4 comments Bill Simmons Attempts to Get All Sentimental about the Oklahoma City Thunder

Bill Simmons thinks, maybe/perhaps/possibly, Oklahoma City Thunder's championship window is closing. He writes a column about this belief where he uses the word "we" 29 times. Yes, he has written a column about how HE thinks the Thunder's championship window is closing and uses "we" that often. So basically Bill believes that he speaks for everyone and his opinion is our opinion. If the Thunder's championship window does close, Bill will link this column for us, but if the Thunder's championship window doesn't close then "we" were so wrong! That's how it works for Bill. He's right, "we" are wrong. Anyway, here is a shot at analysis (not really) and sentiment in one column. It's not even really about the Thunder's championship window, but is a thinly veiled excuse to talk about the Westbrook/Durant dynamic.

There’s a poignant moment in Jonathan Abrams’s oral history about the 2002 Kings, 

It's the first sentence of the column and Bill is already pimping out a Grantland feature. Granted, a good Grantland feature, but it's the first sentence and he's already using his supposedly-weekly column to push other Grantland features. Bill is quickly becoming the NASCAR driver of writing. His columns feature links to other columns (hence the sponsors in NASCAR) on ESPN or Grantland.

That moment resonated for a simple reason: That WAS their shot. And that WAS it.

The boss wasn’t describing a “shot” as much as a window. If you’re blessed with Michael and Scottie in their mid-twenties, that window should last for a decade, as long as nothing funky happens.

You mean like Michael Jordan retiring for two seasons because his father was killed over his gambling debts or does Bill mean like how the Kings would have made the NBA Finals if it weren't for the lone wolf official (and there were no more, not at all...and I don't believe that at all) who was gambling on NBA games who screwed the Kings over in Game 6 of the 2002 Western Conference Finals? Funny how both the Kings and Bulls windows closed during a period where there were rumors of a conspiracy involving David Stern and his attempts to keep the integrity of the NBA together. I don't miss David Stern.

If you’re teaming up Pierce and Garnett and Allen at the tail end of their primes, you’re publicly hoping for five healthy years and secretly praying for three.

Come on, it's the Boston Sports Guy. Like he wasn't going to mention the Celtics as early as possible in this column. Bill only mentions the Celtics two more times in this column, which is quite the achievement for him. The article is about the Thunder, but it's no secret Bill shoves some Celtics talk down the throats of his readers whenever possible.

Every A-list contender has a built-in window, and almost always, you know what it is. When that window slams shut well before you’re ready, you never really get over it.

Fine, but how do we know a team is an A-list contender? The Bulls were second-fiddle to the Pistons until 1991. The Kings never really were an A-list contender because the Lakers were in their way, right? They never made an NBA Finals and even the Lakers had to share a few titles with the Spurs during Kobe and Shaq's prime.

Will we remember Oklahoma City that way someday? We know that it’s Kevin Durant’s seventh season and his sixth with Russell Westbrook. We know they’re playing for a small-market franchise that actively avoids the luxury tax. We know Durant’s contract expires in 2016, and Westbrook’s deal expires one year later.

We, we, we, we. I don't give care if Bill is reciting facts here, the repeated use of "we" in four sentences would make an English teacher cry or give up out of frustration.

We know Westbrook endured three knee surgeries in the past 12 months. We know that bad luck comes in all shapes and sizes. We know the West is loaded, and we know LeBron is never going away. We know they easily could have blown the Memphis series, and we know the bumbling officials saved their season Tuesday night.

We overrate youth and potential with sports, movies, TV, music, art and even politics — it’s more enjoyable to imagine what something might become. We envision the Thunder overpowering LeBron’s Heat in Durant’s MVP season because that’s the age-old NBA formula, right? 

Bill begins 10 straight sentences with the word "we." 10 straight sentences. I'm not the best writer in the world at all and my sentence structure isn't very good, but Bill has to do better than this. The use of "we" in 10 straight sentences is ridiculously bad writing.

A few thoughts about these "we" sentences:

1. LeBron is going away. Not anytime soon, but he will go away at some point. His window does coincide with the Thunder's window, though I feel like it will be running out in a season or two with Wade getting older.

2. The Lakers had their 2001-2002 season saved by the officials too. This wasn't a sign their dynasty was done, it was just a sign the officials wanted them to win Game 6 to force a Game 7.

3. "We" don't overrate sports, movies, TV, music, art and politics. Bill Simmons overrates sports, movies, TV and music. He has built an entire career on overrating these subjects and tying them into his sports columns. I don't want to hear about how "we" overrate these things. Bill has used them as a writing crutch for 15 years and tied together any sports event with movies, TV or music. Bill needs to find a mirror so he can see who is the one that really overrates these things. As usual, he's happy to take the success caused by tying these subjects to sports, but when it's a bad thing "we" are the ones who overrated these subjects.

Just like we overrate youth and potential, we underrate injury luck, unfortunate breaks, untimely trades, the Disease of More, greed and egos, poor coaching and plain old bad luck.

Stop saying "we"! YOU write these columns. "We" don't write weekly columns for ESPN/Grantland or any other national sports publication/site. Simply because you overrate youth and potential doesn't mean everyone else does also.

The Thunder could definitely topple San Antonio and Miami next month, but they’re just as likely to not win a single title with Durant and Westbrook.

The Thunder may or may not win the NBA Title this year. Step back people, this is expert analysis occurring. This is how Bill got a prime job on "NBA Countdown," by making bold statements like this.

On paper, OKC should evolve into this generation’s version of the 1990s Bulls: Durant as Jordan, Westbrook as Pippen, and Ibaka as Grant/Rodman. It’s a star-driven league with the least amount of playoff variance in any professional sport. When you have a top-two player, a top-eight player and a top-25 player on one team, you should definitely win a ring.

