8 comments Gregg Easterbrook Not Only Writes Haikus, But He Writes Really Boring Haikus

Gregg Easterbrook's NFL preview is here. There will be no rejoicing from me, for this is the TMQ I dislike the most...which is something I say every single week. So Gregg will be making predictions for this upcoming season, not standing by the predictions and then mocking others for making bad predictions in a TMQ after the season is over. Gregg also talks about "creep," like he does every single week to my annoyance and talks again about concussions. The not-so-secret about TMQ is that the topics for discussion don't really change that much from year to year. It's the same crap every year that Gregg writes about, he just finds different methods by which to lie and mislead his readers when he talks about the NFL.

America's original all-haiku NFL season predictions! This is the 15th year, the crystal anniversary -- Bristol, I'd like a dilithium crystal, please.

How about giving your readers a cyanide tablet? That sounds better than reading haikus against my will, though it's not against my will since I obviously choose to do so.

First, one of those serious topics that comes before fun. There's progress at the intersection of sports and society -- especially, of football and society. In just the past five years, a bleak picture has improved. So -- is victory won?

Could there be a more vague question based on a vague set of information? Oh, "progress at the intersection of sports and society." Wow, since that spells it out for me then I say, "yes" victory has been won.

First the recent positive developments:

You will stop writing TMQ effective immediately?

Emphasis on reducing deliberate helmet-to-helmet contact at all levels of football -- pro, college, high school and youth.

Oh, concussions. Again. Let me guess, next week is the fifth bi-annual discussion of how NFL and college offenses are moving at such a fast pace? Gregg tends to harp on certain topics and this is the second straight year Gregg has discussed concussions in the TMQ before the season begins. Last year Gregg talked about concussions in his NFL haiku preview.

ESPN put its weight and brand behind adding graduation rates to the ranking of college teams.

Oh yes, the horseshit ESPN Grade that only takes Top-25 teams in the AP and Coach's Poll into account and then only compares the graduation rate of these Top-25 teams to each other. It's an essentially useless metric, but Gregg can't stop pounding his chest about it.

These are movements in the right direction. Your columnist has been pounding the table about athletic reform for years, and many times expressed cynicism regarding whether there would ever be positive change. Now there has been. In just the past five years, football has begun to emphasize risk reduction while high school and college athletics have made strides toward enlightened management.

TMQ/Gregg Easterbrook has also pounded the table that high school football programs may no longer exist in the future due to lawsuits resulting from concussions and other injuries while playing the sport. Obviously since this prediction is starting to look less and less likely, Gregg will gloss over the fact he has pointed this out as an actual concern. Still, many times Gregg has indicated school districts may get rid of football which would lead to a smaller pool of high school football players that enter college, thereby ruining the pool of talented players for the NFL to choose from. It's a doomsday scenario Gregg has floated that he will immediately forget he ever brought up once/if it is proven incorrect. If proven correct, his readers won't hear the end of it. The rule, like always, Gregg will mislead his readers and then ignore any statements he might have made that ended up being incorrect.

But we're not there yet: victory is far from won.

So there has been progress at the intersection of sports and society, but victory is not won? Besides, to indicate victory has been won before victory is actually won would be "victory creep" and we know Gregg won't stand for that.

Further reforms are needed. Among them:

(Bengoodfella falls asleep)

Construction and operating subsidies to the NFL must end. If Google demanded that taxpayers pay for its server farms, there would be outrage. Why isn't there outrage when the billionaires of the NFL demand public subsidies that they convert to private profit?

I don't know. Perhaps because fans enjoy the fact there is an NFL team close to their home and they are able to share in the enjoyment with their family and friends, which can't be said for Google? Maybe taxpayers and municipalities understand that having an NFL team in the area is a great boon to the city's economic base and brings money into the city? Sure, Google brings jobs, but I would imagine having Google in a city doesn't bring quite the revenue that eight NFL games a year (and maybe more in the playoffs and preseason) bring to a city during the football season.

Reform of NCAA athletics has barely begun. Failing to graduate football and men's basketball players, not failing to pay them, is the big defect of the NCAA structure -- since a bachelor's degree adds more to lifetime earning than college players would receive in pay-for-play proposals.

Yes, the NCAA should encourage schools to graduate these student-athletes, but I feel it is important to add that these student-athletes should want to graduate and earn a degree. A college can't force a player to go to class and graduate. As long as that student-athlete meets the criteria to play athletics at the school, the university can't force a student-athlete who is a junior and wants to enter the NFL (or a student-athlete who has used his four years of athletic eligibility) to graduate.

The NCAA and universities should do more, but it has to be some semblance of a two-way street.

As you settle onto the couch and fire up the flat-screen HD to watch this autumn's performances, you can feel better than you might have felt five years ago -- football is becoming moderately less abusive of young people's bodies.

Well, I feel more comfortable now that Gregg Easterbrook has assured me I can feel better about watching football. His approval is all I needed.

Now -- America's original all-haiku NFL season predictions.

I'm not sure what is more pathetic, that Gregg Easterbrook has done haikus for 15 years now, or Peter King is using Gregg's idea of using haikus to talk about football. I think both are equally pathetic. There are no winners.

Brady's last hurrah?
Modeling career beckons.
The New England Pats.
Forecast finish: 11-5

One of the things that irritates me about Gregg's haikus is how he ends each one with the name of the team he is discussing. If he insists on doing a haiku preview, at least don't half-ass the last line of each one. There are other ways to indicate which team the haiku refers to.

A smoking wreckage
of Jeff Ireland era.
Miami Dolphins.
Forecast finish: 6-10

When commenting on the smoking wreckage of the Jeff Ireland era, it's important to know Gregg predicted the Dolphins would win the AFC East last year.

Billionaire demands
corporate welfare for field.
Miami Dolphins.
Forecast finish: 12-4

I guess the wreckage wasn't so bad last year? Everyone gets predictions wrong, but I enjoy pointing out when Gregg is wrong due to the fact he takes great pride in pointing out whenever other NFL experts make predictions that turn out to be incorrect.

"I am the greatest!"
Ali boast seems mild to Jets.
The Jersey/B Jets.
Forecast finish: 6-10

I don't really understand why Gregg thinks the Jets seem to boast a lot. I feel like Gregg stopped paying attention to the Jets three years ago and is coasting on what the team thought of themselves then. Gregg seems to do this type of thing a lot. He prefers to coast on his assumptions rather than take the time to determine if his assumptions are true. He does this here with the Jets and ESPN allows him to get away with it. Also, 6-10 is the same record he picked for the Jets last year. 

Ferrari's new $1.6 million, 950-horsepower supercar is named LaFerrari. Calling it "the LaFerrari" would become "the The Ferrari."

Well, that's why a person wouldn't call it "the LaFerrari" and would simply call it "LaFerrari." No one says the word "the" has to be in front of the name for the car.

Warp speed does not help
if the shields (defense) no good.
The Philly Eagles.
Forecast finish: 10-6

By the way, Gregg had the Eagles at 6-10 last year, followed by him talking about how West Coast and warp speed football is taking over. It would have been nice if he had thought West Coast and warp speed football was taking over prior to the season beginning and mentioned it in regard to the Eagles, but Gregg is reactive and doesn't work that way.

New York Times Corrections On Fast Forward: During the past six months, the Paper of Record, according to its corrections page:

Confused Ho Chi Minh City, the former Saigon, with the United States;

This is a little misleading. Ho Chi Minh City wasn't confused with the United States. The words "United States" were used in the article instead of "Ho Chi Minh City." There was no confusion about where Ho Chi Minh City was located. If I accidentally type "Tom Kelly" instead of "Chip Kelly" then I am not confusing Chip Kelly with the former manager of the Minnesota Twins, I simply used the wrong name before writing "Kelly." I don't think Tom Kelly is Chip Kelly and the New York Times didn't think Ho Chi Minh City was in the United States.

Mixed up the difference between apes and monkeys. What was the subject of the article? Intelligence;

The article Gregg linked and didn't read was on the subject of intelligence in animals, not intelligence in humans. So Gregg has no point and is more interested in cutesy bullshit like this which allows him to make jokes rather than being upfront with his readers and hoping they don't click on the link provided. The newspaper did mix up apes and monkeys, but unless the writer of the article was an animal, it's not really ironic for the reason Gregg thinks it is.

"referred incorrectly to a visit by Peter the Great to the Netherlands." Did the 18th century call to complain?

Says the guy who takes the time to point this mistake out.

Confused Spider-Man with Iron Man;

Again, maybe it is semantics, but they didn't confuse Spider-Man and Iron Man, they confused which comic John Romita Jr. was first offered work. The confusion wasn't with Spider-Man and Iron Man, but with which comic Romita was first offered work. If I write that Peter King writes TMQ every week, then I am not confusing TMQ and MMQB, but am confusing which column Peter King writes. I think there is a difference.

I also think it is funny that Gregg takes the time to point out the mistakes of others who admit their mistakes, while he is a person who won't admit when he's made a mistake or intentionally misled his audience with deceptive writing tactics.

Admitted it was wrong to say that all elite male athletes have testosterone levels "in the female range";

I can't understand how Gregg is allowed to mislead his audience, but I'm beating a dead horse at this point. This was an op-ed column, so it wasn't an article written by a New York Times columnist. Also, the op-ed didn't say that all elite male athletes have testosterone levels "in the female range." The op-ed stated:

An Op-Ed article on April 12 about “sex testing” of athletes referred imprecisely to the overlap in testosterone levels among elite athletes of both sexes. While 16.5 percent of elite male athletes in one study had testosterone levels below the lower limit of the so-called male range, not all of them had levels within the female range.

