Lately I have noticed a mass of "Why Does Everyone Hate Tyler Hansbrough?" articles on the Internet and they all seem like the kind of article where the title asks a question and then the column that follows answers it by defending Hansbrough. If a player is talked about enough that there is an entire article written about why people hate him, the fact you wrote an entire article about it defending him is EXACTLY why everyone hates him. I could be counted among those people who are not a big Tyler Hansbrough fan, but first a little background into why I don't dislike him more than any of his teammates.
Full disclosure here: I fucking hate UNC basketball. I hate them more than I hate any other team despite the fact when I get married there will be a minimum of three groomsman who are diehard UNC fans and my sister went to school there. I actually have to avoid the subject with each party because they hate my favorite team and I hate their favorite team, but that is the only thing we differ on so there is no reason to ruin a perfectly good friendship over insane hatred. I hate UNC in the most bizarre way, where I can't stand to watch their games because it makes my stomach churn and I want to throw the television out the window if they are winning. I dread Duke-UNC basketball games. I can't stand watching them, I just want them to be over. I clearly need therapy for this because if I am watching UConn-Pitt on ESPN and the announcers say Pitt can beat UNC, I almost always say, "no way, UNC would wipe the floor with them, they are deeper and more talented," yet if Pitt plays UNC I will cheer for Pitt as much as I humanly can without buying a Pittsburgh Panthers jersey and wearing it around...but yet if someone is comparing conferences I always throw the UNC National Championships in there as proof of how strong the ACC is. I once wrote an email to Matt Doherty and Ronald Curry calling them out for the bullshit they pulled in February 2001 during a basketball game. I did not get hit with a restraining order, but I also did not get an email back. I am deranged. I truly believe UNC is going to win the National Championship and I 100% believe this is true because they are the best team in the country and have every single attribute a championship team needs. This post is not about me, though I know it seems that way, but it is about Tyler Hansbrough and I just wanted to Gregg Doyel it up and tell you how much I hate UNC before I actually write something of substance.
First, Gary Parrish wonders why everyone hates Hansbrough. Then he writes this article and it pretty much sums up the reason everyone hates him by fawning over him. I actually feel a little bad for Hansbrough...simply because I don't dislike him any more than I dislike his teammates...still it is pretty obvious why there is a Hansbrough backlash. This article and the next two after that will be Exhibits A-C.
And just like that -- exactly 13.8 seconds earlier than most expected -- Tyler Hansbrough's historic career in this historic building came to a close, North Carolina's all-time leading scorer required by rule to exit the court after his fifth foul Sunday.
The only time Tyler Hansbrough will foul out during a game is when the game is already in hand. He can go over a player's back 100 times a game or commit 10 other fouls trying to get a loose ball and he will not get called for it. I would put the odds of him fouling out at a crucial point in the NCAA Tournament roughly near 1,000,000 to 1.
I also like how Parrish wrote "required by rule" because Hansbrough is seen as such a hard worker, it is impossible to get him off the court unless it is required by rule. He sleeps, eats and goes to the bathroom on the court...refusing to leave, unless required by rule of course.
Because that final walk to the bench was the consequence of a fifth foul, the result of a mistake. So Hansbrough was certifiably pissed during every step of his trek from the far end of the court, and when he arrived at the bench he simply shook the hand of Roy Williams, all business, right to the end.
"I was mad," Hansbrough said. "I was upset with myself."
Nearly every player in college basketball is upset when they foul out of a game. Only one or two get an article written about them mentioning this as a positive attribute that should be celebrated. Hansbrough cares so much more than any other player because he is a competitor. He is like David Eckstein, except really tall and a lot more bizarre looking.
My sister keeps telling me Hansbrough is a peach of a guy and I believe her, but I can't separate this from his on court persona. That would ruin the hatred for me. I must compartmentalize at all times.
In a word, it was sweet. And as he did all this while alternating between a smile and tears, I couldn't help but watch and wonder why more players don't hang around for this type of stuff, why everybody always seems in such a hurry to leave college, ASAP.
I don't know if this is supposed to be a puff piece but I feel like this article should have the hushed lighting of a Barbara Walters interview.
And just so we're clear, you'll never read a column authored by me where a player is criticized for choosing millions over school. In fact, you're more likely to read a column authored by me where a player who turns down millions to stay in school is criticized, because I've long been of the opinion that delaying or risking millions of guaranteed money to play college basketball is stupid.
I think I can agree with this.
But Hansbrough makes me question that opinion.
This is a great reason why everyone hates Hansbrough. Gary Parrish is so resolute that players should choose taking money over staying in college and he thinks those that don't do this are stupid...but yet Hansbrough makes him question his own resolute opinion because of how much fun he looks like he is having in college. Tyler is special, his very existence in college basketball makes other people question their beliefs on whether chasing money in the NBA is a good decision.
Each time he didn't do it, he passed on millions. But had he ever done it he would've passed on all this, i.e., the records, the honors, the legend and, yeah, the normal things that go along with being a college student.
"I'll remember all the fun I've had off the court, too," Hansbrough said. "Going to parties, jumping off frat houses, doing stupid stuff."
Exactly.
Doing stupid stuff.
Don't all of our best college memories revolve around doing stupid stuff?
Parties and movies and all-nighters and girlfriends.
God, this sounds all very High School Musical 4 doesn't it?
Here is a quick study in media perception. While the perception of Matt Leinart is that he stayed in school to take a loaded USC team to a national title, take as few classes as possible and party with his friends, Tyler Hansbrough is glorified and put up on a pedestal for passing up money for hanging out in college and partying. This is exactly why people hate Tyler Hansbrough. It's a minor difference in perception, but there is a difference. Granted Leinart was at USC a fifth year and Hansbrough will graduate in four years, but I am not talking about reality here, I am talking about the perception of both athletes. If we were talking about reality then everyone who hated and praised Hansbrough would be wrong for feeling the way they do. The truth is somewhere in the middle. Each player has a different perception of their decision to stay in college and they differ simply based on how the media talked about their decision or at least how the media shaded their decision.
Matt Leinart- lazy loser for staying in college, partying with his friends, and doing stupid stuff like dating Paris Hilton rather than taking the guaranteed money of the NFL.
Tyler Hansbrough- over achieving kid who "gets it" by staying in college and passing up the terrible lure of the Sirens of the NBA and its evil money. Just enjoying college by jumping off the roof of buildings into swimming pools.
Ignore everything Leinart has done since the NFL, I am not talking about that, but what I am talking about is that Matt Leinart was potentially the #1 pick in the draft if he had come out after his senior year and yet he chose to stay in school. He threw an incredible amount of things away to do the college thing for one more year and people thought he was lazy by talking ballroom dancing for his only class and he is perceived as a SoCal party boy for his antics. Granted, some of this is his own doing and is a result of the location of the school he attended. Tyler Hansbrough has never even been spoken of as a top 10 pick in the NBA Draft, so he has less of a reason to leave school, and yet he is glorified for having the guts to stay in school and just be a kid. I could see an argument that Hansbrough should have gone pro after his junior year because he was never considered a top pick, so he should leave while he is still guaranteed a first round contract. So in a way Hansbrough had more reason to go pro than Leinart. Also, if you think Leinart was partying a lot more than Hansbrough, then you are naive. Leinart lives in SoCal and that is the difference. Chapel Hill, North Carolina has very few camera guys from TMZ hanging around.
If your favorite school signed a prospect in November, wouldn't you hope that prospect would stay four years, earn a degree, keep out of trouble and smash records? Wouldn't that be the perfect scenario? Of course it would! And really, that's all Hansbrough has done. But somehow he's still become the object of hate, for whatever reason.
Everyone wants this. Of course. If your team's biggest rival did all these things and got 100 articles written about him because of it, wouldn't you find it quite annoying? Hansbrough is a great guy but that is the problem everyone has with him...we get constantly reminded of this every time a game is shown and his spastic thrashings on the offensive end is referred to as "hard work" and never chalked up to the talent he has. Hansbrough is a talented guy and that is something that falls through the cracks when writers are talking about how hard he tries.
Yeah," Hansbrough replied, "But people are still going to hate me."
Perhaps.
But good luck trying to understand why.
No need to understand, Gary Parrish just wrote an article that helped exemplify it for everyone.
To quote one of my favorite Sopranos episodes in regard to Gary Parrish's question in the title about why everyone hates Tyler Hansbrough and his column that followed. (This quote was at the wake for Tony Soprano's mother and I am going from memory, but you get the point):
(Janice Soprano) "Maybe Tony, you can tell everyone why Mom kept all of your awards, papers, and drawings from when you were younger, but why I can't find a single thing that she kept around of mine...Even though everyone knew I had a incredible mind for spatial design, she did not feel the need to keep any of my stuff. Maybe you want to explain that Tony?"
(Tony Soprano) "You just did Janice. Wrap it up."
Gary just did a great job of answering why people hate Hansbrough.
My BFF, Gregg Doyel, thinks that Hansbrough should be on the 1st All American team and got screwed.
It won't just be Parrish, either. I'm hearing Hansbrough will be on the outside looking in on various All-America teams this year, which means college basketball got a whole lot better, or Tyler Hansbrough got worse. Or we're sick of him, which is the only conclusion in this nonsensical situation that makes any sense to me.
Or it could be that he is not one of the 5 best players in NCAA basketball. He is not even the best player on his team. That person is Ty Lawson. UNC can win without Tyler Hansbrough, yep it is true, the team would survive with Ty Zeller, Ed Davis or Deon Thompson on the floor at his position, but they can't win without Ty Lawson. Look, Hansbrough is great and deserved Player of the Year last year but this year there are too many players performing at a higher level. Sure, not being picked is going to motivate him and piss him off to where he tears up the NCAA Tournament with wonderful performances every night and the fact he did not make 1st team All American will get written about maybe 1,000 times, but its only going to increase the hatred for him.
For four years Hansbrough has been shoved down our throat by television. Dick Vitale loves him. All announcers love him. If Hansbrough wore a helmet and pads, he'd be Tim Tebow.
Hansbrough is the all time leader in FT made in the NCAA. For three years now (not this year) he has made a living jumping actually into other players and getting a foul called. He doesn't get the player up in the air or anything, he just jumps into them and throws up a shot and gets the foul call. He got away with it, so more power to him, but he got a lot of foul calls on the whole.
Ten more freshmen went in the first round in 2008. All those million-dollar babies, gone. But Hansbrough dominated when they were in school, and he's still here. And he didn't get worse. He is rebounding more, shooting better, blocking more shots, turning it over less and scoring almost three points more per game than he did as a sophomore, when he was a consensus All-American.
I actually think Hansbrough deserves to be 1st team All American. It is probably not helping him that his numbers are down from last year across the board, more than his popularity is actually hurting him. Generally voters like to see players progress from year to year and Hansbrough has played less minutes this year so his numbers are slightly down. He doesn't have to do as much for the team to be successful and it is showing.
Hansbrough didn't have any PlayStation games. He just checks in with something approaching 20 points and 10 rebounds, and he does it every time. But we've seen that before. Now, if he could put up 20-and-10 while balancing a rubber ducky on his nose ...
This is another reason why people hate Tyler Hansbrough. He gets credit for everything he does, even if the writer has to stretch a little bit to give him the credit. He has averaged 20-10 only once in his career and that was last year...and he got the PoY award in response to this. 8.2 rebounds per game is not "approaching" 10 rebounds, that is about 50 rebounds or 2 rebounds a game off the pace.
Griffin will be an All-American everywhere, including here at CBSSports.com, where he joins Pittsburgh's DeJuan Blair (15.6 ppg, 12.4 rpg) in the frontcourt. The rest of the first team is Davidson's Stephen Curry (28.6 ppg, 5.7 assists), Arizona State's James Harden (20.8 ppg, 5.4 rpg, 4.1 apg) and North Carolina's Ty Lawson (15.9 ppg, 6.5 apg).
