2 comments Dan Shaughnessy is Livid That UMass is Honoring John Calipari Because of Reasons He Copied and Pasted from Every Other Column Written about John Calipari

We still have one open spot in the fantasy baseball league and if anyone wants to join then send me an email to bengoodfella@yahoo.com and I will send you an invite. That will put the league at 10 people and we need one more person before the draft on Sunday.

Dan Shaughnessy claims to be upset that UMass will be honoring John Calipari on the 20th anniversary of Calipari taking the UMass men's basketball team to the Final Four. That's not what this column is about though. It's about John Calipari being slightly shady at UMass and Dan Shaughnessy feeling snubbed by Calipari. This means Dan will go hard at Calipari for his actions at UMass, despite the fact the NCAA cleared Calipari of any wrongdoing by the NCAA. I don't love Calipari, but I think Dan Shaughnessy is more butt hurt by a snub the "Globe" received from Calipari 20 years ago then he is really concerned about UMass honoring Calipari.

Here we are. Kentucky, the No. 1-ranked team in the country — coached by John Calipari — is on the cusp of NCAA history, 31-0 after Saturday’s win over Florida.

Well, all he has to do is roll the ball out to center court and his team wins. Having talented freshmen on the team is just a matter of doing that. Just ask Rick Barnes who couldn't get past the second round of the NCAA tournament with Kevin Durant, and Coach K, who has lost in the first round of the NCAA Tournament twice over the last three years with a talented lottery pick freshman on his roster.

Meanwhile, the folks at UMass have decided to retire Coach Cal’s “number,” and this weekend marks the 20th anniversary of him refusing to allow a Globe reporter to visit his home for Selection Sunday.

And that is really what this little temper tantrum/column is about. Dan Shaughnessy and his paper feel jilted by John Calipari. Dan's ego is hurt so he's going to take it out on the big meanies who hurt him.

Sometimes there is not enough space in our newspaper to articulate all the thoughts, and state all the points, that need to be made.

If only Dan had enough pull at the paper to get more room to write all that he really wants to write. Unfortunately, the big meanies at the "Boston Globe" won't allow him more space.

Let’s start with this: John Calipari is a magnetic figure, undoubtedly the greatest college basketball recruiter of the 21st century. He works the NCAA’s cesspool system better than any man alive. He is charismatic. He came to Amherst more than a quarter of a century ago as a Rick Pitino wannabe, but now he has vaulted over Pitino, and created the Brand of Cal.

Notice how Dan at no point mentions that Calipari is a good coach. Since I'm guessing that Shaughnessy watches college basketball starting in March of every year then I will also guess that Dan's knowledge about college basketball is probably gained from everything he sees in March. Even so, he should know that Calipari is a really good coach. It's not easy to get freshmen to play defense and he gets his freshmen to play defense AND give up minutes to other talented players.

He is probably going to win a second national championship with Kentucky this year and is no doubt a swell dancer and would make for a fine dinner companion.

Though Dan wouldn't know if Calipari was a fine dinner companion because Cal snubbed Dan's employer for dinner one time 20 years ago.

But as a Massachusetts taxpayer, I have a problem with UMass “retiring” Coach Cal’s number.

Dan isn't butt hurt by John Calipari snubbing the "Globe," he's just a concerned taxpayer. That's all. Dan's ego isn't the issues, it's that Dan wants to make sure his taxes don't go to a retired jersey for John Calipari.

Really? Bill Cosby’s jersey is not available?

Bill Cosby went to Temple and has no affiliation to UMass, so that's why they aren't retiring his jersey. Wait, this was supposed to be a joke? I guess should acknowledge such a hot take combined with a super burn.  

I enjoy how Dan Shaughnessy is equating (allegedly) raping multiple women over a multiple decade-long span of time to Calipari's players accepting cash from an agent or having someone else take the SAT in place of the player. Rape, taking money from an agent or cheating on the SAT, they are all the same thing according to Dan Shaughnessy's moral code of conduct.

Calipari is a man who stretches the rules, and wins. He won at UMass. He won at Memphis. He took both schools to the Final Four, but both appearances were “vacated.’’ 

While it's not as much fun to be fair to Calipari, if I were being fair, then I would point out the wins at UMass weren't vacated for actions that Calipari took part in. It was Marcus Camby and contact with an agent that got the UMass Final Four vacated. And again, Derrick Rose's SAT score was the issue at Memphis and Calipari was not considered to have committed any wrongdoing. I don't ever deny the smoke that surrounds Calipari, but Dan is giving the appearance that Calipari was accused of wrongdoing in both situations, which isn't the official truth of the situation. Sure, Dan WANTS Calipari to have been found of wrongdoing, but that doesn't mean it's the truth.

They were erased. You know the drill. Ineligible players. Phony SAT tests. The usual. So, while Coach Cal and Pitino are the only coaches to take three schools to the Final Four, Cal’s also got more vacancies than a Days Inn in downtown Detroit.

ZING!

And our state university is going to honor him? Again?

He led the UMass men's basketball team to a level of success they have not experienced since he left the university. The Final Four was vacated, but UMass basketball fans still remember and enjoy Calipari's time coaching the team. 

He has a chance to produce the first undefeated college team since Bobby Knight’s Indiana Hoosiers 39 years ago. But it’s impossible to escape the notion that Coach Cal is a glorified AAU bag man. 

A lot of NCAA basketball coaches are this way. Coach Calipari has a tight relationship with AAU coaches and guys like Worldwide Wes, but it's not like a respected coach like Bill Self is above shady dealings related to AAU coaches. Recruiting isn't an easy world to stay clean in.

I see Calipari on the bench and I see bundles of cash. I see classroom vacancies. I must be imagining things.

John Calipari does get paid a lot of money, so maybe that's why Dan sees bundles of cash. For all the things that Calipari has been accused of, I'm not sure paying players is one of those things. I don't know if his players go to class, but this sounds like the boring, assumptive criticism that a hack like Shaughnessy would make. It's criticism-by-numbers.

Cal promotes the dribble-drive and gets his one-and-done kids to the NBA.

I hate to ruin Dan's image of Calipari, but his team this year started two juniors, two sophomores, and a freshman prior to Alex Poythress getting injured. Coaches who are thought to uphold the grand tradition of the student-athlete had similar starting lineups this year. Coach K started three freshmen, a senior and junior, while Bill Self started two juniors, two freshmen, and two sophomores at various times through year. Other teams like Wisconsin have seniors starting, but Calipari shouldn't be faulted for helping his players accomplish the goal of making it to the NBA.

He walks hand-in-hand with the fraudulent, sanctimonious governing body that insists we refer to his players as “student-athletes.’’ What a joke.

And of course it is John Calipari's fault that the NCAA is a fraudulent governing body. He could change how the NCAA handles business, but he chooses not to. This is a very typical observation of a sportswriter who watches college basketball for three weeks in a year.

But the joke is on us when UMass chooses to honor Cal during the 2015-16 season, a year that will mark the 20th anniversary of the Minutemen’s one and only trip the Final Four, an appearance that officially never happened.

I really don't care. John Calipari has never snubbed me for dinner.

UMass looks pathetic. It’s bad enough that the school bosses have signed off on a ridiculous, costly, and futile plan to play Bowl Subdivision football.

Watch out for the quick change-of-subject criticism!

In case you missed it, Cal took UMass to the Final Four at the Meadowlands in the spring of 1996 (ironically, the Minutemen were eliminated by Pitino’s eventual national champs from Kentucky), but it turned out that star center Marcus Camby already had turned professional while he was still in school, and UMass’s appearance was officially erased by the NCAA.

It's hard to miss it when this entire article hinges on the reader understanding that Camby took money from an agent and Dan Shaughnessy is desperately trying to do something the NCAA couldn't (or wouldn't...I have no idea which one it is) do, which is tie Calipari to Camby who was tied to the agent.

Coach Cal got out of town before the posse arrived, lying to everyone on his way out the door as he took millions from the New Jersey Nets.

But as was learned from the Bruce Pearl and Jim Tressel situations the NCAA could have imposed a "show-cause" penalty on any team looking to hire John Calipari, meaning he could have gotten punished even after he left town to coach the New Jersey Nets. The NCAA did not impose a "show-cause" penalty. It's a common misconception that Calipari could have left for the NBA and the NCAA would have completely had their hands tied. It was a decision by the NCAA to not impose sanctions on Calipari for any role he played in the UMass-Marcus Camby situation.

Now, Nefarious John is at Kentucky, producing a conga line of lottery picks, some of whom perhaps actually spend several hours on campus.

This is such a lazy criticism, because as we learned from the UNC-CH scandal, there is no way of telling if college basketball players from other high-profile universities attend class either. This whole column is lazy and reeks of by-the-numbers criticism of Calipari without any real in-depth knowledge of each individual situation that is being criticized.

Hardly any of them graduate, of course.

"Hardly" any of Calipari's players graduate. Well, according to Dan's own newspaper the University of Kentucky graduates players at an 82% rate. That's not really considered "hardly" in my world, but I'm looking for the column from Dan that will never happen where he criticizes Bo Ryan, Jim Boeheim, and Thad Matt for their graduation rate below 50%. I'm sure the system is stacked against them though, since we learned early in this column that the NCAA is inextricably tied to John Calipari and he controls every move the NCAA makes.

What good are facts when an opinion can better serve to prove the point that needs to be proven?

