Showing posts with label contradiction in action. Show all posts
Showing posts with label contradiction in action. Show all posts

Monday, October 26, 2015

0 comments Rob Rossi Has Some Strong Opinions Not Necessarily Supported by Facts or His Own Opinion

The Pittsburgh Pirates lost to the Chicago Cubs in the terrible, no-good one game Wild Card playoff. Rob Rossi thinks this is an important offseason for the Pirates, but he also thinks some of the Pirates best players are probably at-fault for this one game playoff loss. Rob Rossi states Gerrit Cole is not good enough and Andrew McCutchen has too many earrings. His takes are all overreactions and a sad attempt to simply blame someone, ANYONE, for the Pirates failings in the ridiculous one game Wild Card playoff.

I'll start first with Rossi's issues about Gerrit Cole just not being good enough for the Pirates. He's a bum and the city of Pittsburgh deserves much than him.

More winning. Less jawing. And better pitching.

The Pirates need all of that in the biggest games from Gerrit Cole. 

While admitting that Gerrit Cole didn't pitch his best against the Cubs, let's also understand that the Pirates scored zero runs. Gerrit Cole could have thrown a nine inning perfect game and the Pirates still would not have beaten the Cubs without the game going to extra innings. So blame Cole, but also understand the Pirates' batters didn't score any runs for Cole. He can't win a game if his offense doesn't score a run.

Cole was horrendous and the reason the Pirates never were in position to win a National League wild-card game they lost to the Chicago Cubs, 4-0.

He needed to stick around for more than five innings.

He needed to not allow a first-inning run, then a two-run homer in the third and a solo shot in the fifth.

He needed more first-pitch strikes. 

Cole could have stuck around for nine innings, allowed zero home runs, and thrown a first-pitch strike to every single better he faced. It wouldn't have mattered because Jake Arrieta gave up zero runs too. 

No, the Pirates didn't go out there and give it to the Cubs. Cole did, though.

His margin for error was not slim. It was none. 

And of course, because his margin for error was none then it is Cole's fault the Pirates lost the one game Wild Card playoff. The fact Cole didn't pitch well was unfortunate. The issue is that even if Cole pitched extraordinarily, it still wouldn't have even mattered. The Pirates were going to lose the game because they couldn't score runs against Jake Arrieta. The fact Gerrit Cole could have given up zero runs and pitched nine innings, yet still not win the game, reflects on his team as much as giving up four runs in five innings reflects on him. 

As soon as he gave up that first run, the Pirates were done. Cole gave up that first run before he recorded an out. 

Doesn't this say something about the Pirates hitters as well? If Cole gives up one run and the Pirates have lost, is it really his fault the Pirates lost because he gave up a run? 

Another postseason blacked-out crowd would have been better off had Cole never stepped onto the mound. Or if ceremonial first-pitcher Bob Walk had stayed on the mound. 

Walk's career postseason record: 1-4, 4.50 ERA, 1.143 WHIP.
Cole's career postseason record: 1-2, 3.94 ERA, 0.875 WHIP.

Seems like Walk wasn't exactly much better than Cole has been in the postseason.

Aces flip the switch. Aces don't flip out.

Cole isn't an ace. He's the Pirates' best starting pitcher. 

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH! Tough burn there. Gerrit Cole is only the best pitcher on a team of elite baseball players. That must suck.

There is a big difference. 

A huge difference. The difference being a pitcher isn't considered an ace until he wins a big game and the media anoints him an "ace." Cole was 19-8 this season with 208 innings over 32 starts with a 1.091 WHIP, 2.66 ERA and ERA+ of 148. I don't know, I think I would consider that to be an ace. 

Had the Pirates an ace, they might have played more baseball each of these last three Octobers.

An ace, St. Louis' Adam Wainwright, took them out two years ago.

An ace, San Francisco's Madison Bumgarner, took them out last year.

An ace, Chicago's Jake Arrieta, just took them out again. 

I'm guessing that Rob Rossi knows baseball is a team game. What's funny is the second article I post here from Rossi is where he tears into the Pirates batting lineup for not scoring enough runs in the postseason. So it's Cole's fault that Wainwright, Bumgarner and Arrieta have shut the Pirates out in the postseason over the last three years? The Pirates keep running into really hot pitchers who are able to shut them out. But again, it's more simple to blame Gerrit Cole AND blame the Pirates batting lineup in separate articles. That way no reader gets confused and may think pushing blame on to one person is ridiculous and sees through Rossi's act. His "act" being that he individually blames Gerrit Cole for the Pirates loss in the one game Wild Card playoff, while also blaming the Pirates batting lineup for not scoring enough runs. He has to separate them out so it's harder to see the idiocy of individually blaming Cole.

The Pirates have scored one run in their past three postseason games. Two of those were wild-card contests. The other was on the road in a decisive Game 5 of the division series. 

And of course, this is probably Gerrit Cole's fault too. How come Gerrit Cole can't pitch every playoff game and throw a shutout in every game? He's not an ace if he can't do this. 

Top-end talent is what plays when a season is on the line, and the Pirates aren't competitive at postseason baseball's most important position. 

Which for the purposes of this column is starting pitching. In his next column, Rossi will claim the most important position in baseball is first base, which is why he advocates for the Pirates to trade for a power-hitting first baseman so they can finally win a playoff series and get to the World Series. What's important for the Pirates to succeed will change depending on the point Rossi wants to prove. 

That would be starting pitching.

The Giants.

The Cardinals.

The Dodgers.

The Cubs.

Those clubs can throw aces. Right now. 

Well, the Giants can't throw aces right now because they aren't in the playoffs. Regardless if the Pirates can throw a string of Hall of Famers at opposing teams or a string of pitchers who haven't pitched above Triple-A, it doesn't matter as long as the Pirates offense can't score runs. 

Cole might become one. Cole probably will become one.

Rob Rossi earlier in this column: 

Aces flip the switch. Aces don't flip out.

Cole isn't an ace.

So what's the suggestion by Rossi to fix this? Gerrit Cole isn't an ace, but will probably become one. So he's not good enough for the Pirates right now? What if he turns into an ace next year, you know, since he's probably going to end up being an ace and all? Will he be good enough for the Pirates at that point?

The ridiculousness of saying Cole is not an ace, so the Pirates need to find an ace so they can win a playoff series and then writing, "Cole will probably become an ace" can not be understated. It's a poorly-thought out and constructed column designed only to get a reaction. In that aspect, Rob Rossi has had great success.

He's 25 and has pitched fewer than three full seasons.

He'll be great. 

Great or just the Pirates best pitcher? Because THERE'S A DIFFERENCE!

He just might not be great enough in time for the Pirates to win while Andrew McCutchen is still great. 

Oh by the way, for the purposes of this column Andrew McCutchen IS great. In the next column Rossi writes, McCutchen will no longer be great and he's a guy who needs to start delivering in the postseason. Again, Rossi takes whatever position he needs to take at that very moment without a single thought of how he contradicts himself over time. 

Or even while McCutchen is still a Pirate.

And that's a big problem. 

McCutchen is a free agent after the 2018 season. I have a feeling Cole will be considered an "ace" at that point, but what good is all of this if the Pirates can't score runs? Gerrit Cole may not have been the pitcher for the Pirates that Arrieta was for the Cubs this year, but putting blame on him for the offense's failures is ridiculous. Even if Cole had pitched a perfect nine innings the Pirates still couldn't have beaten Arrieta and the Cubs. 

Rossi then continues writing his Plaschke-esque one sentence paragraphs (perhaps Plaschke is his idol? They seem to have the same reactionary "let's make a huge issue where there isn't one" type of writing style when the local team fails) where he provides some advice to Neal Huntington about the Pirates "reboot" this offseason. Rossi is apparently bothered by the earrings that Andrew McCutchen wears and thinks he's not clutchy.

So no, it won't be easy. But this is what Huntington should do between now and next Opening Day:

• Re-sign J.A. Happ to replace A.J. Burnett as the No. 3 starter. 

Gerrit Cole isn't good enough for the Pirates, but paying up for a 33 year old starter with a career ERA of 4.13, a guy who has never thrown for more than 172 innings in a season (and did it this year in his contract year...that NEVER happens), and has a career WHIP of 1.367 is just a brilliant idea. How could re-signing a career 4th or 5th starter as the Pirates 3rd starter after he has had a career year EVER be a bad idea? There are so many red flags around J.A. Happ in my mind, but I'm not the expert that Rob Rossi is. Gerrit Cole is just the Pirates best pitcher, while J.A. Happ is a third starter. 

• Trade closer Mark Melancon to Anaheim for Hector Santiago, who can become the fourth starter. 

Who give a fuck if the Angels want to do this trade or not? Just fucking do it without the Angels approval. Get Rob Manfred on the phone to approve the trade now. 

• Remind every American League club that Pedro Alvarez's big bat is back. 

Because when requesting the Pirates find more offense, it's good to trade a player with a "big bat" that is still under team control until after the 2017 season. 

"The Pirates need more offense! Trade one of their best home run hitters!"

If only Alvarez could handle a corner infield position.

If only the National League would adopt the designated-hitter rule. 

Two straight one sentence paragraphs. It's not totally infuriating, but is definitely slightly infuriating to me. Don't write like a seven year old writes. Try writing full paragraphs.

If only Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band would get back on the road. 

A baseball sportswriters who loves Bruce Springsteen? I don't believe it at all. Can this be true? Baseball sportswriters rarely love Bruce Springsteen. 

The Pirates can't keep dancing in the dark when it comes to Alvarez. 

GET IT? IT'S A BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN SONG REFERENCE SLIPPED COVERTLY INTO A TAKE ABOUT WHAT A WORTHLESS FIELDER PEDRO ALVAREZ IS! THIS IS PROFESSIONAL SPORTSWRITING PEOPLE, PLEASE STEP BACK!

He can't field, but the light is back on when it comes to his power. 

If only there were a Journey reference in this column I could say if Alvarez goes to San Francisco and hits poorly "When the lights go down in the city and sun shines on the bay" is the time when Alvarez joined the Giants.  

An excellent home run-to-fly ball ratio (HR/FB) is at or above 20 percent. Alvarez is 22.5 percent for his career, and he was 10 percent better than that this past season. 

Well that's certainly not fluky at all. I'm sure Alvarez will continue to hit 10% better than his career average for the rest of his career. American League teams are stupid though. I'm sure they don't care about silly things like "statistics" or the idea of "regression." 

The return might not be great, but Huntington should be able to move Alvarez to an AL peer whose need is a DH. 

Again, just force an AL team to trade for him. Might as well ask Rob Manfred to force this trade through while you are on the phone with him about forcing through the Hector Santiago trade. 

Move on to the answer for the question people are starting to ask. 

"People" being defined as "Rob Rossi and select sports radio callers who are idiots." Two people ask the question and all of a sudden "people" are starting to ask questions. 

Why isn't Andrew McCutchen an MVP-caliber player in the postseason? 

