You may remember a few weeks ago when Rick Telander wrote that he thought Jay Cutler should be more like Tim Tebow. Because, you know, Cutler is "an effective quarterback" and all of that. Well, it turns out that Jay Cutler has shown up to Bears training camp with big muscles and smiling in a picture. In a not-so-shocking twist of events, this isn't good enough for Rick Telander. It never is. That's the secret behind columns written with the premise of something like, "Coach X needs to address the media about Controversy Y." What the sports media really means is they want Coach X to have a press conference under the guise of "clearing things up around the controversy" when it's really just an excuse for the sports media to use their bully pulpit to ask the coach questions and continue to pass their judgment on in the form of a column. The guise is that opinions could change if the coach just speaks to the controversy publicly, much like Chip Kelly "should" speak to the accusations of racism, but those opinions aren't going to change. It's just an excuse to bait the coach into creating a media feeding frenzy.
When Rick Telander wrote "Jay Cutler should be like Tim Tebow" what he really meant was "Cutler needs to work harder and be nicer, but that's still not going to change my perception of him. But hey, he could try and that would allow me to churn a column or two out on the topic." It's the game the New York media played with A-Rod. "A-Rod should speak to his suspension and apologize at a press conference!" Why? So you have an exciting press conference to cover? Otherwise, there is no point.
So here is Rick not fooled by the "new" Cutler that he requested Jay become.
So we have a new Bears head coach
A head coach that Rick became increasingly depressed about the Bears hiring.
and a new offensive coordinator and a
new and wonderful wide receiver (Kevin White, whom no one has seen
actually practice).
Oh no! No one has seen Kevin White practice and it seems the whole "Is Odell Beckham a huge bust?" idiocy from last year has been forgotten by Rick Telander. Being injured doesn't necessarily mean anything. That's my point.
So naturally we have a new quarterback.
(Rick Telander) "Jay Cutler needs to change who he is to be more like Tim Tebow."
(Rick Telander) "Jay Cutler has changed himself. I'll mock him for doing this now. Check out all this sarcasm I'm using, it's just like the sarcasm the kids use!"
Hello, Jay Cutler!
Jay had a bad year last year and he's trying to turn himself around. Let's mock him for it.
So how is the 32-year old quarterback, now in his 10th NFL season,
seventh with Bears, with his fifth offensive coordinator in seven years,
abruptly new?
I like how Rick uses the word "abruptly" here. Rick wants Jay Cutler to change, Cutler appears to change and Rick is all like, "Whoa! Hey buddy, slow down with these abrupt changes. At least change at a slower rate so we can all keep up."
Why, he looks rugged and jacked,
Rugged and jacked like Tim Tebow!
and he hasn’t thrown an interception in practice,
I'm not a Cutler defender necessarily, but the fact he hasn't thrown an interception in practice is anecdotal evidence that Bears fans can somewhat be happy that the offense Adam Gase has installed is going to work for Cutler. I know it's fun to be sarcastic, but rather than have sarcasm about the situation, perhaps be cautiously optimistic.
and he has been kissing reporters on both cheeks after cheery and informative interviews that he wishes would never end.
What is Cutler, Italian or something?
OK, the last item isn’t true.
YOU GOT ME, RICK! I TOTALLY JUST FELL FOR THAT!
As usual, because Jay Cutler isn't friendly with the media then the coverage of him will reflect that. As someone who would be horrible at the media game if he were a professional athlete, I don't understand why Cutler is judged on his attitude towards the media while also acknowledging this has an impact on the coverage of Cutler by the Bears media.
But the glowing reviews of his on-field demeanor and “rebirth’’ as a
field general who suddenly “gets it’’ are true. At least they have been
bandied about like a volleyball over a backyard net.
More sarcasm. Telander wants Cutler to change, he seems to change in the short-term and Rick is all sarcastic about it. I know I'm sarcastic about a lot of stuff on this blog, but Rick specifically wrote a column requesting that Cutler change and Cutler seems to have tried to do that. Maybe it won't last. That's entirely possible. The secret is that Rick doesn't want Cutler to change who he is, Rick just wants to be able to bash Cutler for NOT being able to become a field general who "gets it." Rick wants to write about how Cutler needs to change, not actually have it happen.
There’s a new photo of Cutler on Pro Football Reference.com that has him
smiling like a teenaged girl who has just won free pedicures for life.
Happy is the man with knowledge overflowing!
(Rick Telander) "Jay Cutler still doesn't smile nor is he nice to the media."
(Rick Telander) "Here is a picture of Jay Cutler smiling like a teenaged girl. I'm going to make fun of him for smiling like I have requested he do in the past."
Sure, John Fox may have called Cutler “Jake’’
back in January, but that was before he got to know the refreshed and
refreshing QB who likely will never create a turnover again.
Keep moving those goalposts, Rick. Nobody said Jay won't create a turnover again. That's not a realistic expectation.
Also, calling Jay Cutler "Jake" is an easy thing to do, and not just because John Fox would rather his team not even have a quarterback so he could run the Wildcat or single-wing offense all game, but because "Jay" and "Cutler" can be run together to form "Jake" by not pausing between the two words. So the fact Fox called Cutler "Jake" doesn't mean a hell of a lot.
I don't just argue semantics, I murder semantics to death with my own nit-picking.
One is reminded of what former teammate/philosopher Brandon Marshall said of Cutler awhile back: “He’s the real deal.’’
And now, apparently, he’s so real, he’s chromed.
It almost sounds like Rick Telander doesn't believe it. Could that be true?
Me, I don’t believe it.
Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? You don't believe it? I couldn't tell.
I think Cutty is Cutty. A six is a six, not a 10. The spots are permanent, just like on your couch.
So when writing an article that says, "Jay Cutler needs to be more like Tim Tebow" you were essentially writing an article advocating for Jay Cutler to do something you had absolutely no doubt he wasn't capable of doing? So what's the point of writing the column then? You know Cutler can't ever be the "effective quarterback" that Tebow is, so outside of giving yourself a good reason to get pageviews by putting "Tebow" in the title of a column while bashing Jay Cutler, why write the column advocating for Cutler to change who he is?
We’ve heard this all before, haven’t we?
Maybe, but you are the one who seems to genuinely believe Tim Tebow is now an effective quarterback. You are the one who now believes Tebow doesn't have the world's worst throwing motion, a claim from Tebow's quarterback mentors that we had heard all before as well. Maybe one day Jay Cutler will be more like Tim Tebow, though that's clearly not really what Rick Telander wants.
Showing posts with label sniffing asses. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sniffing asses. Show all posts
Monday, August 31, 2015
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
14 comments MMQB Review: In a Non-Shocking Revelation It Turns Out Peter King Really Liked Interviewing Brett Favre
Peter King interviewed Tom Brady in last week's MMQB, but wanted us to know that we would learn nothing specific from this interview. Peter also marveled at food trucks, explained that Roger Goodell usually waits for the legal system to run it's course before punishing a player/NFL management figure except for the times when he doesn't wait for the legal system to run it's course, and said he thinks we are too hard on people who speak their mind candidly, unless these people are saying something Peter disagrees with in which case I'm sure Peter will wish that person would stop talking. This week Peter talks about improving locker room culture, wants us to know HR doesn't mean Home Runs but means Human Resources, discusses his 25 year anniversary with Sports Illustrated, transcribes graduation speeches (at least he's not transcribing the conversations of total strangers like he tends to do), and of course gets two more shots at Josh Freeman in.
A varied day in the world of Monday Morning Quarterback:
It's not one of those boring football-only days in MMQB. It's a varied day where Peter talks about himself, annoying traveling notes, and some more things about Peter and his thoughts. It's very varied.
In the wake of Tampa Bay owner Malcolm Glazer’s death, thoughts on his colorblind impact on the game, and on the creeping ageism of NFL ownership.
BREAKING NEWS: People who can afford to own an NFL team are usually older rather than younger!
The disastrous Sean Lee injury for Dallas.
Every other NFL team could afford to lose their best linebacker for the year due to an injury, but not the Cowboys. Their best linebacker is more important than other team's best linebacker because ESPN loves talking about them too much.
The week’s my 25-year anniversary at Sports Illustrated. I reflect on my Johnny Cash interaction at the beginning, Steve Young vomiting perilously close to my shoes in the middle, and me being an ogre of a boss at the end. (Groaning, you skip the 25th anniversary section.)
While Peter's career at Sports Illustrated has certainly been long and impressive (especially to himself), I have heard the story of Steve Young vomiting close to Peter's shoes so many times. The story has been told so many times in one way or another by Peter there's not much else to reflect on at this point.
Players, get ready for a lot of HR talk in the next three weeks.
Not home runs. Human Resources.
How stupid does Peter think his readers are? I think most of his readers know that "HR" stands for "Human Resources." Sure, why would it make sense for NFL players to be talking about Human Resources? Probably for the same reason it would make sense for NFL players to be talking about home runs. I don't know if Peter is trying to be cutesy, but people know what HR stands for and there's no need to write "HR," and then clarify what this stands for, rather than just writing "Human Resources." It's like Peter wants desperately to come off as smarter or like he's educating his readers on every topic he discusses.
The NFL’s executive vice president and chief human resources officer, Robert Gulliver, leads a three-man NFL team into Flowery Branch, Ga., today to meet with all players, coaches and selected executives (owner Arthur Blank will be on hand) to discuss how to improve locker-room culture.
Not Flowery Branch, like the branch of a tree that has flowers on it. Flowery Branch is a city in Georgia. Peter also wants his readers to know Arthur Branch won't actually be on someone's hand during this meeting, but "on hand" means he will be present in the room during the meeting...but not on someone's hand and most likely in a chair.
Today, the Atlanta presentation will be about an hour long, and former Falcon defensive end Kerney—now the league’s vice president of player benefits—and Darius, the former Jaguar, will be there to help Gulliver drive home the point about respecting the guy next to you in the locker room.
And we all know a lecture about being nice to others will probably have a huge effect on grown athletes who play a violent sport where the intent is to hit the opposing player as hard as possible so he falls to the ground.
What can be accomplished in an hour? It’s a logical and skeptical question. “It’s to start the dialogue, to provoke conversation,” said Kerney. “As players, we need to understand we’re all going to be out of there soon and into the real world. If we continuing some of the behavior of the past, we’re enclosing ourselves in the bubble even further.”
In a bubble. But Peter wants us to know that no one is really going to be in a real bubble like the bubble boy from "Seinfeld," but this is a phrase that's often used. Peter wants to be very clear so he doesn't confuse his readers.
Will it work? Can it work? I think the most important element here is the acceptance by coaches and the team leaders—especially the team leaders...Kerney’s message is correct: This abusive and raunch boys-club-gone-wild atmosphere bubble doesn’t exist in the real world. Just because it’s been the tradition is many NFL locker rooms, why does it have to continue?
Because professional athletics are not the real world, athletes are used to staying in the bubble of playing sports and there's no better way to understand how the real world outside of the NFL works than having to live a life outside of the NFL and most of these NFL players won't get a chance to do this until they retire. Anyone who has been to a college where there are athletics knows that even the shittiest of athletes exists in the bubble of playing sports in some way or another. Obviously every athlete isn't like this for the entirety of his/her life, but NFL players are professional athletes who are used to being the absolute best at their sport and the abusive, teasing atmosphere in locker rooms is just part of professional sports. It doesn't have to be, but it's going to be hard to take players out of the athletic bubble while still keeping them in the bubble of athletics. That's why.
Again, not every athlete is this way, but it's a difficult culture. I've seen members of a shitty Division-I basketball school throw a punch because he and his friend lost at beer pong and couldn't stand having shit talked to him about it. The team won 5-6 games during the year, so he had to be used to losing, but he couldn't stand to be teased about losing at a stupid drinking game. I had a Division-II football player tell a girl I knew that she is coming home with him that night right in front of her boyfriend. When he came to get her at the end of the night, she did not and he was displeased. This isn't abusive locker room culture, but it's an example of a different mindset at times for some athletes. As we've seen in the case of the Dolphins last season, all it takes is 2-3 players and a team gets bad reputation or there starts locker room problems because of "boys-club-gone-wild." To change this completely would be to essentially change part of the mindset of some athletes starting as early as middle school and I'm not sure that can happen.
I got a bit nostalgic on Friday when I told my crew at The MMQB—we were gathered in New York City for our microsite’s offseason seminar—that Sunday was the 25th anniversary of Sports Illustrated managing editor Mark Mulvoy offering me a job and saying, “I want you to cover the NFL your way.”
Which Peter took to mean, "In a couple of decades I want you to be writing a long football-related column that is often only 50% related directly to football despite the fact there is a seeming 24 hour news cycle of football news. You need to start writing about yourself and what you do and don't like."
It's natural for Peter to talk about himself in a weekly column, but just 10-15 years ago MMQB was 2 pages at the most and now it has bloated into a 5-6 page column where half of it involves quotes of the week, Tweets of the week, a travel note, a fact Peter finds interesting, a stat Peter finds interesting, and usually an interview or discussion of something only sort of related to the NFL. This is before the entire last page of MMQB is dedicated to Peter's own personal thoughts that may or may not be about the NFL. I write about it every week and it gives me more material to write about, so that's a positive.
Either I should get lost, and go where the dinosaurs go. Or I should, as many athletes say, stay till they kick me out of the game.
I’ve opted for the second choice, at least for now. Twenty-five years, 25 memories:
Only 25 memories. But don't worry, we get a page of things that Peter thinks he thinks as well.
First assignment: June 1989. The NFL’s trying to birth a minor league, the World League of American Football, and I’m sent on the road for three days with the new exec of the league, banished Cowboys czar Tex Schramm, as he private-jetted from Jacksonville to Orlando to Birmingham to Charlotte to Nashville scouting for American franchises for an uninvented league. Highlight: I’m sent down the stairs of the plane first when we get to Nashville, and at the bottom of the stairs is the Man in Black, with his right hand out to shake. “Hiyah, welcome tah Nashville. Ahm Johnny Cash,” said Johnny Cash.
Peter loves writing EXACTLY how he perceives other people sound when talking to him, as if they are the ones who talk funny and it isn't Peter whose accent or lack thereof is the one who talks funny. If you are a person who meets Peter, be sure to talk with no accent or he will quote you by writing down exactly how he thinks you sound when speaking.
3. I loved the openness, the bawdiness, the intelligence of Jimmy Johnson. In training camp in 1990 we dined one night and he told me what a living hell the 1-15 season was, and he detailed all the crap that went on all season. At one point Johnson realized how much he was saying and his glare bore a hole through me. “Peter,” he said. “If you f— me on this story, I will squash you like a squirrel in the road.”
Peter swore from that point on he would never fuck someone on a story. Ever.
7. The media … what a difference a generation makes. I traveled in the early ’90s with a large notebook, a few pens and a small computer that most often stayed at the hotel. I’d take notes at a game, do interviews post-game, and go back to the hotel and write my piece for the magazine. When that was done, so was I for the week. The End. Now: I use a smart phone, a tablet and a laptop, daily. I phone, I tweet, I skype, I research the ’net. I do talk shows. I do video chats. The other day I did something called a Google+ hangout with Brandin Cooks and A.J. McCarron.
I like how Peter "researches the 'net." Does he do research on the Internet or is he actually doing research while surfing the Internet? I prefer to picture Peter doing research ON the Internet and typing searches like, "When did Al Gore invent the Internet" and "This Internet thing, tell me more about it, no, tell me everything about it."
Back in the day you prayed something you found out on a Friday would hold until it got to peoples’ mailboxes six days later. Now that thing you found out will probably be on the internet in six minutes by someone else if you don’t rush to get it up first.
Back in the day, Peter didn't have to hear all this negative feedback about what he writes and he, like other sportswriters, could bask in the glow of receiving awards from their friends and colleagues while fully knowing that their shit don't stink. It's not that way anymore to his dismay. Then there are guys like Bill Simmons who partly made his name bullying and criticizing sportswriters using the Internet, but now he thinks there is just a meanness on the Internet by those who criticize sportswriters.
9. In 1995, Mike Holmgren, the Green Bay head coach, let me spend a week inside the Packers. That was fun.
It's when Peter first met his football soulmate Brett Favre. What a bunch of tender and loving days those were.
Brett Favre farted in quarterback meetings a lot.
It's great to know. Amazingly Favre's farts smelled exactly like what a child playing the game of football smells like.