The op-ed wasn't referring to "all" male athletes, but "all" male athletes in a specific study. Gregg is making it seem like "all" refers to the entire population of male athletes and not a subset of the male population that participated in this specific study. He's indicating the error references a larger population than it really does by leaving out important information.

Graying defense, no
run game. Still -- watch out for them.
The Pittsburgh Steelers.
Forecast finish: 8-8

Gregg predicted the Steelers would go 8-8 last year as well. I like how Gregg plays both sides on the Steelers. His stupid haiku says the Steelers have an old defense and no run game (which is negative obviously), then says "watch out for them" (positive) and then says they will go 8-8 and be 3rd in the AFC North (again, negative). So no matter how the season goes for the Steelers, Gregg is right. You would think if Gregg really thought the Steelers were a team to watch then he would have them being better than 8-8.

Johnny, LBJ,
GOP: Cleveland does rock.
The Browns (2.0).
Forecast finish: 7-9

I don't even understand the point of these haikus. If they were clever, then I see the idea of building a column around them, but this isn't clever. It's silly and pointless. The only way I would chuckle at any of these haikus is if I was eating lunch while reading them, got food lodged in my throat and had to chuckle slightly to clear my throat.

Bears: high-scoring team
with no defense. Yes, the Bears.
The Chicago Bears.
Forecast finish: 10-6

Gregg from last year...

Lovie, Urlacher
gone; 10 wins must be punished!
The Chicago Bears
Forecast finish: 6-10

Except it wasn't. The Bears went 8-8 and had success even when their starting quarterback got injured. Of course, Gregg would have created a "Lovie Curse" if the Bears had gone 6-10 last year, but because they did not, Gregg will wait until the Bears struggle and then desperately attempt to create a fake curse to explain how because Lovie Smith was fired the Bears aren't playing well. There's nothing I like about Gregg's writing.

AAU football:
Superstars but poor results.
The Detroit Lions.
Forecast finish: 6-10

I don't understand. How is "AAU football" correlate to poor results? Does Gregg seem to think AAU teams have bad results? Does Gregg know anything about AAU? Why would an AAU team have superstars and bad results?

The answers, of course, are "It doesn't," "He's making shit up," "He's writing out of his ass, so don't hold him to what he is writing," and "They wouldn't. Gregg wants to criticize others for a lack of accuracy, but doesn't care to turn that criticism on himself because he wants to write a light-hearted football column where he takes credit for those things he says that are right, but hides behind the idea his comments are just cutesy schtick when he gets facts wrong."

Two weeks ago, TMQ declared the Philadelphia 76ers have become "Zen masters" of the NBA art of getting rid of players in order to lose deliberately.

Apparently Sixers management remained nervous about the chance of an accidental victory, so proceeded a few days ago to trade away the team's leading scorer, Thad Young, for a draft choice and more backups. 

Well, Young was a free agent after this season and the Sixers were probably not going to get a chance to re-sign him. Rather than have him play well on a team going nowhere, they got some value for him. I wouldn't expect Gregg to understand any nuance involved with a sport he doesn't have the time to pay any attention to though. It seems the only time Gregg pays attention to the NBA is when he is pointing out NBA teams make dumb moves.

As noted by many readers, first Joe Maiz of Palmyra, New Jersey, Disney just released its 2014 holiday ornaments. Tom Delio of Virginia Beach, Virginia, reports, "On August 15, I saw pumpkin spice lattes advertised at the Joe Muggs coffee shop at the Virginia Beach Books-a-Million. Also, this past Friday the At Home store in Chesapeake, Virginia, in addition to having Halloween decorations on sale, had Thanksgiving and Christmas decorations on sale as well."

It doesn't make any sense to buy a Christmas ornament after Christmas does it? If a person is giving a Christmas ornament to someone else or buying a Christmas ornament for him/herself then it makes sense to do so before Christmas season begins so the ornament can be hung on the tree. I've explained how retail works so many times. It's just pure stupidity on the part of those who don't understand how retail stores try to drive sales. And yes, I would like pumpkin coffee or a pumpkin latte (if I drank them) prior to the month of November. It's not creep, it's just that if a coffee shop is going to create a pumpkin-flavored drink then it makes sense to try to sell as many of them as possible. Hence, the sale of pumpkin-flavored drinks begins early.

Fisher shown the door
after 16: downhill since.
Tennessee Titans.
Forecast finish: 7-9

Now we all know I think this is funny. Fisher was 8-8 and 6-10 during his last two seasons in Tennessee and in his 16 seasons with the team they were at or below .500 ten times. It seems like it was downhill for quite a few seasons while Fisher was with the Titans. Since Fisher left the Titans, they have gone 9-7, 6-10, and 7-9. So it sort of sounds like business as usual without Fisher, right? But of course I wouldn't expect Gregg to do research before popping off about how the Titans have gone downhill since Fisher left as their head coach. Research is for people who give a shit about whether what they say has accuracy or not.

NFC title
game seems very long ago.
Atlanta Falcons.
Forecast finish: 6-10

It was one NFL season ago. That's it. Gregg wrote a TMQ in August about how hard it is for an NFL team to repeat as Super Bowl champions, yet he acts surprised when it's hard for an NFL team to get back to the playoffs in back-to-back seasons. I just don't understand him at all.

Scoreboard was spinning
'til met the Bluish Men Group.
The Denver Broncos.
Forecast finish: 11-5

Gregg can't even preview NFL teams in haiku version without talking about last year more than he talks about the upcoming season.

Dude, let's hit the beach.
Whoa, we have a game today?
San Diego Bolts.
Forecast finish: 9-7

The worthlessness never ceases. Are there really readers of TMQ who think, "Man, I can't wait for the all-haiku NFL preview that is really a 2013 NFL season review in haiku form"? I can't believe there are.

This column has noted that newspapers long have had a touchy relationship with auto reviewing. Auto dealers are major advertisers, so reviewers tend to praise all marques. Reviewers tend to extol maximum horsepower, regardless of cost, environmental impact or the relationship between horsepower and road rage -- after all, they don't fuel or insure the cars they test-drive.

I'm glad someone is finally brave enough and willing to blow the lid off newspapers who give good reviews to car companies who buy advertising money. 

New Cognomen: Reader Damon Spear of Seattle argues, "If you're going to use Jersey/A, Jersey/B and City of Tampa, you should call Colin Kaepernick's team the Santa Clara 49ers." Mr. Data, make it so!

Oh god, please don't encourage Gregg to do this stupid re-naming of NFL teams to call them something other than their real name.

Second-best for two
straight years. This year may be best?
Santa Clara team.
Forecast finish: 12-4

Remember last year how Gregg threw himself off the 49ers bandwagon, never to acknowledge he did so when they made the NFC Championship Game? So I guess he's back on the bandwagon and isn't buying the Crabtree Curse anymore? I only ask because if the 49ers start 1-2 then Gregg will probably write another TMQ about how the read-option is dead and the 49ers should use a more traditional defense to win games. Then when the 49ers make the NFC Championship Game again he'll laud a few undrafted free agents on the team (on a team surrounded with draft picks taken in the first two rounds who have made an impact) and forget he ever was off the 49ers bandwagon.

Chose Bradford over
Griffin: Regrets begin now.
The St. Louis Rams.
Forecast finish: 4-12

Gregg from last year...

Left RG III on
the table; can they rebound?
The St. Louis Rams.
Forecast finish: 4-12

So Gregg pretty much copy and pasted his haiku from last year, left the same record for the Rams in that TMQ and changed a few words around? It seems that way. I don't need to underscore the stupidity of the all-haiku preview when Gregg's choice of topics in the haiku does it for me.

Four and a half years ago the media world went atwitter with the amazing story of a 13-year-old who already had a college football scholarship! Here is the ESPN report from 2010. The story was picked up by many news organizations, leading to the boy appearing with his father on ABC's "Good Morning America." Thirteen-year-old has college football scholarship -- amazing!

Signing a national letter of intent couldn't happen, in this boy's case, until February 2015. Mention that and the "amazing" story goes poof. So media accounts didn't mention that. Steve Clarkson, the hustler behind the phony story, sure didn't bring it up. More details of how this happened are in my 2013 book "The King of Sports."

Gregg has got to keep pushing his "The King of Sports" book hard, doesn't he?

The young quarterback, David Sills V, just started his senior year. You will not be surprised to learn the USC "commitment" evaporated. All parties to the 2010 charade -- Clarkson; former USC coach Lane Kiffin; Sills' father, a wealthy man who essentially founded a school to promote his son -- got what they wanted, which was national publicity.

For fear of seeming like I am defending the idiocy of a 13 year old verbally committing to a college, this story isn't memorable in that when there is a coaching change at a college football program many times the recruits who have given a verbal commitment will search to play college football at another university. So the story is unique and silly in that a 13 year old verbally committed to USC, but I'm mostly not surprised the commitment evaporated because USC had a change in head coaches. Sills had a good relationship with Kiffin, and if Gregg read the column he linked he would know this. Sills even visited the USC campus every spring. Again, I won't defend a 13 year old committing to a college, but when there is a head coaching change verbal commits often look to play college football elsewhere.