I really feel like arguing Ibaka as a top-25 player but I have bigger fish to fry right now. Or as Bill would say, "We thought Ibaka was a top-25 player but it turns out we were wrong."

Unfortunately, you never know when “The Rains of Castamere” will start playing.

Hey everyone, it's a relevant pop culture reference squeezed awkwardly into the column!

A similar window opened after Game 7 of the 1962 Finals, when the Lakers came within Frank Selvy’s errant 15-footer of upending Bill Russell’s budding dynasty. That Lakers team employed 27-year-old Elgin Baylor and 23-year-old Jerry West, two of the league’s best five players. (Sound familiar?)

No, it doesn't because Westbrook is not one of the NBA's five best players.

Fifteen years later, Bill Walton’s precocious Blazers

These professional athletes displayed traits that belied their years. Sure, they were grown-up adults but trying to win an NBA title is just so child-like. Thanks Peter King.

toppled Philly for the 1977 title, then took a 40-8 record into the ensuing All-Star break looking like Russell’s Celtics reincarnated.

Bill isn't really even comparing apples-to-apples here. Jerry West did win an NBA Title with the Lakers and the Trail Blazers won an NBA Title with the team Bill is referencing here. The idea of this column is the Thunder's championship window may be closed without them winning a title and Bill is giving examples, but so far he's given examples of players/teams who did win a title with the team whose championship window supposedly closed. Now if Bill's contention is the Thunder may not be a dynasty, that's entirely possible, but considering the discussion is about championship windows then any team/player who has won an NBA Title with the team Bill is referencing would not be a good example.

Every generation has its version of the ’62 Lakers and ’77 Blazers, contenders that fooled us into thinking their window would last longer than it did.

I can buy this but the Thunder may not even win one NBA Title according to Bill Simmons. Their window is being eaten up by the existence of the Miami Heat. The 1977 Blazers had won one NBA Title, so there is a difference when using them as an example. Also, I wasn't fooled into thinking these team's window would last longer than it did because I wasn't alive when these teams were alive. When I don't exist as a human in the world, I can't have an opinion on a team's championship window. Don't "us" me.

An alpha-dog battle submarined the Shaq-Penny dynasty in Orlando and, later, a possible seven-title run for Shaq and Kobe in Los Angeles. Derrick Rose, C-Webb and James Silas suffered untimely knee injuries that ruined legitimate title windows for the Bulls, Kings and Spurs. Steve Nash’s critically acclaimed Suns teams kept falling short in increasingly unfair ways.

Basically what Bill is getting at is that luck plays a part in whether a team wins multiple championships. He can dress it up all he wants to over-complicate the situation, but this obvious-type statement is what he's getting at. This isn't a new perspective Bill is offering, even though he's trying to make it new by looking at it from the perspective of the Thunder, which is weird since this column is 20% complete already and he hasn't really discussed them much.

Four unstoppable-at-the-time duos — Hakeem and Ralph, Penny and Shaq, GP and Kemp, and Malone and Stockton — somehow finished with a combined 8-20 Finals record. Can we really say, with any certainty whatsoever, that “Those guys are gonna be chasing championships and competing for years to come”?

I would argue that Payton and Kemp, as well as Malone and Stockton were not considered an unstoppable-at-the-time duo due to the existence of Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls. They were the unstoppable team. But Bill is going to twist facts/opinions the way he wants them to go to fit his needs.

And "we" aren't saying the Thunder will chase championships for years to come.

You’re more likely to bemoan the opportunities that slipped away. 

Oh I am more likely to bemoan the opportunities that slipped away? I didn't know that about myself. Thanks for telling me about myself because you don't know me and all. 

My father and I talk about the Celtics blowing the 2010 title waaaaaaaay more than we talk about the Celtics winning in 2008. 

That's probably because you both traffic in misery rather than celebrate the successes of your teams. Bill really, really, really wants to be a tortured fan. It's pretty much his dream to be tortured by his favorite teams.

How does that make sense?

It makes perfect sense based on who Bill is and how he made his living as a writer. Bill made his living whining about how tortured and cursed his favorite teams are. In fact, he still does this, except he has expanded it to include fans of other professional sports teams emailing him to whine about how tortured their favorite team is. I would say Bill has expanded his horizons, but he really just found a new group to share his misery with.

Then Bill whines about Game 7 of the NBA Finals because life is unfair and he prefers to act like a child and stomp his feet when his teams don't succeed. Not that Bill acts like a child when he doesn't get what he wants. Not that there is a "Rolling Stone" feature on Bill that somewhat proves this to be true.

We thought we were in the minority … until Doc Rivers told me about eating dinner with former assistant Tom Thibodeau last summer. For whatever reason, they spent an hour talking about Game 7...They just sat there eating and drinking and making each other miserable. Only later did Doc realize that the 2008 Finals never came up.

And because Doc Rivers (who was the coach of the Celtics, so it makes sense why he would rehash everything) and Bill Simmons talk more about failures rather than the successes this means "we" must do it also. Obviously.

By the way, remember this column is about the Oklahoma City Thunder? It's easy to forget with Bill's rambling form of writing.

When should you start feeling real anxiety over something as simple as “We might have Durant and Westbrook for their entire careers … how could we NOT win a couple of titles?”

LeBron didn't win a title until he was 27 years old. Durant and Westbrook are both 25 years old. Let's take it easy about them not winning a title during their careers.

When Durant’s beautiful MVP speech seemingly inspired their best basketball in Game 2 and Game 3, as well as the first three quarters of Game 4, that seemed like something of a “Voilà!” moment...And then the last quarter happened. If you want to watch OKC at its worst, just watch the last nine minutes of Game 4: one-on-one offense, overdribbling, wrong lineups, bad strategy, no composure, no crunch-time savviness and 27-foot heaves.

You know Bill was sitting at this game (because it was against the Clippers and Bill has season tickets to Clippers games and knows Jimmy Kimmel...you need Kimmel's phone number, because Bill has it right here) thinking, "I have to write a column about this."

