8 comments Fresh Off a Week of Blaming Tom Coughlin for Using a "Safe" Strategy, Gregg Talks About How NFL Coaches Should Stop Playing It Safe

Gregg Easterbrook made his non-triumphant return to writing TMQ, albeit for a different news outlet, last week. I haven't met the person who is really excited that TMQ is back, but maybe I run in company that all think like I do. This week Gregg talks about how moving the extra point back hasn't been the cure-all to get NFL coaches to be more aggressive as some (umm...Peter King) thought that it might. For some reason, the "Times" hasn't updated the picture of Gregg beside his column. This really shouldn't bother me, but it does for some reason. Find a newer picture of Gregg and not one taken when he was in his early-40's. The new, shorter TMQ is a much easier read, but I don't understand why he is explaining his ridiculous nicknames for each NFL team. Those people who have read TMQ at ESPN are probably still reading it and don't need him to explain his ridiculous team nicknames. If Gregg does the explanation for new readers, well there were probably new readers every week at ESPN.com and he didn't explain the ridiculous nicknames on a weekly basis, so why explain them now? Actually, how about just calling each NFL team by it's real nickname? I guess that's not annoying enough.

The N.F.L.’s new try rule — “try” is the correct term, not point-after attempt, which applies only to kicks —

Don't be so pretentious about correcting what the right term would be to use. Pretend for a second you like sports and aren't an academic.

is having the desired effect of making after-touchdown placement attempts no longer automatic. In the 2014 season, there were eight missed extra-point kicks. Already this season, with extra-point attempts snapped from the 15-yard line instead of the 2, there have been nine.

Great success! The NFL can fix anything once they put their mind to it. You know, except for their inconsistent disciplinary policy.

But the flip side of the new rule — encouraging the deuce — has not panned out. This season there have been 15 two-point tries. That’s not the landslide expected by those who backed the rules change, considering an average of seven two-point tries in the first two weeks of the previous 10 seasons.

(ahem, Peter King)

NFL coaches are going to suddenly become less conservative after the extra point was moved back from being a 99% probability of success to a 90%-95% probability of success. That's exactly what will happen.

At work may be the same risk-aversion that causes N.F.L. coaches to order punts on fourth-and-short. A deuce try is essentially fourth-and-goal from the 2

Nooooooooooo, you think Gregg? You don't think the same coaches who punt on fourth-and-short are afraid to try for a two-point conversion, do you? It's not like the two-point conversion was moved up, so coaches still see a guaranteed point as better than trying the two-point conversion. The idea there would be initially be a substantial increase in two-point tries amuses me. That wasn't happening with the current attitude NFL coaches have towards the two-point conversion, so why would it change if the extra point was moved back slightly? 

If the coach sends in the kicker for the singleton attempt, he’s doing the “safe” thing. If the coach orders a deuce try that does not succeed, the coach is criticized.

Gregg believes that coaches make every decision based on avoiding criticism. This is his belief. Unlike Gregg, I can't read the minds of people, so I'm not sure if this is a correct assumption or not. I do believe NFL coaches are too conservative, but also that they see the advantage of kicking the extra point and guaranteeing that his team gets an additional point. The belief is the two-point conversion won't be converted at such a high rate as to justify kicking a two-point conversion rather than an extra point. When Gregg spends time in TMQ pointing out how the Bears couldn't get the ball in the end zone on four tries during Week 1, it doesn't help conservative coaches like John Fox to believe going for the two-point conversion is worth it.

I know they aren't totally analogous situations, but I can't help but laugh at Gregg and how he eviscerated the Giants for going for a touchdown, as opposed to doing the "safe" thing and running the clock out in Week 1 versus the Cowboys. Tom Coughlin didn't do the "safe" thing and was criticized. He essentially tried a two-point conversion to ice the game (except it would have been a touchdown) and Gregg thought this was a terrible decision. Remember this when Gregg talks about how NFL head coaches should go for two more often.

Chip Kelly, case in point. At Oregon, where Kelly was worshiped by the local media, he often went for two. This season, Kelly, who is getting hammered by the Philly sports press, has not ordered a deuce try.

Yeah, but..............

Of course it’s not as if he’s had a lot of touchdowns to work with.

"Here is my criticism of Chip Kelly and I want you to take it seriously, despite the fact I'm about to point out the fallacy of my criticism. The larger point is to ignore that Kelly hasn't had a lot of touchdowns to work with and take my observation from a two game sample seriously and see how it proves my larger point." 

What do the numbers show so far? Eight of 15 on deuce tries, 146 of 155 on extra-point kicks. This suggests 100 two-point attempts would produce 106 points, while 100 extra-point kicks would produce 94 points. That seems a strong case for attempting a deuce.

I mean, it does seem like a strong case for attempting the two-point conversion league-wide when using a sample size of 100 touchdowns. I don't think this information can be viewed in this way though. Each team may have different success rates on the two-point conversion over a sample of 100 touchdowns. It's like saying college basketball teams should never shoot a two-point shot because the average 3-point percentage is 38.6%, while the average 2-point percentage is 47.0%. So if a team only shot 3-pointers for 100 shots then that team will score 116 points, while they would only score 94 points if they only shot two-point shots. These percentages aren't necessarily true for every single college basketball team, and in terms of football, each team won't convert a two-point conversion at a rate of 53%. Like much of the reason a college basketball team might make 38.6% of 3-point shots is because some of these are open shots and teams are selective when taking these shots, an NFL team may try a two-point conversion because they have a two-point conversion play they feel they can run effectively against a certain team's defense.  

Because the N.F.L. is pass-wacky, coaches who do go for two are showing an inclination to throw.

Gregg will provide information below about the percentage of successful two-point conversions when teams pass and when they run the ball. At no point will he provide information on how many times teams attempted to pass and attempted to run the ball on two-point conversions. So who knows if teams are showing an inclination to throw? Gregg never provides information showing this.

Sunday, the Steelers and the Packers went with empty backfields on deuce attempts. Rushing for two might up the odds of success, making the deuce more attractive.

Or it might not. Gregg will see the results of teams running the ball on two-point conversions and then base his opinion on the outcome, like he normally does. 

Scott Kacsmar of Football Outsiders — by a huge margin the best independent football website —

A huge margin. It's a landslide. Football Outsiders is 47.62% better than any other independent football website. Wait, did I use too much specificity for Gregg when rounding to the hundredth decimal?

recently analyzed all N.F.L. two-point tries from 1994 to 2014. He found that 44 percent of passing deuces were successful, while 56 percent of rushing deuces were.

I would be interested to know how many two-point attempts were rushes and how many were passing attempts. I feel like this would be interesting information for me to know in order to decide if the rushing attempts were successful because defenses predominantly are used to facing passing attempts on two-point conversions. 

The numbers show that N.F.L. coaches ought to try for two, and ought to do so by rushing. Instead they are avoiding the deuce, or when they do try for two, are ordering passes. This is National Football League resistance to change in a nutshell.

Yes, the NFL is resisting changing to a running league. For decades, passing has been the law around the NFL, while rushing has been given the short stick. But now, NFL teams need to run the ball more, despite the entire history of the NFL being a passing league and that's how touchdowns have traditionally been scored. 

The Steelers’ try succeeded, putting Pittsburgh ahead, 8-0, and firing up the home crowd. Seeing their coaches go all-in to win, rather than stick with “safe” tactics, seemed to fire up Steelers players, too, setting in motion a runaway victory.

These aggressive tactics fired up the Steelers team and that's why they won the game. The natural question would be why the aggressive tactics that Tom Coughlin showed the week before when trying to score a touchdown rather than running out the clock didn't fire up the Giants, but don't worry about the failure of non-"safe" tactics in helping the Giants lose a game and just focus on when "safe" tactics win games for NFL teams. There's no need to pay attention to when Gregg's contentions don't seem true and he instead criticizes a head coach for not playing it "safe." Do whatever ends up working, that's all Gregg asks for head coaches to do.

Did Bill Belichick Stage the PSIcheated Scandal to Get Brady Fired Up? Last season’s No. 1 pass defense was Seattle, and the No. 3 unit belonged to Buffalo. At the Super Bowl, Tom Brady threw for 328 yards against the best pass defense; Sunday, he torched the third-best pass defense for 466 yards. At times, Brady was toying with the Boastful Bills.

It's almost like Tom Brady is a really good quarterback or something. 

He completed 18 passes for 210 yards and three touchdowns to Rob Gronkowski and Julian Edelman, and it just never seemed to occur to Buffalo that Gronkowski and Edelman were being targeted.

OR, Gronkowski and Edelman are really good football players who find a way to get open when running the offensive plays called by Josh McDaniels, who is most likely calling plays in an effort to get these two players open. Simply because a team knows a certain receiver is being targeted doesn't mean that team can stop that receiver from catching the football. If that were true, then the best wide receivers in the NFL would barely catch any passes. There is a difference in knowing these two players are targeted and actually being able to stop these two players from catching the football. Because Gregg makes everything black and white, I wouldn't expect him to understand this difference. 

At Buffalo, the recent waiver-wire acquisitions Dion Lewis and Scott Chandler combined for nine receptions for 121 yards. Lewis, dubbed a bust by the Eagles, the Browns and the Colts,

Dion Lewis was a 5th round pick. I don't think any team will call a 5th round pick a "bust" by any stretch of the imagination. Gregg consistently fails to understand that some running backs fit the system one team may run better than he fits the system another team may run. The Patriots like pass catching running backs and lost Shane Vereen in free agency. The Eagles had Darren Sproles to catch passes and LeSean McCoy to run the football, so they didn't need Lewis on the team. I can't speak for the Browns and Colts, but maybe the Patriots know how to utilize Lewis better within their system. Either way, not one of those three teams think a 5th round pick is a "bust."

blitz-blocked well and ran two perfect “wheel” routes, the most challenging pass pattern for a tailback.

Yes, this wheel route is the most challenging pass pattern for all tailbacks. Every single one of them believe this. There are no exceptions and don't question this. 

Two undrafted free agents started on the New England offensive line and noticeably outperformed Buffalo’s megabucks defensive line of three Pro Bowlers.

How did the left tackle and right tackle for the Patriots do in this game? You know, the first and second round picks who have a combined cap hit of $12.6 million. Did they do okay during the game or they don't merit a mention since they aren't undrafted players? 

What is Belichick injecting these guys with? I’m guessing grape Ovaltine. But I’m still trying to confirm that story.