Brady said he agreed to less than maximum value to ensure the Flying Elvii have the cap space to retain other starters. (This view is not entirely selfless; being at juggernaut New England is good for Brady's endorsement income.) Last week the Patriots asked perennial Pro Bowl guard Logan Mankins to take a pay cut. When he declined, he was summarily traded to City of Tampa. There but by the grace of the football gods goes Brady!

The Patriots' signal-caller can't be happy he agreed to work for less than market value, only to find the team offloading a guy who stands between him and some Ticonderoga-class nose tackle.

Well, actually it is the Patriots center AND guards would often have to block a huge nose tackle trying to get at Tom Brady. It depends on where the nose tackle lines up, but it's not accurate to say Logan Mankins stood between Brady and a nose tackle, because the other guard and the center will also face off with the opposing team's nose tackle.

Candidates for the spot include a bevy of undrafted free agents -- Ryan Wendell, Dan Connolly, Jordan Devey and Josh Kline -- all of whom earn substantially less than Mankins.

Well, that's great then! Rather than have a highly-drafted, highly-paid glory boy like Logan Mankins blocking for Tom Brady, the Patriots have a large group of undrafted free agents who work hard and only care about the team blocking for Brady. This must be a dream for Gregg Easterbrook since he loves to tell his readers how undrafted free agents work harder and perform better than highly-drafted, highly-paid glory boys like Logan Mankins, a guy who loves money so much he refused to take a pay cut for the betterment of the team.

Yet, Gregg doesn't seem to sound like he thinks this is a positive development that Mankins is gone and undrafted free agents are blocking for Brady. Gee, I wonder why that is?

Gregg in the last paragraph of this week's all-haiku TMQ:

During the preseason, Tuesday Morning Quarterback uses "vanilla" items designed to confuse scouts from other sports columns. Starting next week as the football artificial universe resumes, TMQ will come at readers from all directions with obscure references, recondite analogies and unorthodox fact packages.

Gregg in the last paragraph of last year's all-haiku TMQ:

During the preseason, TMQ uses "vanilla" material designed to confuse scouts from other sports columns. Starting next week, I will come at readers from all directions with complex sentence structures, exotic joke packages and quick-snap items.

He could at least pretend like he puts some effort into TMQ and just doesn't plagiarize himself because he is too damn lazy to write a completely original final group of sentences to his all-haiku TMQ. It shouldn't shock anyone that Gregg puts no effort into writing new, original material. After all, he doesn't read the articles he links and he has no care to put effort into determining whether the assertions he makes in TMQ are factual or just shit he has made up based on his own incorrect assumptions.

I'll employ an up-tempo format in which each new item begins before the previous one ends.

How about you end TMQ and begin to write a new column on a completely new topic at a completely new website and then not tell anyone that you write at that new website? 

14 comments Gregg Easterbrook Wants to Talk (Again) About Concussions

I kind of figured Gregg Easterbrook would write about the resolution to the concussion litigation in this week's TMQ. Concussions in the NFL and youth leagues are Gregg's favorite topic (what about the kids?), so it doesn't shock me he discusses this topic on back-to-back weeks in TMQ. The more he can stay away from actually discussing football, the better for his readers. Still the following TMQ is one of Gregg worst columns of the year because this is the NFL preview where Gregg uses haikus to predict each NFL team's record for the 2013 season and then immediately forgets what he predicted (unless he ends up being correct) and calls out other writer's bad predictions in a TMQ after the 2013 season is over. Gregg's shit don't stink, you know.

One thing I found interesting is I began writing this TMQ post on Tuesday and forgot to bookmark it. When I went back to find and bookmark TMQ this morning at 8:07am it was nowhere to be found on ESPN's front page. I had to go to my bookmarked link for Gregg Easterbrook's columns. This may be something that doesn't happen often, but in my one visit to ESPN.com less than 24 hours after it was posted TMQ wasn't on the front page of ESPN. Perhaps TMQ is falling out of favor with ESPN.com? 

The NFL concussion lawsuit moved close to resolution last week -- see below for analysis -- 

You will wait for your analysis of the NFL concussion lawsuit and like it!

Football remains in a legal quicksand that has the potential to drag the sport under. The big concern has never been the NFL, which has only a small number of current and retired players, and can buy its way out of any difficulty. The issue is the 3 million youth players, 1.1 million high school players and approximately 50,000 college players.

Right, because the NCAA doesn't have any money to buy themselves out of any difficulty. Would someone please help the poor NCAA if they get sued?

Except for those who matriculated at football factories, most football players suit up for sponsoring organizations that cannot buy their way out of problems: youth leagues, public school districts and colleges whose athletic departments lose money.

Which also means parents who allow their children under the age of 18 to play football won't be able to sue these organizations and get a lot of money because these organizations also don't have a lot of money. In response to a lawsuit, these youth leagues and school districts would probably point out parents signed their children up to play football when they were under the age of 18 and all proper safety precautions were taken to ensure the children's safety, so the parents are at fault for allowing their children to play football.

If youth leagues, public school districts and colleges that are already in the red on sports start paying brain-damage awards, they'll stop sponsoring football. They won't have any choice -- insurers will drop them.

This is true as well. It's a kind of doomsday scenario Gregg is predicting, but that's all right.

A teen partially paralyzed at a Colorado football practice just won a $11.5 million judgment against his high school district, some school personnel and the Riddell helmet company. Last year, San Diego school district agreed to pay $4.4 million to a man who was a teenaged high school football player when he suffered a severe brain injury.

What these two cases have in common is that severe brain injury and paralysis occurred as a result of playing football. This is a different situation from a group of parents filing a class action lawsuit due to trauma caused to their children as a result of playing football when some of this trauma isn't necessarily manifesting itself quite yet. I simply think Gregg needs to understand that if/when a high school player gets paralyzed or severely injured on the field this is a different case (and a more surefire lawsuit) than a class action lawsuit claiming brain damage to a person who played high school football five years ago.

It's easier to look at Kevin Turner and decide his ALS could be a result of the repeated hits he took in the NFL, but if Kevin Turner stopped playing football in high school then it wouldn't be as easy to trace his ALS back to his brain injuries. There's a causation issue present in the situation where Turner hasn't been repeatedly hit in the head while playing football for a long period of time outside of high school. I'm sure it would occur, but I think it would be difficult for a class action lawsuit to begin when there isn't major injury caused while the child is actively playing high school or youth league football.

Sixteen-year-old Jaleel Gipson of Farmerville, La. died in May after an Oklahoma Drill at high school football practice...A week ago, Tyler Lewellen, a 16-year-old California high school football player, died from head trauma; two weeks ago, a 16-year-old Georgia high school football player died from a spinal injury sustained in a scrimmage.

Again, these are players who suffered very obvious injuries in the course of playing football. Regardless of the result of the NFL concussion lawsuit, these are very obvious lawsuits waiting to happen. Even if the players never sued the NFL, these types of lawsuits are going to happen when severe, life-changing injuries happen on the football field. It's more difficult to predict lawsuits caused by high school football when the symptoms from having played high school football show up over a decade down the road.

When the awful tragedy is a young person's death in a car crash, often there is no third party to sue.

Tell that to car manufacturers. I'm guessing they have experienced something different and contrary to this statement.

Sixteen-year-old Edwin Miller, a Maryland high school football player, died of heat stroke in 2009 after conditioning drills. In the immediate aftermath, his parents went out of their way to be conciliatory, including asking the team to attend his funeral in football jerseys. Three years later, they sued.

Yet again again again, this is a situation where a player died in the middle of a football activity. This is very different from what is being alleged by the players in the NFL concussion lawsuit. I'm not saying lawsuits alleging brain injury won't be filed, but many of these suits won't have quite the causation pointing back to football which the lawsuit from players' suing the NFL had. If Edwin Miller and five of his high school football teammates all were struck with ALS while they were middle-aged then perhaps a lawsuit could be filed, but it would be harder to trace the cause back to high school football. If Edwin Miller and five high school teammates all suffer from dizzy spells while still in high school and there is brain trauma shown when they went to the doctor, then that would be an easier lawsuit to win. The problem is brain trauma just doesn't magically show up immediately out of convenience for the purposes of a lawsuit.

Adrian Arrington, a former player at Eastern Illinois University, has sued the NCAA regarding his concussions.

Arrington is 27 years old. This lawsuit will probably be settled and the NCAA won't be hurt financially by it. Again, players who sue the NCAA will find the NCAA has deep pockets.

Last week, the parents of Derek Sheely, a Frostburg State University player who died in 2011 from a second-impact concussion sustained in practice, filed suit against the school and its coaches. 

Derek Sheely died as a result of a concussion from practice. This is very different than Sheely experiencing headaches 10 years after he stops playing the sport of football in high school.

For the youth and high school players who legally are children in the care of adults, assumption of risk does not carry the weight it does when cited by colleges or the pros. There may be many big awards coming. Awards in the millions per player harmed, not around $50,000 per retiree as in the NFL situation (see below). No public school system, and few universities, could withstand that.

I 100% agree that few public school systems could not withstand this, which is why most likely the lawsuits would be settled out of court. These won't be easy cases to win for the plaintiffs if/when these concussions lawsuits go to court. I'm not saying it can't be done, but tying ringing headaches to having played football in high school for three or four years 10 years after leaving high school is a little bit more difficult to do. That's all I'm saying.