Isn't this article about how the Pirates don't have good hitters in the lineup and they need to improve the pitching staff and their hitting? Well, there is your answer why McCutchen might not hit well in smaller sample sizes against better teams. McCutchen is hitting .321/.441/.357 for his career in the postseason by the way. 

No home runs.

No RBIs.

No big moments. 

He does have six at-bats in 34 plate appearances. His playoff walk rate is 17.6%, while his career walk rate (with a much larger sample of course) is 12.1%. It seems like he either has a better eye in the postseason or he's not getting a ton to hit when he comes up to the plate. 

Criticism of his underwhelming Octobers is fair, deserved and no different than what is directed at the Penguins' Sidney Crosby and the Steelers' Ben Roethlisberger. 

Sure, criticize him for his lack of power. It makes sense, but he's still getting on-base. He's just not hitting for power. 

Crosby owns a championship ring.

Roethlisberger owns two championship rings.

McCutchen owns earrings. 

It may be best to go back in time and just delete these three sentences/paragraphs (for Rob Rossi, a sentence is a paragraph apparently), because this is an embarrassment. Andrew McCutchen is by all accounts a really nice guy and Rossi has to make a snide comment about him having "earrings" as opposed to championship rings. What a joke. 

The Pirates have jumped overboard with all their “Ps.”

Pride is great.

Passion is wonderful.

Postseason is fun.

Passable is old. 

And it's all Gerrit Cole's fault! Wait, this isn't the column where Cole is getting blamed? 
(Rossi checks his notes) 

Oh yeah, it's all Andrew McCutchen's fault because he hasn't produced big moments, big hits and has earrings. Well, it's not really his fault, but for the sake of argument and the need for attention let's pretend that it is.

That last “P” word is the best adjective to describe the first basemen and cleanup hitters who have played with McCutchen. 

And this obviously has nothing to do with the Pirates scoring 1 run in their last three postseason games nor does it have anything to do with why Andrew McCutchen hasn't produced big moments. It seems that Rossi's reasoning for the Pirates struggles revolves entirely around the lineup, yet he feels the need to blame individuals because that's what gets the attention. 

As evidence, the prosecution points to the Pirates' lineup for this year's National League wild-card game.

Role player Sean Rodriguez started at first base. Free swinger Starling Marte batted fourth. 

And McCutchen only went 2-4 in the Wild Card game. If he had only hit five home runs, then the Pirates could have won the game and Gerrit Cole wouldn't be such a terrible pitcher. Cole would have gotten a win and become an ace. Andrew McCutchen is holding back Gerrit Cole's development as an ace for the Pirates. 

But, members of the jury, let's not stop at the latest wild-card lineup. 

I don't know why Rossi is doing a "fake attorney" bit, but I'm not playing along. 

In 2014, the Pirates placed Gabby Sanchez at first and Russell Martin in the cleanup spot.

In 2013, Justin Morneau filled both roles. 

Again, perhaps focus more on this and less on Cole and McCutchen's "struggles" in the postseason. It seems the reason for the Pirates not winning a playoff series can be found when looking at McCutchen's supporting cast. 

The prosecution would also like to introduce as evidence a couple of Chicago Cubs from Wednesday night: Kris Bryant, the No. 3 hitter, and behind him, first baseman Anthony Rizzo.


Why, yes, that 1-2 punch in the 3-4 holes did seem to rattle Gerrit Cole after the Cubs' leadoff hitter stole second base and scored in the first inning. 

Yes, Gerrit Cole was so rattled that in 8 plate appearances in the game Rizzo and Bryant managed to go 0-7 with a walk (and yes, I know other Pirates pitchers faced Rizzo and Bryant, but the point is Rossi is introducing these two players as evidence of what "real" #3 and #4 hitters are and they didn't hit as well as McCutchen did in the one game Wild Card playoff). I mean, Cole was scared shitless of these two players. Why can't the Pirates find a #3 hitter and #4 hitter like these two who come up big by not getting a single hit in the one game Wild Card? Instead, the Pirates are stuck with mediocre-ass Andrew McCutchen who struggles at the plate, going 2-4 in the one game Wild Card. 

“Everybody would like to have an anchor in the middle of their lineup in these type of games,” manager Clint Hurdle said Wednesday night. 

But why can't the Pirates just go find guys like this? It should be easy to do. 

They've managed to come this far without answers to two big questions that have been asked at the start, during and at the end of every season since McCutchen arrived.

Who's on first?

Who's batting fourth? 

Notice how this column went quietly from "Why can't McCutchen come up big?" to "Why aren't the players around McCutchen good enough?" Again, Rossi knows blaming McCutchen for not coming up big is a little silly, but he needs to get the attention comments about McCutchen's earrings will provide. 

Huntington has called this offseason “big.” He's underselling it.

It's huge.

Massive. Large. Mammoth. 

It all means about the same thing. They are called "synonyms" and I would think a J-school class probably discussed this at some point. Perhaps Rob Rossi was too busy checking out a classmates' earrings and was distracted during this portion of the lecture.

The Pirates could look to trade with a major league team, but all the best first basemen are going to cost at least a top prospect and probably two.

Probably. 

You are underselling it. It's potentially, perhaps even possibly. 

Huntington could always dangle Marte or Gregory Polanco. 

Oh yes, dangle the free-swinging Starling Marte. He's not good enough for the Pirates, but he's good enough to get a great first baseman back in return through a trade. 

And he should, presuming the Pirates' don't win the rights to Park. Josh Harrison can step into one of the corner outfield spots immediately. 

This is the same Josh Harrison who has slashed .284/.318/.417 with 24 home runs in 1470 at-bats during his career. In the search for a cleanup hitter, it's best to replace a guy who hit 19 home runs last year with a guy who 4 home runs last year. That'll fix everything.

The Pirates have scored two runs in their past four postseason games, all losses.

McCutchen was 1 for 15 with a walk in those games.

He needs protection behind him, not two dreamers in front of him. 

I mean, Josh Harrison could very well be that corner outfielder the Pirates are looking for. Where will he fit in the lineup? Nowhere that Rob Rossi states needs help, because he can't hit cleanup nor can he play first base, but dangle Starling Marte, lose a few home runs in the outfield and then get that great power hitting first baseman the Pirates need so badly. I mean, this great hitting first baseman would have to hit 15 more home runs than Pedro Alvarez hit last year to make up for the loss of Alvarez and Marte (replacing Marte with Harrison in the outfield, 15 home runs are left on the table and then the Pirates trade Alvarez...therefore to replace the power production of Marte and Alvarez the new first baseman would have to hit 15 more home runs than Alvarez did), but I'm sure that won't be an issue. First basemen who hit 40+ homers are easy to find, right? 

Protection is always costly.

Nobody ever regretted paying that cost, though. 

"Nobody" ever regretted paying that cost? You may want to check with the Padres before making this statement. I'm pretty sure they are one of a few teams who have regretted paying for lineup protection. 

Huntington shouldn't hesitate to invest in what remains of McCutchen's prime.

Whatever the cost, it's worth it for the Pirates finally to find that first baseman who can bat fourth. 

And then, once the Pirates find a first baseman who can bat cleanup, this means Gerrit Cole and Andrew McCutchen will no longer be useless bums. Cole will magically turn into an ace and McCutchen will start producing magic moments. It's weird how their teammates improvement will make them individually seen as better baseball players. 

Then let's see what their franchise player can do in a fourth postseason.

He'll probably just hit singles and spend his time on the bench looking online for earrings at fancy jewelry shops in the Pittsburgh area. You know how McCutchen do.

Friday, October 23, 2015

4 comments Gregg Participates in Using the Same Hyper Specificity of Numbers He Criticizes Others for Using

In the comments of the TMQ post for last week some of us were trying to guess what the topic would be for this week's TMQ. It's not hard to guess, since he essentially just rotates a few topics on a weekly basis. Yet, I was still wrong. I thought TMQ would be about concussions, since another high school football player died over the past week. I was wrong. Gregg has repeated a different topic in this TMQ. It's the annual, "Look at how many points are being scored" TMQ, followed by the later season "I can't believe the defenses caught up with the offense" TMQ. So Gregg (again) talks about how many points are being scored in college and NFL football these days. He talks about it on a smaller level every week, much like he talks about the same topics every week in TMQ, but this week he is writing more than a paragraph about how pass-wacky and points-crazy football has become.

The football scoreboard won’t stop spinning.

Says Gregg Easterbrook every single year in TMQ.

So far this season, N.F.L. games are averaging 46.6 total points. That’s up from 45.2 points per game in 2014 and 41.2 points per game a decade ago.

Gregg used to write an entire TMQ dedicated to hyper specificity and how numbers shouldn't be rounded out to too many decimal points. For example, he likes to mock the time difference in an athlete who runs a 4.39 and 4.32 40-yard dash. He'll often write things like, "How do they know the difference in 0.07 seconds?" or write something sarcastic about how the 40-yard dash should be 4.39614 seconds. Gregg also likes to make fun of statistics that might say an NBA team hits a three-point shot every possession, with him saying, "How do you go down the floor 0.6 times?" and believing himself to be the smartest and most clever human on the planet for being snarky about this.

Well, knowing that...I have to ask how the fuck an NFL game scan feature 46.6 points? Is there a 0.6 field goal or an extra 0.6 point that I'm not aware of? Are certain touchdowns only worth a percentage of 6 points?

This is typical Gregg Easterbrook. He goes to great lengths to criticize hyper specificity in the use of statistics, yet has no issue with using hyper specificity himself when using statistics. The "unsophisticated" will laugh at his jokes about an athlete running a 4.562874 second 40-yard dash, but he hopes they won't notice that Gregg uses the same types of statistics he likes to criticize in TMQ. Gregg is special, so he can talk about an NFL game featuring 46.6 total points, while mocking another writer for claiming an NBA team hits a three-point shot every 3.6 possession. The rules, as written by Gregg Easterbrook, do not apply to Gregg Easterbrook.

Big-time college football, where Baylor and West Virginia just combined for 100 points, spins the scoreboard faster: 27 Division I programs are averaging more points per game than the highest-scoring N.F.L. club, the Patriots at 36.6.

HOW CAN AN NFL TEAM SCORE 36.6 POINTS IN A GAME? I'M GREGG EASTERBROOK AND I LIKE TO CRITICIZE OTHERS FOR THE THINGS THAT I MYSELF DO. 

One-hundred twenty-four Division I programs — that’s 97 percent — are averaging more points per game than the lowest-scoring N.F.L. team, the 49ers. North Texas, Old Dominion, Vanderbilt, Army, the Roadrunners of the University of Texas at San Antonio: All score more than the Niners.

What a coincidence! 96.8%, make that 97%, of NFL teams are also scoring more points per game than the lowest scoring NFL team. That's so weird isn't it? It's almost like college teams score more points, but the percentage of teams that score more than the 49ers doesn't change regardless of whether that team is in the NFL or Division I NCAA.