This is remarkably unfunny and incoherent. 

Stop Me Before I Blitz Again! Jersey/A leading Atlanta 20-17 with 1:53 remaining, the host Giants big-blitzed, leaving Julio Jones single-covered deep for a 38-yard touchdown reception that gave the visitors the lead.

Yeah, but why would any team double-cover Julio Jones? He's just a highly-paid glory boy who doesn't block in the run game and is singlehandedly to blame for the Falcons not making the playoffs in a given season.

I still love how Gregg considers Jones to be one of the best receivers in the NFL when it was just last year Gregg was discussing how the mega-trade for Jones didn't work out for the Falcons because of the team's record since drafting Jones. Gregg wants his readers to choose to not remember or simply forget about all the things he's written about Julio Jones since 2011. 

Defensive Tackles Cash In, Zone Out. Coming into the season, defensive tackles Ndamukong Suh and Marcell Dareus signed mega-contracts, each with around $60 million guaranteed. Both are celebrating by seeming to take the 2015 season off. Sunday, Suh’s stat line was one tackle, nothing else, as Miami lost to the woeful Jaguars. Sunday, the Bills’ Dareus was totally outplayed by the undrafted New England free-agent rookie David Andrews.

Yes, Suh is paid to get tackles, but that's not really all he does as a defensive tackle. Same thing for Dareus, but I get Gregg's point based on a one game sample size.

In the Dolphins’ opener, the cloak of invisibility was draped over Suh by the Washington rookie Brandon Scherff.

What else would you expect from a highly-paid, glory boy like Brandon Scherff? Though the Redskins are now 1-2, so the Redskins decision to draft Scherff has not paid off with wins. Using Gregg's logic to criticize Julio Jones, this must mean that Scherff was not worth the draft pick.

Sunday, Scherff neutralized Aaron Donald, who has been playing well.

Here is a great example of Gregg Easterbrook lying to his readers and hoping that no one has the energy to look his lie up. Welp, I have the energy and Gregg is a liar. Donald's line from the game:

0.5 sacks and three tackles. Is the really "neutralizing" Aaron Donald? At that rate, he would end the season with 8 sacks and 48 tackles. I'm pretty sure that would make him one of the best DT's in the NFL if those were his statistics over a full season.

N.F.L. received wisdom is that guards should not go high in the first round. Chosen fifth in the 2015 draft, Scherff is the highest-drafted guard since 1975, when Ken Huff was selected third over all.

Facts are so annoying! The Redskins drafted Scherff as a tackle and not a guard. Yes, he is currently playing tackle, but the plan was for Scherff to be a tackle in the NFL. So he can play both positions, but he wasn't drafted as a pure guard. 

All units, all units, be on the lookout for the Seattle Seahawks, who stretching back to last season have lost three straight. Then again, in 2014 the Seahawks opened 3-3 and looked blah: They ended that season one snap away from a Lombardi Trophy.

"Here's the point I want to prove about the Seahawks, they are just not very good, but don't listen to me because they have been not good in the past before and almost won the Super Bowl. Well, do listen to me, but don't listen to the parts I don't want you to pay attention to, which is mostly that you shouldn't be listening to me." 

All units, all units, be on the lookout for an explanation for the Washington defense, currently ranked No. 1.

After two games against the Rams and Dolphins. That was before they gave up 363 yards to the New York Giants. 

Undrafted and in the News. Undrafted Seth Roberts of Division II West Alabama — school of undrafted Malcolm Butler, Super Bowl hero — caught the winning touchdown pass as Oakland upset Baltimore.

Who threw the ball? Oh yeah, highly-paid glory boy second round pick Derek Carr. Nice how Gregg leaves that out.

Bot Meets Barbie. Maybe The Upshot’s 4th Down Bot should ask A.I. Barbie out. Their first-date conversation:

4th Down Bot: How’s your burrito? Hey, can you believe Chip Kelly punted on fourth-and-1 at midfield against the Cowboys?

A.I. Barbie: I love what you’ve done with your grappling hooks! And those new treads really complement your look.

4th Down Bot: People say I’m just a machine. Nobody understands me. You’ve been dealing with “she’s just a doll” for like 50 years. How do you handle it?

A.I. Barbie: I believe in gurl power! Why don’t you use your parents’ credit card to order some genuine Mattel fashion accessories for me?

This is shockingly unfunny. There's no punchline and no point to it. 

Johnny Football Report. Last season, Johnny Manziel started a game for the Browns in which his team had 38 snaps, a season low for the league. (N.F.L. teams average 64 snaps per game.) Sunday, Manziel started and the Browns won, with just 47 snaps. Nearly all of Cleveland’s passing offense came on two plays, completions of 60 and 50 yards. Defenses are choking up to stop Manziel from scrambling, which allows the occasional deep throw. But if Cleveland doesn’t snap the ball more, the Browns won’t go far.

I mean, yes and no. Yes, they won't go far if they don't snap the ball much because their defense is on the field and the offense can't manage to stay on the field. But no, they could go far if the Browns are possessing the football on long drives that lead to points on the board for the offense. 

I’d Rather Be Blue. Boise State is on a 94-4 run when playing at home. This has something to do with its recruiting edge over many opponents — the Broncos just had their way with lower-division Idaho State — and with Boise’s 2,700-foot elevation. But T.M.Q. thinks the blue turf is a factor. 

Yet all N.F.L. turf remains standard-issue. The City of Tampa Buccaneers (see explanation below) could make their ugly new video-game-icon uniforms less visible by playing on Creamsicle orange turf that harks back to the founding of the franchise. The Cleveland Browns could make their new kids-pajamas uniforms less visible by playing on turf that’s Tootsie Roll brown. The 49ers could install black turf as camouflage for their Black-Widow-inspired new unis. Why don’t N.F.L. teams explore the possibilities?

Because the NFL has a strict dress code about players can wear their socks and what celebrations a player can and can not do after a touchdown. Does Gregg really think the NFL will allow the Colts to paint their turf all blue? The NFL had a six month investigation into whether a football was missing air by a few tenths of the regulation PSI, but they are going to let the Saints have a gold field? Get the fuck out of here if this is a real question. 

Ye Gods. The Eagles have 70 yards rushing this season. DeMarco Murray has carried 21 times for 11 yards. At Dallas, Murray played behind the league’s best offensive line. Maybe his Boys stats were a reflection of the blocking.

Maybe a running back's statistics are partly dependent on how well his offensive line blocks for him! This is such an obvious observation I have no doubt that Gregg will have an entire TMQ dedicated to trying to figure out the answers. Yes, maybe the fact the Cowboys have the best offensive line in the NFL does have something to do with DeMarco Murray's great rushing statistics last year. Look for Gregg to explore this idea further in an upcoming TMQ. I have no doubt he will. 

Does Belichick Have Hillary’s Missing Emails? Bill Belichick is so paranoid that the team’s website says UNOFFICIAL DEPTH CHART lest an opponent glean some minute tactical advantage from knowing who’s third string at tight end.

Or he just wants everyone to know the Patriots have no official depth chart and will start certain players (especially running backs) depending on the matchup and which players he perceives will give the Patriots an advantage. I'm not sure Belichick is paranoid about opposing teams knowing the depth chart more than he wants people to be aware the depth chart changes on a weekly basis at times. 

College Punting Follies. Hosting Florida State in a high-profile N.C.A.A. game, Boston College punted on fourth-and-2 at midfield, then punted again on fourth-and-2 at midfield. Just to prove it was no fluke, the Eagles also punted in Florida State territory. With five minutes remaining and the visitors up, 14-0, then Boston College went for it. This demonstrates a pattern in coaching decisions on fourth down. Early in the game, when going for it on fourth down might help a team win — but also would expose the coach to criticism if the conversion attempt fails — coaches do the safe thing and order punts.

Yes, it was a "high-profile" NCAA game. I don't know if I understand what "high-profile" means in this situation, other than Florida State is a highly ranked team, but I don't think even Gregg knows what he's talking about much of the time. 

Adventures in Officiating. In the closing seconds of Texans at Panthers, there was confusing over whether a throwing motion was a pass or fumble; whether if a pass, it was grounding; whether Houston could avoid a 10-second runoff by calling a timeout after the fact; and what the clock should be reset to. Zebras required 6 minutes 15 seconds to figure out the spot, down and time remaining.

The official did go to the review booth I believe, so there seems to have been four separate things that needed to be determined on this play. So it's not shocking that it took over six minutes to figure it out, given the fact the official went to the replay booth and had to determine four separate issues on this play. 

Many big-college football coaches, including Nick Saban, yell four-letter-words at players on the sideline, behaving in abusive ways that would get a college professor suspended. Many college football coaches seem to view themselves as little gods;

Probably because the school treats them like little gods and therefore they end up viewing themselves that way. When the coach is the highest paid person at a university and he gets almost anything he wants, then you can see how he would view himself as a god. 

St. Louis at Washington Note. Since the 2012 RG3 mega-trade, Les Mouflons and the Potomac Drainage Basin Indigenous Persons are a combined 38-61-1, with only one above-.500 season in the six between these two clubs. This suggests the transaction was lose-lose.

This is partly why Gregg wrote last year in TMQ that mega-trades don't work. Except for that mega-trade for Julio Jones, which Gregg doesn't talk about anymore because the ridiculous bullshit he asserts about Jones being responsible for the Falcons record is even now too ridiculous and bullshitty for even Gregg to keep asserting.

Rex Ryan Boast of the Week. Ryan is nothing if not entertaining — his news conferences should have an opening monologue. Before the New England game, he mocked the Steelers for a blown coverage that left Rob Gronkowski uncovered, then assured “we’ll have somebody on him.” When Gronkowski flanked wide left in a goal-to-go situation — usually he flanks wide right — the Buffalo defense was confused. Cornerbacks were gesturing and shouting at one another; Ryan did not call a timeout. 

Maybe Rex Ryan should have called a timeout. That's a possibility. The problem is a team only has so many timeouts per half and coaches really don't like burning these timeouts. There's no way for a head coach to predict that if he doesn't call timeout then the other team will score a touchdown. Maybe I'm being too kind to head coaches, but by the time he sees the confusion then it's possible the offense has snapped the ball or he can't the attention of an official to call timeout. Gregg's suggestion is always just "Call a timeout" when that's not always a reasonable solution that can take place. 