What a memory he had. He’d be looking up at the ceiling, seemingly not paying attention, and QB coach Steve Mariucci would say, “Brett, what are you looking for with this protection?” Favre would just spit out, “Strongside ’back. C’mon Mooch. Gimme something tough.”
Favre had a great memory or it could just be that he was really paying attention even though it didn't look like it. That wouldn't be a fun story to tell though.
11. Maddest a coach ever got? One time Bill Parcells told me we were through—he was coaching the Jets, and thought I told another writer something out of bounds—and that lasted about six or eight months. Now we talk a lot. I guess Bill Belichick got mad after some of my coverage of Spygate in 2007. I’m not sure, though. He hasn’t talked to me since.
Peter must think that if he links every possible NFL Draft prospect who doesn't have an exact position to the Patriots and state that they will figure out how to use that player then Belichick will forgive him. Either that or Peter is trying to get back in Belichick's good graces by becoming super-besties with Scott Pioli.
Then Peter recounts the story of Steve Young almost throwing up on his shoes after the Super Bowl victory over the Chargers. It's a good story, but not the first or even fifth time I have heard it.
18. I’ve covered a lot of fun games, but for some reasons I’ll remember the game New England won to set the record for consecutive NFL wins (19) in 2004, because that story contained my favorite SI line.
HERE'S MY FAVORITE THING I'VE EVER WRITTEN!
(The list of good lines is a very short one, believe me.)
You are being so modest about it that it's tough not to believe you. I mean, you are spending part of MMQB recounting your 25 years at Sports Illustrated. It's all very modest.
You guys know how I feel about having a separate column for a lot of the stuff Peters puts into MMQB. It goes for his 25 years of remembrances as well. Peter has his own web site now. I think there is a good "remembrance" column he could write for that site.
In a quiet moment in the locker room after New England beat Miami to earn the record, I got Belichick about as celebratory as you’ll hear him. And I wrote, “ ‘It’s great to be in the history books,’ said the man who has read them all.”
This is the perfect Peter King line because it has just the right degree of loftiness about a topic (history) in it with the right amount of the admiring tone that I find Peter has for his subjects at times.
19. Best interview: Brett Favre edges Peyton Manning, Richard Sherman, John Randle and Jimmy Johnson.
Not a shock. Peter has probably talked to or interviewed Favre about as much as Randle, Sherman and Johnson combined.
I’ll never forget what Favre told me about his post-football life. This was in 2000. I asked him where he’d be and what he’d do in retirement. “I’ll be down in Hattiesburg [Miss.]. You’ll never find me. You know the ‘Where are they now?’ segments on ‘Inside the NFL?’ They’ll do one on me, but they’ll have to get Robert Stack, like on ‘Unsolved Mysteries.’ I’ll disappear.”
Oh yeah, and Favre has definitely disappeared. I guess it's all relative. Most people who "disappear" go out of the spotlight completely, but for Favre "disappearing" means he sticks his head up to remind the world that he does indeed exist. Fortunately he is using his webcam to talk about football and not show everyone pictures of his penis, as he has been prone to do in the past.
Who knows what he's up to now? It's not like anyone has reported on what Favre is doing these days. His idea of disappearing isn't quite mine. Also notice in one of those columns that Favre won't commit to coaching next year. It seems he enjoys the attention of people wondering about his future no matter what he does.
"Who knows if I'll do it next year," said Favre, who is in his second year coaching at the high school. "I really don't know. It's been a lot of fun. I enjoy it. It's easy and it's not too time-consuming."
I imagine Favre's wife, Deanna (and I know her name, which pisses me off), wakes up on a Saturday and spends the first two hours of the day trying to get Favre to commit to whether he will be mowing the grass next week or pay someone to do it.
"It's too early in the week to say what I will do. I enjoy it but I'm also getting to the point I have other interests outside of mowing grass for two hours during the week. I really don't know what I'm going to do or not. I'm just focused on breakfast right now. The time is going to come soon when I stop mowing the grass though. Be sure to ask me every single weekend until I decide I won't ever mow my own grass again."
I can never get him on the phone anymore. He’s disappeared, except to coach the offense for the local high school football team.
Again, my definition of "disappeared" isn't necessarily the same as Peter's definition. Favre certainly poked his head up around draft time this year and has done so in the past as well. I'm sure Peter is hurt he can't get Favre on the phone. More importantly, why is Peter trying to call a retired NFL quarterback? Does he often call Troy Aikman or Joe Montana? I just don't know why he would be calling Favre, other than to just speak with him, which totally proves Peter is obsessed with Favre.
21. Smartest professional decision I made in these 25 years: listening to Steve Robinson, the first editor of the magazine’s website, in 1997 when he asked me to empty out my notebook on Monday morning with whatever I wasn’t writing for the magazine that week. That’s how “Monday Morning Quarterback” was birthed.
It started that way and has turned into the behemoth that it currently is which now doesn't have a lot to do with whatever Peter wasn't writing for the magazine that week any more than it has to do with Peter's thoughts during the week.
The Glazers have hired five coaches. Dungy turned the franchise from sad-sack losers to annual contenders. Gruden finished the job. Raheem Morris largely failed, lasting three years. Greg Schiano didn’t have a long-enough chance (two years), but he failed too.
You like how Peter points out how his boy Greg Schiano didn't have a long-enough chance with the Bucs, but Schiano had only one more year than Raheem Morris (who had no experience as a head coach) and his career winning percentage with the Buccaneers is worse than that of Morris? At least Morris had one winning season. But yeah, Schiano just needed more time.
NFL ownership is aging. Four teams in the last eight months have had a transition in ownership with the death of principal owners.
The youngest owner who passed away was 85 years old. These aren't exactly spring chickens running around. So the lesson is that older owners die.
Of course, in many of the places where owners are aging, teams have strong family plans in place. Dean Spanos is a well-respected presence at league meetings for the Chargers, as is Art Rooney II for Pittsburgh, Katie Blackburn (Mike Brown’s daughter) for the Bengals, Michael Bidwill for the Cards, Jonathan Kraft for the Patriots and Stephen Jones for Dallas.
I'm just happy there is no ownership succession plan in place for my favorite team. It makes me feel very confident. 77 year old owners with a history of a heart condition generally make it to age 100 though, right?
Arthur Blank is very bullish on expanding the NFL’s borders.
My Q&A with the Atlanta owner:
The MMQB: What’s the short- and long-term future of the NFL in Europe?
Blank: The games in London, I think are a tribute to the NFL, a tribute to the fans there, the quality of the game—and I think that it’s proved conclusive that fans will come out when they see the real players playing games that are really meaningful, as opposed to NFL Europe...The approach that the international committee and the commissioner have taken is, ‘Let’s do London right, and then move from there to potentially somewhere else.’
I can't imagine how there would be logistical problems with NFL teams playing football games across the ocean in Europe and then having to come back to the United States to play the very next week. Or would every team that has to play in Europe get a bye the week after?
I’m sure there are wonderful cities in Europe, and elsewhere.
There are wonderful cities in every country, but that doesn't mean every wonderful city in every country needs an NFL team.
The MMQB: Is it more likely there would be a franchise in London or that there would be six to eight games a season?
Blank: I think it will lead to [a team]. I think it will start with an increased number of games. That will be translated into a very successful series of games, and eventually, I think a franchise. And maybe more than one.
Oh, goodie. I can't see how this idea would fail at all. I'm not against the NFL expanding overseas, but I'm afraid of the NFL trying to hard to expand their product they end up diluting the product. For example, I don't know how many more NFL teams there needs to be. 32 teams is a lot of teams and there are only so many good quarterbacks to go around.
Then Peter re-prints commencement addresses given by some athletes, celebrities, politicians and I generally skip over those.
“I call Twitter the microphone for morons.”
—Denver GM John Elway, at a NFL event, the career development symposium, Saturday at Penn’s Wharton School of Business in Philadelphia.
I call losing more Super Bowls than you win a little disappointing for a Hall of Fame quarterback.
I don't really, I like to get chippy when people bash Twitter. Plus it's not like Elway (@johnelway is his Twitter handle) is too good for Twitter. He just bashes the technology he uses, that's all.
“It is completely unacceptable that Daryl has once again put us in this position. We all know what the consequences are and will deal with them.”
—Arizona GM Steve Keim, in an unusually strongly worded statement condemning linebacker Daryl Washington, one of his best players, for being suspended for the 2014 season. Washington said he tested positive for marijuana.
Wow, that is strongly worded. Washington did know the consequences of marijuana use and he should pay the price. If only he could find a way to convince the Cardinals he has "a problem," then hit up rehab for a month, be a wealthy owner and writers like Peter King would feel bad for him.
“It’s a war. It’s on. I have no respect for him no more … You can’t be acting like a little girl out there … a little b—-.”
—Red Sox DH David Ortiz, on Tampa Bay pitcher David Price, after Ortiz was hit in the back by the first Price pitch he saw in 2014, the first time they faced each other this season, on Friday at Fenway Park.
Cool baseball drama.
I'm sure if A-Rod or a Rays player said this about a Red Sox player then Peter would feel like it is "cool baseball drama." It's cool drama until Peter decides he doesn't like the messenger.
So if there were nine taunting fouls in 2012, and if 43 such fouls could have been called in 2013, imagine what happens when officials are ultra-sensitive to make such calls in 2014. Either players will get see the quick trigger fingers the refs have and cut it out early this year, or there will be an epidemic of taunting calls this fall.
Mike Mitchell would have gotten called for 43 taunting calls all by himself, followed by him getting beaten for a touchdown.
Roger Goodell takes a trip every year to Silicon Valley to meet and talk to innovators in the technology, TV, social media and academic set. On one of his first such trips, he met with Steve Jobs, the Apple boss, who had one word of advice for Goodell: “Wifi.”
When you hear owners and club presidents and league officials say they’re intent on enabling all fans able to use their smart phones inside all NFL stadiums, you can trace that advice to Jobs.
Or I could trace that to the fact airplanes, restaurants, Starbucks, hotels and every other place where consumers will choose to go have wifi and eventually NFL stadiums were going to get wifi. Steve Jobs died over three years ago and all NFL stadiums don't have wifi yet, so clearly Goodell listened to the advice not-so intently or wasn't in a hurry to get wifi in every NFL stadium.
Mr. Starwood Preferred Member Travel Note of the Week
I have heard of flight delays and I have heard of emergency landings, but what happened on a US Airways flight from Los Angeles to Philadelphia last Wednesday sets an American aviation record for incredulity. Lucky for all of us, Chris Law, a 30-year-old NFL Network producer—he handles Rich Eisen’s podcast and produces programming about fantasy football, the draft and the combine—was in row 10 of the plane and was an eyewitness, and nasal witness, to airline history.
Yes, thank God he was there or else I wouldn't get the chance to read about someone complaining regarding how frustrating it is to travel. There is no where else I can go to hear complaining, so it's just a stroke of luck that Chris Law was on this flight.
“I fly US Airways all the time,’’ Law said over the weekend from Virginia, where he was attending a bachelor party. “I have status with them.
I wouldn't have been so sarcastic in the last paragraph if I had known this story was being told by someone who had status. RISE UP PEOPLE! CHRIS LAW HAS STATUS WITH US AIRWAYS AND THEY DID THIS TO HIM! IMAGINE WHAT CAN HAPPEN TO PEOPLE WITHOUT STATUS! ARM YOURSELVES IMMEDIATELY!
Before we board, I see this lady with a full-grown dog. I have never seen a full-size dog on a plane in coach. This dog had a service tag on it, and the lady looked healthy, fine. But whatever. I get on the plane, everyone boards, the lady and her dog go in back.
This story is long, but the dog starts shitting everywhere and the shit stinks. The plane has to land and Hazmat has to come on the plane to take care of the issue.
(Speaking of which, and I know I will regret putting this idea out there, but I feel like this is the plot of a movie. Terrorists plan to get on a plane and want to avoid going through the detectors, so they have a dog crap all over a plane, Hazmat comes in, but it's actually the terrorists, and take over the plane on the runway and shenanigans en sue ...I'm just saying this is a terrible, terrible idea but it came to me and I have no doubt Bruce Willis would be in this movie somehow)
Now back to Chris Law: “So we land. We stay on the plane. Hazmat is actually five guys in orange vests.
I'm pretty sure they wouldn't suit up completely to face the impending crisis of dog shit on a plane.
“But when we were in Kansas City, she and the dog got off. It was clear this dog was ‘serving’ no purpose. The woman was walking fine. The dog had its own seat. So when she got off, it was like a walk of shame. Her and the dog walked off. People were clapping when she got off the plane, maybe 10 or 15 people clapping. Some people were pretty pissed off. Two people missed their cruise to Greece. People missed their connections. A lady sitting near me was getting honored by a charity that she runs in Hartford that night, and had to make a speech there, but she never made it.
Is that normal? She runs a charity and is being honored by that charity. So she is being honored by...herself? I don't know, really. It seems odd to me to run a charity and then be honored by the charity you run. Maybe it was for longevity of service or something.
I will never, ever, ever complain about anything related to travel for the rest of my life.
At least until next week.
Peter would have absolutely had a shit-fit if this happened on a flight he was on. Peter would have eviscerated this woman in MMQB and then demanded the airlines personally apologize to him.
That sounds exactly like something Bill Simmons would Tweet. I wonder which person stole this manner of speaking from the other? It has all the identifiers of something Bill Simmons would say or Tweet. Very weird.
Ten Things I Think I Think
1. I think the most meaningless, dumb story of this offseason is the constant, unending, logic-defying debate over who is the Jets’ starting quarterback, and that anything done before the battle is joined once training camp is a tangible factor in who will win the job—Geno Smith or Michael Vick.
Peter then takes up #1 and #2 "things he thinks" in talking about the Jets quarterback situation. Yeah Peter, I sure do wish some people would stop discussing this meaningless, dumb story. If only more people would follow your lead in not discussing it by discussing it.
Speaking of dumb, meaningless stories...Peter hasn't bashed Josh Freeman in a month, so here goes:
3. I think there’s an incredible story out there, waiting to be written about Josh Freeman. It could be called: “How to ruin your football career in just 18 months.” In the span of the past year and a half, Freeman:
Threw for 4,065 yards at age 24 in 2012, appearing to be one of the best young quarterbacks in football for a young Tampa Bay team.
Had his work ethic questioned in Tampa, where he was mostly scarce on game-planning Tuesdays, a day very few if any starting NFL quarterbacks take off.
Was benched by coach Greg Schiano in Tampa.
Was signed by Minnesota last October.
Completed 43 percent of his passes, a laughable figure, in seven games in 2013.
Got cut loose by the Vikings after the season.
Got signed April 21 by the Giants, who planned to give him a chance to win the number two job behind Eli Manning.
Got cut by the Giants on Friday.
Did Josh Freeman break up with one of Peter's daughters? Did Freeman insult Peter in some way? I just wonder because Peter goes out of his way to bash Freeman and he even slightly deceives his reading audience to make Freeman seem worse than he is. Peter states Freeman completed a "laughable" (I like the editorializing, as if giving the number isn't good enough) 43% of his passes in seven games in 2013. As Peter documented on a near-weekly basis, Freeman didn't play after his one start with the Vikings in October and he only started four games all season. Yes, Freeman did complete 43% of his passes, but that was only in four starts and even during the season where he threw for 4065 yards he only completed 54.8% of his passes. So he was a fairly inaccurate quarterback who threw for a lot of yardage in 2012 and it's not like his star was completely on the rise. If Peter can get past his rage towards Freeman he would remember the Bucs didn't give him a new contract prior to the 2013 season because they wanted him to prove he was worth a new contract. He did not prove this and now he's out of the NFL again. End of story. He isn't the first or the last 1st round pick to perform poorly in the NFL and I have no idea why Peter picks on Freeman like he does.
4. I think it’s easy to say Sean Lee is injury-prone and leave his latest bit of terrible news—he suffered a torn ACL last week when he was jarred by rookie offensive lineman Zack Martin at a non-padded Dallas workout—at that. But with DeMarcus Ware and Lee gone for 2014 (Ware was cut in a cap move), and defensive tackle Jason Hatcher not re-signed, I cannot see any way new defensive coordinator Rod Marinelli can make a strong defense out of what he has left in Dallas. Talk about pressure on Tony Romo. He certainly was looking forward to not having to outscore every team he played this fall. Now, the Cowboys’ only real chance for the playoffs seems to rest on just how high-scoring the offense can be.