And the needy, deprived fans of Kentucky basketball somehow manage to devote their lives to this product. They are OK when a raft of Kentucky players get drafted and Cal announces that it’s the greatest night in the history of Kentucky basketball.

Every college basketball program brags about the players from that school that have reached the NBA. It's a recruiting tool that all schools use. I'm not sure why Dan insists on acting like Kentucky or John Calipari are the only ones who do this. It's probably because Dan pays attention to college basketball for three weeks per year and so all of his non-insights are based on assumptions and opinions that lack a factual basis.

Kentucky fans are defiantly proud of their one-and-done semi-pro players who visit campus briefly on their way to the NBA.

Much in the same way Dan is defiantly proud of being disliked by so many of his readers who view him as a troll who they wish would go away.

But it’s all OK because, you know, Cal is just working within the system. And he is really good at it. The Wildcats are fun to watch (did you see the spectacular comeback against Georgia Tuesday night?). And if you have an 18-year-old son who is one year away from NBA millions, send him to Kentucky.

Or Duke. Or Kansas. Or one of the other top schools in the recruiting rankings. But yeah, blame Kentucky for all of the one-and-done players while pretending Ohio State, Duke, Kansas, and Texas haven't had their share of one-and-done players as well. I've written this 1000 times, but Calipari has stated he isn't a fan of the one-and-done rule, so blaming him for an NBA rule that forces college basketball players to attend college or play overseas for one year is misguided. Dan being misguided shouldn't come as a shock. He comes to the party late and then pretends to have been there the entire time. He writes with 50% of the knowledge he needs and just assumes that knowledge which he doesn't have.

Just don’t insult everybody’s intelligence by calling him a “student-athlete.’’

That's the NCAA calling them student-athletes, not John Calipari's doing.

This week marks the 20th anniversary of Coach Cal barring the Globe from his Shutesbury home on Selection Sunday. The Globe’s UMass beat reporter was the estimable Joe Burris, who had covered the Minutemen for six seasons and wrote stories on 29 regular-season games in 1995.

Now for the real reason that Dan Shaughnessy doesn't like John Calipari. It has less to do with UMass honoring Calipari and more to do with Calipari snubbing the "Globe" from entering his home. Not that Dan would ever write a column based on any biases he has. Of course not.

Calipari was upset because the Globe had reported on the poor grades and academic probation of UMass’s student-athletes — a report that should have served as fair warning that our State U. was sacrificing standards in the name of Final Four glory.

Much like how the "Globe" sacrifices journalistic talent and integrity for the sake of pageviews and name recognition by continuing to employ Dan Shaughnessy.

“The Globe’s not invited,’’ UMass publicist Bill Strickland said 20 years ago. “He did not want the Boston Globe in his home . . . I think he should be entitled to invite anyone he wants to his house. And to keep anyone out.’’

Fair enough.

Oh good, I'm glad Dan finds it acceptable to think that John Calipari can invite anyone into his house that he wants into his home and can keep anyone out of his home that he doesn't want there.

But I found it amazing that Burris — a man worthy of marrying the daughter of Nobel Peace Prize winner Archbishop Desmond Tutu — was not allowed in the home of a man who prevailed over a program that disgraced Massachusetts.

Except this is a stupid argument because Calipari had not disgraced Massachusetts at that point, so 20 years ago Burris was simply not allowed in the home of a college basketball coach. At the time, Calipari wasn't presiding over a program that had a Final Four vacated. Hey Dan, remember the whole "Calipari got out of town and took the New Jersey Nets' money before the posse got him" criticism of Calipari you had earlier? Well, Calipari was in town still, so you can't have it both ways. You can't have Calipari run from his disgrace and tell stories about how Calipari was already a disgraced coach while still at UMass.

It was like getting scolded for cheating by Alex Rodriguez.

(Bengoodfella makes wanking motion with his hand)

And now we are honoring Coach Cal.

March Madness, indeed.

And of course, Dan's bitterness towards Calipari has nothing to do with the "Globe" not being invited to Calipari's house and it's certainly not based on a limited amount of knowledge that Dan has based on watching college basketball for three weeks of the season. This is a paint-by-numbers screed against Calipari. It's embarrassing for Dan because he compares John Calipari to Bill Crosby, since rape is on the same moral plane as taking money from an agent, and he clearly didn't put any thought into what he wrote. Of course, much like he criticizes Kentucky for taking pride in their one-and-done players, Dan takes great pride in writing while using as few facts and as many strong opinions as possible. Dan thinks Calipari will do anything to win, all while Dan will write anything to get attention.

3 comments Paul Daugherty Seems to Dislike the Sport He is Paid to Cover; Also Still Hates Adam Dunn

Some sportswriters seem to hate the sports they cover. Just off the top of my head I can think of guys like Jay Mariotti, Mike Lupica, and Phil Mushnick as three guys who just seem to hate sports, but enjoy the paycheck it provides to them. I think I can add Paul Daugherty to that list when it comes to covering baseball. It's not that he doesn't have a right to complain about the length of baseball games, it is that he treats the playoff games with such disdain as if the length of a playoff game is just one more reason to hate the sport of baseball. Daugherty makes the astute observation that baseball games are too long. Why hasn't anyone else complained about this before? This is totally new information to anyone who likes baseball! Also, as we will later learn, Paul Daugherty still hates Adam Dunn.

The Kansas City Royals aren't a baseball team. They're an unintentional rain delay.

But seriously, folks...

They haven't played an October baseball game in less than three hours, 38 minutes. Four of their six playoff games have consumed at least four hours.

And the games have mostly been exciting too! This only makes it worse though. Don't bore Paul Daugherty with exciting baseball games, just get them over with so he can get back to watching his "Criminal Minds" re-runs. 

Of course, until this year, the Royals hadn't played an October game of any sort since 1985. Maybe they're just taking it all in. 

Or maybe they had played four extra inning games when Paul Daugherty wrote this column. Pretty much any time a sporting event goes to extra time then that sporting event will last longer than it normally does. The Panthers-Bengals game that ended in a tie started at 1pm EST and ended around 5:00pm EST. That's a pretty long football game.

The Baltimore Orioles ought to be dog-tired. Maybe even as tired as baseball fans who've watched them play four hours, 37 minutes and four hours, 17 minutes in their last two games. 

Baseball games can be long, especially ones that goes into extra innings, and especially playoff games. Feel free to not watch them. 

Watching a manager think. What fun.  

Maybe you should go find another job that doesn't involve watching sports and watching a manager think. I can tell you the only thing worse than watching a manager think is hearing a sportswriter who makes his money from watching a manager think bitch about watching a manager think.  

In New York, Major League Baseball has appointed a committee to study why baseball games now take longer than trips to the moon.

Hey Paul, it's 2014. Trips to the moon don't happen anymore, so you may want to find a better comparison to how long baseball games last. Perhaps they last longer than my patience for dealing with your crotchety complaining about the time of baseball games. That's not a high threshold to clear though.

Committee members will spend lots of time walking around the room, adjusting their neckties, testing the wax buildup on the conference room floor, uttering practice words, shaking off others' practice words and staring blankly into space.

Of course, members will also have to take a few pitches, too. 

The irony of Paul Daugherty killing time and space in a column that has one basic premise which can be summed up in a paragraph, while complaining about how baseball players kill time while at-bat is delicious to me.

Look at it this way: Baseball is a game to enjoy while you're enjoying something else. A nap, for instance, or the detailed assemblage of a nuclear device.

How many times can Daugherty restate the same point? I guess we'll see. If you don't enjoy the sport of baseball then don't watch it. Few things are worse than hearing a sportswriter who hates the sports he covers bitch about covering that sport.

Theoretically, you could begin watching a postseason tilt at 8, take a break at 9 to hitch-hike across China, get a new lung, floss, carve a pumpkin and read a little Tolstoy and still be back to watch the last couple innings. 

Yes, the playoff baseball games are long, unlike the premise this column is built upon. I will flip channels while watching baseball games if I am at home, but mostly because I hate commercials. A better writer would offer several solutions to speed up the game he hates so much, as opposed to just bitching and moaning about how long the games are. A lesser writer, like a writer that Paul Daugherty seems to be, just complains and suggests an improvement that has already happened. What are suggestions to pick up the pace of the game? If you are bitching and not creating solutions then what's your point? 

What if you're not a fan?

Then I don't watch the whole game. The same thing I do if I am watching any sport and I'm not a fan of either participant in that game. 

What if your rooting interest trends more in the general direction of getting some sleep? 

Then I go the fuck to sleep and don't watch the game. See, there is nothing that says I have to watch an entire baseball game or watch any entire sporting event. It's fun to have control over my life and do what I want. 

I like baseball. I like it a lot. The older I get, the more I like it.

It's pretty clear you don't like baseball. Please don't lie. 

You actively watch the Bengals and Xavier or UC. The Reds? 

Actually, I find baseball to be more of a diversion than other sports because it moves at a slower pace. I can cook dinner, flip channels, do something else while watching it and don't feel like I constantly have to have my brain turned on when watching the game. So while I'm actually watching a baseball game, it's a diversion for me from the other stuff I have to do. Other sports I have to focus on entirely for a long period of time, so it doesn't feel as much like a diversion at times. I recognize I am weird in that way. 

There are nights, lots of them, between April and October when nothing else will do. 

That doesn't mean I'm not doing something else. 

Then do something else. That's the beauty of baseball. You can do something else while watching the game. It certainly sounds like you don't like the sport though. 