Brain-injury lawsuits below the level of the NFL could make this question moot, if colleges and high schools stop playing. The threat of brain harm to players is becoming well-known; the threat of concussion litigation to the sport itself may be just as real.

It could happen, but I'm betting these lawsuits are settled out of court or changes are made to ensure the sport of football is as safe as it can be before high school and college football is eliminated forever.

Now --- still America's original all-haiku NFL season predictions.

Between the haikus of Gregg Easterbrook and Peter King, I am violently against the use of a haiku for any reason at all.

Wes Welker shown the
door; football gods will wax wroth.
The New England Pats.
Forecast finish: 10-6

Because we all know the football gods frown upon a team choosing to replace a player with a younger version of that player. The football gods expect teams to keep their players in perpetuity until that player is no longer effective, at which point Gregg makes up another reason why that team isn't succeeding.

Only castoffs are
allowed to play QB here.
The Buffalo Bills
Forecast finish: 4-12

I would love to know what Gregg thinks is the difference in a "castoff" player and an "unwanted" player. I'm guessing the only difference is that Gregg can use hindsight to see that a player succeeded in the NFL and will call this player "unwanted" even though he referred to the player as a "castoff" originally. Gregg Easterbrook bases nearly every comment he makes about a player on hindsight. If the player succeeds in the NFL after being cut, then Gregg will scold the original team for not wanting that player and call the player "unwanted." If that player doesn't succeed after being cut, then he is a castoff and isn't very good at football. As I always say, Gregg likes to wait 1-2 years and then tell us what a team should have done 1-2 years ago. He's brilliant when only considering his ability to use hindsight.

For years, TMQ has asked why the league charges for preseason games: fans do the teams a favor by attending. Now TMQ asks, why are there preseason games, period?

Money is the reason. It's two extra games of revenue for the owners. Are we done here?

The games are terrible; no one cares about the outcomes; good players get hurt, reducing the quality of the real games; ratings aren't much. Yes, owners like the added revenue from ticket sales and concessions. But money is not the NFL's core problem.

No, but cutting two preseason games from the owner's revenue stream would quickly become a part of the NFL's core problem. Money isn't the NFL's core problem, but good luck trying to get the owners to give up some of this money.

Now that the players are millionaires, do conditioning year-round and attend multiple minicamps, preseason games have no utility. Cut them back to two or eliminate them altogether.

That's a great idea. I would love to hear Gregg's idea on how to replace the NFL owner's revenue from the two missing preseason games. Perhaps these games would be replaced with two more regular season games if preseason games got cut back to two? Are two more regular season games really in the best interests of the player's health? Probably not, but Gregg isn't here to think of ideas, he is here to take a shit on everyone's else's idea without creating a solution to the problem.

Countersued those who
bought club's fake Super Bowl seats.
The Dallas Cowboys.
Forecast finish: 6-10

This has to be a joke because I did several internet searches and couldn't find any information on the Cowboys countersuing those who bought fake Super Bowl seats. Maybe I didn't search hard enough.

New York Times Corrections on Fast-Forward: In recent months the Paper of Record has, according to its corrections section:

• Said the asteroid that passed uncomfortably close to the Earth in February was 150 miles long; 150 feet is correct.

What's with all the hyperspecificity Gregg?

Admitted making the same minor error "at least 229 times".

That was a tongue-in-cheek correction and Gregg's lack of detail here makes it sound like the "New York Times" made the same mistake over and over 229 times. That's not entirely true. The "Times" has been referring to Tinker Bell as "Tinkerbell" for 229 years now and have never been corrected. So they have made the mistake 229 times simply because the correction was never noted by anyone until this year.

Miscalculated how old 37 is in gorilla-years.

This is an absolute lie. Go to the link (Gregg has such balls to provide a link and show how wrong he is, doesn't he?) and you will see the following correction:

An article on Tuesday about the death of Pattycake, the first gorilla born in New York City, misstated the relevance of the age 37 for gorillas. That age is the median life expectancy for female gorillas in North American zoos, not the median age of gorillas in North American zoos.

The "Times" didn't miscalculate how old 37 is in gorilla-years, but used the median life expectancy for female gorillas in North American zoos when they should have used the media age of gorillas (male or female) in North American zoos. They calculated the age correctly, but used the wrong median age. Not that I would expect Gregg to read the articles he links of course.

Said the original Woodstock festival was held at Woodstock, N.Y.; readers noted that Bethel, N.Y., is correct. Like wow, there's no one left at the New York Times who attended Woodstock.

And Gregg just began a sentence with "Like wow,". Between this and wanting to see more men shirtless in magazines I'm becoming more and more convinced Gregg is slowly morphing into a tweeny-bopper girl.

Cursed by football gods
since scapegoated Arians.
The Pittsburgh Steelers.
Forecast finish: 8-8

It seems Gregg can't ever understand that sometimes teams have to fire an offensive coordinator who has had some sense of success with that team. Bruce Arian is a head coach now, so I doubt he is complaining that the Steelers fired him. Plus, would Bruce Arians be cursed if he dared to leave the Steelers (assuming he was still the offensive coordinator) to become the Cardinals head coach? He would be a weasel coach leaving the Steelers team behind for more money. Plus, since Gregg has such a high opinion of Arians isn't it a good thing that he was scapegoated so he could go coach the Colts' offense and end up with an NFL heading coaching job?

But wait: lower-division North Dakota State defeated Big 12 member Kansas State. Towson defeated Connecticut, which was not long ago in a BCS game.

Kansas State was in a BCS bowl game just last year.

Then there was lower-division Eastern Washington at Oregon State, the latter a preseason ranked team. Eastern Washington posted 625 yards of offense, scoring a touchdown with 18 seconds remaining to defeat the hosts. This won't get the lasting attention the Appalachian State upset at Michigan received: West Coast games don't end until more than half the country has gone to bed. 

Great theory, but this game started at 6pm EST and was over by 9:40pm EST. So the whole "no one pays attention to the West Coast" theory doesn't work here. Otherwise, no one would have watched the LSU-TCU and Georgia-Clemson game either and those games were specifically scheduled for primetime to get the largest possible audience.

So I'm not sure why Eastern Washington over Oregon State didn't get enough attention, but it wasn't because the game was scheduled too late in the evening for East Coast viewers. The difference in Appalachian State over Michigan and Eastern Washington over Oregon State is that Michigan was a Top 10 team at the time they lost to Appalachian State.

Buck-Buck-Brawckkkkkkk: It was the very first game of the 2013 NCAA season, North Carolina at heavily favored South Carolina. The visitors trailed 20-7 midway through the third quarter and faced fourth-and-goal on the Gamecocks' 2. That cannot be the field goal team trotting in!

Let's be a little bit fair to Larry Fedora (head coach of UNC). Perhaps he should have gone for it, but if UNC team fails to score a touchdown here the game is over. UNC would be down 13 points and having just given South Carolina the ball. In this case, when Fedora kicks the field goal he gets points on the board and UNC has a quarter-and-a-half left in the game to come back. South Carolina jumped all over UNC early in the game but had not scored many points since then, so it was reasonable to expect a field goal in this situation, plus a stop for the defense, would put UNC right back in the game. It didn't work out that way of course.

TMQ wrote the words "game over" in his notebook, and the football gods showed their wrath by granting the hosts a length-of-the-field touchdown on the next snap, making the lead 27-10. 

I can't imagine how many times TMQ writes "game over" when the game isn't over.

You're the underdog on the road, you're behind late, don't settle for a field goal from the 2!

I look at it this way. UNC is on the road in an enormously loud stadium against a really good defense. Does UNC have a good chance of pushing this ball into the end zone given the crowd noise the offense would experience in this situation? I'm not so sure. 

League's best runner, worst
passing game. Net: home in Jan.
Minnesota Vikes.
Forecast finish: 5-11

The Vikings were 31st in passing yards per game and 2nd in rushing yards per game last year and they were not home in January. Merits a mention.

Peyton at Indy,
week sev'n. Ratings, anyone?
Indy Lucky Charms.
Forecast finish: 12-4

If Gregg insists on creating these haikus he could at least make them not feel redundant. Here is the one he used for the New York Giants:

Eli v. Peyton,
Week Two. Ratings, anyone?
Jersey/A Giants.
Forecast finish: 10-6

He uses essentially the same haiku for both the Colts and the Giants with the haiku mentioning Peyton Manning and the ratings this game will provide. If he insists on writing TMQ and filling it with haikus he could at least make them original or non-redundant.

The proposed settlement of the main concussion lawsuit against the NFL -- the supervising judge still must accept the deal -- has been widely interpreted a huge win for the league. Teams pay only about $25 million each, and well into the future, when money presumably will be worth less than today's. The $13 million or so each team owes up front represents less than 2 percent what the typical NFL franchise will realize in revenue in the period of the payments.

You can see why some people think the NFL got off easy in the deal. "Not true" says Chris Seeger as he wakes up from enduring another night of sleepless, sweaty nights over whether his firm will make the money they put into the ca---I mean, while worrying about whether his clients' children can go to college.

So the NFL got off relatively cheaply. But remember, the players might have received nothing.

This is the NFL concussion lawsuit analysis that Gregg promised us earlier. So I guess if each plaintiff in the case got $10 that would be a win in Gregg's opinion, because after all, they might have received nothing.

Had the suit gone to trial, it was far from clear the plaintiffs would prevail. Suppose a retired player had neurological problems: How could it be proven the problems stemmed from NFL employment, as opposed to college or high school concussions or falling off a ladder while cleaning gutters?