That unsettled malaise carried over to the first 47 minutes of Game 5, with their defense floundering and Durant inexplicably turning into a right-handed Josh Smith. Everything flipped again in the last 50 seconds, thanks to Durant’s monster 3, two utterly ridiculous calls, three egregious Chris Paul mistakes, and Westbrook draining three of the ballsiest free throws I can remember.

Bill looks at it as the Thunder not playing well, while I look at it as an example of a good team winning a game they shouldn't have won...which is something good teams do, right?

I left that game thinking two things …

1. Why am I out of column ideas?

2. Can I squeeze a column idea out of the Thunder's championship window closing? 

How can anyone believe in this Thunder team?
 
And how can anyone NOT believe in this Thunder team?

It’s a great question. And it’s a great question.

Bill thinks he asks himself some great questions. No, he asks fantastic questions of himself that only he has the intelligence to appropriately answer. Bill thinks that Bill Simmons has a beautiful, inquisitive mind.

We always hear about the “journey” with NBA champions. Wilt couldn’t get past Russell until 1967, when he regrouped and unleashed the best Russell imitation that’s ever been done. West couldn’t shed that “Greatest Player Who Never Won” label until the magical ’72 season.

Jerry West didn't win a title until he was 34 years old. This is important to remember when Bill is writing a column about how two 25 year olds have their championship windows closing.

Julius never climbed the mountain in Philly until a man named Moses showed up.

We see what you did there, Bill!

Jordan didn’t become an NBA champ until Scottie matured into a top-five player. Shaq and Kobe kept belly flopping until their unforgettable Game 7 comeback against the 2000 Blazers. The Heat kept caving in 2011 and 2012 until Game 6 against Boston, when LeBron finally said, “Out of my way, this is MY team.”

So basically there is still time for the Thunder to win an NBA Title. Great, fantastic. "We" knew this.

With their best four players younger than 25, they seemed like the safest bet for a multi-title dynasty since the 1995 Magic.

Incorrect. Either the Shaq-Kobe Lakers were the best best for a multi-title dynasty or the Spurs "Big 3" of Duncan, Ginobli, and Parker were the other best bet. I like how Bill uses the example of the 1995 Magic, as a direct comparison to the current Thunder which would lead to the assumed conclusion that the Thunder won't win a title either.

If Durant and Westbrook never win Oklahoma City a title, the Harden trade will forever be the first reason mentioned.

The Thunder EASILY could have afforded Durant, Ibaka, Westbrook and Harden these next two seasons. Right now, they have Steven Adams and the 21st pick of next month’s draft to show for a first-team All-NBA guard. Can you ever recover from that?

Me? Can I recover from that? Yes, I can recover from it because I'm not a Thunder fan. But no, it's hard for a team to recover from trading away a young player like Harden, though the Thunder have won 59 and 60 games in the two seasons since Harden left. The Thunder lost to the Grizzlies last year in the Western Conference Semifinals, but that was after losing Russell Westbrook for the series. This is a big reason why the Thunder didn't advance further in the playoffs last year. This year the Thunder have made the Western Conference Finals. So they seem to be recovering fairly well.

After Westbrook’s untimely knee injury ruined their 2013 playoff chances, you could hear the Thunder’s window creaking for the first time.

I could? And here I thought that was just the wind.

KD threw up a 34-7-6 every night with 51-38-87% shooting splits. Even better, he started carrying himself like a Liam Neeson character — unfriendly, cold-blooded, blessed with a specific set of skills unique to him and only him.

Boy, this reference feels really forced.

As for Westbrook, it took 11 months and three surgeries before he finally looked like Force Of Nature Westbrook again. He’ll always be polarizing — the point guard who shoots 20-plus times a game, the creator who creates mostly for himself, the leader who rarely makes teammates better, the ultimate 90/10 guy,

"90/10" will not become a "thing" Bill. I will not allow it to happen.

I was fortunate enough to watch Jordan and Pippen in person during their collective apex, when they were ripping through overmatched teams like varsity studs whupping on the JV. 

Bill watched Pippen and Jordan. "We" didn't watch Pippen and Jordan, but Bill watched them. Not like "we" watched them, but he WATCHED them in the mid-90's when they were unstoppable. On the other hand "we" were wrong that the Shaq-Penny combination wouldn't lead to multiple titles. See how that works? "We" were wrong about the Magic in the mid-90's, but Bill watched the Bulls tear up the NBA in the mid-90's.

That doesn’t stop the general public from picking them apart. Following the NBA has become a 24/7 thing thanks to social media, YouTube, Instagram and everything else; we never leave these guys alone. They’re constantly accessible.

Oh yeah, it's the general public's fault for sure. The general public is always on pregame shows, debate shows and talk radio bashing Westbrook or giving hot sports takes in small soundbites about Westbrook and Durant that gets published nationally. That's always what the general public is doing, because the general public and not behemoth sports organizations like ESPN set out the talking points for athletes like Durant and Westbrook. Blame the people because it sure as hell ain't the fault of Bill's employer.

I hate how the general public are such monsters don't you? The same general public that has elevated Bill to what he is and gives him the traffic at Grantland that makes him so much money. The same general public that Bill looks down on with such disdain high upon his pedestal as he talks on an NBA pregame show handing out soundbites and hot takes all while blaming the general public for what's coming out of his mouth. If there was ever any doubt Bill has cognitive dissonance on how he became what he is today and how he was at one point similar to the blogs and the public he has such a distaste for that "Rolling Stone" feature removed all of that doubt.

Shaq and Kobe never would have survived life together in 2014 — they would have imploded well before that third title. Scottie Pippen never would have survived the Migraine Game in 1990 or the Self-Benching in 1994; he would have been skewered and reskewered and rereskewered, 

So who would have skewered and reskewered Pippen again? Is it the general public or is it the 24/7 coverage and hot takes handed out by the brainless trolls at ESPN, when Pippen's migraine situation would end up being discussed on all of ESPN's daily news/opinion shows and every "SportsCenter" at length? I think I know the answer to this long question, but does Bill? He needs to be more self-aware.