If you were a Bengals fan Sunday, can you imagine doing anything else between 1 and 5, when the game finally ended? That was four hours, too, just like a playoff baseball game. Those four hours were different than baseball's four hours.

If the Braves were in the playoffs, I would watch every minute of every playoff game. That's how it works when you love a sport and a team. I can't imagine doing anything different during those hours, unless the game conflicted with another sport, and then a decision has to be made. 

Baseball worries about losing young fans. It should. Kids whose attention spans are dictated by Twitter and Madden 2015 aren't hanging out by the flat screen for four hours for anything that doesn't come with a controller or a means to get on Facebook.

No, but young fans can get on Facebook while watching a baseball game. There's no doubt the game moves slow and improvements to pace of play should be made. Since Paul Daugherty gets paid to watch sports, it seems like a better column idea than simply bitching about pace of play is providing multiple suggestions to improve pace of play. 

And to think: Scoring is down in baseball. Fewer reasons to be excited, and more time not to be. Great job, baseball. 

Baseball writers when talking about PED users: "Steroids are ruining the integrity of the game! These steroid users have no place in baseball and shouldn't be earning money to play baseball. Get them out of the game forever! They are making a mockery of home run and scoring records!" 

Baseball writers when talking about how scoring is down: "Scoring is down! Baseball is losing the kids because no players are hitting home runs! Baseball needs to find a way to help teams score more runs and make the game more exciting like it used to be back in the Steroid Era!" 

More isn't better, unless chocolate is involved. More is just more.

Very deep. This should be inscribed on Paul Daughtery's tombstone when he dies of boredom from watching a baseball game.

Baseball needs to fix this. The logical answer is to shave commercial time, between innings and during the endless pitching changes. That won't happen.

Look, a solution! Not really, but this is about the best Daugherty can do. I think one of the best ways to speed up the pace of play is not give a pitcher warmup tosses when he enters the game, except in cases of injury to a pitcher. The pitcher is warmed up already from being in the bullpen, go out there and throw the baseball. It's a small improvement, but any improvement is an improvement. 

How about expanding the strike zone?

Actually Paul, that has already happened.

Way to make assumptions in lieu of research though. 

Better, how about enforcing it?

"Expand the strike zone, keep the strike zone like it is and just enforce the current strike zone, shrink the strike zone, don't have a strike zone and every pitch should be called a strike." 

Metrics have turned lots of hitters into ball-watching savants. Taking pitches, getting deep into counts, walking.

Obviously the pace of play issue is the fault of stat heads. Who else could be responsible? The same group who is constantly told, "What happens on the field matters, not your statistics! You can't measure what happens on the field!" are naturally responsible for what is happening on the field due to the use of the same metrics that can't measure or affect what happens on the field.

All have conspired to increase the number of pitches thrown. That by itself wouldn't be so bad, if batters and pitchers would stop preening, pondering and checking with their chiropractors between every pitch.

It's a conspiracy among stat heads to further ruin the game of baseball! Stat heads aren't satisfied with ruining the game by using metrics that suck the enjoyment out of the game, now they are brainwashing baseball players into taking a long time during each at-bat. 

Fattening the zone would make for more swings

The strike zone is already being fattened. 

Fewer walks, perhaps. Fewer strikeouts.

Wait, what? How would a more expanded strike zone result in fewer strikeouts? Wouldn't an expanded strike zone result in more strikeouts since more pitches will be called strikes? I know, I'm not as smart as Paul Daugherty, plus I actually like baseball, so perhaps I am completely incorrect. 

Fewer pitches. Fewer pitchers. Faster games. What we all want. Right?

I don't know if a large strike zone would result in fewer pitchers. But again, data shows (yes, data, so I understand that Daugherty may think this information is part of the conspiracy to ruin baseball) that the strike zone is expanding. 

Meantime, mainline that Monster, ballfan. Rev up the Rockstar. The playoffs are on. See you in four hours.

It's okay to just admit you don't like one of the sports you cover. Playoff games take forever and the games should be sped up, but there's no sense in complaining about it if you are only going to suggest an "improvement" that is already happening and hasn't sped games up.

It's well-known that Paul Daugherty isn't a fan of Adam Dunn. So of course he couldn't allow Dunn to retire without getting a few more shots at him in.

ADAM DUNN IS A GREAT GUY AND WAS A TERRIFIC PLAYER. . . I wasn't going to hold forth on this topic. Guy's retired, hasn't played here in years. Let it go, Doc.

But this is something that just can't be "let go." Something has to be said about Adam Dunn and how he seems like a great guy, but is really ruining baseball.

Then I read this latest God-ding up of the B.D., in Sports Illustrated, in reference to Dunn's prodigious ability to K:

And Daugherty KNEW something had to be done. No one can write anything positive about Adam Dunn without the real truth being stated. Someone had to be brave enough to take shots at Dunn after he has retired.

"Each time he swung and missed on strike three was agonizing for him, and he did everything he could to drag himself out there the next at-bat, hoping for better results.''

Oh, please.

Yeah, Adam Dunn didn't care. How dare anyone suggest otherwise!

Man played 14 years. Struck out at least 159 times in 12 of 'em. Never changed his approach. Never shortened his stroke. Never tried. He was just up there, agonizing and hoping.

His approach worked pretty well for him. He hit home runs, he got on-base, and struck out a lot. Dunn was paid to hit home runs and get on-base, so shortening his stroke to avoid strikeouts didn't seem like the best of ideas.

Had a natural ability to hit a baseball 400 feet. Never worked at doing anything else. Too busy reading car magazines. 

What else was Dunn supposed to work at doing? Was he supposed to learn to woodworking or some other skill? The things Dunn was bad at, defense and having speed aren't really things that he could have worked too hard at improving. He's not an agile guy, so he isn't going to magically become a faster runner and better outfielder, and I'm sure he worked at becoming a better fielder...just not to Paul Daugherty's satisfaction.

 The numbers crowd has tried to make the argument that there's nothing egregious about striking out. These are some of the same people who get all tingly upon hearing the phrase "on-base percentage.'' 

Probably because the way baseball teams can score runs is by getting men on-base. A double down the line can't score a run unless there is a runner on-base. So it's nice to have players who get on-base at a fairly high clip.

No sale. Put the ball in play, give yourself and your team a chance. 

There is something to be said for putting the ball in play as well, but when a player like Adam Dunn is at-bat and he is someone with poor speed then putting the ball in play can also result in more outs because he doesn't have the speed to leg-out infield singles. I love players who put the ball in play, but a guy like Adam Dunn doesn't need to just get the ball in play so he can run to first base. He is relied on to drive in runs, get on-base, and hit home runs.

I'm not sure why everyone else was so enamored with Dunn. He was self deprecating, sure. Rip yourself first, so no one else feels the need. But he never wanted to be anything more than what he was. I like athletes who get the most from their ability. Or more. 

Who is to say that Adam Dunn didn't get the most from his ability? Changing his approach at the plate could easily have cut down on strikeouts, but also cut down on home runs and walks. Is playing the game of baseball the way Paul Daugherty wants Dunn to play the game "getting the most of his ability" or simply reducing one strength of Dunn's game to improve a weakness in Dunn's game?

Have a good one, BD. I'm sure you will. You're free from the BS game that made you very, very rich.

I feel so much better now.

You should feel better. Finally, Adam Dunn is being treated like the real asshole he is and no positive words spoken about Dunn's career are written without the proper retort.

In this article, which was written three hours prior to Daugherty writing the above article about baseball's pace of play issues, Daugherty basically wrote the entire previous column on how playoff games are too slow in a single paragraph:

MORE ISNT BETTER. MORE IS JUST MORE. The cool thing about the MLB postseason, I guess, is that you can start watching a game at 8, take a break at 9 to hitch-hike cross-country, design a nuclear device, floss, carve a pumpkin and read a little Tolstoy and still be back to watch the last couple innings.

He uses the same jokes in this column he will later use in his column written three hours later. To be fair, it seems using the same jokes is Paul "getting the most out of his ability" to write.

14 comments Rick Reilly Continues to Flaunt the Fact He Doesn't Care if He Writes Crap, He Gets Paid Regardless

Rick Reilly's contract is up at ESPN in 2013 (I believe). If he was an athlete then his contract would be comparable to the contract Mike Hampton was given by the Rockies. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but a lack of production and ability to live up to the contract has made it an albatross. At least I am not comparing Reilly's contract to Denny Neagle's Rockies contract, since Neagle had a lack of production plus a dalliance with prostitutes that caused him to not be worth the amount he was given. You can't convince me ESPN believes Rick Reilly is worth the money he is paid. There is really format other than in writing they can effectively use him, because he has no real skills outside of 750 word essays. He can't be an analyst and he only uses sports as a sidebar to the syrupy and half-assed junk he likes to write. So if there isn't a syrupy story to be told, Rick seems to have little use. It appears to me that Rick has been flaunting the fact he just doesn't care what he writes anymore. He's getting paid regardless and has enough money to where he doesn't have to write again after 2013.

Today Rick is complaining about the pace of baseball games, which up until now absolutely no one has had the audacity to discuss in a public forum. This topic is certainly not talked out nor has it been shown baseball games last a shorter amount of time than football games tend to last. So Rick is (not) breaking new ground with his complaint about baseball's pace of play. Basically, Rick hates baseball and blames that reason on the slow pace of games. I'm waiting for the day Rick writes a column where he talks about all the expensive things he can afford with the millions ESPN has given him and then tells us he works on average 5-10 hours per week to make this amount of money. I'm sure this column is coming soon.

