16 comments Stop Gushing Over Matt Ryan

Yeah, I said it.

I cannot question the Falcons' 9-2 record. Ultimately a win is a win. And sure, Matt Ryan drove the Falcons down the field for the game winning field goal against one of the top teams in the NFC (Green Bay). But let's take a look at that drive for a second. Here is the official play-by-play of that final drive.

1-10-GB 49 (:49) (Shotgun) 2-M.Ryan pass short right to 84-R.White ran ob at GB 40 for 9 yards (55-D.Bishop)

2-1-GB 40 (:43) (Shotgun) 2-M.Ryan pass short left to 12-M.Jenkins to GB 36 for 4 yards (37-S.Shields).

1-10-GB 36 (:29) (Shotgun) 2-M.Ryan pass short left to 83-H.Douglas ran ob at GB 32 for 4 yards (21-C.Woodson).

2-6-GB 32 (:22) (Shotgun) 2-M.Ryan pass short left to 83-H.Douglas pushed ob at GB 29 for 3 yards (26-C.Peprah).

Timeout #2 by GB at 00:18

3-3-GB 29 (:18) (Shotgun) 2-M.Ryan pass incomplete short right to 84-R.White.

Timeout #3 by GB at 00:13.

4-3-GB 29 (:13) 3-M.Bryant 47 yard field goal is GOOD, Center-82-J.Zelenka, Holder-9-M.Koenen.

"Matty Ice," known for his ability in clutch games, began the drive on the Green Bay 49 yard line. That's right, inside Green Bay territory. Not at his own 20 with the defense forcing throws to the middle to eat up clock. Even Derek Anderson could have ended this game with a win.

While we can commend Ryan for completing four straight passes during the drive, these throws advanced the team a mere 20 yards. In all honesty, two draws to Michael Turner, each followed by a spike, may have picked up the same yardage. A great quarterback does not leave a gift-wrapped game up to chance. If Tom Brady or Peyton Manning steps on the field in a similar situation, Matt Bryant is lining up for a 30-yard chip shot as opposed to a 47-yard prayer. The pre and post-expression of the Falcons players said it all. Because 47 yards is far from a guarantee, the Falcons quietly awaited their fate on the sideline and could not have looked more tense. Interlocked arms, players looking the other way and various forms of voodoo were employed to ensure the kick went through the uprights. In short, their faces screamed "it would be awesome if he made this." If the kick was instead from 30 yards, I can almost guarantee that the look of trepidation that characterized the Falcons' sideline would have been replaced by a calmer, "there's no way we're blowing this" kind of face.

The post-kick reaction would have been altered as well. After the Falcons won the game, players jumped for joy. Matt Bryant and the holder shared a lovely embrace, followed by an offensive lineman cramming them into a jumbo hug. Even Roddy White ran out onto the field to give Bryant a pat on the ass (the game wasn't over so the team could not run out on the field). Even Matt Ryan raised his arms in delight to signal to the entire crowd that the field goal was good, as if they had no idea. From 30 yards, those raised arms turn into a simple fist pump, and his facial expression goes from "Yes, we won!" to "good thing we didn't blow it."

Okay, so the last two paragraphs might be way off base. But the point I'm making (at least I think) is not: Matt Ryan's final drive was unimpressive, at best.

Looking back at the entire game, Matt Ryan did not play particularly well. Despite his impressive 24/28 completion percentage, it resulted in only 197 yards. That's 8 yards per completion and, if you happened to watch, you would have noticed that he checked it down throughout the entire game. A high completion percentage means nothing when it results in 14 points (I refuse to give him credit for the last 3). Despite the overwhelming offensive talent at his disposal (Michael Turner, Tony Gonzalez, Roddy White), he had one completion of over 20 yards. He could not even capitalize when the luck of the game swung his way. Had Aaron Rodgers not inexplicably fumbled on the Falcons 1 during a QB sneak, the entire complexion of the game would have changed.

You might argue that this game was only one game, and Matt Ryan was mediocre, not terrible. I will concede that point. But the constant gushing over him, both in this game and the entire season, is unfounded and ludicrous. You may point to his 19 TDs and only 5 INTs as evidence of his success, but keep in mind that he's 25th in the league in yards per pass. In reality, this means that he's simply checking down the ball to backs and receivers running short routes. Even his touchdown passes are suspect. Here is the yardage of each of his passing touchdowns this season:

1, 2, 3, 4, 4, 5, 5, 8, 11, 12, 12 13, 13, 19 (short pass to Jason Snelling which he took all the way) 22, 28 (short to Snelling, again), 33, 43, 45.

Take away both the wide-open play action TDs inside the 5 that are unrepresentative of a QB's skill and the Jason Snelling screen TDs and we're looking at a 10-5 TD/INT Ratio. Not overly impressive.

You may also say that he has been clutch earlier in the season. Looking at the San Francisco game, I cannot argue against that. The Baltimore game, however, was a different story. I'll give him credit for the beginning of the drive when he brought his team to the 50. But when looking at the drive again, it's clear that the Baltimore defense was pressed to the line of scrimmage (starting at the 50) unwilling to yield any yardage since field goal range was approaching. Even the touchdown pass, despite the gushing praise he received from announcers, was only a result of the cornerback inexplicably falling to the ground. What about the Saints game, you ask? Of the 14 plays on the game-winning drive 11 of them were runs. He only completed one 8 yard pass to Jason Snelling, which was, as per usual, a check down.

I do not mean to totally destroy the legitimacy of Matt Ryan and his Falcons this season. I simply hope that we can put him in perspective. He's a top 10-12 QB and excellent game manager. But he's nothing more. He is not outstanding. He is not overly clutch. He is a quality NFL quarterback capable of getting the job done. So let's keep it in our pants and accurately assess Matt Ryan.

2 comments MMQB Review: We Aren't All Stupid Edition

This is not good.

I watched zero television from Friday to (eventually) Tuesday, not by choice, mom disconnected the cable to the attic. I have it taken care of now, but it has worked out for me because I am not tired of watching football that I can give my full attention to King Peter and just how much he talks down to his readers like we are morons.

Look at Sunday's big winners and tell me what they have in common.
Baltimore, Tennessee, Arizona, the New York Giants, Atlanta, Indianapolis and New England. Yes, New England, even after an 18-15 loss to the Colts in Indianapolis.

Of course New England! Even when they lose a ball game, they really win because they play the game the right way and make all the right moves...waiting to the sixth round to draft a Hall of Fame quarterback and hiring a genius coach. The right way to do things.

My take on this week, and the first half of this NFL season, is this: The good teams, and the pleasant surprises, are the teams that plan for the future while trying to win championships today.