That’s why there wasn’t a snippier, angrier, more hostile contender than OKC during the regular season. They hated hearing about Harden, hated falling short, hated the Westbrook microscope, hated the constant scrutiny. Everything about them oozed the words “Leave us alone, let us play basketball.”

Who should leave them alone? The general public or Skip Bayless? Does Bill think that Westbrook and Durant hear the criticism from the public or the criticism from the talking heads at ESPN more? Again, I know the answer and I'm not surprised that Bill doesn't.

When Jackson saved Game 4 in Memphis, Durant and Westbrook bear-hugged him for unusually long times. You could feel the relief pouring out of them. This wasn’t just about escaping a threatening playoff moment. It was bigger than that.

And I didn’t totally understand until Durant’s incredible MVP speech, which was simply one of the greatest off-the-floor moments in NBA history.

It was a really good speech. The inability for Bill to understand the criticism of Durant and Westbrook is partly (mostly?) coming from his fellow co-workers at ESPN is baffling to me. I get that he can't just call out Skip Bayless or other ESPN employees, but the mention of "the general public picking them apart" is infuriating to me.

To me, it shows his dislike for the public and those people who have made him the person he is. He's Bill Simmons, fuck you, he's not like the general public and apparently thinks the general public don't take their cues from ESPN at all...despite ESPN being the most popular sports/entertainment organization around. ESPN creates stories out of soundbites by their employees and then runs the story through the ESPN vacuum to get as much mileage out of the story as possible. "Colin Kaepernick could be the best QB ever," "LeBron/Durant aren't clutch," or "I see bust written all over Johnny Manziel," there's no story created by ESPN that ESPN won't beat into the ground. I just take offense to the idea the general public are the ones who are picking Durant/Westbrook apart. That talks from the public is just noise to those guys, but they pay attention when their name is on "SportsCenter" because Skip Bayless is crying for attention again. Durant/Westbrook aren't bothered by guys they don't know giving an opinion on their performance, but when they see themselves being discussed on the national stage in a negative way, these are the types of comments that gets their attention.

He remembered every obstacle he overcame, every moment that mattered, everyone who helped him along the way. He didn’t read from anything. It was unclear how much he even prepared.

"We" were shocked that Durant didn't seem prepared.

Bill won't mention this moment because he's too busy talking about Westbrook/Durant, but the best moment was that one shared between Durant and Butler. Butler hasn't been on the Thunder team long but it's clear he has made an impact on Durant by leaving a note in his locker (yeah, it does sound juvenile) calling him the MVP. It was obvious it all meant something to Durant.

But enough about that, Bill wants to pick apart the Westbrook/Durant dynamic that the general public likes to pick apart so much. Bill is only writing about this dynamic because the general public, not the media, likes to pick this relationship apart.

I mean, can you even compare it to anything? Could even the great Bill Russell have pulled this off?

Bill is essentially a parody of himself at this point. "Could even the great Bill Russell have pulled this off?" I don't remember when Bill Russell became the go-to reference for good speeches, but he was a Celtic and that's all that matters to Bill.

“I know you guys think I forgot Russ,” he joked as everyone laughed nervously. “I could speak all night about Russell. An emotional guy who would run through a wall for me. I don’t take it for granted. There’s days where I just want to tackle you and tell you to snap out of it sometimes. I know there’s days you want to do the same thing with me. I love you, man. I love you.”

Stop there.

You are the one writing the column. You can stop at any point you want.

No way Jordan would ever describe Pippen that way. No way LeBron describes Wade that way. No way Kobe describes ANYONE that way. Durant’s best quality was always Duncan’s best quality — he doesn’t care how his team wins, just that they do. He’s one of the best teammates ever. And just with those eight sentences, he squashed even the most remote possibility of an Avon-Stringer ending.

Well, that's it then. The Thunder's championship window isn't closed and they still have time to win championships. I mean, isn't that what this column is about? Or was about? More importantly, remember how Bill talks about those who pick apart the Westbrook/Durant relationship? What's Bill doing now? The exact same thing. As we learned in the "Rolling Stone" article Bill has rules for others that don't apply to him. He's tired of the general public picking them apart, but it's fine for him to do so.

So much for trading Russell Westbrook.

Bill has now decreed it...RUSSELL WESTBROOK WILL NEVER BE TRADED! WHO SAYS "NO" TO THIS?

I have been following sports for something like 40 years — I can’t remember a teammate sticking up for another teammate better than that. Not ever.

NEVER! EVER! Not even the great Bill Russell could have stuck up for a teammate like this.

Terrell Owens crying about Romo being his quarterback was him sort of sticking up for a teammate. I'm sure there are other examples of a player sticking up for his teammate, but it's pointless for me to try to remember them because Durant just did it better than any other player ever.

Kevin Durant flipped the script on the “journey,” just like that, in less than 50 seconds. Either KD sticks around like Duncan stuck around in San Antonio, or he’s a greater actor than Daniel Day-Lewis. I’m betting on the former. You can’t fake that stuff. You just can’t.

Right, because athletes haven't said things they later take back or have sworn dedication to a team/teammate publicly and then reneged on this dedication later. If Westbrook decides he's not sticking around when he hits free agency, then maybe Durant decides he'll test free agency. There's still a lot of time. And wasn't this column supposed to be about the Thunder's championship window and whether it was closing or not?

And you know what else? Even if they drive us bonkers sometimes, 

Yes, "us" are driven crazy by Durant and Westbrook. "Us" are.

Would LeBron have ever dumped Cleveland if he had Westbrook there?

Bill is tapping into his inner Skip Bayless. This is what being a talking head on television does to a person.

