2 comments Welp, Jay Cutler is More Like Tim Tebow and That's Not Good Enough for Rick Telander

You may remember a few weeks ago when Rick Telander wrote that he thought Jay Cutler should be more like Tim Tebow. Because, you know, Cutler is "an effective quarterback" and all of that. Well, it turns out that Jay Cutler has shown up to Bears training camp with big muscles and smiling in a picture. In a not-so-shocking twist of events, this isn't good enough for Rick Telander. It never is. That's the secret behind columns written with the premise of something like, "Coach X needs to address the media about Controversy Y." What the sports media really means is they want Coach X to have a press conference under the guise of "clearing things up around the controversy" when it's really just an excuse for the sports media to use their bully pulpit to ask the coach questions and continue to pass their judgment on in the form of a column. The guise is that opinions could change if the coach just speaks to the controversy publicly, much like Chip Kelly "should" speak to the accusations of racism, but those opinions aren't going to change. It's just an excuse to bait the coach into creating a media feeding frenzy.

When Rick Telander wrote "Jay Cutler should be like Tim Tebow" what he really meant was "Cutler needs to work harder and be nicer, but that's still not going to change my perception of him. But hey, he could try and that would allow me to churn a column or two out on the topic." It's the game the New York media played with A-Rod. "A-Rod should speak to his suspension and apologize at a press conference!" Why? So you have an exciting press conference to cover? Otherwise, there is no point.

So here is Rick not fooled by the "new" Cutler that he requested Jay become.

So we have a new Bears head coach 

A head coach that Rick became increasingly depressed about the Bears hiring.

and a new offensive coordinator and a new and wonderful wide receiver (Kevin White, whom no one has seen actually practice).

Oh no! No one has seen Kevin White practice and it seems the whole "Is Odell Beckham a huge bust?" idiocy from last year has been forgotten by Rick Telander. Being injured doesn't necessarily mean anything. That's my point.

So naturally we have a new quarterback.

(Rick Telander) "Jay Cutler needs to change who he is to be more like Tim Tebow."

(Rick Telander) "Jay Cutler has changed himself. I'll mock him for doing this now. Check out all this sarcasm I'm using, it's just like the sarcasm the kids use!"

Hello, Jay Cutler!

Jay had a bad year last year and he's trying to turn himself around. Let's mock him for it. 

So how is the 32-year old quarterback, now in his 10th NFL season, seventh with Bears, with his fifth offensive coordinator in seven years, abruptly new?

I like how Rick uses the word "abruptly" here. Rick wants Jay Cutler to change, Cutler appears to change and Rick is all like, "Whoa! Hey buddy, slow down with these abrupt changes. At least change at a slower rate so we can all keep up." 

Why, he looks rugged and jacked, 

Rugged and jacked like Tim Tebow!

and he hasn’t thrown an interception in practice,

I'm not a Cutler defender necessarily, but the fact he hasn't thrown an interception in practice is anecdotal evidence that Bears fans can somewhat be happy that the offense Adam Gase has installed is going to work for Cutler. I know it's fun to be sarcastic, but rather than have sarcasm about the situation, perhaps be cautiously optimistic. 

and he has been kissing reporters on both cheeks after cheery and informative interviews that he wishes would never end.

What is Cutler, Italian or something? 

OK, the last item isn’t true.

YOU GOT ME, RICK! I TOTALLY JUST FELL FOR THAT!

As usual, because Jay Cutler isn't friendly with the media then the coverage of him will reflect that. As someone who would be horrible at the media game if he were a professional athlete, I don't understand why Cutler is judged on his attitude towards the media while also acknowledging this has an impact on the coverage of Cutler by the Bears media.

But the glowing reviews of his on-field demeanor and “rebirth’’ as a field general who suddenly “gets it’’ are true. At least they have been bandied about like a volleyball over a backyard net.

More sarcasm. Telander wants Cutler to change, he seems to change in the short-term and Rick is all sarcastic about it. I know I'm sarcastic about a lot of stuff on this blog, but Rick specifically wrote a column requesting that Cutler change and Cutler seems to have tried to do that. Maybe it won't last. That's entirely possible. The secret is that Rick doesn't want Cutler to change who he is, Rick just wants to be able to bash Cutler for NOT being able to become a field general who "gets it." Rick wants to write about how Cutler needs to change, not actually have it happen. 

There’s a new photo of Cutler on Pro Football Reference.com that has him smiling like a teenaged girl who has just won free pedicures for life. Happy is the man with knowledge overflowing!

(Rick Telander) "Jay Cutler still doesn't smile nor is he nice to the media."

(Rick Telander) "Here is a picture of Jay Cutler smiling like a teenaged girl. I'm going to make fun of him for smiling like I have requested he do in the past."