There you have it. The secret to winning by Peter King. I will let you read it again, but save you the energy of having to go back to the quote, because I know your brain is tired from the pure genius of this quote.

My take on this week, and the first half of this NFL season, is this: The good teams, and the pleasant surprises, are the teams that plan for the future while trying to win championships today.

It looks better in italics I think. It makes it seem like a mantra we can all live according to, rather than just words piled together.

My take on this week, and the first half of this NFL season, is this: The good teams, and the pleasant surprises, are the teams that plan for the future while trying to win championships today.

Get this my reader(s). My take on the entire point of running a football team and the entire purpose and reason for a successful General Manager, and the exact way you can tell if the team has good ownership and management is: If the team tries to win a championship or two today and still plans for the future.

I take back everything I have ever said about Peter King. This is the fucking stupidest thing he has ever said. Ever. You will never read anything dumber said in this post from here on. What team in the NFL is not trying to win championships today and still plan for the future? Sure, many will not win championships today, but they are trying to, and in the NFL no team is mortgaging its salary cap future today for a championship. There is planning involved in even the dumbest decisions.

The teams I worry about -- Oakland (with a willy-nilly, wasteful-spending approach to free-agency)

Trying to win today with these free agency pickups like Javon Walker and Gibril Wilson. Trying to win for the future when drafting JaMarcus Russell and Darren McFadden.

Dallas (which has gone seven years without drafting a quarterback to develop),

They sat Tony Romo on the bench for two years for the future and had Bledsoe trying to win championships in the present.

Detroit (a constant disconnect between the drafters and the coaches)

They are trying to win, they just make bad personnel decisions and that affects everything.

That is the real moral here. Make good decisions and hope they work out for you. Hope your older players play well enough to win ball games now and draft younger guys to win in a few years. Literally every team is trying to do this. Some are more successful than others.

but give GM Rod Graves and his play-the-kids coach, Ken Whisenhunt, credit. Arizona has supplanted veteran Edgerrin James with a pile-driving rookie, Tim Hightower, from Richmond, and invented a third option in the passing game, Steve Breaston.

You may think Steve Breaston went to Michigan and was a good receiver for them. You are wrong. The Cardinals invented this man out of nothing, just like in "Weird Science," except the Cardinals did not need an attractive woman to teach them the ropes of dating, they needed a third receiving option and a kick returner. So they put in the calculations and after a few computer explosions, out walks Steve Breaston who plays for the Cardinals and is now being mentioned by the Ernest Hemingway of football writers, Peter King. You may wonder what happened to the other Steve Breaston, the one from Michigan. He was murdered and buried in a shallow grave because he was not what the Cardinals needed on their football team, but they kept his name because they really, really liked it. Hey, progress has a price.

New GM Thomas Dimitroff in Atlanta gambled on draft day -- quarterback Matt Ryan over franchise defensive tackle Glenn Dorsey, and he reached for tackle Sam Baker -- but now both picks look like gold. You'd have to go back to Peyton Manning to find a rookie quarterback as poised and full of promise as Ryan.

Huge gamble there on the consensus best quarterback in the draft.

As poised and full of promise as Peyton Manning? Peter are you blushing a little bit? Oh, you just ate a lot of pasta and are full? I thought you were blushing.

The Cassel story illustrates why the Bill Belichick/Scott Pioli way is so effective. If we've trusted Cassel to back up Brady, why don't we trust him to play?

Because there may be another QB that is better than Cassel. It turned out there was not, but it was a possibility.

If Cassel gets hurt at some point down the stretch, or when he leaves in free-agency after the season, the Patriots will put 2008 third-round pick Kevin O'Connell under center, or use him to back up Brady. The quarterback is develop-able. That's the New England mantra. Brady got developed. Cassel got developed. And O'Connell will too.

Yeah, Brady got "developed" that one year he was a backup QB. That's all it took, just like that "Weird Science" machine, the Patriots are able to look into the eyes of a rookie and see if they are developable. I would certainly hope you draft a QB in the 3rd round that is developable. I think every team is trying to do this, again, some are just more successful than others.

When you send your kid to play high school football, you just hope he gets those kind of unselfish team values he'll need in life drilled into him.

Peter King never had a son, but if he did, he would have drilled all kinds of values into his son's friends while they were in the shed alone.

2. Tennessee (8-0). You want depth? With the Titans clinging to a 13-10 lead and Green Bay trying to get a drive going, no-name defensive end Jacob Ford burst through the line to sack Aaron Rodgers and strip the ball from him. And no-name linebacker Stephen Tulloch picked it up.

They are not no names because I have heard of both of them. I am going to start being egotistical like Peter now.

Kasay is an original Panther, having kicked in the first game in franchise history in 1995. If he finishes out the contract, he'll have played for the Panthers two years longer than Brett Favre played for the Packers.

Is this seriously the best comparison or does King Peter really just have to talk about Brett Favre at every single opportunity? Look for John Kasay to have "an unfortunate accident" near the end of his second year in this contract so he never gets to tie Brett Favre at anything.

On another subject: I said on NBC last night that Matt Cassel will be in a unique position after the season. In this day and age, it's highly rare that a young starting quarterback, playing well, would hit the open market. But Cassel, 26, will almost certainly not be tagged by the Patriots after the season, and the team will risk losing him unless Tom Brady looks like he'll have problems returning from his knee surgery for the start of the 2009 season.
Why? Because the Patriots have a system in place, a system that calls for them to draft players to replace those who leave as rich free-agents. In this case, they'll simply train 2008 third-round pick Kevin O'Connell to replace Cassel and some team out there will pay Cassel $7 million or $8 million a year to be their quarterback of the future.

You may ask, didn't we just finish talking about the magical "system" the Patriots have in place earlier in this column? You may also wonder why the other teams in the league do not do this. The answer is that all teams do this but King Peter doesn't realize this. He thinks the Patriots are magical and special because they have forsight that other teams do not. This is not true, the Patriots just are currently making smart personnel moves to replace free agents who leave. It really is as simple as that.

Gallant win by the Colts on Sunday night. Playoff-saving win. Not a lot of differentiation between the teams, I didn't think ... and the Patriots had the dropped sure touchdown pass by Jabar Gaffney and the 15-yard deadball-foul penalty on David Thomas on third-and-short, in field-goal range in a three-point game.

Hey, it's like the "what if" game Bill Simmons likes to play! Let's play: What if Ben Roethlisberger did not trip Nick Harper in the 2006 playoff game? What if John Kasay did not kick the ball out of bounds against the Patriots in the 2004 Super Bowl? What if the Colts took Ryan Leaf instead of Peyton Manning?