Clearly the Patriots have zero respect for Ryan’s boasting, and hoped to increase the victory margin. Ryan talks a great game, Belichick barely talks at all. Which approach works?

Probably the approach that has Tom Brady as his team's quarterback. That is the approach I would take. 

T.M.Q. Lexicon Note. Tampa is the name of the place where the Buccaneers perform. Tampa Bay is a body of water. Thus to T.M.Q. this franchise is the City of Tampa Bucs. Since Green Bay is the city name, Green Bay Packers is fine.

Congratulations, Packers! Your name is fine and Gregg won't rename you with some stupid nickname that is the Gregg Easterbrook version of Peter King's Adieu Haiku. 

The Washington franchise name is offensive. The Potomac Drainage Basin Indigenous Persons nicely captures the spirit of the team, plus it’s pleasing to see Dan Snyder’s name near the word “drainage.”

I don't know why Gregg insists on giving an origin story for why he calls NFL teams these ridiculous nicknames. I'm just thankful that we missed the TMQ NFL season preview that really isn't a preview because all it does is talk about what happened with these NFL teams last year.

7 comments MMQB Review: Vocabulary Lessons With Peter King Edition

Peter King named the wrong "Goat of the Week" for the third straight week in MMQB. He also detailed how Russell Wilson and the Seahawks pulled off a miracle comeback with the help of the inept Green Bay Packers. Peter was impressed with an airport coffee shop in Detroit (and he was shocked the best airport in the country would be in Detroit...I'm still not sure why this is shocking) where the ladies at the coffee shop took the time to make sure his Highness properly enjoyed his coffee. Peter wishes other coffee shops and service industry workers would take the same time to give personal attention, except for when Peter is waiting in line of course. When Peter is in a long line, he just wants the conversation to stop so he can get his food/coffee/whatever he's ordering. When it's Peter getting the personal attention, he appreciates the customer service. This week's MMQB is "offbeat" according to Peter King. He talks about an officiating comeback story, discusses the Patriots deflating footballs against the Colts, provides an absurd "Fine Fifteen," and condescendingly teaches his readers a new word. Because occasionally Peter lets his elitist attitude toward the idiot "normals" who read MMQB come through just a little bit.

We interrupt the Deflategate hysteria (I do believe that is not an overstatement) to bring you this incredible factoid

It's a fact, not a factoid. Since Peter will be teaching his readers a vocabulary lesson in slightly condescending fashion later in MMQB, I wonder if he needs a lesson in the definition of the world "factoid" himself. A factoid is:  

"A questionable or spurious statement presented as fact, but without supporting evidence." 

The word does have other meanings with the second meaning also indicating a statement isn't factual. The third meaning is the CNN version with means a trivial piece of interesting information. The word mainly means a statement that lacks fact. Peter uses the word a lot in MMQB and I sometimes wonder if he knows the word's main meaning indicates he isn't exactly spitting out facts.

One player out of 106 active Seahawks and Patriots was not healthy enough to practice when the two teams worked out this weekend. That player, starting Seattle right guard J.R. Sweezy (ankle), still is listed as probable for Super Bowl 49, meaning it’s very likely he’ll play in the biggest game of his young life next Sunday. So, barring someone straining an oblique on the golf course Tuesday afternoon, it is surprising to report in the fifth month of a brutal NFL season that the two teams left standing are ridiculously healthy as they begin final preparations for the game.

See!? An 18 game schedule would absolutely work for the NFL because this season the two Super Bowl teams are very healthy. Roger Goodell thinks that he should just go ahead and ram the 18 game schedule through. It's not like any of the teams who didn't make the Super Bowl are injured or injuries may have helped prevent another NFL team from having a shot at the Super Bowl or anything like that. The Colts didn't need Ahmad Bradshaw and I'm sure the loss of B.J. Raji was no big deal to the Packers. Plus, the Cardinals were just as good without Carson Palmer as they were with him. Why is an 18 game schedule a bad idea.

My point is that an 18 game schedule is still stupid and it sometimes happens the teams that are able to stave off major injuries to key players are the teams that are able to advance in the playoffs.

I dare to defer one of the biggest pre-Super Bowl stories in the 48-year history of the game to page two of the column today. Page one belongs to Bill Vinovich, the Super Bowl referee.

I feel like every Super Bowl there is a story that is one of the biggest pre-Super Bowl stories in the history of the Super Bowl. Whether it is whether Terrell Owens will play or not, if the Patriots can have a perfect season, if the Patriots can get revenge on the Giants for ruining their perfect season, or whether the Steelers can win another Super Bowl. If it's not Peyton Manning trying to secure his legacy by winning another Super Bowl or Jon Gruden getting revenge on the Raiders by defeating them in the Super Bowl, there is always a story that is one of the biggest stories in the history of the Super Bowl.

Vinovich went to work out one day near his southern California home, and when he came home, his back was killing him. “It actually felt like somebody stuck two knives in my back,” Vinovich said from California the other day.

Sort of how many NFL teams feel after having their games officiated by NFL officials.

At the hospital, his blood pressure skyrocketed. The CAT scan stunned the doctors: The descending portion of his aorta had torn off. This “aortic dissection” caused this huge blood vessel to tear and blood to pour through the area.
 
“They said it was inoperable,” Vinovich said. “I heard them say, ‘The next 48 hours will tell if he’s gonna make it or not.”

Wow, that sounds pretty severe. So at this point, Peter King will either continue with the story or explain to his readers who he seems to think are morons what "...tell if he's gonna make it or not" means. Because that's a phrase Peter apparently thinks his readers aren't smart enough to understand without him condescending a bit and explaining the phrase. Very lofty of him to do.

They meant, The next 48 hours would determine whether Vinovich would live.

Yes Peter, we understand that's what it means when the phrase "if he's gonna make it or not" is used in front of the words "the next 48 hours." I'm sure that Peter would be shocked to learn his readers aren't complete morons, because he insists on treating them that way. Why would you have to explain what this phrase means? It's obvious.

After 11 days in intensive care and a few weeks of in-home rest, Vinovich felt good, and he sent all his medical records to the NFL so he could be cleared to officiate the season. League physician Dr. Jeffrey Borer, whose job it is to clear officials for duty, not only wouldn’t clear Vinovich for the season. “They said they weren’t going to allow me on the field anymore,” Vinovich said. “Ever.”

This is the part where Peter would explain "ever" meant that the NFL wasn't going to allow Vinovich to officiate another NFL game in his lifetime. 

“How long did it take you to come to grips with that?” I asked.

A few years Peter. Then Vinovich evetually came to grips with it, which is why he isn't an NFL official anymore. Great question.

“Never,’’ he said. “I never gave up.”

Obviously he is still officiating NFL games so Vinovich never gave up. The phrase "if he's gonna make it or not" doesn't seem obvious to Peter, so the fact Vinovich didn't come to terms with the NFL not allowing him on the field, and that's why he is still officiating required further explanation as well.

In 2008, he became a regional supervisor, watching and grading officials. He applied for Pereira’s job when Pereira quit after the 2009 season, but Carl Johnson got it. Imagine if Vinovich got that gig; he probably never would have returned to the field. He decided to continue as a supervisor, but to go back to his other officiating love—college basketball.

Vinovich got four thoracic surgeons to write to the NFL in 2010, saying he was healthy enough to officiate a football game. He took the NFL physical and felt great. Borer still said no. Too risky. “It was like pounding your head against a wall,” Vinovich said. “I’ve got all the information. I just couldn’t get through that wall.”

Peter wants to explain that "couldn't get through that wall" meant that the NFL wouldn't allow Vinovich to officiate a football game again. Also, Peter wants his readers to know that football is a sport, but he isn't talking about what's called football in Europe, which is called soccer in the United States, but Peter is talking about American football that's not soccer. Then I'm sure Peter wants to explain America is the country where he resides as a citizen and is often also called the United States of America. Then Peter would explain to his readers there are 50 states in the United States of America.

Six months later he was back on the basketball court, reffing games on the West Coast. Early in 2012 he re-applied to the NFL, with Elefteriades’ blessing. In May 2012, he opened his email one day to find these words from the NFL: You’re approved for the 2012 season. “I obviously started crying,” Vinovich said. “Very, very emotional.”

Peter would like to explain that Vinovich was emotional in a good way, not in a bad way. The emotions were happy emotions.

Vinovich had Baltimore-New England. In the middle of the third quarter, the bizarre New England formation occurred: Tight end Michael Hoomanawanui lined up at left tackle, eligible. Running back Shane Vereen reported on the field and said clearly to Vinovich: “I’m reporting INeligible. INeligible.” 

“It obviously caught me off guard,” Vinovich said. “I’m not gonna say what the Ravens should or shouldn’t have done. I mean, the easiest thing [for them] to do would have been to call timeout and let them match up.

Peter wants his readers to know that "off guard" means Vinovich wasn't expecting it. Okay, I'm done now.

And yes, the Ravens maybe should have tried to call a timeout, as nearly everyone suggested they do in this situation. It's like a knee-jerk reaction. The Ravens didn't like what they saw, just call a timeout.

Vinovich is aware that some critics—Harbaugh, for one, who thinks the Ravens weren’t given sufficient time to match up; and also Tony Dungy, who felt the same way—didn’t like New England being able to use that play.

I'm sure there is a bucket somewhere that can catch all the tears Saint Tony Dungy was crying over the Patriots using this play in a game when the opposing team wasn't properly prepared.

But he also knows on those three plays, the Ravens had at least seven seconds per play to adjust. So he’s sure he made the right call. “I don’t know how else we could have handled that,” he said. “You’re not going to put the umpire over the ball at that point. We told the Ravens the back was ineligible.”

It was a good move by Belichick and I thought sufficient time was given. What do I know though? I'm not Saint Tony Dungy, image rehabber to football stars.

“Has it hit you that you’re doing the Super Bowl,” I asked, “just three years after you didn’t know if you’d ever be allowed on the field again?”

“No,” he said, “and I don’t think it will until I do the coin toss, honestly. I just want to get that over with, because then it’s just football.”

“No one’s coming to see an official officiate,” Vinovich said. “Trust me.”

Karl Hess is amazed that no one is coming to see an official officiate a game.