Sure, John Fox may have called Cutler “Jake’’ back in January, but that was before he got to know the refreshed and refreshing QB who likely will never create a turnover again.

Keep moving those goalposts, Rick. Nobody said Jay won't create a turnover again. That's not a realistic expectation.

Also, calling Jay Cutler "Jake" is an easy thing to do, and not just because John Fox would rather his team not even have a quarterback so he could run the Wildcat or single-wing offense all game, but because "Jay" and "Cutler" can be run together to form "Jake" by not pausing between the two words. So the fact Fox called Cutler "Jake" doesn't mean a hell of a lot.

I don't just argue semantics, I murder semantics to death with my own nit-picking.

One is reminded of what former teammate/philosopher Brandon Marshall said of Cutler awhile back: “He’s the real deal.’’
And now, apparently, he’s so real, he’s chromed.

It almost sounds like Rick Telander doesn't believe it. Could that be true? 

Me, I don’t believe it.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? You don't believe it? I couldn't tell. 

I think Cutty is Cutty. A six is a six, not a 10. The spots are permanent, just like on your couch.

So when writing an article that says, "Jay Cutler needs to be more like Tim Tebow" you were essentially writing an article advocating for Jay Cutler to do something you had absolutely no doubt he wasn't capable of doing? So what's the point of writing the column then? You know Cutler can't ever be the "effective quarterback" that Tebow is, so outside of giving yourself a good reason to get pageviews by putting "Tebow" in the title of a column while bashing Jay Cutler, why write the column advocating for Cutler to change who he is?

We’ve heard this all before, haven’t we?

Maybe, but you are the one who seems to genuinely believe Tim Tebow is now an effective quarterback. You are the one who now believes Tebow doesn't have the world's worst throwing motion, a claim from Tebow's quarterback mentors that we had heard all before as well. Maybe one day Jay Cutler will be more like Tim Tebow, though that's clearly not really what Rick Telander wants. 

5 comments Desperate for Attention, Skip Bayless Wants Us To Know He's Changed His Mind about Jay Cutler For No Explicable Reason

Skip Bayless is a well-known attention hog. He is under the impression that his opinion on a story should be widely known, and in fact, he thinks his opinion should be the story. So Skip goes well out of his way to talk in the first person and insert himself into the story or narrative. He did it with Tim Tebow and LeBron James. It's less about his opinion of either player and more about everyone else's reaction to his opinion of each player. Feeling insecure and sad that he hasn't received as much attention as Stephen A. Smith lately, Skip writes a column saying he's changed his mind about Jay Cutler. As usual, Skip's opinion of a player needs to be the story. It's all about Skip Bayless. He is incapable of talking about Jay Cutler's performance in the past, present or future without mentioning his own opinion of Cutler during that time. When Cutler struggled at times, it isn't about Cutler struggling, but about how Skip stood by him. It's nauseating.

I'm sorry, Jay Cutler, I'm done defending you.

Right from the start, the reader knows this column isn't about Jay Cutler, it's about Skip Bayless.

No more being true to my school -- our school -- Vanderbilt. Time for some tough love.

It's good to hear that Skip Bayless allows his personal feelings to impact what he thinks about a player or school. Not that it should shock anyone of course. His job is to be a troll, so no person can troll by not having an obvious bias of some sort.

I'm calling you out, pal, just before you take the national stage again on "Monday Night Football."

Skip is calling you out, Jay Cutler! He's calling you out just in time for you to play in a nationally televised game on ESPN where Skip can get the most attention possible for calling you out. No really, pay attention to Skip. Look what he can do! Over here!

Cutler was 23-38 for 225 yards and 2 touchdowns for a 94.7 QB rating and 72.4 QBR in the "MNF" game. His ESPN Grade ranking for mixing athletics and academics was probably off the chart though. So I am sure Skip would argue that Cutler was motivated by getting called out. It's all about Skip.

I'm not buying what I saw from you a week ago Sunday, when you wrecked San Francisco's housewarming with the best stretch of quarterback I've ever seen you play. Four touchdown passes, zero "no, Jay, no" turnovers. You took a helmet to the chest that would have brought the trainer and doctor running for a lot of QBs.

This is the mind of Skip Bayless. Jay Cutler plays well and Skip decides that is the point at which he will jump off the Cutler bandwagon. Not that he would do this just for attention of course. Skip only obeys logic and the facts as they are presented. He would never have a crazy opinion just for the sake of gaining attention and trolling.

I've always praised and defended your physical toughness. But your mental toughness ... I suspect you played so beautifully -- dare I say so patiently -- against the 49ers because you felt little to no pressure. Nobody expected you to win that game. Brandon Marshall (ankle) and Alshon Jeffery (hamstring) weren't healthy enough to run an errand, let alone a route. So for once you didn't try to live up to your "rocket arm" reputation.