Do you know what this really all means? Absolutely nothing and King Peter is a moron.

15. (tie) New York Jets (5-3). Three-hundredth career pick by Favre, and from the looks of him after the game, he didn't much care.

Because he is a gun slinger and that is how he rolls bitch. The consummate team player who doesn't care about his stats, he just wants to try and make the riskiest play possible.

Aaron Rodgers just got a contract extension until 2012. Just thought I would mention that.

He's comfortable with everything offensive coordinator Mike Mularkey calls, and his only weakness through the first half of the season is accuracy. Otherwise, Ryan's been so far better than Mike Smith or anyone else with the Falcons ever hoped.

What is King Peter's fascination with QB's who have accuracy problems? If he were a girl in the 1950's he would have hung out with the guys who smoked and drove very fast cars. Also, King Peter would have probably gotten pregnant at a young age, become over weight, and eventually become a housemother to young orphaned children who would look up to his expertise at raising children.

Also, Matt Ryan did this against the Raiders. They suck.

I don't care that Atlanta played the god-awful Raiders.

I do. The competition often determines how good a QB is.

the Cowboys should have either drafted a decent one in the last couple of years and developed him under an excellent QB coach in Jason Garrett, or acquired a younger one than Johnson, who's 40. This fact absolutely amazes me: The Cowboys have not drafted a quarterback in seven years.

It is "draft and develop a young QB" week at MMQB, I hope you are all enjoying it as much as I am.

Detroit defensive coordinator Joe Barry, under attack for having the worst statistical defense in the league this season, told Lions beat writers the other day that Detroit's 35 worst defensive snaps in their first seven games this year had yielded 1,202 total yards -- 41 percent of the yardage allowed by the defense. "So when you hear the head coach talk about 'we're this close ... it's the little things,' it is,'' Barry told reporters.

Well, if I were nine inches taller, much thinner and could drain 22-footers with a hand in my face, I'd have been Larry Bird.

Remember you said if Jabar Gaffney had not dropped the touchdown pass and if David Thomas did not have the penalty the Patriots would have won? Remember this Captain Contradiction? Now you are mocking someone for doing the same thing you did? King Peter even mentioned the Gaffney and Thomas events twice in his column.

Anybody coaching defense in the NFL would be Belichick-like if he could call "Mulligan'' on his worst five plays each week.

I think we can all agree King Peter is not Bill Simmons, but the constant references to New England his columns is a little overwhelming at times. He mentions them or Belichick 10 separate times in the column.

Aggravating/Enjoyable Travel Note of the Week

I had neither an enjoyable or aggravating story this week, which must disappoint you. No aggressive drivers sneaking up to rattle me on the Garden State Parkway, no pleasant flight attendant surprising me with courtesy (probably because I have not flown in the past seven days), no strange occurrences at stoplights in Manhattan. I'll try to do better next week.

I am not disappointed but the fine old gentleman in North Dakota is probably very disappointed he can't email you and talk about the way things used to be.

Remember 5 years until we get blow-by-blow analysis of the color of Peter's stool.

I wanted to know what jumped out at him about the Packers. "Other than the numbers on their backs, what I noticed is how similar Aaron Rodgers is to Favre,'' he said. "They throw the same kind of routes. You know, that crazy handoff and then fake throw that Favre used to do? Rodgers does that. He sure doesn't play like a first-year starter.''

I laughed at Schwartz when he said this. Then he told me, "Peter it is very true, Rodgers even doesn't take some of the gambles that Favre did while still putting up comparable statist-"

It was at that point I stabbed the defensive coordinator for the Titans in the head with my pen repeatedly and poured hot soy latte (with little cinnamon bits on top) on his head so no one would recognize his face. This would give me at least a day's head start to find a safe house.

I made those last two paragraphs up. Now I can use the "Peter King commits random murders" tag though...and you know he wanted to stab Schwartz when he compared Favre to Rodgers and said they were similar.

The Way We Were

Jeff Garcia vs. Fran Tarkenton.
No one would think of Garcia as the heir to Tarkenton, who retired in 1978 as the NFL's all-time passing yardage leader with 47,003.

Probably because they are nothing alike.

d. The smartest pro football player about college football players is St. Louis strong safety Corey Chavous, who is Kiperish in his study of the college game.

e. I don't watch much college football, but that was one riveting game Saturday between Texas and Texas Tech. And as my favorite college scout Chavous said after watching 6-2, 205-pound Graham Harrell's typically ridiculous 35-of-52, 476-yard performance to shock top-ranked Texas: "He's a lot more polished than [former Tech spread QBs] B.J. Symons, Kliff Kingsbury, Sonny Cumbie or Cody Hodges. He's poised. I think he'll play on Sundays. He'll probably be a mid-round pick with a solid postseason.''

You have to always question a player who plays in the spread offense when it comes to NFL numbers. Sorry, you just do.

I don't know. He looked better than that to me, and if his size is legit and he throws the 15-yard out with zip, he's certainly got an NFL future.

According to King Peter a mid round selection is not "an NFL future." What is wrong with being a mid round selection? I thought Peter was all about choosing a QB and then "developing" that QB? He has spent the entire column wondering why more teams don't do this and now a mid round selection is not enough to have an NFL future.

Obviously Ted Cottrell was not bringing enough heat on the passer -- San Diego was dead last in passing yards allowed per game -- and he had to go.

King Peter, the resident football genius, did not think about the fact maybe Cottrell was bringing too much heat at the passer and that is why they were giving up all the yardage in the air. Not saying this is true, but couldn't the Chargers have been blitzing a lot and leaving open the field for big plays through the air? Maybe?

He and Shaun Phillips and Luis Castillo need to get turned loose on the passer by new coordinator Ron Rivera.

Castillo is a defensive lineman in the 3-4 system, so I am pretty sure he is let loose on the passer at a high rate right now. Also, more blitzing can sometimes lead to big plays, especially if you blitz a linebacker and the QB reads it and hits an open receiver. I am not a football expert, but the real solution to a lot of passing yards allowed is a stronger front four, not necessarily blitzing the linebackers more. This includes the 3-4 defense in my opinion.

i. Donovan McNabb just had the quietest 349-yard passing day of his career. That's what happens when you win in Seattle over an irrelevant Seahawks team.

I wish we could get a follow up on the "Mike Holmgren is a great coach and Seattle is such a successful team that no one pays attention to" lecture we got from Peter earlier in the year.

b. Fourth-and-one, Green Bay at the Tennessee 45, first quarter, Pack goes for it, Aaron Rodgers tries to sneak one over the shoulder of safety Chris Hope to tight end Jermichael Finley.