Things that nobody reads in America today:

Rick Reilly columns?

Kate Upton's resume.

Because she is attractive no one checks her resume! Otherwise, a model needs to have her resume updated before applying for a modeling job...which we all know models apply for a job by bringing in their resume, so this non-funny joke also makes complete sense.

Major League Baseball's "Pace of Play Procedures."

Yes, baseball moves slow. I think the game could speed up in some ways and my life wouldn't be changed dramatically for the worse. Still, if you like baseball the pace probably doesn't annoy you on a nightly basis. NFL games last three hours long and the late games have now been bumped back another 10 minutes. NFL games tend to be longer than MLB games, yet the NFL is the more popular than MLB. So MLB games have a slow pace, but they on average take a shorter amount of time to complete than do NFL games. Maybe popularity of sports isn't directly tied to the pace of the game being played.

It's clear no MLB player or umpire has ever read the procedures, or else how do you explain what I witnessed Sunday, when I sat down to do something really stupid -- watch an entire televised MLB game without the aid of a DVR?

Rick watched one MLB game and has come to the conclusion the games are too long. It's clear Rick doesn't enjoy or watch baseball, so perhaps his opinion is somewhat biased. I'm going to watch one lacrosse match and immediately deduce that lacrosse is the most boring sport in the history of sports and then tell everyone all the major issues that lacrosse currently has...because my inability to enjoy the sport as a whole in no way would affect my analysis of what I consider to be the major issues that sport faces.

Like a Swedish movie, it might have been decent if somebody had cut 90 minutes out of it. I'd rather have watched eyebrows grow. And I should have known better.

Rick Reilly is somewhat renowned for stealing or nearly complete reproducing his old columns and now he is writing an "original" column and linking a previous column where he talked about the exact same subject he discusses in his current column. At this point, he is flaunting the fact he steals or reproduces his old material right in our faces. He's saying, "I'm getting paid to rewrite my old columns and there's nothing you can do about it nor does my employer care to do anything about it."

If I were a writer like Rick Reilly and I was essentially rewriting old columns I wouldn't even have the guts to link the original column in my re-write. Rick Reilly must be more of a man than I am.

Consider: There were 280 pitches thrown and, after 170 of them, the hitter got out of the batter's box and did … absolutely nothing.

Really? If the pace of the game were picked up, then after 170 pitches the batter would get out of the batter's box and do absolutely nothing...just at a brisker pace, perhaps shaving 4-5 seconds per at-bat off the time of the game.

Mostly, hitters delayed the proceedings to kick imaginary dirt off their cleats, meditate, and un-Velcro and re-Velcro their batting gloves,

That does count as "doing something," you know. It may not please Rick, and he may think the players need to hurry up, but this is "doing something" out of the batter's box.

Buster Posey of the Giants, The Man Who Wrecked Your Dinner Reservations,

Then go to the restaurant to meet your dinner reservation time (because God knows we wouldn't want to miss dinner reservations for a regular season baseball game) and follow the score of the game on your iPhone or whatever mobile device you choose to use. Problem solved and crisis averted.

What exactly was he doing in the on-deck circle? His cuticles?

He was devising a plan to ruin your dinner reservations.

I knew I was in trouble in the first inning when the Reds' Brandon Phillips stepped up. My notes on his five-pitch at-bat:

Strike: steps out, examines the trademark of his bat at length.

Ball: steps out, grabs barrel of bat, seems to be talking to it.

Ball: steps out, takes three practice swings, taps corner of batter's box, steps one foot in, taps plate, places other foot in, stretches, fiddles, finally looks at pitcher, calls timeout! Does it all again.

I get frustrated with how pitchers take forever between pitches and wish the umpire would just tell the pitcher to go ahead and pitch if the batter chooses not to enter the batter's box in a timely fashion. It's not going to happen. So fans of baseball can either DVR or TiVo the game and then watch it on fast forward or just deal with it. I deal with it because I don't see the pace of the game being a huge issue for the sport of baseball. Rick Reilly sees the pace of the game as being a huge issue for baseball because he doesn't really like baseball in the first place.

In the NFL, there are usually at least 25-30 seconds between each play. The sport has a faster pace, but a game still takes three hours to complete. So I have come to the conclusion those people, like Rick Reilly, who can't stand the pace of baseball simply don't like the game of baseball. Considering Rick makes it clear he rarely watches baseball, perhaps his opinion of the game's pace is biased by his dislike for the game overall.

By the way, the average number of seconds per pitch this game: 31.34. Thirty-one seconds per pitch? This is not a misprint. Do you realize people can solve an entire Rubik's Cube in 22 seconds?

And Rick Pitino can impregnate a woman in 7-10 seconds! Rimshot!

All of this, of course, is in direct violation of MLB's "Pace of Play Procedures" (hah!), which state: "Umpires will not grant time for batters to step out of the box if to do so would unnecessarily delay the game."

Of course if the umpires did enforce this rule Rick Reilly would have to think of something else concerning the game of baseball to complain about in order to explain why he doesn't like the sport.

Unnecessarily delay the game? The only delay these hitters knew was unnecessary. And when they weren't doing that, the pitchers were lollygagging behind the mound, re-rubbing pre-rubbed baseballs or gazing up to identify cloud animals.

How about you just don't watch baseball if you don't enjoy the game? The game has a slow pace and a lot of people don't mind this. Why does the game have to have a fast pace simply because Rick Reilly prefers a fast pace? Some people prefer the slower pace of a baseball game.

Perhaps Rick should focus on writing his typical column. I'm sure there is a dog with cancer or a little boy who always had a dream that just won't come true somewhere out there which Rick Reilly can Hallmark Channel-up in order to get a column full of forced emotions and manipulative overly-sappy writing that will serve as a substitute for actual, quality sports journalism. If you make people feel sad, that's great writing isn't it?

New rule: Umpires who don't order batters back into the box within 12 seconds -- because the rules state that a pitcher must throw the ball within 12 seconds of receiving it -- will get the room at the hotel next to the newlyweds.

Newer rule: Umpires who don't order batters back into the box within 12 seconds--will have to listen to Rick Reilly tell jokes for two hours AND will be forced to read all of Rick's books cover-to-cover twice a day for a week.

Whoo-eee! That's rich. These guys wandered away from the box like 2-year-olds at a petting zoo. Six times they left the dirt circle around the plate altogether. Left the entire circle!

BUT DID THEY LEAVE THE ENTIRE CIRCLE??? THAT WASN'T CLEAR TO ME IN WHAT YOU SAID!

And by the way, this nonsense about there's only a 2-minute, 10-second TV break between half innings? Bullfeathers. Only once did the break between half innings take 2:10 or less. The rest of the time, it was miles over. The break before the top of the fifth was 4 minutes, 12 seconds! Where did everybody go? Out to feed their meters?

"And what's up with this seventh-inning stretch thing? You can stand up anytime you want during a game. Why does there need to be a specific inning everyone in the crowd stretches? And what's with singing 'Take Me Out to the Ballgame?' You are at the ballgame and by the time you sing the song it is too late to buy peanuts or cracker jacks at some vendor stands. Shouldn't you sing that song at the beginning of the game or on the way to the game? Don't even get me started on the bullpen. I looked the entire game and couldn't see one bull the entire game. Why don't they call it a 'human pen?'"

There were more ways to waste time in this game than in a month of teamsters meetings.

Unions are full of lazy people! No wonder baseball has a union!

New rule: Pitchers get two pickoff attempts per runner. For every one after that, the umpire adds a ball to the hitter's count.

I would agree the number of pickoff attempts per runner could be three per batter and that wouldn't hurt my feelings. I realize this isn't a popular rule nor should it necessarily be put in place. I think it is a great idea, but others probably don't share my opinion.

Four times the hitter, after going through his Art Carney routine,

Even Bill Simmons thinks this pop culture reference is too dated.

Five times the catcher called time out to go out to the mound to discuss, what? ObamaCare?

A timely joke that is also hilarious! Rick Reilly columns have everything you look for as long as you aren't looking for originality, the use of humor, insight, creativity, nuance, anything interesting related to sports, in-depth analysis of sports, or one more reason to read ESPN.com.

Four times the pitching coach wanted time. That's 15 timeouts in a game that didn't even have a clock. Can you imagine if Tom Brady could call a timeout anytime he wanted? You'd be in Foxborough long enough to vote.

Tom Brady can call timeout any time he wants. The correct question Rick should pose is "Can you imagine if Tom Brady could call as many timeouts as he wants?" I nitpick because I don't care.

And explain to me why a reliever who's been warming up in the bullpen for five minutes still needs eight pitches to warm up on the mound.

Because he is throwing to a different catcher? Because he is throwing on the playing field pitching mound and not the bullpen mound? Because the catcher probably wants to know which pitches are working well that evening? Because a reliever will often not throw his absolute hardest in the bullpen for the full five minutes, so warming up in the bullpen may not accurately simulate what his pitches are moving like that evening?

Do field goal kickers get eight practice kicks?

Yes, a kicker does get eight practice kicks prior to the game on the same goal posts he will be kicking through during the game. A reliever doesn't get to warm up prior to the game by throwing to the exact same catcher he will be throwing to during the game. I'm sure there are more differences, but this comparison annoys me so much I'm having trouble thinking clearly.