Every single one of those players improved on his total numbers from last year and that must be what the voters are looking for. I would take James Harden off the list personally but I can understand why others do not do that...especially if that person wants a team with players at each PG, SG, SF, PF, C position.
There have been 13 players mentioned in this story alone. Any of them, in a weaker year for college basketball, would be a legitimate first-team pick. But only five can make it, so most of them will be left out. I'm understanding. Up to a point.
Again, another reason people hate Tyler Hansbrough. Just like Parrish, who has the policy of criticizing players who don't leave for the NBA but Hansbrough almost makes him re-think it, Gregg Doyel understands players get left off the first team All American squad and is usually fine with it, but thinks Hansbrough should be the exception to this rule. Hansbrough doesn't need a crowd at games, he has every journalist in the free world cheering him on.
That point being Griffin and Hansbrough. They're All-Americans. Period.
You are only exacerbating the problem. I don't dislike Hansbrough any more than I dislike any other UNC player but it is hard to feel that way when you read articles like this.
You need another article as an example of why people hate Tyler Hansbrough? I know you do. Here's one.
She sounded as only a member of the dance team at a Deep South flagship state university can. She had just enough brass in her voice -- a voice that will serve her well when she's managing accounts, analyzing financials or selling McMansions in five years -- to seem perfectly justified in her intrusion on the quiet time of a campus legend.
This writing is courtesy of Andy Staples. First off, North Carolina is not the motherfucking Deep South. If the South begins in Virginia, there are three states below it. Check out a map or an atlas or google "map of the United States" and see where it is located in relation the rest of the fucking United States, then re-write this sentence.
This cheerleader could be getting married to a successful person and raising children, telling the Women's Liberation Movement to go fuck itself, just because she goes to UNC doesn't mean Finance is the career path she will choose. I just wanted to give this person other options that don't involve a stereotype of women being successful and career driven if they graduate college from UNC. Or I could just be bitter and not like UNC. Take your pick.
"Come ohn, Psy-cho Tee!"
Seriously, that is his nickname.
North Carolina's all-time leading scorer wore the same expression he always wears before he pours another gallon of sweat onto the hardwood.
Right now I am having a cliche overdose. This sentence is the penultimate sentence on why people hate Tyler Hansbrough, because journalists write shit like this sentence about him all the time. All the time. If anyone doesn't dislike Hansbrough read this sentence three times. You will dislike him at the end of the third time. He averages 30 minutes per game, all of them hard fought, just like every other college athlete in the country. He just looks like he is working harder because he is spastic and overdoes absolutely everything. He probably gasps and throws his body up against the wall when he is taking a piss...just to make it seem like he is expending great amounts of effort.
I also wonder if Hansbrough is pouring his own sweat on the court in this cliche or sweat he has collected from other people?
"It's a hard game to play," said Hansbrough, who scored 17 points and grabbed eight rebounds.
Or as Gregg Doyel would say, he put up something approaching 20 points and ten rebounds.
Even though Jordan's presence somehow inspired Hansbrough to channel the spirit of Jordan's former Bulls teammate Craig Hodges -- Hansbrough made his 11th and 12th career 3-pointers in the first half
I am sure Michael Jordan's presence made Tyler Hansbrough immediately think of an obscure teammate of Jordan's, Craig Hodges, and Hansbrough was so inspired by this thought he started just making three pointers. It always happens like that. Hansbrough's brain is always working in the form of Six Degrees of Michael Jordan to get inspiration.
I am sure Andy Staples is a grand guy but the beginning of this article is exactly why people hate Tyler Hansbrough. Writers use cliched cliches to describe his effort level all the time and the love for him is never ending from writers. Also, North Carolina is NOT the Deep South...this irritates me greatly.
This guy explains exactly why others hate Tyler Hansbrough. He is of course able to do it more eloquently than I do.
First of all, style of play. It's worth mentioning. Watching Hansbrough is not fun or entertaining or aesthetically enjoyable. It's just ugly.
It is beyond ugly. Whether it is ugly jump shot, watching him glide across the lane turn sideways and throw up a shot in hopes of drawing a foul, watching him flop on the court when hit by an opposing player when the same contact doesn't prevent him from getting an offensive rebound, or his shot-put attempt at a layup, watching Hansbrough is ugly. He is also incredibly effective as well.
But that really doesn't get to the heart of the matter. The real reason why people loathe Tyler Hansbrough is much simpler, much less psychological. People dislike Tyler Hansbrough because the media loves him.
This, in a nutshell, is pretty much the entire truth. I also don't really like him because the media does portray him as a guy who does things the right way, yet he has a tendency to pout when a foul is called against him and he also tends to do borderline technical foul type antics when a call does not go his way. This past Sunday he got called for an offensive foul, screamed at the referee who made the call, and then held the ball under his arm as he walked down the court bitching the entire time. He also failed to draw a charge earlier in the game and convulsed his body on the floor in anger. Since Tyler Hansbrough does everything overblown, it was quite noticeable.
Shockingly the media never seems to talk about his tendency to pout when he doesn't get a foul call his way, they just think he is just being a competitor.
Dick Vitale loves him.
Understatement of the year. Of course what doesn't Dick Vitale like? This is the same guy who spends a good portion of a television broadcast actually not talking about the game that is occurring, so it could reasonably be said that he has never actually paid attention to what is going on when Hansbrough plays.
And of course Vitale is the worst offender; even as his supporters admit that Hansbrough's game likely isn't suited for the NBA, Vitale uses broadcast time to dare NBA teams to pass on the player. It's insane.
He did the same thing with J.J. Redick when even the most diehard Duke fan knew that any time an athletic guy could stay with Redick he was going to be shut down. Basically any type of NBA player would prevent him from getting his shot off and it turned out to be true in the NBA. Honestly, Sheldon Williams failing was more of a shock than Redick failing to Duke fans. As far as Hansbrough, he could be a contributor on a playoff team and there would be nothing wrong with that. I would use a late round 1st round pick on him, but the way Dick Vitale refuses to acknowledge any chink in the armor of these college guys is horrible analysis....which ironically is his job, to analyze.
when you start saying things that don't line up, visually, with what your viewers are seeing unfold in front of them -- you undermine the whole enterprise. Fans, whether rationally or not, turn that disconnect into disgust.
This is pretty much how it is with Tyler Hansbrough. I chalk it up to the announcers that networks like ESPN hire who don't necessarily feel like it is their job to call a game and then analyze that game, but to hype up the game so the viewer feels like they are watching the greatest game EVER. Dick Vitale is the absolute best example of this. He seems like a great person but he uses so much hyperbole when talking about players, when he is actually paying attention, he is pretty much unlistenable.
The unfortunate part is that Tyler Hansbrough can't do anything about the people who fawn over him. He is as helpless from stopping it happen as the public is from having to hear what a great player he is. This always seems to happen to white ACC players for some reason.
This hate doesn't come out of nowhere. It's not organic, and it's not grassroots. It's a response. If the next question is "A response to what," then you just haven't been paying attention.
The public can generally only take so much of someone else telling them how good something or someone is. I feel bad for Tyler Hansbrough in a way because he is a victim of his own success, much like others before him. He did so well so early in his career there is a kind of blowback in negative criticism. I, for one, will never dislike him more than I dislike any other UNC basketball player and that is my vow.
Showing posts with label Tyler Hansbrough. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tyler Hansbrough. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Thursday, December 18, 2008
0 comments We're Mad As Hell and Are Going To Type In Mildly Coherent Sentences About It
From time to time I like to look at The Vent, which is basically an Atlanta Braves one sentence message board where morons can write sentences that sound like a fifth grader wrote them. Then they get graded for "the best vents" by their fellow morons. This could not be a more mediocre idea to put on the AJC's Braves page so I have to read them.
They are fun to read because mostly people write them in anger, like when I emailed Matt Doherty and Ronald Curry in 2000 drunk and angry at their actions on the basketball court. I should not have done this but I am sure Ronald Curry showed at least one of his friends what I wrote and I felt better so it worked out for everyone.
I don't care if Smoltz can only roll the ball to the plate. Sign him or be gone, Wren. Like, we're gonna be a contender, duh?
This was the second highest rated comment over the past 30 days. I am trying to decipher this and can only come up with the fact the writer wants Frank Wren to quit if he doesn't sign John Smoltz, regardless of Smoltz's ability, because the Braves are not going to win any games this year so they may as well re-sign Smoltz.
Duh?
I love how this franchise always tantalizes us with possible big name deals, fizzles and winds up with signings the equivalent of fish bait.
Why do I feel like someone is typing this in broken English? Along with the mixed metaphor or analogy or whatever the hell this person was trying to say, I don't think he/she realizes the franchise does not tantalize him, it is the media who reports the story and then this person probably gets his hopes up.
So the Cubs won't give the world for a pitcher either. Good job Cubbies.
This is a Braves venting board and someone took the time out to compliment the Chicago Cubs...how perfectly relevant.
I wonder if we could steal some of the Yankees' prospects (Hughes or Kennedy) for cheap since they don't seem that high on them anymore.
Oh absolutely, I am sure the Yankees are just looking to give away the players they thought enough of to not trade for Johan Santana last year really, really cheap right now. I don't think the New York media would notice that at all. Not all franchises are as stupid as you are.
What a great job Braves GM must be. Do nothing and get paid for it.Team sinking like the Titanic, but we have hope. Genius!
I am not even 100% sure what the hell this guy is referring to. I have a feeling at least 60% of the people who write this stuff in are heavily medicated and see little purple men following them around all day.
Anyone else getting worried we are going to panic and toss our $40 million out the window on this years worthless second-tier players?
You mean Javier Vazquez or constantly injured players like Rafael Furcal and A.J. Burnett?
Would you rather have Ross with his .222 or Corky Miller? I'll take Ross without even knowing who he is!
I would rather know who David Ross is and then make a decision. I love it when fans of teams admit they have absolutely no clue who a player is but he HAS to be better than what the team currently has. Then this person feels the need to post his opinion publicly.
I'd love to have Peavy, but shortstop is a very important position and Escobar will be one of the best for years to come.
Yes, shortstop is a very important position, even though two teams have won World Series with David Eckstein as their starting shortstop. I would have to say Peavy is one of the best pitchers right now, and if given the choice, I would rather have a pitcher who is one of the best as opposed to a shortstop...and so would everyone else on Earth. Good reasoning though.
-Bill Simmons talks about pro wrestling and the new movie "The Wrestler" with Mickey Rourke.
Roger Ebert has got nothing on Bill Simmons. (Speaking of Ebert, this is my favorite movie review of all time and honestly one of the best lengthy put downs I have hear also. The review by Roger Ebert for Deuce Bigalow 2)
Anyway, Simmons' article contains wonderful cinematic relevatory tibits like this:
The hardest achievement in acting—in my opinion, anyway—is nailing a role that absolutely nobody else could have played. Pacino owned Michael Corleone … but DeNiro could have owned it as well. Who else, though, but Val Kilmer could have nailed Jim Morrison? Does anyone besides Will Ferrell pull off Ron Burgundy? Could anyone other than Sly Stallone play Rocky? It's something you can learn only after the fact.
I do love all those movies but it is very hard to read a sentence comparing the character of Ron Burgundy, written by Will Ferrell, to the character of Michael Corleone, which was written by Francis Ford Coppola. I don't think DeNiro could have pulled that role off anyway, because I don't think he could have been as subdued, yet simmering in the role as Pacino was. (I know that sounds weird since Pacino is doing impersonations of himself now and yelling a lot but it was true at the time.)
I do wish someone would point out to Bill it is easier for an actor to play a role that actor actually wrote for himself like Stallone and Ferrell did, as compared to what Val Kilmer and Pacino did in their respective roles.