I would bet $1,000 Gregg Easterbrook is going to talk about this in his TMQ column tomorrow. Actually I would bet he will criticize them for the play call but compliment them for going for it on fourth down.

h. Rookie quarterbacks Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan just beat JaMarcus Russell 53-10 in an eight-day period. Not to pile on Russell or anything.

JaMarcus Russell sucks, nearly everyone can agree on this fact. Oakland could not have drafted Flacco or Ryan because they were not available in the draft when Oakland had the #1 selection. Oakland could not have ignored the need for a QB in the first round and just hoped some random QB from Delaware or Matt Ryan would be available the following year. Not to be Bill Simmons, but they should have drafted Brady Quinn or traded back for him and gotten more draft picks, but they can't use the magical hindsight 20/20 vision goggles you have, nor should you compare these three QB's as if the Raiders had a choice to draft any of them.

Well, they could have drafted Flacco this year but I think #4 was a bit high for him.

Read this:

a. I was in the upper deck, down the left-field line, for Game 5 of the World Series at Citizen Bank Park, and I'd say the same thing to Bud Selig about making us sit in a driving rainstorm with strong gusting winds for an hour before calling the game as I'd say to every airline CEO about making us sit in center seats in coach for five-hour flights: You have totally lost touch with the common customer,

and now read this:

Read somewhere the other day Starbucks is trying to figure out why they're struggling in a lot of stores, and why Dunkin Donuts and other coffee places are making inroads on the big boys. I don't think it's the cost of a $3.70 latte. I really don't.

Of course it is the $3.70 latte that tastes as good/if not worse then a cheaper coffee at a place with scrumdiddlyumptious donuts. Don't chastise others for being out of touch and then doing the same thing yourself.

i. Watching hockey or baseball NOT in high-def is like watching it through a foggy window.

Oh I know. Everyone should plop down $120/month for high definition television. Why so much? Because cable companies of course package this with their upper echelon services to get you to spend more money. I will not even start on cable companies because I would bore you even more than I do currently.

k. Three Halloween notes: Patriots PR man Stacey James' 7-year-old son, Jonathan, dressed as Bill Belichick -- and the best part of it was Jonathon stuffing the red replay flag in his sock

Shouldn't he had binoculars or just started lying about whether his players were hurt or not? I am sorry, no more bashing.

Kids are coming later and later. We had our last at 9:42 p.m. That's 18 minutes shy of my bedtime, kids -- and it's an unwanted interruption of Family Guy on the DVR.

Holy shit, you can pause DVR. You are old, shut up.

m. Vote, vote, vote. Please vote. If you love this country, vote. If you have some problems with this country, vote. If you want to read an interesting and compelling reason why you should vote, log on and read the lead to my Tuesday column. You'll love what Scott Fujita of the Saints says about voting.

America, the only place in the land where you can get 10 different types of salad dressings to put on top of your salad but are stuck with two shitty options for who is going to run your country. Ok, not the only place this happens, but still we demand options in every part of our life, but not in who we choose to run the country.

Oh, and Peter King sucks.

0 comments MMQB Review: More NFC East Review

You are all probably like me and woke up this morning after this weekend of football, looked around the room and wondered what the hell was wrong with the Cowboys. I actually woke up with a piece of glass in my left leg, but why would I care about that, I need to know what is wrong with the Cowboys! NOW! I also need to know, is Matt Ryan an elite QB? Fortunately that is why CNNSI pays King Peter King in animal crackers, so they can get this type of information.

On to the MMQBNFCE

Well, everything is not fine with the Dallas Cowboys, even though owner Jerry Jones and coach Wade Phillips would have you believe that it's only a matter of time before it will be.

They are currently 4-2, why hit the panic button now King Peter? Doesn't it seem a bit early?

Even more so now that Tony Romo will be sidelined for up to four weeks with a fracture in his throwing pinkie.

I hope King Peter texted him after the game and it went like this:

(PK): Hey sexy, hows the finger? I hope its still not swoln

(Romo): Is good sorry 2 hurt u like dat could not believe how much u bled but broke pinkie playin futbol 2day

(PK): 2 injured fingers? Need me 2 come over?

(Romo): Nah jess is here, plus i look mildly retarded

(PK): that is offensive 2 mentally handicapped ppl but is true

(Romo): g2g

(PK): how long u out? luv u

(Romo) 4 weeks...see u sunday night a/f futbol

(PK): (giggles to himself) see u then!

Dallas backup Brad Johnson won't be a disaster in relief. He's won a Super Bowl, played in big games, won't be cowed by the Cowboy Nation pressure and has a strong bond with offensive coordinator Jason Garrett.

Really if you were searching for the 4 factors that will have zero bearing on how well Brad Johnson is going to do as the QB, Peter King just nailed them for us.

Won Super Bowl 6 years ago + played in big games 6 years ago + not scared + hangs out with OC= great success

He's a 62 percent passer, lifetime, which is in Romo's range.

Wow, you are really stretching there to compare these two positively. I am going to go ahead and say there are 67 QB's I would rather have starting for me than Brad Johnson, and this list includes Randall Cunningham, who could very well be dead for all I know.

When Bill Parcells walked away from the team 21 months ago, the one thing I feared was Jones hiring the second coming of Barry Switzer, a man he could manage and control.

Odd choice of words here. Peter did not "worry" or "hoped did not happen," but he actually "feared" this would happen, like he has some personal stake in the outcome. King Peter is odd, so I will pass this one by, but put it in my "potential bias" notebook for later use if needed.

I thought about the Cowboys a lot in the wee hours of this morning, trying to put two and two together about their slide.

Dallas lost its starting QB to an injury, two of its cornerbacks to an injury and a possible suspension, really has no second receiver, and refuses to give their equally talented running backs equal amounts of carries. Still, Peter has to stay up until the wee hours of the morning to think about what is wrong. I don't need to stay up long to figure out what is wrong with Peter.

He was staying up late eating lasagna.

But whatever Jerry Jones says to the players behind closed doors, what he's saying to the public is: We've got an asylum here, and the inmates are running it.

The inmates have been running the asylum for nearly 20 years now. How in the hell King Peter just came to this realization is beyond me. There is a book out now, called "Boys Will Be Boys" by Jeff Pearlman that maybe Peter should take a gander at. It should help him clear this situation up.

The long-term answer in Dallas is to shed some of the prima donnas and go back to the way the team was built in the Parcells days. In other words, big turds need not apply.

This team of turds was partially built by Parcells. He did sign Terrell Owens and the only other real turd is Pacman Jones, who Parcells did not sign, and I think everyone knew that was a mistake.

I would also like to clear up the Parcells days had the team winning 0 playoff games, while the fun and cocaine loving Jimmy Johnson/Barry Switzer days had them winning three Super Bowls...so King Peter doesn't have a great point here. Get good players that are too smart to be arrested should be the real solution.