The irony here is incredible. Gregg just got done telling us that youth leagues and high schools could drop football because of lawsuits, while I countered by saying it is going to be difficult to prove causation if there wasn't an immediate, traumatic injury that occurred while that person was playing football. Now, when Gregg is discussing the players lawsuit against the NFL, when some of these players played 100+ games in the NFL, including preseason games and enduring training camp, Gregg is arguing the plaintiffs possibly could not have proven causation. Wouldn't this be much, much more true for lawsuits that are brought after a person has only played high school or youth league football? So why doesn't Gregg mention this causation issue when discussing the issue earlier in TMQ and why did Gregg state that school districts could drop football and the causation issue wasn't mentioned as a mitigating factor for potential lawsuits? Oh yeah, Gregg didn't bring it up because he was afraid it would ruin the point he wanted to prove. Gregg only likes to give his readers the information they need when it fits the point he wants to prove.

Often parties in a lawsuit reach pre-trial settlement in order to minimize risks -- the party with a lot of money eliminates the risk of a very large judgment, the party seeking money eliminates the risk of ending up empty-handed.

Which is exactly how school districts could keep high school football around even when there are lawsuits being filed against them for injuries alleged to have occurred on the football field.

Since players may opt out of the settlement and pursue their own lawsuits, many will face this choice: take a moderate sum now and move on, or spend years in bitter litigation that might lead to a jackpot or to nothing. On "Deal or No Deal," once a contestant got to a briefcase with a decent amount of money, the rational move was to stop. That is now the retired players' situation.

Gregg wants to know, if some of these players opt out of the settlement, then who will be their Howie Mandel?

For plaintiffs' counsel the outcome is marvelous. The NFL is covering their legal fees, and won't say how much was agreed to. That means the lawyers get their payday upfront, rather than waiting for years.

But...but...tossing and turning, night sweats, college, very worried...it wasn't about money. It was about the personal concern!

They just can't finish.
What will go wrong this season?
Atlanta Falcons.
Forecast finish: 12-4

The Falcons made the NFC Championship Game and lost to the team that Gregg is predicting will go 14-2 this season. The Falcons can't finish or they just got beaten by a better team in the NFC Championship Game?

Book News: Maybe, possibly, perhaps I will soon be mentioning again my upcoming book "The King of Sports: Football's Impact on America," which can be pre-ordered here. Yes, perhaps I will mention "The King of Sports" again.

Click on the link and then scroll down to the picture of Gregg. He looks like he just got done from a two day bender. He looks tired and haggard. Interesting choice for a picture.

Manning to Welker:
Both wandered in off the street.
The Denver Broncos.
Forecast finish: 12-4

To say Peyton Manning walked in off the street is just so incredibly misleading. It's not like zero NFL teams wanted Manning, but only a few wanted to pay $20 million per year for Manning.

QB shows more skin
than cheer-babes on calendar.
The S.F. Niners.
Forecast finish: 14-2

Gregg predicts the 49ers will go 14-2 and his haiku is only about how much skin Colin Kaepernick shows. Seems appropriate.

Next Week: During the preseason, TMQ uses "vanilla" material designed to confuse scouts from other sports columns. Starting next week, I will come at readers from all directions with complex sentence structures, exotic joke packages and quick-snap items. Real football will be back at last!

With the return of real football means the return of Gregg's terrible second-guessing, Gregg's terrible analysis, and Gregg's terrible understanding of the game of football. I can't wait. 

2 comments Terence Moore Uses a Train Analogy to Explain His Opposition to Instant Replay, Thereby Assuring His Choice in Transportation Analogies Are Also Not Modern

Terence Moore hates the expansion of instant replay.  He has stated this on repeated occasions here, here, and here. I'm not sure if Terence Moore has become my new Joe Morgan or not, but Terence does feel very strongly about the expansion of replay. He is strongly against the expansion of replay for various reasons. He says he is a purist (which I think is a polite way of saying he hates change), he thinks the umpires already have a tough enough job so why make their job easier, and Terence says a bad call hasn't changed an entire playoff series so one or two missed calls really aren't a big deal. I tend to disagree with nearly all of these reasons. Today, Terence resigns himself to the fact replay will be expanded and then he uses a train analogy to explain his opposition to expanded replay. The idea of Terence using a train analogy fits perfectly in my opinion. I bet he is specifically referring to a steam engine train and not these newfangled express trains. In fact, Terence is probably not even aware there is a more efficient mode of transportation than taking the train available.

According to a recent report, Major League Baseball is no longer merely considering expanding replay for fair/foul calls and those involving possible trapped balls, but also plays at the plate and on the bases.

Combining this with Major League Baseball streaming every game over the Interwebs, HOW CAN WE JUDGE PLAYERS BY WATCHING THEM ON A COMPUTER AND NOT BEING AT THE GAME? THE INTERNET RUINS EVERYTHING!

We're in the final days.

Good thing Terence isn't being over-dramatic about this.

"Major League Baseball may expand replay! Stock up food for your bomb shelters, the end is nigh!"

OK, I'm biased here, because when it comes to baseball, I'm the world's biggest traditionalist.

When did traditionalist start to mean "resistant to any type of change"? I consider myself to be a baseball traditionalist. I'm not a huge fan of the designated hitter, but I also understand there are certain improvements that can be made to the game of baseball which won't change the basic way the sport is played and can make the game better.

Being a traditionalist shouldn't mean that a person is resistant to any type of change to the game of baseball. Would being a traditionalist in the 1940's mean not believing African-Americans have the right to play in the majors? Is being a traditionalist mean a person would have been against any type of expansion of the game into other countries (Canada, for example)? Being a traditionalist shouldn't mean having a resistance to any type of change.

Except for flannel uniforms and, well … I can't think of anything else, I'm for keeping the game about the way it was after Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier.

Well, of course. Being a person who never wants anything to change it only makes sense to not want your favorite sport to ever adapt or change to evolutions in technology. What could be better for the game of baseball than to be perpetually stuck in the 1940's?

No designated hitter rule. That's enough right there, but I'll continue: grass fields only, ballparks without roofs, only sunshine at Wrigley Field, pitchers who deliver pitches sometime during this century, hitters who rarely strike out over 100 times per season.

Wishing for pitchers who deliver pitches sometime during this century and hitters who rarely strike out over 100 times in a season is being grumpy and old, not a traditionalist.

Instant replay? Ugh. It's already here regarding home run calls, and to be honest, I haven't had a problem with that one.

But you are a traditionalist! You are for keeping the game like it was after Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier (but not for keeping the game of baseball how it was before Jackie Robinson, of course. Terence picks and chooses when the "traditionalist" version of baseball started as it fits his needs). How can you like instant replay for home run calls but don't want instant replay expanded beyond that? A real traditionalist like yourself wouldn't want any changes to the game since the 1940's.

The same goes for instant replay to determine fair/foul and trap/catch calls. That was approved in baseball's latest Collective Bargaining Agreement.

So anything agreed to in the latest Collective Bargaining Agreement is a perfectly fine change? So shouldn't Terence Moore call himself a "Collective Bargaining Agreement Traditionalist"?

The problem is, expanding instant replay beyond those three situations would remove so much from the game -- beginning and ending with the charming tradition of umpires sometimes getting it wrong after overwhelmingly getting it right.

I'm a traditionalist in that I don't think umpires getting calls incorrect is very charming. I think MLB should do whatever they can (without changing the game too much) to ensure the umpires calls are going to be correct. I don't favor replay for balls and strikes but I don't see why it can't be expanded to calls on the basepaths. It doesn't demean the umpires and the job they do in any way, while ensuring the calls on the field are correct.

Since teams used to travel only by train around the Major Leagues, I'll continue with a railroad analogy.

Well of course, is there any other type of transportation? I guess I should just be glad Terence isn't using a horse-and-buggy analogy.

The train has left the station regarding the expanded use of instant replay in baseball, and that engine is charging downhill.

But is the dining car serving American food? I'd like to think the dining car of this engine charging downhill is MLB's use of instant replay on home runs, fair/foul balls and trapped/caught balls. If so, then expanding the use of instant replay is the train's dining car choosing to serve Italian and Mexican food as well. Let's expand outside the traditional realms of food being served on this train.

So the rest of us have two choices: We can try to stand in front of the train as we get flattened worse than a brushback pitch to the ear, or we can sigh while hopping on board.

How are you going to get on a train that is charging downhill? That doesn't make sense. At least be consistent with the analogy and say that you will jump on top of the train as it starts to go under a tunnel.

According to Torre, baseball officials will travel to the World Baseball Classic games in Miami this month and also to various Spring Training sites to study how those officials would implement an expanded replay system in the Major Leagues.

In (seemingly) every column that Terence Moore writes he contradicts his argument at some point. He's about to do it again. He has already sort of contradicted himself by saying he is a traditionalist who doesn't like any changes to the game after the 1940's, but also says he hasn't minded the expansion of replay to home runs, fair/foul balls, and trapped/caught balls.

That's fine. But baseball should have those officials continue their study beyond the next few weeks.

Terence hates the use of instant replay in baseball, but if MLB is going to test instant replay he thinks they should do so during the regular season, not during Spring Training and the World Baseball Classic. If Terence is so against the expanded use of instant replay wouldn't it make more sense for him to believe baseball should test it out during games that don't count...you know, him being a baseball purist and all?