-What a shock, Carlos Boozer plans on becoming a free agent after this year.
Since last time he tricked a blind man into letting him out of his contract with the intent he would re-sign with the Cavs and then lied, I wonder what tricks he has up his sleeve this time to become a free agent? Is he going to offer to roll Jerry Sloan's mother in a wheelchair around all day and then leave her in the street, then declare free agency or will he just go a more simple route and go to a food shelter, throw food in the face of the homeless, and walk away to declare free agency?
Color me intrigued.
"I'm opting out. No matter what, I'm going to get a raise regardless," Boozer told ESPN.com. "I am going to opt out, I don't see why I wouldn't, I think it's a very good business decision for me and my family, but I'd also like to see what happens with the Jazz and stay here."
I like how he just comes out and says it is all about the money. At least he is honest...unlike last time when he lied to a blind man and caused the Cavs to look for a power forward worth a crap for the next 4 years.
Currently, Atlanta, Memphis, Portland, Miami, Detroit and Oklahoma City are among the teams positioned to have the most cap flecibility.
Apparently cutbacks have stopped ESPN from being able to hire someone to proofread their articles.
-Rick Reilly Gets Paid Millions to Write Things Like This Once A Week.
Do you really have to pay someone millions of dollars to write a puff piece about Tyler Hansbrough? They pretty much write themselves these days. He is hard working, tough, smart, dedicated to being a good player in college and overseas in Europe next year, a good kid who just wants to win, and the person you would want your son/daughter to date.
He'd like to. "Sometimes, when I get an elbow to the face, I'd like to just punch somebody," Hansbrough says. "Hard."
Sometimes when I see him go over someone's back for a rebound, lean into that person while shooting to initiate contact, and then gets a foul call, I would like to punch him in the face. Very hard. Unfortunately, we can ask Gerald Henderson, that would just lead to Hansbrough crying and I would get suspended one game for touching the ACC's golden boy. He is the only person I know of who doesn't bitch about getting fouled all the time by talking about how he does not bitch about getting fouled all the time. He also leaves out the part where he leans into every shot he takes, initiating contact EVERY TIME, and if you watch him closely/at all you can see how many times he commits fouls by elbowing other players in a spastic attempt to get a rebound.
I am not a Tyler Hansbrough fan.
Less humorous are the chants meant for his mom: "MISS Mah-ZOOR-ee!" (Which she was.)
She is also now an employee with the university. Not suspicious at all that his mom gets a job with the university. Of course good ol' Roy Williams would never do anything like that, so gosh darn it I should just quit accusing him.
"I'm not changing anything," he says. "That's my style. I just hope I don't drop dead."
Sadly, I am called an asshole when I wish the opposite as I watch you climb another player's back or come close to tears if a player even comes near hurting you as you flail away with spasms trying to shoot the ball.
-The Red Sox have limits?
"We all have limits," Red Sox owner John Henry said in an e-mail to The Associated Press. "Eight years is a very long time in baseball and everywhere else."
Was that a Barack Obama crack right there? Count John Henry as someone who is not going to want Obama re-elected for a second term!
Seriously, I do like how he doesn't have a problem with the $200 million dollars Tex wants but actually has a problem with the 8 years he wants the length of the contract to be. I can just see the Red Sox/Yankees signing Tex to a 5 year $140 million dollar contract here soon. At least then it won't be for 8 years.
I like how ESPN felt the need last night to break the news Tex was not going to Baltimore. As if this is news. He is going to the New York Yankees or the Boston Red Sox, we should all just prepare for this. I don't know how there has ever been any doubt, because when those two teams are bidding for a player, all other offers will pale in comparison. I say there is a 70% chance he goes to Boston.
-As if Indiana basketball did not have enough problems, now Eric Gordon says the team had players that tore the team apart with drug use.
Gordon declined to identify which players allegedly used drugs, but said D.J. White and two others still on the team were among those who did not.
Gordon and White were the two best players on the team last year, so I can't understand how this really negatively affected the team if the scrubs were the drug abusers. I am kidding, kind of. Call me insensitive but it sounds like it was players who did not even play that often, so they should have just been kicked off the team. The only reason they were not is because Kelvin Sampson, who apparently is not a hypocrite and allows his players to cheat and break rules like he did, was the head coach.
Then-coach Kelvin Sampson tried to stop the drug use, Gordon said, but Sampson "was just so focused on basketball and winning and everything."
Now that is a ringing endorsement for Sampson to be the next head basketball coach wherever the hell he gets hired next.
I thank God every day I am not an Indiana Hoosiers fan.
-Sammy Baugh died.
I know I am in the minority on this issue and I have respect for my elders but I can't ignore the fact these players who played football in the 1930's -1960's would never have made it in the NFL today. I know everyone accepts this but still some idiots feel the need to compare today's players with past players.
Baugh was the best all-around player in an era when such versatility was essential. In 1943, he led the league in passing, punting and defensive interceptions. In one game, he threw four touchdown passes and intercepted four as well. He threw six touchdowns passes in a game twice. His 51.4-yard punting average in 1940 is still the NFL record.
This can not happen in today's NFL, not because the players are not athletic enough, but because the competition is too tough and playing one side of the ball is complicated enough as it is. I am not saying Sammy Baugh was not a great player but at some point it has to be acknowledged he played at a time when the players who played the sport were not nearly as athletic and gifted as they are today, not to mention minorities were not allowed to play.
"There's nobody any better than Sam Baugh was in pro football," Don Maynard, a fellow West Texas Hall of Famer who played for Baugh, said in a 2002 interview. "When I see somebody picking the greatest player around, to me, if they didn't go both ways, they don't really deserve to be nominated. I always ask, 'Well, how'd he do on defense? How was his punting?'"
Is this really what you would ask? Congratulations, Sammy Baugh played three positions, and that is great, but at what point can we acknowledge it was so much easier for him to do this because the game was 10% as advanced then as it is now. I am not trying to pick on old people here and I think he was a great player but to make statements like Don Maynard made in 2002 shows a complete lack of respect for where the game is at now.
"I'll watch it all damn day long," Baugh, who often sprinkled his conversation with mild obscenities, told The Associated Press in a 2002 interview. "I like the football they play. They got bigger boys, and they've also got these damn speed merchants that we didn't have in those days. I'd love to be quarterback this day and time."
Exactly. Sammy Baugh was an above average athlete in a time when there just average athletes. I am not questioning whether Sammy Baugh was a great NFL player but it also has to be mentioned very few players specialized in playing one position at his time so no one was simply great at one thing and there were few to no minorities who played the sport. This really diluted the pool of players and their skills. Players are drafted now just to be kick returners, if that shows you how much specialization occurs.
I know I am being an asshole but the same thing goes for George Mikan. Does anyone really think if he had played against any of the players from the 1970's he would have been as dominate as he was? I certainly don't. I have respect for my elders but it is also wrong to fail to mention they played at a time when the talent pool was diluted for racial reasons and the fact the sport has grown in complexity since the earlier eras.
I am done picking on old people now.
I think I am going to quit while I am way behind.
They are fun to read because mostly people write them in anger, like when I emailed Matt Doherty and Ronald Curry in 2000 drunk and angry at their actions on the basketball court. I should not have done this but I am sure Ronald Curry showed at least one of his friends what I wrote and I felt better so it worked out for everyone.
I don't care if Smoltz can only roll the ball to the plate. Sign him or be gone, Wren. Like, we're gonna be a contender, duh?
This was the second highest rated comment over the past 30 days. I am trying to decipher this and can only come up with the fact the writer wants Frank Wren to quit if he doesn't sign John Smoltz, regardless of Smoltz's ability, because the Braves are not going to win any games this year so they may as well re-sign Smoltz.
Duh?
I love how this franchise always tantalizes us with possible big name deals, fizzles and winds up with signings the equivalent of fish bait.
Why do I feel like someone is typing this in broken English? Along with the mixed metaphor or analogy or whatever the hell this person was trying to say, I don't think he/she realizes the franchise does not tantalize him, it is the media who reports the story and then this person probably gets his hopes up.
So the Cubs won't give the world for a pitcher either. Good job Cubbies.
This is a Braves venting board and someone took the time out to compliment the Chicago Cubs...how perfectly relevant.
I wonder if we could steal some of the Yankees' prospects (Hughes or Kennedy) for cheap since they don't seem that high on them anymore.
Oh absolutely, I am sure the Yankees are just looking to give away the players they thought enough of to not trade for Johan Santana last year really, really cheap right now. I don't think the New York media would notice that at all. Not all franchises are as stupid as you are.
What a great job Braves GM must be. Do nothing and get paid for it.Team sinking like the Titanic, but we have hope. Genius!
I am not even 100% sure what the hell this guy is referring to. I have a feeling at least 60% of the people who write this stuff in are heavily medicated and see little purple men following them around all day.
Anyone else getting worried we are going to panic and toss our $40 million out the window on this years worthless second-tier players?
You mean Javier Vazquez or constantly injured players like Rafael Furcal and A.J. Burnett?
Would you rather have Ross with his .222 or Corky Miller? I'll take Ross without even knowing who he is!
I would rather know who David Ross is and then make a decision. I love it when fans of teams admit they have absolutely no clue who a player is but he HAS to be better than what the team currently has. Then this person feels the need to post his opinion publicly.
I'd love to have Peavy, but shortstop is a very important position and Escobar will be one of the best for years to come.
Yes, shortstop is a very important position, even though two teams have won World Series with David Eckstein as their starting shortstop. I would have to say Peavy is one of the best pitchers right now, and if given the choice, I would rather have a pitcher who is one of the best as opposed to a shortstop...and so would everyone else on Earth. Good reasoning though.
-Bill Simmons talks about pro wrestling and the new movie "The Wrestler" with Mickey Rourke.
Roger Ebert has got nothing on Bill Simmons. (Speaking of Ebert, this is my favorite movie review of all time and honestly one of the best lengthy put downs I have hear also. The review by Roger Ebert for Deuce Bigalow 2)
Anyway, Simmons' article contains wonderful cinematic relevatory tibits like this:
The hardest achievement in acting—in my opinion, anyway—is nailing a role that absolutely nobody else could have played. Pacino owned Michael Corleone … but DeNiro could have owned it as well. Who else, though, but Val Kilmer could have nailed Jim Morrison? Does anyone besides Will Ferrell pull off Ron Burgundy? Could anyone other than Sly Stallone play Rocky? It's something you can learn only after the fact.
I do love all those movies but it is very hard to read a sentence comparing the character of Ron Burgundy, written by Will Ferrell, to the character of Michael Corleone, which was written by Francis Ford Coppola. I don't think DeNiro could have pulled that role off anyway, because I don't think he could have been as subdued, yet simmering in the role as Pacino was. (I know that sounds weird since Pacino is doing impersonations of himself now and yelling a lot but it was true at the time.)
I do wish someone would point out to Bill it is easier for an actor to play a role that actor actually wrote for himself like Stallone and Ferrell did, as compared to what Val Kilmer and Pacino did in their respective roles.
-What a shock, Carlos Boozer plans on becoming a free agent after this year.
Since last time he tricked a blind man into letting him out of his contract with the intent he would re-sign with the Cavs and then lied, I wonder what tricks he has up his sleeve this time to become a free agent? Is he going to offer to roll Jerry Sloan's mother in a wheelchair around all day and then leave her in the street, then declare free agency or will he just go a more simple route and go to a food shelter, throw food in the face of the homeless, and walk away to declare free agency?
Color me intrigued.
"I'm opting out. No matter what, I'm going to get a raise regardless," Boozer told ESPN.com. "I am going to opt out, I don't see why I wouldn't, I think it's a very good business decision for me and my family, but I'd also like to see what happens with the Jazz and stay here."