1. New York Giants (4-0). Jints entered the weekend first in the league in yards per game, points per game, rushing yards per game and in the top three in points allowed and passing yards allowed. This is the best all-around team in football right now.

What a noble and thrill seeking statement King Peter just made. I would have to say if a team was first in these categories and top 3 in the other categories, then yes, that team would be the best overall football team right now. If not, I would love to see the team that is the best all around.

17. (tie) Chicago (3-3). Not to paint the town rosy, but the play of Kyle Orton is more good than bad.

A stunning and absolutely breath taking review of Kyle Orton. Just what you are looking for in a quarterback! Sure he sucks but most of the plays he runs are for positive yardage over negative yardage.

Of course, that could be how the Raiders drafted JaMarcus Russell.....

Offensive Player of the Week
Matt Ryan, QB, Atlanta.

Folks, we may be seeing the game's next great quarterback growing up before our very eyes. To complete 22-of-30 for 301 yards, one TD and no interceptions against a defense that hounds the quarterback as well as Chicago does is a tremendous feat for a quarterback in his sixth pro game.

You know King Peter puts on some Barry White when he starts typing about Matt Ryan, just to get in the mood. Stewart Mandel of SI.com may have his Mailbag Crush but King Peter King has his MMQBQB crush and it is Matt Ryan.

He is so dreamy, that Matt Ryan..........

Geno Hayes, LB, Tampa Bay. The rookie sixth-round pick from Florida State did something he shouldn't have been able to do. He busted through an inexplicable gap between veterans who should know better -- Na'il Diggs and Dante Rosario --

Dante Rosario is in his second year in the league. Not an excuse but he is not a veteran, unless anyone who has been in the league more than one year is a veteran.

What would you say if I told you Abraham had been on the sidelines, through five games, for 138 of the Falcons' 320 defensive snaps, and it had been done that way by design? Abraham, through five games, was playing 57 percent of the snaps.

I would say this is called rotating defensive ends. King Peter is talking about platooning or rotating defensive lineman to keep them fresh, here with John Abraham, as if this is the absolute most novel concept that has ever existed. Granted, this is usually done with defensive tackles because they are so fat and get tired easily but Abraham is different. See, he is a wimp.

"It hasn't been just for preservation,'' said Smith. "It's been for effectiveness. Different players have different muscular efficiency, and what we're doing here is trying to maximize that in our guys.''

Translation: He gets hurt all the time and I want to minimize the amount of time on the field he spends so he has a chance of playing all 16 games in a year. Also, he plays 4 plays and his body breaks down like a paper mache football.

But it seems to make sense with a guy like Abraham, who has missed 31 games due to injury in his previous eight NFL seasons.

In other words, he is a wimp.

And I am not taking my frustration out on Abraham because he has been personally responsible for two of my favorite team's offensive players having season ending surgeries because Abraham is do damn fast and hard to block. I would not do that.

h. It's been a long time -- maybe back to Danny Wuerffel -- since I've been as wrong on a player as I was about Michael Turner. He's a much, much better runner in traffic than I thought, a bull to bring down.

Unless you want to count your Cleveland Browns prediction for this year and the prediction you made that Yunel Escobar would be in the top 5 in MVP voting in the National League. Discounting those of course...and those are just off the top of my head.

It sounds totally illogical, but I bet Jerry Jones calls the Eagles and tries to pry Lito Sheppard away.

He can call but I bet the Eagles don't answer or ask for a 1st and 2nd round pick in return. I would lose all respect for Andy Reid and take back everything I said positive about him the other day if he trades the best 3rd CB in the league to his division rival. This would/should never happen.

See: Favre, Brett

d. Offensive mayhem? What offensive mayhem? Wes Welker's on pace to catch 115 balls.

One person's statistics. Disproves any theory the Patriots offense is struggling, so just ignore the 3 points they put up last night.

His yards per catch are down a yard and a half also.

h. Stewart Bradley, the invisible Philly middle linebacker

Well no wonder he is so good, he is invisible.

I seriously thought about this for a minute and how awesome would it be if a player on the football field was invisible? Just imagine a player running and being tackled by what seems to be nothing...I think I am the only one that thinks this would be grand.

Just imagine it though. Terrell Owens would absolutely refuse to go over the middle if this happened.

is among the five underrated really good players in the NFL.

"Five underrated really good players." I love these specific titles players get from King Peter.

Do you know who is among the top five underrated really shitty players in the NFL?

1. Brooks Bollinger- no one knows how bad he really is at throwing a slant because he does not play.

2. DeShaun Foster- he runs backwards sometimes...seriously...then he fumbles...seriously, he did this twice in a game.

3. Bubba Franks- has been so bad for so long, he is now considered good.

4. David Carr- Michael Jackson gloves, Fabio hair, and the nerves of a skittish cat in the pocket.

5. Gerard Warren- so fat and so bad. Speaking of fat and bad.............

b. At some point, JaMarcus Russell has to go from young quarterback making his way in this league to an efficient NFL quarterback. He played an "F'' game at New Orleans, and I'd grade him lower if I could. His judgment on medium and deep throws was as bad as his accuracy. His tools are tremendous, obviously, but the disconnect between his ability and actual play is too much.

Read that sentence again and then wonder, as I do, why scouts pay so much damn attention to "tools." I don't know if there is a bigger criticism than "the disconnect between actual play and ability is too much."

Though it makes me wonder how you know someone has ability if it does not translate to actual play? So basically, the guy just looks like he should be able to play well.

c. I know I'm not there in that locker room, and I know LaDainian Tomlinson is still a fabulous player, but I don't understand after what we've seen from Darren Sproles, how the Chargers can call a game and put the ball in his hands three times from scrimmage, as they did against New England last night.

They won 30-3, that's how.

f. There's something about Matt Cassel, and I found myself searching for the right trait watching him in San Diego.

Matty Iceeeeeeeeeeeeeee Version 1.0.

"Stinks" would be the word I am using.

c. Three of the six Red Sox playoff games have lasted until 1:25 a.m. or later. I agree with Bob Costas: These games, even the ones that don't go into extras, are just too long. Captivatingly long, but too long. The umps need to tell the pitchers, particularly with bases empty, to adhere to the quicker pace they've been told to keep.

What's that sound? Is that a Wah-mbulance coming? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!!!!!!!!!

The game is at 4:30pm today, I hope that is more manageable for you Peter. Do you know what time my favorite team's games come on television? Absolutely fucking never o'clock. That is way too late for me.