Nothing against the Classic or Spring Training, but games that count toward winning divisions, pennants and World Series championships are different.

This is true, and this is also why MLB should not test out expanded replay during games that count. I think exhibition games, despite the fact they don't perfectly simulate regular season games, are the best time to try new rule changes. If the rules don't work, then the games that count aren't affected. I would think a guy who is a purist wouldn't want rule changes being tried out during the regular season. Of course, few things Terence Moore says make sense to me.

Players operate at a heightened level during the regular season, and their intensity jumps even more in the postseason.

So baseball officials need to study the effects of expanded instant replay against the that backdrop.

So let me get Terence's position straight...

1. He doesn't like instant replay in baseball because he's a traditionalist and wants baseball to be like it was in the 1940's.

2. Terence doesn't mind certain uses of instant replay even though this contradicts him saying he likes the game of baseball how it was during the 1940's.

3. Terence does not favor the expansion of replay to include calls on the basepaths.

4. Terence thinks the expansion of replay will cause too much change to the game of baseball and affect how the game is played.

5. If MLB does expand replay to include calls on the basepaths then they should test out this expansion of replay during the regular season when the games count the most.

I'm not sure I entirely get these points of view. Shouldn't expanded replay be tested, if it doesn't work well, when it would not affect the outcome of games that count? Yes, conditions are different during the regular season, but the use of the instant replay isn't different. It doesn't matter how intense players are in terms of whether expanded replay works for the game of baseball or not.

In addition, by baseball officials pushing their study past Opening Day and through late October, they would see the plusses and the minuses of expanded instant replay for every ballpark, especially since each would be affected by the move in unique ways.

If baseball used expanded replay for the entire 2013 season, including the playoffs, they really wouldn't be "testing" it would they? Wouldn't they have essentially adopted expanded instant replay at that point?

First, according to an ESPN.com story, baseball wants to determine whether to copy the NFL's challenge-flag silliness. In that league, each team gets two challenges per game, and if a challenge fails, that team losses a timeout.

Baseball officials shouldn't consider that one, and not just because timeouts are unlimited in their game.

Each MLB team gets two challenges during a game and that's it. There, I fixed it.

The challenge-flag system is even too clumsy for the NFL. There often is the comical sight of a coach trying to yank the flag from his pocket,

Then MLB should not use flags for their challenges. The manager can signal the umpire he wants to challenge a call. This is very nitpicking stuff when arguing against the use of expanded replay in baseball. Plus, I don't think NFL coaches look stupid throwing the flag.

If baseball goes the expanded replay route, it can make life smoother for everybody by just having a designated replay person to say a call should be reviewed.

Just give the coaches two challenges and have the umpire look at the replay. It won't take long at all. Seriously, it will very easy upon the first or second viewing to see if the call was correct or not.

The designated replay person would sit in the press-box area.

BUT THE REPLAY PERSON CAN'T EAT THE PRESS-BOX FOOD! I HOPE MLB MAKES THIS ABUNDANTLY CLEAR!

A group of maybe three people would serve as judge and jury for every replay around the Major Leagues. And the latter would operate from a central location.

What the hell is all this? Terence Moore makes no sense to me. He is against the use of expanded replay, but then he sets up an expanded replay system that is overly elaborate and complicated. It's like he fundamentally doesn't understand replay in baseball can be easy. A manager (instead of coming out to argue the call) signals he wants to challenge the call and then the head umpire checks out the replay and confirms or overturns the call. It will take maybe 2 minutes to complete the process if the umpire and manager walk slow. We don't need a jury of the umpire's peers to serve on a committee that will hand down a ruling on the call.

Which actually brings us to more questions: What plays beyond the current ones would be eligible for review? And how would you keep games from lasting for hours, days, weeks?

It's not brain science. Each team gets two challenges and the time challenging/reviewing the call will replace the time usually spent by the umpire and manager arguing with each other.

Sorry, but I forgot I'm still on that train, which means I'll accept the fact that baseball officials eventually will decide to use instant replay for safe/out calls.

Actually, if you were still on the "no replay" train then you wouldn't accept the fact baseball officials eventually will use instant replay for safe/out calls.

I'll offer a humble suggestion, though: They should restrict those reviews to home plate. This isn't to say such calls are more important than those on the bases.

Actually, that's exactly what this suggestion says. It says calls at home plate are more important than calls on other parts of the field.

It is to say this would save time. No matter how much supporters of instant replay say otherwise, any expansion of their system will extend the length of games -- and to a noticeable degree.

Terence has no proof to back this up. He could be correct, but merely saying the games will be lengthened doesn't serve as proof this statement is correct. If there are four replays and each one takes two minutes then the game will be lengthened by eight minutes. So games could be lengthened by only eight minutes and that's not even counting the time ordinarily spent with the manager arguing with the umpire. In some games there may be zero challenges so the game won't be lengthened at all. Stating instant replay will lengthen games may be true to a small degree, but it won't be any more noticeable than the one minute between pitches that a pitcher takes.

Managers still will be managers.

I mean, regardless of the final decision of replay officials, you just know more than a few managers will continue that baseball tradition of going nose-to-nose with the closest umpire.

I really don't know if this is true. What will the manager be talking about? Managers argue now because they tend to believe the call on the basepaths was the incorrect call. If replay backs up the original call then will the manager really take the time to argue with the umpire? I am sure some managers will, but once the replay has confirmed the call there isn't much to argue over.

Players won't stop yelling, either.

Maybe I'm naive, but I think replay will reduce the amount of arguing. Since replay won't be expanded to balls and strikes, of course players will still argue those calls.

I got an idea. Why not leave things alone?

Because taking an extra minute or two to ensure the calls on the field are correct makes sense when the technology is available to do so.

But I'm still on that train.

Terence is on this train just out of pure stubbornness. He knows umpires get calls wrong, which tells me there is an argument for expanded replay. The idea a 3 hour baseball game will be lengthened by a few challenges to the umpires' calls seems silly to me. Terence is on the train, but unfortunately it is 2013 and nobody rides trains as much anymore.

8 comments MMQB Review: Do Not Dare Attempt to Confirm What Peter's Last Name Is Edition

I have created a BotB Yahoo Fantasy Football League if anyone cares to join. There should be some rule changes this year as compared to last year's league. Either way, the league ID is 250429 and the password is "eckstein." I put a message up on the board there about some possible rule changes in the league. If you have an opinion, feel free to chime in. We only have room for two more players. I have also created a College Football Yahoo Pick 'Em league if anyone cares to join that league. The league ID is 5656 and the password is "asu."

Peter King was on part of his NFL camp tour in the South last week and he described to us how the free hotel food just wasn't up to par. What good is being able to travel around the United States if you can't have the same bowl of cereal you have every morning for breakfast no matter what part of the country you are in? Peter also heroically called for our leaders to "lead and something" about this gun violence. The amount of specificity and ideas for a solution in that request has inspired our nation's leaders to take immediate action. This week Peter is impressed with Neckbeard first preseason game, updates us all on Chad Johnson because apparently someone other than Dolphins fans care about him, and hates to be inconvenienced when hotel clerks ask him what his last name is.

One thing I noticed about the kid quarterbacks playing early -- Andrew Luck, Robert Griffin III, Ryan Tannehill and Brandon Weeden -- is none of them had happy feet in their pro debuts.

And we all know preseason is the best way to ensure a first impression is the lasting and correct impression. It is one game in the preseason, so those not getting happy feet probably doesn't mean that much.

In discussing Brandon Weeden, it is important to know he's not going to get happy feet in the pocket. He's been through too much in his life to get nervous about playing quarterback against a tough pass rush. Weeden went through a tour in Operation Desert Storm in January 1991, he was drafted in the second round of the MLB Draft by Yankees (as the eventual replacement for Mickey Mantle), then he got traded for Lou Brock, and Weeden now has four children and seven grandchildren who look up to him. He's not going to be scared by an NFL pass rush. Plus, he has some numbness in his feet so it's hard for his feet to be overly happy and he always has his Social Security check to fall back on in case his NFL dream fails. I'm not worried about Weeden, he'll be fine.

Ten storylines of the first full weekend of football (albeit faux exhibition football) since January:

No, it is pretty much true exhibition football.

1. The big rookies didn't look like rookies.I wrote about Robert Griffin III from Buffalo the other night and noted that the best thing about his first pro performance is he never looked like a rookie. Ditto Andrew Luck on Sunday. The combined stat line for the top two picks in the 2012 draft is certainly no indication that they'll be enshrined in Canton someday, but it's certainly better than the alternative:

Actually, it isn't necessarily certainly better than the alternative. By stating one great preseason performance doesn't mean Luck/Griffin will be enshrined in Canton, this also means one bad preseason performance doesn't mean Luck/Griffin will be mediocre NFL quarterbacks. If the preseason doesn't mean much and we can't draw definite conclusions from a preseason performance, then if Luck/Griffin looked terrible we probably couldn't draw a conclusion from that either. So looking good in one preseason game could give no indication as to their future prospects, just like looking bad could give no indication as to their future prospects.

I can tell you this: When I was in Dolphins camp 12 days ago, it was the day Johnson did his irreverent press conference, saying he'd go into porn if he didn't make the Dolphins, that he was going to take his mates to a strip club on a day off, and other typical Chad malarkey. You know what's wrong with Johnson?