And why would Durant leave OKC when he has Westbrook there?

But he may not always have Westbrook there. Therein lies the rub. Westbrook didn't seem all that touched by Durant's comments and he doesn't have a lifetime contract with the Thunder. Westbrook can become a free agent after Durant can. If he thinks Westbrook isn't staying, why would Durant stay?

It’s the rarest of basketball partnerships — two alpha dogs coexisting and complementing each other (for the most part, anyway), with their friendship transcending every conceivable landmine. Why would you break THAT up? Keep that window pried open, baby. For as long as you can.

So what if this is the Thunder's last shot? That was the question in the title and it remains unanswered, though Bill did a great job of rambling around for a few hundred words until he could lazily talk about the Westbrook/Durant relationship, which has been done a thousand times before (mostly by the general public of course).

So was last night’s remarkable comeback something of a watershed moment for the Durant-Westbrook “journey”? Can they extend their window for 10 years, or 12, or maybe even 15?

15 years seems a bit much. Simmer down a little.

Or will some Thunder employee be wondering What if that was it? What if that was our shot? next month and end up looking like Nostradamus? I don’t know, I don’t know, and I don’t know.

Glad you wrote this column then. NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING, EXCEPT NO ONE KNEW NOTHING ABOUT ANYTHING AS MUCH AS THE GREAT BILL RUSSELL KNEW NOTHING ABOUT ANYTHING. 

Just remember to keep enjoying the ride. Even when it’s a roller coaster.

If Bill doesn't want to write columns anymore, I just wish he would stop. It's clear his heart isn't in it anymore. I'm assuming Bill still has a heart and didn't leave it in Boston as he headed out to California to become a talking head and hopefully a pop culture celebrity. 

2 comments James Harden Probably Needs a Conservatorship

So I write this post and then James Harden goes to a strip club and "makes it rain." This doesn't change my position, though I am sure this gives Jenni Carlson more ammunition to condescend to James Harden. It is still pretty innocent for a wealthy athlete to go to a strip club and throw money around.

Jenni Carlson of The Oklahoman has decided to condescend to James Harden. She thinks because he likes to party, as exhibited by the one party he threw on a boat, he should probably stay out of a big city once he hits free agency or he will be drawn into the party lifestyle only to realize the error of his ways and change just in time to win the NBA Championship and win over his love interest. Sorry, I may have just outlined the plot of a movie, I'm not completely sure. Jenni thinks the best way to keep Harden in Oklahoma City is to point out to him that he should be treated like a child who can't control his own behavior, so it may be best to play in sleepy little Oklahoma City, Oklahoma (population: 591,967) for the rest of his career. I'm not sure the plan of saying Harden "needs" Oklahoma City is an effective one.

When doing research on Harden and what I had written about him in the past I stumbled across something very interesting. I stumbled on Bill Simmons' 2009 Draft Diary. We all know Bill Simmons loves to tell us when he is right about a player (see: Durant v. Oden), but he isn't so interested in pointing out when he misses on a player. Here's what he had to say about James Harden when he was drafted by the Thunder in 2009:

I like Harden as a glue-character guy and he definitely has a good porn name. But considering the Zombies have to worry about Durant fleeing in a couple of years, wasn't it in their best interests to find him an unselfish guard who's immensely fun to play with and was put on the earth to get Durant easy baskets? Big mistake.

This is what I am often lecturing Simmons about. He doesn't watch enough college basketball to claim to be an expert on Harden. What is James Harden in the NBA? He is an unselfish guard who is fun to play with and can get to the basket to help Durant get easy baskets. He was stuck in a bad offense for his talents at Arizona State. I said so at the time in response to Bill's comment:

Ouch. Bill's lack of college basketball knowledge comes back to bite him in the ass here. James Harden is a great passer and a wonderful teammate. That is actually a weakness that he has, scouts think he is too unselfish and should look for his own shot more. He averaged 4 assists this year and the number would have been higher if Herb Sendek ran an offense that was even halfway amenable to getting good recruits who could make shots. Let's just say if Kevin Durant is Michael Jordan, James Harden is a wonderful Scottie Pippen. The Thunder drafted a shooting guard who is unselfish and immensely fun to play with and will get Durant easy baskets. Harden is no Ricky Rubio, but if you draft Rubio then that pushed Westbrook to the 2 spot, which is not going to work out well. Harden is going to fit in well here.

Then you can read me defending Harden in the comments when an anonymous (I know! Someone who stays anonymous ripped me!) commenter got all sarcastic and shit. I wonder if Bill continues to believe taking Harden over Rubio was a big mistake? I don't think the answer as to which player is a better fit for the Thunder is still up in the air. I think Harden is still a better fit for the Thunder. I also can't judge whether Harden or Rubio are better players in the long run since Rubio has only been in the NBA for one year. I am wrong about a lot of things and I try not to pretend I am smarter than I really am. This was a situation where Bill Simmons was wrong about a player because he watched Harden in the NCAA Tournament and wasn't impressed with him, so he wrote Harden off thinking he knew all he needed to know to make a fair evaluation of Harden's talent.

Anyway, onto Jenni Carlson and her article. I hope this wasn't her intent, but this column seems tone-deaf and makes it seem like James Harden needs someone to watch over him and help him live his life.

Everyone thinks Oklahoma City needs James Harden.

Turns out, it might be the other way around.

James Harden needs Oklahoma City? Why would that be? So that Oklahoma City can be Harden's proverbial mother and prevent his outlandish party ways from ruining his basketball career?

Have you seen pictures from the All-White Yacht Party?