Like tennis grunts, all this crud is just a lot of bad habits that only serve to annoy the very people MLB is supposedly trying to captivate -- the fans. It doesn't sell more TV ads, doesn't get the game done before the kids have to go to bed, doesn't do anything but make your thumb hit the CHNL UP button sooner.

Attendance at baseball games is going up and the sport isn't in popularity decline. So those people who love baseball don't seem too annoyed by the pace of the game. It's clear Rick just doesn't like baseball, so why would MLB do anything to appease him?

This game was mercifully won by the Giants, 4-3, on their last at-bat,

The Giants won the game on their last at-bat? BORING!

when Reds right fielder Jay Bruce botched an easy fly ball.

Three hours and 14 minutes, 170 step-outs, and three double-shot macchiatos for that?

I can understand Rick's frustration. I have read his columns for a while now and it is clear he hasn't had to put more than two hours of work into writing very many of them. To spend three hours watching a sport he hates, well that's just too much work for him to do in one day. Plus, how can he create a sappy, emotionally manipulative narrative from a game which ended on a botched fly ball?

Please, I beg of you, bring on the NFL.

The same NFL that just moved the late games back 10 minutes to 4:25pm? The same NFL which in 2009 had games that were on average longer than MLB games? I would imagine that data hasn't changed drastically over the last three years either. Because Rick Reilly doesn't do any research he fails to understand this, he craves the pace of play of NFL games over MLB games even though NFL games last longer on average.

It's kind of hard to take Rick seriously when he complains MLB games are too long, but doesn't seem bothered by NFL games that last longer than MLB games. Maybe Rick just doesn't like baseball. That's fine, baseball probably doesn't like him either.

6 comments MMQB Review: Tour de Manning Edition

As Peyton Manning jet sets around the United States in search of which team best fits him, all while suspiciously not throwing a football to remove the one big question about him (his health), Peter King appears to have had his mind blown by it all. He is using all caps to describe Manning's status as a free agent and I'm just surprised he hasn't tried to say the Patriots should sign Manning, since that seems to be the place Peter usually likes to suggest free agents go (check it out in Peter's February/March MMQB's, every summer he ties a big-ish name free agent to the Patriots. It's a tradition). Peter seems all disoriented about Manning's free agency and this doesn't even include the Redskins-like trade Washington made for Robert Griffin III. Peter's mind is officially blown.

Caught your breath yet?

(Bengoodfella looks up from his bracket) I am exhausted after the revealing of the NCAA Tournament brackets Sunday night. This NCAA Tournament is such a whirlwind.

And I think the weirdest part of the weekend came shortly after I heard about the Rams-Redskins trade,

What happened Peter? Did you stare at a person who was on the Acela for an entire two hours and NEVER LOOKED UP FROM HIS PHONE ONCE? How weird is that? The entire time Peter is staring at that person, this person is minding his own business. What a wacky world we live in!

If you heard an NFL team traded three first round picks and a second round pick to essentially move up four spots in the draft, what would you call this move? I would call it "Redskinsian." Because the world is just and all is currently right in the world, the Redskins were the team to move up four spots by trading three first round picks and a second round pick.

which was about six hours after the news broke Friday night that Peyton Manning was headed to town Saturday on his free-agency tour.

But he's not throwing the football, dammit. Whine him, dine him, but don't expect him to prove he is completely healthy.

I pulled over to the side of a road to talk to an NFL team's executive about the trade and was taking a couple of notes when I got a call-waiting signal. "Jets just announced a contract extension with Sanchez,'' someone told me.

The extension isn't quite as bad financially as it initially seems, Manning probably wasn't going to play for the Jets and we have to admire the Jets for sticking with "their guy." Would I sign Sanchez to an extension? Probably not. I would have gone into the 2012 season with Sanchez as my starter, but probably not given him an extension. As bad as this extension sounded at the time, I think it is fairly reasonable financially.

This has to have been the most eventful non-draft offseason weekend in recent NFL history.

This will be true until one weekend next offseason, which Peter will then call the most eventful non-draft offseason weekend in NFL history.

Manning touring America AS AN UNRESTRICTED FREE AGENT, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD,

Apparently Peter has voice immodulation that CAUSES HIM TO SPEAK IN A VERY LOUD VOICE AT ALL TIMES.

"I still am trying to get my brain around the thought that one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time is a street free agent -- and was in our building talking about playing for our team,'' said one official of a team in the running this weekend.

Wasn't Peyton Manning in Arizona and Denver this weekend? So this comment came from an official in either Denver or Arizona's building. I find it odd Peter is vague as to which team this official worked for. It's pretty obvious, right? There's a 50% chance of being correct.

A book written by Boston writer and talk-show host Michael Holley is at least partially the reason, with an assist from the Carmelo Anthony trade.

That's Carmelo's first assist all year! Oh, rim shot! Knicks suck and Carmelo Anthony is selfish.

More about that later. The Patriots got three ones for Jim Plunkett in 1976, and the Rams got three ones for Eric Dickerson in 1987, but for a pick? File not found.

Peter's CPU has crashed...rebooting.

The Jets added three reasonably priced seasons to his contract in 2014 through 2016 in exchange for guaranteeing his money this year and next, and adding $2.75 million to it. If you assume he's not getting cut in either of the next two years, GM Mike Tannenbaum did a smart thing, because he lowered Sanchez's cap number in the process -- $6.4 million of it, according to Profootballtalk.com.

You can forgive many people for thinking the extension was a bad idea. The words "Mark Sanchez has signed an extension" goes along with "Team X has signed Gilbert Arenas" as words that can horrify a team's fan base.

The Colts cut half their roster.

Probably not a bad move, especially after the team's performance last year.

Andrew Luck has to be thinking, "What am I walking into?

Hopefully a team that is much better than the 2011 Colts team ended up being. Cutting expensive veterans and other players who didn't help the Colts win games is a good first step in my opinion.

Opening weekend 2012 is exactly six months away. But isn't this action more non-stop than the regular season?

No, it actually isn't more non-stop. Peter just has time to cover these individual events more thoroughly when there aren't 14-16 games being played. So it just seems like it is more eventful.

So now Manning is back at his Miami Beach apartment, by all indications, full of information and who knows what else from his time with the Broncos and Cardinals.

He knows it's an easier path to the Super Bowl in the AFC than the NFC. He knows the AFC West is a division there to be had.

I want the Raiders to sign Peyton Manning. I'm not sure why, but this would please me greatly. It will never happen of course.

I am surprised he views Denver clearly better than the Chiefs, which apparently he does. Kansas City has better backs, if Jamaal Charles returns whole this year, and comparable if not better receivers.

The Broncos will have a better defense than the Chiefs in 2012 (at least that's my opinion) and the Broncos not only made the playoffs last year with a glorified running back playing the quarterback position, but they won a playoff game. Plus, John Fox is a much better coach than Romeo Crennel. So I see Denver as a team going up and the Chiefs may be going up, just at a slower pace. So I can see how Manning would view the Broncos as the better situation.

The Chiefs had a better defense last year, by three points and 24 yards allowed per game.

I still think the Broncos defense is better and will be better during the 2012 season.

John Fox is a good coach, and Mike McCoy a good coordinator, for Manning because they'll allow him to hold sway over much of the offense ...

After enduring a season of running a Tebow-centric offense, Mike McCoy and John Fox would probably let any competent quarterback hold sway over much of the offense at this point.

Manning has to take a leap of faith with Fox, hoping he can fix the defense, which allowed 40 points or more five times in 18 games last season ... And then there's the matter of the weather. Manning played half of every pro season in a dome. Denver has one dome game next year, at Atlanta ...

I understand Manning wants to play in a dome, but I tend to lose 10% respect for him if playing in a dome has very much to do with his decision on where to play next year. Come on, you are Peyton Manning. You should be able to play 10+ games a year on grass. I understand he is 36 years old, but he can play on grass for 10+ games.

Cards have a formidable foe in the division in San Francisco to see twice a year. but split with the Niners last year. San Francisco is a better team than any Denver would have to beat in the AFC West.

So Peyton Manning wants to play in a division with as little competition as possible and play in a dome. I understand Manning wants to win a Super Bowl and may not want to join a team in an incredibly tough division, but he is supposed to be one of the best quarterbacks of all-time. Let's challenge ourselves just a little bit. Go to the team that has the best situation for you as a quarterback and don't try to chase a Super Bowl by trying to guess which division will be the easiest to win.

Miami? Time is short for Manning. Not sure he wants to have to try to hop over the Patriots and Jets;

It's a good thing he won't EVER have to play the Jets or Patriots in the playoffs then.

Now about Manning's physical condition. He didn't take his agent, Tom Condon, with him on his weekend trips. He wanted the trip to be all football,

Just without any actual football being played nor a football being thrown.

Manning will likely make it easy on a team and not demand the kind of huge $28 million option bonus he had on the table when the Colts cut him last week.

How charitable of him.

But his new team will have to trust the medical reports from Manning's doctors that say, despite having four neck procedures in two years, he should be fit enough to play in 2012.

I feel like Manning should throw the ball a little bit for a team before they invest money in him. I know if I was a team's owner, I would want to see Manning throw a little bit before extending a contract to him.

Said Ismail, "When I was there, he told me, 'Hey, I'm just a gym rat. This is what I'm about. I love the game.' He wants to squeeze out every ounce of talent he has and pour it into the art of quarterbacking, being the absolute best quarterback who has ever played."

"But I would also like to play in a non-competitive division, have full control over the offense and play in a dome my entire career."

Another factor is Manning will play hurt. And has.