I thought the Bill Belichick press conference Saturday afternoon was extraordinary. Clearly, he realized his integrity, and that of his organization, was under fire. He wanted to tell the world there was, in his mind, a rational explanation for the decline in pressure in the footballs during the first half of the AFC Championship Game. He wanted to tell the world stridently that he thought his team and his staff did absolutely nothing wrong. He wanted to tell the world he was proud of his players for continually persevering and becoming the best team in the AFC this season, which the Patriots certainly are. It was passionate and moving and very human.

CAN PETER TELL THAT STORY ABOUT HOW BELICHICK HAD "THE ART OF WAR" IN HIS HOME LIBRARY AND IT REALLY SURPRISED PETER A WHOLE LOT? HE HASN'T TOLD IT IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS!

We still don’t know why New England’s footballs were fine before the game, low at halftime (at least 11, according to Chris Mortensen), inflated to the proper level by the officiating crew, and then fine after the game. So that’s a problem that needs to be addressed. Mike Florio at Pro Football Talk reported Sunday, quoting a league source, that 10 of the New England footballs “may have been closer to one pound below the minimum limit for inflation,” which leads to an important part of the investigation.

(falls asleep reading about the proper inflation of footballs)

A little education this morning, on the parts of this story I think people are missing.

Peter is all about the education in this week's MMQB.

1. The big issue is a six-to-10-minute window of time between when the officials release the ball to the ball boys and the start of the game.

That six- or 10-minute window is key to this investigation. In fact, it’s the biggest key. Did anything untoward happen in that time?

Okay Mr. Football, point to the spot on this doll where the Patriots touched you before the game. Don't be afraid and just show me on the doll where they touched you. No one will be mad at you. Just point.

2. How did the players and teams get such control over the footballs? Why doesn’t the league take control of the football-prep process?

Let’s go back to 2006, to something I wrote just before the start of that season. Tom Brady and Peyton Manning, backed by 20 other starting quarterbacks, petitioned the league to allow each team—rather than just the home team—to condition the footballs it would use on offense each week in the way it saw fit.

“Imagine,” Brady told me at the time, “if Derek Jeter were handed a brand-new glove just before the start of every game. Baseball players break in their gloves until they feel perfect to them. It’s ridiculous to [be forced to] play with new footballs. I can tell you there’ve been nights before road games when I have had trouble sleeping because I’m thinking about what kind of footballs I’ll be throwing the next day.”

I get the Derek Jeter comparison or where Brady wants to go with it, but a glove is a personal item that a baseball player uses, so while I get the comparison, I don't think it's apt. It's like if MLB allowed each pitcher to rough the baseball up as he sees fit, because a football is used by every participant in the sport just like a baseball is used by every participant in the sport of baseball. On the other hand (no pun or glove-related reference intended), a glove is a personal item that is only used by one participant. There's the difference in Brady's comparison of a football used by multiple football players to a glove used by one baseball player.

Brady proposed that the visiting team have access to a certain number of the allotted game balls—the number turned out to be 12—so it could prepare them the way it wanted; those balls would be stamped with the visiting team’s name and kept on the visitors’ sideline for use when that team was on offense. The remainder of the balls would be prepared by the hosts to their liking, 12 kept on the sideline for use on their drives and the other dozen in reserve in case bad weather created the need for additional balls. The competition committee approved the plan the next month, and it’s been that way ever since.

I'm sure it gives those who hate the Patriots and want to see Brady/Belichick executed at halftime of the Super Bowl more ammunition knowing that Brady was part of the push to allow each NFL team to provide their own footballs. It's a decade-long conspiracy! And naturally, Manning's involvement meant he would never over or under-inflate a football so that he could throw it better. He's above that.

3. And about Bill Belichick’s or Tom Brady’s legacy and Hall of Fame status …

Too early. Way too early.

There’s just too much that can happen before then, in all ways. Let’s see where this story ends up.

So Peter is saying that neither Belichick or Brady's legacy and/or Hall of Fame candidacy can be judged prior to either of them being eligible for the Hall of Fame? I refuse to believe this should be the case. Let's make a judgment on their legacy and whether either should be in the Hall of Fame right now. It's much more fun that way.

Requiem for a sportswriter.

Paul Needell died after a long battle with multiple sclerosis Saturday. He was 57.

Peter then has four people eulogize Paul Needell in MMQB. I won't cover much of this because it's hard to be snarky about dead people. Except Joe Paterno. Apparently he's free game.

Roger Goodell, former Jets PR intern, current NFL commissioner. “Frankly, it is difficult to speak about it now.

Because Goodell hasn't seen the videotape of Needell's death. Is he dead? Roger Goodell doesn't know because he's not making a snap-judgment based on someone's word that Needell's heart has stopped beating. Bring the tape, then Goodell will say for sure he will speak about Needell's death.

I was a wide-eyed intern, and he taught me a great deal about the media business—a world to which I was admittedly unaccustomed. Most of all, he taught me about respect.

(Goodell suspends Josh Gordon for drinking beer and smoking pot, then gives a two game suspension to Luke Kuechly for murdering an entire family)

The love of his family over the past few years is the greatest testament to Paul Needell. What a special guy. He will be missed.”

Assuming he is dead of course. Goodell still needs the videotape showing Needell as indeed dead and he'll be locked in his office all day so if the information goes to someone else then he isn't responsible for that person's actions and what they do with this tape. A supervisor can't always be responsible for the actions of his employees, unless that supervisor is an NFL coach or any other NFL-affiliated person that isn't Roger Goodell. Those people are responsible for everything their subordinates do.

This comes from Jim Steeg, who for years ran the Super Bowl and big NFL events:
“Back in the seventies, the Dolphins were going to play the Raiders in Oakland. They practiced at the Oakland Coliseum on Saturday, and in the locker room Larry Csonka found laying there the Raiders’ game plan for the next day’s game. He gave it to [Dolphins offensive line coach] Monte Clark to give to Don Shula, which Monte did.

“The next day the Dolphins got beat by the Raiders. Csonka went to Monte and asked, ‘How did we lose? We had their game plan.’
 
“Monte’s response: ‘I gave it to Don and he threw it in the trash. He said, ‘We do not cheat!’ ”

Sure...I bet Don Shula didn't grab that game plan out of the trash. I bet he's just embarrassed he used the game plan and then the Dolphins didn't win the game.

The Fine Fifteen (Or Two) 

A quick list, seeing that only two teams are still alive and very little has changed in the rankings since last Monday.

If you read my MMQB Review every week, then you would know that I have advocated Peter just stop doing the Fine Fifteen every week during the playoffs because not much has changed on a weekly basis and the rankings serve little purpose since many of the teams won't be playing any more games during the season.

So that's fine that Peter isn't doing the Fine Fifteen this week, but why in the hell is he doing the Fine Fifteen with just two teams? He's going to rank them equal to each other because he hasn't made his Super Bowl pick yet. What's the point of this exercise?

T-1. Seattle (14-4).

I WONDER WHO THEY ARE TIED WITH?

T-1. New England (14-4).

Sometimes I believe Peter has a contest with himself to see what is the most inconsequential item he can include in MMQB.

“I would not say I’m the Mona Lisa Vito of the football world, as she was in the car-expertise area.’’
 
—New England coach Bill Belichick, channeling a memory of “My Cousin Vinny’’ during his rather amazing news conference Saturday, during which he said he wasn’t a great expert on the science of pressure in footballs (the way Marisa Tomei, playing the Ms. Vito character, was in identifying the characteristics of different brands of tires in an Alabama courtroom).

Yes, we get it Peter. If someone didn't get the reference in the original quote then the explanation you gave of "My Cousin Vinny" as the film where the reference comes from would then explain that a character in the movie was an expert on cars. If someone really cares enough to find out who played the character then they could use the Google machine to figure it out. What I'm saying is everything doesn't require an explanation.

“The energy is sort of sucked out of you. You do feel deflated … Awwww, shoot. Oh well.”
 
—Colts quarterback Andrew Luck, describing in a bit of a double-entendre his feelings about the sudden end of the Indianapolis season while being interviewed at the Pro Bowl.

I don't care what anyone says, I think Andrew Luck slipped up intentionally here and then was all "Awww, shucks" after saying it. He meant to do it and you can't convince me otherwise. Well done, Andy Luck, well done. 

“Everybody’s talking about Bill Belichick and Tom Brady. When is Robert Kraft going to come up and explain why, if they are found guilty of this, why do these things keep happening in this organization?’’
 
—Former Carolina GM Marty Hurney, now a talk show host in Charlotte, to Brian Lewis of the New York Post.

While possibly a good point, it's overshadowed by the fact Marty Hurney still wonders if the Patriots taped Panthers practices. It's been a decade, let's try to move on and focus on more important things like Hurney spent $80 million on running backs in a league where the running back is being devalued. I do think Hurney has a point, and not just because I'm one of the last great defenders of Hurney's legacy as the Panthers' GM, but because I would expect another owner to come out and explain why these things happen in his organization. That's probably why Robert Kraft did come out and speak on Monday, while standing by his coach and quarterback.

Ernie Banks, one of the best baseball players of all time, and a man who never had a bad day, died at age 83 Friday night. He was to Chicago what, a generation later, Ripken was to Baltimore and Jeter was to New York, and

what David Eckstein was to Anaheim and St. Louis.

Between 1955 and 1960, my rudimentary knowledge of baseball history would suggest that the four best baseball players were Hank Aaron, Mickey Mantle, Willie Mays and Ernie Banks. (Stan Musial would have belonged on the list in 1955, but not by ’59, when he was 38 years old.) Here’s how the power numbers matched up in those six seasons, which were 154-game seasons:

Player, Pos.	Games	HR	RBI	MVPs	Gold Gloves
Ernie Banks, SS	152.3	41.3	115.5	2	1
Mickey Mantle, OF	148.3	39.3	98.2	2	0
Willie Mays, OF	152.0	35.7	101.8	0	4
Hank Aaron, OF	152.6	34.3	112.3	1	3

Isn’t that a surprise? Prime years for all four players, and Banks with more homers and RBIs than the other three. There’s the Wrigley Field factor, to be sure, but interesting numbers nonetheless.

Isn't it a surprise that Peter's cherry-picked data goes to prove the point that he wanted to prove? Who would have thought that could happen? What a shock.

Mantle was 23-28 years of age during this sample.
Banks was 24-29 years of age during this sample.
Mays was 24-29 years of age during this sample.
Aaron was 20-26 years of age during this sample.