You know Gregg didn't look up the percentage of NFL teams that score more than the 49ers and was very proud of himself when he saw the 97% number that showed how many Division I teams score more points than the lowest scoring NFL team. It means SO MUCH and proves how high-scoring college football is. He just forgot to look at the percentage of NFL teams who are also outscoring the 49ers. Whoops!

The fad for hurry-up tactics and rules changes designed to encourage pass completions are some of the reasons. But there’s an often overlooked factor: New safety rules favor offense.

This is literally one of the most cited reasons for why NFL offensive scoring is at an all-time high. Defensive players and other NFL analysts have stated over and over and over and over again that the NFL has taken steps to protect offensive players and it makes it more difficult for defensive players to do their job. Yes, the new rule changes to encourage completions are a reason for increased offense as well, but the fact the safety rules favor the offense is also often cited as a reason also. Perhaps Gregg believes if he just says this is an overlooked factor then it will suddenly become true and he won't be wrong. 

The most common deliberate helmet-to-helmet hit was by a safety against a receiver on a crossing pattern; a linebacker using his helmet as a weapon against a ball carrier was second-most common.

Now this form of contact is illegal, which benefits offense; especially, assisting the short-passing tactics that have proliferated.

Right. The short-passing tactics have proliferated because of the new rules. Hence, the new safety rules that favor the offense is not an overlooked factor in the increased offense. 

Sunday night at Indianapolis, the Patriots’ Julian Edelman repeatedly ran “low crossers,” short patterns directly in front of Tom Brady, who targeted 10 throws Edelman’s way.

One of the overlooked reasons why the Patriots are so good on offense is that Julian Edelman finds a way to get open on these short crossing patterns. No one ever thought of this before I broached this subject right now. 

Only once on these 10 targets was Edelman hit in the helmet. A decade ago, he would have absorbed several deliberate helmet-to-helmet impacts when prancing over the middle in this fashion; a generation ago, he would have been drilled in the head or the back even after an incompletion sailed past.

Right. NFL receivers aren't as afraid to run a route over the middle of the field, which means the middle of the field becomes more open in the passing game, which means there will be more scoring, which means offense will increase, and because this is the widely known result then the new safety rules that favor the offense is not overlooked. 

The rules need to become stricter still, especially at the high school level, where the most football is played.

But football’s safety initiatives are in almost every case a boon to the offense. Let the scoreboard spin!

But who knew the new safety rules were having such an effect on scoring? It's such an overlooked factor!

Sweet Play of the Week. Denver’s Aqib Talib sprinted 63 yards for an interception return touchdown at Cleveland, the Broncos’ third pick-six of the young season. Not only was the play sweet — the Broncos’ defense has allowed nine touchdowns while scoring four, a net of just five touchdowns for the opposition in six games. Denver’s No. 2 overall defensive ranking is the key to the Broncos’ 6-0 start.

Is this the highly-drafted, highly-paid glory boy Aqib Talib that returned this interception for a touchdown? Interesting how Gregg leaves off the draft position of Talib. We know Gregg wouldn't leave off the draft position of Talib or any of the other members of the Broncos defense if they were lowly-drafted or undrafted players. The Broncos defense starts four 1st round picks and a 2nd round pick, while having two 1st round picks as backups. Naturally, Gregg leaves out that the No. 2 overall defense in the NFL has six 1st round picks making a contribution to the team. 

Later in this TMQ, Gregg will mention the draft position of the Patriots offensive players, but when he doesn't have a point to prove about how great undrafted players are, then Gregg feels it isn't necessary to note the draft position of a team's offensive/defensive unit.

But Peyton Manning’s fade is accelerating. He has seven touchdown passes versus 10 interceptions, a ratio that is not sustainable.

No, this ratio is absolutely sustainable. The ratio isn't sustainable if the Broncos want to keep winning football games, but overall, this ratio of throwing more interceptions than touchdown is sustainable. Manning could keep doing this. 

He’s been “throwing with his body,” a bad sign.

Gregg must have read this somewhere and then repeated it here in order to make it seem like he knew what he was talking about. This is too much like analysis for me to believe Gregg thought of this himself. 

In overtime at Cleveland, Manning tossed the ball directly to the wonderfully named Browns linebacker Barkevious Mingo, as if Mingo were running the pattern.

And what round was Barkevious Mingo drafted in? The first round. This would be relevant if Mingo was undrafted or was considered "unwanted" by Gregg, but because he was drafted in the 1st round, Gregg fails to mention this little fact. Only undrafted players get their draft position noted, because Gregg wants his readers to believe undrafted players produce more than highly-drafted players produce.

Sour Recurring Play of the Week. A week ago versus Cincinnati, Seattle’s vaunted Legion of Boom secondary twice simply ignored a tight end running straight up the field, leaving him uncovered for a touchdown. Now it’s Seahawks 23, Panthers 20 with 36 seconds remaining, Carolina ball on the Seattle 26, Panthers out of timeouts. Carolina tight end Greg Olsen runs straight up the field, the “seam” route on which a good tight end is most dangerous.

This is the route in which a good tight end is most dangerous. Don't be confused when Gregg claims a good tight end is most dangerous when lined up to the far side of the field with single coverage on him. In that situation, a good tight end is most dangerous regardless of the route he runs. So whatever route that a good tight end runs from whatever position on/off the line of scrimmage that results in a touchdown is the route in which a good tight end is most dangerous. It changes based on what point Gregg is trying to prove at that very moment. 

No Seattle defender so much as attempted to cover Olsen, who caught the winning pass. The highly hyped Seattle secondary stars Richard Sherman and Earl Thomas were yelling and gesturing at each other about who was to blame before the play was even over.

I laugh a little bit at the Seahawks blaming coaching (and anyone but themselves) for the loss, but it seems there were two play calls given to the Seahawks defenders, so that's probably why Thomas and Sherman were gesturing to each other. The crowd noise prevented the Seahawks from getting the correct play call, so that's the reason for the confusion. One could ask how the Panthers got a play call in (late as it may be) and the Seahawks couldn't manage to do the same at home, but the truth is Thomas and Sherman were blaming each other because they didn't know at that point there had been two defensive plays called. So they really both believed the other screwed up.

This is a good example of what I've said on repeat, which is that defensive players can't just freelance like Gregg thinks they can. A defensive player can't just run back into zone coverage when the defensive called for is man coverage, despite what Gregg will claim when he criticizes a defender for not "covering" the offensive player. Gregg doesn't seem to understand defensive players have to all work in concert with each other based on the play call or else the defense will be extra shitty.

Stretching back to the Super Bowl, the Seahawks, whose trademark is monster defense, have been unable to hold fourth-quarter leads in five of their last seven outings. Since kickoff of the Super Bowl, Seattle is minus-48 points in the fourth quarter and overtime.

The Seahawks have been traditionally very good at holding leads late in the game, so sometimes the balance shifts back the other way. Perhaps that is what is being seen now. 

As for the Colts play — ye gods. Indianapolis lined up to punt, then nine guys shifted far wide in a variation of the swinging-gate PAT look. In the center of the field were the snapper and safety Colt Anderson.

Doesn't Gregg mean "undrafted, unwanted safety Colt Anderson"? I guess not. 

The whole point of a swinging gate is if the defense doesn’t put enough guys in front of the snapper, then run straight ahead; if the defense puts enough guys in front of the snapper, then pitch sideways where blockers exceed defenders. New England positioned four guys in front of the snapper, meaning one to block four. Yet the Colts chose the up-the-middle move: instant loss of yardage.

You just can't trust undrafted players to make smart decisions in important situations like this. Doesn't Gregg know this?

Not clear what, if anything, the Colts were thinking. Sour.

Griff Whalen went to Stanford and Colt Anderson went to Montana, so these players from non-football factories just don't know how to act in tough situations. It's not their fault, but if they were from football factory schools then they may have a better idea of how to think better in tight games against elite competition. 

Stats of the Week. The Panthers are on a 9-0 streak in the regular season.

I'm glad he clarified "regular season" or else everyone would have thought the Panthers won the Super Bowl last year. 

BOLO of the Week. All units, all units, be on the lookout for defensive lineman Marcell Dareus, accused of football grand larceny. Just before the season, he signed a contract with $60 million guaranteed; so far he has one sack.

A couple of things: 

1. Dareus does get sacks, but it's not his entire job as a DT or DE in a 3-4 defense. He does other things to earn his contract. 

2. Dareus states that he has been dropped back into coverage a lot and hasn't had the chances to get sacks. Whether it is true or not, I'm not sure, but it's hard to get sacks as a DT/DE if you are being dropped back into coverage rather than consistently rushing the quarterback.

What Makes Samuel L. Jackson and Cobie Smulders Hill Fly? The tiny drones that are driving everyone crazy can float on four downward-facing fans because their payloads, typically a camera and transmitter, weigh so little. In Marvel’s Avengers movies, S.H.I.E.L.D. has a flying aircraft carrier that uses four downward-facing fans. How big would the fans need to be to lift an actual aircraft carrier?

TMQ is shorter this year and Gregg still has to kill space. Unbelievably believable. 

Assume S.H.I.E.L.D. engineers used minimum-weight criteria to trim the helicarrier weight to 50,000 tons. Assume that the fans themselves have no mass, generate no drag, and that their power source is weightless — maybe they run on arc reactors. How big would four downward-facing fans need to be to lift 50,000 tons? Tweet your calculation to @EasterbrookG.

They would need to be as big as Gregg's ego multiplied by how many times Gregg has misled or lied to his readers. That's some big fans. 

Hire an Orangutan. Steve Spurrier just resigned as South Carolina coach: The boosters were in an uproar because the Gamecocks were 2-4. 

This is what I talk about when I say Gregg misleads his readers. The way Gregg writes this sentence indicates that Spurrier resigned because the boosters were in an uproar, when this isn't entirely the truth. Spurrier was 70 years old, so he wasn't going to be coaching for much longer anyway. I don't know, and Gregg doesn't know, if the boosters being in an uproar caused his resignation. Everything I've read says this isn't true, especially since Spurrier is one of the most successful coaches in South Carolina history. Gregg tries to tie the boosters in with Spurrier's resignation when I don't think this is the truth.

Steve Sarkisian just got the heave-ho at U.S.C.: He’d appeared in public seeming to be drunk, but the real issue may be that boosters were in an uproar over the Trojans merely being 12-6 with the whistle around his neck.

No Gregg, the real issue is that Steve Sarkisian has a really bad drinking problem and became an embarrassment to the university. So he got fired for bringing embarrassment to the school and now he is allowed time to face the severe drinking problem he seems to have. I really doubt USC fired Sarkisian because of his 12-6 more than they fired him because he seems to be an alcoholic. Also, "the real issue may be...," is some mealy-mouth language that Gregg would normally criticize when seen in the writing of others. 

These three coaching changes share in common what T.M.Q. calls the Orangutan Theory of Division 1: that football-factory programs have such incredible built-in advantages in recruiting power and gimmick schedules that an orangutan should be able to lead one to bowl eligibility.