He will again, if his physical condition calls for it. That and the throw to Ismail are two good reasons why I'd pull out all the stops to sign Manning if my team medics tell me he's healthy enough to play.

I think Peter is missing the point. I don't doubt Manning's toughness or ability to play hurt, but what happens if he CAN'T play? Like what if his neck hurts to where he can not throw the football and be the leader of a productive team? A team shouldn't have Manning throw the football to experience his willingness to play injured, but should have him throw the ball to make sure he is healthy and is physically capable of playing at a high level.

The Griffin Deal I: The biggest deal for a pick -- we think -- ever.

And let's compare this trade to two other very big ones of recent years: the Saints' trade of eight draft choices to Washington so they could draft Ricky Williams in 1999, and the Giants' move with San Diego to pick Eli Manning in the 2004 draft.

The reason I think this Washington deal is better than either of the others is it gives the Rams one top-10 pick and, overall, four picks in the top 40.

Maybe I am over-emphasizing this, but this trade is also a better deal because the Redskins gave up four picks in the Top 40 to move up four spots in the draft. I know they wanted Robert Griffin very badly, but that's a huge price for moving up four spots. I'm not saying they should not have done it, only time will tell the answer to that, but if the Rams draft well they have just helped to make their team competitive in the NFC West this year and possibly in the future. It's a win-now move by the Redskins when I'm not sure they are ready to win-now.

According to one of the teams involved, Washington made an offer beyond what St. Louis ever thought it'd get -- three first-round picks and a second-rounder.

Ladies and gentlemen, Daniel Snyder and Mike Shanahan! This is what happens when an expert negotiators and an offensive genius work together.

Think of the quarterbacks Mike Shanahan has coached over the last 20 years. He was Steve Young's offensive coordinator 17 years ago when Young threw a Super Bowl-record six touchdown passes.

All because of Mike Shanahan, who has an MBA in brilliance and a Doctorate in genius. If there is one thing Mike Shanahan knows how to do, it is ride the coattails of a Hall of Fame quarterback.

Then Jay Cutler came in, and he could run passably, he could drop back and throw downfield with the best in the game, and he had great confidence. Had Shanahan stayed, he was sure he could win a championship with Cutler, but who knows?

I do. I think I know. Mike Shanahan would not have won a championship with Cutler, just like he didn't win a championship with Griese or Plummer, his two other hand-picked franchise quarterbacks. I'm not saying Shanahan isn't good at developing quarterbacks, but his reputation exceeds his actual output of quality quarterbacks, at least in my opinion.

He feels his offense can contract and expand depending on the talents of the man under center. Or in the shotgun.

As long as he has a Hall of Fame quarterback, Mike Shanahan is comfortable with whatever offense is being run.

So now Shanahan will have Griffin to work with...Young's more accurate (not many quarterbacks ever have been more accurate), but Griffin's deep arm, and the accuracy of it, are certainly better than Young's, and may rival Elway's. We'll see.

Seriously? Robert Griffin has taken zero snaps in the NFL and we have already determined his deep arm accuracy surpasses that of one Hall of Fame quarterback and may be as good as another Hall of Fame quarterback's deep arm? Shouldn't it matter that he hasn't taken an NFL snap yet before we start saying shit like this?

Now about the volume Washington traded for Griffin. And the volume that Cleveland didn't. You get the feeling Shanahan and GM Bruce Allen looked at their quarterback situation, wretched, and did what they had to do to get one of the best quarterbacks to come out of the draft in a while.

Griffin is the best quarterback to come out of the NFL Draft since the quarterback drafted before Griffin (Luck) in 2012 and he is the best since the 2011 NFL Draft (Newton/Dalton). So Griffin is at the most the best quarterback to come out of the draft since last year's draft. I'm not sure if one year counts as "a while."

It's hard to kill GM Tom Heckert, but the only thing that matters is whether you get the trade done or you don't. Cleveland didn't. The Browns might be proven right in the long run, but for now, their fans feel like they'll never get a franchise quarterback ... and may not even get a Brian Sipe.

(This is an obscure reference Ben doesn't get, so he moves on)

Playing well, and winning, and being a go-to guy for teammates in the locker room, and lifting your team ... those are the things that reinforce leadership. Not a contract. I just hope for Sanchez's sake he doesn't really feel the size of his paychecks means a thing when it comes to big moments in late-season games.

Look, Sanchez doesn't care how much he gets paid. He just wants to win games. Sanchez doesn't even need the paycheck since modeling pays so well for him. So the paycheck means nothing to Sanchez, he can do his best Blue Steel and make $10,000 per day modeling.

Sanchez just wants to win games, bang as many hot chicks as possible, go to the beach every other weekend and have a 78% grasp of the Jets offense. Is that too much to ask? Money is no problem for him. He just needs to make enough to where football can support him as he explores other ventures.

"He is the man I want, period. I want Mr. Manning with the Titans, and I will be disappointed if it doesn't happen.''

-- Tennessee owner Bud Adams, to Jim Wyatt of The Tennessean on Sunday.

Jake Locker, remember him? First round draft pick, played pretty well last year. Gritty, like Favre? No, the Titans want Manning so they can sit Locker for another 2-3 years? Great, sounds good.

Factoid of the Week That May Interest Only Me

Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band played the storied Apollo Theater in Manhattan Friday night, with Tom Coughlin in attendance.

This is literally the worst factoid of the week in the history of factoids of the week. It conveys no useful or important information to the reader, nor is the knowledge gained from this factoid useful or contain interesting information in and of itself.

I had a terrific time in Arizona over the weekend, watching three ballgames at three fairly new ballparks -- Goodyear Ballpark (home of the Reds and Indians) in Goodyear, 25 minutes west of Phoenix; Camelback Ranch (home of the White Sox and Dodgers) in Glendale, not far from the Cardinals stadium; and Salt River Fields at Talking Stick (home of the Diamondbacks and Rockies), about a half-hour northeast of downtown.

Peter's takeaway from these games?

The tickets seemed like cover charges for the food and drink.

Of course they did.

"I give Peyton a ton of credit. Only meeting with teams he's legitimately interested in. Not playing leverage game w/others. Moving quickly.''

-- @BobGlauber, the prescient Newsday football writer, Sunday night as Manning flew to his offseason home in Miami.

Seriously? Manning has been on the market for about a week and he has visited a few teams. How do we know he is legitimately interested in these teams and is moving quickly? Do we know for sure he isn't trying to drive his price up by exaggerating other teams' interest in him? He hasn't made a decision yet and only has had to make a decision for less than a week. Of course it is moving quickly, because at this point it just started.

I'm not going to be critical of Manning, especially after the Favre "retire or not to retire" decisions over the past few years. I'm not going to be complimentary at this point either though since I don't know if he is legitimately interested in these teams or not.

1. I think I have no idea what it means when New Orleans quarterback and union executive board member Drew Brees, in a statement about the Saints' bounty program the NFL says took place, says: "I did not participate in any bounty program, nor did I have any knowledge relating to its real existence.''

I will say what I believe league investigators are thinking, regardless of the definition of "real'' here: that every player on that Super Bowl team, and the coach and general manager, knew something of what was going on in the defensive team meetings on Saturday nights.

Not Drew Brees! He had no idea and is appalled his defensive teammates could have a bounty program and him have absolutely no knowledge of it. It stretches reality to believe the Saints could do this, but Brees had no knowledge of this bounty program, no matter how unrealistic this claim seems to be.

3. I think Josh Morgan is going to make some team very, very happy in free agency -- and I hear the Niners are making a late push to keep him off the market. They should. Before he missed the final 11 games of 2011 with an October ankle fracture, Morgan had a chance to be a star in Jim Harbaugh's offense.

Oh, well if he was going to be a star in Jim Harbaugh's offense then another NFL team should pay him millions to play wide receiver in a system that isn't Jim Harbaugh's offense...because that makes sense and all.

7. I think there's been some confusion on the compensation the Redskins paid the Rams for the second pick in the draft, at least according to the Twitter world. Dozens of you, and some emailers too, have said, Wait a minute. The Redskins didn't trade three first-round picks and a two for Robert Griffin III. They traded two firsts, then swapped positions with this year's first-rounders with the Rams.

This is inaccurate for reasons Peter will explain.

In the NFL today, trading up from six to two in the first round cannot be dismissed as simply "swapping spots" as though it's a minor part of the deal. On the draft trade value chart, which all teams use (though its importance has been lessened because the cost of high picks is so much more affordable now with the new rookie wage scale), the difference between the sixth and second overall picks is 1,000 points, the equivalent of the 16th overall pick in the draft.

So to move up in the NFL Draft, the Redskins traded two first round picks and a second round pick to the #2 overall pick. This move up four spots is equivalent to the 16th overall pick in the draft (based on the draft trade value chart, which I admit has issues). You can see why this was a lot to give up for the #2 overall pick and why Daniel Snyder and Mike Shanahan are complete idiots or just paid greatly for their franchise quarterback, but it will all be worth it. This is the kind of move that gets everyone fired...except for the main idiot behind many of the Redskins ill-advised moves over the last decade, Daniel Snyder.

8. I think I'm glad for Griffin's sake that he is a man who plays well under pressure -- and seems to thrive on it. Washington will be full of that pressure. I'll never forget in 1988, when, while at Newsday, I interviewed for a job covering the Redskins for the Washington Post.Before I left, I got to spend a few minutes with the esteemed executive editor of the paper, Ben Bradlee,

"This beat,'' he said to me, "is as important at our paper as the Supreme Court to many people.'' Whoa. I ended up not taking the job, but I'll always remember that.

