7 comments MMQB Review: Peter's Super Bowl Pick Edition

Peter King made some observations from all 16 of the useless preseason games in last week's MMQB. He also suggested Judge Berman decide to end all of this nonsense about the Patriots deflating footballs in order to kick the can down the road and make this nonsense last longer. Peter wanted the judge to wait until after the 2015 season to rule so that way there would be a whole other five months of measuring the PSI of footballs in cold weather. Fortunately, Judge Berman did not take Peter's advice. This week, Peter talks about Aaron Rodgers and how perfect he is, makes his Super Bowl prediction, and is the 10,000th media member to recommend "Do Your Job." I think Peter wins an award or something for being the 10,000th media member to recommend this documentary, doesn't he?

Factoid I Learned this Summer That I Have Been Dying To Share With You: 

Your daughter is having another big gay wedding and you want everyone to be open-minded about it while specifically referring to it as a "gay wedding" on Twitter and not just a "wedding" thereby showing you subconsciously differentiate between the two type of weddings?

This is the 10th season Mike McCarthy has coached the Packers, and the 10th season Aaron Rodgers has played for Mike McCarthy. In all that time, from January 2006 to this weekend, Rodgers has never been fined by the team. He has never been late to a meeting, a practice, a game, an off-season workout. He has never missed any of those scheduled events without permission. He has never violated curfew either in training camp or the night before any of the 197 preseason, regular-season or postseason games since McCarthy took over. He has never mouthed off to anyone, or violated any team rule to the extent that he had to be fined. 

I find it hard to believe Rodgers has never mouthed off to anyone. I think his mouthing off is simply being forgotten. A lot of people aren't late to work, don't get suspended, and don't violate any rules while at work. Congrats to Aaron Rodgers and this is such a worthy note to lead off the column with. Very important information to know.

And of course other sportswriters on Twitter thought this factoid was brilliant and congratulated Peter as if he had found the Holy Grail and then managed to sell it off to an alien race which allowed him to cure cancer. And yes, a "factoid" is still a statement of questionable factual basis, so maybe Peter is lying, or he still insists on not using a dictionary before using big words.

“That is true,” Rodgers told me. “Now, in my rookie year, 2005, I did get fined once.

So as long as the time Aaron Rodgers DID get fined isn't counted, then this factoid is true. A lot of facts can be true if a person works around all the times that fact wasn't true.

I was five minutes late to a meeting. I was speeding down [Wisconsin route] 41, a little late, and I said, ‘I can either get a ticket here and be late, or I can drive normal and be late.’ I decided to be six minutes late and take the fine.” 

Aaron Rodgers favors taking his medicine and staying within the law over violating the law and doing what's best for him. He's the hero we need.

There’s no really good reason to write that this morning.

Finally, we can agree. Football starts in less than a week and Peter is starting off his column with factoids about Aaron Rodgers.

I’m picking a Green Bay-Baltimore Super Bowl. Two teams that blew golden chances to meet in the Super Bowl last year, finally keeping the appointment a year later. (NFC title game last January, five minutes left: Green Bay 19, Seattle 7. AFC divisional game last January, 23 minutes left: Baltimore 28, New England 14.) 

There's the whole "Well yeah, Dez Bryant caught that pass and so the Packers may not have even advanced to the NFC title game if that rule made any sense and the Cowboys had managed to punch the ball in from the two-yard line with the best running game in the NFL" argument, but I guess that should be ignored in keeping with the storyline that Peter is crafting right now.

To make that pick, I have to get over a lot of things. For Green Bay, the Jordy Nelson injury is the biggest thing—the most dangerous weapon for Rodgers on the team that scored the most points (486) in football last year...But I recall Davante Adams being in the right place at the right time for Green Bay to beat Miami last year.

Peter was worried about losing Nelson, but then he realized one time last year Davante Adams caught an important pass and this helped Peter realize Nelson is probably useless anyway.

I like the defense well enough too, despite the loss to free agency of solid corners Tramon Williams and Davon House. Maybe that’s me trying to talk my way into picking Green Bay, but I remember in the NFC title game last year what I saw in the first 55 minutes: 12 Seattle drives, seven points, 187 yards, four interceptions of Russell Wilson.

Yes, that game was against Seattle, the renowned offensively explosive team who can attack you from anywhere in their high octane passing game. Peter is worried about the Packers losing two solid corners, but points out the Packers did well against a team that isn't known for having a great passing attack (WITH those two corners on the roster at the time) and it made him feel better about the Packers secondary. Ignore the last five minutes of the game because the first part of MMQB is all about making statements and leaving information out that disputes those statements.

Baltimore? You’ll be surprised at the Ravens’ biggest challenge.

Let me guess, you think they are going to trade Joe Flacco midseason because Ozzie Newsome said, "I can see a trade or two happening this year" as an offhand comment to a reporter?

So what is the Ravens' biggest challenge? Their ONE biggest challenge?

Two, actually: 

YOU GOT ME AGAIN, PETER! YOU SAID "CHALLENGE" LIKE THERE WAS ONE, THEN SURPRISED ME WITH TWO! TWO SURPRISES AROUND YOUR PICK OF THE RAVENS? I'M STANDING UP APPLAUDING YOU RIGHT NOW, BUT IF I WEREN'T, I WOULD BE ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT WANTING TO KNOW WHAT THE SURPRISE IS!

1. The Bengals. You’d think the Ravens are significantly better over the past few years, right? Well, in the post-season, yes. But Cincinnati and Baltimore have 40 regular-season wins apiece in the past four years. The Bengals beat the Ravens in the AFC North standings in 2013 and ’14. In their past five meetings, the Bengals are 4-1 against the Ravens and have allowed Baltimore just 18.8 points a game. 

And so because the Bengals have been good over the past four years and the Ravens have to play the Bengals two total times this year, this means that the Bengals will be good this year as well?

But no, Peter King is doing the whole "Two topics that are really one topic but inexplicably separated" thing he does in the "Things I Think I Think" section. Really, there is one challenge for the Ravens.

2. Baltimore has to earn home-field in the playoffs. I know: Every team wants to be at home in the playoffs, but for the Ravens the home-field edge has been huge in the John Harbaugh era. Since Harbaugh took over in 2008, Baltimore is 45-11 at home and 27-29 on the road in the regular season.

So the challenge for the Ravens isn't the Bengals, but to win their division and get homefield advantage. Let's not overcomplicate it. Also, home-field edge has been huge for the Ravens during the John Harbaugh era as long as the fact the Ravens won a Super Bowl by winning two road games or that the Ravens are 7-5 on the road in the playoffs under Harbaugh gets ignored.

The Ravens have played 15 postseason games since 2008 … only two at home. Twelve on the road, and one (the Super Bowl, against San Francisco) at a neutral site. 

But it’s worn on Baltimore. Like last year. Even with a World League secondary, the Ravens held two 14-point leads at New England in the divisional round and couldn’t hang on. Imagine if the game had been in Baltimore, where the Ravens have won a Patriot-like 81 percent of their home games since 2008. 

Imagine if that game had been played on an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. How would that have affected the outcome? What about if this game was played on a field made of pillows, how could that have had an effect on the score? 

I see the Ravens winning the North

Kings of the North! Flying their family banner! Fuck the Starks!

If they win the North, that’s one home playoff game at least. If they win 12 games, that should be enough for two. What they really need, though, is for the rest of the conference to get as good as the North has been in recent years, so the road to Santa Clara won’t be all on the road.

All teams want home playoff games, but I don't see why the need for the Ravens to have one is so great. They have proven they can win games on the road in the playoffs.

Regarding the other contenders:
 
New England. No repeat champions in the past 10 Super Bowls; I’m not big at all on picking repeat champs. Then there’s the weak secondary (minus Darrelle Revis and Super Bowl unsung hero Brandon Browner), and the Ravens-like lack of depth at receiver.

If only the Patriots had a dynamic tight end who is essentially uncoverable. Alas, they do not and we must all move on.

Seattle. I checked in with a Seahawk source Sunday night, and there’s scant optimism that strong safety Kam Chancellor—vital on the field, of course, but in the locker room too—will be in St. Louis for the opener in six days. Plus, free safety Earl Thomas, rehabbing from a torn labrum in his left shoulder, is likely to play next week but not certain. So, Seattle could face a matchup nightmare in St. Louis (last three years: Rams two wins, Seattle one in St. Louis)

A matchup nightmare! A total nightmare facing that up-and-coming Los Angeles Rams team! They are so formidable and scary. The Rams have won two games at home against the Seahawks over the last three years. If that's not having a team's number then I don't know what a small sample size is.

The Seahawks should score more,

Except for Russell Wilson, who isn't scoring at all apparently.

Indianapolis. When we last left the Colts, they were getting steamrolled on the ground for the third time in their past 20 games by the Patriots. Arthur Jones, key run-stopper up front, has been lost for the year, and they haven’t made any significant adds to the defensive front, save Kandall Langford, who’s no Haloti Ngata. If Andrew Luck can score 40 points a Sunday, I like the Colts to go far. If not, they’ll win the AFC South and be frustrated again in late January.

The Colts drafted Phillip Dorsett. Imagine how awesome Andrew Luck's MVP numbers are going to look after the season is over. Sure, Ryan Grigson could have improved the defense and just didn't like the guys available in the first round, but he's also not one to trade a first round pick for an active player in an effort to improve his team. Not at all.

Philadelphia/Dallas. Flip a coin.

You go flip a coin.

I like the Eagles better, by a bit, mostly because the Cowboys lost their best defensive back (Orlando Scandrick) for the year this preseason, and because Philadelphia scored faster this preseason than the Kardashians printed money. But there’s no insurance for Sam Bradford staying upright for the season; if he does, the Eagles are as good as anyone in the NFC, and maybe better.

It's always dumb to assume Sam Bradford is going to be healthy all year long. It's always dumb, but Peter and I do agree what could happen IF Bradford is healthy all year. And yes, I really regret counting on Bradford to be healthy in my predictions because I know it's not happening.

My playoff jumpers? (The rising teams in each conference, I mean).

Thanks for explaining, Peter. Your readers are mental midgets who didn't understand what you were saying and desperately needed you to clarify. Playoff jumpers? How can a franchise literally jump the playoffs? Without the explanation, that's how I would feel.

I think Peter lacks a certain amount of intellectual respect for his readers at times. His need to explain things can be a bit condescending. This from a guy who can't use the definition of "precocious" and "factoid" correctly, but it doesn't stop him from using those words as much as possible.