He is an idiot whose sometimes idiotic comments, made in an effort to gain attention, have been eaten up by the media, which has resulted in Chad Johnson acting like more of an idiot in an effort to gain more attention from a more-than-willing and enabling media?

Spoiler alert: This isn't what's wrong with Johnson and Peter fails to see how the media has enabled Johnson.

He doesn't understand his environment. You think a straight-shooter like Joe Philbin's going to laugh at stuff like that? He's not -- and I can tell you, he didn't. Johnson had very little margin for error in Miami, and spending a night in jail over a domestic dispute erased the margin.

And of course not understanding his environment hasn't come from the attention he gets from the media for his antics. Not at all. How would Chad Johnson have ever gotten the idea he can do whatever crazy thing he wants to do and it be looked at as cute and quirky if he had not gotten such positive feedback from media and fans alike previously for his antics?

3. Peyton's back, but not all the way back. In his first game action since the Pro Bowl 18 months ago, Peyton Manning played one series at Chicago, and it ended with a slightly off-target interception. But all that matters is he got through it, felt good and reported no problems with either his surgically repaired neck or his right arm.

Just a few paragraphs ago Peter said a good preseason performance beat the alternative of a bad preseason performance. In the case of Peyton Manning I guess a bad performance doesn't matter.

7. If not for bad luck, the Browns would have no luck. Rookie rushing savior Trent Richardson had a scope on his aching knee Thursday; he's likely but not certain to play in the opener. Cleveland's best defensive back, Joe Haden, could be suspended for four weeks for taking a drug usually used to combat narcolepsy and attention deficit disorder.

Haden took a drug for narcolepsy? I guess that gives new meaning to the phrase sometimes used when a cornerback gets beaten deep for a touchdown, "The corner looked like he was asleep out there." In Haden's case, it could have been true.

Now for my week's travelogue, which started with a 607-mile jaunt from Georgia to the shadow of the nation's capital and finished in the parched midwest.

By "parched" Peter King means that the midwest didn't have any Starbucks coffee shops. Peter doesn't get why presidential candidates are touring the midwest in these so-called "swing states." Why would a presidential candidate go to an area without a Starbucks, even if it means they gain votes?

I know mobility is a great attribute for a quarterback, particularly in a division when you're facing DeMarcus Ware, Trent Cole, Jason Babin, Jason Pierre-Paul, Osi Umenyiora and Justin Tuck each twice a year. But Griffin weighs 217 pounds. Getting him out on the flank so much, trying to make people miss, is a dangerous proposition.

I actually agree with Peter King on this issue. We all make fun of the bad comparisons between two players, like when a white player is always compared to another white player or because one quarterback has an attribute then he gets compared to another quarterback with that attribute. I've seen the Newton-Griffin comparison and I don't get it. I think Griffin-Vick is a more accurate comparison and that makes me worry for Griffin because Vick has had injuries throughout his career. These injuries weren't necessarily because of his scrambling style, but his scrambling style certainly didn't help.

Before you argue, "Well, Cam Newton ran 128 times last year and he never got hurt,'' let me remind you that Newton's a full-grown thoroughbred and Griffin's a young colt. Griffin is not Newton. At 217 pounds, RGIII is 31 pounds lighter than Newton, and doesn't have the physical suit of armor Newton has.

It's no fun when I agree with Peter King, but he's right about this. Newton isn't trying to run the ball 128 times this year either. I like Griffin and want him to succeed, but the combination of getting hit while running the ball along with the hits he will inevitably take in the pocket scares me he will be somewhat injury-prone.

I talked to one influential Redskin source here, who said, basically, that Griffin ran with abandon for the past two years and didn't get hurt. I looked it up: 26 Baylor games, 328 rushes, 12.6 rushes per game, and he survived.

This Redskin source is an idiot if he doesn't understand the difference in the NFL game and the college game. In the NFL there are 11 of that one guy on the opposing college team who is athletic enough to chase a quarterback down. The competition in the NFL is elite, while the Big 12 defenses were not elite. So reciting college statistics doesn't go far to convince me.

Griffin looked great running in this practice. One advantage: He had the red shirt on. No one could touch him. Look at a 15-day stretch in October on the Redskins' schedule. Jared Allen, the Giants, James Harrison. I'm thinking Griffin might want a bullet-proof vest as well as the EvoShield.

A bullet-proof vest? Really, Peter? When is someone going to do something about all this gun violence in the United States? Isn't that what Peter asked last week? Now he's using violent gun imagery to prove a point. I'm shocked, saddened, outraged, slightly tired, mostly angered, and appalled at Peter's outrage at gun violence in America while he uses violent gun imagery that most likely caused 4-5 high schoolers to read MMQB, go buy a gun, and then use it to shoot their classmates. Congratulations Peter, you are now part of the problem.

I don't consider a third receiver (Mario Manningham) and backup running back (Brandon Jacobs) big losses, nor are Martellus Bennett or Sean Locklear anything but meh acquisitions.

Peter will think these are "meh" acquisitions until mid-December when he writes his annual "Jerry Reese makes a ton of moves that no one thinks are smart moves" column after Bennett catches 70 passes or Locklear becomes a crucial part of the Giants' offensive line.

It's all starting to add up now. Rex Ryan says the Jets are going ground and pound. Jets trade for Tim Tebow. Jets want Tim Tebow to play a role. Tebow bulks up to 250. The new offensive coordinator, Tony Sparano, brought the Wildcat back to football four years ago, and there's little doubt he's going to use Tebow in some diverse roles out of the backfield here.

You can't fool Peter King! It may have taken him some time, but he figured out after the Jets signed Ex-QB Punt Protector Jets and after the Jets brought back an offensive coordinator who has experience with the Wildcat that the Jets are planning on using Ex-QB Punt Protector Jets as a quarterback in the Wildcat formation AND Ex-QB Punt Protector Jets may end up throwing the ball a little bit. It's all so wild and crazy, but Peter won't get fooled for long. He's on to the New York Jets, even if it took three months for him to get there.

Westhoff rubs his hands in glee, gets Tebow into his team meetings, and Tebow suggests a few ways he can be used.

(Rex Ryan) "Help us think of some ways you can be used Tim. Just brainstorm real quickly."

(Tim Tebow) "I'd really like to speak to the team about Christ, if I could do that."

(Rex Ryan) "No, no, not at all. Like how are we going to use you on the football field? I need you to provide ideas to me about this."

(Tim Tebow) "Like I was used in Denver. I will be used as a sideshow in an effort to expand the fan base through my constant talking about Christ and my religion. The media loves me and I am a good person, so it works out well."

(Rex Ryan) "What I mean is...if I put you on the field, how can you score points to win games for us?"

(Tim Tebow) "It's not about scoring points and winning games. It's about honoring Him through the people you touch on a dail---"

(Rex Ryan) "Son of a motherfucking bitch. Are you stupid or something? I don't need your damn ideas then. You will play quarterback from time to time. Decision made (Rex Ryan walks away)."

(Tim Tebow calls after him desperately) "But coach, I'm not really comfortable playing quarterback!"

It says here a good chunk of the ground-and-pounding will come from the 250-pound quarterback/punt protector/option runner. I'll put the over/under of Tebow's average snaps per game, including plays in the kicking and punting game, at 18. And if I had to go to Vegas with that, give me the over.

I don't dislike Ex-QB Punt Protector Jets, but can he go away? Forever? I'm tired of talking about him.

Arizona: Rookie Ryan Lindley, the sixth-round quarterback from San Diego State, isn't far behind incumbents Kevin Kolb and John Skelton. Don't see him playing anything but a cameo this year, though, barring the other two stinking up the place.

And yet again, did it really make sense to draft Michael Floyd and give the shaky quarterbacks another receiver they have trouble getting the ball to consistently? I feel like Early Doucet and Andre Roberts are sufficient at wide receiver for the time being and the Cardinals should have focused on other areas in the draft. I'm still vexed by this.

New Orleans: The Drew Brees- and Chase Daniel-led offense (and don't laugh; Daniel was very good the day we watched) will not let Sean Payton's absence drag down a great attack.

BREAKING NEWS: Drew Brees is a good quarterback even when Sean Payton isn't his head coach.

Just before 3 a.m. Friday, the SI-EvoShield NFL Training Camp Tour docked in Sandusky, Ohio, and I roused myself and walked to the front desk of one of the local hotels. I said hello to the gal behind the desk and handed her my photo ID drivers license and my American Express card to check in. She looked at the cards and put them down next to her keyboard.

"Last name, sir?''

Not quite believing she asked this question after I handed her two plastic cards with my full name on both, I said, "Schwartz.''

Peter isn't satisfied if he isn't being dick to someone working in a customer service position. It's bad enough these people don't recognize how much better than them he is. Then they dare to ask him questions he is expected to answer? Peter is the one who asks the questions, not the one who answers questions.

She typed away for three or four seconds, and then said, "Uhhhhh ... "

"Last name is King,'' I said. "Just curious -- why'd you ask me my last name when I just handed you my license and my credit card?''

"Because I wanted to and you can't get a room key without checking-in through me. Just curious, why are you an asshole who refuses to answer my questions honestly?"

"Well, we just want to make sure it's you who's checking in instead of someone using your identification,'' she said.

This policy is trying to protect Peter from someone checking into the hotel under his name and charging a whole lot of shit on his credit card. It's probably a hotel policy and really it isn't an inconvenience unless you are an impatient person.