Except it doesn't work that way at all. Before hiring Steve Spurrier, South Carolina had a problem keeping elite talent in state, had 10 winning seasons since 1980 and had won 10 games or more once in the history of the program. These so-called football factory teams have an advantage in money, but that doesn't always translate to success on the field without the right players and coach. 

Not only do the top recruits flock to prestige programs like South Carolina and U.S.C., but they also play under gimmick conditions...Such schedules are as if the Denver Broncos played twice as many games at home as away, and one of the home games was against an Arena League team.

Right, but if every NFL team played an Arena League team? Then the playing field would be somewhat leveled. I'm not defending how college teams schedule, but it's important to know that recruits don't just flock to a school. Elite recruits didn't flock to South Carolina before Steve Spurrier was there. Gregg remembers it that way now, because he's used to how things are with Steve Spurrier as the head coach, but it's not always been that way. 

In the wake of the Spurrier and Sarkisian departures, the sports world — “SportsCenter,” Sports Illustrated, ESPN’s “College GameDay” — wondered when glory would return to these programs. Unless I missed it, not a word was said about the educational goals that are the ostensible purpose of the universities in question.

That's because it is a show called "SportsCenter" and "College GameDay" and a magazine called "Sports Illustrated." If these shows were called "AcademicCenter" or "College Educational GoalsDay" or "Academics Illustrated" then Gregg would have a point. They aren't called that, so Gregg has no point. These shows and this magazine are about sports. For better or worse, discussing the academic goals of the university is not a part of the discussion. Sports are what the discussion on these shows and in this magazine revolves around. 

Spurrier’s team had a 51 percent graduation rate, including a 46 percent rate for African-Americans. He should have been given the boot for exploiting players without ensuring their educations: Instead all the boosters and the networks seemed to care about was his won-loss ratio. South Carolina is an SEC school. CBS has the contract for that conference, and benefits when the Gamecocks win. Where is the “60 Minutes” segment on SEC football graduation rates?

This 51% graduation rate and 46% graduation rate for African-Americans are irrelevant without knowing the five year graduation rate of the South Carolina student body and for African-Americans at the university. What if the five year graduation rate at South Carolina is 47% or the five year graduation rate of African-Americans is 37%? All of a sudden, 51% and 46% look pretty good for a graduation rate. Naturally, Gregg doesn't provide the five year graduation rate for South Carolina because either (a) he's not smart enough to realize it gives context to the point he wants to prove or (b) it would make his point about the graduation rate of football players under Steve Spurrier seem weak. Gregg is not above misleading his readers when faced with information he doesn't think proves what he wants to have proven.

Sarkisian’s team was graduating 47 percent of players, including 38 percent of African-Americans; Kiffin’s team had a 48 percent graduation rate, including 39 percent for African-American players. ESPN and Fox, which broadcast Pac-12 football, devoted lots of air time to the recruiting and ranking ramifications of the Kiffin and Sarkisian dismissals. Did either so much as mention graduation rates?

Again, without the context of the graduation rate for the student body as a whole, these numbers don't mean a hell of a lot. Also, ESPN and FOX broadcast Pac-12 football. They broadcast sports, so that's why they don't mention academics. Is this really such a difficult point to understand? 

And yet many big football programs exploit African-American football players for profit without giving them the level of support to get the bachelor’s degree that is most people’s ticket into the middle class, or even distract them from education by demanding all their time and effort go into football. In many cases the boosters and boards of trustees don’t care, and the sports broadcasting world, which takes a cut of the exploitation, stays silent.

Yes, that's how it works. Much like I criticize what Gregg writes in TMQ, while the company that takes a cut of the revenue TMQ brings in (haha...I can't imagine it does bring too much revenue in), stays silent on how Gregg will mislead his readers.

Throw to the Dancing Tree! This week’s favorite YouTube play is the Francis Owusu catch against U.C.L.A. The Bruins gained 505 yards on offense and lost by 21 points. Over in the Big Ten, Rutgers defeated Indiana, 55-52; the Hoosiers gained 627 yards and lost. Such stats are contemporary college football in a nutshell.

In the highlight video, check the dancing tree in the background. How come N.F.L. teams don’t have dancing trees?

Because no NFL team has a dancing tree as their mascot. That seems like the simplest and most correct answer. 

As part of the general conservatism of N.F.L. coaches, most rarely send an all-out rush against a punter. Often, only a few rushers make a halfhearted gesture. During the contested portion of the same game, New Orleans punted twice: Atlanta sent seven against one punt and five against the other. Viewers and spectators tend to yawn during N.F.L. punts. But watch the rush — it’s usually a token effort, and rarely an all-out attempt to block the kick.

NFL teams want to set up a return. That's what they want to do. When a team rushes at the punter in an attempt to block the punt then they run the risk of roughing the punter or running into the punter. Also, they can't set up a punt return if they try to block the punt, which is something a team likes to do in order to get better field position. 

On the final down of the Michigan State-Michigan game, the Spartans rushed 10. This might have made the punter, who dropped the snap, nervous. He might never have seen a 10-man rush. In standard-punt fashion, Michigan players brushed the defender in front of them, then headed downfield to cover the punt. As the kicker dropped the snap, there were three Wolverines trying to protect him from 10 Spartans.

This was a completely different situation because there was only 10 seconds left in the game and Michigan State had to block the punt in order to have a chance at winning the game. Setting up a return did not matter, because they were going to lose if they didn't block the punt. So comparing this situation to any other situation where there ISN'T 10 seconds left is to misunderstand situational strategy and why Michigan State sent 10 players to block the punt. Gregg consistently misunderstands situational strategy and how a strategy may be effective in one situation, but not in another situation. 

4th Down Bot Jumps Out of His Treads to Cheer for Michigan State. T.M.Q. feels the Spartans’ improbable last-play victory was the football gods rewarding Michigan State for going for it four times on fourth down. Though none of the tries succeeded, this was bold — and fortune favors the bold. 

Gregg is very tenuously trying to tie the Spartans going for it on fourth down four times with them winning the game. Of course, if the Spartans didn't block this punt (or cause the punter to fumble), then Gregg would have not mentioned at all how many times Michigan State went for it on fourth down because it would not have gone to prove his point. In a world where Michigan State doesn't win this game, but they went for it on fourth down four times, Gregg would simply leave out how many times they went for it on fourth down. Fortune didn't favor the bold and Gregg is full of shit by insisting this is always true. Instead, Gregg is full of shit because he insists that going for it on fourth down helped the Spartans win this football game. It was a fumbled punt that helped the Spartans win this football game.

Leading, 23-21, Michigan faced fourth-and-2 on the Michigan State 47 with 10 seconds remaining. Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh called a timeout to weigh his options. The worst was the one Harbaugh chose, a standard punt with the blockers abandoning the punter to sprint downfield. Other options:

Michigan could have kept in 10 men to defend the punter, 

And then punted the football. Maybe Harbaugh was afraid Michigan State would get a good return and have a field goal opportunity. This was the best choice though. 

and instructed him to punt out of bounds. The Wolverines could have gone for it, and if failing to convert, defend a passing heave from midfield.

Okay, no. But even if Michigan had kept 50 guys back to defend the punter then there is a chance he still would have dropped the ball. Also, I'm not trusting a college punter to kick the ball out of bounds, nor am I going for it on fourth down and letting Michigan State have a chance for a heave from midfield. 

Michigan could have put 10 blockers around the quarterback and instructed him to hold the ball as long as possible, then hurl it high toward the Spartans’ end zone. The clock probably would have expired with the ball in the air.

Yes, but if the clock doesn't expire with the ball in the air then Michigan State is in perfect field goal range. There are so many things that could go wrong here. I'm not even sure how Michigan could have put 10 blockers around the quarterback and still snap the football. Wouldn't they need to have guys lined up on the line of scrimmage prior to the snap? So if a receiver or offensive lineman starts running back to defend the quarterback from pass rushers, there is a good chance a blitzing Michigan State linebacker or a corner could beat the Michigan player back before he got a chance to set up and defend the quarterback. 

And throwing the ball in the air with the hopes time expires while it's in the air and a Michigan State player doesn't catch it? What kind of bullshit is that? 

But the primary factor surely is that big-money coaches are conditioned to do the “safe” thing and send in the kicker. That way the players are blamed — today everyone blames the Michigan punter — rather than Harbaugh, who botched the call.

It sort of is the Michigan punter's fault. He had to catch the ball and then punt it. Somehow Gregg doesn't trust the Michigan punter to catch the ball and punt it, but he trusts the Michigan punter to kick the ball out of bounds and trusts the Michigan quarterback to run around and heave the ball up in the air as time expires. These are less "safe" things to do, so they are obviously better decisions. 

New England’s continuing offensive success — the Patriots are No. 1 in scoring, No. 2 in yards — comes despite the fact that the Patriots have no receiver drafted in the first round and, with tackle Nate Solder injured, no one on offense who was a first-round selection. If the M.V.P. vote were held today, T.M.Q.’s ballot would be cast for the Flying Elvii undrafted rookie free-agent center David Andrews.

And this would be ridiculous because David Andrews is the member of an offensive line that has five members who all work best in concert with each other, thereby making it difficult to know which of these offensive lineman is the best individually. There are ways to tell which offensive lineman is performing well, but we all know Gregg pays zero attention to these metrics. He sees Andrews is on a good offensive line and that he is undrafted, so thereby awards him the MVP. 

Manly Man Play of the Week. New Orleans leading Atlanta 17-7 in the third quarter, facing fourth-and-goal on the Falcons’ 2, the hosts go for it, touchdown, and never look back...To avoid criticism, N.F.L. coaches usually do the “safe” thing in this situation. Engaging a risk — a mild risk, considering — may have helped Sean Payton revive the Saints’ season.

Or it may not have helped Sean Payton revive the Saints' season. One thing is for sure, if the Saints season is revived then it has nothing to do with how the Saints are playing out on the football field, but has everything to do with the Saints going for it on fourth down here. Because fortune favors the bold, unless the Michigan punter doesn't drop the football against Michigan State, in which case fortune does not favor the bold. Naturally. 

Manly Man Postscript. The Colts tried everything they could to snap their losing streak versus New England — onside kick, fake punt, three fourth-down attempts. That this game was close, while other recent Indianapolis-Patriots contests have been blowouts, shows the value of aggressive tactics. New England is clearly the better team, but playing aggressive kept the Colts close.

This is how full of shit Gregg is. He claims fortune favors the bold. Fine, I like teams that take risks too, but Gregg wants his readers to believe if a team is bold then that team will win the game. This is how Gregg's mind works. BUT, because the Colts were bold and still didn't win the game and everybody who follows the NFL knows this, he makes up some bullshit about how the Colts ALMOST won the game because they were bold. So apparently this isn't really a loss for the Colts because they were bold. Fortune favored the bold and playing aggressive kept the Colts close, so it was almost like a win, thereby proving Gregg's point correct. Gregg is now so desperate he's trying to claim fortune favors the bold in simply keeping a football game close. Keep lowering that bar in order to prove your ridiculous black and white theories correct, Gregg.