I like how he just comes out and says it is all about the money. At least he is honest...unlike last time when he lied to a blind man and caused the Cavs to look for a power forward worth a crap for the next 4 years.
Currently, Atlanta, Memphis, Portland, Miami, Detroit and Oklahoma City are among the teams positioned to have the most cap flecibility.
Apparently cutbacks have stopped ESPN from being able to hire someone to proofread their articles.
-Rick Reilly Gets Paid Millions to Write Things Like This Once A Week.
Do you really have to pay someone millions of dollars to write a puff piece about Tyler Hansbrough? They pretty much write themselves these days. He is hard working, tough, smart, dedicated to being a good player in college and overseas in Europe next year, a good kid who just wants to win, and the person you would want your son/daughter to date.
He'd like to. "Sometimes, when I get an elbow to the face, I'd like to just punch somebody," Hansbrough says. "Hard."
Sometimes when I see him go over someone's back for a rebound, lean into that person while shooting to initiate contact, and then gets a foul call, I would like to punch him in the face. Very hard. Unfortunately, we can ask Gerald Henderson, that would just lead to Hansbrough crying and I would get suspended one game for touching the ACC's golden boy. He is the only person I know of who doesn't bitch about getting fouled all the time by talking about how he does not bitch about getting fouled all the time. He also leaves out the part where he leans into every shot he takes, initiating contact EVERY TIME, and if you watch him closely/at all you can see how many times he commits fouls by elbowing other players in a spastic attempt to get a rebound.
I am not a Tyler Hansbrough fan.
Less humorous are the chants meant for his mom: "MISS Mah-ZOOR-ee!" (Which she was.)
She is also now an employee with the university. Not suspicious at all that his mom gets a job with the university. Of course good ol' Roy Williams would never do anything like that, so gosh darn it I should just quit accusing him.
"I'm not changing anything," he says. "That's my style. I just hope I don't drop dead."
Sadly, I am called an asshole when I wish the opposite as I watch you climb another player's back or come close to tears if a player even comes near hurting you as you flail away with spasms trying to shoot the ball.
-The Red Sox have limits?
"We all have limits," Red Sox owner John Henry said in an e-mail to The Associated Press. "Eight years is a very long time in baseball and everywhere else."
Was that a Barack Obama crack right there? Count John Henry as someone who is not going to want Obama re-elected for a second term!
Seriously, I do like how he doesn't have a problem with the $200 million dollars Tex wants but actually has a problem with the 8 years he wants the length of the contract to be. I can just see the Red Sox/Yankees signing Tex to a 5 year $140 million dollar contract here soon. At least then it won't be for 8 years.
I like how ESPN felt the need last night to break the news Tex was not going to Baltimore. As if this is news. He is going to the New York Yankees or the Boston Red Sox, we should all just prepare for this. I don't know how there has ever been any doubt, because when those two teams are bidding for a player, all other offers will pale in comparison. I say there is a 70% chance he goes to Boston.
-As if Indiana basketball did not have enough problems, now Eric Gordon says the team had players that tore the team apart with drug use.
Gordon declined to identify which players allegedly used drugs, but said D.J. White and two others still on the team were among those who did not.
Gordon and White were the two best players on the team last year, so I can't understand how this really negatively affected the team if the scrubs were the drug abusers. I am kidding, kind of. Call me insensitive but it sounds like it was players who did not even play that often, so they should have just been kicked off the team. The only reason they were not is because Kelvin Sampson, who apparently is not a hypocrite and allows his players to cheat and break rules like he did, was the head coach.
Then-coach Kelvin Sampson tried to stop the drug use, Gordon said, but Sampson "was just so focused on basketball and winning and everything."
Now that is a ringing endorsement for Sampson to be the next head basketball coach wherever the hell he gets hired next.
I thank God every day I am not an Indiana Hoosiers fan.
-Sammy Baugh died.
I know I am in the minority on this issue and I have respect for my elders but I can't ignore the fact these players who played football in the 1930's -1960's would never have made it in the NFL today. I know everyone accepts this but still some idiots feel the need to compare today's players with past players.
Baugh was the best all-around player in an era when such versatility was essential. In 1943, he led the league in passing, punting and defensive interceptions. In one game, he threw four touchdown passes and intercepted four as well. He threw six touchdowns passes in a game twice. His 51.4-yard punting average in 1940 is still the NFL record.
This can not happen in today's NFL, not because the players are not athletic enough, but because the competition is too tough and playing one side of the ball is complicated enough as it is. I am not saying Sammy Baugh was not a great player but at some point it has to be acknowledged he played at a time when the players who played the sport were not nearly as athletic and gifted as they are today, not to mention minorities were not allowed to play.
"There's nobody any better than Sam Baugh was in pro football," Don Maynard, a fellow West Texas Hall of Famer who played for Baugh, said in a 2002 interview. "When I see somebody picking the greatest player around, to me, if they didn't go both ways, they don't really deserve to be nominated. I always ask, 'Well, how'd he do on defense? How was his punting?'"
Is this really what you would ask? Congratulations, Sammy Baugh played three positions, and that is great, but at what point can we acknowledge it was so much easier for him to do this because the game was 10% as advanced then as it is now. I am not trying to pick on old people here and I think he was a great player but to make statements like Don Maynard made in 2002 shows a complete lack of respect for where the game is at now.
"I'll watch it all damn day long," Baugh, who often sprinkled his conversation with mild obscenities, told The Associated Press in a 2002 interview. "I like the football they play. They got bigger boys, and they've also got these damn speed merchants that we didn't have in those days. I'd love to be quarterback this day and time."
Exactly. Sammy Baugh was an above average athlete in a time when there just average athletes. I am not questioning whether Sammy Baugh was a great NFL player but it also has to be mentioned very few players specialized in playing one position at his time so no one was simply great at one thing and there were few to no minorities who played the sport. This really diluted the pool of players and their skills. Players are drafted now just to be kick returners, if that shows you how much specialization occurs.
I know I am being an asshole but the same thing goes for George Mikan. Does anyone really think if he had played against any of the players from the 1970's he would have been as dominate as he was? I certainly don't. I have respect for my elders but it is also wrong to fail to mention they played at a time when the talent pool was diluted for racial reasons and the fact the sport has grown in complexity since the earlier eras.
I am done picking on old people now.
I think I am going to quit while I am way behind.
Friday, October 31, 2008
0 comments Holy Crap, It's All Over and They're Done!
Jeff Goodman, who looks like Corky from "Life Goes On" in his blog picture, is deeply concerned about the North Carolina Tar Heels ability to win the National Championship. He is in full panic mode.
NO!!!
What could have changed his mind when the Tar Heels are #1 in the country in all the preseason polls and are considered the top men's college basketball team in the country and are having wonderful things written about them? Things like this, this, and this.
First the top-ranked North Carolina Tar Heels lost Marcus Ginyard, their top defensive player, to a stress fracture on his left foot. Now they have lost the nation’s top player in Tyler Hansbrough.
First they lose a Ginyard and now they are losing Hansbrough? God, I hope Roy Williams has enough McDonald's All Americans to replace them:
(Roy Williams looks at roster and sees three McDonald's All Americans on the bench, two of which are over the height of 6'8 and the other is a point guard...immediately stops worrying)
Gosh, I feel miserable for UNC. This is probably the end of the program, losing Hansbrough for the entire year.
The folks at North Carolina aren’t saying how long Hansbrough will miss, but it could be a month or so – which could be a significant early hit for everyone’s No. 1 team.
A month. That is it. Tyler Hansbrough is going to be out for a month of the season worst case scenario at the beginning of the year, which is not when the National Championship is decided by the way, and Jeff Goodman has his panties in a wad over this.
This is a set back for the Tar Heels in trying to not lose a game this year, but that is about it, it's not like Tom Brady getting injured for the entire year. It's like Tom Brady getting injured for a month and having David Garrard as his back up.
Without Hansbrough and Ginyard, it’s highly unlikely the Tar Heels run the table in Maui and also knock off Michigan State in Detroit.
That would stink because the team that wins the Maui Invitational is the only team allowed to participate in the rest of the regular season. All the other teams are forced to "finish" their degrees and wait for next year. It's the end of everything! Life has no meaning now. (Slits wrists with Tyler Hansbrough replica first semester sophomore year official transcript)
If anyone has ever read this blog you know I am not a huge Tyler Hansbrough fan for a variety of reasons. He has been tagged on this site more than probably any other player. Let's be honest though, him missing one month at a maximum is going to allow the younger freshman to get more playing time and that is not a bad thing. About February/March you are going to be reading columns by Corky Goodman about how this has actually helped the Tar Heels this season. It's like Goodman is writing columns now just to set up later columns. Kind of a like a bipolar point/counterpoint.
They may even have trouble with Patrick Patterson and Kentucky on Nov. 18 in Chapel Hill.
Other than Patrick Patterson, who the hell does Kentucky have? I would say UNC has 4 more players on their team better than the next best player on Kentucky. So what if they have trouble with Kentucky? It is one loss. So what if they don't win the Maui Invitational? It is just a preseason tournament.
It's not like UNC is going to have sit beside their television on Selection Sunday hoping their 27-5 record and the fact they won the ACC Tournament is going to be good enough to get them in.
Sure, the Tar Heels are deep – but not deep enough to lose two starters without missing a beat.
Yes, they may "miss a beat" or two, but Hansbrough will be back before December and Marcus Ginyard is coming back in late December. Ginyard is a great defender but is quite replaceable on the offensive end. Quit being a drama queen over this. Sure it is a setback, but it's not like UNC does not have two other players who were highly recruited to take his place. This is their chance to shine and they probably will.
Don’t try and tell me Deon Thompson’s going to be able to stop Luke Harangody if the Tar Heels go up against Notre Dame in the championship game of the Maui Invitational.
Shit, UNC will be lucky if they can figure out how to board the plane without Hansbrough. He is their leader, their heart and soul, the man they go to in the clutch, the guy who hits everyone in the ass with a towel in the locker room (without blinking), and just a great human being. Roy Williams and UNC is nothing without Tyler Hansbrough. Nothing!
If UNC loses to Notre Dame, then that is it. Season over. They will never ever have a chance to redeem themselves. Someone needs to put Corky Goodman on suicide watch.
Freshman Ed Davis is already hurt and isn’t physically ready, anyway. Fellow frosh Tyler Zeller doesn't stand a chance against 'Gody.
Ed Davis hasn't even hit puberty yet. His legs are not even fully grown either. He is actually 5 foot 2 inches, not the 6 foot 8 inches everyone reports. He can't ever guard anyone. It's not like he was the #10 ranked recruit for the 2008 recruiting class.
Tyler Zeller won't be able to guard either. All 7' foot 0 inches of him, could never guard him alone. Did you see him in the McDonald's All American game? Well, if you did his six points were just luck.
I wonder if Jeff Goodman is aware that UNC will not only be playing Patrick Patterson and 'Gody, but the rest of the Notre Dame and Kentucky basketball team, which for the record, is not as good as the rest of the UNC basketball team.
You’ve got to feel badly for Psycho T, though, since he decided to return for his senior campaign because, well, he loves college basketball.
He plays with such passion because he loves the game. All the other college basketball players actually hate the game and are forced to play by their mommies and daddies. While these other people are crying in their bed at night at having to play basketball everyday, Tyler Hansbrough is eating basketballs in one bite, humping cheerleaders at center court, and eating dinner every night at the scorer's table because he loves this game so fucking much.
The positive - if there is a positive in all of this - is that the doctors seem to have caught the injury before it got too serious. This is a precursor to a stress fracture, which is what will sideline Ginyard for about two months.
If there is a positive in all this? Maybe the positive is that the other wonderful basketball players who usually have to sit on the bench are going to be able to play now making the team stronger come NCAA Tournament time, which is the only time that really counts in the basketball season. If Carolina makes it, and that is not a huge if, that is all that matters because Tyler Hansbrough will be back on the court in plenty of time to participate.