But no, stating his last name is too much of an inconvenience for Peter King. How dare you try to protect him from credit card fraud! You lazy no-good, middle class piece of shit. You don't ask the elite people of this nation, the same elite who make six fucking figures a year what their last name is. Can't you read the card? It says Peter King. THE Peter King. THE Peter King who shouldn't be bothered with you asking him questions when he doesn't want to be asked questions. Now go back to your life trying to make ends meet, Peter has to get up early and bitch about this hotel's continental breakfast food selections. If he's too tired from a lack of sleep he may just drink the hotel's coffee rather than make a mental note to bitch about how terrible the coffee tastes.

My mind raced. If someone was doing that, wouldn't someone have had to bug my phone or steal my personal information from somewhere to know I had a room at this $119-a-night palace in Sandusky, Ohio, and then use my stolen or forged cards to check into said Sandusky palace?

No, someone could simply steal your credit card and bank account information and notice your credit card has a deposit at this specific hotel and try to stay there under your name. I don't know. They are just trying to protect you. Get over it.

It's the most colossally stupid thing I can remember at a hotel front desk, but I had no desire to say anything else at 3 in the morning in Sandusky, Ohio, other than, "Where is the nearest pillow?''

It's probably hotel policy and it isn't necessarily stupid. What is colossally stupid is being angry about this for the entire weekend and then feeling your readers can relate to your impatience with hotel clerks. Even if it was unnecessary, what's the harm in answering the question with one word? The world isn't your toilet where you can go take a shit on whoever you want simply because you are slightly inconvenienced.

Then, as if he wants to provide further proof of how out-of-touch with reality he is, Peter relays a story about how he throw out the first pitch (actually the first football) at a minor league game and then participated in one of the festivities between innings. Peter can't be bothered to give his last name to a hotel desk clerk, but he sure does love that people know his name and it helps him to be able to do cool things.

2. I think I have to agree with Neil Hornsby, the Pro Football Focus guru who traveled with Team SI to 16 camps and/or stadia over the past 19 days, about Ben Roethlisberger. On Friday, we watched the Eagles chase Roethlisberger all over Lincoln Financial Field in the first quarter of the preseason opener. I mean, Big Ben was running for his life, dealing with yet another leaky offensive line. I don't know how long the guy's going to last until the Steelers figure out how to protect him.

Roethlisberger has been running for his life for quite a few years now. He's used to it by now. Not to mention, IT'S THE PRESEASON.

One more note on the Vilma case: His court filing last week identified me as someone "commonly known as a go-to-source for NFL leaks.'' When I saw that, my chest puffed out a bit. Maybe it's true, maybe it isn't. But if it is, isn't that what reporters want? Don't reporters want to be known for finding people in the business they cover to tell them things that are hidden from the light of day? I'll never be a twentieth of a Woodward or a Bernstein, but this business is all about telling readers and listeners and viewers things they don't know. And I'd be proud if in this case I've done that.

DO YOU HEAR THAT DESK CLERK IN SANDUSKY, OHIO????? PETER KING IS SOMEONE SPECIAL AND YOU ARE JUST A WHORE DESK CLERK IN SANDUSKY, OHIO WHO PROBABLY LIVES NEXT TO A CRACK HOUSE AND WILL NEVER BE 1.455% AS SUCCESSFUL AS PETER KING IS!

It's funny that every time someone massages Peter's ego he is absolutely sure to tell us about it in MMQB. He is very, very impressed with himself and is very, very glad when others are impressed with him. If Peter gets any kind of honor (like throwing out a first pitch, having a minor league team with a Peter King bobble head night, or being the PA announcer at a Red Sox game), he is sure to tell his audience about it in an effort to remind them (out of pure insecurity I am guessing) just how great others find Peter King to be. These aren't even humblebrags. They are just Peter being fake modest while relaying how great others believe him to be. If he were so modest about it, he wouldn't even bring it up every single time someone lets him throw out the first pitch or states something complimentary about him.

7. I think, and it's long overdue, I owe the lads at Ourlads Scouting Services thanks for their work on this camp tour. Not that they're driving the EvoShield van

By the way, Peter mentions EvoShield or the van he is driving sponsored by them ten separate times in this column. It may as well be MMQB brought to you by EvoShield.

f. I finally got to see a bunch of Olympic highlights on NBC Sunday night. Wow, we're good.

Thanks for your input, Peter. Insightful, yet brief.

And though I'm not a great hoops fan, congrats to the men and women on their golds too.

I'm sure these players are all thrilled to be congratulated by Peter. It's better than a gold medal to be congratulated by the same Peter King who gets to be the PA announcer at a Red Sox game and who constantly tries to remind us whenever he is recognized for doing his job well.

g. Coffeenerdness: Really, Marriott Towne Place Suite and Residence Inns. Have you tasted the stuff you call coffee? It's barely coffee-flavored water.

Your free coffee sucks Marriott Towne Place Suite and Residence Inns. Peter is not impressed. Go kill yourself now.

Sometimes I think Peter intentionally comes off as an entitled, pampered person. I don't know why he would want to do this, but his constant whining about free services hotels provide is absolutely not endearing and tends to grate on the nerves.

I congratulate you on your fine morning oatmeal, and when you have Cheerios -- plain, good old-fashioned Cheerios -- I couldn't be more pleased. But the coffee tastes like you've used the same coffee through the same filter about four times. Weak beyond belief.

Apparently Peter has never heard the phrase, "You get what you pay for," or perhaps he doesn't care and just expects coffee from a hotel to have the same taste as the $4 cup he buys at Starbucks. Either way, the whining has to stop.

Wasn't disappointed sitting in the back of the EvoShield van on the way to Giants' camp, writing and having a couple. It's a lighter wheat ale, a little spicy. Just what I needed on the Jersey Turnpike at 11 at night.

Great, Peter will always remember that night he had an open container of alcohol in a moving vehicle. Good times. Somebody needs to do something about gun control and that weak coffee at hotels though.

k. Got a lot of catching up to do on "The Newsroom." Someday.

It's by Aaron Sorkin and I haven't seen it. I'm guessing it has office romances, dialogue while characters are walking and in-depth discussions about social issues between characters that sounds completely and utterly scripted.

12 comments Some Super Bowl Traditions Need To Change

The NFL, at its heart, is a business. So when they take advantage of the Super Bowl for financial gain, I cannot feign surprise. But some traditions, while highly profitable, need to go.

1. Super Bowl Location

I have long been a proponent of home-field advantage at every stage of the playoffs. In the MLB, NBA and NHL, one team has that advantage. While the methods may be flawed (I'm looking at you, baseball), one of the essential factors in sports plays a role. Why should Green Bay, a #6 seed, be rewarded once they reach the Super Bowl with a neutral location? The goal of the NFL season is to win the Super Bowl, not just grace its money-hoarding field. Green Bay may have played well over the last 5 weeks, but so has Pittsburgh. Something should separate them. Something should indicate that one team has an earned an advantage over the other. Once the Super Bowl comes around, regular season success is ignored faster than player safety (If I'm in the CBA bargaining room fighting on behalf of the Union, I would love to hear the owners attempt to reconcile the 18-game schedule with player safety. Almost as much as I'd love to have sat in on a Pacman Jones/Goodell meeting.) Home-field should be that dividing line, the better team the same advantage they have had throughout the playoffs.

The rules for home-field, however, should not be based on seed. Although the current system exemplifies the best, yet flawed solution, the Super Bowl allows for a chance for it to be corrected. Instead of having the higher seeded team host the game, give it to the team with the better record, the closest indicator we have of a team's ability. If that can't settle the issue, here are the other tie-breakers.

1. Record
2. Record against common opponents
3. Seed

2. The Halftime Show

Not because it was atrocious (I choked/laughed/fell out of my chair when Bleacher Report called it the best Halftime show ever). Not because it probably costs the NFL money they do not want to spend. Simply because of its length. Although it made no difference this year, any ounce of momentum gained at the end of the 1st half cannot carry over when halftime takes an hour. In 2008, James Harrison had his 100 yard INT return to end the half. But instead of Pittsburgh coming out and dominating the second half and putting the game away (as that huge swing would have suggested), they fell flat. In fact, until the final drive, Arizona owned the 2nd half. This year the Black Eyed Peas continued their massacre for so long that Aaron Rodgers took all his pads off and joked with teammates while the festivities went on. I'm not saying Rodgers should not relax, but you don't get up from dinner midway through to watch TV. Sure, you may stop eating for a moment to catch your breath and digest a little, but ultimately dinner is relatively uninterrupted. And since football and food are clearly analgous, this halftime atrocity cannot continue.

3. The Post-Game Confetti

I, like everyone else, love confetti. While it may be annoying when it hits your face, its symbolic gesture far outweighs any negativity. I merely ask that they delay the confetti drop for at least 5 minutes after the game. Give the players a chance to find their families (random note of the day: best post-game hug combo in the Super Bowl ever? Eli Manning, scrambling to find someone, bear-hugging Jeff Feagles because no one else wanted to celebrate with the winning QB). Give the players a chance to put on the Super Bowl gear so they don't have to pick confetti out of their hair, pants, and wherever else when they get in the shower. And most importantly, give the losers a chance to get off the field. When you defeat an opponent in pickup basketball, you don't kick 'em while he's down. The shame of defeat is good enough. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for embarrassment and verbal abuse. But the confetti is not merely the winning team proclaiming its win, but the entire NFL essentially saying "enjoy the taste of defeat, assholes."