I have and they look like typical pictures of a wealthy, 22 year old celebrating his birthday. Everyone wore white and there were a ton of women celebrating Harden's birthday with him. Harden did what pretty much any other 22 year old single male would do for his birthday. There's nothing egregious or outlandish in those pictures. If someone took pictures of me from the ages of 19-26 celebrating my birthday it would have looked like a cheaper version of this party with less women, less yacht, less white, and more beer as opposed to liquor. This All-White Yacht party isn't a sign James Harden can't handle a big city, but is a sign he just won a gold medal and his team made the NBA Finals, so he wants to party on his birthday.

Everyone dressed in head-to-toe white, hung out on a yacht and, um, had a lot of fun.

Everybody got drunk. It's a party, that's what happens. No one got arrested and from all appearances everyone who attended the party made it home safely. Nothing to see here, let's move on.

But we can't move on, because this party is a clear sign James Harden can't handle playing in a big city. Granted, he is from Los Angeles, California and somehow managed to make it through high school without becoming unfocused and entering rehab a couple of times, but Los Angeles isn't that big of a city is it? Jenni Carlson think there is no way Harden could handle Los Angeles as a mature adult when making a lot of money.

If you believe what you read on Twitter, Diddy or Sean Combs or whatever he's calling himself these days even sent over some pricey cases of Ciroc vodka.

Nothing wrong with that.

There is nothing with that...other than Carlson thinks this is proof James Harden needs to re-sign with Oklahoma City to help ensure this partying doesn't happen all the time. It does seem she believes there is a little something wrong with partying like this.

In fact, my favorite picture is one of Harden surrounded by lovely women. He is shirtless and wearing white pants, a massive gold chain and a gold-and-black, tiger-print cowboy hat.

I mean, Harden is looking more and more like Mr. T every day.

And look what happened to Mr. T. He thought he was all rich and famous after having success with "The A-Team" and "Rocky 3" and now everyone makes fun of him as a punchline to a joke. If James Harden doesn't want to end up doing 1-800 Collect ads in a few years, he better stay in Oklahoma City.

But seriously, if this is how The Beard parties now, what can we expect after he signs what everyone expects will be a massive contract?

But no, this isn't seriously a concern. Harden threw one party. Guess who else was there? Kevin Durant? He was partying too. Where is the concern that Durant has gotten his big extension and now is partying his nights away with Mase, P Diddy, and every other Bad Boy record label star from the 90's? Eric Maynor was there. He's coming off a major injury. Does his being at Harden's party mean he is dodging his rehab and has started partying as a full-time job? Of course not. So why the concern about Harden partying after getting a massive contract? Harden has no history of being trouble off the court.

And if he happens to sign that deal with a team in Los Angeles or New York or some other hot spot?

The Beard may become a wild hair.

James Harden was born in Los Angeles. He went to Arizona State, which is commonly known as one of the biggest party schools in the nation. So far he has managed to grow up in a big city and play college basketball at a huge party school and still be on track for a huge NBA contract at the age of 22. I'm 99% sure Harden can handle playing in a big city. He's not a child and shouldn't be condescended to for throwing himself a birthday party.

Oklahoma City can save Harden from himself.

Oh my. What a condescending sentence. If I were James Harden I would read this sanctimonious sentence and immediately decide I will not be re-signing with the Thunder.

It is as if Oklahoma City is a bastion of purity which will rid James Harden of the evils lurking out in the world. You are a flawed person, James Harden, for daring to party a little bit. Stay in Oklahoma City with the Thunder and together you and Jenni Carlson can continue to look down and judge those who dare to live the lifestyle of those who live in the big city.

Oh, sure, there are plenty of folks who think Harden will be the one helping OKC by staying in town, and there's no doubt that the Thunder is better with him than without him.

It would help both sides if Harden stayed in Oklahoma City. It is not like Harden is going to go to another NBA city and allow the Sirens of that big city ruin his life, and that's why he should re-sign with the Tunder. Like it or not, that's what Jenni Carlson is saying here. She is saying James Harden needs Oklahoma City to help focus him on basketball because he is too immature to play in a big city. By playing in a big city that lurks outside the walls of nobility surrounding Oklahoma City, it is only a matter of time before James Harden is caught with 10 pounds of cocaine and a dead hooker in his bed.

Harden even said some things that make you believe he'd be willing to sacrifice some coin to stay in Oklahoma City.

“This is something special here,” he said a few days after that Finals loss. “A dynasty could be, is being built here. We're winning, we're having fun, and we're brothers.

But then came along the All-White Yacht party and these words have changed into different actions. Now James Harden is all about partying and wearing white as much as possible. The Thunder uniforms aren't white. I wonder if by having an All-White party James Harden was telling the Thunder something?

But you have to wonder if The Beard Express has a chance of running off the rail.

No, we don't. Harden was just being a 22 year old athlete and threw a party for himself. There's nothing else to read into this happening other than Harden wanted to have a party with his friends.

Earlier this summer, his account on Instagram, a picture-based social media website, had a photo of a note with some news.

“JUST FOUND OUT I GOT TRADED TO THE HORNETS,” it read. “I'LL MISS OKC.”

Harden is making jokes about being traded? Some things are just so serious they should not even be joked about. This is one of those things. Someone needs to save James Harden from the downward spiral, because he isn't enough of an adult to help himself at this point.

Not long after, the picture was deleted.

Turns out it was a hoax.

I'm glad it was clarified by Carlson as a hoax, otherwise this column wouldn't have made much sense at all if Harden was currently playing for a team in New Orleans.

Hard to believe the Thunder was real happy that one of its potential franchise players is joking around about that.

Then again, that gold-and-black, tiger-print cowboy hat couldn't have been a big hit either.

I'm guessing the Thunder don't care what Harden does in his spare time, as long as it is legal. They most likely realize he is a grown man who capable of living life on his own and doesn't need a sanctimonious lecture about how drinking is bad.

But I'm telling you, the Thunder could use this to its advantage.

Nothing says, "Oklahoma City is looking out for it's players" like using the fact he throws an expensive party for himself as a part of the contract negotiations.