By the way, a very reasonable argument can be made if the Colts had not been so bold in trying a fake punt then they could have come away having won this game.

In all N.F.L. annals, there have been 11 contests with at least 90 points scored, most recently Broncos 51, Cowboys 48 in 2013. Contrast that to Baylor, which since 2011 alone has appeared in 14 games in which at least 90 points were scored. The N.F.L.’s highest-scoring contest ever was Washington 72, Giants 41 in 1966. In the last five seasons, Baylor has played five games generating more points than that N.F.L. contest: West Virginia 70, Baylor 63 in 2012; Baylor 67, University of Washington 56 in 2011; Baylor 61, T.C.U. 58 in 2013; and Baylor 73, West Virginia 42 in 2013.

There are only so many ways of saying, "College football games have a lot of points scored in them," and I think Gregg has written some variation of them all at this point. 

Chip Kelly Skedaddle Watch. In September, T.M.Q. asked, “How long till Kelly skedaddles back to college?” With Kelly’s name raised in connection with the U.S.C. job — surely, not planted by his agent! — Kelly Skedaddle Watch becomes a running item.

Can it not become a running item? If Chip Kelly does fail in the NFL, the odds of him going back to college are very high. He has succeeded in college football before, so it's very natural he will end up back in college football at some point. Bill Walsh was very successful in the NFL before retiring and ending up back as the head coach of Stanford. So maybe Kelly fails in the NFL, or even succeeds, then he could still end up back coaching college football. Bill Walsh is a good example of this. Kelly going back to coaching college football after this time in Philadelphia is through means about as much as Gregg leaving an online sports site like ESPN.com for a newspaper like "The New York Times" would mean. I don't think Gregg considers himself to have skedaddled back to a newspaper gig. Of course, the rules Gregg has for others are not rules he has for himself.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

2 comments MMQB Review: Peter King Means It This Time, He's Not Saying Andy Dalton is Totally Different, But Andy Dalton is Totally Different Edition

Peter suggested in last week's MMQB that the NFL should not drag the controversy around the Patriots deflating footballs in the AFC Championship Game (I'm trying not to write "Deflategate"...which I did just write in commenting I was trying not to write it) into 2016. This was his opinion despite the fact earlier in the NFL season Peter thought Roger Goodell should suspend Tom Brady's suspension until after the 2015 season is over so more research can be done on the effect cold temperatures have on football PSI. So Peter basically disagreed with his own suggestion. This week Peter talks about all of the old NFL players currently playing well, continues to talk about the progress of the same Bengals team that Peter says can only be rightfully judged in the postseason, has to hand it to Greg Hardy, and advocates for Leonard Fournette to stay in college because players rebound from torn ACL's all the time so no big deal and just remember not to bring up any players like Marcus Lattimore that prove Peter's point incorrect.

What an intriguing weekend. One month ago, the first Sunday of the regular season kicked off, and this is how weird the season has gotten: 

IT'S A CRAZY YEAR! All of Peter's preconceived notions prior to the season beginning have been shown to be false. Who would have ever thought this could happen? Has this ever happened before? "We" were wrong about everything that would happen.

Baltimore is four games out of first in the AFC North. Cincinnati is 5-0, Baltimore 1-4. Neither of those records is remotely fluky. The Ravens gave up 505 yards to the Browns on Sunday ... in Baltimore.

"In Baltimore" and not "away from Baltimore"?

The aged shall inherit the league. This weekend’s winning quarterbacks included Matt Hasselbeck (40) and Peyton Manning (39), both of whom were born before the newest head coach in the league, Miami’s Dan Campbell (39). Charles Woodson (39) had his first two interceptions of Manning ever on Sunday, but Manning got revenge for the 1997 Heisman voting (in order, Woodson, Manning, Ryan Leaf) with a 16-10 win. 

I'm sure Manning considers this one victory to be direct revenge on Woodson for that Heisman voting victory Woodson had 18 years ago. Sure, Woodson may have a coveted Heisman Trophy, but Peyton Manning has an NFL regular season victory over Woodson's team. Who really won the Heisman Trophy in the end?

No quarterback’s getting beat up like Russell Wilson. No coincidence Seattle is 2-3 … lots of reasons why, really, including the leaky and green offensive line. But the Seahawks are still very much alive, despite the fact Wilson has been sacked an NFL-high 22 times. 

If I'm not wrong, Wilson also tends to be among the league leaders in the time he holds the football before throwing a pass. So the Seahawks offensive line stinks, but Wilson may just have to try and get rid of the ball faster. Or he could play a potentially mediocre Panthers team who are missing their best pass rusher and get to play them at home this upcoming Sunday. That may help him and the Seahawks as well.

The Lions yanked Matthew Stafford for Dan Orlovsky while being routed by Arizona Sunday. Crowd at Ford Field: BOOOOOOOOOO. I repeat: Stafford out, Orlovsky in. Stafford healthy. Stafford stinking it up at an RG3 2013 level. Coach Jim Caldwell said Stafford was the starter, and there is no controversy. “It's like a pitcher not having a very good day,” Caldwell said of his quarterback. “That pitcher comes out and, obviously, he's still the starter.” 

Jim Caldwell is to blame for everything obviously. I warned people about him. He can't sustain or build on a team's success. His head coaching record doesn't lie.


The leading rushers in Week 5 would have made you titter a month ago.
Player, Team Draft Status Week 5 Total
1. Thomas Rawls, Seattle Undrafted rookie, Central Michigan 169 yards
2. Todd Gurley, St. Louis Rookie, 10th pick overall, Georgia 159 yards
3. Devonta Freeman, Atlanta Fourth-round pick, 2014, Fla. State 153 yards

I don't think I will ever "titter" and did Peter even look up this definition before writing the word? Titter means:

to laugh in a restrained, self-conscious, or affected way, as from nervousness or in ill-suppressed amusement.

Why would I laugh nervously about this? Why would I express ill-suppressed amusement by which players led the NFL in rushing yards during Week 5? If I read Todd Gurley had the second most running yards then I would not be suppressing amusement. Devonta Freeman wouldn't surprise me either. In what world does Peter think Gurley and Freeman were seen as asshole bums who couldn't run the football prior to this season starting?

We’re going to start in a heartwarming place this morning: in Cleveland, where the quarterback of the 2010 Hartford Colonials just might have done enough to earn a spot on a wall he considers hallowed in a room in Berea, Ohio. 

Josh McCown won a regular season game for the Browns. Crown his ass because he is what we thought he was!

Josh McCown probably should have taken his gold watch last year. Nice career, meandering from Arizona to Detroit to Carolina to Hartford of the United Football League to coaching high school football to Chicago to Tampa Bay last year. At 35, coming off a very good five-start stretch for Chicago in 2013, McCown was going to be the Bucs’ bridge to the future. But offensive coordinator Jeff Tedford fell ill before the season, never was right during the year, and the offense was in shambles, and the offensive line was the worst in football, and McCown played poorly.

"Poorly" is probably a nice way of saying how McCown played in 2014. He was 32nd in QB rating, 31st in completion percentage, threw three more interceptions than touchdowns, and in an offense with Mike Evans and Vincent Jackson was 31st in yards per attempt. He was Blake Bortles-bad, except he didn't have the excuse given for him that he was young and so it was okay for him to suck.

“But I just thought, ‘This isn’t the best I can be. I don’t want to go out like that. I don’t want to be a one-hit wonder from Chicago—I know I’m capable of doing that,’” he said Sunday night. “I just knew I could do it again, and my wife was super supportive.” 

She probably didn't want to deal with McCown being around the house all the time from the age of 35 until he dies. Well, that and a little bit more money never hurt anyone.

McCown signed, won the starting job in camp, and led the Browns on a 17-play drive on the first possession of the season at the Jets. He was concussed on play 17, trying to dive for the end zone. Johnny Football time. Manziel had some moments, and beat the Titans in Week 2, and the locals were frenzied. Cleveland wanted Johnny. And this old-fashioned McCown understood.

"The old-fashioned" McCown understood this. What I love about Peter's writing is you never have to wonder if he personally likes a player or not. His wording will always tip you off to where his opinion falls on a player. Josh McCown is just an old-fashioned guy trying to make it in a young man's sport, a sport where assholes like Josh Freeman get all the publicity when they are PERSONALLY responsible for getting some of Peter's BEST FRIENDS fired and don't seem to give a shit one way or another.

“I was heartbroken after that long drive against the Jets, because I thought we’d have a big day,” he said. “But people don’t understand—you sign with a team, and you’re there to serve your team. If you’re called on to play, you play. If you’re not playing, you help your team in other ways. So my job until I played again, if I played again, was to help Johnny be the best. The organization picked this young man in the first round and has high hopes for him—still does. So I wanted to help him.”

That sounds trite, honestly. You’re tempted not to buy it. But I know it’s the way McCown feels, because I’ve heard it from him before—about Jay Cutler, about Mike Glennon—and because he has this weird attitude that quite a few players don’t. Team guy. 

I am in a fucking titter right now hearing about what a team guy McCown is. He's precocious in all the right ways, old-fashioned in the ways that please Peter and he puts you in a titter with his modesty and team spirit. I would write him in as my choice for President of the United States, but he's just too fucking good to run this country.

“My wife and I went to couple of the NBA Finals games here in the spring,” he said. “We’re walking downtown and we thought, ‘Wouldn’t it be great if this would happen with the Browns?’

Yes, it would be great if the Cleveland Browns made the NBA Finals. If the Browns made the NBA Finals then that would put me all in a titter. I would be so titterful at that point.

Baltimore up 21-9. McCown, methodical, with 75 and 79-yard drives to put Cleveland up 22-21. The second touchdown came on the strangest TD catch you’ll ever see. From the Ravens’ 18, McCown, pressured, lofted one to tight end Gary Barnidge at the goal line. He jumped with a Ravens’ defender, and Barnidge ended up falling, the ball near his feet. As he fell, Barnidge kept the ball off the ground between his legs but not touching his hands; somehow it never touched the ground and he was able to pop it back into his hands while lying on the goal line.

It was an ass-grab catch, which by the way, is Peter's favorite type of catch. This is simply because Peter's favorite thing is to play grab-ass with some of his favorite white quarterbacks in MMQB. Josh McCown wins a road game for the Browns and Peter turns him into the greatest quarterback in Browns history.

The catch counted. But back came Baltimore. They traded touchdowns again—Ravens up 27-22, then Cleveland up 30-27—and Justin Tucker’s field goal with 25 seconds left tied it going into overtime.

Now, the Browns are not set up to be a throwing team. With Josh Gordon suspended for the year and a solid run-blocking line, coach Mike Pettine was to be pretty egalitarian run-pass. But it hasn’t worked out that way in the past three weeks. Since McCown has taken the reins back, Cleveland has called pass plays on a remarkable 72 percent of the snaps. “When I came here, I was thinking maybe 30 throws a game,” McCown said. “But in our quarterback room, we have the attitude that we don’t have to be babysitters.