You could also just go to California and watch the game with Bill Simmons and live blog it. Please do this.

h. Weird chemistry on The Office. We need Pam back.

Yeah, all one episode without her being seen was too much. Combine that with the total 2 episodes that have been shown this year and this show needs a major overall. Maybe they should add a fat ass sportswriter who has his head up his ass. I know of one.

4 comments MMQB: Read Only If You Like Upper East Coast Football

One criticism I have made of Peter King previously is that he really, really pays attention to teams that are in the upper east coast of the country and pretty much gives periodic nods to the other teams in the league. Granted, there are a lot of teams in that area that are great this year but there is only so much New York Giant, Washington Redskin, New England Patriot, Pittsburgh Steeler, and Philadelphia Eagle love I can stand.

Nothings changed.

I like to try to be neutral or at least not turn this into a fan blog, but I am going to have to warn you (all?), that is going to be incredibly tough this week. My favorite team in the world turned in one of the best defensive performances of their entire franchise history and there is zero mention by Peter. I would not need it mentioned necessarily, especially by him, but I think since the team they played but up a great deal of offensive numbers last week, it was at least noteworthy.

Let's get excited by Peter getting excited!

What do you want to hear about first? The origins of the Wildcat play, which has carried the woebegone Dolphins to wins over the two AFC Championship Game teams from last year? The future of Kerry Collins, who, in a month, has gone from a washed-up backup to one of the NFL's 20 most important players? The incredible case of Matty Ice? Plaxico Burress' future with the Giants?

We get options? Yes, then...none of the above! None of the above I say!

I don't know what to tell Peter King if he truly thinks Kerry Collins is one of the NFL's 20 most important players. I would love to hear about Matty Icccccccccccccce though.........and I don't care about Plaxico Burress at all.

None of the above, though I'll get to them all.

I like how he starts off the column giving the readers choices letting them choose what they can hear about first and then makes the choice for us. This pretty much describes how I feel about Peter King. I have an option every week but for some reason he makes the decision for me to read his column. I can't explain it.

My choice: The first play-call of Clinton Portis' life.

Oh absolutely, let's focus on this incredibly important event then. This one play in one football game, sounds very, very relevant. Granted, the play-call turns out to be a fourth down play and was important at the end of the game, but I am not sure it should MMQB.

The Redskins are turning into one of the great stories of the year. They looked inept in a flaccid opener against the Giants. They've looked like the '67 Packers since. They won their fourth straight, 23-17, at Philadelphia Sunday, and afterward, I couldn't quite believe what Jim Zorn told me.

He clearly just wanted to talk about the Redskins and needed a cheap segway.

On a side note, I like how everyone is talking up the NFC East because it has the greatest teams in the league in it and how certain people, Alex Marvez, want to put an East team in the NFC West. I can't help but think about the extraordinarily powerful NL Central with Milwaukee, St. Louis, and the Chicago Cubs and how the NL West was mocked all year for having teams that barely break .500 all year. Then the Dodgers sweep the team with the best record in the National League. A team from the "worst" division manhandles a team from the "best" division in the playoffs. I think this is a story I am going to remember for football season.

"Clinton called that fourth-down play,'' Zorn said.

The offensive guru is having a RB call key fourth down plays. This does not bode well for them in the future, having players believe they can call plays.

Zorn had his thinking cap on, with Jason Campbell and Portis and a couple of the coaches on the sidelines. "I called the formation first,'' he said, "and then he called the play. He thought we should run a draw. I didn't say anything, and I looked at my plan. It was going to be very hard to run. But I thought about the play, and it was a good call.

Fourth and one. Philly has zero timeouts and if they got the ball would have to march 62 yards to get a touchdown to win the game. A draw...I would not have the guts to call that. Really Zorn probably had no idea what play to call there either, so he just let Portis pick it knowing his play call choice would be no better.

The draw's a great call there, with the expectation that a strong back would either wham into the line, or the quarterback would throw a sure thing to either the back or tight end.

"A sure thing to either the back or tight end?" What the hell kind of sure thing type pass is there on fourth and one to a tight end or a running back? Clearly, King Peter knows more about football than me but it seems like either a pass to the running back or tight end would not be the greatest call on fourth down without a little play action. Especially since the Redskins would be in a tight formation at the line of scrimmage to at least sell the run, it would take a little longer for the tight end/RB to get open.

Imagine the ownership he feels in his team this morning, knowing the new coach, an offensive maven, thought enough of his brain and gut feeling that he could get the yard he needed.

Imagine ownership thinking their running back just called a play when they pay the head coach to do this. Not a great feeling I would imagine for their confidence in the coach to make play calls, especially if this starts happening frequently.

• Ice Ice Baby. "You don't realize the stadium's right in the middle of a neighborhood,'' Matt Ryan said over the cell phone with a bit of impressed wonder Sunday. He'd just walked into Lambeau Field on his fifth professional start and stunned the Packers 27-24. He was 16 of 26 for 194 yards, with two TDs, one pick and no sacks taken, and he finished the game with two kneeldowns. We're now going to have to take this kid, and this team, seriously.

Ladies and Gentleman, Peter King has a new quarterback boyfriend, but he and Brett Favre are going to stay friends and not avoid each other, don't worry.

Let's make sure Matt Ryan meets all of Peter's criteria:

White- check

Has an affiliation with Boston- check and he gave the stupid ass nickname Matty Ice to him, after giving it to Matt Cassel, so that must be some kind of bonus point.

Gives Peter access to his thought process- we will see

Peter can write about his appearance without it disturbing the player- well...

He looks like a bank vice president 25 minutes after the game, in a neatly pressed suit with not a hair out of place.

Check!

Ryan plays the part of an NFL quarterback perfectly. He says all the right things.

That is all that is required really. Akili Smith did not play the part of a QB well, not because of the skill required for the position, but mostly he said the wrong things and expressed his hatred for anyone of Muslim and Asian descent. That was the wrong thing to say. Same thing with Heath Shuler and now he is taking his pro-fur wearing stances to Washington D.C. as a Senator! Being pro-fur is not the right thing to say, so he sucked at QB.

The best has been good enough for a 3-2 start.

Other than the Packers, the Falcons have beaten the Lions and the Chiefs...not that impressive really, but when Peter King has to prove a point, we ignore this.

• Kerry Collins is back, and he's not going anywhere.

He knows what he isn't -- a No. 2 quarterback.

Vince Young has, and always will, suck so on the Titans he is not a #2 quarterback. That does not make him a #2 quarterback for nearly every other team in the league, except maybe five teams. Even those teams would rather have a younger player rather than a 35 year old who has started an entire season in a few years.