But it will always be Tony Romo's fault when the Cowboys lose a game. Always.
5. I think Arizona GM Steve Keim (see Quotes of the Week) is justifiably fuming over the year-long suspension handed to Daryl Washington, the best player on his front seven...In March, Keim essentially handed Washington a $10 million option bonus to trigger his contract for 2014. Now Keim has to feel altogether double-crossed, and it’s certain the team won’t allow Washington to keep that money without a fight. Arizona also could move on from Washington, figuring a player the coaches cannot trust (suspended for 20 of 32 games over a two-year span) is worthless to them.
Here is a great example of Peter treating a player who has had drug/alcohol issues purely from a "What does it mean in terms of football" point of view, rather than the "I wish this guy could get the help he needs" point of view. When it's an owner who gets detained for an alcohol/drug-related violation then Peter hopes this guy gets some help, but when it's a player who may or may not have alcohol/drug-related issues then Peter looks at it from a pure football standpoint and talks about how the coaches can't trust the player or feel double-crossed. Seems fair.
8. I think if Will Hill can blame second-hand smoke for his positive drug test—the league suspended him six games for the positive test last week—I can blame second-hand pizza for my weight.
Hill is probably thinking of an excuse, but second-hand smoke is a real thing and second-hand pizza is not. It was just last week that Peter bitched about a bar in Tennessee allowing their customers to smoke because it was bothering him while he ate. I get that Hill is using an excuse but it's interesting Peter makes this joke since second-hand smoke bothered him at a bar just over a week ago.
10. I think these are my non-football thoughts of the week:
b. Holy cow, Edwin Encarnacion. You’re the most dangerous hitter in baseball right now. Encarnacion hit two homers the other night—16 for the month of May—that traveled the length of three homers in any ballpark in America. Wow.
So who is the first sportswriter who wants to speculate, but not come out and actually say it, that Encarnacion is using PED's?
h. Coffeenerdness: So I’m weak, and I just had a five-latte week. Just don’t tell the nutritionist.
Hopefully Peter's sort of-nutrionist is illiterate and stupid like Peter assumes the rest of his MMQB readers are and can't read what Peter just wrote in this MMQB. Otherwise she probably knows Peter had five lattes. Besides, someone who negotiates with a nutritionist about how many lattes he/she can have during the week probably isn't very serious about their goal of losing some weight.
The Adieu Haiku
Freeman, cut again.
How were so many so wrong?
Two words: work ethic.
We get it, Peter. Josh Freeman sucks and you think he sucks and everyone thinks he sucks. He's lazy. It's understood. Why do you harp on Freeman so much as if he is the only first round quarterback to ever not play up to expectations in the NFL? I must ask this because I'm not sure I've ever read one sportswriter so pointlessly down on a quarterback like King is down on Freeman. Freeman wasn't even a top-5 pick and it's not like he was terrible his entire career. Yet, he draws Peter's ire to where Peter talks about him in MMQB whenever possible, just to remind his readers that Josh Freeman is indeed a lazy, useless, money-stealing asshole.
A varied day in the world of Monday Morning Quarterback:
It's not one of those boring football-only days in MMQB. It's a varied day where Peter talks about himself, annoying traveling notes, and some more things about Peter and his thoughts. It's very varied.
In the wake of Tampa Bay owner Malcolm Glazer’s death, thoughts on his colorblind impact on the game, and on the creeping ageism of NFL ownership.
BREAKING NEWS: People who can afford to own an NFL team are usually older rather than younger!
The disastrous Sean Lee injury for Dallas.
Every other NFL team could afford to lose their best linebacker for the year due to an injury, but not the Cowboys. Their best linebacker is more important than other team's best linebacker because ESPN loves talking about them too much.
The week’s my 25-year anniversary at Sports Illustrated. I reflect on my Johnny Cash interaction at the beginning, Steve Young vomiting perilously close to my shoes in the middle, and me being an ogre of a boss at the end. (Groaning, you skip the 25th anniversary section.)
While Peter's career at Sports Illustrated has certainly been long and impressive (especially to himself), I have heard the story of Steve Young vomiting close to Peter's shoes so many times. The story has been told so many times in one way or another by Peter there's not much else to reflect on at this point.
Players, get ready for a lot of HR talk in the next three weeks.
Not home runs. Human Resources.
How stupid does Peter think his readers are? I think most of his readers know that "HR" stands for "Human Resources." Sure, why would it make sense for NFL players to be talking about Human Resources? Probably for the same reason it would make sense for NFL players to be talking about home runs. I don't know if Peter is trying to be cutesy, but people know what HR stands for and there's no need to write "HR," and then clarify what this stands for, rather than just writing "Human Resources." It's like Peter wants desperately to come off as smarter or like he's educating his readers on every topic he discusses.
The NFL’s executive vice president and chief human resources officer, Robert Gulliver, leads a three-man NFL team into Flowery Branch, Ga., today to meet with all players, coaches and selected executives (owner Arthur Blank will be on hand) to discuss how to improve locker-room culture.
Not Flowery Branch, like the branch of a tree that has flowers on it. Flowery Branch is a city in Georgia. Peter also wants his readers to know Arthur Branch won't actually be on someone's hand during this meeting, but "on hand" means he will be present in the room during the meeting...but not on someone's hand and most likely in a chair.
Today, the Atlanta presentation will be about an hour long, and former Falcon defensive end Kerney—now the league’s vice president of player benefits—and Darius, the former Jaguar, will be there to help Gulliver drive home the point about respecting the guy next to you in the locker room.
And we all know a lecture about being nice to others will probably have a huge effect on grown athletes who play a violent sport where the intent is to hit the opposing player as hard as possible so he falls to the ground.
What can be accomplished in an hour? It’s a logical and skeptical question. “It’s to start the dialogue, to provoke conversation,” said Kerney. “As players, we need to understand we’re all going to be out of there soon and into the real world. If we continuing some of the behavior of the past, we’re enclosing ourselves in the bubble even further.”
In a bubble. But Peter wants us to know that no one is really going to be in a real bubble like the bubble boy from "Seinfeld," but this is a phrase that's often used. Peter wants to be very clear so he doesn't confuse his readers.
Will it work? Can it work? I think the most important element here is the acceptance by coaches and the team leaders—especially the team leaders...Kerney’s message is correct: This abusive and raunch boys-club-gone-wild atmosphere bubble doesn’t exist in the real world. Just because it’s been the tradition is many NFL locker rooms, why does it have to continue?
Because professional athletics are not the real world, athletes are used to staying in the bubble of playing sports and there's no better way to understand how the real world outside of the NFL works than having to live a life outside of the NFL and most of these NFL players won't get a chance to do this until they retire. Anyone who has been to a college where there are athletics knows that even the shittiest of athletes exists in the bubble of playing sports in some way or another. Obviously every athlete isn't like this for the entirety of his/her life, but NFL players are professional athletes who are used to being the absolute best at their sport and the abusive, teasing atmosphere in locker rooms is just part of professional sports. It doesn't have to be, but it's going to be hard to take players out of the athletic bubble while still keeping them in the bubble of athletics. That's why.
Again, not every athlete is this way, but it's a difficult culture. I've seen members of a shitty Division-I basketball school throw a punch because he and his friend lost at beer pong and couldn't stand having shit talked to him about it. The team won 5-6 games during the year, so he had to be used to losing, but he couldn't stand to be teased about losing at a stupid drinking game. I had a Division-II football player tell a girl I knew that she is coming home with him that night right in front of her boyfriend. When he came to get her at the end of the night, she did not and he was displeased. This isn't abusive locker room culture, but it's an example of a different mindset at times for some athletes. As we've seen in the case of the Dolphins last season, all it takes is 2-3 players and a team gets bad reputation or there starts locker room problems because of "boys-club-gone-wild." To change this completely would be to essentially change part of the mindset of some athletes starting as early as middle school and I'm not sure that can happen.
I got a bit nostalgic on Friday when I told my crew at The MMQB—we were gathered in New York City for our microsite’s offseason seminar—that Sunday was the 25th anniversary of Sports Illustrated managing editor Mark Mulvoy offering me a job and saying, “I want you to cover the NFL your way.”
Which Peter took to mean, "In a couple of decades I want you to be writing a long football-related column that is often only 50% related directly to football despite the fact there is a seeming 24 hour news cycle of football news. You need to start writing about yourself and what you do and don't like."
It's natural for Peter to talk about himself in a weekly column, but just 10-15 years ago MMQB was 2 pages at the most and now it has bloated into a 5-6 page column where half of it involves quotes of the week, Tweets of the week, a travel note, a fact Peter finds interesting, a stat Peter finds interesting, and usually an interview or discussion of something only sort of related to the NFL. This is before the entire last page of MMQB is dedicated to Peter's own personal thoughts that may or may not be about the NFL. I write about it every week and it gives me more material to write about, so that's a positive.
Either I should get lost, and go where the dinosaurs go. Or I should, as many athletes say, stay till they kick me out of the game.
I’ve opted for the second choice, at least for now. Twenty-five years, 25 memories:
Only 25 memories. But don't worry, we get a page of things that Peter thinks he thinks as well.
First assignment: June 1989. The NFL’s trying to birth a minor league, the World League of American Football, and I’m sent on the road for three days with the new exec of the league, banished Cowboys czar Tex Schramm, as he private-jetted from Jacksonville to Orlando to Birmingham to Charlotte to Nashville scouting for American franchises for an uninvented league. Highlight: I’m sent down the stairs of the plane first when we get to Nashville, and at the bottom of the stairs is the Man in Black, with his right hand out to shake. “Hiyah, welcome tah Nashville. Ahm Johnny Cash,” said Johnny Cash.
Peter loves writing EXACTLY how he perceives other people sound when talking to him, as if they are the ones who talk funny and it isn't Peter whose accent or lack thereof is the one who talks funny. If you are a person who meets Peter, be sure to talk with no accent or he will quote you by writing down exactly how he thinks you sound when speaking.
3. I loved the openness, the bawdiness, the intelligence of Jimmy Johnson. In training camp in 1990 we dined one night and he told me what a living hell the 1-15 season was, and he detailed all the crap that went on all season. At one point Johnson realized how much he was saying and his glare bore a hole through me. “Peter,” he said. “If you f— me on this story, I will squash you like a squirrel in the road.”
Peter swore from that point on he would never fuck someone on a story. Ever.
7. The media … what a difference a generation makes. I traveled in the early ’90s with a large notebook, a few pens and a small computer that most often stayed at the hotel. I’d take notes at a game, do interviews post-game, and go back to the hotel and write my piece for the magazine. When that was done, so was I for the week. The End. Now: I use a smart phone, a tablet and a laptop, daily. I phone, I tweet, I skype, I research the ’net. I do talk shows. I do video chats. The other day I did something called a Google+ hangout with Brandin Cooks and A.J. McCarron.
I like how Peter "researches the 'net." Does he do research on the Internet or is he actually doing research while surfing the Internet? I prefer to picture Peter doing research ON the Internet and typing searches like, "When did Al Gore invent the Internet" and "This Internet thing, tell me more about it, no, tell me everything about it."
Back in the day you prayed something you found out on a Friday would hold until it got to peoples’ mailboxes six days later. Now that thing you found out will probably be on the internet in six minutes by someone else if you don’t rush to get it up first.
Back in the day, Peter didn't have to hear all this negative feedback about what he writes and he, like other sportswriters, could bask in the glow of receiving awards from their friends and colleagues while fully knowing that their shit don't stink. It's not that way anymore to his dismay. Then there are guys like Bill Simmons who partly made his name bullying and criticizing sportswriters using the Internet, but now he thinks there is just a meanness on the Internet by those who criticize sportswriters.
9. In 1995, Mike Holmgren, the Green Bay head coach, let me spend a week inside the Packers. That was fun.
It's when Peter first met his football soulmate Brett Favre. What a bunch of tender and loving days those were.
Brett Favre farted in quarterback meetings a lot.
It's great to know. Amazingly Favre's farts smelled exactly like what a child playing the game of football smells like.
What a memory he had. He’d be looking up at the ceiling, seemingly not paying attention, and QB coach Steve Mariucci would say, “Brett, what are you looking for with this protection?” Favre would just spit out, “Strongside ’back. C’mon Mooch. Gimme something tough.”
Favre had a great memory or it could just be that he was really paying attention even though it didn't look like it. That wouldn't be a fun story to tell though.
11. Maddest a coach ever got? One time Bill Parcells told me we were through—he was coaching the Jets, and thought I told another writer something out of bounds—and that lasted about six or eight months. Now we talk a lot. I guess Bill Belichick got mad after some of my coverage of Spygate in 2007. I’m not sure, though. He hasn’t talked to me since.
Peter must think that if he links every possible NFL Draft prospect who doesn't have an exact position to the Patriots and state that they will figure out how to use that player then Belichick will forgive him. Either that or Peter is trying to get back in Belichick's good graces by becoming super-besties with Scott Pioli.
Then Peter recounts the story of Steve Young almost throwing up on his shoes after the Super Bowl victory over the Chargers. It's a good story, but not the first or even fifth time I have heard it.
18. I’ve covered a lot of fun games, but for some reasons I’ll remember the game New England won to set the record for consecutive NFL wins (19) in 2004, because that story contained my favorite SI line.
HERE'S MY FAVORITE THING I'VE EVER WRITTEN!
(The list of good lines is a very short one, believe me.)
You are being so modest about it that it's tough not to believe you. I mean, you are spending part of MMQB recounting your 25 years at Sports Illustrated. It's all very modest.
You guys know how I feel about having a separate column for a lot of the stuff Peters puts into MMQB. It goes for his 25 years of remembrances as well. Peter has his own web site now. I think there is a good "remembrance" column he could write for that site.
In a quiet moment in the locker room after New England beat Miami to earn the record, I got Belichick about as celebratory as you’ll hear him. And I wrote, “ ‘It’s great to be in the history books,’ said the man who has read them all.”
This is the perfect Peter King line because it has just the right degree of loftiness about a topic (history) in it with the right amount of the admiring tone that I find Peter has for his subjects at times.
19. Best interview: Brett Favre edges Peyton Manning, Richard Sherman, John Randle and Jimmy Johnson.
Not a shock. Peter has probably talked to or interviewed Favre about as much as Randle, Sherman and Johnson combined.
I’ll never forget what Favre told me about his post-football life. This was in 2000. I asked him where he’d be and what he’d do in retirement. “I’ll be down in Hattiesburg [Miss.]. You’ll never find me. You know the ‘Where are they now?’ segments on ‘Inside the NFL?’ They’ll do one on me, but they’ll have to get Robert Stack, like on ‘Unsolved Mysteries.’ I’ll disappear.”
Oh yeah, and Favre has definitely disappeared. I guess it's all relative. Most people who "disappear" go out of the spotlight completely, but for Favre "disappearing" means he sticks his head up to remind the world that he does indeed exist. Fortunately he is using his webcam to talk about football and not show everyone pictures of his penis, as he has been prone to do in the past.
Who knows what he's up to now? It's not like anyone has reported on what Favre is doing these days. His idea of disappearing isn't quite mine. Also notice in one of those columns that Favre won't commit to coaching next year. It seems he enjoys the attention of people wondering about his future no matter what he does.
"Who knows if I'll do it next year," said Favre, who is in his second year coaching at the high school. "I really don't know. It's been a lot of fun. I enjoy it. It's easy and it's not too time-consuming."
I imagine Favre's wife, Deanna (and I know her name, which pisses me off), wakes up on a Saturday and spends the first two hours of the day trying to get Favre to commit to whether he will be mowing the grass next week or pay someone to do it.
"It's too early in the week to say what I will do. I enjoy it but I'm also getting to the point I have other interests outside of mowing grass for two hours during the week. I really don't know what I'm going to do or not. I'm just focused on breakfast right now. The time is going to come soon when I stop mowing the grass though. Be sure to ask me every single weekend until I decide I won't ever mow my own grass again."
I can never get him on the phone anymore. He’s disappeared, except to coach the offense for the local high school football team.