Minnesota (7-9 last year) and Miami (8-8 last year).

(throws up) It appears I agree with Peter on something else.

Regarding Miami: I haven’t seen a team in recent years with the schedule advantage the Dolphins have in the first two months. Their opening seven weeks: at Kirk Cousins (Washington), at Blake Bortles (Jacksonville), versus Tyrod Taylor (Buffalo) at home, versus Ryan Fitzpatrick (Jets) in London, bye, at Marcus Mariota (Tennessee), versus Brian Hoyer (Houston) at home.

And since when have any NFL teams been bad one season and then improved the very next season? Never, so obviously the Dolphins schedule is very easy and the great Ryan Tannehill certainly won't have to play against any good defenses like the Bills, Jets and Texans have over this span. Remember, football is only a game of matchups between each team's quarterback.

Of course, they’ve got the Patriots twice, the Eagles, Cowboys and Chargers in the last 10 games, 

So it leads to something like 8-8, assuming the Dolphins lose to a team they should not lose to and then beat a team they should beat? Great, glad we talked about this.

My picks, division by division:

AFC: New England, Baltimore, Indianapolis, Kansas City.

Wild Cards: Denver, Miami.

NFC: Philadelphia, Green Bay, Atlanta, Seattle.

Wild Cards: Arizona, Dallas.

Not criticizing, just pointing out this is basically the same teams that made the playoffs last year except Atlanta will win the NFC South, Peter thinks the team that stands in the way of the Ravens making the playoffs don't even make the postseason (the Bengals), and he believes in Andy Reid so much he thinks the Chiefs win the AFC West. So there is 25% turnover among the 12 playoff teams. 

Lots of leftovers after the embarrassing but not shocking (except to the NFL) total defeat in U.S. District Court on Thursday:

Clearly, some around the league don’t think Ted Wells, Jeff Pash and Goodell have the goods on Brady. They are right: The league doesn’t have the goods. There’s no proof that Brady told anyone to take air out of the footballs.

I'm just glad we got to the bottom of whether air in the amount of a few tenths of a PSI were taken out of the football or not and who knew what and when they knew it. With offensive line coaches hitting their loved ones and all that boring football stuff to focus on, I like to see important things like whether footballs used in a game back in January where the outcome wasn't in doubt had reduced air pressure in them.

There are between two and four owners, a very small cabal, down on Goodell right now to the point that they would consider joining a movement to replace him. That’s not many, especially when you consider that Goodell is on the losing streak of all commissioner losing streaks, and when you consider that 24 votes would be required to replace Goodell. Understand that many of the leading owners in the league consider that Goodell is doing their bidding, fighting for what he believes is the right thing, and also that he’s taking hits for them on fronts like domestic violence.

I always laugh when the idea of the owners replacing Goodell comes up. I think they probably should, but why do that when he's taking all the heat and making them look good? Who hates Jerry Richardson because Greg Hardy hit a woman? Nobody. Who got mad at Steve Bisciotti because the Ravens handled the Ray Rice situation poorly? A few people did and then forgot about it once Roger Goodell started fumbling around when attempting to punish Rice. Goodell is paid to be the bad guy so the owners don't have to be.

It could be that the union, smelling blood in the water, will stand firm and not give up anything in bargaining with the NFL, because the players know how weakened the NFL is right now. I doubt that will be enough for the league to just say, We’ll hand you neutral arbitration. But both sides know Goodell needs to fork over the appeal process for Brady-type cases. This solution seems logical:

Almost as logical as Peter's solution to punish Tom Brady, which was to make this whole drama get drawn out longer? 

The league and players agree to a panel of three arbitrators; the arbitrators would be mutually agreed upon by the league and the union. Each time there’s an appeal of a commissioner discipline case, one of the three arbitrators would be picked randomly to hear the appeal.

So all the league and players would have to do is agree on three arbitrators? Wow, that seems easy enough considering the union doesn't trust the league and the league has no respect for the union. 

In exchange, the CBA, set to expire following the 2020 season, will be extended one season, and would expire after the 2021 season. Now, the league will howl at this, saying that’s not enough of a trade with the players to give up such a valuable chip. But I would maintain this: The chip has become a poisonous one. The chip is not nearly as valuable as it once was. It’s now worth 20 cents on the dollar. Goodell has to make a save-face deal with the players, or risk the waterfall of negative press and public opinion washing over him and the league.

He doesn't care, Peter. Roger Goodell doesn't care about saving face with the players. He doesn't care about the waterfall of negative press and public opinion because everybody still watches the NFL games, buys the merchandise and the stadiums will undoubtedly be full on Thursday nights, all day Sunday and Monday nights. This makes the owners money, they are happy, which means they are happy with Goodell, so Goodell is happy and has done his job. Roger Goodell only cares about saving face or public opinion when it comes to hurting the NFL's bottom line. Otherwise, it's all noise to him as long as the money keeps rolling in.

I’ve screened NFL Network’s “Do Your Job: Bill Belichick and the 2014 New England Patriots,” an hour-long documentary that airs Wednesday on NFL Network at 8 p.m. ET. It might be the best example I’ve ever watched of how Belichick works—how he prepares players, how he prepares coaches, how he gets coaches ready to impart what players need to know to win, how he motivates players (thought there’s not a lot of that here), how he uses mysterious director of football research Ernie Adams (who is interviewed for the documentary), and how he uses so much minutiae of football knowledge to prepare for games.

I find it interesting how there is a constant presumption of secretiveness surrounding Belichick and the Patriots. To an extent that is true on the day-to-day aspects of knowing what goes in with the Patriots, but this is the second documentary in the last couple of years about the Patriots and/or Belichick where the inner workings of his team and decision-making process are examined on camera. For a guy who is really secretive and there isn't much known about how the Patriots go about their business, the public sure knows a hell of a lot more about how he runs his team than they know about how Pete Carroll runs the inner workings of his team. So they are secretive, but I think it's at the point we know more about the Patriots than many other NFL teams. 

It’ll be easy for non-Patriot fans to sneer at it and say, Enough of the bleepin’ Patriots overload! But this is such a good show about football, and about the inner game of football, that if you’re a football fan you’ll be doing yourself a disservice by not at least setting the DVR to record this show.

It's still about the Patriots though. I would watch it, but if someone is tired of the Patriots, then an entire show about the team and how they just won the Super Bowl probably isn't something that sounds enticing to watch.

“Maybe the one word that isn’t in that sentence,” said Belichick in the doc, “that’s implied but not stated, is ‘Do your job well.’ Take care of the one or two three things that we’ve emphasized all week, and we’ll be okay.”

I recognize that no other NFL head coaches have had the success that Bill Belichick has had, but what is Mike McCarthy's mantra? What do we know about McCarthy and how he runs his Packers team? Not that Belichick isn't secretive, but it's growing harder for me to see this types of documentaries being introduced as if they are a brief glimpse into the world of Belichick that few others will ever see. These documentaries are a glimpse few others will see into every head coach's team, so while Belichick is secretive, there is a lot more that is known about his overall philosophies then there is known about the overall philosophies of pretty much any other NFL head coach.

Offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels confirmed the coaches showed the offense a clip of Alabama throwing the unbalanced offensive-line formation against LSU before the divisional game against Baltimore, and then explained why the play was used when it was—in the third quarter, down 14, with the season on the line. New England ran it twice and Tom Brady completed both passes on a scoring drive. ”We waited 'til the second half, purposefully so they didn’t have an opportunity at halftime to talk about it,” said McDaniels.

That is cheating to run a play that defense doesn't have to time to adjust to after they have seen it. Pure cheating. It's classless to fool the opposing team this way. 

Belichick explains why he didn’t call a timeout on the Seahawks’ fateful last drive, which would have opened him to ridicule had Seattle scored and left New England to go the length of the field in 17 or 20 seconds to have a chance had Seattle scored on the play. Basically, it’s like what we all thought: Belichick saw confusion and players hurrying around on the Seattle sideline, so he wanted to take advantage of the confusion (or so it seemed) and make them snap without being fully prepared for the play.

Little did Belichick know that Russell Wilson didn't need to be prepared for the play and the confusion didn't hurt, because God was speaking to him right at that moment. Probably talking to Wilson about the benefits of Recovery Water. 

Really good show.

I'm shocked Peter liked it. Shocked. 

“Brady’s free!”

—A passenger in the back of a Boston-to-Denver Southwest Airline flight on Thursday, shortly after the plane landed late in the morning and when passengers switched on the phones, got wifi, and learned the news of Judge Richard Berman vacating the suspension of Tom Brady, according to passenger Abby Chin of Comcast Sports Net-New England

I didn't have a dog in this fight, but the whole "Brady is free" exclamations were a little annoying to me. He's not in jail. He was initially suspended from playing a sporting event, a game, for four games. It was probably an overreach by the commissioner, but Brady wasn't jailed while on a humanitarian mission in a foreign country. He was accused of conspiring to deflate footballs. He wasn't ever not free. If he wasn't playing football for four games, then he would have been chilling at home with his kids and wife. Let's get a little perspective. 

“Now we don’t have to play what’s-his-name.”

—A kid on the Boston-to-Denver flight, once he learned Brady, and not Jimmy Garappolo, would be playing quarterback for the Patriots early in the season.

Ten years from now this kid will be in a bar talking about how he knew Jimmy G. was the right QB for the Patriots even at the age of 13 when the Pats drafted him.

Snaps played in 13 combined preseason games by three 2015 Most Valuable Player candidates:

Adrian Peterson (five games): 0.

J.J. Watt (four games): 0.

Rob Gronkowski (four games): 0.

Can we at some point, please, have a discussion about cutting the preseason from four to two games?

Hold on for a second. You made the NFL owners lose count again.  

Sure, we can have the discussion about cutting down the preseason. Don't you think a conversation about gun control is probably more important though? So the owners will let Congress figure that one out and then we can talk about cutting the preseason from four to two games. The owners want to have the gun control conversation first. 

The final weekend of the regular season includes New England playing at Miami on Jan. 3, 2016, at 1 p.m. In the last two New England games at Miami, it has been 84 degrees at kickoff (in December 2013) and 89 degrees at kickoff (in September 2014). The Patriots have lost both games—24-20 two years ago, 33-20 last year.