"I'm so excited to be here,'' he said on a noisy Titans' bus to the airport after the game. "I still have a lot of confidence in myself as a player, and I've got the kind of opportunity that I've been waiting for.''

What opportunity would that be? To quarterback a NFL team? I think he had that chance in Carolina, New Orleans, Oakland, and with the New York Giants. Granted he is playing very well right now but King Peter is getting overly giddy with the Kerry Collins love in free agency after this year.

I dare my reader(s) to pick a team that would want Kerry Collins for a two year deal after this year with the full intention of making him the starter for those two years, other than Kansas City. They don't count because they would sign me after this season if I could throw a spiral.

O'Hara couldn't say enough good things about Manning, and anyone's who watched much of the Giants this year sees what O'Hara sees -- the maturation of a kid who doesn't get flustered by anything.

I am getting really close to admitting I was wrong about Eli Manning but I still need to see some more games from him playing at this high level...and he still will never be as good as Peyton.

The Fine Fifteen

1. New York Giants (4-0). This is not only a defensively intimidating team and offensively efficient team, but also a very deep team.

They also saved two babies from drowing in lakes this week and solved the financial crisis. Good job New York Giants!

Tom Coughlin suspends his best receiver for a game, and his plug-in guy, Domenik Hixon, probably the fifth receiver coming out of training camp, outgains Seattle 117-115 and out-touchdowns the Seahawks 1-0 in the first half.

Wow! That is amazing they beat Seattle like that at home. Especially since the Seahawks 2nd leading receiver is Billy McMullen. The Giants are the best!

2. Tennessee (5-0). Best game by a quarterback with a 52.0 passer rating in a long, long time. When's the last time a backup quarterback went into Baltimore and drove 80 yards to win the game in the fourth quarter?

Those are some interesting Jayson Stark-ish type milestones you have mentioned there King Peter. "When was the last time a RB ran for 150+ yards against Pittsburgh when the team was missing its top 2 receivers and there was a full moon the night before?"

Notice I keep calling Kerry Collins a backup quarterback. He's not anymore.

Not for the Titans because he is the best they can do right now. For 90% of the rest of the league he is a backup quarterback. I am not quite yet buying what Kerry Collins is selling simply based on his history of looking good one year and then the next looking year looking horrible. I don't care how much he has slimmed down and quit drinking.

6. New England (3-1). The hounds have been released. Matt Cassel has been allowed to throw it way far downfield. See that smile on the sidelines from Randy Moss?

They beat San Francisco this week? Super Bowl or bust! Finally someone has taken the chains off of Matt Cassel, with an arm as strong as that and a history of beating sub .500 teams, I say Matty Iccccccccccce 2 puts the Patriots in the Super Bowl.

11. Buffalo (4-1). Bills surrendered five sacks. Bills turned it over four times. Bills got their terrific young quarterback concussed. Storm clouds form over Orchard Park. Bet they're glad to have the bye this week.

Wow. One loss and King Peter drops them in his "Fucked Up Fifteen" to number 11. Right behind a 2-2 team and right in front of a 2-3 team. I guess Trent Edwards did not return Peter's late night phone calls.

14. Indianapolis (2-2). "We played Colts football for five minutes today,'' coach Tony Dungy told his team in a raucous locker room at Houston. "Good thing it was the last five.''

I would not call the Colts lucky this year, I think they have actually earned both wins they had, but doesn't it feel like this team is hanging on by a thread right now? I see this working out two ways, first the Colts will get breaks all year and this will lead them to the playoffs, or second, the bubble will burst and they will be lucky to be the 10-6 I predicted.

Defensive Players of the Week

Ray Lewis, MLB, Baltimore. I know, I know. The Ravens lost Sunday, a painful defeat at the hands of the Titans in which they let Tennessee drive the length of the field in the fourth quarter to win. But the play of Lewis over the last eight quarters simply must be recognized. In the narrow losses to Pittsburgh and Tennessee, Lewis has 20 tackles, two sacks, two passes deflected, one tackle for loss and two quarterback hits.

Travis LaBoy, DE, Arizona. Facing the previously unbeaten Bills, LaBoy led a parade of pass-rushers to the Buffalo backfield and finished with seven tackles, two sacks, two quarterback pressures and two tackles for loss. Arizona won 41-17 -- a week after getting scorched for six touchdown passes and 56 points by the Jets.

These are both great individual performances. More so Travis LaBoy's than Ray Lewis, which apparently encompassed two games and King Peter just felt like mentioning both.

The problem with this meaningless award is that the Carolina Panthers held the Kansas City Chiefs to 127 yards of total offense this week. DeAngelo Williams, the Panthers running back, ran for 123 by himself. How this is not impressive to Peter I really have no idea, considering the Chiefs did not have 100 yards of total offense until the fourth quarter and did not cross the 50 yard line until the second half. My whole point is that if you replace "Carolina Panthers" with "New York Giants" it would have been mentioned at least once in this MMQB column.

Special Teams Player of the Week


Stephen Gostkowski, K, New England. I'm long overdue in recognizing this rising-star kicker. At Candlestick/Monster/3Com/Whatever Park Sunday, he kicked field goals of 35, 40 and 49 yards, and put four of seven kickoffs in the end zone; three were downed as touchbacks. For the year, he's hit on all 10 field goals he's tried.

Am I the only one that sees what a huge New England Patriot fan he is? I would like to think not but I may be. Or I may be insane.

I also don't spend my entire life trying to prove certain people are fans of Boston area teams, but the media has this enormous group of reporters who are from the New England area and it gets quite tiresome for me. Again, we have loyal readers who love the Patriots and the Red Sox, so I don't want to constantly bash them. Gostkowski a definite upgrade from Adam Vinitieriiaiaia simply because Adam V. broke my heart and I hate him.

In 1971, the Raiders chose 19th and the Rams 20th. Tatum, the safety from Ohio State, and Youngblood, the defensive end from Florida, were on the board. Though Davis has always been a DB fan, he favored Youngblood here, and Madden wanted Tatum. Madden won, but took no victorious pride in it. He just thought Tatum fit the Raiders' defense better.
The point is, Madden and Davis sparred verbally all the time, and neither took it personally. "That's what the next coach has to do,'' said Madden.

This is a great story and all, but you are choosing between a player in the middle to late parts of the 1st round. It is a little different from disagreeing about the #1 pick of the draft. If a coach doesn't agree with the player the owner wants to pick at #1 in the draft, then there should not be a "we'll agree to disagree" type mood by either side. That player is going to be the cornerstone of the team and in this situation was the first pick that Lane Kiffin got to make as head coach. Way for Peter King and John Madden to try to compare two things that are completely different.