I am not doubting Redskins fans are still very into their team, especially if this letter is any indication, but Peter's interview did occur during the late 1980's when the Redskins were a great team and probably had a larger following during that time. I am not sure if the Redskins is as important to the Washington Post as the Supreme Court to many people. Maybe it is. Either way, Griffin will have a ton of pressure simply based on how much was given up for the right to draft him.

9. I think, for you Browns fans -- and journalism fans -- here's the latest on former Plain Dealer beat man and columnist Tony Grossi, who was taken off the beat when a tweet critical of owner Randy Lerner was made public: Grossi starts today as a Browns analyst at ESPNCleveland, with web writing and appearances on the local affiliate, WKNR.

Ouch, that's a double whammy right there. First, Grossi gets taken off the Browns beat and then a few weeks later he starts working for ESPN. It's sad to see a good beat writer go down a dark path like this.

When the junior guard was a freshman, he had 23 in OU's 97-83 upset of Georgetown. What could Eisen, Mr. Michigan, and I bet on this game? Tweet me your ideas @SI_PeterKing. You too, Rich.

Here's a good bet. The loser has to run the 40 yard dash. I know we've seen Eisen do it every year at the Combine, but I want to see his time versus Peter King's time.

k. Coffeenerdness: I underrate Illy espresso. Consistently, when I have it at a good coffee shop, as I did with a triple latte Sunday morning in Phoenix, Illy never disappoints. Intense taste. No bitterness.

This coffee's taste is like the opposite of a Brett Favre NFL comeback. Usually disappoints and plenty of bitterness.

m. Great tweet from my buddy Jon Heyman about the 2012 Red Sox:

Jon Heyman doesn't do great Tweets and I don't believe Heyman has friends unless Scott Boras okay's it in advance.

Two things I learned at red sox camp the other day: bobby valentine likes adela, and he really likes alfredo aceves.''

This is a great Tweet? This is somehow less interesting than the factoid that Tom Coughlin went to a Bruce Springsteen concert.

5 comments This Just In: Peter Bourjos Is Fast, Probably Not Great at Baseball

Bill Plaschke wants us to know that Peter Bourjos is fast. This seems to be the only positive characteristic worth describing when it comes to Bourjos from Bill Plaschke's point of view. Plaschke also does his best to frame Pourjos as a baseball Peter Pan of sorts who hasn't quite grown up. He wants us to believe this is an admirable quality. So Bill and his ever-so-slight lisp will now write one sentence paragraphs desperately killing space in an effort to let us know just how fast Peter Bourjos truly is.

In the comments on Monday we were discussing the scrappiest players in the majors now that Lord Scrapstein Von Gritt has retired---I mean, refused to play if he can't start for a team. I submitted Peter Bourjos' name as one of the scrappiest players because he is so fast and he shows the correct amount of grit to performance required. See, a scrappy player can't be too good at baseball or else he isn't considered a scrappy player who gets the most out of his ability. I'm not sure why this is.

How fast is Peter Bourjos?

So fast he just took your sister's virginity and had a sandwich while you read this sentence?

(The sandwich will be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as we will later learn)

In the first at-bat of his life, he singled to center, caught the ball and tagged himself out.

Why Bill, that could never happen! Do explain further! Is this a true story?

True story. It was his T-ball debut, and he was accustomed to chasing down his own hits when playing at the park with his father. So when he knocked the ball into the gap, he sprinted into the outfield, picked it up, and ran it back to the infield.

That's some scrappy shit right there. I like how Plaschke says he "knocked the ball in the gap." This is T-ball. The kids out there are generally 4-8 years old. The entire field is a gap to them.

"I gave the ball to some kid on the other team and he was like, um..." said Bourjos.

"Um...I'm six years old, I don't get the irony of this. Can I go home and watch 'Star Wars' now?"

How fast is Peter Bourjos?

Oh, so we are doing this again huh? This is a one sentence paragraph that is a repeat from a previous one sentence paragraph. I say this just in case anyone thinks Bill Plaschke is an incredibly creative writer.

So fast that this little-known Angels center fielder has pulled up alongside that famous Dodgers center fielder as one of the two most exciting players in Southern California this summer.

This is measured on the Plaschke Excitement Scale 3001. Bill will watch a certain player's best ten plays and scream encouragement as he watches each play with a basin at his feet. At the end of the 10 highlights, whichever basin ends up with the most spittle from Bill slightly lisping and screaming is one of the most exciting players in Southern California. Just in case you were wondering how the two most exciting players in Southern California were determined.

Let's look at Peter Bourjos line as of the All-Star break to see how he and Matt Kemp are the two most exciting players in Southern California:

.272/.323/.397 with 79 strikeouts and 18 walks...but he does have 6 triples. This is one exciting player, especially if you lower your expectations for "an exciting player in Southern California" tremendously.

Here are some other non-exciting Anaheim Angels players...

Jered Weaver 11-4 with a 1.86 ERA, 0.912 WHIP and 199 ERA+
Dan Haren 10-5 with a 2.61 ERA, 0.953 WHIP and a 142 ERA+
Jordan Walden 20 saves with a 2.84 ERA

Despite the fact Weaver is the All-Star Game starter for the American League, he just isn't as exciting as a guy who is superfast and is better suited as a fourth outfielder. That's what Bill wants us to believe.

Actually, Bourjos isn't even the most exciting centerfielder on the Angels team. That would be top prospect Mike Trout. Of course actual performance doesn't matter to Bill Plaschke or else Howie Kendrick or one of the four pitchers on the Angels pitching staff (including Scott Downs) would be exciting players. But no, it is Peter Bourjos because he is fast, while these other players are just good at the game of baseball.

So fast that his game rhymes with the pronunciation of his last name — gorgeous —

His game is not gorgeous. Unless someone finds a lot of beauty in a guy with leadoff hitter ability who manages to strikeout a lot and get on-base at a 32% clip.

He leads the league in highlight video catches. And he surely leads the league in causing a middle-aged columnist's daughters to scream.

So he's like a boy band member who plays baseball. I got it. This is irrelevant to his ability to play baseball. Jeff Francoeur had the ladies screaming for him because of his looks. A few years later in his career, he had both ladies and men screaming at him because he was terrible at the game of baseball.

Bourjos walked off the field, took off his cap and smiled into the crowd with messy black hair and the cherubic face of a 12-year-old who had just left an ice cream truck.

What's the deal with Plaschke writing about how Bourjos plays like a kid, talking about the sex appeal of Bourjos and then comparing Bourjos to a pre-teen with a cherubic face? This concerns me. There are other columnists who do this sort of things as well. Talk about how an athlete "plays the game like a kid."

At some point do some sports columnists develop a fascination with pre-teen boys playing baseball? Is that why Plaschke led off the story about Bourjos playing T-ball? I wonder if he asked for a T-ball team picture from Bourjos? If so, that's some creepy shit. Many players who seem to enjoy playing the game of baseball get compared to a pre-teen child playing the game of baseball, as if this is the highest form of a compliment an athlete can receive. Would Bill Plaschke rather be covering a Little League game rather than an Angels/Dodgers game? If so, why? To stare at the boys and how much fun they are having?

What if I wrote Abby Wambach played the game of soccer like a 12 year old girl? Then I mentioned it in another column how another female athlete played the game like a pre-teen girl and how Wambach had a doll face like a 12 year old girl would. At some point, you would wonder, "Does Ben want to watch a group of pre-teen girls play sports? If so, why?"

Among the thousands standing and cheering were my two daughters who were shrieking, "Who is that?"

I imagine both of Bill Plaschke's daughters don't have goatees nor a ever-so-slight lisp...though I guess I can't guarantee this.

I figured I should eventually get back down to Angel Stadium to find out.

Well naturally. It's not like you could spend this time writing a quality column.

I met Bourjos in an empty dugout Thursday afternoon for an interview that began with him thanking me.

Bourjos probably thanked Plaschke because he couldn't believe merely being fast, tickling Plaschke's pre-teen fetish and having a low OBP could get him such attention.

I explained to him that it is Angel fans who are having fun, especially all those young women who congregate on the field-level seats before the game to cheer Bourjos while he stretches, girls holding up signs such as, "You Have My Dad's Permission To Marry Me!"

How cute!

Just once, I'd like for a baseball player to take a fan up on this offer. I would like to see the player accept the women's proposal and move all of his stuff into her house the next day and then start helping her plan their wedding. The player should just be a general pest around the house and leave all of his clothes and other stuff everywhere and have his friends over after games to make her life pretty much a living Hell. That'll teach her to make random marriage proposals. I think I would pay to see this happen. Maybe then the people who make the cutesy "Marry Me" signs will think twice before bringing into the stadium. Probably not though.

Not really. Bourjos has a chance to one day become one of the symbols of baseball's post-steroid era, a sandlot kid who actually looks and acts like a kid.

I am 17% sure Bill Plaschke has a pre-teen boy fetish. Stop saying he plays like a kid. It's stupid and nonsensical. Also, it really is becoming creepy to me. I know the whole idea behind this thought is kids play the game just for the fun and it is pure and all of that crap. But, Peter Bourjos is a grown man who gets paid to play baseball. Stop comparing him to child for kicks.