Might be a good idea for the Patriots to pray for a New Year’s cold snap in south Florida, or to think about practicing in steamy conditions, somewhere, before the game this year.

If really cold conditions make the PSI in a ball decrease, then does playing in a hot climate cause the PSI in the football to increase? If so, tell Ted Wells! Here is further proof of the Patriots cheating. They can't win football games in hot climates. 

Mr. Starwood Preferred Member Travel Note of the Week

Another reason Amtrak should be the mode of transportation for more people: timeliness.

I boarded Amtrak 2158, an Acela train from New York to Boston, at about 11:55 a.m. Wednesday. Train slated to depart at 12:03 p.m. I had my laptop open, with the digital clock up. At 12:03:10, the doors to the train closed. At 12:03:33, the train started moving. We were due at Boston’s Back Bay station at 3:36 p.m. Arrival time: 3:29. My experience is that’s pretty common on the Acela (not so much on the regional trains).

Two weeks from now:

"Here is my major complaint about the Acela. It's normally on time, but there were two kids on the train who insisted on playing games on their phone. At least I assume they were games and they had the volume up at a high level where I could barely hear the important conversation I was having on my phone, so I of course had to talk louder. Everyone was annoyed at the amount of noise those two kids were making playing their game, though I honestly couldn't hear what they were saying because I was having to talk so loud to hear my conversation. Also, if a train is supposed to be in Boston at 2:30pm..."

Ten Things I Think I Think

2. I think these were the stories of cutdown weekend in the NFL:

a. Tim Tebow is not one of 1,696 active players in the National Football League. The four NFL people to get rid of Tebow—John Elway, Rex Ryan (and, in part, Mike Tannenbaum), Bill Belichick, Chip Kelly—should give you an idea of the odds he faces in returning to the NFL.

This doesn't include a successful head coach like John Fox who was part of getting rid of Tebow too. At a certain point, that's a lot of smart people who seem to agree. 

He’s just not an accurate-enough thrower right now, but as Kelly told him, he needs to play the position in games, and the only place for him to do that now is in the Canadian Football League. If Tebow is serious about continuing his career in the NFL, he should be all about seeking a job in the CFL.

Real question: If Tebow is so dedicated to becoming an NFL quarterback, which isn't something I would normally doubt, then is it overly-prideful of him to not seek a job with the CFL in an effort to get back to the NFL eventually? Doesn't this show he isn't quite as dedicated to becoming an NFL quarterback as he claims to be? He wants to be an NFL quarterback and will work for it, but yeah, he's not going to do something like play in the CFL because that's below him, even if it is a way to where he could eventually get back in the NFL. We have heard all about how dedicated Tebow is, but is he dedicated when he's been told, "Here's the path you need to take" and refuses to take that path? Tebow is serious about playing quarterback in the NFL. He's not serious about playing quarterback in any other league that isn't the NFL to get there. That's a bit diva-like, isn't it? Especially when really good college quarterbacks are currently in the CFL. Somehow other quarterbacks swallow their pride and accept a job playing quarterback in the CFL, because they love to play quarterback and love to play football. Does Tebow like playing football or does he just like playing football in the NFL?

c. Tyrod Taylor is the quarterback of the Bills, and Matt Cassel is on the street. When the offseason began, Vegas odds (just kidding) had Cassel winning the starting job, E.J. Manuel the likely number two, and Tyrod Taylor fighting to fend off the rest of all available quarterbacks for number three. Taylor’s versatility and pleasantly surprising arm strength in camp won him the job. Now Cassel is hoping for a backup job somewhere else, and Houston (as Mike Florio reported Saturday) is a logical landing spot.

Houston is the landing spot for ex-Patriots backup quarterbacks who fooled other NFL teams into thinking they were real starting quarterbacks. Somebody has to make it stop. 

d. The trade for Kelcie McCray shows how serious the Kam Chancellor/AWOL situation is in Seattle. Clearly, the Seahawks are planning to play without Chancellor. That’s a serious situation. Read Greg Bishop’s enlightening story in this week’s Sports Illustrated to see for yourself how much of a leader and locker-room and on-field factor Chancellor is. But he wants to re-do his contract with three years left, and GM John Schneider isn’t willing to budge, for now, on at least making Chancellor’s contract increasingly guaranteed. 

While Peter was gnashing his teeth and worrying about Russell Wilson not being a Seahawk after this season, which again at the time was a ridiculous thought on par with "Are the Ravens going to let Joe Flacco go in free agency?," Kam Chancellor is the real Seahawks player who has the contractual issues. 

g. Andy Levitre, two years after being the highest-paid guard ever by Tennessee, got flipped to Atlanta for a sixth-round pick next year, plus a little more. Levitre should start for the Falcons, after costing Tennessee $1,015,625 per start in the past two years. (Do the division: $32.5 million, 32 starts.)

So Peter is going to eviscerate Levitre on a weekly basis now, right? He was stealing money from the Titans without contributing and ended up on the bench for the 2015 season. Levitre signed with the Titans and then completely didn't come through as he was supposed to, so much so that the Titans traded him. Under the Josh Freeman rule, it's time to eviscerate Levitre, especially if he doesn't start for the Falcons. I guess there is a difference in a guy getting paid $32.5 million to start over two seasons and a guy getting paid $2 million for one season that I'm just not aware of.

I'll never totally understand Peter's hatred for Josh Freeman.

i. One of the game’s best guards, Kyle Long, moves outside to tackle...A month ago, though, in Bears’ camp, Long told me he didn’t want to move, saying:“They’ll have to get a tractor to move me outside to tackle. I’d rather get in a fist fight in a phone booth [at guard] any day. Those guys outside, there’s too much space. Too scary out there.” Well now.

These are the guys who are blocking for Jay Cutler and he's the one with the bad attitude all the time. His tackle doesn't want to protect him at that spot on the offensive line because it's "too scary." I can't imagine why Cutler is in a foul mood all the time. 

5. I think this was the headline of the week in the NFL, from the New York Post, on Sunday, after the Eagles cut Tim Tebow: “GOD MAN OUT.”

Peter expected something better than this? Why would he? 

8. I think Carson Palmer has some interesting comments about football preparation.

On the air pressure he prefers in footballs: “The air is … we never mess with the air. Whatever is legal, he’s by the book. I never notice [if it’s 12.5 or 13.5 psi], I don’t know the difference but if it was low it would be great, obviously. The softer the ball, the easier it is to grip and throw a tighter spiral, especially if it’s wet, especially if it’s windy. If it's windy that throws a whole new angle at it. I’ll play in snow and rain but when it gets to 40- and 50-mph winds, if you can grab the ball a little bit better, it cuts the air better. If it’s rainy you can grip it a little better but between 12.5 and 13.5, I wouldn’t know.”

So what I'm hearing is that Carson Palmer likes a softer ball and has no idea whether the ball he throws has too much or too little air in it, but he definitely prefers a softer ball if possible. I think Roger Goodell should begin an investigation immediately into whether Carson Palmer has knowledge of football deflating. Turn over your phone, Carson!

On Brady: “It’s been so media-overload, when stuff like that starts happening, I just can’t even turn on ESPN. Rules are the rules. If the balls were below, the balls were below. There’s a reason.

Right, but Carson Palmer, who throws footballs for a living, just claimed he has no idea if a ball is over or under-inflated according to the NFL rules. He states he has no idea what the PSI of the ball is, so rules are rules, but if the balls were below, then the balls were below. He's missing the basic question of whether the balls were below. Tom Brady is expected to know the exact PSI of a ball even though Carson Palmer admits he wouldn't know the exact PSI of a ball unless he was told.

9. I think if you have a spare $18.88, a good investment that might yield a pretty great weekend is available at Weekend With The 88s. Carolina tight end Greg Olsen wears 88, and NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. drives the number 88 car and is based in nearby Concord, N.C. If you win, you get a tour of Earnhardt’s garage and Bank of America Stadium on Saturday, Oct. 31; a helicopter ride to Earnhardt’s race on Sunday, and sideline passes and game tickets to the Panthers-Colts game in Charlotte on Monday night, Nov. 2. The fund-raiser benefits Levine Children’s Hospital in Charlotte, with is near to Olsen’s heart.

I see what you did there, Peter. Very tasteful. Did all of the kind words about Dr. Z and how much he is missed by his colleagues make his wife speechless? A fund raiser at Levine is close to Olsen's heart. This isn't egregious or anything, but considering what Olsen's son went through it's just another example of Peter writing something that isn't in the best of taste. Who cares though? How many people has Greg Olsen killed?

In 2012, Olsen’s son T.J. was born with a non-functioning left side of his heart, which required surgery, and he spent 40 days getting treatment there.

See, it's close to Olsen's heart because his son's heart didn't work! Get it? His son spent 40 days in the hospital getting his heart repaired and fundraisers at Levine Children's Hospital are close to Olsen's heart. Oh no! Another unintentional mini-gaffe from Peter. He doesn't intend to write these things, but they just happen. 

10. I think these are my non-football thoughts of the week:

c. Jayson Stark with the MLB Factoid of the Year: Bryce Harper scored four runs Thursday for the Nationals without swinging at a pitch.

d. You can look it up. Four at-bats against Atlanta. Sixteen balls, four called strikes, four walks. Four runs and one RBI, and he never swung in 20 pitches.

This was against the Braves. The fact Bryce Harper had to actually step in the batter's box means this was unimpressive. I could score four runs against the Braves' pitching without even leaving the dugout.

e. Great read by ESPN.com’s Israel Gutierrez on a current event in his life.

Peter thinks Gutierrez is having a "gay wedding." 

h. A bad day, by the way, for the Christian Hackenberg-as-top-overall-2016-pick crowd.

Christian Hackenberg will be the top pick in 2016 in the same way that Jake Locker was going to be the top pick in 2010 or 2011. Just ignore his progression as a quarterback in college and convince yourself to see those things that you want to see. 

i. Regarding Matt Harvey and the Mets and James Andrews and the innings limit they’re fussing about: Why doesn’t Harvey have an MRI done right now, to see if his Tommy John-repaired elbow is in perfect condition? If it isn’t, then the innings limit seems wise. If the elbow looks fine, why not have a reasonable discussion about whether he should pitch as he’s normally pitching now?

j. I’m interested in hearing from an orthopedist, particularly one who has worked on pitching elbows, to see if that idea is reasonable, or malarkey.