I would argue that neither Mays nor Aaron were in the prime of their careers during the time that Peter has cherry-picked. Both players put up better numbers after 1960 than they did during the time Peter is claiming was the "prime" of their careers. But yes, Banks was a great baseball player, but no, you can't sell me on 1955-1960 being the prime of Mays and Aaron's careers just so you can prove a point you want to prove.

Banks was good late too: At age 39, his 505^th career homer came off Tom Seaver, and his 506^th and 507^th came off Steve Carlton.

Banks was good late in his career. Well, he was good for his age, but from age 32 to the end of his career he was essentially a shortstop who could hit home runs, but didn't get on-base above .320 and couldn't hit above .276. He was still great, but he essentially became a home-running hitting shortstop who was good at fielding as well. It makes him a Hall of Famer obviously, but he definitely peaked during the years Peter cherry-picked and fell off after that.

I love the idea that’s gaining steam in Chicago: The Cubs, as a rightful tribute to Banks, should schedule a single-admission doubleheader once every year. Call it “Let’s Play Two Day.” What do you say, Theo Epstein?

I'm sure Theo Epstein makes scheduling decisions like this for the Cubs.

In Russell Wilson’s three seasons as starting quarterback for Seattle—he has started all 55 regular-season and post-season games since being picked in the third round by the Seahawks in 2012—he and his teammates have played 10 games against quarterbacks who have won at least one Super Bowl. The Seahawks are 10-0 in those games.

I know, I know—give credit to the defense for being so dominant and for holding Peyton Manning to 14 points per game and Brees 11 and Rodgers 17. The Seahawks defense has been terrific in the past three years, leading the league in scoring defense in all three seasons. But Wilson has not been just an innocent bystander here.

Peter knows, Peter knows. Point out a big reason that the Seahawks are 10-0 against quarterbacks who have won at least one Super Bowl as being the Seahawks defense, but don't forget that Russell Wilson is a winner and that should count for something too. Sure, the Seahawks defense has put him in good position against these great teams and didn't make him score 30 points to win, but wouldn't it be cool if that part could be ignored?

One more Wilson morsel that will drive the quarterback-wins-is-a-meaningless-stat crowd to drink: Wilson’s 42 victories in his first three NFL seasons, in regular- and postseason games, is six more than any other quarterback in NFL history.

I'm not of the "QB wins are meaningless" crowd, I'm of the "Let's not get carried away and put Russell Wilson in the same class as other elite quarterbacks because it's completely possible he's just a great quarterback who has won a lot of games" crowd. 

New England’s five Super Bowls in the Belichick-Brady Era have been decided by 3, 3, 3, 3, and 4 points.

It's almost like there is a thin line between winning and losing which is why stating Brady needs another Super Bowl victory to cement his legacy is probably a stupid point of view.

Mr. Starwood Preferred Member Travel Note of the Week

Four hours and 56 minutes. That’s how long the flight was from New York to Phoenix on Sunday morning. That is also how long I had to smell the over-ripe woman in the seat behind me.

Whatever this was, it was five hours of my life I will not remember fondly. Well, I guess I should look on the bright side. It’s an easy, though odoriferous, travel note of the week.

Then realizing he had not talked down to his audience in a few pages, Peter decides that he just used a big word which most of his moronic readers didn't know and can now use at parties. It's his job to use his elitist attitude and well-educated nature to teach his readers big words.

You should look on the bright side too: Now you have a fun word to share with friends, who will be so impressed if you use “odoriferous” instead of simply “stinks.”

Thank you for the vocabulary lesson, Peter. Now that you have used the word "odoriferous" I have learned the word and will impress my friends with this knowledge. Because I, like most of your readers, am not educated enough to already be using that word in a sentence.

Ten Things I Think I Think

3. I think the most stunning bit of news in Rick Gosselin’s always-superb ranking of the 32 NFL special-teams units in the Dallas Morning News was this: Green Bay finished 32^nd, and had one of the worst seasons by a kicking unit in some time. In the NFL this season, 61 kicks or punts were blocked—and seven of them happened to the Packers.

What's stunning to me is that the two teams at 31st and 32nd both made the playoffs. That seems...interesting to me that two teams who are so bad at special teams could make the playoffs. Of course, the team that was 31st was Carolina and they were only better than the rest of the crappy teams in the NFC South, as their losing record showed. So they were more of a playoff team by default.

6. I think by the NFL putting all three London games next season (Weeks 4, 7 and 8) at 9:30 a.m. Eastern Time, we see the league’s reasoning—and for East Coast fans, I do not mind it at all: There is a real chance to create a fourth Sunday window for a game for FOX (once) and CBS (twice).

I love football, but I really worry that opening a fourth timeslot on Sunday for games isn't in the best interests of the NFL. Of course, I also think putting an NFL team in London (without me knowing how exactly this would work) is a bad idea too. So no one probably cares what I think, because money.

And you know what the teams like about it? All six teams—the Dolphins, Jets, Jaguars, Bills, Chiefs and Lions—will be able to return home no later than 4 a.m. local time on Monday, if they so choose. The following week will be a bye week, but the players will be able to be off that week at home if the teams wish, and the coaches will be able to treat the post-London week as if it were a borderline normal post-late-Sunday week entering the bye.

I still don't see how the NFL is going to do games in London on a permanent basis. The logistics of it seems odd to me. If there were a permanent team in London, then every team who plays in London can't go on a bye immediately afterwards playing in London can they?

8. I think it’s just a matter of time before a youth football player crossing the goal line, or a youth basketball player hitting a big shot, or another young athlete doing something great, follows that act with a crotch-grab. Well, they’ll say, I saw my favorite player, Marshawn Lynch do it; I’m following him. Lynch would be so proud, I’m sure.

Peter King is clutching his pearls at the idea of a kid grabbing his crotch like Marshawn Lynch did. Lord have mercy! It's like that scoundrel Randy Moss and how he pretended to moon Lambeau Field after scoring a touchdown a few years ago. What if "the kids" pretended to moon someone after hitting a home run or scoring a touchdown? Good thing Moss is nowhere to be found now and isn't employed as a member of the media. Because that would be embarrassing if there were other examples of professional athletes making gestures that weren't emulated by children and then that athlete ended up working in the same industry as Peter.

9. I think I’ll say one thing to you, Seattle fans, pre-emptively: Don’t tell me I’m a Marshawn Lynch hater.

I'll say one thing to you pre-emptively. It's "preemptively" (oh yeah, the English lesson goes both ways) and if you are talking about Marshawn Lynch still then this point #9 should be up with point #8 and not as it's very own number.

But do not try to defend a man who has something going on in his head that tells him to grab his crotch on national TV after he scores a touchdown. It is demeaning, and you are demeaning yourselves as one of the best groups of fans I’ve encountered in 31 years covering the NFL by defending the indefensible. 

Hey, and if anyone knows anything about defending the defensible then it is Peter King. This is a guy who has been able to defend Roger Goodell in some ways over the past year.

10. I think these are my non-football thoughts of the week:

a. I bow this morning to the six full-time SI photographers laid off the other day, all of whom I’ve worked with, all of whom take such great pride in their work—Al Tielemans, Bill Frakes, John McDonough, Simon Bruty, David E. Klutho and Robert Beck. A sad day for us.

Maybe there would be more money left over at Sports Illustrated if they had not invested a lot of their money in a micro-NFL site and pay well into six figures for Peter King to run said micro-NFL site. There may be more money left to pay for some full-time photographers if SI wasn't sinking funds into a micro-NFL site.

c. Ichiro a Marlin. Now that’ll take some getting used to.

He was a Yankee before that. That was less weird than Ichiro being a Marlin?

g. Just catching up on the last episodes of “The Newsroom” this season, and it’s the best this show has ever been. By far. Olivia Munn hit a few home runs down the stretch,

Okay, one more time.

What Peter means by "hit a few home runs down the stretch" is that Olivia Munn was very good at playing her role towards the end of the series. She was not playing baseball, but it was a phrase Peter used to point out how good Munn was at the end of "The Newsroom." Peter doesn't need his less haughty fans to get confused, so he needs to explain these things to them.

h. Can’t “The Newsroom” come back? Why is it ending?

Perhaps because it was never that good in the first place and Aaron Sorkin knew that?

i. Ernie Banks’s death reminded me of George Costanza in “The Opposite,” when his life goes up and Elaine’s down. George enters the restaurant, sees his pals and in a cocky voice, sing-songs: “Greetings and salutations. It’s a beautiful day for a ballgame! Let’s play two!”

Yes Peter, everything in life can be brought back around to "Seinfeld." Everything.

j. Klay Thompson scored 37 points in a quarter the other night. That’s got to be one of the great sports feats of recent times. Looks like such a happy guy.

Thanks for the helpful input, Peter. It doesn't sound juvenile at all.

Peter saw a puppy on the road yesterday riding a bike. That's a great feat for him to achieve. The puppy looked happy. His tongue was hanging out. Peter likes puppies.

Good to see different teams winning in the NBA.

It's good see different types of dogs out in public. Peter likes it when he sees different dogs on the street.

k. Thursday: Celtics win by one, 90-89, at Portland. Friday: Celtics win by one, 100-99, at Denver. I know nothing about the NBA, but with all the draft picks they have in the next couple of years, maybe the Danny Ainge/Brad Stevens Celtics are on the right road.

It's Peter's typical, "I know nothing about the topic I will opine on, but here's a conclusion I have reached based on my limited knowledge about this subject and I expect it to be taken somewhat seriously because it's an opinion coming from me" mention in MMQB.

r. Love Phoenix in the winter. I just wish they wouldn’t have sent the Coyotes away this week. Would have loved to have stolen a night with the pucks with Rick Gosselin.

What do you say, Theo Epstein? Is there a way you can get the NHL to build the Coyotes' schedule around the times that Peter will be visiting Phoenix? In fact, make it a doubleheader.

The Adieu Haiku

Welcome to Phoenix!  
And a week of Deflategate.
Really hate that name.

If you hate that name then don't use it. Peter used "deflategate" two other times in this MMQB. Peter has some control over the coverage of the Patriots deflating footballs and what his writers for THE MMQB refer to it as. Sometimes Peter acts like he has no choice about which stories to cover and how to cover them. 