Harden clearly has some wild child in him, and there's nothing wrong with that, but here's where the Thunder can make OKC a huge positive. Sell Harden and his people on the fact that he shouldn't live in party city with a bunch of money.

Great idea! I'm sure this would work perfectly!

(Sam Presti) "We are not going to offer James the max contract."

(Harden and his agent looked surprised) "Ok. You realize this means you are close to an even playing field with other NBA teams, right? May I ask why? Even though I did just ask why by asking if I could ask why?"

(Sam Presti) "Sure, there's that yacht party James threw. We don't think he's a drunk and we trust him to do the right thing, except we do think he parties too much and we don't trust him to be making a large amount of money and spend this money wisely, but we also think he shouldn't be in a party city with all that money he will make. We trust you will agree. One more thing, we do know our offer evens the playing field...but we are pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty sure James will stay here. (spreads arms out) It's Oklahoma City!"

(Harden pulls a bunny out of his beard and begins to pet it) "You want me to take a discount to stay here? That's what you are saying?"

(Presti) "Well, you and I both know you will fail if you go to a big city. You will blow all of your money on partying and taking ladies out to nightclubs. Then you will be in deep debt and end up playing overseas because no NBA team will want you. We are 95% sure you are another Antoine Walker, but we'd love to have you re-sign with the Thunder."

(Harden's agent) "There's a lot of information you just threw at us. You don't think James is going to be able to handle his money. Do you think he is too stupid to handle his money? He's never had an issue in the past with handling his money."

(Presti) "Absolutely not. James just shouldn't live in a party city with a bunch of money. He's never had a problem before because he has played in Oklahoma City his whole career. James is too feeble-minded to handle living in a bigger city."

(Harden's agent responds while Harden picks food crumbs out of his beard) "Oh ok, you don't think he is stupid, you just think can't handle his money and have no respect for him as a free-thinking person. I get it."

(Presti) "Absolutely not. James had that yacht party a year ago and it really made us think he couldn't handle a big city, even though he grew up in Los Angeles and has never indicated before he couldn't handle his money. We can save James from his fate. Let us do this."

(Harden's agent) "If you are 95% sure Harden is going to be another Antoine Walker why do you even want him on your team. Won't he blow money here too?"

(Presti) "Well no. There is a lot of evil in big cities and there is nothing evil here in Oklahoma City. Only Oklahoma City can save you James. Let us save you."

(Harden and his agent gets up to leave) "We're done here. The fact you tried to use James' birthday party as a negotiation ploy to convince us James can't handle living in a big city tells me all I need to know."

(Presti screams after them) "You know not what you do. You need us to save you!"

Convince them that he can visit places like L.A. and Miami in the offseason but that he needs to spend most of his time in a place like Oklahoma City.

Nothing could help convince an NBA player that he should re-sign with his current team more than them suggesting what he should or should not do or where he should go visit in the offseason. NBA players love it when teams show them a lack of respect.

Last I checked, Lake Hefner didn't have enough water to float a boat big enough for another All-White Yacht Party.

I definitely think the Thunder should lead negotiations with Harden based on the following three ideas:

1. Oklahoma City is a boring place to live.

2. Harden needs Oklahoma City because he isn't capable of handling living in a big city. He needs to be saved from himself.

3. The Thunder don't want to just be your employer, they want to run your entire life.

I think we can just chalk this article up to a bad case of writer's block.

4 comments One Win

(We've had a day of creativity at BotB. Read through J.S.'s brilliant post and then go to Dylan's post below which answers philosophical questions about the NBA)

Naturally enough, I've read a pretty large number of articles on sports. Unfortunately, some of these have been written by Scoop Jackson. Scoop has demonstrated jaw dropping poor judgement, stunning lack of creativity, lack of any sense of proportionality and even downright delusion. But, I suppose one could argue, at least Scoop was trying to say something here. This...I don't know what this is supposed to be.

NBA playoff fear: OKC Thunder storm

They're clouding the future for anyone who has to face OKC in the NBA playoffs

Ugh.

We're only one game in, but it's already time to face the factuality

Already the very first outline of the mountain of fluff in this article appears. This is going to break all Universe records for filler, and this should tip you off. Factuality? Yeah, of course, "factuality", that everyday, common term, so often used in basketball analysis.

If the other teams in the West don't come with their A+ games each time they step onto the court to face the Thunder, they'll be collecting more L's than Penny Marshall's sweaters.

(You might need to be over 35 to get that one.)

I'm not over 35 but I'm sure it's terrible anyway.

Playing Oklahoma City right now? A time to fear. A time to recognize. The Thunder are for real. Seriously and dangerously real. Not just because of their 107-103 Game 1 victory at home over the Nuggets to open up the playoffs on Sunday night, and not just because they avoided the upset fate that had Los Angeles, San Antonio and Orlando losing home-court advantage one game into their series.

I don't know what you mean by "real". They are pretty good, I think everyone agrees on that. In fact, nearly everyone has them ahead of Dallas in the chase for the Larry O'Brien trophy. Maybe even ahead of the Spurs, as people question their post defense. It's possible they are as high as the second favourite in the Western Conference right now. On Betfair currently, the Thunder are trading at $10.50 (equates to about a 9.5% chance to win it all). Boston, who have been to two of the past three Finals, are $9.20 (about 10.8%). Hardly slept on and requiring a "wake the fuck up on the Thunder!" column from Scoop.

Anyway, you say this isn't a kneejerk reaction to their Game 1 victory (which was deeply tainted by a non call as Scoop soon concedes), but you have a long and notorious history of dumb kneejerk reactions, so why is today any different?

This is more. They are more.

More. I get it now. Before, I was thinking they were less - turns out they were more.

Don't let the two superstars fool you. Don't think that what Kenny Smith and Charles Barkley said on TNT after Game 1 -- they both used the word "worried" when they suggested the Thunder won't go far relying on two players scoring 72 of the team's 107 total points -- is law. Don't think that Oklahoma City is two elite players surrounded by a bunch of Bobcats.