Well, the quarterbacks don't have to be babysitters because the Browns think that Johnny Manziel NEEDS a babysitter. I mean, he can't babysit himself can he?

When it was over, McCown saw the incredible numbers: 36 of 51, 457 yards, two touchdowns, no picks.

The Browns were founded 69 years ago. Through Otto Graham and a succession of pre-nineties very good passers, and through the Browns’ rebirth, no quarterback ever had a regular-season game like this one. No Brown ever threw for as many yards.

That is very impressive. There's no snark there. I think the Browns deserve a competent quarterback on their roster.

“Now, we have a quarterback room, and the Browns have these murals on the walls with all the great quarterbacks, back to Otto Graham, and Frank Ryan, Brian Sipe, Bernie Kosar. You see the history in there. It’s cool. And I’ve sat there and I’ve thought, ‘Wouldn’t it be cool to be on that wall someday, and have the respect of the next generation of quarterbacks in this room?’ That would mean something to me.”

McCown might be getting a little bit ahead of himself here, but that's okay. Let's aim for a winning season first?

This morning, I want to focus briefly on the progress of the Bengals.

Yes, focus on the progress of the Bengals and Andy Dalton, all while acknowledging you have said previously the true judgment of the Bengals and Dalton won't be made until after the season. If the Bengals struggle in the playoffs again then Peter will write, "Once again the Bengals fool everyone into thinking they can contend for a Super Bowl spot" because the Bengals were strong in the regular season again. It's like Peter is a lemming who knows how the Bengals should be judged, but he just can't stop himself from jumping off the cliff with the other sports media in writing stories about how "This is a totally different Bengals team!" when they all along said the Bengals and Andy Dalton should be judged on the postseason.

Simply, Sunday’s game was not one this team would have won in the past three or four years.

Sure, why not? I feel like this has been written repeatedly before about the Bengals. "THIS IS A NEW BENGALS TEAM!" Then they struggle again in the playoffs and it's all Andy Dalton's fault.

The depth of his offensive weapons is as good as any quarterback has in football. And the Bengals have good team shrinks for Dalton, pumping him up when so many in the public are down on him for his 0-4 playoff record.

Andy Dalton isn't mentally capable of pulling himself out of a funk, so it's great that there are team shrinks available to do it for him. He's fragile, which is how Peter wants to think of him.

From talking to Hue Jackson last week, I understood the Bengals weren’t going to be afraid of doing new/different stuff against the Super Bowl-veteran Seahawks. 

Hue Jackson isn't afraid to do a lot of different stuff. He's the guy who has a wide receiver throwing passes to Andy Dalton. He's actually a really good offensive coordinator and probably deserves a shot at another head coaching job.

Midway through the third quarter, the game was slipping away. Seattle was up 17-7, and the momentum was all Seahawks. Jackson sent in a play of trickeration. Running back Rex Burkhead came hard from left to right on a sweep in front of Dalton, who handed to him, and immediately Michael Bennett—who sniffs out everything—

Everything. If someone farts in the locker room, Michael Bennett can sniff out exactly whose ass it is that smells.

banged into Burkhead, dislodging the ball. Bobby Wagner picked it up, ran 23 yards, and scored. Seattle led 24-7.

“Very bad call on my part,” Jackson said Sunday night. “I should never have called it. You could see how they were rushing and getting some penetration. They were ferocious. So I felt bad, and when Andy came to the sidelines, he said, ‘Coach, lotta time left. Don’t worry. We’re gonna win this game.’ ”

It's a good thing the Bengals have all these team shrinks to help keep Dalton positive or else he would have really been down in the dumps after this play was over. Thank God someone was there to pick Dalton up.

That, Jackson said, is what a leader says. It’s what Dalton said to his offensive mates on the sideline too—whether he believed it or not. The comeback began on what I thought was an amazing play call. On the first drive of the game, from the Seattle 14, Dalton sent Eifert—a better and more reliable pass-catcher and route-runner, with better hands, than last year’s tight end, Jermaine Gresham—up the left seam, and strong safety Kam Chancellor passed him back to a gap in the coverage that no one covered. Easy touchdown. “Through the game,” Jackson said, “I could see the adjustment hadn’t been made by Seattle. I don’t call the same play down there very often at all. But I saw something, and so we called it again.”

Mike Shula doesn't see what the big deal is. He calls the same play like three or four times a game. In fact, he only has 15 plays in his playbook, so he HAS to call the same play over and over. Sometimes he changes the formation though and has Cam quarterback sneak left rather than right though.

The chemistry now is so good in Cincinnati. Dalton (mostly) is kept clean to make the right decisions. His coordinator knows what the quarterback does well, and with the rare exception of the Burkhead play, understands defensive concepts of teams he sees as seldom as Seattle well enough to know when he can push the envelope. And Dalton just makes the right decisions and the crisp throws—with the confidence of his team. 

Again, not to be the Debbie Downer, but the regular season has never been the issue for Andy Dalton and the Bengals.

The survivor from this clash, Cincinnati, is 5-0, and though it’s too early to obsess about the standings, the Bengals have a two-and-a-half game lead over second-place Pittsburgh, which plays a tough game at San Diego tonight.

"It's too early to obsess about the standings."

(Peter King begins obsessing about where the Bengals are in the standings)

As optimistic as the Bengals were before this season, they couldn’t have dreamed of having a three-game lead over Pittsburgh and Cleveland, and a four-game edge over Baltimore, after five weeks.

Yes, the Bengals couldn't have dreamed the rest of the AFC North wouldn't be very good. Peter doesn't want to obsess over the standings, but the Bengals have pretty much won the AFC North already, right?

Dolphins interim coach Dan Campbell was near the end of a 30-minute conversation with me on Saturday. I felt like I was being coached for about half of it, with Campbell sometimes lapsing into coach-speak, like I was one of his players: We gotta get off to better starts! We gotta get manageable second downs! But then, at the end, I asked him what he wanted Dolphins fans to know about this perennially disappointing franchise, and what the Campbell regime, however long it lasts, had planned.

"We're just going to bro-out man, that's all. Bro-ing out is the way this team is making it to the playoffs. Give some skin."

“I would say this,” Campbell, 39, said ominously. “We’re about to wake the sleeping giant.”

Pause. Then nothing.

Okay, Dan. Have a good day!  End of interview.

He was asleep. Campbell said they are "about" to wake a sleeping giant, so obviously the giant isn't awake quite yet. It's definitely waking up though.

I brought up to him how incredible it is and how much an indictment of the talent-laden team it was that, after four games, Miami has been outscored 37-3 in the first quarter.

“I addressed that with our team in our first meeting,” Campbell said. “Thirty-seven to three. I said, ‘Somebody tell me what that is.’ Nobody knew. I said, ‘That’s the score in the first quarter of our games. That’s the first thing we gotta look at. How can you win games when you’re always playing from behind so fast!’”

I don't know, how can you win games when you're always playing from behind so "quickly"...not "fast". How do you do this? I don't know. I know this though, go get Ryan Tannehill some more offensive weapons, because he's going to break out one of these years. He's been due to breakout for three years now, so at some point this will happen.

Before Miami went on its long bye weekend, Campbell had one practice. Wednesday. He decided to use one of the Dolphins’ allotted 14 full-padded practices for the season for that day, and he decided to go very heavy on one-on-one competition. Receivers versus cornerbacks. Tackles versus edge rushers. Guards versus defensive tackles.

“One of the most interesting practices I have ever been to,” said the executive vice president of football operations, Mike Tannenbaum, who will be in charge of the search for a permanent coach. He made it clear Saturday that Campbell will be a candidate, and that Wednesday’s practice, showered in intensity and competition, was a good start.

And with this franchise under the direction of Mike Tannenbaum, I can't imagine what could end up going wrong, besides "nothing" of course.

When Campbell reconvenes with his team this morning at 8, that’s what he’ll stress—competition and fun. “I think I understand the NFL,” he said. “I understand players. I relate to ‘em. Not in a buddy-buddy way. Without sounding conceited, I think I can pull the best out of people. It’s not fake; it’s from the heart. I have been around some phenomenal coaches, and I know what works. A lot of people say that. But the guys I’ve learned from—Bill Parcells, Sean Payton, Mike Martz, Rod Marinelli, Mike Pope—my position coach with the Giants, a great teacher—and Tony Sparano … I think I’ve taken something from all of them.

Oh wow, that's quite the list of coaches to have learned something from. That list extends from Super Bowl winning coaches to coaches who had an 0-16 record in a season. More importantly, it doesn't list Joe Philbin, which I think speaks volumes.

“We gotta change the culture!” he said, voice rising. “We’re not just going through the motions anymore. We’re gonna be fast and we’re gonna be crisp. Hey, running the ball, running backs, you get a little crease and I want to see you put your head down and bull for two or three yards!

But only run for two or three yards. That's it. Run for two or three yards and then get tackled. It's a lesson learned at the Eddie George School of Being a Running Back. 

So the Dolphins embark on an uncertain road today. Big names will be associated with this job for the next two-plus months. I’ve said this could be Sean Payton’s last year in New Orleans, and Adam Schefter reported Sunday the Dolphins could be interested if he’s available.

They should hire Jeff Fisher, like they wanted to do back in 2012. Of course, Joe Philbin had a better record with the Dolphins than Fisher has had with the Rams, but that's beside the point.

But Tannenbaum may go more anonymous. In his year-and-a-half between Jet and Dolphin jobs, he was an agent for coaches, and he repped NBA newbies Steve Kerr and David Blatt—who made the NBA Finals in their first seasons in Golden State and Cleveland—and other small names.

Well...Steve Kerr and David Blatt took over teams that had already had elite players on the roster and Blatt even had the best basketball player on the planet on his team. So it's a comparison, but not exactly a great one. I don't see a Steph Curry or LeBron James-type player sitting on the Dolphins roster. Also, this isn't the NBA.

What we know right now is the owners are likely to vote in January on which team or teams will be permitted to move to Los Angeles with the NFL’s approval. That’s pretty much all we know, other than that the owners seem most inclined to try to help the San Diego Chargers because the Spanos family has been such a good ownership family for the league.

And "good ownership family" is obviously defined as "moving the Chargers away from San Diego into another market." If a franchise screws over the fans of one city in order to make more money for the NFL and that franchise, the sun shall never set on the NFL's gratitude. 

One bit of news this morning: St. Louis stadium task force chief Dave Peacock told me Saturday that the group “expects to submit” to the NFL the long-awaited term sheet, making the city’s bid proposal for a new stadium official. Owners have been waiting to see that approximately 20-page document, with precise details of the funding and financing for the proposed new open-air stadium on the banks of the Mississippi River in downtown St. Louis. On the heels of National Car Rental signing onto the project for $158 million as the long-term naming rights sponsor, the St. Louis organization feels it has the momentum to present a strong bid for the Rams to stay in St. Louis.