Again, my definition of "disappeared" isn't necessarily the same as Peter's definition. Favre certainly poked his head up around draft time this year and has done so in the past as well. I'm sure Peter is hurt he can't get Favre on the phone. More importantly, why is Peter trying to call a retired NFL quarterback? Does he often call Troy Aikman or Joe Montana? I just don't know why he would be calling Favre, other than to just speak with him, which totally proves Peter is obsessed with Favre.
21. Smartest professional decision I made in these 25 years: listening to Steve Robinson, the first editor of the magazine’s website, in 1997 when he asked me to empty out my notebook on Monday morning with whatever I wasn’t writing for the magazine that week. That’s how “Monday Morning Quarterback” was birthed.
It started that way and has turned into the behemoth that it currently is which now doesn't have a lot to do with whatever Peter wasn't writing for the magazine that week any more than it has to do with Peter's thoughts during the week.
The Glazers have hired five coaches. Dungy turned the franchise from sad-sack losers to annual contenders. Gruden finished the job. Raheem Morris largely failed, lasting three years. Greg Schiano didn’t have a long-enough chance (two years), but he failed too.
You like how Peter points out how his boy Greg Schiano didn't have a long-enough chance with the Bucs, but Schiano had only one more year than Raheem Morris (who had no experience as a head coach) and his career winning percentage with the Buccaneers is worse than that of Morris? At least Morris had one winning season. But yeah, Schiano just needed more time.
NFL ownership is aging. Four teams in the last eight months have had a transition in ownership with the death of principal owners.
The youngest owner who passed away was 85 years old. These aren't exactly spring chickens running around. So the lesson is that older owners die.
Of course, in many of the places where owners are aging, teams have strong family plans in place. Dean Spanos is a well-respected presence at league meetings for the Chargers, as is Art Rooney II for Pittsburgh, Katie Blackburn (Mike Brown’s daughter) for the Bengals, Michael Bidwill for the Cards, Jonathan Kraft for the Patriots and Stephen Jones for Dallas.
I'm just happy there is no ownership succession plan in place for my favorite team. It makes me feel very confident. 77 year old owners with a history of a heart condition generally make it to age 100 though, right?
Arthur Blank is very bullish on expanding the NFL’s borders.
My Q&A with the Atlanta owner:
The MMQB: What’s the short- and long-term future of the NFL in Europe?
Blank: The games in London, I think are a tribute to the NFL, a tribute to the fans there, the quality of the game—and I think that it’s proved conclusive that fans will come out when they see the real players playing games that are really meaningful, as opposed to NFL Europe...The approach that the international committee and the commissioner have taken is, ‘Let’s do London right, and then move from there to potentially somewhere else.’
I can't imagine how there would be logistical problems with NFL teams playing football games across the ocean in Europe and then having to come back to the United States to play the very next week. Or would every team that has to play in Europe get a bye the week after?
I’m sure there are wonderful cities in Europe, and elsewhere.
There are wonderful cities in every country, but that doesn't mean every wonderful city in every country needs an NFL team.
The MMQB: Is it more likely there would be a franchise in London or that there would be six to eight games a season?
Blank: I think it will lead to [a team]. I think it will start with an increased number of games. That will be translated into a very successful series of games, and eventually, I think a franchise. And maybe more than one.
Oh, goodie. I can't see how this idea would fail at all. I'm not against the NFL expanding overseas, but I'm afraid of the NFL trying to hard to expand their product they end up diluting the product. For example, I don't know how many more NFL teams there needs to be. 32 teams is a lot of teams and there are only so many good quarterbacks to go around.
Then Peter re-prints commencement addresses given by some athletes, celebrities, politicians and I generally skip over those.
“I call Twitter the microphone for morons.”
—Denver GM John Elway, at a NFL event, the career development symposium, Saturday at Penn’s Wharton School of Business in Philadelphia.
I call losing more Super Bowls than you win a little disappointing for a Hall of Fame quarterback.
I don't really, I like to get chippy when people bash Twitter. Plus it's not like Elway (@johnelway is his Twitter handle) is too good for Twitter. He just bashes the technology he uses, that's all.
“It is completely unacceptable that Daryl has once again put us in this position. We all know what the consequences are and will deal with them.”
—Arizona GM Steve Keim, in an unusually strongly worded statement condemning linebacker Daryl Washington, one of his best players, for being suspended for the 2014 season. Washington said he tested positive for marijuana.
Wow, that is strongly worded. Washington did know the consequences of marijuana use and he should pay the price. If only he could find a way to convince the Cardinals he has "a problem," then hit up rehab for a month, be a wealthy owner and writers like Peter King would feel bad for him.
“It’s a war. It’s on. I have no respect for him no more … You can’t be acting like a little girl out there … a little b—-.”
—Red Sox DH David Ortiz, on Tampa Bay pitcher David Price, after Ortiz was hit in the back by the first Price pitch he saw in 2014, the first time they faced each other this season, on Friday at Fenway Park.
Cool baseball drama.
I'm sure if A-Rod or a Rays player said this about a Red Sox player then Peter would feel like it is "cool baseball drama." It's cool drama until Peter decides he doesn't like the messenger.
So if there were nine taunting fouls in 2012, and if 43 such fouls could have been called in 2013, imagine what happens when officials are ultra-sensitive to make such calls in 2014. Either players will get see the quick trigger fingers the refs have and cut it out early this year, or there will be an epidemic of taunting calls this fall.
Mike Mitchell would have gotten called for 43 taunting calls all by himself, followed by him getting beaten for a touchdown.
Roger Goodell takes a trip every year to Silicon Valley to meet and talk to innovators in the technology, TV, social media and academic set. On one of his first such trips, he met with Steve Jobs, the Apple boss, who had one word of advice for Goodell: “Wifi.”
When you hear owners and club presidents and league officials say they’re intent on enabling all fans able to use their smart phones inside all NFL stadiums, you can trace that advice to Jobs.
Or I could trace that to the fact airplanes, restaurants, Starbucks, hotels and every other place where consumers will choose to go have wifi and eventually NFL stadiums were going to get wifi. Steve Jobs died over three years ago and all NFL stadiums don't have wifi yet, so clearly Goodell listened to the advice not-so intently or wasn't in a hurry to get wifi in every NFL stadium.
Mr. Starwood Preferred Member Travel Note of the Week
I have heard of flight delays and I have heard of emergency landings, but what happened on a US Airways flight from Los Angeles to Philadelphia last Wednesday sets an American aviation record for incredulity. Lucky for all of us, Chris Law, a 30-year-old NFL Network producer—he handles Rich Eisen’s podcast and produces programming about fantasy football, the draft and the combine—was in row 10 of the plane and was an eyewitness, and nasal witness, to airline history.
Yes, thank God he was there or else I wouldn't get the chance to read about someone complaining regarding how frustrating it is to travel. There is no where else I can go to hear complaining, so it's just a stroke of luck that Chris Law was on this flight.
“I fly US Airways all the time,’’ Law said over the weekend from Virginia, where he was attending a bachelor party. “I have status with them.
I wouldn't have been so sarcastic in the last paragraph if I had known this story was being told by someone who had status. RISE UP PEOPLE! CHRIS LAW HAS STATUS WITH US AIRWAYS AND THEY DID THIS TO HIM! IMAGINE WHAT CAN HAPPEN TO PEOPLE WITHOUT STATUS! ARM YOURSELVES IMMEDIATELY!
Before we board, I see this lady with a full-grown dog. I have never seen a full-size dog on a plane in coach. This dog had a service tag on it, and the lady looked healthy, fine. But whatever. I get on the plane, everyone boards, the lady and her dog go in back.
This story is long, but the dog starts shitting everywhere and the shit stinks. The plane has to land and Hazmat has to come on the plane to take care of the issue.
(Speaking of which, and I know I will regret putting this idea out there, but I feel like this is the plot of a movie. Terrorists plan to get on a plane and want to avoid going through the detectors, so they have a dog crap all over a plane, Hazmat comes in, but it's actually the terrorists, and take over the plane on the runway and shenanigans en sue ...I'm just saying this is a terrible, terrible idea but it came to me and I have no doubt Bruce Willis would be in this movie somehow)
Now back to Chris Law: “So we land. We stay on the plane. Hazmat is actually five guys in orange vests.
I'm pretty sure they wouldn't suit up completely to face the impending crisis of dog shit on a plane.
“But when we were in Kansas City, she and the dog got off. It was clear this dog was ‘serving’ no purpose. The woman was walking fine. The dog had its own seat. So when she got off, it was like a walk of shame. Her and the dog walked off. People were clapping when she got off the plane, maybe 10 or 15 people clapping. Some people were pretty pissed off. Two people missed their cruise to Greece. People missed their connections. A lady sitting near me was getting honored by a charity that she runs in Hartford that night, and had to make a speech there, but she never made it.
Is that normal? She runs a charity and is being honored by that charity. So she is being honored by...herself? I don't know, really. It seems odd to me to run a charity and then be honored by the charity you run. Maybe it was for longevity of service or something.
I will never, ever, ever complain about anything related to travel for the rest of my life.
At least until next week.
Peter would have absolutely had a shit-fit if this happened on a flight he was on. Peter would have eviscerated this woman in MMQB and then demanded the airlines personally apologize to him.
Red Sox losing streak reaches ten. It's like watching one of your good friends, normally sober, get drunk and puke on his shoes.
— Stephen King (@StephenKing) May 26, 2014
That sounds exactly like something Bill Simmons would Tweet. I wonder which person stole this manner of speaking from the other? It has all the identifiers of something Bill Simmons would say or Tweet. Very weird.
Ten Things I Think I Think
1. I think the most meaningless, dumb story of this offseason is the constant, unending, logic-defying debate over who is the Jets’ starting quarterback, and that anything done before the battle is joined once training camp is a tangible factor in who will win the job—Geno Smith or Michael Vick.
Peter then takes up #1 and #2 "things he thinks" in talking about the Jets quarterback situation. Yeah Peter, I sure do wish some people would stop discussing this meaningless, dumb story. If only more people would follow your lead in not discussing it by discussing it.
Speaking of dumb, meaningless stories...Peter hasn't bashed Josh Freeman in a month, so here goes:
3. I think there’s an incredible story out there, waiting to be written about Josh Freeman. It could be called: “How to ruin your football career in just 18 months.” In the span of the past year and a half, Freeman:
Threw for 4,065 yards at age 24 in 2012, appearing to be one of the best young quarterbacks in football for a young Tampa Bay team.
Had his work ethic questioned in Tampa, where he was mostly scarce on game-planning Tuesdays, a day very few if any starting NFL quarterbacks take off.
Was benched by coach Greg Schiano in Tampa.
Was signed by Minnesota last October.
Completed 43 percent of his passes, a laughable figure, in seven games in 2013.
Got cut loose by the Vikings after the season.
Got signed April 21 by the Giants, who planned to give him a chance to win the number two job behind Eli Manning.
Got cut by the Giants on Friday.
Did Josh Freeman break up with one of Peter's daughters? Did Freeman insult Peter in some way? I just wonder because Peter goes out of his way to bash Freeman and he even slightly deceives his reading audience to make Freeman seem worse than he is. Peter states Freeman completed a "laughable" (I like the editorializing, as if giving the number isn't good enough) 43% of his passes in seven games in 2013. As Peter documented on a near-weekly basis, Freeman didn't play after his one start with the Vikings in October and he only started four games all season. Yes, Freeman did complete 43% of his passes, but that was only in four starts and even during the season where he threw for 4065 yards he only completed 54.8% of his passes. So he was a fairly inaccurate quarterback who threw for a lot of yardage in 2012 and it's not like his star was completely on the rise. If Peter can get past his rage towards Freeman he would remember the Bucs didn't give him a new contract prior to the 2013 season because they wanted him to prove he was worth a new contract. He did not prove this and now he's out of the NFL again. End of story. He isn't the first or the last 1st round pick to perform poorly in the NFL and I have no idea why Peter picks on Freeman like he does.
4. I think it’s easy to say Sean Lee is injury-prone and leave his latest bit of terrible news—he suffered a torn ACL last week when he was jarred by rookie offensive lineman Zack Martin at a non-padded Dallas workout—at that. But with DeMarcus Ware and Lee gone for 2014 (Ware was cut in a cap move), and defensive tackle Jason Hatcher not re-signed, I cannot see any way new defensive coordinator Rod Marinelli can make a strong defense out of what he has left in Dallas. Talk about pressure on Tony Romo. He certainly was looking forward to not having to outscore every team he played this fall. Now, the Cowboys’ only real chance for the playoffs seems to rest on just how high-scoring the offense can be.
But it will always be Tony Romo's fault when the Cowboys lose a game. Always.
5. I think Arizona GM Steve Keim (see Quotes of the Week) is justifiably fuming over the year-long suspension handed to Daryl Washington, the best player on his front seven...In March, Keim essentially handed Washington a $10 million option bonus to trigger his contract for 2014. Now Keim has to feel altogether double-crossed, and it’s certain the team won’t allow Washington to keep that money without a fight. Arizona also could move on from Washington, figuring a player the coaches cannot trust (suspended for 20 of 32 games over a two-year span) is worthless to them.
Here is a great example of Peter treating a player who has had drug/alcohol issues purely from a "What does it mean in terms of football" point of view, rather than the "I wish this guy could get the help he needs" point of view. When it's an owner who gets detained for an alcohol/drug-related violation then Peter hopes this guy gets some help, but when it's a player who may or may not have alcohol/drug-related issues then Peter looks at it from a pure football standpoint and talks about how the coaches can't trust the player or feel double-crossed. Seems fair.
8. I think if Will Hill can blame second-hand smoke for his positive drug test—the league suspended him six games for the positive test last week—I can blame second-hand pizza for my weight.
Hill is probably thinking of an excuse, but second-hand smoke is a real thing and second-hand pizza is not. It was just last week that Peter bitched about a bar in Tennessee allowing their customers to smoke because it was bothering him while he ate. I get that Hill is using an excuse but it's interesting Peter makes this joke since second-hand smoke bothered him at a bar just over a week ago.
10. I think these are my non-football thoughts of the week:
b. Holy cow, Edwin Encarnacion. You’re the most dangerous hitter in baseball right now. Encarnacion hit two homers the other night—16 for the month of May—that traveled the length of three homers in any ballpark in America. Wow.
So who is the first sportswriter who wants to speculate, but not come out and actually say it, that Encarnacion is using PED's?
h. Coffeenerdness: So I’m weak, and I just had a five-latte week. Just don’t tell the nutritionist.
Hopefully Peter's sort of-nutrionist is illiterate and stupid like Peter assumes the rest of his MMQB readers are and can't read what Peter just wrote in this MMQB. Otherwise she probably knows Peter had five lattes. Besides, someone who negotiates with a nutritionist about how many lattes he/she can have during the week probably isn't very serious about their goal of losing some weight.
The Adieu Haiku
Freeman, cut again.
How were so many so wrong?
Two words: work ethic.
We get it, Peter. Josh Freeman sucks and you think he sucks and everyone thinks he sucks. He's lazy. It's understood. Why do you harp on Freeman so much as if he is the only first round quarterback to ever not play up to expectations in the NFL? I must ask this because I'm not sure I've ever read one sportswriter so pointlessly down on a quarterback like King is down on Freeman. Freeman wasn't even a top-5 pick and it's not like he was terrible his entire career. Yet, he draws Peter's ire to where Peter talks about him in MMQB whenever possible, just to remind his readers that Josh Freeman is indeed a lazy, useless, money-stealing asshole.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
8 comments MMQB Review: Peter Regales Us with Stories of Him Walking
Peter King continued to talk about the Rams' 2013 draft last week in MMQB. He also suggested NFL teams allow reporters in their draft war room, even though NFL teams have nothing to be gained and everything to lose by allowing reporters access to their draft process. Peter also marveled at what a game baseball is that the #3 pick in the 2010 MLB Amateur draft would actually make it to the majors and have such a big impact. That Manny Machado sure came from nowhere didn't he? This week Peter talks about Tom Brady's wonderful offseason, feels really bad for David Garrard for some strange reason (he's 35 and a millionaire, my sadness for such people can only go so far), and tells us a riveting story about he he walks, yes WALKS, around New York City. Peter only glosses over Bruce Irvin being suspended four games for violating the NFL's drug code. Otherwise it wouldn't matter what Peter thinks about Irvin's four game suspension, but Irvin had a few red flags coming out of West Virginia University, Peter indicated in his April 29 MMQB that drafting risky guys is a move NFC West teams would make, and Peter criticized the Lions last week in MMQB for taking a chance on Titus Young. Oh well, MMQB is only so long and Peter has to get his travel notes, his thoughts on baseball and his opinion on "The Office" into the column somewhere. It's not like this is a football column or anything.