To be fair to Scoop, this is a remarkably good description of the Thunder. They are so shallow offensively, and the Bobcats for the last three years or so have been just a train wreck offensively. But they were chock full of solid, hardworking defensive players, of the Perkins/Sefolosha/Mohammad/Ibaka variety. So Scoop unwittingly stumbled into some insightful analysis...by saying that this was not the case.

Don't be surprised if six weeks from now, we're still writing columns about them.

Just because Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook duo-handedly saved the Thunder from coming out of the gates like the Lakers, the Spurs and the Magic, don't fall into a conviction that a) this isn't a team; or b) those two aren't enough to win series. Plural.

I'm deeply sceptical, they have two scorers who are, at the end of the day, very inexperienced in playoff basketball (relatively speaking), minimal at best offensive post presence, with a young coach and will be conceding home floor for three straight series. This would be unprecidented really but I can't say it's a stupid comment in and of itself. I can say it's stupid because Scoop Jackson wrote it.

The Thunder have players at every position.

Can't tell you how important this is kids. Simply by not starting games with four point guards, the Thunder already have a headstart on six teams in the playoff field.

Players who know their roles but aren't just role players. James Harden. Eric Maynor. Serge Ibaka, Thabo Sefolosha.

I can't think of a group of players who more quintessentially define the term "role players" as much as this group. This is exactly what a role player is - players exactly like that. I mean, Lamar Odom, would be a role player but not just a role player. Jamal Crawford maybe. George Hill might sneak in there. Paul Millsap. Not Eric Maynor.

And they have benefited from the addition of Kendrick Perkins just as much as Boston seems to have been hurt by his subtraction.

"I think Kevin and Russell are great teammates," coach Scott Brooks said after the Game 1 win. "Obviously, they've developed into All-Stars. & But we're a good team. We're not a Kevin and Russell team. We're a Thunder team. Guys all chip in."

Oklahoma City has the energy and intensity of an NCAA mid-major winning deep into the tournament -- and a Hall of Fame-caliber player with the demeanor (and game) of George Gervin. The Thunder are the only team in the NBA playoffs out to prove that last year was not a fluke.

They finished 8th last year. How is that a fluke season? They improved their record by five games and seeding by four. I think everyone appreciates they are a formidable team very much on the rise. None of this makes any sense. They are not some plucky underdog, they are not considered a fluke by anyone, you are living in an alternate reality Scoop Jackson.

Every year entering the playoffs, there is one team nobody wants to face. It's that team that has nothing to lose and feels as if it's balling on the house's money. Losses don't faze this team; wins don't surprise it. In 2008, it was the Golden State Warriors, who eliminated the No.1 seed Dallas Mavericks. Two years ago, it was the Chicago Bulls, who pushed the then-defending champion Celtics to the seven-game brink.

Last year it was & it was them.

I'm not sure if that last line is sic or what. It's impossible to tell with Scoop whether it is an editing error or it is intentional for some bizarre reason. Please, feel free to tell me what you think this last line might mean. This guy is paid hundreds of thousands to write for ESPN, remarkable.

Anyway, about those examples. The Warriors missed the playoffs the following year. The Bulls finished with an identical record and seed and were again bundled out in the first round. I can only imagine Scoop is drawing a parallel between these teams and OKC, which would suggest he thinks they are basically no chance to make any real noise whatsoever.

OKC scared L.A. last season, although the Lakers will never admit it. In some ways, their opening-round series (it went six games) seemed more compelling than the seven-game series that was the NBA Finals. The Thunder learned from that, learned they belonged.

It was a fucking great Finals last year. Look, the Thunder stole a couple of games, but never led in the series, never won on the Lakers floor, and really, a real scare by a lower seed should force the higher seed to close out on their home floor. It was a solid performance, everyone got a bit carried away I think. And if everyone got carried away, Scoop Jackson is at Alpha Centauri now.

They learned then that they had to make the outcome of this year's playoffs different. They learned what "nothing to lose" feels like. They became that team to fear.

Yes, the Thunder won Game 1 Sunday on a fluke. A missed offensive goaltending call (the league admitted it on Monday) that gave them a one-point lead with less than a minute left. But this was "Upset Sunday," and the Thunder found a way to survive. Down 13 early, in only this team's seventh playoff game, they didn't fold.

They were at home. Against a team that traded its best player halfway through the season. And they got a ridiculous, game changing call even you admit was fucked. They didn't fold? It's game 1 of a possible 49 game season, of course they didn't fold!

Get used to that. They won't fold and they won't go out or down easily. They've learned how not to give games away. If they are to lose, someone will have to beat them.

So no team will be able to take advantage of that little loophole anymore that you can beat a team with less points if you eat more cherry pies at halftime.

Get ready folks, the bullshitting and saying nothing are kicking it up to 9th gear.

They are an NCAA-replica team in a pro basketball tournament. They'll play every game with the same "survive and advance" mentality that UConn, Butler and VCU did a few weeks ago. And if things fall into place, the Thunder could find themselves with the same Kemba Walker-inspired results.

Or very, very close to it.

So can a "college" team actually win an NBA championship?

Probably not. The lack of NBA players alone would be a severe impediment. A talented NBA team though with two elite talents might.

Without making too much out of one win, the answer is: Most definitely. And one of the differences between the Thunder team in these playoffs and the one that showed up here this time last year is that it knows it now.

Now, can they show it and prove it to the 15 other teams left standing? With every game, can they generate more fear?

Brooks said during the game Sunday that the key is making stops and making 3s. He realizes for this team, it's really just that simple. He knows just how good the Thunder really are, not just how good they can be.

The anti-Heat, that's what they were called in a recent GQ story. Who are we to disagree?

The lightning has already struck. And once that happens, we all know what follows.

Without making too much of one win, of course.