Throw in the fact there was no salary cap at the time when the Tatum pick was made and dumbass John Madden is comparing apples and oranges. That was 35 years ago! If you can't recognize the way the game has changed, then I don't know what to tell you.

1. I think these are my quick-hit thoughts of Week 5:


a. Tony Mandarich admits to steroid use at Michigan State and using performance enhancers and abusing alcohol as a pro in an interview with Armen Keteyian. Rick, I'm shocked to see gambling going on in this establishment. Absolutely shocked!

I don't get that reference at all. I googled Peter King claiming prior to today that Tony Mandarich used steroids and looked for an article where Peter claimed Mandarich was accused of using steroids and could not find anything. Obviously Peter knew though, right?

I did find this though...which is really interesting:

http://vault.sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1068312/2/index.htm

The story about his mom wrestling him because he is built like his mother is just priceless.

Also Mandarich said he would play in Green Bay if the price is right...then who does he get drafted by? Green Bay...and that is priceless. If you don't read that article then you have no one but yourself to blame.

3. I think this is what I liked about Week 5:


a. Eli and Peyton Manning were 14-of-15 at 1:32 p.m. Sunday.

This man absolutely falls in love with quarterbacks and if they do one thing well, he is sure to bring it up.

g. Nor do the Patriots. That was an old-school defensive game, with lots of confusion for young quarterback J.T. O'Sullivan to try to comprehend.

First off, it was against the 49ers and J.T. O'Sullivan, so it is not like it was against the 1967 Green Bay Packers.

Second, they also gave up 21 points to the 49ers, including 3 touchdowns thrown by the immortal J.T. O'Sullivan. They held the ball for a good percentage of the game which helped the total yardage of 199 the 49ers gained look good, but they gave up 4.3 yards per rush, so it is not like they were dominant in all phases. The Patriot offense controlled the game well and that is to their credit, so it seems like they played a better old-school offensive game.

I don't hate the Patriots, I promise.

h. Kyle Orton looks more and more like the answer for Chicago, at least temporarily.

I bet Peter thinks the Bears should sign Kerry Collins as their starter. You know he thinks this.

e. If I'm Mike Holmgren, I'm asking my front seven this morning: Could you guys explain to me why you didn't try to tackle Brandon Jacobs much? That was an embarrassing effort by the Seahawks on defense. Putrid.

Do you think Peter wants a redo on that puff piece he wrote about Mike Holmgren at the beginning of the year? I am guessing he probably has forgotten about it already, after all, they play on the West Coast, so they were not even worth mentioning anyway.

6. I think this is what the first month of the season has taught Eric Mangini about Brett Favre: "The biggest thing he brings to the team is he's exactly the same the next play whether the play's a big success or a failure. You try to teach your players that the only thing that matters is the next play, and to have such a great example of that on your team has been fantastic. With Brett, there's never a sense the game is over. He'd never act like it was anyway.''

The Jets had a bye week this week. You know Peter had to sneak Brett in there somewhere and somehow, despite the fact he has no relevance to anything that happened in the NFL this week.

You know in his dreams Peter re-enacts the movie "Man on Fire" with himself as Denzel Washington and Brett Favre as Dakota Fanning. I can see Peter and Brett playing in the backyard and instead of Peter teaching Brett to swim, he teaches Brett to throw a football. This is definitely one of the things I think I think Peter thinks about.

b. In November, when Vermeil is on the verge of cutting Phillips for repeated insubordination: The coach sees no difference in Phillips's demeanor. He doesn't get the apology he wanted. Finally, he says, "Lawrence, tell me something. What would you do if you were me?" Phillips thinks for a moment. "Coach," he says, "I'd cut me."


That's right. Vermeil, in effect, asked Phillips if he thought he should cut him -- and the player fired himself!

Peter King is chiding Lawrence Phillips for being honest with his head coach about what Phillips himself would do in the situation Dick Vermeil was in. I think if you switched the situation around a little bit and made the player not Lawrence Phillips, we'll say Jason Peter, then Peter King would respect his ability to tell his coach the truth. That was my Jason Whitlock moment of the week.

b. One other dumb playoff baseball thing: During the White Sox-Rays opening game, TBS showed 2008 fights between the Rays and Yanks, then the Rays and Red Sox, and Harold Reynolds said this sent a signal that the Rays wouldn't be pushed around by the power teams of their division anymore. Presto! Division title. What crappola. The Rays have been fighting for years. They brawled with the Sox in 2000 and finished 69-92. They brawled with the Sox in 2004 and finished 70-91. They brawled with the Sox in 2005 and finished 67-95. If you're going to use clichés, at least make them true.

You don't think Peter King forwarded this to his friends at CNNSI.com like Jon Heyman do you? He actually gained some credibility with me with this comment.

d. Does every Cubs fan dissolve into an emotionless blob at the first sign of adversity? Talk about a couple of woe-is-me crowds at Wrigley. And six runs in 27 innings is not going to win an April series in Pittsburgh or an October series in the playoffs.

Pot meet kettle. Red Sox fan meet the Cubs fan. After two World Series how quickly we forget the stories about how cursed the Red Sox are (Dan Shaughnessy), stories about how you just KNEW something bad would happen (Bill Simmons) or any other Red Sox fan who told a "we are so cursed and unlucky" story. I can't believe he wrote this.

i. You're the smart one, Bill Plaschke.

He just lost all of that credibility.

Read this and see if you think Bill Plaschke is smart:

http://www.firejoemorgan.com/2006/08/best-ever.html

This is classic FJMorgan.

You recognize Manny Ramirez quit on a great team once, and he'll do it again. In the first three innings Saturday night, Ramirez scored from first on a hard double to right, then tagged up at first base and went to second on a medium-deep fly to center field. I can guarantee you that in eight years in Boston he didn't do those two things in one season, never mind twice in one three-inning stretch.

Bitter Peter wrote his feelings down on a piece of paper about Manny. Bitter Peter does not have a woe is me attitude. Bitter Peter likes food.

l. Finally got to see the premiere of Family Guy, and if I had to pick,

The season premiere or the premiere of the entire show? If it is the entire show you are WAY late on that one.

I'm not sure which TV character I'd chose as the best in history -- George Costanza, Barney Fife, James West or Brian the dog. Brian's quite a maverick.

A dig at Sarah Palin! How fucking not hilarious and overdone now. I can see Peter putting down his pasta rolls and garlic bread to high five his friends with his greasy fat hands after he put this in the column. Not funny and you should be ashamed at being such a douchebag.

I do not like Sarah Palin at all either, and I am not defending her, but King Peter is incredibly not funny.

I think we will end it on that low note. I think I have run J.S. off for a few days, so you are stuck with me for a little while. We'll see how low readership goes.