I'm not an orthopedist, but I don't know if a doctor can look at an MRI and start to see a potential tear or problem in Harvey's elbow that he hasn't started to feel as of yet. I don't think elbows are like tread on tires where you can see how much it has been used and how much more it has left in it. I could be wrong about what an MRI shows regarding wear on an elbow, but this MRI idea sounds like a bad precedent as well. A precedent I probably wouldn't want to set if I were Matt Harvey. 

l. Beernerdness: So how was the MMQB Saison? Really, really good. Harpoon brewer Steve Theoharides took great care to brew a classic Saison—yellow, cloudy, flavorful, with a hint of banana and clove (don’t laugh; those are great hints of tastes in a beer).

Basically it takes like a fruity beer. Peter loves himself some beer that just doesn't taste like beer, but tastes like a cocktail mixed with beer. I don't mind a few occasionally, but Peter doesn't seem to drink anything but beer that has hints of fruit in it. 

The Adieu Haiku

My picks stink. So don’t
get ticked if it’s Bills-Niners.
Berman Super Bowl.

I'm not sure I understand this reference to Chris Berman or want to understand the reference. I do understand the Adieu Haiku stinks worse than Peter's Super Bowl pick. 

4 comments MMQB Review: Observations From Preseason Games That Mean Nothing But Take Them Seriously Please Edition

Peter King talked about Cris Carter's "fall guy" comment in last week's MMQB. He also (again) apologized for having poor sources (again) who lied to him or gave him bad information (again). But hey, keep apologizing and saying the readers deserve better. I'm sure that will fix the sourcing issue. Peter also talked about enjoying a delicious salad, then downed a few high calorie drinks from Starbucks. This week Peter talks more about deflated footballs, makes observations of every preseason game that he claims don't really matter (his observations are not good), says that he is totally going to publish the fan essays he asked for two months ago, and wants "people" to act and do something about a gun control conversation. I'm pretty sure Congress has more of an impact in whether this conversation occurs than "people" do. I don't even know the point of a national conversation if Congress doesn't care to do anything, but as always, I'm sure "people" need to do something.

Lots of football stories in the NFL this morning, 10 days from the opener. The Eagles, and Sam Bradford, are out of control

Oh no, this sounds horrible.

—in a good way. (Composite first-quarter preseason score: Philadelphia 52, Foes 3.)

YOU GOT ME AGAIN PETER WITH THAT DRAMATIC PAUSE!

NaVorro Bowman plays like J.J. Watt will have competition for Defensive Player of the Year

Who needs an editor when you are Peter King?

Bill Belichick will coach at least eight more years—his words, not mine

Oh, those are Bill Belichick's words? I was confused because I thought Peter King was forcing Bill Belichick to coach at least eight more years, so it's good to know Belichick will do this voluntarily. Glad it's all cleared up.

Drew Brees walks two miles home from practice, lugging his helmet and shoulder pads, through the adopted city he loves, at a time the adopted city really needs it. 

The city NEEDS him to walk through the city after practice. Hey, it's the reward they get for offering him the most guaranteed money a chance to join a city he chose because he knew he would love it so much.

I’m no Fandango or Rotten Tomatoes, and certainly no Hollywood Reporter, but I’ll get involved in some movie business today. Here, we’ll debut the trailer for a movie the NFL is not going to like. (I don’t mean The Curious Case of Thomas Brady either.)

(crickets)

We start, though, with the Nightmare That Will Not Go Away,

It won't go away because sportswriters like you keep writing about it week after week after week after week. How can you expect it to go away when you won't stop talking about it?

coming for the third time to a New York courtroom, forcing Super Bowl MVP quarterback Tom Brady to miss a third Patriots practice while he fights to avoid a four-game suspension, forcing Roger Goodell to put off governance of a distracted league for another day, forcing America to start the 2015 season with endless Deflategate news after ending the 2014 season with endless Deflategate news and having every month of the offseason sullied by endless Deflategate news, while a federal judge decides the fate of Brady’s season and the fate of Goodell’s authority. While we all decide whether to throw our shoes through our TV screens. 

THEN STOP WRITING ABOUT IT! IT'S THAT EASY!

Personally, I think Brady should skate. For now.

But it’s complicated. 

It's complicated by the fact Peter has sources he really shouldn't trust on both sides of this issue and rather than take a definite stand he will probably qualify his opinion and then state the obvious, that's it's complicated.

The best part is Peter again makes the suggestion that the NFL continue to drag out the story he is already tired of. Makes sense. Kick the can down the road a little bit, then complain how long the resolution is taking.

I’ll start at the end: If I were U.S. District Judge Richard Berman, I’d begin today’s proceedings with a question for both sides about a potential compromise:

Seeing as though the pressure in footballs has never been measured at halftime and after games before, and seeing as though no one is exactly certain how much pressure in footballs would be lost over two to four hours on cold days, and seeing as though the Patriots footballs from the AFC Championship Game lost—by the measure of one gauge—a fairly predictable amount of air pressure according to the Ted Wells Report … why can’t both sides agree to table the Brady suspension until the end of the 2015 season?

Peter is tired of this story, but he wants to keep reporting on this story for the next six months.

If the pressure in the footballs on a similarly cold days drops at the same level the pressure in the Patriots’ footballs did, then Brady will not be suspended. If the pressure in the football on similarly cold days drops much less, then Brady—who wants to play several more years—will be suspended for the first four games of 2016.

I'm trying not to laugh at this, but Peter's suggestion for a controversy he is tired of reporting on involves making sure every single time a football game is played in cold weather that the PSI of the football is measured and compared to the PSI of the football on the day of the Colts-Patriots playoff game. So rather than have Judge Berman make a decision, Peter would rather report on this story he is tired of reporting on nearly every single week of the NFL season. This is Peter's solution.

I don’t expect that to happen. I expect Berman to push both sides anew today, trying to force two sides that don’t want to compromise to somehow find a deal. 

It probably won't happen because there does need to be a decision made and complaining this is a long, drawn-out process and then having the resolution be to drag this all out more seems a bit contradictory.

Remember: Berman can suggest, and cajole, and threaten with a you’re-not-going-to-like-what-I-decide wag of the finger to both sides. But he cannot order the two sides to compromise. He has been asked to decide whether to uphold or vacate Brady’s four-game ban by Friday, so the Patriots can know who’s going to play quarterback for them six days later—Brady or neophyte Jimmy Garoppolo. 

Berman can kick the can down the road a little bit more though. Great idea!

Regardless what Berman rules this week—and no one truly knows how it will go—each side could appeal to the United State Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit, also in New York. There, a three-judge panel would hear an appeal (an expedited one, most likely, if Brady playing in the opener is at stake) and rule. 

I know most people want this to all be over at this point. Even Peter King wants it to be over, which is why he thinks the NFL should agree to drag it out and check the PSI of every football that is used in a cold weather game and have some resolution on Brady's possible suspension sometime after the new year. How is making sure this story stays in the forefront of the news for the next six months a bad idea?

I can't get over Peter King not liking how long resolution has taken, while also wanting the resolution to take much longer. I can't come to terms with his solution to the problem.

Seen here on The MMQB for the first time, here's the trailer for “Concussion,” the Sony movie starring Will Smith due out on Christmas Day:

I watched “Concussion” with several staff members of The MMQB recently. It’s the story of Dr. Bennet Omalu, the Nigerian-born neuropathologist and veteran of scores of difficult autopsies. Omalu was the first doctor to ferret out the existence of specific brain trauma in football players after he did the autopsy of several deceased Steelers, among them Mike Webster. The film follows Omalu (played by Smith, with a quite good accent) as he tries to convince the football establishment that the game is hazardous to the brain. The football establishment, as we learned in “League of Denial,” has little interest in listening to Omalu.

The NFL isn't in business to listen to anyone. Roger Goodell laughs at the idea he would listen to some random neuropathologist when he has scores of his own doctors paid by the NFL who are coming up with some much different results.

I watched 16 first halves over the weekend, to see how 32 teams are faring entering cut-down time. My game-by-game observations:

Peter reminds his readers how irrelevant preseason games are until he needs to churn out some content around these games. All of a sudden, they become slightly more relevant when it's the third game of the preseason. I'll apologize in that I only watched one preseason game (and then I didn't watch too intently in the fourth quarter), so I probably have more specific commentary about Peter's comments in the New England-Carolina game since I actually watched it. But hey, his comments were super-stupid, so feel free to point out other dumb shit he said I may have missed.

The headline: NaVorro Bowman is playing out of his mind.

Last week Peter said Bowman took two hours to get ready for a game. Well, Bowman said later in the week this wasn't entirely true. Peter is even having trouble these days with people who aren't anonymous sources giving him accurate information. 

Notes: The Kubiak offense is struggling. “I’d be crazy to not do what Peyton Manning does well,” coach Gary Kubiak told me in training camp. In other words, Kubiak probably won’t call many sprint-outs for his 39-year-old quarterback. But Manning has to play better. He threw a wobbler that Niners safety Eric Reid deflected on the first series, and missed Thomas in the end zone in the second quarter, getting picked by safety Kenneth Acker

Maybe Manning is just dehydrated again and that's why he isn't playing very well. Yeah, that's the ticket. Dehydration.

Stat of the day: The Niners had three first-half first downs. Protection is a definite worry, particularly right tackle Erik Pears.

Yeah, thanks Anthony Davis. Feel free to come back to the NFL when you want. The 49ers will be waiting.

BUFFALO 36, PITTSBURGH 19

The way Vick was firing the ball around Ralph Wilson Stadium (5 of 6, 106 yards), Rex Ryan must have wished he’d signed him in the off-season. 

I'm sure Rex Ryan is so sad he didn't sign Mike Vick. Because we have never seen Vick play really well as he competes for a starting job, only to fall off once he's won the starting quarterback job. How many times are head coaches going to fall for this? Vick looks great! Give him the starting job and watch him not look as great.

NEW ENGLAND 17, CAROLINA 16.

The key for New England is depth, and versatility with that depth—so many of the defensive linemen who will make the team will be able to play inside and outside. Easley, for instance, the first-round pick from a year ago.

This last sentence is a sentence fragment that's on par with some of the worst sentence fragments I have ever written.

For Carolina, tackles Dwan Edwards and Colin Cole played big, and will have to, for Carolina.

I'm guessing Peter doesn't know that neither Edwards or Cole are the defensive tackles that will get the most snaps at that position this year. I'm pretty sure Star Lotulelei and Kawann Short will get the majority of the snaps at the defensive tackle position, seeing as they are the de facto starters. I wouldn't expect Peter know this.