They had better, because realistically, the Tar Heels aren't hanging a banner without their Psycho T.
They won't have to do anything in the NCAA Tournament without Tyler Hansbrough, he will be back in plenty of time to participate in the tournament, they will lose a maximum of three games with him gone, and they are still the favorites to win the National Championship. Go breathe into a paper bag for a few minutes. It will all be fine.
NO!!!
What could have changed his mind when the Tar Heels are #1 in the country in all the preseason polls and are considered the top men's college basketball team in the country and are having wonderful things written about them? Things like this, this, and this.
First the top-ranked North Carolina Tar Heels lost Marcus Ginyard, their top defensive player, to a stress fracture on his left foot. Now they have lost the nation’s top player in Tyler Hansbrough.
First they lose a Ginyard and now they are losing Hansbrough? God, I hope Roy Williams has enough McDonald's All Americans to replace them:
(Roy Williams looks at roster and sees three McDonald's All Americans on the bench, two of which are over the height of 6'8 and the other is a point guard...immediately stops worrying)
Gosh, I feel miserable for UNC. This is probably the end of the program, losing Hansbrough for the entire year.
The folks at North Carolina aren’t saying how long Hansbrough will miss, but it could be a month or so – which could be a significant early hit for everyone’s No. 1 team.
A month. That is it. Tyler Hansbrough is going to be out for a month of the season worst case scenario at the beginning of the year, which is not when the National Championship is decided by the way, and Jeff Goodman has his panties in a wad over this.
This is a set back for the Tar Heels in trying to not lose a game this year, but that is about it, it's not like Tom Brady getting injured for the entire year. It's like Tom Brady getting injured for a month and having David Garrard as his back up.
Without Hansbrough and Ginyard, it’s highly unlikely the Tar Heels run the table in Maui and also knock off Michigan State in Detroit.
That would stink because the team that wins the Maui Invitational is the only team allowed to participate in the rest of the regular season. All the other teams are forced to "finish" their degrees and wait for next year. It's the end of everything! Life has no meaning now. (Slits wrists with Tyler Hansbrough replica first semester sophomore year official transcript)
If anyone has ever read this blog you know I am not a huge Tyler Hansbrough fan for a variety of reasons. He has been tagged on this site more than probably any other player. Let's be honest though, him missing one month at a maximum is going to allow the younger freshman to get more playing time and that is not a bad thing. About February/March you are going to be reading columns by Corky Goodman about how this has actually helped the Tar Heels this season. It's like Goodman is writing columns now just to set up later columns. Kind of a like a bipolar point/counterpoint.
They may even have trouble with Patrick Patterson and Kentucky on Nov. 18 in Chapel Hill.
Other than Patrick Patterson, who the hell does Kentucky have? I would say UNC has 4 more players on their team better than the next best player on Kentucky. So what if they have trouble with Kentucky? It is one loss. So what if they don't win the Maui Invitational? It is just a preseason tournament.
It's not like UNC is going to have sit beside their television on Selection Sunday hoping their 27-5 record and the fact they won the ACC Tournament is going to be good enough to get them in.
Sure, the Tar Heels are deep – but not deep enough to lose two starters without missing a beat.
Yes, they may "miss a beat" or two, but Hansbrough will be back before December and Marcus Ginyard is coming back in late December. Ginyard is a great defender but is quite replaceable on the offensive end. Quit being a drama queen over this. Sure it is a setback, but it's not like UNC does not have two other players who were highly recruited to take his place. This is their chance to shine and they probably will.
Don’t try and tell me Deon Thompson’s going to be able to stop Luke Harangody if the Tar Heels go up against Notre Dame in the championship game of the Maui Invitational.
Shit, UNC will be lucky if they can figure out how to board the plane without Hansbrough. He is their leader, their heart and soul, the man they go to in the clutch, the guy who hits everyone in the ass with a towel in the locker room (without blinking), and just a great human being. Roy Williams and UNC is nothing without Tyler Hansbrough. Nothing!
If UNC loses to Notre Dame, then that is it. Season over. They will never ever have a chance to redeem themselves. Someone needs to put Corky Goodman on suicide watch.
Freshman Ed Davis is already hurt and isn’t physically ready, anyway. Fellow frosh Tyler Zeller doesn't stand a chance against 'Gody.
Ed Davis hasn't even hit puberty yet. His legs are not even fully grown either. He is actually 5 foot 2 inches, not the 6 foot 8 inches everyone reports. He can't ever guard anyone. It's not like he was the #10 ranked recruit for the 2008 recruiting class.
Tyler Zeller won't be able to guard either. All 7' foot 0 inches of him, could never guard him alone. Did you see him in the McDonald's All American game? Well, if you did his six points were just luck.
I wonder if Jeff Goodman is aware that UNC will not only be playing Patrick Patterson and 'Gody, but the rest of the Notre Dame and Kentucky basketball team, which for the record, is not as good as the rest of the UNC basketball team.
You’ve got to feel badly for Psycho T, though, since he decided to return for his senior campaign because, well, he loves college basketball.
He plays with such passion because he loves the game. All the other college basketball players actually hate the game and are forced to play by their mommies and daddies. While these other people are crying in their bed at night at having to play basketball everyday, Tyler Hansbrough is eating basketballs in one bite, humping cheerleaders at center court, and eating dinner every night at the scorer's table because he loves this game so fucking much.
The positive - if there is a positive in all of this - is that the doctors seem to have caught the injury before it got too serious. This is a precursor to a stress fracture, which is what will sideline Ginyard for about two months.
If there is a positive in all this? Maybe the positive is that the other wonderful basketball players who usually have to sit on the bench are going to be able to play now making the team stronger come NCAA Tournament time, which is the only time that really counts in the basketball season. If Carolina makes it, and that is not a huge if, that is all that matters because Tyler Hansbrough will be back on the court in plenty of time to participate.
They had better, because realistically, the Tar Heels aren't hanging a banner without their Psycho T.
They won't have to do anything in the NCAA Tournament without Tyler Hansbrough, he will be back in plenty of time to participate in the tournament, they will lose a maximum of three games with him gone, and they are still the favorites to win the National Championship. Go breathe into a paper bag for a few minutes. It will all be fine.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
0 comments Ten Things I Think I Think Peter King Has Not Thought Of- Dumbed Down Blogger Version
I am just a stupid blogger who writes nothing but filth, and I provide no analysis, so if you are looking for bad jokes (Woody Paige), an in depth interview with Brett Favre via telephone (Peter King), the display of a vendetta against individuals (Jay Mariotti) or Boston sports updates (William G. Simmons) then you are in the wrong place. Lower the IQ and expectations please...
1. Smart move by Buzz to flip out and give deadspin.com more page views and hits than ever before and publicize the site he absolutely hates. If you really think it is filth would it not have been smarter to not flip out and make sure the episode was boring? No one remembers boring episodes of any show where nothing happens. When the people want controversy and you give them that controversy, then it possibly could work out to what is called "publicity."
2. Good article by Jason Whitlock on the incident. (I am being sarcastic here). I actually enjoy Whitlock but still...
http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/8092720/Buzz-off-base-vs.-blogger-at-media-town-hall-
See?
I'm not afraid of blogs. I enjoy them. I post on message boards using my real name. I respond to the e-mails of bloggers. They don't threaten me or the newspaper/journalism industry I love.
How does he know a blogger's email address? Is it especially coarse and has a picture of a donkey fucking a coconut? I love how he talks about blogs like they are different from any other type of literature and uses special code language only bloggers can understand.
He is also tolerant of us! See?
He told me on the ride over that he hated blogs. I told him that blogs weren't going anywhere and we might as well learn to live with them and enjoy them.
I am glad he can learn to live with us. Just like we have had to live with bullshit analysis and journalism for the past 100 years from the media. Thanks Jason for understanding and stopping by today! Horribly injure Woody Paige on the way out will you?
Bloggers might be inspired by their loathing of traditional media, but they are not the cause of our growing irrelevance.
So close...but not quite right. I am personally inspired by the fact I have an informed opinion I would like to make public. I don't loathe the media necessarily, I watch ESPN all the time, but yell at the television from time to time because of the ignorant ideas propagated. I say blame the Women's Suffrage Movement, they just went and gave a voice to EVERYONE.
To his credit, Russo explained that his show is for fans, not athletes or journalists.
You could actually say the same thing about bloggers. We just have a keyboard and not a radio station to broadcast to the world.
I guess bloggers do have a personal vendetta sometimes against writers and spit vitriol that seems kind of cheap and classless. At least writers don't do that:
Some of us don't have the time, patience or inclination to help promote Leitch's book, which spends an inordinate amount of time telling prominent, successful, well-spoken African-Americans that they're not really black.
That's just one comment, no big deal. I can see past it.
Leitch's site troubles a lot of journalists, traditional newspaper writers and broadcasters because we are often the target of his humiliation.
So that is why you don't like him? Common sense, good journalism, rationality, and my sanity have been the target of many journalists opinions, so that is why I have a blog.
I'd like to see David Simon (creator of "The Wire"), Dan LeBatard (Miami media personality), Bill Simmons (ESPN's Sports Guy) and Dr. Richard Lapchick invited to the follow-up discussion to add some diversity. And, of course, people such as Dr. Harry Edwards, Bill Russell, Jim Brown, etc. should be invited too.
And maybe Will Leitch can come along and tell us if we're all acting black enough.
Two problems:
A. Bill Simmons would have nothing fruitful to say about race because he only knows Vegas (which is so overrated according to him), the Boston sports teams and bad 80's movies.
B. Cheap shot again at Leitch. At least Whitlock is staying out of the fray.
3. Stephen A. Smith said on SportsCenter this morning about Avery Johnson's firing:
"Mark Cuban seems to think he has a championship caliber team and they should have performed well in the playoffs in the past two years. Why he thinks this no one in the league really knows."
Oooo! I know, I know! Could it be because the past two years his team has been expected to win both playoffs series they lost and had a #1 seed in the "loaded" West one of those years? As hyped as the West is, for a team to have a #1 seed for the playoffs you would have to assume that team is going to be an NBA Title contender wouldn't you? That is why! Give me my gold star!
4. As often as I hear UNC fans bitch about all the recruiting violations other coaches in the NCAA commit, like filming commercials and coaching USA teams, it is really funny to see them commit a flagrant violation with Barack Obama playing pickup ball and Roy Williams watching, but then be forgiven because it was a "learning experience."
Also, I wish Psycho T and his bff Bobby Frasor would jump off more buildings in the future.
5. My take on the Buzz v. Blog issue is that they need to learn to co-exist with blogs and online writers because they are not going away anytime soon. (Hey, that is the same thing Whitlock said!) Maybe there are blogs that have foul language and present nothing favorable to society, but you don't have to read them. I have never seen an episode of The Simpsons, the Andy Griffith Show, CSI and many others that are plenty popular. You know why? I have free will to turn the television off and not watch those shows I don't care to watch. If you don't like the blogs, don't pay attention to them.
I know you did not ask for my opinion, but I did not ask for Skip Bayless' opinion on anything, and I am subjected to that if I want to watch a daytime sports channel. I think that's the point.
Honestly, this is all giving me a headache.
6. I was going to schedule a vacation to Atlanta around John Smoltz's pitching schedule, so I could see him pitch before he retired. I've seen him close 2 games and I am not sure I am going to get a chance to see him start a game in person.
That was my Peter King note of the week.