11 comments MMQB Review: How Wrong Were "We" About the Patriots? Edition

Peter King stated that the Steelers organization was "alive" in last week's MMQB. Apparently he thinks that corporations are people. He also was excited that J.J. Watt stood up to the tyranny of a selfie and wondered why "we" don't give team builders like Ron Wolf and Bill Polian the respect they deserve by electing them into the Hall of Fame. Peter seems to be under the impression he is among millions of football fans who have a vote for the football Hall of Fame. This week Peter thinks the NFL was SO intriguing because of all the super-interesting storylines (it's just like a soap opera!), opens up a contest to see which feature of MMQB Peter should add so that he can talk less and less about the past week's NFL action (by the year 2020, there will be a brief paragraph about the NFL games, followed by six pages of beer and coffee ratings, quotes from every NFL head coach, Peter's 18 Tweets of the Week, and an entire page of Peter's own personal thoughts), and calls Brandon Weeden a "Goat of the Week" for playing like Brandon Weeden. 

Here it is, after 1 a.m. Monday on the East Coast, and I can’t quite decide how to write the column this week.

I would use a computer, tablet or some other electronic device so that you can upload MMQB when it is finished.

What’s the lead story of Week 9? Feels like there are six or seven of them.

Help!

How precocious of Peter? Wait, no. What's the opposite of precocious? What's the word for when a person is supposed to do his fucking job and he won't do and instead solicits his readers to do his job for him? Someone help me think of the word I'm trying to use to criticize Peter!

I wonder if Peter would answer me if I emailed him and wrote, "Help! I'm too fucking lazy to do my job! Get your butt down here to North Carolina and help make my job easier by doing it for me!"

Let me talk my way through them, and maybe by thinking out loud and writing things down, I can figure this darn thing out.

Or you could just edit this entire portion out and not have a top story since you have written other MMQB's that didn't feature a top story. I guess that wouldn't seem so anti-precocious and annoying.

“Ben’s having the time of his life playing football right now,” said one of Roethlisberger’s best friends, longtime agent Ryan Tollner. It shows. Having more weapons than just Antonio Brown is the big key for Roethlisberger.

BREAKING: An NFL quarterback is succeeding because he has more offensive weapons to work with, and combined with his own excellent skill, he is having a great year. Who knew having good offensive players would help a quarterback succeed? Not Peter King, that's who. Also, why didn't "we" think of Ben Roethlisberger as a quarterback up there in talent with Brady, Brees, and Manning? Boy, "we" dropped the ball there.

Patriots 43, Broncos 21. Bill Belichick is so far inside Peyton Manning’s head that he’s built a condo in there. Gronk is back, and if he stays upright, there’s no reason why the Patriots can’t win that elusive fourth Big One. And the supporting cast, the one that wasn’t good enough a month ago, continues to add significant pieces for pennies on the dollar.

It's almost like all the reactionary "What's wrong with New England" columns were just that, reactionary. But where is the fun in thinking logically and not overreacting to what happened in the NFL during the previous week?

The Cards have beaten the six-win Eagles and six-win Cowboys back to back. Last week it was a third-round rookie, receiver John Brown, who made the big play to beat Philly. This week: A bunch of defensive no-names held Dallas running back DeMarco Murray under 100 yards for the first time all season, and the Cards scored four touchdowns in a row in The House That Jerry Built.

Well, it certainly helped that Brandon Weeden was the quarterback for the Cowboys. His passing ability didn't exactly scare the Cardinals into focusing on stopping the Cowboys' passing game.

Gut Punch Loss of the Day: San Francisco can’t get the ball into the end zone for the win on three tries from inside the two-yard line in the final minutes, and Colin Kaepernick fumbles on a quarterback sneak on the third play. Rams middle linebacker James Laurinaitis recovers. St. Louis 13, San Francisco 10.

Wait, so you mean Jeff Fisher won a game against a good team and this will help remove the focus from the absolute turd the Rams threw up the week before? What a shock that Fisher is coaching a bi-polar team that has talent. Give him just a few more years. He'll turn it around into a playoff appearance and get credit for doing so. I feel bad for Rams fans.

There they are, the stories of the day. And maybe one more: Is this finally the year, the first year ever, that a home team hosts the Super Bowl? Bruce Arians has told his Cardinals, “Don’t let anyone dress in your lockers.” Translation: We’re hosting the Super Bowl. Let’s actually play in it too.

Thanks for translating this for us, Peter. I know your fucktard readers couldn't understand what Arians was saying and needed someone with good breedin' and knowledge like you to tell us what this sentence exactly meant. 

How fascinating would it be if New England’s next (and for Bill Belichick and Tom Brady, last?) shot at a Super Bowl came in a matchup against the Cardinals? First time back in Glendale since the Tyree Velcro catch ruined the Patriots’ 19-0 dream. Arians versus Belichick; Kangol versus hoody. Todd Bowles taking a shot at stopping Tom Brady.

It would be undeniably riveting for this to happen. Personally, I preferred the Carolina Panthers to play the New England Patriots (or any AFC team) in the Super Bowl, but Peter has just convinced me otherwise. Fuck my favorite NFL team, I want the Super Bowl to contain easily-written narratives with trumped up storylines that can be run into the ground after two days during my two week wait to watch the Super Bowl be played. Why should my preference for the Panthers to be in the Super Bowl matter when there is a Super Bowl matchup that could make it easier for Peter to do his job just waiting to happen?

I’ve made my call: I’ll tell the stories in the order I’ve listed them, and keep you Philly fans waiting one more night.

You could have made the decision and then edited out all of this teeth-gnashing bullshit. Of course, that's not the Peter King Way.

Remember when the Steelers were a meat-and-potatoes team? Franco and Bettis won the Super Bowls here. They were born to run.

Ah yes, the myth of Jerome Bettis continues even after his retirement. He didn't win a Super Bowl. He did average 30.7 rushing yards per game for 12 games as the Steelers made their way to winning a Super Bowl over the Seattle Seahawks, but he didn't run the Steelers to a Super Bowl. In fact, if it weren't for blind luck of Ben Roethlisberger's hand, Bettis would have fumbled the Steelers' chances of winning a Super Bowl away. Of course, Bettis did bump his season averages for a hefty total of 14 carries for 43 whole yards in the Super Bowl, so maybe that's what Peter is referring to. Either way, that's still not very impressive.

There are three points to be made here. One: After a couple of really patchwork seasons for the offensive line in front of him, Roethlisberger likes the nucleus of the line—all are between 24 and 28, and thus should form a solid wall for the near term—and the five starters are playing well.

It's almost like investing in the offensive line can pay off. Shhh...don't tell anyone else.

Two: Look at the value GM Kevin Colbert has found at the receiver position. Four of the six touchdowns Sunday came from wideouts—Martavis Bryant (two) and Markus Wheaton and Antonio Bryant (one each). Bryant has played three NFL games now and scored five touchdowns.

So the Steelers also tried to find good players later in the draft, as opposed to wasting these picks on players whose names sound really cool?

Roethlisberger also has a couple of veteran catchers, Lance Moore and Darrius Heyward-Bey, who rotate in. But Brown, Wheaton and Bryant are 26, 23 and 22, respectively, and could be a dangerous threesome for the rest of the 32-year-old Roethlisberger’s days.

I'm not sure if Peter King is under the impression that Ben Roethlisberger is going to die in a couple of years, he thinks NFL players die immediately after retiring, or he is phrasing this sentence poorly, but I doubt Brown, Wheaton and Bryant will be a dangerous threesome for the next 40-50 years.

Three: Roethlisberger seems to have put his wild days behind him. 

Ah yes, I remember about my wild days when women would accuse me of sexual assault every once in a while. I'm glad those days are behind me now, but man, I was just acting wild out there. I can tell from the language he uses here, Peter knows what I'm talking about. 

He’s married with two children now. “Life has more meaning for him now,” Tollner said. “He has a different motivation than just football. He’s happy to be married and to be a dad. You go over to his house and it’s filled with baby toys and a real family focus. I think that helps him in football.”

The key to playing quarterback at a high level in the NFL? Baby toys, of course.

Now, Akeem Ayers, Jonathan Casillas and Tim Wright were not major players in this defining win for New England. If you took them off the field Sunday in Foxboro, New England still would have beaten Denver handily, I’m sure. But those three contributed bit parts, and this is the way Bill Belichick builds a team. The active roster, one through 53, has players whose roles will rise and fall through the course of the season.

I know the Patriots are a good team and have been a very good team for a long time. Belichick clearly knows what he is doing. But a lot of NFL teams are built with the intention of having a deep roster and ineffectiveness, injuries and just personnel changes will cause there to be players whose roles rise and fall through the course of the season. That's just how it goes. It just so happens Belichick finds players who fit a role or excel in a certain role for the Patriots. He isn't inventing a new way of building a roster and it's not like other NFL teams don't have players whose roles will rise and fall throughout the season. That's the intention, but Belichick and the Patriots seem to do it better.

Ayers, in his second game after coming from Tennessee in a trade, actually made a big play in the game, the only sack of Peyton Manning.

Oh, he "actually" made a big play in the game? It wasn't a joke played by someone that Ayers made a big play?

Along with the use of the word "literally" in non-literal fashion, I think the use of the word "actually" when it's not necessary is becoming one of my old man pet peeves.

(Person A) "Where did you go on vacation this year?"

(Person B) "We actually went to the beach."

Using the word "actually" when there is no use for it in a sentence annoys me. (shakes fist at a cloud)

Again: This has only a little to do with a 22-point victory over Denver. And Belichick could find some other way to fill his roster with complementary football players. But I would argue that the Patriots traded a guard who was in decline and likely has one to three years left, and acquired a starting linebacker, an important tight end because of their heavy tight-end usage normally, a contributor on special teams and a high fourth-round pick next year … and swapped spots twice late on day three. It’s just a smart way to build a deep team.

These are all very good trades. Of course, once (if) the Patriots offensive line struggles again the questions of "Why did the Patriots trade Mankins?" will rise. It's like a reflex.

And again, every NFL team wants to make smart trades and the Titans and Buccaneers traded players they had no use for in exchange for better draft picks.

The Miami coach has been through the wringer. A year ago he was worrying more about the Richie Incognito-Jonathan Martin affair, which nearly swept him out of his job, than about football. He wasn’t off to such a hot start this year either, with Aaron Rodgers’ last-minute fake-spike pass setting up the touchdown that dropped Miami to 2-3 in Week 6.

That happened three weeks ago. Peter is acting like Rodgers' fake spike happened back in early September by stating the Dolphins weren't off to a "hot start." I don't know, I'm probably arguing semantics here, but this fake spike only happened three weeks ago.