Notes: Garoppolo wasn’t as sharp in Carolina as in the previous two games. He had two interceptions dropped by Panthers.

Yeah, he wasn't. Garoppolo was only 13-17 for 126 yards, 1 touchdown and a 116.3 QB rating. He has definite room for improvement on that shitty performance.

Carolina’s got a major problem with a receiver Ron Rivera really wants to make the team, undrafted Corey Brown. He dropped one sure touchdown, and another ball popped off his chest inside the New England 10-yard line with no one pressuring him.

Not a good night for either starting quarterback. Meh … 

Even with 4-5 drops of catchable balls by his receivers, Cam Newton was 17-28 for 160 yards and a touchdown throw. Peter mentions how Corey Brown dropped every pass his way from Newton, yet doesn't seem to indicate how this affected his "meh" performance. Newton's rating was 88.4 and Tom Brady had a really nice final drive at the end of the first half. It wasn't very Brady-esque, but I'm not sure what game Peter was watching if he thought Garoppolo wasn't sharp and Newton didn't have a good night.

PHILADELPHIA 39, GREEN BAY 26

I clocked how fast Bradford ran the offense on the second series. After the first play, a run, he took successive snaps with 24, 22, 23, 24, 14 and 22 seconds left on the play clock. That is precisely how Chip Kelly wants to play, and for Bradford to have picked that up this fast, coming off ACL tears in two straight seasons, is damn impressive.

Everything Sam Bradford knows he learned from Jeff Fisher.

MIAMI 13, ATLANTA 9

If it’s possible to go 15 of 19 and have a “meh” day, Ryan Tannehill did.

Peter King is all about quarterbacks having "meh" days. I would say 15-19 for 145 yards, 116 QB rating and a touchdown in a half of work isn't exactly a "meh" day. I think a lot of NFL teams would like to see their starters do that. Peter has described three quarterbacks who had a total of 19 incompletions, 3 touchdown passes, 0 interceptions and no QB rating below 88.4 over three halves of football as being "meh."

Stat of the day: Josh Freeman sighting! He hit four of five for 35 yards in relief for Miami.

I don't understand why Peter King hates Josh Freeman so much. I'm not sure I will ever understand. Matt Schaub steals money from the Raiders and is now a backup in Baltimore, yet Peter lets him off the hook entirely.

WASHINGTON 31, BALTIMORE 13

Cousins finished 20 of 27, and he played well. But there’s a reason his trade value has plummeted around the league. I’m not sold by one impressive preseason show.

Cousins' performance was "impressive" and he played well. He had a 190 yards passing, 1 touchdown, 1 interception and a 90.0 rating. I don't think Peter is the best at evaluating how quarterbacks have performed. If Cousins had completed two fewer passes or maybe not thrown an interception, I'm guessing Peter would describe the performance as "meh."

Injuries: The status of Robert Griffin III is … no one knows. He said he felt fine last week, but an independent neurologist held him out of the game. Then ESPN reported the team had decided already to play Cousins in the first game of the regular season, against Miami, which the team denied.

They denied it, then named Cousins the starter for the entire 2015 season. Of course.

NEW YORK JETS 28, NEW YORK GIANTS 18

Fitzpatrick looked in unison with Eric Decker and Brandon Marshall and showed that when he’s not under pressure he can make the throws he needs to make to win. He was just nine of 14 for 127 yards, with two touchdowns and no picks.

Meh.

Injuries: The lingering calf issue that has prevented Victor Cruz from playing in preseason games isn’t going away.

Hence why Peter himself called the calf injury "lingering." It couldn't be lingering if it went away could it?

INDIANAPOLIS 24, ST. LOUIS 14

The headline: A good day for Andrew Luck—and you won’t see it reflected in his numbers.

Andrew Luck could never be "meh." His line looked bad, but his greatness can't be contained in simple numbers, so you have to be the brave soul who looks past the numbers at Luck's greatness.

Nick Foles was 10 of 11 at St. Louis, better-looking than Luck’s 12 of 21. And Luck fumbled on the first snap of the second half, leading to a Rams' score. But Luck wasn’t sacked, and by my count, he was pressured significantly only three times in his two quarters and a play.

But despite not being sacked, not facing significant pressure but three times and committing a turnover, Luck's greatness still shone through to Peter. Not like that asshole Jimmy Garoppolo, who didn't commit a turnover and only threw four incompletions. He wasn't sharp.

Now, that doesn’t mean the line—which has been a question mark almost from the day Luck was drafted—is in great shape; Indy ran for just 2.0 yards per attempt. But keeping the franchise clean is where it starts and ends for that group.

Ohhhhhh...so it's a good day for Andrew Luck because he wasn't sacked and didn't get injured? Apparently most other NFL teams can afford to have their starting quarterback get injured, because wouldn't any preseason game where the starting quarterback didn't get injured be described as "a good day" for that quarterback?

Adam Vinatieri, 42, will be kicking field goals when he’s 72.

Well, I guess Vinatieri doesn't have the option of deciding when he's retiring like Peter gave to Bill Belichick. Vinatieri will be kicking in the NFL for the next 30 years, as decreed by Peter King. 

Jeff Fisher is ticked off at the Rams’ 29 penalties in three preseason games. As well he should be.

Look, the lack of discipline isn't Jeff Fisher's fault. He can only do so much with this group that he had someone else throw together for him. He's gotta get some more time to turn this thing around. Maybe give him a contract extension and see what happens from there.

CLEVELAND 31, TAMPA BAY 7

The headline: The Ray Rice Watch is officially on in Cleveland. The fit’s a good one. Rice is desperate for one more NFL chance. His former position coach in Baltimore, Wilbert Montgomery, is the Browns’ running backs coach and a mentor to Rice. You can be pretty darn sure Rice wouldn’t screw up this opportunity. If I’m Cleveland I’m taking the week’s worth of bad publicity and bringing in a player who will show a strangely entitled back, Terrance West, what football hunger is like.

Ray Rice will show West what it's like to be hungry for an opportunity. If West acts entitled and isn't hungry enough, then Ray Rice is just the guy to knock him around a little and drag him to where he needs to be. If West doesn't understand at that point, well, he needs to just examine his own actions and the part they played in his situation.

Stat of the day: Jameis Winston: 48.9 percent completions, no touchdowns, two picks in three games. Work very much in progress.

Now, THAT is a "meh" line. It's also the line of a rookie and the preseason doesn't really matter much anyway, so there are no conclusions to be drawn.

KANSAS CITY 34, TENNESSEE 10

Notes: Amazing to see the highest-paid guard in the game just two years ago, Andy Levitre, being phased out by Tennessee. Byron Bell moved from right tackle to left guard to replace Levitre, while rookie third-rounder Jeremiah Poutasi moved outside to right tackle and played mostly well against the Chiefs’ excellent edge rush … 

Yes, Titans fans, keep counting on Byron Bell. That's a good way to get Marcus Mariota killed. But remember, nothing is ever Bell's fault and if you think he's not good at his job then you are just being a hater.

MINNESOTA 28, DALLAS 14

Notes: Don’t imagine defensive boss Rod Marinelli would have been a very happy breaking down the tape from this game. The Vikings completed 24 of 27 passes, with just one pick and two sacks … Mike Zimmer, correctly, was excited about Teddy Bridgewater’s seven-of-seven night, and not just because of the numbers. You can see Bridgewater processing his progressions with patience …

But...but...Bridgewater has small hands. Plus, he did have one bad workout that caused Mike Mayock to move him down in his rankings as the best quarterback in the draft to being tied as the fifth-best quarterback in the draft. Not that Mike Mayock just randomly makes his rankings up or anything. It must have been a horrible workout.

SEATTLE 16, SAN DIEGO 15

The headline: Repeat after me, Seahawkers: Preseason doesn’t count … Preseason doesn’t count. Russell Wilson has led 12 offensive drives in three practice games. Zero touchdowns. Good for Pete Carroll for admitting Saturday night: “We’re all a little frustrated with it.” Six catches, 75 yards for Jimmy Graham—that could be better. But I’ll make this point in defense of the Seahawks for now: They’ve faced three of the best pass-rush teams in football (Denver, K.C., San Diego) so far. You have to remember that over the last 11 seasons, heading into this one, New England has the best record in football in the regular season and was only 20-24 in the preseason.

Peter King: "Here are my observations based on the third preseason game that means the most of any preseason game. I'll spend 40-50% of MMQB on these observations and conclusions I've come to for each team."

Peter King when the Seahawks struggle on offense in the preseason: "It's just the preseason. It may mean absolutely nothing at all. Plus, the Seahawks faced some really good teams in the preseason, but don't mention the fact these teams didn't play their best players for the majority of the game. That needs to be irrelevant. Hey, the Patriots aren't good in the preseason and they are a great team in the regular season. So really, the preseason means nothing. Now here are more of my observations and conclusions about the preseason that I want you to take seriously, even though I just pointed out results in the preseason probably don't mean much."

Second-round Seattle defensive end Frank Clark, the controversial pick after being kicked off his Michigan team under a cloud of domestic violence, ticked off the Chargers with what two of their linemen said was extra physicality against Philip Rivers at the bottom of a pile in the first half of the game …

Again, this last sentence doesn't make sense at all. Peter's editor seems to have dropped the ball twice in the initial posting of this MMQB. Also, it's interesting that Peter meant to say Clark was "extra physical" against Philip Rivers immediately after mentioning Clark was kicked off the Michigan team due to a domestic violence accusation. It seems he's just extra physical throughout his life.

Peter should ask Frank Clark if he's ever killed anybody.

In July, looking for candidates for the fan network that The MMQB is launching this season, I asked readers to send in a short essay on why you love the team you do. We were overwhelmed by the number of responses—and by the nature of the submissions. Your stories were poignant, powerful, pained and funny. We heard from fans all over the country and all over the world, men and women of all ages, who told us about their passion for the team they grew up with, or adopted, or came to love in some crazy way. Because of the quantity and quality of responses, we’ve rethought our approach to the project.

The new approach is that you will just keep talking about the project and how great the submissions are rather than ever publishing the responses you received?

The new plan: We’re organizing the submissions we’ve received and grouping them by team allegiances. As we plan stories throughout the 2015 season and beyond, we’ll draw from that pool based on our contributors’ backgrounds.