Considering what a transcendent talent Tom Brady is, the career he's had, and that he turns 36 in 11 weeks, this statement he made to me over the weekend is significant: "Going into my 14th year, I have never had more confidence in how I am throwing the football. I've never felt better throwing the football."
Even without Wes Welker? How can Brady ever feel confident without Welker on his side? Isn't Brady's career supposed to turn to shit without Welker?
I'm waiting for the day a quarterback tells Peter King, "I feel like shit. My arm takes a longer time to recover now after I practice and I just don't feel good throwing the football."
It's almost like great quarterbacks are very confident people and put in the work to get better, no matter their age. The day a quarterback tells Peter how his skills have diminished, then I will be interested.
Were those shudders I just felt coming out of Orchard Park, Florham Park and South Florida?
You heard those shudders a decade ago when the Patriots started dominating the AFC East. At this point it is just business as usual for the rest of the AFC East. They try to beat the Patriots and hope for a season good enough to get a Wild Card spot.
Brady doesn't talk much in the offseason,
Especially since he trains in California away from the Patriots team. One more reason that Tom Brady isn't a true Patriot and why the Patriots can't win a Super Bowl. If Brady would just train with the team instead of starting the offseason in California then the Patriots could win the Super Bowl again.
Remember when it was a semi-big deal that Brady worked out in California last year (I think it was last year)? What happened to that?
Brady said, "Friendship and support from friends and family is so important to succeeding in life. We take friendship for granted.
This is a quote where Brady is clearly referring to Wes Welker. I'm surprised some Boston sportswriters haven't jumped all over this quote to make a big deal out of it. I can see Dan Shaughnessy immediately sitting down at his typewriter (you know he uses a typewriter and has an intern transcribe his column into the computer) and starts writing a column about how Tom Brady just said Wes Welker took his friendship for granted. Dan will do anything to stir up shit.
Good for him -- and while we're on the subject of good deeds in New England, here's another one: A 33-member contingent of current and former Patriots, and coaches and staff, got on buses from Foxboro Saturday morning for the 150-mile ride to Newtown, Conn., to hold a football clinic for the kids of Newtown. Owner Robert Kraft, defensive coordinator Matt Patricia, tight end Rob Gronkowski and captains Jerod Mayo, Devin McCourty and Matthew Slater were on hand. The coaches and players ran eight stations that 400 kids rotated through, while their parents watched from the stands. When one kid asked where Brady was, Kraft got him on the phone and passed it around to several kids so they could all say they talked to Brady. A good day, and a good bit of community service by the Patriots.
Have you ever noticed how plugged-in Peter King is to the Patriots' community service events? He's always writing about Matt Light's charity events and he always seems to have specific details about a charity event or community service the Patriots are involved in. I have nothing snarky to say, but just wonder how Peter is so plugged-in to the Patriots in this way. Does he just get himself more plugged-in to what the Patriots do for the community or does the team reach out to him I wonder?
"Tom House, pretty soon after the season, said basically, 'All right, Tommy. Get to work.' That's the one thing that helps me move forward. There's nothing we can do about losing the championship game to the Ravens. It sucks. You move on. But, with Tom, I think I've learned some things this offseason that are really going to help me.''
I said, "Be specific -- give me one thing, or two things you feel are going to help you this year.''
Damn, Peter. Back off Brady. If you quizzed every athlete like this you may actually be able to see through some of the bullshit you get fed at draft time or during the season.
"One thing,'' he said. He paused. "Well ... I hate to ... well done is better than well said. I'd rather not say. I want people to watch and see if they notice.
I bet Brady has changed his throwing motion and throws the ball sidearm to his receivers now. Defensive coordinators will never see that coming. A quarterback that throws passes sidearm and submarine style? It's the new Wildcat!
(Insert Tim Tebow throwing motion joke here)
The Patriots are 39-9 in the last three years, but they're not measured by the regular season. They haven't been in a long time. The measure comes in the postseason, and losses to the Jets, the Giants and the Ravens have ended their last three years in crushing ways. Brady's doing what he can to up the ante this offseason, apparently.
Well, he says he is doing things to up the ante. It's not obvious until the games actually start.
Is the defense doing the same? The receiver group? Belichick the drafter?
Call them up then, Peter. Find out what SPECIFICALLY DAMMIT they are doing to up the ante in this offseason. Then they will avoid the question and Peter will back down immediately and ask them about their latest community service event.
Without a franchise pass rusher or corner this season, the Patriots are likely to be as dependent on Brady as ever. Or more.
I'm sorry, so we know the Patriots don't have a franchise pass rusher or corner during the 2013 season? It's May and we know they lack both of these players? We may as well not even play the 2013 season.
How do you not feel sick for David Garrard?
Because he has achieved his financial and personal dream by being a starting quarterback in the NFL and he is only 35 years old?
Twenty months ago, a week before the 2011 season, Garrard was Jacksonville's starting quarterback. Out of the blue, two hours after he was introduced at the team's fan luncheon as the starter, then-coach Jack Del Rio called him in and cut him, preferring to go with rookie Blaine Gabbert.
Nine months ago, before the 2012 season in Miami, Garrard was leading in the quarterback derby with rookie Ryan Tannehill until the veteran QB needed arthroscopic knee surgery. Rather than wait for him to get well, Miami cut him, handing the job to Tannehill.
Last week, again looking like he had a good chance to be a starter, this time with the Jets, his balky knee kept ballooning after even slightly strenuous workouts. With a wife and three young children back home in Jacksonville, Garrard decided to stop fighting his physical shortcomings. He quit.
There are relative levels of feeling miserable for someone. In the realm of sports, I feel bad for Garrard. In the realm of life and every other realm I don't really feel that bad for him. I don't, and I won't, ever feel sick for him. Feeling sick for someone should be reserved for life-threatening diseases or decisions that have to be made.
"You a little heartbroken?'' I asked him Saturday.
GIVE ME ONE OR TWO SPECIFIC EXAMPLES OF HOW HEARTBROKEN YOU ARE!
But Garrard was an adult about it. "You always hear, 'Play 'til the wheels fall off,' '' he said. "Not me. I've got a wife and three beautiful kids who rely on me. I want to be there for them, and as healthy as I can be. I knew if I kept trying to play, it wouldn't end well. I knew it was going to come to an end sometime -- now is just earlier than I thought. But it's tough.''
My God, some perspective. Who invited David Garrard to speak in this week's MMQB? Perspective is usually not allowed in these parts of the Internet. Peter likes to say he is "sick" for an athlete who retired early and then get all high-and-mighty about gun control by using the same language to describe the latest gun-related tragedy. No perspective is allowed.
Other than the obvious, Garrard has one other regret. He said, unlike the perception from last August in Miami, he didn't injure himself at the pool with his kids. He said he was struggling with his knee during Dolphins training camp, and his needing arthroscopic surgery -- which caused the Dolphins to cut him -- was from normal wear and tear of training camp, exacerbated by a pivot on the deck of the pool.
Because injuring yourself while playing with your children is one of the most non-noble ways of incurring an injury? "Sorry kids, go play with the nanny. Daddy can't play with you because he wouldn't want to get hurt playing in the pool with you. Getting hurt in practice, that's perfectly acceptable, but if I get hurt playing with you in the pool then that just makes me an asshole."
This year, Garrard said his knee -- which was already missing much of its cartilage, causing bone-on-bone friction -- just never felt right. "I couldn't jog most days,'' he said. "I could barely walk around without it hurting. And we weren't even in the strenuous part of camp yet. I figured, 'No way I can just take every fourth day off.' I went to see Rex [Ryan], and I just told him I didn't think I could do it. He didn't want to hear it. But I just told him what the doctor said -- it's only going to get worse. And that was it.''
How can you feel sick for Garrard? He's being very reasonable about his injury. There are things in life people should and should not feel "sick" for other people about, and I'm struggling to see this as one of those situations. Garrard is 35 years old remember, so it isn't like his career was cut off in its prime. Peter just acted shocked that Tom Brady, another 35 year old quarterback, said he was throwing the ball better than he ever had in his career. So it's not like it is unheard for a 35 year old athlete to have injuries or be forced to retire.
Now it's Sanchez and Smith, perhaps with an interesting summer tutor. That's not the summer job David Garrard had in mind.
Remember after the draft when Peter wrote that he didn't see why the Jets didn't release Mark Sanchez immediately? I think we are seeing now why that would have been a hasty and dumb decision. Not that Peter would ever acknowledge this of course.
I thought all along that Freeney was a reasonably priced gem in this year's free-agent crop. To get a player with his pedigree and experience for $4.4 million a year, and limited guarantees, is very good replacement value for San Diego. I'm already looking forward to Weeks 10 and 15, when Freeney will be chasing fellow AFC South transplant Peyton Manning in San Diego-Denver games.
If Freeney actually ends up chasing Peyton Manning around the field in those games then Manning is fucked. I'm not sure there is a less mobile quarterback in the NFL than Manning (not that it matters when it comes to his ability to play quarterback of course), but Freeney better be rushing Manning and not chasing him. The chasing part wouldn't end well for Manning.
"You will never see me. Somebody else might do some things, but not me. I text, though. I got to the point where I can text, I can call and do those things. So I'm getting pretty good. I really don't want anyone to know what I'm doing. I really don't think what I'm doing is that important. People don't have to know what I'm doing. It's no one's business but mine.''
-- Mike Ditka, on why he will not use Twitter, to the Chicago Sun-Times.
This is today's entry in the category of "Old People Who Proudly Refuse to Use Technology." Mike Ditka doesn't want people to know what he is doing and doesn't consider what he is doing important, but of course, he does want us to listen to his opinion and think that his opinion is important when he is on ESPN's NFL pregame show. He's not important in his own mind until he starts to talk about football. Then he's just a wealth of knowledge.
Jets fans, don't despair. I know you had your hearts set on a healthy David Garrard to be the bridge between 2013 and Geno Smith taking over the job in 2014. But this is the year -- or at least the summer -- of Mark Sanchez. It's doubtful Smith will do enough to win the Jets' starting job before camp breaks in August. Comparing what might have been (the last two years of Garrard, playing for the Jaguars in 2009 and 2010) to what Sanchez produced in his last two years for the Jets:
"Never fear Jets fans! You were fucked with David Garrard as your starting quarterback anyway."
That seems to be the point Peter wants to prove here. There are a couple issues with this comparison. Actually more than couple:
1. Garrard wasn't 35 when he put up those numbers. He has not started regularly in two seasons, so he put those numbers up as a 31 and 32 year old quarterback.
2. The win-loss numbers have to take into account the team around these two quarterbacks.
3. Not only is Garrard's TD/INT differential much better than Sanchez's, but Sanchez threw 100 more passes over the two seasons and still had fewer yards per game than Garrard.
4. Seriously, this is supposed to make Jets fans feel better? How?
The Atlanta Falcons do not have a John or George or David or Chris or Daniel or Mark -- six of the 20 most common male names in the United States, according to the 2000 Census -- on their current 90-man roster.
2000 was 13 years ago. Isn't there more up-to-date data Peter could have used? Maybe use the Google machine to look up "2012 popular male baby names" or even "2013 popular male baby names."
They do, however, have players with these first names: Malliciah, Kroy, Shann, Kemal, Joplo, Stansly, Micanor, Saeed, Terren, Levine, Jacquizz, Roddy and Peria.
They don't have a Phillip or a Keith, but they have a Phillipkeith.
Peter is infatuated with pointing out funny names that football players have. Many of these players are minorities, so Peter is basically (yet again) marveling at how minorities name their children funny names. He's the very picture of an upper class white person. I can see him wearing a sweater over a long-sleeve shirt with loafers sipping a independent beer outside of a bar that charges $8 per beer.
Mr. Starwood Preferred Member Travel Note of the Week
Best thing about living in Manhattan: walking.
Best thing about being any human with two working legs: walking.
I was in a hurry twice in the past week.
Do tell both stories extremely in-depth. We need to hear these stories about you walking. God knows I haven't heard tell of these stories about how a person can walk somewhere.
The first time, I was rushing from my East Side apartment to the SI offices in midtown. It's a walk of about 17 minutes. I didn't have 17 minutes. Midday. Jumped in a cab.
Peter begins a story about walking by jumping into a cab. I think he is confused about exactly what it is that "walking" truly is. Maybe he thinks the act of watching other people walk means he is actually doing the walking himself. I'm starting to think these charity races he runs in just consist of Peter circling the track in a golf cart as those people who are actually running look at him in disbelief.
Big bottleneck at 51st and Lexington ahead. Inched forward through two, three four light changes. Paid the guy. Got out and walked. Aaaargh.
This is how important Peter believes that he is. He just told us a story about he got stuck in traffic and then had to walk to the SI offices. We are supposed to be interested by this.
The second time, I was late getting home from the office. About 5:15 p.m. and Avenue of the Americas (you might know it as Sixth Avenue) was a parking lot.
Wait, hold on a second. 5:15pm is LATE getting home from the office? Next time we hear Peter bitch about his travel schedule and the major inconveniences the life he has chosen causes him, let's all remember 5:15pm is LATE for him to be getting home from the office.
I knew I wouldn't save time in a cab. Walked again.
That's the story. Peter was late getting home, knew he wouldn't save time in a cab, so he walked. That's it. Story over.
I like walking. It's just that, when you're in a hurry in New York, it doesn't matter. Everything above ground is in quicksand.
Now imagine, and I don't want to scare you too much Peter, that you are late getting home and you can't walk home. Walking is great, so what do you do? Give us the answer, with SPECIFIC EXAMPLES of the steps you would take on how to make walking great next week in MMQB.
"Sad to see The Office go and while the cast is spectacular, it hasn't been the same without Michael Scott. Like Curb without Larry David."
-- @RaysJoeMaddon, the Tampa Bay manager, showing his depth of TV education.
Even those who didn't watch "The Office" knew it wasn't the same show without Steve Carell. But no, Joe Maddon is a genius.
Love how Maddon can multitask. He can figure a way to survive with David Price on the DL at the same time as watching the last episode of The Office.
Again, it really shouldn't be that hard to watch television while also using the great organizational pitching depth the Rays have to cover for Price's spot in the rotation over the next few weeks. The Rays are deep in terms of starting pitching.
Ten Things I Think I Think
1.I think I'd be surprised if when the 50th and 51st Super Bowls are announced in Boston on Tuesday, the sites chosen are not Santa Clara and Houston, in that order.
Let's also remember Peter was probably a little surprised the Jets didn't immediately cut Mark Sanchez after drafting Geno Smith and Peter also thought Joe Flacco wasn't going to be re-signed by the Ravens. These cities very well may be the Super Bowl sites, but what surprises Peter probably doesn't surprise others.
3. I think the early returns on Sean Payton's enthusiasm and verve for the New Orleans Saints job are extremely positive. He's Mr. Positive, from what I hear, instead of Mr. Bitter.
I can't figure out why Payton would be bitter, but I guess Peter really wants to go out of his way to compliment Sean Payton for having a good attitude after being punished for something he did. Good job, Sean Payton. You presided over a team that put bounties on opposing players and you aren't bitter about getting caught! Peter is impressed with you. What a man of great virtue you have become.
5. I think the Seahawks' six suspensions for positive tests in the last two calendar years -- only five players were sanctioned, because Richard Sherman's ban last year was thrown out due to chain-of-custody issues -- will make the 2014 free-agent period and draft very interesting for Seahawks GM John Schneider and coach Pete Carroll.
Hey, it's the NFC West, they sign and draft players other teams may not. That's what Peter tells us. So why would they care if a few players got suspended?
They'll almost have to draft and pursue Eagle Scouts because of all the recent violations; Seattle will have to show it's serious about acquiring disciplined and mature players.
Why would the Seahawks have to do that? This isn't Boy Scouts, it's football. So is Peter really telling us that the Seahawks are going to pass up on quality football players in free agency or pass up on re-signing their own quality players because a couple of them had a four-game suspension? Maybe if their production dips after coming back from the four-game suspension the Seahawks may not re-sign some of these players, but I don't think they HAVE to show they are serious about acquiring mature players. The Seahawks just have to show they can put a winning team together. All else will be forgiven.