We’ll find out how legit Miami is over the next three weeks. The Dolphins are at Detroit Sunday, home to Buffalo, then at Denver. If they come out of that 2-1, they’ll be serious Wild Card contenders.

No, they'll "actually" be serious Wild Card contenders.

The 49ers had no business losing that game.

(Peter looks disapproving over his glasses at the 49ers for losing this game, then shakes his head)

They had the ball, first-and-goal at the Rams two-yard line, with 42 seconds and one timeout left. San Francisco trailed 13-10. The Niners had three shots for the win, and a chip-shot field goal to force overtime if they couldn’t punch it in. Or four shots, if Jim Harbaugh was feeling lucky.

First down: Short pass to the right to Michael Crabtree, close to the goal line. Marked down at the one.

Gregg Easterbrook is going to be pissed that Colin Kaepernick tried to throw the football to his best wide receiver when the game was on the line. Gregg would implore the 49ers to do something no one would expect rather than try to get the ball to their best wide receiver.

Third down: Heavy formation. Kaepernick under center. He took the snap, fumbled it in his hands, grabbed for it and started moving forward. Fullback Bruce Miller bear-hugged him and pushed the quarterback forward. But the replays showed Kaepernick, in mid-scrum, losing the handle totally and the ball falling to the turf, just over the goal line.

(Marvin Demoff whispers in Peter's ear to get some quotes from a Rams player for MMQB regarding how the 49ers didn't use a smart strategy. Just point out the play-calling for the 49ers wasn't good and let a Rams player say that.)

“I was shocked to see it there, of course,’’ said Laurinaitis. “The whole play was surprising. The play before, they go play-action and don’t give it to Gore. Then on the last play, they don’t give to Gore either. But I could sense when they got on the ball they were probably going to sneak it. You could just tell in their mannerisms, their body language, the formation.

See, Jeff Fisher had his team so prepared that they knew what the play would be before it was even run. Now THAT is how an NFL coach prepares his team for a game.

“As soon as I saw the ball on the ground, I just grabbed and tried to spin around right away to show the umpire. Like, ‘Ball’s loose! I got it! I got it! Our ball! Our ball!’ They looked at me and ruled it was our ball, which obviously was the right call.

Well I mean, obviously. Though replays didn't really show anything obvious, it was just really obvious that the Rams had the ball and should have kept possession.

On replay, it was impossible to tell when Kaepernick last had any sort of possession.

(Marvin Demoff smacks Peter in the back of the head and tells him to never contradict James Laurinaitis.)

But once it was ruled a fumble on the field, it was impossible to overturn because there were no views of the play that showed Kaepernick with possession past the plane of the goal line.

(Marvin Demoff pats Peter on the back)

One final point about the Rams here: They had eight sacks after having but five in the first seven games. The breakout came in part because of changeups that defensive coordinator Gregg Williams threw at San Francisco. “We spied them,” said Laurinaitis, “and we had a couple of sacks from blitzes. We blitzed from the left a lot [opposite Robert Quinn’s side]. And we won the one-on-one matchups a lot. There’s no magic potion sometimes—you just have to win the battle with the guys across from you.”

This is a reminder that the Rams are a talented football team. It would be nice if they showed it every week, but Fisher has always had Harbaugh's number for some reason.

New ideas at The MMQB

Help Peter King think of new ideas, because as you can see, he's been tapped out for a while now. He has to add more content that takes away from the original purpose of MMQB. That purpose at one point was a weekly NFL column that wrapped up the weekend's NFL action and gave insider information. Now MMQB is a chance for Peter to talk about his life, what he likes and doesn't like, anything else he may find interesting, and he will mention a few NFL-related items when he has time.

Having an argument with a buddy, or some loser on Twitter? Let Greg Bedard, our resident Wet Blanket of Reason (a well-earned title, trust us, from his Boston Globe days) be the objective tiebreaker in “Settle This.” What we’re looking for are current arguments, not all-time discussions, to broker. Who has been better in 2014, Aqib Talib or Darrelle Revis? Want to know why one player is playing over another on your favorite team? Why did they call that play on third-and-four? Who was to blame for that busted coverage that cost you the game? Those are types of questions we want. If Greg can’t figure it, he’ll ask someone in the know who can. Send your dilemmas/puzzlers/arguments-that-need-to-be-solved to talkback@themmqb.com, with “Settle This” atop your query.

Or you could just not get in an argument with some loser on Twitter or realize after almost a week has gone by that neither party may care too much about the answer anymore.

New idea 2: We at The MMQB love Thanksgiving football. In particular, we love high school football on Thanksgiving. And we want to publicize the best Thanksgiving Day high school games in the country.

More filler! Who says "no" to more filler in MMQB? Definitely not Peter King.

New idea 3: We will pick one Thanksgiving Day game to cover. And we’ll write it up big for the day after the game. Now that’s going to be fun.

It's going to be a fucking blast. Because I know the one thing I believe is that the Dallas Cowboys don't get enough coverage by the media, so certainly an increased focus on a game played during a day when the Cowboys always play is something I can't help but think will be a happy helping of fun.

This has zero to do with football, but it’s compelling.

Peter is right about both of these things. It is a compelling story about a "St. Louis Dispatch" Cardinals' beat writer covering Oscar Taveras' funeral. It's a good story and worth a read. It also doesn't deal with the NFL. The noteworthy part of this section of MMQB is that Peter writes,

Derrick Goold, the 39-year-old Cardinals beat man for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, and Chris Lee, a photographer for the Post-Dispatch, landed in the Dominican Republic on Tuesday at 1:15 p.m. Dominican time. (For the purposes of this story, I will use Dominican time throughout—which is Eastern Time.)

So just use Eastern Time. It's easier for your readers to understand and as long as they know Dominican time is the same as Eastern Standard Time there will be no confusion. This is just an example of Peter trying to be "cultural" and because the story takes place in the Dominican Republic he's trying to be haughty and use Dominican time.
 
The Fine Fifteen

2. Arizona (7-1). Fantastic orchestration on both sides of the ball,

"Very symphonic" is how Peter would describe the Cardinals' play this year.

with defensive coordinator Todd Bowles dialing up an iron curtain to hold DeMarco Murray under 100 yards for the first time all season, and coach Bruce Arians calling the shots on 21 unanswered points for the offense.

And for the sake of honesty, let's give the Cardinals credit, but also realize without their starting quarterback and a good running game then the Dallas defense (a defense that had been on the field for fewer plays than any other NFL defense) isn't going to be able to win games for the Cowboys. So give the Cardinals credit, but also realize they beat a team that had a one-dimensional offense, which led to the defense being exposed more.

Think Cardinals D knew a run up the middle was coming? pic.twitter.com/DYmK922ZD2
— Michael David Smith (@MichaelDavSmith) November 2, 2014

That's what Murray was trying to run against.

5. Green Bay (5-3). Really liked this piece for The MMQB by A.J. Hawk, on what a player does in his bye week.

Peter likes an article that appeared on the web site he founded. There's a shock and recommendation you can believe is entirely truthful and without any ulterior motives.

6. Indianapolis (5-3). America, get to know T.Y. Hilton. What Harrison and Wayne were to Peyton Manning, Hilton will be to Andrew Luck.

America knows him. Stop acting like your readers are uninformed morons and you must talk down to them in order to educate them on the things they should know, but don't.

11. Seattle (5-3). You should know by now that nothing in 2014 will be easy for Seattle. Nothing. Not even finishing off the 0-8 Raiders at home, with a Seabass onside kick almost lost in the last two minutes.

When were things easy for the Seahawks last season? They aren't built to blow teams out, even if they do sometimes blow teams out. Last season the Seahawks won games (including the playoffs) by seven points or less 10 times. That's out of 19 games. This doesn't include the game they won by 8 points. The Seahawks didn't win games easily last year.

Special Teams Player of the Week
 
Jason Witten, tight end, Dallas. On the last play of the first half of Arizona-Dallas, the Cards blocked a field goal, and speedy Patrick Peterson picked up the loose ball and sprinted for the end zone. Running from across the field to cut down the angle was Witten, who, in case you don’t actually watch football, is not as fast as Peterson.

This is the sort of "talking down" that Peter tends to do in MMQB. Why would someone who reads MMQB every week not watch football? I get that Peter is using sarcasm, but he doesn't even go with the assumption that those who read MMQB already know Peterson is faster than Witten. He chose to go with the readers of MMQB not holding this knowledge and being sarcastic from there. It's like it's in Peter's nature to be haughty.

Witten’s stop was tough not just because of Peterson’s speed, but also because of Peterson’s elusiveness.

Now this is analysis. It's Peterson's speed AND his elusiveness that makes him so hard to catch? Somebody should have him return punts. I bet he'd be great at it.

Goats of the Week

Colin Kaepernick, quarterback, San Francisco. You cannot fumble the game-deciding quarterback sneak. You simply cannot.

Colin Kaepernick seems to think he didn't fumble the game-deciding quarterback sneak and that he crossed the goal line. 

Brandon Weeden, quarterback, Dallas. His numbers in the 28-17 loss to Arizona were not necessarily goat-worthy (18 of 33, 183 yards, one TD, two picks), but you never had the feeling watching the game that Dallas had a prayer.

Come on, it's Brandon Weeden. He is what he is. Why call him a "goat" for playing like Brandon Weeden plays? It's unfair. To call him a "goat" would be to indicate that he could come out and potentially play well against a very good Arizona Cardinals defense.

Weeden could never get anything going, and from the looks of his chemistry with his receivers—or lack thereof—he doesn’t seem to be held in the highest regard by the men he’s throwing to.

Dez Bryant doesn't hold very many people in high regard. Weeden wasn't a great starter in Cleveland. What makes anyone think that he could come in and play well as a backup against the Cardinals defense running a new offense for him where there is pressure on him to succeed?

“THINK!”

—Dallas wide receiver Dez Bryant, on the sidelines of the Cowboys’ loss Sunday, to quarterback Brandon Weeden.

Does Dez Bryant mean Weeden should do what Bryant obviously wasn't doing when yelling at his quarterback on the sidelines during a nationally televised game?

And as he does on a yearly basis, Peter marvels at how often Peyton Manning and Tom Brady meet in either the regular season or the postseason.