I also greatly dislike all of this "symbol of baseball's post-steroid era crap" for players who just try really, really hard. The best symbol of baseball's post-steroid era are the following players:

Albert Pujols
Prince Fielder
Dustin Pedroia
Kevin Youkilis
Ryan Howard
Carl Crawford
Evan Longoria
Ryan Braun
Josh Hamilton
Matt Kemp
Troy Tulowitzki
Andrew McCutchen
Adrian Gonzalez
Brian McCann
Mike Stanton
Jose Bautista
Jay Bruce
Joey Votto
Mark Teixeira
Robinson Cano

These are all batters who hit the baseball really well and haven't been linked to steroids. These are the players who are the model for the post-steroid era. Not Sam Fuld. Not Peter Bourjos. Not any player who seems to try really hard, but players who put up great offensive numbers and haven't been linked to steroids.

How about Howie Kendrick? He plays for the Anaheim Angels. Why isn't he exciting to watch? Why isn't he a model for the post-steroid era?

He is a baseball junkie who literally lives across the street from the Anaheim stadium. His pregame meal includes a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich.

Does he drink milk with his peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I bet he does. Then he has macaroni and cheese as a snack between innings, not just any macaroni and cheese, but the special kids size servings that are in the shape of Toy Story 3 characters or Lightning McQueen. Then he stares at the "Fresh Beat Band" poster in his locker.

Are we sure Peter Bourjos isn't mentally handicapped? The only grown men I know that act like children are either emotionally stunted men or men who have some sort of mental handicap that doesn't allow them to function as an adult in society. Either way, I'm still uncomfortable with Bill Plaschke's (and other sportswriters) fetish that involves celebrating a player who has child-like qualities. It's creepy and if I were Peter Bourjos I would believe it to be a bit demeaning as well.

His destination on a recent day off in Southern California? Where else? Disneyland.

Where else? How about a place adults go...or at least a place adults without children may go? Disneyland is great, but the fact Peter Bourjos goes to Disneyland in his spare time has little to nothing to do with his ability to play baseball nor does it have much to do with how he plays the game of baseball. It does meet Bill Plaschke's need to make Bourjos seem like a child though.

Since his recall to the major leagues last August, it is the Angels who have been thankful, for an energy and athleticism reminiscent of past Angels center fielders Gary Pettis and Devon White.

I think I know what will make the Angels even more thankful. The fact Mike Trout has now been called up to the majors and he brings the ability to be very, very good at baseball to the Angels. Not that they need skill on the roster any more than energy of course.

"There have been times where I've been so focused on watching him chase down a ball, I realize I'm not standing in the right place," said first baseman Mark Trumbo, grinning.

One time Trumbo was watching Bourjos chase down a fly ball and realized he was standing in the women's bathroom. Bourjos has that type of ability. Like a child. Like a kid. Like a little kid playing on a swing, his hair waving in the wind, a big smile on his face, his small little hands gripping the swing. It's almost too much for Bill Plaschke to handle.

It's not always good, as Bourjos left the field with an apparent hamstring injury Thursday after an eighth-inning RBI double against the Seattle Mariners. He hurt himself after stopping suddenly between second and third base, the right decision also proving to be a painful one, the roaring crowd suddenly silenced.

Shit! Now we have to call up the best minor league player, Mike Trout! What are we going to do if he comes on the roster and only provides home runs and RBI's? We need to teach him to have energy and run really fast so he can learn to be one of the two most exciting players in Los Angeles. What a disaster!

The Angels are hoping the injury isn't serious, because they are serious about chasing a championship with a guy who used to practice wild catches while flying off a diving board into swimming pool.

Wow, that is some super specific criteria for what the Angels are looking for in a player to help them chase a championship. Actually...that's perfect. Because my cousin Tim used to do that off diving boards as well. He loves to practice wild catches off the diving board, so maybe the Angels could give him a tryout to replace Bourjos. He doesn't jump off the diving board and make wild catches like a little kid, which could be a huge drawback in the eyes of the Angels.

The biggest problem in Bourjos' game is the game itself.

Read that again. We have gone 75% of this column with how great Bourjos is for the Angels and how the Angels can't be serious about chasing a championship with him not being healthy. Then it turns out the biggest problem with Bourjos is that he isn't a good baseball player. It's like my biggest weakness when it comes to playing in the NBA is that I am not good enough to play in the NBA. Otherwise, I'm golden.

It requires more than catching and running. It also requires hitting.

But...he plays like a kid. Child-like. Disneyland. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Diving boards. Kid. Child. Fast. Bengoodfella sad.

Entering Thursday, Bourjos had a flailing career on-base percentage of .286 with 119 strikeouts and just 24 walks.

Yet according to Plaschke, the Angels are serious about trying to get a championship with him in the lineup. Yet, it seems his playing everyday with Vernon Wells in the lineup would do nothing but hurt the Angels chances at a championship. So everything Bill has told us so far while fawning over Bourjos seems to be pretty incorrect. Bourjos is fast, but is he really THAT important to the Angels? This is why this is bad journalism. It's like journalistic fluff piece self-pleasure. Plaschke writes and writes, but in the end this is just a fluff piece. It's just a useless piece of writing.

For him to maximize his Angels career, he has to eventually bat leadoff, but those numbers make that impossible.

So Bourjos is a scrapper who doesn't even get the most out of his talent? David Eckstein and Darin Erstad laugh in your face. Faker.

So Bourjos is a fast guy who doesn't get on-base and can't walk enough to hit leadoff, but also doesn't have enough power to hit anywhere in the middle of the order? Sounds like it is a real shame he got injured and the Angels had to call up Mike Trout.

"I know this, and I'm working on it all the time," he said. "Every day, shortening my swing, being more selective, I'll just keep working."

The joy in his voice makes him difficult to doubt.

That's why you don't listen to the joy in his voice and see the results on the field. We can't do that, it may ruin the illusion Plaschke has tried to create.

The serenity in his father's voice confirms it.

Oh dear God. Bourjos may very well improve because he is only 24 years old, but it's just really weird to talk about the joy in Bourjos voice and the serenity in his father's voice. I don't know why, it just is. I wonder if Plaschke has conversations with other sportswriters and talks about a player's child-like qualities...

(Bill Plaschke calling T.J. Simers) "You know T.J., that Peter Bourjos has a cherubic face and the cutest little hands."

(T.J. Simers sitting on Marcus Thames' front lawn) "I don't know much about Bourjos, but (starts yelling in the direction of Thames who is getting in his car) I KNOW MARCUS THAMES SUCKS!"

(Plaschke) "It is just like Bourjos is so fast, like a kid. A little blonde-haired kid that doesn't care about anything, but having fun and playing the game. It's just inspiri---"

(Simers) "HOW'S IT FEEL TO GET CUT THAMES. HUH?---WHAT? TRESPASSING? UP YOURS, I'M NOT TRESPASSING! I'M A JOURNALIST, JACKASS!"

(Plaschke) "Sounds like you are having real trouble T.J. Everything okay?"

(Simers) "Yeah, I just approached Marcus Thames to do an interview and he refused again. All I did was tell him how bad he sucked, what's his problem?"

(Plaschke) "Thames doesn't play like a little boy. I doubt Thames was good at T-ball too. His little feet probably didn't run around the bases with his 6 year old tongue hanging out as he ran---"

(Simers) "Bill, you are scaring me just a---NO FUCK YOU, THAMES! I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF YOUR KIDS ARE AROUND. THEY ARE JUST LITTLE PIECES OF SHIT WHO CAN'T PLAY THE FIELD LIKE YOU! WHY WON'T YOU DO AN INTERVIEW WITH ME?"

(Plaschke) "Kids? There are kids there?" (gets in his car and drives to Marcus Thames house while still talking on the phone with Simers)

(Simers talking to Plaschke en route) "Bill, we have been concerned about you for a while. You talk about children way too much and how grown men play the game like children."

(Plaschke) "But, Bourjos plays the game like a kid and eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, like a child does. It's precious and cute to see a man act like a kid. It makes you want to dress him up like a 10 year old boy and---"

(Simers seeing Plaschke's car pulling up to the Thames house) "Bill, I am calling the police. I can see from here you aren't wearing a shirt. Why not? You talk about players playing like children way too much and it concerns everyone. HEY MRS. THAMES, YOUR HUSBAND CAN'T FIELD A BASEBALL WELL ENOUGH TO PLAY ON A CONSISTENT BASIS! CAN HE FIELD HIS POSITION IN BED? PROBABLY NOT! ONE INTERVIEW IS ALL I WANT. BE FAIR TO ME."

(Plaschke starts crying) "I want to watch men play like kids. It just isn't fair more players don't play like children. I want to go back to junior high school and not get chosen last in softball...just once...so I could have played like I was a child."

(Simers calls the police to pick up Plaschke and follows the Thames family to the grocery store while yelling out the window) "HEY THAMES, JUAN RIVERA REPLACED YOU! ASSHOLE! ONE INTERVIEW IS ALL I ASK AND YOU WON'T DO IT. WHY?"

"The thing that I like most about Pete's game is how he handles failure," said Chris.

I guess once you've gotten used to the failure, it becomes easier to handle. Rim shot!

"To him, every day is a new day, a new challenge, a chance to start over again."

Like a child. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Thus supplying the definition of fast forward.

Umm, no. That's not the definition of fast forward. The definition of fast forward in this context is "a rapidly changing situation or series of events."

This quote is actually supplying an example of a tired cliche. Much like talking about a player and how he "plays the game like a kid" and overstating a player's importance to a team because the fans like him are also tired cliches.