We might ask a single contributor to write a story on a particular topic; we might call on a group of fans of one team to participate in a roundtable, or fans of various teams to debate league issues. Contributors might be asked to share photos or videos from their NFL experiences.

We might ask a single contributor to write a story on a particular topic; we might call on a group of fans of one team to participate in a roundtable, or fans of various teams to debate league issues. Contributors might be asked to share photos or videos from their NFL experiences.

No one is covering the NFL through the eyes of fans, other than Twitter, Facebook, and talk radio. Other than those mediums, the average fan has nearly no voice or way to share their opinion in a public fashion.

“Leave Tom Brady alone! He is a champion and a winner. Leave him alone.”

—Donald Trump, a fund-raiser in Norwood, Mass., Friday night, according to the Boston Globe.

Well, no one can accuse Donald Trump of not knowing how to play to a crowd.

This is low-hanging fruit, and I do not mean to bum out fans of the Browns this morning.

Repeat after me...and now Peter will bum out fans of the Browns this morning.

In April 2011—two coaches and two general managers ago—the Browns traded the sixth pick in the draft to Atlanta for two first-round picks, a second-round pick and two fourth-round picks. Atlanta picked wide receiver Julio Jones, who caught 104 passes for 1,593 yards last year, and earned a five-year, $72-million contract extension Saturday with the Falcons.

From the five picks in that trade, there is one player left on the Browns: backup defensive tackle Phil Taylor (who played 11 snaps as a backup Saturday night in Tampa). Cleveland drafted Danny Shelton in the first round this year, and Shelton has made Taylor, riddled by injury and unimpactful as a Brown, obsolete.

Then Peter points out the Browns traded up to get Phil Taylor in the 2011 draft and gave up the 70th draft in addition to the 27th pick to move up to the 21st pick. That 70th pick turned into Justin Houston.

With the 70th pick in the 2011 draft, Chiefs GM Scott Pioli chose Georgia linebacker Justin Houston.

Houston led the NFL with 22 sacks last year.

Here is the issue though: The assumption is the Browns could have had Justin Houston and Julio Jones, but this is assuming the Browns were smart enough to draft these two players. Did the Browns under Tom Heckert show the ability to recognize talent like Jones and Houston? I would argue they did not show this ability to be smart enough to draft these guys anyway. I can't assume the Browns were smart enough to draft Houston and Jones, even without making a trade, when they couldn't get any of the other five picks in that trade to make an impact on the team.

Of course, Peter called Taylor "the best nose man in the draft" and said he was a fit in a 3-4 or 4-3 defense, so I guess the Browns had the same foresight that Peter did.

Mr. Starwood Preferred Member Travel Note of the Week

One more reason why living in Manhattan, and exercising there occasionally, is so good.

Whaaaaaaaaaaat? Peter has never mentioned exercising and living in Manhattan is so good before. This is completely out of left field that Peter would dare mention he enjoys exercising in Manhattan. He's never talked about this before, unless you want to count how mentions how he loves exercising in Manhattan in MMQB as much as possible. In fact, Peter of late has LOVED just talking about how much he exercises. He's the guy on Facebook who just started exercising and can't wait to tell everyone how much he does it and wants to humblebrag about his accomplishments.

On Saturday morning about 7:50, I entered Central Park to run the perimeter, which I do many weekends.

Peter has never talked about running in Central Park before. This is too much new information being thrown at me in such a short span of time.

One other note to depress you weekend runners (and me too): As I passed the marker for mile one on the road through Central Park, the first group of runners was just passing. The electronic time read “4:42.” And six or eight guys to my left sprinted past, not even breathing hard.

Please tell me more about your exercise regimen. I wonder if Peter has been featured in any running magazines lately? I need to know this information. Thousands of people exercise and don't feel the need to tell everyone else about it. It's almost like they do it for their own purposes and don't require the attention of others to feel good about exercising.

Ten Things I Think I Think

1. I think it’s always a highlight of the summer when the Football Outsiders Almanac lands in the mail, or the inbox, with previews on every team, and much more. You’re always a smarter football fan (or media member) when you read the annual Aaron Schatz-edited tome. Some highlights to educate you:

d. The average NFL quarterback throws his average third-down pass 1.4 yards past the sticks. Since 2011, Alex Smith has thrown his average third-down pass 1.7 yards SHORT of the sticks. He's the only quarterback with at least 300 attempts on third downs since 2011 whose average throw is short of the sticks.

Having Alex Smith as your quarterback is like eating at Panera Bread. It's more expensive than you would like, but you never really have a bad time, yet you constantly get the feeling you could spend that money somewhere else. Still, it's good enough to enjoy, but you always aren't totally satisfied with what you got. It's too expensive for what you get, but sometimes there just isn't a better option available. That's Alex Smith.

e. Want to affect Peyton Manning? Blitz him from the secondary. Manning struggled against defensive-back blitzes even though Denver opponents almost never used this strategy. Manning faced DB blitzes on just 6.8 percent of passes—only Matthew Stafford faced them less often—but had just 5.7 yards per pass on these plays.

Maybe Manning struggled on these plays because he wasn't blitzed from the secondary often, so it took him by surprise. Perhaps if NFL teams start blitzing Manning from the secondary more often then he will start to expect it and be more successful against blitzes against this strategy. Sometimes things work at the rate they do work because they aren't used often, and if they were used more often, the success rate would fall.

h. San Diego used play-action on just 8.0 percent of plays, the lowest figure of any team in FO’s game-charting data since the 2008 Arizona Cardinals. Yet when they did use play-action, the Chargers had a league-high 9.6 yards per pass.

The exact same principle could apply here. It's possible the Chargers used play-action so little that when they did use it, then it was highly successful due to opposing teams who study film seeing their tendency to not use play-action often.

3. I think if I were Jay Gruden, I’d be starting Colt McCoy, not Kirk Cousins, right now.

Peter King is not Jay Gruden. If Peter's name was Peter Gruden, then perhaps he could be like Jay Gruden and get an NFL head coaching job because teams are enamored with his last name.

4. I think I’m a Bill O’Brien believer, at least in how he handles the team, after watching “Hard Knocks” the other night. Last week was the first chance I’ve gotten to see the series this summer—this just in: J.J. Watt’s intense—and the last bit of the show was O’Brien telling his quarterback room (Brian Hoyer, Ryan Mallett, Tom Savage) who’d won the quarterback competition between Hoyer and Mallett. This was 100 seconds of decision-making and good communication, not overly dramatic but decisive, telling each player exactly where he stands. I liked it. 

O'Brien handles his team and communicated so well to his team that Ryan Mallett shut down after not being named starter and did not attend practice. It's not O'Brien's fault that Mallett acted like a baby when he wasn't named starter, but I find it interesting the very decision that Peter credits as "good communication" and an example of how well Bill O'Brien handles his team is the decision that so far has caused the most discord among the members of the team who were told the decision. Great timing, Peter.

5. I think, by the way, that was brilliant cinematography to close the show in a very “Sopranos” kind of way. O’Brien walks from the room, closes the door, then is shown walking down a hallway in the Texans offices, clearing his throat, walking, walking, opening another door, walking, having the door close … and fade to black. End of show. Very, very cool.

This should be a part of topic #4 since Peter isn't switching topics, but instead has another thought about topic #4. So the brilliant cinematography should be a part of the same topic that Peter discussed where Peter discusses how O'Brien told the quarterbacks who the starter was going to be.

Here's the funny part though...

a. ... Here's a spoiler for this week's episode: Cornerback Charles James—who has been doubling as a Texans running back in camp—plays Odell Beckham Jr., in “Madden ’15.” That's cover man Odell Beckham Jr.

Peter puts a thought that is about "Hard Knocks" but not at all about the person or subject of topic #5 as "a" to topic #5. So talking about how great Bill O'Brien communicated to his quarterbacks about who the starter is and then commenting on the cinematography being great as O'Brien walked down the hall after he broke this news to his quarterbacks are two separate topics. Great cinematography and which two NFL players participate against each other in "Madden '15" are part of the same topic #5 though. Obviously.

6. I think if you read this column last week, you read a pensive John Elway feeling bad about cutting Peyton Manning’s base salary from $19 million to $15 million this year, and putting the $4 million into incentives, and then Elway saying he hoped Manning understood that he was going to use the money to make the team as solid a Super Bowl contender as possible. So … the Broncos signed a Pro Bowl guard, Evan Mathis, for $2.5 million this year, with an extra $1.5 in incentives. So if Mathis plays 16 games and plays at least 85 percent of the snaps—and if both happen, the Broncos will certainly be getting their $4 million worth—

There you go. The math adds up.

My gut feeling is Manning is still stung by taking a pay cut he did not deserve. But at least he knows the money went to some good use. 

That's very unselfish of Peyton Manning to make a decision to cut his salary for the benefit of the team and then stew over it for a few months. Though it wouldn't shock me if Peter's gut feeling is wrong. If Peter's gut feeling is as accurate as his sources are, then Manning is probably thrilled he took a pay cut.

The Eagles don’t play at home when the Phillies are playing across the street, so that eliminated Weeks 1 and 4 of the NFL season. And the Archdiocese of Philadelphia requested the Eagles not be at home in Week 3 either. On that Sunday, Sept. 27, from 4 to 6:30 p.m. outside the Philadelphia Art Museum, some 2 million are expected to participate in a mass celebrated by Pope Francis. “The Pope did influence the NFL schedule,” NFL senior vice president of broadcasting Howard Katz told me back in April, on the night of the schedule release.

Roger Goodell was probably pissed that the Pope influenced the NFL schedule. The Pope speaks to God, but Roger Goodell is above God in the universe's pecking order. So it would have been nice if the Pope could have spoken to God and then had both of them defer to Goodell's wishes. Show some respect.

I just thought of this: The Eagles play the Jets at 1 p.m. on the 27th. Team buses will leave the Meadowlands about 5:15 p.m. (best guess) for the 85-minute drive (normally) back to Philadelphia. Imagine driving into the teeth of 2 million people leaving the city when you’re arriving. That’ll be a fun evening for the KYW traffic reporters.

I understand Peter's point, but not every person that is coming to the mass on that Sunday will be leaving the city. Some of those people attending the mass probably live in the city. So 2 million people probably won't be leaving the city at the same time.

10. I think these are my non-football thoughts of the week:

a. I’m not advocating taking away anyone’s guns.