7. http://thebiglead.com/?p=5647#more-5647
Read that article and then just think about the free speech issues that go with it. What Mike (or is it Mad Dog? I don't listen to the radio at all, I have these things called "CD's" I listen to) does not realize is that in comparison to the radio and television, where there are fewer options for a viewer, vulgarity is a bigger deal because of the lack of options to choose from. It's not like you or I can start a radio station/television station tomorrow and start showing programming. There is an actual need for the FCC on radio/television because there are so few channels and they can not all show vulgarity, so there needs to be some regulation. There is no need to control the Internet because you don't have to go to the sites that are "vulgar" to enjoy the Internet. There are plenty of "clean" sites.
8. Also, why the fuck is everyone so worried about bad blogging on the Internet and think THAT is the reason to patrol the Internet. Which of these could perceivably have a worse effect on our society:
A. Bad blogging that contains curse words and criticisms of sportswriters.
B. 40 year olds stalking 13 year olds on Myspace
C. The massive amounts of pornography that is readily available on the Internet for those who choose to partake.
This is like saying the FCC should crack down on talk shows because Keith Olbermann or Bill O'Reilly is acting like an ass again. I love how certain individuals take the smallest problem associated with the Internet and use THAT as the reason to get government intervention. Humans fucking donkeys on the Internet is fine, as long as there is no sports vulgarity.
9. I am blowing this all out of portion aren't I? So is everyone else, so consider it a parody of their behavior if you would like.
10. http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/8089770
So, so, true. I always thought that Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire should start lawsuits against those who defamed them if they never took steroids. To me, because they never defended themselves, they were guilty. Sounds stupid but if a person was saying untrue things about me, the first thing I would do is try to put a lid on it as fast as possible to clear my name. Roger Clemens took the lawsuit approach, but it does not seem to work as well when you are actually guilty of the crime. Not to mention, if you have skeletons in the closet, they will come out as well.
My conclusion is that if you are guilty of steroid use, then admit it and go on. If you are innocent and have no skeletons, then fight it. If you are guilty and have skeletons in your closet, DO NOT refuse to admit you are guilty and try to play a game of hardball with your accuser.
Simmons has a new column. I have always thought his material was vulgar overall. Needless to say, it offends me.
1. Smart move by Buzz to flip out and give deadspin.com more page views and hits than ever before and publicize the site he absolutely hates. If you really think it is filth would it not have been smarter to not flip out and make sure the episode was boring? No one remembers boring episodes of any show where nothing happens. When the people want controversy and you give them that controversy, then it possibly could work out to what is called "publicity."
2. Good article by Jason Whitlock on the incident. (I am being sarcastic here). I actually enjoy Whitlock but still...
http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/8092720/Buzz-off-base-vs.-blogger-at-media-town-hall-
See?
I'm not afraid of blogs. I enjoy them. I post on message boards using my real name. I respond to the e-mails of bloggers. They don't threaten me or the newspaper/journalism industry I love.
How does he know a blogger's email address? Is it especially coarse and has a picture of a donkey fucking a coconut? I love how he talks about blogs like they are different from any other type of literature and uses special code language only bloggers can understand.
He is also tolerant of us! See?
He told me on the ride over that he hated blogs. I told him that blogs weren't going anywhere and we might as well learn to live with them and enjoy them.
I am glad he can learn to live with us. Just like we have had to live with bullshit analysis and journalism for the past 100 years from the media. Thanks Jason for understanding and stopping by today! Horribly injure Woody Paige on the way out will you?
Bloggers might be inspired by their loathing of traditional media, but they are not the cause of our growing irrelevance.
So close...but not quite right. I am personally inspired by the fact I have an informed opinion I would like to make public. I don't loathe the media necessarily, I watch ESPN all the time, but yell at the television from time to time because of the ignorant ideas propagated. I say blame the Women's Suffrage Movement, they just went and gave a voice to EVERYONE.
To his credit, Russo explained that his show is for fans, not athletes or journalists.
You could actually say the same thing about bloggers. We just have a keyboard and not a radio station to broadcast to the world.
I guess bloggers do have a personal vendetta sometimes against writers and spit vitriol that seems kind of cheap and classless. At least writers don't do that:
Some of us don't have the time, patience or inclination to help promote Leitch's book, which spends an inordinate amount of time telling prominent, successful, well-spoken African-Americans that they're not really black.
That's just one comment, no big deal. I can see past it.
Leitch's site troubles a lot of journalists, traditional newspaper writers and broadcasters because we are often the target of his humiliation.
So that is why you don't like him? Common sense, good journalism, rationality, and my sanity have been the target of many journalists opinions, so that is why I have a blog.
I'd like to see David Simon (creator of "The Wire"), Dan LeBatard (Miami media personality), Bill Simmons (ESPN's Sports Guy) and Dr. Richard Lapchick invited to the follow-up discussion to add some diversity. And, of course, people such as Dr. Harry Edwards, Bill Russell, Jim Brown, etc. should be invited too.
And maybe Will Leitch can come along and tell us if we're all acting black enough.
Two problems:
A. Bill Simmons would have nothing fruitful to say about race because he only knows Vegas (which is so overrated according to him), the Boston sports teams and bad 80's movies.
B. Cheap shot again at Leitch. At least Whitlock is staying out of the fray.
3. Stephen A. Smith said on SportsCenter this morning about Avery Johnson's firing:
"Mark Cuban seems to think he has a championship caliber team and they should have performed well in the playoffs in the past two years. Why he thinks this no one in the league really knows."
Oooo! I know, I know! Could it be because the past two years his team has been expected to win both playoffs series they lost and had a #1 seed in the "loaded" West one of those years? As hyped as the West is, for a team to have a #1 seed for the playoffs you would have to assume that team is going to be an NBA Title contender wouldn't you? That is why! Give me my gold star!
4. As often as I hear UNC fans bitch about all the recruiting violations other coaches in the NCAA commit, like filming commercials and coaching USA teams, it is really funny to see them commit a flagrant violation with Barack Obama playing pickup ball and Roy Williams watching, but then be forgiven because it was a "learning experience."
Also, I wish Psycho T and his bff Bobby Frasor would jump off more buildings in the future.
5. My take on the Buzz v. Blog issue is that they need to learn to co-exist with blogs and online writers because they are not going away anytime soon. (Hey, that is the same thing Whitlock said!) Maybe there are blogs that have foul language and present nothing favorable to society, but you don't have to read them. I have never seen an episode of The Simpsons, the Andy Griffith Show, CSI and many others that are plenty popular. You know why? I have free will to turn the television off and not watch those shows I don't care to watch. If you don't like the blogs, don't pay attention to them.
I know you did not ask for my opinion, but I did not ask for Skip Bayless' opinion on anything, and I am subjected to that if I want to watch a daytime sports channel. I think that's the point.
Honestly, this is all giving me a headache.
6. I was going to schedule a vacation to Atlanta around John Smoltz's pitching schedule, so I could see him pitch before he retired. I've seen him close 2 games and I am not sure I am going to get a chance to see him start a game in person.
That was my Peter King note of the week.
7. http://thebiglead.com/?p=5647#more-5647
Read that article and then just think about the free speech issues that go with it. What Mike (or is it Mad Dog? I don't listen to the radio at all, I have these things called "CD's" I listen to) does not realize is that in comparison to the radio and television, where there are fewer options for a viewer, vulgarity is a bigger deal because of the lack of options to choose from. It's not like you or I can start a radio station/television station tomorrow and start showing programming. There is an actual need for the FCC on radio/television because there are so few channels and they can not all show vulgarity, so there needs to be some regulation. There is no need to control the Internet because you don't have to go to the sites that are "vulgar" to enjoy the Internet. There are plenty of "clean" sites.
8. Also, why the fuck is everyone so worried about bad blogging on the Internet and think THAT is the reason to patrol the Internet. Which of these could perceivably have a worse effect on our society:
A. Bad blogging that contains curse words and criticisms of sportswriters.
B. 40 year olds stalking 13 year olds on Myspace
C. The massive amounts of pornography that is readily available on the Internet for those who choose to partake.
This is like saying the FCC should crack down on talk shows because Keith Olbermann or Bill O'Reilly is acting like an ass again. I love how certain individuals take the smallest problem associated with the Internet and use THAT as the reason to get government intervention. Humans fucking donkeys on the Internet is fine, as long as there is no sports vulgarity.
9. I am blowing this all out of portion aren't I? So is everyone else, so consider it a parody of their behavior if you would like.
10. http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/8089770
So, so, true. I always thought that Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire should start lawsuits against those who defamed them if they never took steroids. To me, because they never defended themselves, they were guilty. Sounds stupid but if a person was saying untrue things about me, the first thing I would do is try to put a lid on it as fast as possible to clear my name. Roger Clemens took the lawsuit approach, but it does not seem to work as well when you are actually guilty of the crime. Not to mention, if you have skeletons in the closet, they will come out as well.
My conclusion is that if you are guilty of steroid use, then admit it and go on. If you are innocent and have no skeletons, then fight it. If you are guilty and have skeletons in your closet, DO NOT refuse to admit you are guilty and try to play a game of hardball with your accuser.
Simmons has a new column. I have always thought his material was vulgar overall. Needless to say, it offends me.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
0 comments Strike A Match...
Bill Simmons has a mailbag up. Unfortunately his mailbags are the equivalent of finding dog poo in a paper bag on your door step. What initially drew me to the "article" was his comparison between the Celtics '08 team and the '86 team. I was foaming at the mouth to tear this apart, but alas, it was only an April Fool's joke. Now he is mocking his own stupid columns. So we get a mailbag instead involving actual readers writing in to ask the Sports Guy questions. I am weary and just plain tired of this shit, can we not call him the Sports Guy anymore? How about the Boston Sports and 80's Movies Guy? That sounds a lot more accurate.
Q:Your stubborn insistence on writing basketball nonsense for months on end reminds me of when Pearl Jam made albums like "Binaural" to purposely drive fans away.I'd even read a Red Sox column or a Tom Brady column just because it's not a basketball column. You do realize the baseball season started right?-- Danny G., Kansas City, Mo.
SG: Fine, we'll make it an April Fools' mailbag with no basketball questions. (Frankly, any comparison of my hoops columns to "Binaural" is a wake-up call. I might never write about the NBA again.)
Alas, even not on April Fools Day, the joke is always on the reader. They have to read this shit, while Simmons rakes in the dough and re-writes the same article over and over. This question is proof Simmons makes up the questions. No reader in his right mind would want more Red Sox or Tom Brady columns. I also like how the questioner asked for no basketball columns and Simmons responded saying he may never write about the NBA again. Sorry Bill, NCAA is included. Actually making it specifically the NCAA Tournament and anything involving college athletics would be better for me personally. Here is a quote after answering a Brett Favre question that proves how dumb he is:
Speaking of Favre, he already has been replaced by Tyler Hansborough as the token "White Athlete That The Media Openly and Embarrassingly Fawns Over Because of His Work Ethic and Love For the Game." (Note: Steve Nash was the overwhelming favorite here until Hansborough too over during the tournament.)
(Bengoodfella groans in agony) I agree with the statement about Hansbrough, but I think Hansbrough too(k?) over two years ago when he came into college basketball. See Bill, just because you have only watched the NCAA Tournament this year does not mean it did not happen before you watched. I hate we have to go over this again. The media has always fawned over Hansbrough, you were just not paying attention and now you are. Shut the hell up and go to the next question please.
Then Simmons admits he does not watch the National League.
Speaking of baseball, allow me one extended thought about the American League heading into the season. Why the American League and not both leagues? Because that's the league in which I watch 162 Red Sox games a year and throw myself into my AL-only fantasy keeper league.
Don't worry though, this will not stop never ending, "the National League is AAAA ball" jokes and a prediction of an AL team beating an NL team in the World Series.
Boston, Cleveland, Seattle and New York (wild card) in the playoffs and Cleveland over Boston in the ALCS, with the Indians trouncing the D-Backs in another World Series sweep.