6.I think now we know the free agent with the most pressure on him in September: Cliff Avril. With no Irvin on the field until Seattle's Oct. 6 game against the Colts, Avril will be Seattle's best pass-rush hope at Carolina, against San Francisco and Jacksonville at home, and at Houston.
Carolina and Jacksonville may not be very good next year, while the Seahawks are at home against the 49ers and the Texans have Derek Newton/Brennan Williams penciled in at right tackle on their depth chart right now. So much like how Peter tried to write off the Seahawks last year after Richard Sherman and Brandon Browner were suspended, Peter possibly shouldn't write off the Seahawks pass rush in mid-May.
7. I think -- no, I know --
Seriously Peter, stop---no, really, really stop---doing this. You can edit your document without interrupting yourself.
8. I think, Brandon Weeden, if you're worried about the Browns signing Brian Hoyer to compete for a quarterback job, you're not the guy for the job.
Weeden never said he was worried, Peter. In fact, there is a newspaper article with the heading, "Cleveland Browns QB Brandon Weeden 'surprised,' but not worried about Brian Hoyer signing." I can see how Peter would think Weeden was worried though with that ambiguous title. Plus, in the article Weeden confused the readers on whether he was worried or not with quotes like,
"It's part of this business and if you start worrying about it, that's too much to worry about. That's my mentality going forward."
Weeden said he hasn't been told what the Browns have in mind for Hoyer, 27, and that it's not his concern.
"I have no idea," Weeden said. "I'm worried about me."
Browns fans are worried about you too, Brandon.
He re-iterated what he said in March, that he feels he can beat out whomever the Browns put in his path.
So it sounds to the untrained eye, that eye being my eye, Weeden isn't and wasn't ever worried. I'm not an expert like Peter King though.
10. I think these are my non-football thoughts of the week:
d. Loved the series finale of The Office. (Don't say I didn't warn you if you've DVRed and haven't watched.)
Peter's enjoyment of the show is now considered a spoiler. I am sure there is probably zero people out there who can't watch an episode of "The Office" without first getting Peter's opinion on the show.
This from a guy who hasn't watched the show in the last two years because the attempts to replace Michael Scott turned it into schlock.
A trusted opinion is what we get from Peter King when discussing television shows. He may not watch all of "The Office," but that certainly doesn't prevent him giving an opinion on the show. Of course everyone knows the show wasn't the same without Steve Carell, so there's that too.
e. If I were tweeting, I'd write: The Office finale > Seinfeld finale.
Well I can rest easy knowing this information.
k. The New Orleans Pelicans: I love that nickname.
Peter King would love this nickname. It's a great nickname for a minor league baseball team.
l. The Charlotte Hornets: I don't get that nickname.
Said Peter King in 1988 when the Hornets started playing in Charlotte using this nickname. I wouldn't expect Peter to get the nickname though. It's not as catchy and doesn't immediately put the fear of God in a team like playing the "Pelicans." I would shudder at having to play any team with a mascot that has a large throat pouch.
o. Coffeenerdness: Rumor has it there's Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf going up in the neighborhood. I can feel the addiction to the vanilla latte coming.
But what if they have long lines and one time an employee at the Coffee Bean and Teal Leaf gets Peter's name wrong? What will happen is the wrath of Hell, brought by Peter King, will come down on the establishment.
The Adieu Haiku
Three-four, or four-three?
For Freeney, that's the question.
Hey dude: Just get sacks.
I don't know how he does it. Somehow "The Adieu Haiku" gets more pointless and boring every week. How do you regress from something that is already this pointless and boring?
Considering what a transcendent talent Tom Brady is, the career he's had, and that he turns 36 in 11 weeks, this statement he made to me over the weekend is significant: "Going into my 14th year, I have never had more confidence in how I am throwing the football. I've never felt better throwing the football."
Even without Wes Welker? How can Brady ever feel confident without Welker on his side? Isn't Brady's career supposed to turn to shit without Welker?
I'm waiting for the day a quarterback tells Peter King, "I feel like shit. My arm takes a longer time to recover now after I practice and I just don't feel good throwing the football."
It's almost like great quarterbacks are very confident people and put in the work to get better, no matter their age. The day a quarterback tells Peter how his skills have diminished, then I will be interested.
Were those shudders I just felt coming out of Orchard Park, Florham Park and South Florida?
You heard those shudders a decade ago when the Patriots started dominating the AFC East. At this point it is just business as usual for the rest of the AFC East. They try to beat the Patriots and hope for a season good enough to get a Wild Card spot.
Brady doesn't talk much in the offseason,
Especially since he trains in California away from the Patriots team. One more reason that Tom Brady isn't a true Patriot and why the Patriots can't win a Super Bowl. If Brady would just train with the team instead of starting the offseason in California then the Patriots could win the Super Bowl again.
Remember when it was a semi-big deal that Brady worked out in California last year (I think it was last year)? What happened to that?
Brady said, "Friendship and support from friends and family is so important to succeeding in life. We take friendship for granted.
This is a quote where Brady is clearly referring to Wes Welker. I'm surprised some Boston sportswriters haven't jumped all over this quote to make a big deal out of it. I can see Dan Shaughnessy immediately sitting down at his typewriter (you know he uses a typewriter and has an intern transcribe his column into the computer) and starts writing a column about how Tom Brady just said Wes Welker took his friendship for granted. Dan will do anything to stir up shit.
Good for him -- and while we're on the subject of good deeds in New England, here's another one: A 33-member contingent of current and former Patriots, and coaches and staff, got on buses from Foxboro Saturday morning for the 150-mile ride to Newtown, Conn., to hold a football clinic for the kids of Newtown. Owner Robert Kraft, defensive coordinator Matt Patricia, tight end Rob Gronkowski and captains Jerod Mayo, Devin McCourty and Matthew Slater were on hand. The coaches and players ran eight stations that 400 kids rotated through, while their parents watched from the stands. When one kid asked where Brady was, Kraft got him on the phone and passed it around to several kids so they could all say they talked to Brady. A good day, and a good bit of community service by the Patriots.
Have you ever noticed how plugged-in Peter King is to the Patriots' community service events? He's always writing about Matt Light's charity events and he always seems to have specific details about a charity event or community service the Patriots are involved in. I have nothing snarky to say, but just wonder how Peter is so plugged-in to the Patriots in this way. Does he just get himself more plugged-in to what the Patriots do for the community or does the team reach out to him I wonder?
"Tom House, pretty soon after the season, said basically, 'All right, Tommy. Get to work.' That's the one thing that helps me move forward. There's nothing we can do about losing the championship game to the Ravens. It sucks. You move on. But, with Tom, I think I've learned some things this offseason that are really going to help me.''
I said, "Be specific -- give me one thing, or two things you feel are going to help you this year.''
Damn, Peter. Back off Brady. If you quizzed every athlete like this you may actually be able to see through some of the bullshit you get fed at draft time or during the season.
"One thing,'' he said. He paused. "Well ... I hate to ... well done is better than well said. I'd rather not say. I want people to watch and see if they notice.
I bet Brady has changed his throwing motion and throws the ball sidearm to his receivers now. Defensive coordinators will never see that coming. A quarterback that throws passes sidearm and submarine style? It's the new Wildcat!
(Insert Tim Tebow throwing motion joke here)
The Patriots are 39-9 in the last three years, but they're not measured by the regular season. They haven't been in a long time. The measure comes in the postseason, and losses to the Jets, the Giants and the Ravens have ended their last three years in crushing ways. Brady's doing what he can to up the ante this offseason, apparently.
Well, he says he is doing things to up the ante. It's not obvious until the games actually start.
Is the defense doing the same? The receiver group? Belichick the drafter?
Call them up then, Peter. Find out what SPECIFICALLY DAMMIT they are doing to up the ante in this offseason. Then they will avoid the question and Peter will back down immediately and ask them about their latest community service event.
Without a franchise pass rusher or corner this season, the Patriots are likely to be as dependent on Brady as ever. Or more.
I'm sorry, so we know the Patriots don't have a franchise pass rusher or corner during the 2013 season? It's May and we know they lack both of these players? We may as well not even play the 2013 season.
How do you not feel sick for David Garrard?
Because he has achieved his financial and personal dream by being a starting quarterback in the NFL and he is only 35 years old?
Twenty months ago, a week before the 2011 season, Garrard was Jacksonville's starting quarterback. Out of the blue, two hours after he was introduced at the team's fan luncheon as the starter, then-coach Jack Del Rio called him in and cut him, preferring to go with rookie Blaine Gabbert.
Nine months ago, before the 2012 season in Miami, Garrard was leading in the quarterback derby with rookie Ryan Tannehill until the veteran QB needed arthroscopic knee surgery. Rather than wait for him to get well, Miami cut him, handing the job to Tannehill.
Last week, again looking like he had a good chance to be a starter, this time with the Jets, his balky knee kept ballooning after even slightly strenuous workouts. With a wife and three young children back home in Jacksonville, Garrard decided to stop fighting his physical shortcomings. He quit.
There are relative levels of feeling miserable for someone. In the realm of sports, I feel bad for Garrard. In the realm of life and every other realm I don't really feel that bad for him. I don't, and I won't, ever feel sick for him. Feeling sick for someone should be reserved for life-threatening diseases or decisions that have to be made.
"You a little heartbroken?'' I asked him Saturday.
GIVE ME ONE OR TWO SPECIFIC EXAMPLES OF HOW HEARTBROKEN YOU ARE!
But Garrard was an adult about it. "You always hear, 'Play 'til the wheels fall off,' '' he said. "Not me. I've got a wife and three beautiful kids who rely on me. I want to be there for them, and as healthy as I can be. I knew if I kept trying to play, it wouldn't end well. I knew it was going to come to an end sometime -- now is just earlier than I thought. But it's tough.''
My God, some perspective. Who invited David Garrard to speak in this week's MMQB? Perspective is usually not allowed in these parts of the Internet. Peter likes to say he is "sick" for an athlete who retired early and then get all high-and-mighty about gun control by using the same language to describe the latest gun-related tragedy. No perspective is allowed.
Other than the obvious, Garrard has one other regret. He said, unlike the perception from last August in Miami, he didn't injure himself at the pool with his kids. He said he was struggling with his knee during Dolphins training camp, and his needing arthroscopic surgery -- which caused the Dolphins to cut him -- was from normal wear and tear of training camp, exacerbated by a pivot on the deck of the pool.
Because injuring yourself while playing with your children is one of the most non-noble ways of incurring an injury? "Sorry kids, go play with the nanny. Daddy can't play with you because he wouldn't want to get hurt playing in the pool with you. Getting hurt in practice, that's perfectly acceptable, but if I get hurt playing with you in the pool then that just makes me an asshole."
This year, Garrard said his knee -- which was already missing much of its cartilage, causing bone-on-bone friction -- just never felt right. "I couldn't jog most days,'' he said. "I could barely walk around without it hurting. And we weren't even in the strenuous part of camp yet. I figured, 'No way I can just take every fourth day off.' I went to see Rex [Ryan], and I just told him I didn't think I could do it. He didn't want to hear it. But I just told him what the doctor said -- it's only going to get worse. And that was it.''
How can you feel sick for Garrard? He's being very reasonable about his injury. There are things in life people should and should not feel "sick" for other people about, and I'm struggling to see this as one of those situations. Garrard is 35 years old remember, so it isn't like his career was cut off in its prime. Peter just acted shocked that Tom Brady, another 35 year old quarterback, said he was throwing the ball better than he ever had in his career. So it's not like it is unheard for a 35 year old athlete to have injuries or be forced to retire.
Now it's Sanchez and Smith, perhaps with an interesting summer tutor. That's not the summer job David Garrard had in mind.
Remember after the draft when Peter wrote that he didn't see why the Jets didn't release Mark Sanchez immediately? I think we are seeing now why that would have been a hasty and dumb decision. Not that Peter would ever acknowledge this of course.
I thought all along that Freeney was a reasonably priced gem in this year's free-agent crop. To get a player with his pedigree and experience for $4.4 million a year, and limited guarantees, is very good replacement value for San Diego. I'm already looking forward to Weeks 10 and 15, when Freeney will be chasing fellow AFC South transplant Peyton Manning in San Diego-Denver games.
If Freeney actually ends up chasing Peyton Manning around the field in those games then Manning is fucked. I'm not sure there is a less mobile quarterback in the NFL than Manning (not that it matters when it comes to his ability to play quarterback of course), but Freeney better be rushing Manning and not chasing him. The chasing part wouldn't end well for Manning.
"You will never see me. Somebody else might do some things, but not me. I text, though. I got to the point where I can text, I can call and do those things. So I'm getting pretty good. I really don't want anyone to know what I'm doing. I really don't think what I'm doing is that important. People don't have to know what I'm doing. It's no one's business but mine.''
-- Mike Ditka, on why he will not use Twitter, to the Chicago Sun-Times.
This is today's entry in the category of "Old People Who Proudly Refuse to Use Technology." Mike Ditka doesn't want people to know what he is doing and doesn't consider what he is doing important, but of course, he does want us to listen to his opinion and think that his opinion is important when he is on ESPN's NFL pregame show. He's not important in his own mind until he starts to talk about football. Then he's just a wealth of knowledge.
Jets fans, don't despair. I know you had your hearts set on a healthy David Garrard to be the bridge between 2013 and Geno Smith taking over the job in 2014. But this is the year -- or at least the summer -- of Mark Sanchez. It's doubtful Smith will do enough to win the Jets' starting job before camp breaks in August. Comparing what might have been (the last two years of Garrard, playing for the Jaguars in 2009 and 2010) to what Sanchez produced in his last two years for the Jets:
|
"Never fear Jets fans! You were fucked with David Garrard as your starting quarterback anyway."
That seems to be the point Peter wants to prove here. There are a couple issues with this comparison. Actually more than couple:
1. Garrard wasn't 35 when he put up those numbers. He has not started regularly in two seasons, so he put those numbers up as a 31 and 32 year old quarterback.
2. The win-loss numbers have to take into account the team around these two quarterbacks.
3. Not only is Garrard's TD/INT differential much better than Sanchez's, but Sanchez threw 100 more passes over the two seasons and still had fewer yards per game than Garrard.
4. Seriously, this is supposed to make Jets fans feel better? How?
The Atlanta Falcons do not have a John or George or David or Chris or Daniel or Mark -- six of the 20 most common male names in the United States, according to the 2000 Census -- on their current 90-man roster.
2000 was 13 years ago. Isn't there more up-to-date data Peter could have used? Maybe use the Google machine to look up "2012 popular male baby names" or even "2013 popular male baby names."
They do, however, have players with these first names: Malliciah, Kroy, Shann, Kemal, Joplo, Stansly, Micanor, Saeed, Terren, Levine, Jacquizz, Roddy and Peria.
They don't have a Phillip or a Keith, but they have a Phillipkeith.
Peter is infatuated with pointing out funny names that football players have. Many of these players are minorities, so Peter is basically (yet again) marveling at how minorities name their children funny names. He's the very picture of an upper class white person. I can see him wearing a sweater over a long-sleeve shirt with loafers sipping a independent beer outside of a bar that charges $8 per beer.
Mr. Starwood Preferred Member Travel Note of the Week
Best thing about living in Manhattan: walking.
Best thing about being any human with two working legs: walking.
I was in a hurry twice in the past week.
Do tell both stories extremely in-depth. We need to hear these stories about you walking. God knows I haven't heard tell of these stories about how a person can walk somewhere.
The first time, I was rushing from my East Side apartment to the SI offices in midtown. It's a walk of about 17 minutes. I didn't have 17 minutes. Midday. Jumped in a cab.
Peter begins a story about walking by jumping into a cab. I think he is confused about exactly what it is that "walking" truly is. Maybe he thinks the act of watching other people walk means he is actually doing the walking himself. I'm starting to think these charity races he runs in just consist of Peter circling the track in a golf cart as those people who are actually running look at him in disbelief.
Big bottleneck at 51st and Lexington ahead. Inched forward through two, three four light changes. Paid the guy. Got out and walked. Aaaargh.
This is how important Peter believes that he is. He just told us a story about he got stuck in traffic and then had to walk to the SI offices. We are supposed to be interested by this.