The exception to the rule. Usually, Peter would immediately advocate taking away guns. In this case, Peter is actually NOT advocating taking away guns. He probably wants to, but he's not advocating for it.

But in the wake of the point-blank murders on live TV in Roanoke this week, and the unprovoked and outrageous slaughter of a Harris County sheriff’s deputy while fueling his car Saturday (the 23rd killing by gun of a law-enforcement officer in the United States this year), it is inexcusable in this country if we do not have a national discussion on gun violence.

The only people who can do something about this is Congress. "We" can only do so much, but hands become tied when the legislature refuses to take this conversation and turn it into action. It's going to take something bigger, somebody more important getting killed before Congress wants to take action on the conversation "we" should be having.

I do know we’re being irresponsible if we simply roll over, throw up our hands and say there’s nothing we can do about it.

b. Act, people. Act!

There is only so much acting that can be done when "we" don't have the ability to legislate and change laws. Congress could act, but they are choosing not to. Maybe that is the will of the people...or at least Congress thinks it is.

c. Looking more and more like a Toronto-Kansas City ALCS. That’ll be fun.

Wait, why is it looking more and more like a Toronto-Kansas City ALCS? Peter does realize the MLB playoffs haven't even started yet and the "best" teams lose all the time in a short playoff series, right? If the NLCS was decided by what it looks like on paper right now would happen, then the NLCS would be St. Louis-Pittsburgh and I doubt that is how the NL playoffs will shake out.

i. Seen some bad bullpens in my life. This Red Sox bullpen. Yeesh. Arsonistas.

Try being a Braves fan and having a bullpen with an ERA of 4.63 (29th best) and not a Red Sox fan with a bullpen ERA of 4.26 (24th best). Who I am kidding though? Statistics can't measure how tortured Peter King (and probably Bill Simmons...though I don't care because I don't miss him at all) is by the Red Sox bullpen, so I'm sure the 4.26 bullpen ERA the Red Sox have is much worse than the bullpen ERA of the six teams in the majors below them in ERA. 

j. Boston trailed the Mets 2-0 entering the seventh inning Friday night. Boston’s bullpen walked eight men the rest of the way … and the Red Sox won 6-4 in 10 innings.

WHAT A TORTURED STORY! THE RED SOX GAVE UP THE GAME, BUT THEN THEY WON ANYWAY! HOW DOES PETER GO ON WITH LIFE?

Try giving up 38 runs in a three game series. It's fun.

The Adieu Haiku

Preseason ends Thurs.
The end can’t come soon enough.
Two games max, owners.

Two preseason games and the Adieu Haiku goes away forever. That would be the elimination of three totally useless and pointless things. 

11 comments Jay Mariotti Reacts to Tom Brady's Reaction to His Upheld Four Game Suspension in Typical Jay Mariotti Fashion, With Terrible Sportswriting

I've probably mentioned on various social media platforms (fine, only Twitter) that I'm tired of the story about the Patriots deflating footballs. I won't call it DeflateGate, even though that's much easier to type than typing "the Patriots deflating footballs." I believe Brady probably knew something about it and I believe the NFL has really screwed the whole investigation up. Even though I'm an A-Rod apologist, I don't condone cheating, but from everything I've read I'm not entirely sure how much cheating deflating the football really ends up being. I'm not sure the NFL knows either. So in a judgment-free zone on whether Brady is guilty, innocent, or framed, I prefer to focus on the terrible sportswriting that comes from reactions to the four game suspension Brady received for deflating the footballs. Jay Mariotti wrote back-to-back columns eviscerating Brady and Jay is at his red-faced, terrible writing best (worst) in them.

I'll start with his July 28 column where he compares Tom Brady to Richard Nixon.

Well, so much for the 2024 presidential bid. Unless you are Nixonian in your political bent,

Unless you love corruption, you should hate Tom Brady. Why? He's no G.I. Joe, because he's not an American hero.

you’ll understand why Tom Brady has lost all credibility not only as an American hero but as someone who deserves not even a saliva spit of support in the Deflategate scandal.

I literally have never thought of Tom Brady as an American hero.

It’s one thing to argue that Brady, in the AFC championship game, performed better with footballs that were properly inflated in the second half than with purposely underdeflated balls in the first half.

By "one thing" Jay means, "This could go to the effect the underinflated balls had on the game and therefore could potentially go to the merit and severity of a punishment." It's still cheating if a team doesn't gain an advantage, but it doesn't seem the Patriots gained an advantage in this specific situation.

it means “The Man Every Other Male Aspires To Be” and “The Greatest Quarterback Of All Time” has committed these sins:

1. He knowingly participated in a scam with team equipment managers to deflate footballs, which gave him a competitive advantage while violating league rules. That makes him a cheater.

2. He denied participating in the scam. That makes him a liar.

3. He had an associate destroy the smoking phone and, by extension, the probable incriminating evidence on that phone, meaning he refused to cooperate. That makes him a cover-up artist.

4. On the way to his associate's house in order to make sure his associate was there, he texted this person. This means he was texting and driving.

5. Brady was clocked by at least one police radar as going 5 miles over the speed limit while on his way to the associate's house. This makes him a speeder and law breaker.

6. He tried to steer out of the way of a squirrel on his way to the associate's house, but ran over the squirrel instead. This means Brady was guilty of involuntary manslaughter.

7. After walking back in his house, he threw his recyclable water bottle into a regular trash can. This is just him flagrantly showing the city's recycling rules do not apply to him. What other rules does Tom Brady think don't apply to him? No need to answer that question, because it's obvious now.

Is it possible four games aren’t enough, then, that Brady should have been banned for the entire season?

At the very least, he should be decapitated. At the most, one of his children should be sold into slavery. So any punishment in between seems appropriate, though a real American hero would just go ahead and sell his child into slavery now instead of waiting for this punishment to be handed down.

Given New England’s status as a dynasty, with four Super Bowl titles in the 21st century, Brady’s continuing defiance is raising the same doubts about the Patriots that the Steroids Era did about Major League Baseball.

Yes Jay, these two events are completely similar. Tom Brady deflated footballs in one playoff game by a certain amount of PSI and this is similar to what happened over a 6-8 year span where multiple baseball players used PED's to gain an edge over a multiple game span and destroy current records in the MLB record book. One is the same as the other.

I'm surprised Jay didn't hit us with a "In the Steroid Era, the players got pumped up to gain an edge, while Brady deflated in order to gain his edge."

How much of their success is real,

79.6541%.

how much is deceitful?

20.3459%. 

“He did so even though he was aware that the investigators had requested access to text messages and other electronic information that had been stored on that phone,” Goodell said in his appeals decision. “During the four months that the cellphone was in use, Brady had exchanged nearly 10,000 text messages, none of which can now be retrieved from that device.”

The world may never know what pet names he and Gisele have for each other. For this, someone must pay, and that person is Tom Brady.

But for once, in a tenure tarnished by his irresponsible handling of the Ray Rice case and an erratic record of off-field punishments in general, Goodell seems to be spot-on.

If anyone was ever wondering who that person is that feels Goodell was "spot-on" with his handling of the situation where Brady allegedly deflated footballs, then you can rest easy knowing that person is Jay Mariotti. No one should be shocked by this. Jay would side with Westboro Baptist Church if it helped him write a column that bashes an athlete or coach.

He could have waffled and given weight to his all-but-dead friendship with Kraft, who defended Goodell publicly and in ownership circles as he was attacked amid the Rice fallout. But this time, he stood firm in front of the league’s so-called shield and avoided all wishy-washiness. 

There is a clear difference in standing firm for solid factual and evidentiary reasons and standing firm because the decision has been made and that's the decision. I don't think Goodell should have necessarily waffled, but not changing his mind doesn't mean his decision was correct in the very first place.

Harmful as the Rice, Greg Hardy and Adrian Peterson abuse cases have been to the league’s image and reputation, maintaining the game’s competitive integrity is vitally important, too, particularly when it involves the league’s most visible and acclaimed player.

The game's integrity is very important, but I would argue that making sure the athletes involved with the sport don't abuse children or women is more important to ensuring fans aren't alienated than ensuring a football is at the proper PSI level would be.

What we have now is Brady, in frantic image-restoration mode, legally challenging the ruling and seeking an injunction allowing him to play.

Remember back when Jay Mariotti started at Sports Talk Florida and the "Examiner," back when he talked about how the legal system is corrupt (against rich white men!) and he understands this because of all he had gone through? Welp, now he's describing Brady exercising his legal rights as his being in "frantic image-restoration mode." As expected, when Jay talked about how he understood the American legal system and how it swallowed people up, he only meant he understood this from his perspective. Everyone else deserves whatever they get. The legal system is against Jay Mariotti, while everyone else is getting treated fairly.

If Brady was smart, he’d accept his four games and go away. It’s hard to believe even the most venomous Goodell critic would side with Brady now. He will argue the Wells report is flawed and the ball-deflation rules were unfairly applied. Um, why would an innocent man destroy a phone that could help him if wronged?

What a bad counterargument to the idea the ball-deflation rules were unfairly applied. Brady destroying his phone is circumstantial evidence that can go to support the belief he was attempting to destroy evidence, but the destruction of the phone isn't a counterargument to the Wells report being flawed or whether the ball-deflation rules were fairly applied or not. Again, for someone who claims to understand the legal system, Jay is very clueless about how the veracity of legal challenges can be determined. If the ball-deflation rules weren't unfairly applied, then this could mean Brady will win his legal case. Just like if evidence is mishandled in a criminal case, it doesn't matter if the suspect acted very suspiciously to where it seemed like he was covering up a crime. I can't let Jay take me down this rabbit hole. He's ignorant, we know that.

“Especially in light of the new evidence introduced at the hearing — evidence demonstrating that he arranged for the destruction of potentially relevant evidence that had been specifically requested by the investigators — my findings and conclusions have not changed in a matter that would benefit Mr. Brady,” Goodell said.

Team Brady’s response? “Neither Tom nor the Patriots did anything wrong,” agent Don Yee said. “And the NFL has no evidence that anything inappropriate occurred. The appeal process was a sham.”

For the record, there was no denial that the smoking phone was destroyed.

For the record, Brady admits the phone was destroyed. Why did he do this? Who the fuck knows? I can take a guess, but it's just a guess. Regardless, I just enjoy reading Jay's terrible writing about this topic. Considering I find ball deflation to be boring, I need to get my enjoyment on this topic where it can be found.