See? Not only does he not predict the National League results, he has them being swept in the World Series. This, my friends, is why I hate Simmons' writing. He admits to not following something, but feels knowledgeable enough to make predictions about it. Irritating. This is like me saying, "I have never read a single article by Jemele Hill but I know that Scoop Jackson is more racist."
From here we got emails from Boston, Pennslyvania, Rhode Island, and Connecticut. The emails were also boring. As this whole mailbag was actually. Making fun of this was like writing a review of a Britney Spears concert. The whole premise in itself is comedic, so there is not too much I can add to sum it up efficiently or even comment on it. I think Simmons has finally beat me. He has bored me to death.
Can I get some "uppity, I am rich, so I have lost all perspective" comments Bill? This was about an MTV Gauntlet question, which honestly, who the hell watches that show. I watch the Hills, and I don't watch the Gauntlet. You are 37, Bill, give it up, your prime has past you by. And yeah, I watch the Hills, so screw you all for snickering to yourself.
When I was in Arizona for the Super Bowl, I met a guy named Kyle Brandt, who was one of the "Real World: Chicago" castmates and currently works for Jim Rome. Kyle said MTV has tried to get him to appear on those Gauntlet/Challenge shows and he always turns them down, but when we were talking about it, he said MTV only pays five grand to everyone who comes on those shows (plus prize money). That's like slave labor, isn't it?
No fuckhead, that is not slave labor. Let's sum up the differences since you seem to be too rich to know what real slave labor is.
Real Slave Labor: Getting paid zero dollars an hour for doing a job, having to live in a house with 30 other people and being violently assaulted if you slack off your job, potentially in the anus if they need to prove their point.
Real Modern Day Slave Labor: Getting paid minimum wage for doing a shit job. This comes to about $12K per year.
Bill's idea of Slave Labor: Being paid $5,000 for a month of work on a game with other contestants that are your age on a major network. That comes to 60K per year.
Most people don't earn 60K per year in this country, but Bill thinks you should be paid more for going on a game show and dicking around for a whole fucking month with other people your age. This is the same person who wants Obama to be president. This is the same person who just wrote a eulogy for an athlete who died at a young age and tried to come off as caring. He wants MTV to pay these losers more money. He thinks 5k per month is a slave wage for a game show, constantly talks about his friends who are involved in Hollywood, and "knows people" in the office of Western Conference teams. He has not changed one bit from his Boston Sports Guy days though, don't worry. Let his fans eat bread! Eat bread shitheads! He also probably does not like It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia either, which means he really sucks.
Q: In the past couple years, you've said the Bruins have been dead to you. Now that the Bruins are semi-resurgent (in sixth place in the East as I write this), do you see them making a return to your life at all?-- Andrew M., Pittsburgh
SG: Not until Jeremy Jacobs sells the Bruins and Gary Bettman is replaced. I am an NHL widow until those two things happen. Sorry.
Bill, I think he just called you a fair weather fan. Not sure, but I would like to think so...and you did not catch on at all.
Q: On the "B.S. Report," you mentioned having Phil Hughes on your fantasy squad. As a "die-hard" Red Sox fan, how can you have a player from your sworn enemy? How can you secretly want to see Phil Hughes do well?-- Colin, San Francisco
SG: ...And most importantly ... the Yankees aren't the Yankees anymore. They haven't won a World Series in eight years; they don't have the Steinbrenner Mystique anymore; they're being run by Tommy Boy; they're tearing down The House That Ruth Built; the Mets are replacing them as New York's Most Relevant Baseball Team; they're four years removed from being the first team in the history of the NBA or MLB to blow a 3-0 lead in a series; and as long as Mr. April (A-Rod) is the face of the Yankees, they're a non-threat in the playoffs. To be honest, I'm more concerned with the Indians and Tigers at this stage of my life. So there.
Remember five years ago when Bill Simmons railed against Yankees fans and how pompous they were? Read the above paragraph again and tell me he is not the exact same way now. I dare you. The Yankees are a non-threat in the playoffs? How cocky. I have never heard A Rod called Mr. April before either, that is so new to me! If I were Bill Simmons doing a commentary ten years from now on my articles I would say, "this is the part where I reached the Rocky III part of my life, prior to being caught in a men's room with Kevin Love." What a cocky asshole.
Q: Just watched "Bad News Bears in Breaking Training." Is it me or does William Devane enjoy rubbing Tanner Boyle's leg a little too much after Tanner got taken out by that slide into second base? In about two or three seconds, Devane goes from the genuinely concerned stage to the genuinely creepy stage. Am I nuts?-- Rich, Linden, N.J.
SG: Put it this way: When I bought the DVD, I was looking for a deleted scene where Devane was working on Tanner's leg, the umpires tried to intervene and Devane kept rubbing Tanner's leg and fighting them off, followed by the fans chanting, "Let them be gay! Let them be gay! Let them be gay! Let them be gay!"
Fuck you Rich from New Jersey. Simmons thought of that joke first and even had a chant based on it. There is nothing you can ask him he has not thought of first. He thinks of every joke before you do and can even make it funnier. You can't bring anything up to him that he has not thought of first.
How does anyone like this guy? He is that kid you knew when you were younger who always said he had cooler shit than everyone else but you couldn't see it because his mom did not want anyone in the house while she was at work.
Simmons thought of global warming way before anyone else did. In fact, the reason he hates Dane Cook is that Cook ripped off Simmons' entire stand up act he used to do on the East Coast in the early 90's. I bet Simmons really thought of the idea for Good Luck Chuck way before the screenwriters. Schindler's List was his idea as well.
I will end it this with the reason why Simmons was asked to write for Kimmel originally those many years ago...and that reason is this joke.
Q: Some of my guy friends and I have noticed that when we go on road trips or just general vacations where we spend a lot of time together, we all get on the same pooping "cycle." After a few days together, we always end up having to poop at the same time -- sort of the male equivalent of women and the menstrual cycle. Our question: is there a name for this phenomenon?-- Jakob, San Francisco
SG: The menstool cycle?
Fucking hilarious.
Q:Your stubborn insistence on writing basketball nonsense for months on end reminds me of when Pearl Jam made albums like "Binaural" to purposely drive fans away.I'd even read a Red Sox column or a Tom Brady column just because it's not a basketball column. You do realize the baseball season started right?-- Danny G., Kansas City, Mo.
SG: Fine, we'll make it an April Fools' mailbag with no basketball questions. (Frankly, any comparison of my hoops columns to "Binaural" is a wake-up call. I might never write about the NBA again.)
Alas, even not on April Fools Day, the joke is always on the reader. They have to read this shit, while Simmons rakes in the dough and re-writes the same article over and over. This question is proof Simmons makes up the questions. No reader in his right mind would want more Red Sox or Tom Brady columns. I also like how the questioner asked for no basketball columns and Simmons responded saying he may never write about the NBA again. Sorry Bill, NCAA is included. Actually making it specifically the NCAA Tournament and anything involving college athletics would be better for me personally. Here is a quote after answering a Brett Favre question that proves how dumb he is:
Speaking of Favre, he already has been replaced by Tyler Hansborough as the token "White Athlete That The Media Openly and Embarrassingly Fawns Over Because of His Work Ethic and Love For the Game." (Note: Steve Nash was the overwhelming favorite here until Hansborough too over during the tournament.)
(Bengoodfella groans in agony) I agree with the statement about Hansbrough, but I think Hansbrough too(k?) over two years ago when he came into college basketball. See Bill, just because you have only watched the NCAA Tournament this year does not mean it did not happen before you watched. I hate we have to go over this again. The media has always fawned over Hansbrough, you were just not paying attention and now you are. Shut the hell up and go to the next question please.
Then Simmons admits he does not watch the National League.
Speaking of baseball, allow me one extended thought about the American League heading into the season. Why the American League and not both leagues? Because that's the league in which I watch 162 Red Sox games a year and throw myself into my AL-only fantasy keeper league.
Don't worry though, this will not stop never ending, "the National League is AAAA ball" jokes and a prediction of an AL team beating an NL team in the World Series.
Boston, Cleveland, Seattle and New York (wild card) in the playoffs and Cleveland over Boston in the ALCS, with the Indians trouncing the D-Backs in another World Series sweep.
See? Not only does he not predict the National League results, he has them being swept in the World Series. This, my friends, is why I hate Simmons' writing. He admits to not following something, but feels knowledgeable enough to make predictions about it. Irritating. This is like me saying, "I have never read a single article by Jemele Hill but I know that Scoop Jackson is more racist."
From here we got emails from Boston, Pennslyvania, Rhode Island, and Connecticut. The emails were also boring. As this whole mailbag was actually. Making fun of this was like writing a review of a Britney Spears concert. The whole premise in itself is comedic, so there is not too much I can add to sum it up efficiently or even comment on it. I think Simmons has finally beat me. He has bored me to death.
Can I get some "uppity, I am rich, so I have lost all perspective" comments Bill? This was about an MTV Gauntlet question, which honestly, who the hell watches that show. I watch the Hills, and I don't watch the Gauntlet. You are 37, Bill, give it up, your prime has past you by. And yeah, I watch the Hills, so screw you all for snickering to yourself.
When I was in Arizona for the Super Bowl, I met a guy named Kyle Brandt, who was one of the "Real World: Chicago" castmates and currently works for Jim Rome. Kyle said MTV has tried to get him to appear on those Gauntlet/Challenge shows and he always turns them down, but when we were talking about it, he said MTV only pays five grand to everyone who comes on those shows (plus prize money). That's like slave labor, isn't it?
No fuckhead, that is not slave labor. Let's sum up the differences since you seem to be too rich to know what real slave labor is.
Real Slave Labor: Getting paid zero dollars an hour for doing a job, having to live in a house with 30 other people and being violently assaulted if you slack off your job, potentially in the anus if they need to prove their point.
Real Modern Day Slave Labor: Getting paid minimum wage for doing a shit job. This comes to about $12K per year.
Bill's idea of Slave Labor: Being paid $5,000 for a month of work on a game with other contestants that are your age on a major network. That comes to 60K per year.
Most people don't earn 60K per year in this country, but Bill thinks you should be paid more for going on a game show and dicking around for a whole fucking month with other people your age. This is the same person who wants Obama to be president. This is the same person who just wrote a eulogy for an athlete who died at a young age and tried to come off as caring. He wants MTV to pay these losers more money. He thinks 5k per month is a slave wage for a game show, constantly talks about his friends who are involved in Hollywood, and "knows people" in the office of Western Conference teams. He has not changed one bit from his Boston Sports Guy days though, don't worry. Let his fans eat bread! Eat bread shitheads! He also probably does not like It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia either, which means he really sucks.
Q: In the past couple years, you've said the Bruins have been dead to you. Now that the Bruins are semi-resurgent (in sixth place in the East as I write this), do you see them making a return to your life at all?-- Andrew M., Pittsburgh
SG: Not until Jeremy Jacobs sells the Bruins and Gary Bettman is replaced. I am an NHL widow until those two things happen. Sorry.
Bill, I think he just called you a fair weather fan. Not sure, but I would like to think so...and you did not catch on at all.
Q: On the "B.S. Report," you mentioned having Phil Hughes on your fantasy squad. As a "die-hard" Red Sox fan, how can you have a player from your sworn enemy? How can you secretly want to see Phil Hughes do well?-- Colin, San Francisco
SG: ...And most importantly ... the Yankees aren't the Yankees anymore. They haven't won a World Series in eight years; they don't have the Steinbrenner Mystique anymore; they're being run by Tommy Boy; they're tearing down The House That Ruth Built; the Mets are replacing them as New York's Most Relevant Baseball Team; they're four years removed from being the first team in the history of the NBA or MLB to blow a 3-0 lead in a series; and as long as Mr. April (A-Rod) is the face of the Yankees, they're a non-threat in the playoffs. To be honest, I'm more concerned with the Indians and Tigers at this stage of my life. So there.