The second time, I was late getting home from the office. About 5:15 p.m. and Avenue of the Americas (you might know it as Sixth Avenue) was a parking lot.
Wait, hold on a second. 5:15pm is LATE getting home from the office? Next time we hear Peter bitch about his travel schedule and the major inconveniences the life he has chosen causes him, let's all remember 5:15pm is LATE for him to be getting home from the office.
I knew I wouldn't save time in a cab. Walked again.
That's the story. Peter was late getting home, knew he wouldn't save time in a cab, so he walked. That's it. Story over.
I like walking. It's just that, when you're in a hurry in New York, it doesn't matter. Everything above ground is in quicksand.
Now imagine, and I don't want to scare you too much Peter, that you are late getting home and you can't walk home. Walking is great, so what do you do? Give us the answer, with SPECIFIC EXAMPLES of the steps you would take on how to make walking great next week in MMQB.
"Sad to see The Office go and while the cast is spectacular, it hasn't been the same without Michael Scott. Like Curb without Larry David."
-- @RaysJoeMaddon, the Tampa Bay manager, showing his depth of TV education.
Even those who didn't watch "The Office" knew it wasn't the same show without Steve Carell. But no, Joe Maddon is a genius.
Love how Maddon can multitask. He can figure a way to survive with David Price on the DL at the same time as watching the last episode of The Office.
Again, it really shouldn't be that hard to watch television while also using the great organizational pitching depth the Rays have to cover for Price's spot in the rotation over the next few weeks. The Rays are deep in terms of starting pitching.
Ten Things I Think I Think
1.I think I'd be surprised if when the 50th and 51st Super Bowls are announced in Boston on Tuesday, the sites chosen are not Santa Clara and Houston, in that order.
Let's also remember Peter was probably a little surprised the Jets didn't immediately cut Mark Sanchez after drafting Geno Smith and Peter also thought Joe Flacco wasn't going to be re-signed by the Ravens. These cities very well may be the Super Bowl sites, but what surprises Peter probably doesn't surprise others.
3. I think the early returns on Sean Payton's enthusiasm and verve for the New Orleans Saints job are extremely positive. He's Mr. Positive, from what I hear, instead of Mr. Bitter.
I can't figure out why Payton would be bitter, but I guess Peter really wants to go out of his way to compliment Sean Payton for having a good attitude after being punished for something he did. Good job, Sean Payton. You presided over a team that put bounties on opposing players and you aren't bitter about getting caught! Peter is impressed with you. What a man of great virtue you have become.
5. I think the Seahawks' six suspensions for positive tests in the last two calendar years -- only five players were sanctioned, because Richard Sherman's ban last year was thrown out due to chain-of-custody issues -- will make the 2014 free-agent period and draft very interesting for Seahawks GM John Schneider and coach Pete Carroll.
Hey, it's the NFC West, they sign and draft players other teams may not. That's what Peter tells us. So why would they care if a few players got suspended?
They'll almost have to draft and pursue Eagle Scouts because of all the recent violations; Seattle will have to show it's serious about acquiring disciplined and mature players.
Why would the Seahawks have to do that? This isn't Boy Scouts, it's football. So is Peter really telling us that the Seahawks are going to pass up on quality football players in free agency or pass up on re-signing their own quality players because a couple of them had a four-game suspension? Maybe if their production dips after coming back from the four-game suspension the Seahawks may not re-sign some of these players, but I don't think they HAVE to show they are serious about acquiring mature players. The Seahawks just have to show they can put a winning team together. All else will be forgiven.
6.I think now we know the free agent with the most pressure on him in September: Cliff Avril. With no Irvin on the field until Seattle's Oct. 6 game against the Colts, Avril will be Seattle's best pass-rush hope at Carolina, against San Francisco and Jacksonville at home, and at Houston.
Carolina and Jacksonville may not be very good next year, while the Seahawks are at home against the 49ers and the Texans have Derek Newton/Brennan Williams penciled in at right tackle on their depth chart right now. So much like how Peter tried to write off the Seahawks last year after Richard Sherman and Brandon Browner were suspended, Peter possibly shouldn't write off the Seahawks pass rush in mid-May.
7. I think -- no, I know --
Seriously Peter, stop---no, really, really stop---doing this. You can edit your document without interrupting yourself.
8. I think, Brandon Weeden, if you're worried about the Browns signing Brian Hoyer to compete for a quarterback job, you're not the guy for the job.
Weeden never said he was worried, Peter. In fact, there is a newspaper article with the heading, "Cleveland Browns QB Brandon Weeden 'surprised,' but not worried about Brian Hoyer signing." I can see how Peter would think Weeden was worried though with that ambiguous title. Plus, in the article Weeden confused the readers on whether he was worried or not with quotes like,
"It's part of this business and if you start worrying about it, that's too much to worry about. That's my mentality going forward."
Weeden said he hasn't been told what the Browns have in mind for Hoyer, 27, and that it's not his concern.
"I have no idea," Weeden said. "I'm worried about me."
Browns fans are worried about you too, Brandon.
He re-iterated what he said in March, that he feels he can beat out whomever the Browns put in his path.
So it sounds to the untrained eye, that eye being my eye, Weeden isn't and wasn't ever worried. I'm not an expert like Peter King though.
10. I think these are my non-football thoughts of the week:
d. Loved the series finale of The Office. (Don't say I didn't warn you if you've DVRed and haven't watched.)
Peter's enjoyment of the show is now considered a spoiler. I am sure there is probably zero people out there who can't watch an episode of "The Office" without first getting Peter's opinion on the show.
This from a guy who hasn't watched the show in the last two years because the attempts to replace Michael Scott turned it into schlock.
A trusted opinion is what we get from Peter King when discussing television shows. He may not watch all of "The Office," but that certainly doesn't prevent him giving an opinion on the show. Of course everyone knows the show wasn't the same without Steve Carell, so there's that too.
e. If I were tweeting, I'd write: The Office finale > Seinfeld finale.
Well I can rest easy knowing this information.
k. The New Orleans Pelicans: I love that nickname.
Peter King would love this nickname. It's a great nickname for a minor league baseball team.
l. The Charlotte Hornets: I don't get that nickname.
Said Peter King in 1988 when the Hornets started playing in Charlotte using this nickname. I wouldn't expect Peter to get the nickname though. It's not as catchy and doesn't immediately put the fear of God in a team like playing the "Pelicans." I would shudder at having to play any team with a mascot that has a large throat pouch.
o. Coffeenerdness: Rumor has it there's Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf going up in the neighborhood. I can feel the addiction to the vanilla latte coming.
But what if they have long lines and one time an employee at the Coffee Bean and Teal Leaf gets Peter's name wrong? What will happen is the wrath of Hell, brought by Peter King, will come down on the establishment.
The Adieu Haiku
Three-four, or four-three?
For Freeney, that's the question.
Hey dude: Just get sacks.
I don't know how he does it. Somehow "The Adieu Haiku" gets more pointless and boring every week. How do you regress from something that is already this pointless and boring?
Monday, August 3, 2009
19 comments MMQB Review: Peter Goes Camping
It took a little longer than usual for Peter to post his MMQB this week, it almost turned into the Mid-Morning Quarterback, but fortunately he did it get posted. I really don't have all day to wait on the King of Minor Complaints to post his MMQB so I am glad he finally posted it. The topics he discusses will absolutely shock and awe you. The title says, "Peter King discusses Brett Favre, Jim Johnson, Ed Reed..." so you know it's going to be that kind of party for Peter.
Let's dive right in and see what inane observations are on Peter's mind.
Tuesday, 10:50 p.m. (Bills camp, Pittsford, N.Y.)Strange day. Sad day. Brett Favre surprises the football world by saying he's not playing for the Vikings, and in the same hour, word comes down that one of the great defensive minds in football history, former Eagles defensive coordinator Jim Johnson, has died from melanoma.
Ok, ok, everyone Peter has mentioned the fact Jim Johnson died. He mentioned it, it happened and it's over now. Now let's get to the juicy stuff and start talking about Brett Favre!
Remember this statement?
That's why I give up. Don't ask me anymore what I think about Favre, whether I think he's going to play or whether I think he's going to mow the grass for the rest of his life.
That's from one of Peter's three articles he wrote on Brett Favre last week during the period of Wednesday-Thursday. I said we won't ask Peter about him if he never, ever mentions his damn name again...and Peter couldn't go a week without mentioning him.
Look, the guy is retired. He is NOT an active NFL player, so let's quit discussing him now. I feel like one of Peter's editors should prohibit him from mentioning Favre.
my cell rang. It was Favre, saying he just didn't trust his body to make it through 16 games, not given the way it felt after he worked it hard the past few weeks, getting it ready for the Vikings' grind. And he was pretty sure this was the end, but come midseason, if some team calls, who knows?
If there is anyone not tired of Brett Favre at this point? Or not tired of his constant bullshit? If so, please tell me why because I would love to discuss this issue with you.
Again, Peter casually mentions that Jim Johnson died and then goes into a long story on Brett Favre. The man is obsessed with Brett Favre.
I asked him about the toll this had taken on his reputation. "Two years ago you were 'Sportsman of the Year' and an American folk hero,''
No, he wasn't. Don't continue to make him bigger than he was. He had a good year and threatened to retire so the media, who adores Brett Favre more than they adore their immediate families, gave him an "honor." That's what happened, let's not get too excited over the "Sportsman of the Year " award.
"Now there are kids and adults who are sick of you, who don't love you anymore. How does it feel?'' "Well, then they really didn't love me in the first place,'' he said. "Whatever. Nothing I can do about it.
I am not a violent person but I am almost at the point where I want someone to stuff a gasoline soaked cloth in Brett Favre's mouth and threaten to light it on fire if he opens his big mouth again. Shut up, shut up, shut up...a thousand times shut up and quit playing the victim and shut the hell up, go mow some grass, hang out with your wife, maybe throw some footballs to high school kids, and never talk to the media again. Shut up...
He can act like such a pussy. He acts like someone made him do all this or the world is turning on him in some fashion. Read his pathetic ass quote again and tell me that is not how it sounds...
Nothing. It wasn't about getting back at [Green Bay GM] Ted Thompson. How much more clear can I make it?''
Oh yeah, and quit lying.
Thursday, 3:45 p.m. (Redskins camp, Ashburn, Va.) Defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth looks very big and very happy after his first practice day in camp with the Redskins.
"Very big?" I know he is a big guy but that can be taken another way as well. He could also be fat. Traditionally some defensive tackles have motivation problems when they are given a big contract, that's why I questioned Haynesworth's contract.
He's moving well and looks in great shape. You know the whispers about Haynesworth -- now that he has the big money, Washington will never get the same value out of him that Tennessee got over the past two years, contract years.
Would Peter King ever write something negative? It's all puff pieces for him. I am not whispering this, I am yelling that I don't believe the Redskins will get the same value out of him as Tennessee got.
"The contract puts ZERO pressure on me. I put pressure on myself. My challenge is to be the best defensive tackle in a great division.''
He wants to be the best defensive tackle in the division! How motivating to hear a guy getting paid $12 million per year for the next four years wants to be the best DT in one of six divisions.
This is what makes me think this was a bad signing. Why can't Haynesworth want to be the best overall?
He tells me someone's reporting that Mike Vick just worked out for the Patriots at 3 o'clock this afternoon in Foxboro. Immediately, I get a remember-where-you-heard-the-Vick-news-first text from Sal Paolantonio, who told the crowd at the Dr. Z benefit back in May that he thought the Patriots would be a major player for Vick. I'd been saying the Patriots were my best-guess landing spot for Vick too.
So basically Sal Paolantonio said back in May that Vick would go to New England and Peter King has been saying the same thing in his MMQB every week, except passing that guess off as his own and never crediting Sal Paolantonio. It appears here the only reason Peter had been saying it is because he heard it from Sal first in May. Peter could have at least acknowledged at some point he heard it from Sal Paolantonio first, but he didn't...even if it ended up being wrong.
It just seems like good journalistic etiquette to say you agree with a comment another reporter made and not try to pass it off as an original thought.
So I decide to throw a couple of Tweets up, the first at 4:59 saying Vick wasn't in Foxboro, and the second that the Pats don't want Vick and like O'Connell. Sure enough, at 5:01 p.m., Adam Schefter Tweeted that Vick wasn't in New England either. It's a crazy media world.
All while driving a car on a highway...
Friday, 4:45 p.m. (Somewhere near Gettysburg, Pa.) Tucker rides shotgun and fires up Twitter, profootballtalk.com and whatever other news ports he has on his BlackBerry.
Watch out great people near Gettysburg, Pa for Peter King! Ignore that car driving in two lanes with doughnuts and coffee flying out the window and a Red Sox pennant flying in the back left passenger window, that's just Peter King using his phone to Tweet and driving at the same time to report breaking NFL news. It's about the Patriots and Mike Vick, it's way more important right now than your or your family's life.
"If Jim knew we were all talking about him like this, he'd be chewing us all out, and I can guarantee you that,'' said Eagles coach Andy Reid. "Jim was all about the game. He was, to us, what we all wanted to be as coaches. No ego. Great teacher. Always open to new ideas. A strategist.
Oh, we are going to talk about the fact Jim Johnson died now? I criticize Peter King fairly often for his propensity for focusing on the Northeast part of the United States and their football teams, but I have found it inexcusable he has not written more about Jim Johnson and focused on Brett Favre so much. Johnson died and got no mention from Peter, except on his Twitter in the form of 90 words on Brad Childress' reaction.
When there is real news coming from a Northeast United States team it needs to be reported, and I count the death of the defensive coordinator of a team that went to 5 NFC Championship games in the 2000's as "real news."
Peter doesn't even really discuss Johnson, he just let others discuss him...but I am sure we will get his opinion on Brett Favre every week until the season starts.
That's the first time I celebrated with pure emotion in a long time,'' said Hobbs. "In New England, they believe in keeping your emotions down. It zaps the life out of you. I remember standing on the sidelines in my first playoff game, home against Jacksonville, and getting all excited and I'm jumping around, and I feel this touch on my shoulders. I was told, 'Calm down.' I'm thinking, 'Wow, my first playoff game. Let's enjoy it.' But that's not the way it's done there.''
Who was the touch from you ask? Jesus. He is a Patriots fan.
Oh and Ellis Hobbs? You should never say anything negative about the Patriots. It makes Jesus cry and Bill Belichick very angry.
For the first time, I've had a traveling companion for the training-camp trip.
A picture on the dashboard of you and Brett Favre in a loving embrace?
It's Ross Tucker, who played seven years on the offensive line in the NFL.
"Played" may be overstating it just a bit, but he was on the team.
And I am only counting 5 years he was in the league...maybe practice squad years count in Peter's book.
We walked into the home-plate concourse as Pedro was finishing his warmups. Ninety seconds later, on his second pitch of the night, Pedro gave up a long homer to right. (Five innings, 84 pitches, none faster than 91. Lots of 86-mph fastballs and 71-mph changes. He's going to have to get by in this reincarnation on guile, and guile alone.)
I've been trying to tell Phillies fans this and they won't listen to me.
"Excuse me,'' said Tucker, who is pleasant and absolutely not shy. "What kind of ice cream is that?''
Only in Peter King's world will a hot dog eating contest be offensive to those in Africa without food but it makes sense for his friend to try and steal food from a complete stranger at a baseball game where most people had to pay for their tickets, except Peter King and his friend. Why do wealthy people get all kinds of free stuff?
Using locally grown ears of white-yellow Sweet Corn from Nazareth, Pa. (Get it? Nazareth? Bethlehem?),
No Peter, we don't freaking get it. Explain it to us all.
Why does it take Peter 50 years to figure out something a 10 year is able to figure out when they drive through Nazareth and Bethlehem, Pa? He is so shocked by obvious and small little things. It should be child-like wonder, but instead it is just annoying because he thinks we are all as stupid as he is.
That's a pretty good Friday night in Allentown, Pa.
Allentown? Get it? Like the Billy Joel song!
I bet Peter thinks they named the city after the Billy Joel song...
a. Ray Rice made the best offensive play I saw all week. Circling out of the backfield into the right flat, he reached for a Joe Flacco pass thrown high and caught it one-handed, with the nose of the lasered ball nestling against the palm of his right glove.
Yes Ravens fans, Joe Flacco is overthrowing running backs in the flat. Get ready for another super duper year of quarterbacking in Baltimore.
c. Ravens' practice was more intense than Buffalo's or Washington's.