Now for the July 29 article that Jay compares Brady to Lance Armstrong, Pete Rose, and Tiger Woods. Yeah, Tiger Woods. Tiger cheated on his spouse, which apparently is now the same thing as using PED's and betting on baseball.

Tom Brady is 37 years old. He looks 27 years old. And now, he’s acting 17 years old,

Real strong hot take to start the column off. If only Brady's son were 7 years old then Jay could have thrown that in there too.

using his Facebook account — gee, what’s his relationship status? —

This isn't really funny or clever. Brady is married, Jay. He's married to a supermodel. That's his status.

If he was a mature, reasonable person, he’d call a news conference, invite the world, look every reporter in the eye, stare every camera in the lens and say, for posterity, “I’ll take your questions for the next two hours.”

I always love the sportswriter challenge to determine true honesty which can only be determined by that athlete calling a press conference and answering the media's questions. Because answering questions from sportswriters is always the best way to determine honesty. Sportswriters like Jay have such a high opinion of themselves that they believe they should be the final arbiter on whether an athlete is lying or not. Sure, if Tom Brady called a press conference then it would give Jay something more interesting to write about, but mostly it's Jay's ego which causes him to believe he's not merely a member of the press, but the person who should stand in final judgment regarding Brady's honesty.

You know, if Jay Mariotti were a reasonable, mature person then he would call a press conference and talk about exactly what happened on that day when he was accused of assaulting his ex-girlfriend. Jay would NEVER do that, because he considers it a private affair. I mean, Jay Mariotti had a chance to clear his name and totally chose not to do that. He pled no-contest, but he wants Tom Brady to stand up and defend himself in a press conference where he can take questions for two hours. Few things anger me more than the hypocrisy of the media. Jay doesn't believe he has an obligation to explain himself, but of course when it's not Jay in the firing line then only a mature, reasonable person would call a press conference to explain himself.

Instead, Brady logged onto Facebook, where he doesn’t have to answer questions but can continue to twist his obvious wrongdoing into an increasingly absurd drama that is becoming a national headache.

I will agree with the "national headache" part. 

“To suggest that I destroyed a phone to avoid giving the NFL information it requested is completely wrong,” he wrote. “There is no ‘smoking gun’ and this controversy is manufactured to distract from the fact they have zero evidence of wrongdoing.”

Zero evidence? The NFL has 11 underinflated footballs from the first half of January’s AFC championship game.

I think the issue is that Brady and the Patriots are not convinced these footballs were underinflated. That's the source of their disagreement, that the Patriots and Brady dispute the notion these balls weren't inflated properly. 

The NFL knows that both equipment managers were fired by the New England Patriots. And when the NFL asked Brady to provide a cellphone that might help prove his innocence, he chose to get rid of the phone just before his meeting with investigator Ted Wells.

I'm not defending Brady, but his statement is that he was under the impression that the investigators didn't need his phone. Also, Brady wasn't going to just let them search his phone. By the way, this is a stance I guess the majority of Americans would take if their employer (or another entity that isn't a law enforcement entity) requested their cell phone. I don't give my cell phone number out to but a select few at my work, so I certainly am not going to allow my employer or anyone else search my cell phone. Destroying the phone does seem a bit extreme without having some more context. 

Now, we’ve lost respect for him as a human being.

This statement coming from Jay Mariotti is hilarious. I haven't lost respect for Tom Brady as a human being, even if is totally guilty. It's sports, guys. Let's keep a little perspective. Brady didn't kill anyone or commit a violent crime against humanity. 

Would he please accept his four-game suspension like a man rather than pouting like Bart Simpson?

Even a decade ago this reference wouldn't be relevant. Bill Simmons is embarrassed for Jay Mariotti that he used such a dated pop culture reference. 

“I also disagree with yesterdays [sic] narrative surrounding my cellphone. I replaced my broken Samsung phone with a new iPhone 6 AFTER my attorneys made it clear to the NFL that my actual phone device would not be subjected to investigation under ANY circumstances. As a member of a union, I was under no obligation to set a new precedent going forward, nor was I made aware at any time during Mr. Wells’ investigation, that failing to subject my cell phone to investigation would result in ANY discipline.”

That's Brady's story. It could all be lies. Plus, it's a smart move as a member of the union to not a set a precedent for your phone to be searched. 

Hey, while he’s sitting in September, at least Tom can bank his check from Apple for the iPhone 6 plug. 

Yes, because Apple needs Tom Brady to name drop the iPhone in order to sell the product. 

As for the broken Samsung phone, we’ll just assume the dog ate it.

Again, there is no need to assume anything because Brady admits he destroyed the phone. This is the second time that Jay has indicated Brady is hiding the phone or not admitting what he did with his cell phone. One very clear thing that has occurred through this entire mad legal battle between the NFL and Brady, and that clear thing is that Brady destroyed his cell phone. 

There may be no smoking gun, but there is a smoking cellphone, wherever it went.

Maybe Jay should go check landfills or check at the bottom of rivers, as if Brady's phone is a murder weapon and not a cell phone that got destroyed in order to cover up evidence of DEFLATED FUCKING FOOTBALLS. 

And I can’t wait for a judge, assuming Brady’s legal challenge actually advanced that far, to subpoena Samsung for his cellphone records. Does Brady really want to go there? Doesn’t he realize how the lies are piling up and digging him a deeper grave?

Why does this matter so much to Jay? If the records are subpoenaed and Brady is seen as a liar, then it only strengthens Jay's assertion that Brady is a deceitful little shit and the commissioner should throw the book at him. Why worry about Brady lying if you think he'll be caught? 

The operative word is entitlement. Every time a cheating athlete is caught red-handed — for performance-enhancing drugs, for gambling, for bimbo sex, for corked bats, for lubed baseballs and, now, for doctored footballs — he feels enabled to deny the charge rather then fess up. 

I don't mean to dismiss the importance of footballs that are inflated slightly below the limit allowed, but to compare it to using PED's, gambling, and cheating on your wife is a little bit of an overreaction from Jay. 

While Brady’s sin doesn’t rise to the same level, he joins Lance Armstrong, Tiger Woods, Pete Rose and all the baseball juicers on Rebuttal Row. Ultimately, all were proven wrong and forced to acknowledge guilt. Brady will have to do the same, but not anytime soon.

I don't even know what to write in response to this. I think the absurdity of comparing these players to Tom Brady is fairly apparent. There really aren't levels of cheating, and I have no idea how Tiger cheating on his wife relates to cheating in sports, but it seems extreme to compare Brady deflating footballs in one playoff game to Lance Armstrong cheating through multiple Tour de France victories, Rose gambling on baseball, and every MLB player who has ever used PED's. It seems like a rather broad comparison as well. 

By that, Kraft was acknowledging that he’d agreed to accept the NFL’s penalty for the Patriots — a $1 million fine and forfeiture of two draft picks — during the May league meetings in San Francisco. In other words, he thought he was playing a wink-wink game with Goodell: The Patriots would take the hit if Brady’s ban eventually was reduced or eliminated. Shame on Kraft for thinking a commissioner should work in such a wishy-washy manner.

The terms of punishment for a cheating scandal should not be negotiable.

Despite the fact the NFL reportedly did try to negotiate with Brady to decrease his punishment if he just admitted to wrongdoing.

Again, I find it interesting that Jay doesn't think terms of punishment for cheating in sports shouldn't be negotiable, but he was glad to plead no-contest to stalking and assaulting his girlfriend in order to avoid jail time and/or a trial. Apparently Jay feels that deflating footballs is a much more serious offense than allegedly abusing your girlfriend, to where deflating footballs should have no negotiable punishment, but allegedly abusing your girlfriend can be pled out to no-contest because it's not quite a serious enough accusation for the punishment to be non-negotiable.

The New England sleaze is a reminder of how fortunate we are, in the Bay Area, to enjoy two championship teams that aren’t scandalized.

I'm sure Jay wrote this with a straight face while ignoring the column he wrote about Barry Bonds, who played in the Bay Area, and was part of a scandal Jay discussed a few paragraphs ago. He wrote here about Bonds. I'm sure Jay doesn't remember this though. He would NEVER knowingly contradict himself or be a hypocrite.

He is firing a missile at the commissioner in a declaration of war, and that the owner who helped Goodell get his job — one that pays him as much as $44 million annually — now can be considered a mortal enemy. In the end, the powerful owners run this league, and while Kraft and Brady won’t win in court, Kraft can exact his revenge by trying to rub Goodell out of office.

And that's the right Kraft has as one of Goodell's 32 bosses. Goodell serves at the pleasure of the owners. 

Kraft sounds silly in claiming ESPN is in cahoots with the NFL to get the Patriots, ignoring that the media behemoth has been one of Goodell’s biggest critics in his mishandling of the Ray Rice case and other issues. “The decision by commissioner Goodell was released … under an erroneous headline that read, ‘Tom Brady destroyed his cellphone.’ This headline was designed to capture headlines across the country and obscure evidence regarding the tampering of air pressure in footballs,” 

Not exactly, Kraft was merely claiming that ESPN uses headlines designed to get readers/viewers and that's not a false statement. ESPN does do this, as does many other sports sites or networks.

And yes, the idea ESPN would be in bed with the NFL sounds crazy as long as you ignore the specific instances where ESPN has protected NFL interests by suspending Bill Simmons after he criticized Roger Goodell, canceled "Playmakers" because the NFL didn't like it, and got their contribution to the PBS documentary on concussions removed. Oh, and ESPN has the rights to certain NFL games. You know, other than their financial interest in supporting the NFL and the previous attempts to protect the league, ESPN has no history of being in cahoots with the league.

Training camps have started, gentlemen. The football season is here. Tom Brady destroyed his cellphone. Innocent men don’t destroy their cellphones.

I have destroyed a cell phone before. My cell phone display cracked when I stepped on it one time and rather than have a cracked cell phone hanging around I smashed it with a hammer (for fun) and threw it out. I had no special numbers on there, I just didn't want anyone to get my personal information when I threw it out. Maybe innocent men don't destroy their cellphones, but most innocent/guilty men aren't Tom Brady and have the phone number of many celebrities, athletes, models, and family members on their phone. I think someone would want to steal Brady's phone when/if it got thrown away in order to have these numbers. 

I need two aspirin.

So Jay's terrible writing gives him a headache too. At least we have that in common.