One other note: 2015 would seem to be NBC’s year to get Brady-Manning XVII, assuming it’s played. The league, since 2009, has alternated their meetings between NBC’s Sunday night package (2009, 2011 and 2013) and CBS’ Sunday afternoon package (2010, 2012, 2014). NBC flexed out of the game in 2011 because Manning was injured and didn’t play that season.

This is for those people who are very concerned about knowing which network carried the Brady-Manning games (not the Patriots-Colts/Broncos games, because obviously these games entail only two quarterbacks playing each other and not two teams playing each other led by these two quarterbacks) since 2009. So I'm guessing there may be five people interested in this type of information. I enjoy watching the Brady-Manning games, but the infatuation sportswriters like Peter King have with these games makes me laugh to myself a lot.

Mr. Starwood Preferred Travel Note of the Week

No travel note per se today, but an invitation:

Oh good, there is no travel note "in itself." I was worried there was just no travel note.

There were 9 rookie receivers w/ at least 75 receiving yards last week, most in single week in NFL history. All drafted in 1st 118 picks.
— Gil Brandt (@Gil_Brandt) October 29, 2014

But undrafted players...Gregg Easterbrook weeps.

I'm just kidding, Gregg Easterbrook won't weep. He'll just ignore the success of the receivers drafted early in the NFL Draft and focus only on guys like Allen Hurns.

Ten Things I Think I Think

1. I think this is what I liked about Week 9:

a. Vikings power-back Matt Asiata, who’s a Bettis-like goal-line sniffer when he gets close to scoring.

Except Matt Asiata isn't going to get in the Hall of Fame based upon his ability to score touchdowns, be friendly with the media, and play for a team that was largely successful during his career.

b. Austin Davis continues to show he belongs, and not just as roster filler.

See, Jeff Fisher knew what he was doing by putting all of his eggs into Sam Bradford's basket and then signing Shaun Hill to be the backup quarterback. He was just motivating Austin Davis so he would be ready to play once Bradford went down with an injury. It's all part of the plan. Just give it time.

As does Kenny Britt, who caught a second-quarter touchdown from Davis against the Niners.

Kenny Britt was a first round pick and is 26 years old. He better show he belongs as something more then roster filler. I think it's to be expected that Britt would be more than just a guy in the receiver rotation.

e. Mark Ingram, workhorse back. Thirty carries, 100 yards, two touchdowns in the 28-10 win over Carolina. Where has this Mark Ingram been?

Yes, where has the Mark Ingram that averages 3.3 yards per carry been? He's averaged over 4 yards per carry every season in his career, but Peter wants that Mark Ingram who can get the ball 350 times per year and have just over 1,100 yards rushing. That's VERY impressive to Peter.

n. Larry Fitzgerald with the onside-kick catch. The man is versatile.

Who knew Larry Fitzgerald, a man who makes a living catching footballs with his hands, could be so good at catching a football with his hands?

q. Oakland’s effort.

That Tony Sparano, he deserves another shot at being an NFL head coach. Keep pumping up those Bill Parcells guys!

2. I think this is what I didn’t like about Week 9:

g. Five drops for Arizona receivers in the first 35 minutes.

Imagine how many drops they would have if they had Brandon Weeden throwing them the football.

i. Blake Bortles makes too many dumb throws. He’s full of potential, obviously, but he’s got to think about the dangerous throws he makes.

But the preseason...he played well...Jacksonville should have started him...they started Chad Henne instead. Maybe the Jaguars knew what they were doing by not having Bortles play during his rookie season?

j. Cannot believe Colin Kaepernick fumbled the quarterback sneak. That’s the difference between being in the pennant race in the West and being out of it.

Okay, simmer the hell down. Kaepernick should have not fumbled the snap, but he also seems to think he got across the goal line. If the call had been that he did get across the goal line then I'm not sure the call would have been overturned.

3. I think it’s not time to get Derek Anderson warmed up in the bullpen or anything, but is anyone in Carolina alarmed that Cam Newton has completed 48 percent of his throws in the last three weeks?

I don't know Peter, you are a fucking NFL reporter, perhaps this would be a good time to find out if anyone in Carolina is alarmed. I think people in Carolina are more alarmed that four undrafted free agents are protecting Cam, including two rookie undrafted free agents and a right tackle who was a defensive tackle two years ago. Cam has been horrible the past few weeks, but this just happened to coincide with his protection sucking and his wide receivers still being Jerricho Cotchery, Jason Avant, and two rookies. So yeah, I would say there is concern, but it's your job to find out the answer to this questions. I guess that's too much work. After all, Peter isn't in the "information accumulation business" at all. He's in the "ask readers of MMQB questions he could find out and report on, but instead he relays his latest running time on the treadmill and which pumpkin beer he has tried recently" business.

Not to toot my own horn, but I called the offensive line "a disaster" in my 2014 NFL preview post and that was before three of the starters got injured. A lack of protection isn't a new issue. To say Newton's performance has fallen off is true. He trusts no one around him and his play has decline accordingly.

Until now, Newton hasn’t had a three-game stretch in his 3.5-year career in which he’s been a sub-50-percent passer.

And until now, he had not had four undrafted free agents protecting him. He's been bad, but it's very lazy to not look at the entirety of the situation. That's how Peter King is though. He simplifies his takes because it's way too much effort to take time to investigate answers to his questions. This is how Brandon Weeden gets called "a goat" for playing like Brandon Weeden. This is also how criticism of Tom Brady sways one way or another depending on how his offensive line is playing.

4. I think this is the one observation we’ll all be making later this week, after everyone who was present for the June 16 Ray Rice discipline hearing in Roger Goodell’s office is interviewed by the appeals officer in the case: Why on God’s green earth aren’t disciplinary hearings taped—or at least why isn’t a stenographer present to take precise transcripts?

There's no use in taping it, Roger Goodell will just claim he never saw the tape and therefore can't say for sure what he testified to. 

6. I think we can pretty safely say this morning that the Philip Rivers for MVP campaign has gone pffffffffft. It’s over.

This is also an example of where Peter isn't looking at the entirety of the situation. So if Philip Rivers' MVP campaign is over, does that mean his playing outstanding during the last half of the season wouldn't push him right back in the MVP race? Of course not, but Peter is just making a knee-jerk reaction.

9. I think Tony Romo plays in London against the Jaguars on Sunday, and if he doesn’t—either because he aggravates his back or it tightens up on the nine-hour flight to London—I think the Jags win the game.

If Tony Romo is so important to the Cowboys team, doesn't this mean he should be the MVP? If the Cowboys are 6-2 with Romo as the starter, but can't beat one of the worst teams in the NFL without him, then I would say that's a pretty good case for MVP.

10. I think these are my non-football thoughts of the week:

d. RIP Thomas Menino, five-term mayor of Boston. No one loved his city more.

e. Stats I love about Menino: The Boston Globe polled Bostonians late in his term and asked if they approved of the job Menino was doing; 74 percent said yes. Seventy-four percent approval! Who gets that? Big Papi wouldn’t get 74 percent approval in Boston!

Yes, he would Peter.

And how about this, also from late in his tenure: Some 65 percent of Boston residents said they had personally met the mayor. That’s not some little hamlet. That’s a big-league city.

Congratulations on the compliment, city of Boston. Peter King considers you to be a big-league city. You should, and undoubtedly do, feel honored.

f. He, did, however, lead America in malaprops. He said “Varitek” kicked an “ionic” field goal—the one Adam Vinatieri made in the snow in the playoff win over the Raiders. And he said in 2012 during a Patriots playoff run: “I mean Brady has those wide receivers out there, the uh, you know Grabowski, Hernandez, uh, Wes Weckler, I mean he has them all.” I think that just made people love him more.

It sounds like Menino didn't know the sports teams he was trying so hard to reference very well. I'm guessing Peter doesn't know the definition of "malaprop," because it doesn't mean "a phrase where facts are humorously gotten wrong." Now "ionic" is a malaprop, but not knowing who the Patriots kicker is and getting the names of the Patriots receivers wrong are not. That's just simply getting facts wrong. 

h. You know what really stood out to me in Game 7?

That Madison Bumgarner was pitching well and you had no idea who he was prior to the World Series beginning? But now, he's the Jon Lester of the San Francisco Giants!

o. World Series Game 7 rating in New York on Wednesday night: 14.

p. Brooklyn Nets season-opener rating in New York on Wednesday night: 0.45.

THE NBA IS DYING! QUICK, SOMEONE WRITE THIS COLUMN ABOUT HOW THE NBA IS DYING!

r. Coffeenerdness: Starbucks is about to offer home delivery? Bedard’s right: I will never leave my apartment again.

The citizens of New York City who are tired of Peter King staring at them and then criticizing them for the way they act in public want to know if this is a promise Peter is willing to keep.

s. Beernerdness: The Troegs “Master of Pumpkin” is one of the most interesting pumpkin beers I’ve encountered. The spices are rampant,

Rampant, I tell you! Those spices are everywhere!

as is the sweetness, and the pumpkin flavor is just shy of overwhelming.

Just shy, so the pumpkin flavor is "whelming" to Peter.

For my money, it is the third-most interesting pumpkin beer I have had, behind Southern Tier Pumking (my favorite, by a mile) and Saranac Pumpkin Ale.

Or if Peter King referred to beers in the way he referred to Derek Jeter, the "Master of Pumpkin" is the third-best pumpkin beer of Peter's lifetime.

It’s interesting how much time and energy and cost is put into pumpkin beers these days. Don’t get me wrong; I’m glad about it. I just can’t try them all and stay functioning.

Says the guy who drinks multiple lattes in a day.

v. I was proud of that until Caroline Wozniacki, who had never made more than a 13-mile run in her life, ran the 26.2-mile New York City Marathon in 3 hours and 26 minutes, That’s a 7:53-minute-per-mile pace. That, Caroline Wozniacki, is just awesome.

It's almost like being a world-class tennis player has kept her in good shape or something.

x. Hard to figure out why college football teams don’t devote more time and more effort in recruiting prospects to kick field goals. Kicking in college football is amateur-hour run amok.

Peter should totally tell a CNNSI college football writer his opinion here and maybe he can cause change at the NCAA level. Some teams do recruit prospects to kick field goals.

The Adieu Haiku
Way back in the day,
the Pats were dead and buried.
Five long weeks ago.

Not all of "us" buried them, though I am sure Peter would say that "we" buried the Patriots too soon. After all, whatever the media thinks is what NFL fans think too.