There is something about the Rams trying to set up a permanent home in St. Louis while having the naming rights given to a company that makes their money from rentals that seems appropriate to me.

"No really, we are here to stay. Seriously. What says, 'Here to stay' more than rental cars?"

That’s something owner Stan Kroenke obviously doesn’t want to do. He wants to move the franchise to Los Angeles, and now the league is going to decide if he can or not. (Obviously, from a legal standpoint, Kroenke could take matters into his own hands if owners block his effort to move.)

On one hand, I think Kroenke should be able to move his team wherever the hell he wants to move his team. On the other hand, it annoys the hell out of me that Kroenke wants to move the Rams team after all he's done is put a product on the field over the last 5-10 years that can only be politely described as "mediocre crap." The Rams fans have supported the franchise through 10 wins over three years, and then the promise of better days with Jeff Fisher at the helm. So far they have been disappointed, so it's kind of dick-ish to move the franchise after all that. 

If Kroenke is so dead-set on moving, and the league forces him to stay in St. Louis (at least for the time being), will the city and Kroenke be able to co-exist?

I don't care if a multi-millionaire and the city of St. Louis can co-exist. I imagine Rams fans don't care either. Maybe Kroenke can sell the team to someone who actually wants to keep the franchise in St. Louis and that would fix both problems. I feel bad for Rams fans. That's my position.

Three Columbia University students, including one 10-year fantasy player named Joey Levy, thought they had a great business plan: a daily fantasy business with a couple of twists from market-owners FanDuel and DraftKings. They would have games without salary caps, so the business might be more attractive to the non-sophisticates, the everyman (and woman).

Oh good, more daily fantasy leagues. Is it possible for the daily fantasy bubble to pop after such a short span of time? I certainly hope so. 

The MMQB: So, you left an Ivy League school to start a fantasy-sports business. My first thought is, what did your mother say?

Levy: I’d become passionate about DraftPot, more about DraftPot than about school. I started playing fantasy sports when I was 10 years old, and I’m passionate about it. I got to a point where it wasn’t fair to me or to my professors to continue.

One would hope that Levy attended enough business classes at Columbia to know "DraftPot" is a terrible fucking name for a daily fantasy league. It sounds like an online marijuana exchange and not a daily fantasy league. 

“Obviously that was an extremely poor performance. And that’s an understatement.”

—Detroit coach Jim Caldwell, after one of the worst home performances in recent Lions history, a 42-17 loss to Arizona when quarterback Matthew Stafford, and most of the team, was booed consistently through the second half.

(Bengoodfella shrugs his shoulders in a way of saying "What did you expect?") 

The Award Section

OFFENSIVE PLAYERS OF THE WEEK

It’s a Midwestern quarterback week at The MMQB.

Josh McCown, quarterback, Cleveland.

Yes, he plays in the Midwest now (is Ohio the Midwest in reality? I'm looking at a map and I know it's considered "Midwest" but it doesn't seem to fit Ohio very well), but he is from Texas and went to college in Texas.

Andy Dalton, quarterback, Cincinnati.

He's from Texas and went to college in Texas. 

Matt Hasselbeck, quarterback, Indianapolis.

He's from Massachusetts and went to college in Massachusetts.

I mean, these guys do play for Midwestern NFL teams, but they aren't really Midwestern quarterbacks in the sense that's where they are actually from.

“Was literally on his deathbed Monday and Tuesday,” coach Chuck Pagano said in praising Hasselbeck, who deserved the gushing plaudits.

Matt Hasselbeck was not literally on his deathbed. He may have been figuratively on his deathbed, but if he were literally on his deathbed Monday and Tuesday then he would not have been cleared by the doctors to play football Thursday evening. 

I doubt death was contemplated by Hasselbeck or the doctors treating him as he was beset with spells of diarrhea and vomiting in the days before the 27-20 win over Houston, but it certainly made for some good hyperbolic fun.

It's only good hyperbolic fun for those of us who weren't feeling terribly on Monday and Tuesday with vomiting and diarrhea. I think I had what Hasselbeck had a few weeks ago and it was terribly not fun, hyperbole or not. 

DEFENSIVE PLAYERS OF THE WEEK

Robert Alford, cornerback, Atlanta. After getting beaten for a touchdown and struggling mentally with it on the sidelines,

How does Peter know that Robert Alford struggled mentally with getting beaten for a touchdown? Just because the secondary coach was giving him a pep talk after the touchdown doesn't mean he was struggling mentally. It just means he needed a pep talk. 

GOAT OF THE WEEK 

Matthew Stafford, quarterback, Detroit. It’s not all his fault,

It's not all his fault, but Peter will name him the "Goat of the Week" anyway. He says of all the players who played on Thursday or Sunday, Matthew Stafford was the biggest goat in his team's loss. But of course, how could individually pointing out Stafford's terrible play be seen as indicating the Lions' loss was his all his fault? He's responsible for most of the Lions loss if he is the "Goat of the Week" isn't he? 

but Stafford has been terrible for the first five games, by and large, and coach Jim Caldwell was so despondent about his offense Sunday that he yanked his $19-million-a-year quarterback for the forgettable Dan Orlovsky in the third quarter after Stafford threw three interceptions.

"It's not all Stafford's fault, but he's been terrible all season and the Lions just happen to not have won a game all season. These are two totally non-related occurrences of course." 

Do not ever debate the value of a good backup quarterback, by the way. Hasselbeck, for $3 million this year (a $1 million signing bonus and $2 million salary), has won two division games, and he may have to face the Super Bowl champions Sunday at home.

I don't think anyone would ever debate the value of a good backup quarterback. There is a reason Hasselbeck makes $3 million per year and teams don't immediately trade a backup quarterback who is worth a crap. The value of a backup is not up for debate, though the price requested by a backup and how easy it is to find a quality backup is up for debate. There is a reason Derek Anderson just signed a two year $4.7 million deal to be a backup and that reason isn't because he is such a nice guy. The problem will always be finding a good backup quarterback. 

Factoid of the Week That May Interest Only Me

Memo to AFC Southerners: Can you at least make an attempt to compete with the Colts?

No, they can not. 

Factoid 1. Since Christmas Day 2012, Indianapolis is 16-0 against teams in the AFC South: 6-0 versus Houston, 5-0 versus Jacksonville, 5-0 versus Tennessee.

Factoid 2. The Colts have won those 16 games by an average of 13.4 points per game.

The Colts can't control their division, so this isn't a reflection on them, but this is what I thought was interesting about the whole "Why should the Panthers get a home playoff game with a losing record?" issue last year. While I agree in part, why should the Colts get a home playoff game because they are the only good team in a shitty division? Why should the Bengals have to come to Indianapolis for a playoff game? The Bengals went 10-5-1 in a tougher division than the AFC South. They lost one more game, so what, they played more difficult teams if you pay attention to the record of the teams in their division.

It's never going to be totally fair. That's my point. The Colts have beaten up on their division over the last four years. Good for them, but no one questions why they get a home playoff game after going 5-5 against teams not in the AFC South last year, while the Bengals lost one more game in a tougher division and have to play a playoff game on the road.

Factoid 4. Records of AFC South teams since Christmas Day 2012:

W-L Pct. GB
Indianapolis 27-12 .692 --
Houston 12-27 .308 15
Tennessee 11-26 .297 15
Jacksonville 8-30 .211 18.5
***
That is one pathetic division.

Remember this the next time you bash a team from another division who makes the playoffs with a losing record or an 8-8 record. That team may not be very good, but there are also divisions where one good team is beating up on the really bad teams in that division.

Mr. Starwood Preferred Member Travel Note of the Week

I had the pleasure, along with some of my crew from The MMQB (senior editor Matt Gagne, reporter Kalyn Kahler, videographer John DePetro), of traveling to Durham, N.H., on Wednesday to speak at law professor Michael McCann’s “Deflategate” class. I’ll have a report on it later this week on our site. It would be impossible to have been treated more hospitably.

This is untrue. Geishas for everyone!



Well, I should hope so.

Yes, because Matt Cassel is probably going to be a huge improvement over Brandon Weeden. I guess we'll see. Matt Cassel could do a great job for the Cowboys, but it's not like he's going to be the elixir for all the troubles the Cowboys team has.


Combine the MLB experience of Kershaw and Greinke, they have 20 years of experience, while DeGrom and Syndergaard have 3 years of experience in the majors. So you know, that sort of explains the salary differential. Let's compare these salaries in six or seven more years.

Ten Things I Think I Think

1. I think this is what I liked about Week 5:

e. The new hats in the crowd at Lambeau Field: Men with huge ears of yellow corn on their heads, with a green 18 emblazoned on headwear. Get it? Randall “Cobb.”

Yes Peter, we get it. The Nebraska Cornhuskers would like to sue for infringement on the headgear the Packers fans wear to games. Maybe Texans fans can wear a lightbulb on their head because of J.J. "Watt" or Bengals fans can throw money on the field when A.J. "Green" catches the ball. 

o. Jim Caldwell saying he’d go back to Matthew Stafford after making a quarterback change in-game. Good move during the game, when Stafford was an absolute lost sheep, but it’s smart to go back to him now because there’s not a backup Caldwell can trust.

DID YOU KNOW THAT BACKUP QUARTERBACKS ARE VALUABLE?

It's smart to go back to Stafford because there's no another quarterback on the roster that is worth a crap. That is true. What is a little frightening is the Lions don't have a backup quarterback the Lions can trust. I'll never understand this in season 2 of a coach's regime. Isn't that something that should be a high priority? Especially on a team like the Lions that isn't necessarily rebuilding on offense? Why not have a backup the head coach at least trusts to not fall totally apart on the field?

p. Todd Gurley.

Team on the rise!...and then on to Los Angeles. I like Peter's new obsession with Todd Gurley. I'm sure he has no motives around it or anything like that. This is pretty much what I expected Gurley to do once he was healthy, but I guess Peter is still shocked by Gurley actually being a great running back. 

2. I think this is what I didn’t like about Week 5:

a. The video of the injury to Jamaal Charles.

It's not the actual injury to Jamaal Charles that Peter doesn't like, because fuck him and he deserves to get injured, but the video of Charles' injury is what Peter doesn't like.


b. Detroit’s offensive line. I do not put all of the mess on Stafford. At all. Lines of the Lions (and, very often, the Seahawks) are not letting their quarterback breathe.

Peter names Matthew Stafford the "Goat of the Week," but of course isn't putting the mess on Stafford. He's just the "Goat of the Week" which is an individual award for terrible play that Peter awards every week. It could just as easily be a team award, even though Peter gave it to an individual. Peter doesn't blame Stafford, except he does.

c. Jacksonville allowing 38 points and 369 yards to Tampa Bay’s offense. Gus Bradley’s got to be asking himself some serious questions about his team.

d. This is not good: The Jags have given up 35 points per game over the last three weeks.