Remember five years ago when Bill Simmons railed against Yankees fans and how pompous they were? Read the above paragraph again and tell me he is not the exact same way now. I dare you. The Yankees are a non-threat in the playoffs? How cocky. I have never heard A Rod called Mr. April before either, that is so new to me! If I were Bill Simmons doing a commentary ten years from now on my articles I would say, "this is the part where I reached the Rocky III part of my life, prior to being caught in a men's room with Kevin Love." What a cocky asshole.
Q: Just watched "Bad News Bears in Breaking Training." Is it me or does William Devane enjoy rubbing Tanner Boyle's leg a little too much after Tanner got taken out by that slide into second base? In about two or three seconds, Devane goes from the genuinely concerned stage to the genuinely creepy stage. Am I nuts?-- Rich, Linden, N.J.
SG: Put it this way: When I bought the DVD, I was looking for a deleted scene where Devane was working on Tanner's leg, the umpires tried to intervene and Devane kept rubbing Tanner's leg and fighting them off, followed by the fans chanting, "Let them be gay! Let them be gay! Let them be gay! Let them be gay!"
Fuck you Rich from New Jersey. Simmons thought of that joke first and even had a chant based on it. There is nothing you can ask him he has not thought of first. He thinks of every joke before you do and can even make it funnier. You can't bring anything up to him that he has not thought of first.
How does anyone like this guy? He is that kid you knew when you were younger who always said he had cooler shit than everyone else but you couldn't see it because his mom did not want anyone in the house while she was at work.
Simmons thought of global warming way before anyone else did. In fact, the reason he hates Dane Cook is that Cook ripped off Simmons' entire stand up act he used to do on the East Coast in the early 90's. I bet Simmons really thought of the idea for Good Luck Chuck way before the screenwriters. Schindler's List was his idea as well.
I will end it this with the reason why Simmons was asked to write for Kimmel originally those many years ago...and that reason is this joke.
Q: Some of my guy friends and I have noticed that when we go on road trips or just general vacations where we spend a lot of time together, we all get on the same pooping "cycle." After a few days together, we always end up having to poop at the same time -- sort of the male equivalent of women and the menstrual cycle. Our question: is there a name for this phenomenon?-- Jakob, San Francisco
SG: The menstool cycle?
Fucking hilarious.
Monday, March 31, 2008
0 comments Ten Things I Think I Think Peter King Has Not Thought Of
Bill Simmons has not written an article in the past 2 days and I am too lazy to dissect an article right now, so...
1. There was a middle aged UNC fan at the bar I went to for the UNC-Louisville game who after Tyler Hansbrough made a shot screamed, "Viva Viagra!" There should be a two drink limit if you are over 50 at a bar. Sorry, that is what the rules should be. David Padgett could learn a lot from Tyler Hansbrough. He needs to not stand 20 feet from the basket, and he needs to be under the basket trying to get the ball to get fouls on Hansbrough. He also needs to learn to go spastic whenever he is touched like Psycho T does also. It would also help if he was as good at basketball as Psycho T is. Also, in case you have not heard, Dick Vitale again said Tyler tries harder than any other basketball player he has ever seen. Hyperbole is annoying.
2. I still think UNC will win the NCAA Championship and I think they will play Memphis. I wish I had thought of this before I chose Texas to beat Memphis.
3. Peter King's MMQB always bores me in the very beginning. I pretty much only read the Ten Things He Thinks and the quotes he puts up and then dissects those quotes. I used to read it all the way through but his Favre and Patriots slobber really makes it a tough read for me. Even this week he profiles the Falcons GM...who used to work for the Patriots. For some reason, it reeks of self importance to me.
4. Bobby Cox has no clue how to handle a bullpen. He has a knack for bringing the wrong guy in at the wrong time...or as he does now, just keeps the right guy in too long.
5. Does anyone else in the world give a shit where Pacman Jones goes? Why is this being covered so much? Is it because he is so interesting or because the Dallas Cowboys are involved?
6. http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/7951230
Ken Rosenthal wrote an article where he basically says, "Go ahead and make fun of me bloggers!" So I will, for a second. His choice for a champion would not be my choice, but that is not the problem with the article. The problem is that I was not sure if this article was:
A. Him choosing the World Series Champion.
B. His response to those who like to use PECOTA to predict an outcome. Though honestly, how is that any sillier than just guessing?
C. Him giving some hell to those bloggers who rip him.
Not a very cohesive article. He could have chosen a champion, given his opinion on bloggers critiques of him, or given his opinion on PECOTA in three separate articles. Instead, he just wrote an incoherent article that was basically the equivalent of a person choosing a marriage partner by saying, "I am old and need to get married. Other men/women have their drawbacks but I will marry this person because there are no other viable options." I have no clue why he chose the team he did.
7. I believe I heard Steve Phillips call Manny Ramirez the best hitter in the major leagues. Son of a bitch, are you kidding me?
8. I don't care what anyone says, I love Bill Raftery. As much as I love Bill Raftery, I greatly dislike Billy Packer...except when I agree with him.
9. I can't wait for the inevitable "Bill Simmons talks about the NCAA Tournament article on ESPN." Even if it is awesome and completely great, I am still going to nitpick it, because he has no right to talk about college basketball due to the fact he knows nothing about it.
10. Jose Canseco is coming off as pathetic and money grabbing now. The fact he tried to extort Magglio Ordonez pretty much proves it to me and also should cloud any conclusions his new book claims to know.
1. There was a middle aged UNC fan at the bar I went to for the UNC-Louisville game who after Tyler Hansbrough made a shot screamed, "Viva Viagra!" There should be a two drink limit if you are over 50 at a bar. Sorry, that is what the rules should be. David Padgett could learn a lot from Tyler Hansbrough. He needs to not stand 20 feet from the basket, and he needs to be under the basket trying to get the ball to get fouls on Hansbrough. He also needs to learn to go spastic whenever he is touched like Psycho T does also. It would also help if he was as good at basketball as Psycho T is. Also, in case you have not heard, Dick Vitale again said Tyler tries harder than any other basketball player he has ever seen. Hyperbole is annoying.
2. I still think UNC will win the NCAA Championship and I think they will play Memphis. I wish I had thought of this before I chose Texas to beat Memphis.
3. Peter King's MMQB always bores me in the very beginning. I pretty much only read the Ten Things He Thinks and the quotes he puts up and then dissects those quotes. I used to read it all the way through but his Favre and Patriots slobber really makes it a tough read for me. Even this week he profiles the Falcons GM...who used to work for the Patriots. For some reason, it reeks of self importance to me.
4. Bobby Cox has no clue how to handle a bullpen. He has a knack for bringing the wrong guy in at the wrong time...or as he does now, just keeps the right guy in too long.
5. Does anyone else in the world give a shit where Pacman Jones goes? Why is this being covered so much? Is it because he is so interesting or because the Dallas Cowboys are involved?
6. http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/7951230
Ken Rosenthal wrote an article where he basically says, "Go ahead and make fun of me bloggers!" So I will, for a second. His choice for a champion would not be my choice, but that is not the problem with the article. The problem is that I was not sure if this article was:
A. Him choosing the World Series Champion.
B. His response to those who like to use PECOTA to predict an outcome. Though honestly, how is that any sillier than just guessing?
C. Him giving some hell to those bloggers who rip him.
Not a very cohesive article. He could have chosen a champion, given his opinion on bloggers critiques of him, or given his opinion on PECOTA in three separate articles. Instead, he just wrote an incoherent article that was basically the equivalent of a person choosing a marriage partner by saying, "I am old and need to get married. Other men/women have their drawbacks but I will marry this person because there are no other viable options." I have no clue why he chose the team he did.
7. I believe I heard Steve Phillips call Manny Ramirez the best hitter in the major leagues. Son of a bitch, are you kidding me?
8. I don't care what anyone says, I love Bill Raftery. As much as I love Bill Raftery, I greatly dislike Billy Packer...except when I agree with him.
9. I can't wait for the inevitable "Bill Simmons talks about the NCAA Tournament article on ESPN." Even if it is awesome and completely great, I am still going to nitpick it, because he has no right to talk about college basketball due to the fact he knows nothing about it.
10. Jose Canseco is coming off as pathetic and money grabbing now. The fact he tried to extort Magglio Ordonez pretty much proves it to me and also should cloud any conclusions his new book claims to know.
Monday, March 10, 2008
0 comments Tyler Hansbrough Has No Skills But Tries Hard
I am not the biggest UNC fan in the world and dislike their man-boy Tyler Hansbrough even more than a normal human ever should but what annoys me most is the perception of him and it is summed up well by Dick Vitale during the Duke-Carolina game Saturday night. And I quote Dickie V...
"Tyler Hansbrough is the only basketball player I have ever seen who tries his hardest on every play and never takes a possession off and that is what makes him so great."
What games is he watching where players are walking up the court playing Guitar Hero and taking bathroom breaks while someone is on the foul line? Maybe he is confusing the NBA with college ball. I don't really know, but what I do know is I watch a lot of college ball and I am pretty, pretty, pretty sure he is not the first basketball player to try his hardest on every play and never take a possession off. I have no proof of this of course, but neither does Dickie V that Hansbrough is the first. It is like he is saying "I am the first person to eat a bucket of ice cream and watch Deal or No Deal while wearing a Speedo." I can't prove it but I can mock it. So it is just a test of wills at this point between me and Dickie V...
Also, enough of the, "he gets the most out of his talent, look at this gritty white person play." Hansbrough is going to be Player of the Year (not a prediction, I just announced it officially, so fuck off nominating/voting committee). Isn't it possible he could just have a lot of skill and what really compliments that skill is how tenacious, annoying he is? Tyler Hansbrough was ranked #10 in his recruiting class and is just about 300 points off the UNC record for points scored. That sounds like an accomplishment to me that belies actual skill. I don't have the box scores but he held his own in High School games against LeBron James and Greg Oden. Check out the boxscore (and when you do send it to me because I spent 20 minutes looking for it online). Can we please give him credit that he might be a good basketball player? Maybe he has skill and he tries? Has anyone ever thought about that? Anyone?....No? Great then...thanks Dickie V for speaking what everyone but me thinks then.
On a side note, I am literally blogging to myself at this point, I need readers.
"Tyler Hansbrough is the only basketball player I have ever seen who tries his hardest on every play and never takes a possession off and that is what makes him so great."
What games is he watching where players are walking up the court playing Guitar Hero and taking bathroom breaks while someone is on the foul line? Maybe he is confusing the NBA with college ball. I don't really know, but what I do know is I watch a lot of college ball and I am pretty, pretty, pretty sure he is not the first basketball player to try his hardest on every play and never take a possession off. I have no proof of this of course, but neither does Dickie V that Hansbrough is the first. It is like he is saying "I am the first person to eat a bucket of ice cream and watch Deal or No Deal while wearing a Speedo." I can't prove it but I can mock it. So it is just a test of wills at this point between me and Dickie V...
Also, enough of the, "he gets the most out of his talent, look at this gritty white person play." Hansbrough is going to be Player of the Year (not a prediction, I just announced it officially, so fuck off nominating/voting committee). Isn't it possible he could just have a lot of skill and what really compliments that skill is how tenacious, annoying he is? Tyler Hansbrough was ranked #10 in his recruiting class and is just about 300 points off the UNC record for points scored. That sounds like an accomplishment to me that belies actual skill. I don't have the box scores but he held his own in High School games against LeBron James and Greg Oden. Check out the boxscore (and when you do send it to me because I spent 20 minutes looking for it online). Can we please give him credit that he might be a good basketball player? Maybe he has skill and he tries? Has anyone ever thought about that? Anyone?....No? Great then...thanks Dickie V for speaking what everyone but me thinks then.
On a side note, I am literally blogging to myself at this point, I need readers.
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