That's because of Ray Lewis. He will stab, I mean chide greatly, a motherfucker if they don't come with some energy.
j. NFL quiz: Who's the only player in the league who has played professional football since he was a teenager? Answer below, in number 10.
Brett Favre? Sorry, that is probably not correct, but Peter hasn't mentioned him in a while and it just seemed like it was time for another mention.
d. Assuming that Brian Dawkins, Champ Bailey, Renaldo Hill and Andre' Goodman make it to opening week without injury, Denver will have the oldest starting secondary of any team in this decade.
OMG! They have the youngest coach in the league too! What a wonderful and brilliant observation by Football Outsiders I am going to run, not walk, to my computer to buy this book. Should I do that Peter?
I am a huge fan of their book every year, and some of the nuggets Aaron Schatz and company have unearthed this year are going to make you run, not walk, to your computer to order this year's edition.
Sometimes I enjoy writing MMQB too much.
6. I think this is the second or third year in a row where People Who Know say the Houston Texans are going to be the team to make the big jump to the playoffs. I'm not sold. But what would really encourage me about this team is what's going on with running back Steve Slaton.
Here's your big story Peter promised you Texans fans. Buried on Page 5 on the 6th thing that Peter thinks. Don't say he never covers your team EVER again!
You know what, it was so boring, I didn't even bother making fun of it. All he said was that Matt Schaub expects Steve Slaton to play well this year. I hope you enjoyed your time in the sun Texans fans.
7. I think this is my favorite Matt Schaub stat of the week: Over the past two years, Schaub has completed 66.3 percent of his throws, Peyton Manning 66.2.
Wow, and passing percentage is a statistic that completely determines whether a quarterback is good or not.
a. David Ortiz. Yes, 2004 and 2007 are tainted, but my problem in making judgments is I have no idea how many of the 104 players who tested positive in 2003 play for the teams Boston beat in the playoffs in those years.
Oh yes, it is the wonderful, "sure our players were cheating but everyone else was also, but so I don't think we should pass judgment quite yet argument." Sadly, in baseball it sort of works. Still, I don't approve when Peter makes this argument.
b. Some guy named Reddick hit a homer for the Red Sox Sunday. Never heard of him. Go away for a week and the world gets weird.
Peter is so out of touch with baseball, I think it may have taken him a second to figure out why a guy named "Bay" is playing for the Red Sox. I think this is more of an example of how little Peter actually pays attention to the game of baseball.
c. I agree with Bill Simmons. This is just a star-crossed year, a year that just doesn't feel right, for the Sox.
Maybe it's a steroid curse! Quick Dan Shaughnessy, write a book in order to profit from it!
Whatever, I still have the Cubs and the Red Sox in the World Series (that was my preseason pick and I have to stick with it), that was my preseason prediction, so quit all this "woe is us, it just doesn't feel right" crap, so when things start falling into place you can make a big deal out of it.
d. Coffeenerdness: Can't believe I'm praising Sheetz Coffee, but the dark roast there would give the Starbucks Sumatra a good run. It fueled me on two of these long jaunts last week.
Why can't Peter believe he is praising Sheetz coffee? Is gas station coffee not elitist and white enough for him?
Happy Monday everyone. I think the best thing I saw this weekend was Joe Torre bringing in Juan Pierre as a defensive replacement for Manny Ramirez. When Juan "noodle arm" Pierre is a defensive replacement that doesn't say much for outfield defensive depth. Seriously, I have seen women with a better arm than him...and we all know how this blog feels about women in baseball.
Let's dive right in and see what inane observations are on Peter's mind.
Tuesday, 10:50 p.m. (Bills camp, Pittsford, N.Y.)Strange day. Sad day. Brett Favre surprises the football world by saying he's not playing for the Vikings, and in the same hour, word comes down that one of the great defensive minds in football history, former Eagles defensive coordinator Jim Johnson, has died from melanoma.
Ok, ok, everyone Peter has mentioned the fact Jim Johnson died. He mentioned it, it happened and it's over now. Now let's get to the juicy stuff and start talking about Brett Favre!
Remember this statement?
That's why I give up. Don't ask me anymore what I think about Favre, whether I think he's going to play or whether I think he's going to mow the grass for the rest of his life.
That's from one of Peter's three articles he wrote on Brett Favre last week during the period of Wednesday-Thursday. I said we won't ask Peter about him if he never, ever mentions his damn name again...and Peter couldn't go a week without mentioning him.
Look, the guy is retired. He is NOT an active NFL player, so let's quit discussing him now. I feel like one of Peter's editors should prohibit him from mentioning Favre.
my cell rang. It was Favre, saying he just didn't trust his body to make it through 16 games, not given the way it felt after he worked it hard the past few weeks, getting it ready for the Vikings' grind. And he was pretty sure this was the end, but come midseason, if some team calls, who knows?
If there is anyone not tired of Brett Favre at this point? Or not tired of his constant bullshit? If so, please tell me why because I would love to discuss this issue with you.
Again, Peter casually mentions that Jim Johnson died and then goes into a long story on Brett Favre. The man is obsessed with Brett Favre.
I asked him about the toll this had taken on his reputation. "Two years ago you were 'Sportsman of the Year' and an American folk hero,''
No, he wasn't. Don't continue to make him bigger than he was. He had a good year and threatened to retire so the media, who adores Brett Favre more than they adore their immediate families, gave him an "honor." That's what happened, let's not get too excited over the "Sportsman of the Year " award.
"Now there are kids and adults who are sick of you, who don't love you anymore. How does it feel?'' "Well, then they really didn't love me in the first place,'' he said. "Whatever. Nothing I can do about it.
I am not a violent person but I am almost at the point where I want someone to stuff a gasoline soaked cloth in Brett Favre's mouth and threaten to light it on fire if he opens his big mouth again. Shut up, shut up, shut up...a thousand times shut up and quit playing the victim and shut the hell up, go mow some grass, hang out with your wife, maybe throw some footballs to high school kids, and never talk to the media again. Shut up...
He can act like such a pussy. He acts like someone made him do all this or the world is turning on him in some fashion. Read his pathetic ass quote again and tell me that is not how it sounds...
Nothing. It wasn't about getting back at [Green Bay GM] Ted Thompson. How much more clear can I make it?''
Oh yeah, and quit lying.
Thursday, 3:45 p.m. (Redskins camp, Ashburn, Va.) Defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth looks very big and very happy after his first practice day in camp with the Redskins.
"Very big?" I know he is a big guy but that can be taken another way as well. He could also be fat. Traditionally some defensive tackles have motivation problems when they are given a big contract, that's why I questioned Haynesworth's contract.
He's moving well and looks in great shape. You know the whispers about Haynesworth -- now that he has the big money, Washington will never get the same value out of him that Tennessee got over the past two years, contract years.
Would Peter King ever write something negative? It's all puff pieces for him. I am not whispering this, I am yelling that I don't believe the Redskins will get the same value out of him as Tennessee got.
"The contract puts ZERO pressure on me. I put pressure on myself. My challenge is to be the best defensive tackle in a great division.''
He wants to be the best defensive tackle in the division! How motivating to hear a guy getting paid $12 million per year for the next four years wants to be the best DT in one of six divisions.
This is what makes me think this was a bad signing. Why can't Haynesworth want to be the best overall?
He tells me someone's reporting that Mike Vick just worked out for the Patriots at 3 o'clock this afternoon in Foxboro. Immediately, I get a remember-where-you-heard-the-Vick-news-first text from Sal Paolantonio, who told the crowd at the Dr. Z benefit back in May that he thought the Patriots would be a major player for Vick. I'd been saying the Patriots were my best-guess landing spot for Vick too.
So basically Sal Paolantonio said back in May that Vick would go to New England and Peter King has been saying the same thing in his MMQB every week, except passing that guess off as his own and never crediting Sal Paolantonio. It appears here the only reason Peter had been saying it is because he heard it from Sal first in May. Peter could have at least acknowledged at some point he heard it from Sal Paolantonio first, but he didn't...even if it ended up being wrong.
It just seems like good journalistic etiquette to say you agree with a comment another reporter made and not try to pass it off as an original thought.
So I decide to throw a couple of Tweets up, the first at 4:59 saying Vick wasn't in Foxboro, and the second that the Pats don't want Vick and like O'Connell. Sure enough, at 5:01 p.m., Adam Schefter Tweeted that Vick wasn't in New England either. It's a crazy media world.
All while driving a car on a highway...
Friday, 4:45 p.m. (Somewhere near Gettysburg, Pa.) Tucker rides shotgun and fires up Twitter, profootballtalk.com and whatever other news ports he has on his BlackBerry.
Watch out great people near Gettysburg, Pa for Peter King! Ignore that car driving in two lanes with doughnuts and coffee flying out the window and a Red Sox pennant flying in the back left passenger window, that's just Peter King using his phone to Tweet and driving at the same time to report breaking NFL news. It's about the Patriots and Mike Vick, it's way more important right now than your or your family's life.
"If Jim knew we were all talking about him like this, he'd be chewing us all out, and I can guarantee you that,'' said Eagles coach Andy Reid. "Jim was all about the game. He was, to us, what we all wanted to be as coaches. No ego. Great teacher. Always open to new ideas. A strategist.
Oh, we are going to talk about the fact Jim Johnson died now? I criticize Peter King fairly often for his propensity for focusing on the Northeast part of the United States and their football teams, but I have found it inexcusable he has not written more about Jim Johnson and focused on Brett Favre so much. Johnson died and got no mention from Peter, except on his Twitter in the form of 90 words on Brad Childress' reaction.
When there is real news coming from a Northeast United States team it needs to be reported, and I count the death of the defensive coordinator of a team that went to 5 NFC Championship games in the 2000's as "real news."
Peter doesn't even really discuss Johnson, he just let others discuss him...but I am sure we will get his opinion on Brett Favre every week until the season starts.
That's the first time I celebrated with pure emotion in a long time,'' said Hobbs. "In New England, they believe in keeping your emotions down. It zaps the life out of you. I remember standing on the sidelines in my first playoff game, home against Jacksonville, and getting all excited and I'm jumping around, and I feel this touch on my shoulders. I was told, 'Calm down.' I'm thinking, 'Wow, my first playoff game. Let's enjoy it.' But that's not the way it's done there.''
Who was the touch from you ask? Jesus. He is a Patriots fan.
Oh and Ellis Hobbs? You should never say anything negative about the Patriots. It makes Jesus cry and Bill Belichick very angry.
For the first time, I've had a traveling companion for the training-camp trip.
A picture on the dashboard of you and Brett Favre in a loving embrace?
It's Ross Tucker, who played seven years on the offensive line in the NFL.
"Played" may be overstating it just a bit, but he was on the team.
And I am only counting 5 years he was in the league...maybe practice squad years count in Peter's book.
We walked into the home-plate concourse as Pedro was finishing his warmups. Ninety seconds later, on his second pitch of the night, Pedro gave up a long homer to right. (Five innings, 84 pitches, none faster than 91. Lots of 86-mph fastballs and 71-mph changes. He's going to have to get by in this reincarnation on guile, and guile alone.)
I've been trying to tell Phillies fans this and they won't listen to me.
"Excuse me,'' said Tucker, who is pleasant and absolutely not shy. "What kind of ice cream is that?''
"Moose tracks,'' she said.
"It looks fantastic!'' he said. "Can I have a bite?''
"No,'' she said. "You'll have to get your own.''
That's kind of an asshole-ly thing to do. Ross Tucker has plenty of money, spend some of it and get your own damn ice cream. Don't try to mooch off some woman after you have gotten free tickets to a minor league baseball game.Only in Peter King's world will a hot dog eating contest be offensive to those in Africa without food but it makes sense for his friend to try and steal food from a complete stranger at a baseball game where most people had to pay for their tickets, except Peter King and his friend. Why do wealthy people get all kinds of free stuff?
Using locally grown ears of white-yellow Sweet Corn from Nazareth, Pa. (Get it? Nazareth? Bethlehem?),
No Peter, we don't freaking get it. Explain it to us all.
Why does it take Peter 50 years to figure out something a 10 year is able to figure out when they drive through Nazareth and Bethlehem, Pa? He is so shocked by obvious and small little things. It should be child-like wonder, but instead it is just annoying because he thinks we are all as stupid as he is.
That's a pretty good Friday night in Allentown, Pa.
Allentown? Get it? Like the Billy Joel song!
I bet Peter thinks they named the city after the Billy Joel song...
a. Ray Rice made the best offensive play I saw all week. Circling out of the backfield into the right flat, he reached for a Joe Flacco pass thrown high and caught it one-handed, with the nose of the lasered ball nestling against the palm of his right glove.
Yes Ravens fans, Joe Flacco is overthrowing running backs in the flat. Get ready for another super duper year of quarterbacking in Baltimore.
c. Ravens' practice was more intense than Buffalo's or Washington's.
That's because of Ray Lewis. He will stab, I mean chide greatly, a motherfucker if they don't come with some energy.
j. NFL quiz: Who's the only player in the league who has played professional football since he was a teenager? Answer below, in number 10.
Brett Favre? Sorry, that is probably not correct, but Peter hasn't mentioned him in a while and it just seemed like it was time for another mention.
d. Assuming that Brian Dawkins, Champ Bailey, Renaldo Hill and Andre' Goodman make it to opening week without injury, Denver will have the oldest starting secondary of any team in this decade.
OMG! They have the youngest coach in the league too! What a wonderful and brilliant observation by Football Outsiders I am going to run, not walk, to my computer to buy this book. Should I do that Peter?
I am a huge fan of their book every year, and some of the nuggets Aaron Schatz and company have unearthed this year are going to make you run, not walk, to your computer to order this year's edition.
Sometimes I enjoy writing MMQB too much.
6. I think this is the second or third year in a row where People Who Know say the Houston Texans are going to be the team to make the big jump to the playoffs. I'm not sold. But what would really encourage me about this team is what's going on with running back Steve Slaton.
Here's your big story Peter promised you Texans fans. Buried on Page 5 on the 6th thing that Peter thinks. Don't say he never covers your team EVER again!
You know what, it was so boring, I didn't even bother making fun of it. All he said was that Matt Schaub expects Steve Slaton to play well this year. I hope you enjoyed your time in the sun Texans fans.
7. I think this is my favorite Matt Schaub stat of the week: Over the past two years, Schaub has completed 66.3 percent of his throws, Peyton Manning 66.2.
Wow, and passing percentage is a statistic that completely determines whether a quarterback is good or not.
a. David Ortiz. Yes, 2004 and 2007 are tainted, but my problem in making judgments is I have no idea how many of the 104 players who tested positive in 2003 play for the teams Boston beat in the playoffs in those years.
Oh yes, it is the wonderful, "sure our players were cheating but everyone else was also, but so I don't think we should pass judgment quite yet argument." Sadly, in baseball it sort of works. Still, I don't approve when Peter makes this argument.
b. Some guy named Reddick hit a homer for the Red Sox Sunday. Never heard of him. Go away for a week and the world gets weird.
Peter is so out of touch with baseball, I think it may have taken him a second to figure out why a guy named "Bay" is playing for the Red Sox. I think this is more of an example of how little Peter actually pays attention to the game of baseball.
c. I agree with Bill Simmons. This is just a star-crossed year, a year that just doesn't feel right, for the Sox.
Maybe it's a steroid curse! Quick Dan Shaughnessy, write a book in order to profit from it!
Whatever, I still have the Cubs and the Red Sox in the World Series (that was my preseason pick and I have to stick with it), that was my preseason prediction, so quit all this "woe is us, it just doesn't feel right" crap, so when things start falling into place you can make a big deal out of it.
d. Coffeenerdness: Can't believe I'm praising Sheetz Coffee, but the dark roast there would give the Starbucks Sumatra a good run. It fueled me on two of these long jaunts last week.
Why can't Peter believe he is praising Sheetz coffee? Is gas station coffee not elitist and white enough for him?
Happy Monday everyone. I think the best thing I saw this weekend was Joe Torre bringing in Juan Pierre as a defensive replacement for Manny Ramirez. When Juan "noodle arm" Pierre is a defensive replacement that doesn't say much for outfield defensive depth. Seriously, I have seen women with a better arm than him...and we all know how this blog feels about women in baseball.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)