These two points should be under the same letter, plus I thought Gus Bradley was turning it around down in Jacksonville with Blake "He made one pass like Aaron Rodgers" Bortles leading the way? It's almost like it's hard to replicate the success of the Seahawks without the players the Seahawks have.

f. Dalton’s poor decision—a rarity early this season—on the deep throw that Thomas picked off. The chance just wasn’t there. Shades of last year for Dalton, and the only big mistake he made on a very good day.

I can't wait for Andy Dalton to struggle again so we can all read the "I guess Andy Dalton isn't totally different" stories written by sportswriters who covers the NFL. 

3. I think you’ve got to hand it to Greg Hardy:

These words should never be written. No, I do not have to ever hand it to Greg Hardy. Never. He gets himself in these messes and then acts tone-deaf to any criticism he receives for the mess he got himself into. If you begin a sentence with "You've got to hand it to Greg Hardy" then the following sentence better at least include something he did that is totally non-football related. 

With the world hating him and watching him at the same time, he showed the NFL he hasn’t lost his ability to rush the passer in his 19 games away from football.

"You have to hand it to Greg Hardy, despite being a pretty bad person who refuses to even acknowledge in the slightest that he put himself in a bad situation, he is still good at playing sports."

This is like saying, "You've got to hand it to George Zimmerman, despite seeming to have a rage issue and shooting people, he's excellent at karaoke. That man can really belt out a tune and sing a tender ballad."

Hardy is still good at rushing the passer and playing football. That was never in doubt.

Hardy was superb against New England in his return to the field Sunday—though the Patriots routed the quarterback-less Cowboys 30-6—with two sacks of Tom Brady, five total hits of Brady, a forced fumble and five tackles.

He's excellent at playing football and he has no issues blocking out distractions because he lives in his own world. He's an odd dude, plus he doesn't really care how he comes off to others.

And it was odd to hear him speak after the game, mostly in nonsensical quotations. “I’m still excited,” he said at his locker after the game. “I’m just excited to be in the locker room and looking at all you guys. Just the smell and aroma.” This story bears watching. No idea if he’s a powderkeg or anything. But he sure had a strange and tone-deaf week in his return to football.

And why would Peter know if Greg Hardy is a powderkeg or anything? That's someone else's job to figure out, not Peter's job. He leaves that "reporting" stuff to others and since Greg Hardy is a rookie, there is no way to go back to any of the other teams in the NFL Hardy played for to find out the answer on how Hardy's act plays in the locker room. Oh well, (Peter shrugs his shoulders) just gotta hand it to Hardy that he's gotten through these tough times. 

4. I think one thing I heard out of the league meetings in New York last week disturbed me. Commissioner Roger Goodell was asked if the data from testing air pressure in footballs in random games this fall will be released to the public. “I don’t know,” he replied. In the random games, the league is testing the air pressure of the footballs pre-game (as always) and then again at halftime. Officials will log the data, then remove those balls from play.

It has to be made public, or else the public’s going to think the NFL is hiding the results.

Even if the results are made public, I'm going to assume the NFL is hiding the results. That's what they do. This is a league that wants to use DeAngelo Williams and his mother to pump up how much they care about women during the month of October, (and only the month of October) all while telling him to go fuck himself when Williams wants to wear pink all season in honor of his mother. It's just his dead mother, who cares if Williams want to honor her when it's not October? 

Goodell said before the Wells report was released that the league would be totally transparent and we would know what Wells knew when Wells finished the report. So why is this different? I can guess. The NFL wants to reserve the right to not issue the measurements if it makes the league’s case against Tom Brady look bad.

I think Peter is right. I also think the NFL has bungled this whole issue so badly there is no turning back for them at this point. Even if the Patriots did deflate those footballs, I'm not sure there is enough trust for the fans to believe it if/when the NFL actually ends up having hard evidence. 

6. I think, on the other hand, there are many things to criticize the commissioner of the NFL about this year and last. But I laugh when I see the critiques of Goodell on domestic violence, or the NFL giving Greg Hardy “only” four games. Goodell put Hardy out for 15 games last year (while being paid) and then suspended him for 10 games this year before it was reduced on appeal to four games...In the end, Hardy missed 19 games, and only four games without pay, which isn’t enough. I don’t see that as Goodell’s fault.

Peter laughs when he hears this criticism of Goodell? "Laughs" as if it gets him in a titter at hearing anyone claim Goodell has responsibility for Hardy missing only four games without pay? Roger Goodell gets paid $35 million per year and was late to the party on domestic violence, but of course this isn't his fault. Why would it be? If the NFL took domestic violence seriously prior to the Greg Hardy and Ray Rice episodes then there would be a policy in place on which Goodell could base a harsher punishment. There wasn't, so Hardy got paid $14 million to do nothing last year, and was suspended for four games this year. A lack of foresight by someone getting paid $35 million per year is not the fault of the person? 

7. I think you realize, of course, that if you say LSU running back Leonard Fournette should not play another college game, you’re telling him three things:

a. You won’t play a football game for the next 23 months, until September 2017.

Or Fournette would not play another football game in the NFL or NCAA. I'm not sure the rules in the CFL or if Fournette could play in the CFL next year, but I think the entire point of sitting out a year for Fournette would be to not play football until he is eligible to play football in the NFL. 

b. You’re from Louisiana and dreamed of going to LSU, but your career as the big star lasted about one season: the last seven games of last season and first five games of this season.

This is such weak reasoning. Fournette dreamed of going to LSU, but he also dreamed of playing in the NFL where he can get paid to play football. I think I know which dream he would choose to pursue at the expense of the other. 

c. The chances of getting a career-ending injury are slim, but you shouldn’t risk even that. You should just work out and stay in shape until the 2017 NFL draft.

Are the risks of a career-ending injury slim? I don't know, I'm asking. Considering I can think of three big name college running backs projected to go in the first 2-3 rounds of the NFL Draft in the last three years that have suffered severe knee injuries, the anecdotal evidence doesn't seem to state the risks are slim. 

d. As you can tell by those three points, I think it’s crazy talk for Fournette not to play football for the next year and two-thirds while he waits to become NFL eligible. I get the fact that serious knee injuries happen. I get the fact that Nick Chubb of Georgia suffered one Saturday. But Todd Gurley suffered his torn ACL last November, and he had his surgery in late November last year, and still he was the 10th player picked in the 2015 draft, and still he had the best performance by an NFL running back in Week 4 of 2015.

Yes, Gurley came back and played perfectly well during Week 4 of the 2015 season, so what's there to worry about? This is great reasoning when used by the person who doesn't have to worry about the potential of his livelihood being threatened to injury while he plays a sport for free and also great advice given by a person who doesn't have to put in the work to come back from a torn ACL or other severe injury. It's easy for Peter to say, "Hey, Todd Gurley came back, so what could go wrong by playing the next two seasons of college football?" Peter doesn't have to live with the uncertainty on every play that his knee could get hurt.

What about Marcus Lattimore? He didn't exactly come back from his knee injury as the same kind of running back he was before. Peter will just ignore that Lattimore simply didn't bounce back from a severe knee injury.

But it’s not Fournette who wants to sit out. It’s the media who wants Fournette to sit out.

A media member blames the media. How does Peter know that Fournette doesn't want to sit out? 

But I would say under the current rules, most NFL teams would put a pretty big mark against Fournette’s name in 2017 if he entered the draft that spring without having played football for the last one and two-thirds years of his college career.  

So it's the media who wants Fournette to sit out, while NFL teams would put a pretty big mark against Fournette for sitting out all of the 2016 season. So it sounds like the NFL doesn't want Fournette to sit out and will downgrade him based on not having played in college during the 2016 season.

10. I think these are my non-NFL thoughts of the week:

a. So much about that Ruben Tejada-Chase Utley play Saturday night in Mets-Dodgers was nonsensical. Utley started his slide into second when he was even with the bag—way too late—and never attempted to touch second base. Tejada fractured his leg on the play. The umps, on replay, said Tejada never tagged second base and so Utley was safe, even though Tejada came within centimeters of the base and Utley missed it by three feet and then jogged off the field.

It was a bullshit play by Utley. MLB probably should institute a rule about breaking up a double play in the way that Utley did. I'm all for going in hard at second base to break up a double play, but the runner has to be going for the bag, which Utley clearly was not doing. 

Then Cal Ripken on TBS said benignly that Utley was “breaking up a double play.” If he was breaking up a double play in a normal way, Utley would have started his slide well before the base, not high and even with the base, so he would knock over Tejada like a bowling ball knocks over pins. And truly, if Ripken, who is a mentor to so many kids and has a baseball organization of his own, was teaching young players how to break up the double play, is that the way he’d teach them to do it? 

WHAT ABOUT "THE KIDS"?

I'm confused now. I thought breaking up a double play like Utley did was "playing the game the right way," so how could Ripken teaching young players to break up the double play like that not be the right way to play?

j. Did Boston College really lose by messing up a fake spike with zero seconds left on the clock?

k. It’s contagious. Rutgers, driving in the last minutes to try to tie Michigan State at home, spiked the ball on fourth down.

Spiking the ball on fourth down is almost as contagious as using unnecessary italics. 

m. Leave Sam Ponder alone, trolls. A good person, a true professional, a worker.

Sam Ponder makes Peter King titter. Leave her alone.

p. Beernerdness: So, I’ve had better ideas than this one: lining up 12 pumpkin/autumn beers, tasting them, judging them. A crew of us did that Friday in the palatial offices of The MMQB in New York—me, beernerd Mark Mravic, Gary Gramling, Kalyn Kahler, visiting artist Greg Bishop.

Peter doesn't know why there is no such thing as a pumpkin white ale that he can put a lemon in for that extra splash of non-beer taste.

q. Cubs-Cards is so good for baseball, and this comes from someone who really wanted the Pirates to advance.

Saying a certain matchup is "good for baseball" is bad for Bengoodfella's brain. What the fuck does this even mean? If the Pirates had advanced then this would have been bad for baseball because they aren't considered a marquee enough team to deserve to play in the NLDS against the Cardinals?

Who I Like Tonight
 
San Diego 30, Pittsburgh 22. (See, you’re starting to get the weird scores this year because of the missed PATs and two-point tries.)

Peter likes the new extra-point rule. Has he mentioned this as of yet?

The Adieu Haiku

So the Haiku Society of America (man, I love this country) is holding its 2015 conference at Union College in upstate New York on Wednesday through Sunday. More than 100 haiku artists from as far away as India, Japan and Australia will gather at Union for the festivities, making the largest and oldest gathering of haiku poets.

And let me guess, they wrote a letter in protest about what Peter's Adieu Haiku is doing to the art form?

Haiku! Five-Seven-Five Forever!

Oh, my God. Son of a bitch. Make this stop.

Former Haiku Society president John Stevenson gets the honor of this week’s Adieu Haiku, going all e.e. cummings on me:

a gambling addict
certain a football will bounce
as he imagines


"The honor" of this week's Adieu Haiku. I imagine the Adieu Haiku will bounce off the MMQB column soon. It's all a dream though.