Skip Bayless has always had your back, Jay, which I am sure was a huge comfort to you. But now that you are becoming the quarterback other NFL analysts wanted to see you become, Skip realizes he's not the contrarian anymore and must immediately hop off the bandwagon and become a Cutler hater. How can Skip get attention if his opinion isn't insane to the point of being indefensible?

Meanwhile, Colin Kaepernick went Jay Cutler. He launched misguided missiles into three bad-idea interceptions and lost one careless fumble. You, Jay, from Santa Claus, Indiana, are usually the one handing presents to opponents. You probably were as surprised as anybody by the final score: Bears 28-20.

Yes, I am sure Jay Cutler was shocked that he played well and didn't commit any turnovers. Being a professional athlete, he probably lacks confidence in his ability.

Just after the past season ended with your Bears going 8-8 and your missing the playoffs for the seventh time in your eight NFL seasons, you were given three more seasons with guaranteed base salaries totaling $54 million (plus four more years with club options). That's in the ballpark of guaranteed money awarded to Drew Brees ($60 million), Matt Ryan ($59 million), Tony Romo ($55 million) and Aaron Rodgers ($54 million) in the past year and a half.

And yet, the other option was to dump Cutler, letting Josh McCown start, or wait until the offseason to allow Cutler to become a restricted free agent. Neither option seems terribly fun to think about for a Bears team that has struggled to find a quarterback in the past 20 years.

Santa Claus has always been very good to you, Jay, even when you've been bad.

You are the worst and make me question the existence of a higher power with sentences like this.

In your career, you've played in all of two playoff games. You won one at home and played little more than a half of that 2010 season's NFC Championship Game at home against archrival Green Bay. That was the turning point moment in which you asked out of the game because you said you could no longer plant and throw on an injured knee (later reported to be a sprained ligament), even though you pedaled an exercise bike on the sideline. 

Pedaling a bike and throwing a football require two different motions of the leg.

On "First Take," I angrily defended you for days, months, even years after that game and said no QB is tougher than you. 

Skip angrily defended Jay Cutler. With passion. With vigor. That sprained ligament isn't about Jay Cutler or about how Cutler asked out of a playoff game, it's about Skip Bayless and what people thought about his hot sports take regarding Jay Cutler's sprained ligament.

But maybe I missed the point.

Skip, there are so many points you have missed that there isn't enough time to go back and discuss them.

Maybe you didn't trust yourself enough to lead your team back against Aaron Rodgers and a 14-0 halftime deficit you helped create with an interception. Maybe you hid behind a knee that no doubt was hurt ... but so much so it kept you from the greatest opportunity of your career and a moment you might never again know?

This isn't the point you missed, Skip. This is what those who were critical of Cutler after the 2010 NFC Championship Game were stating while you defended Cutler. It's not the point you missed, it's that you took the opposite of point of view and are now trying to entirely change your position on Cutler to the position others took regarding him previously.

I thought you could soon own a city whose heart beats strongest for its Bears; I know because I was once a columnist for the Chicago Tribune.

Well, then YOU KNOW, don't you Skip. You once worked for the Chicago Tribune for three years.

I thought you would soon change that. Heck, win a couple of Super Bowls, and your football legend might even start to threaten Michael Jordan's basketball legacy in Chicago.

You may want to calm down a little bit. I know you worked for the Chicago Tribune for three whole years, but I'm pretty sure Michael Jordan's legacy is secure. Both players could have great legacies in Chicago. There doesn't have to be a winner.

Somewhere, Michael Jordan is rolling his eyes.

Everyone is rolling their eyes. You are a joke, Skip.

The more I watched you in Chicago, Jay, the more I thought of Phil Mickelson. 

Up next on First Take: Forced analogies comparing athletes who play different sports.

Yep, remember the many years Mickelson failed over and over to break through and win a major championship? That didn't happen until Mickelson was 33 at the 2004 Masters. Until then, Mickelson (like you) was known for always going for broke, damn the consequences.

He hid behind his gambling "nature,"

Interesting turn of phrase considering Mickelson's supposed affinity for gambling and the accusations of insider trading from earlier in this year.

I'm now convinced you sometimes gunsling passes just to enhance your big-arm, big-guts mystique. Your excuse: You have such a competitive cannon that you just can't keep yourself from trying to pull off the near-impossible throw.

Skip Bayless thinks that Jay Cutler has too much confidence in his throwing arm to not try and pull off the near-impossible throw. Except, he just stated he thought Cutler didn't have enough confidence in his ability just a few paragraphs ago:

Maybe this had nothing to do with pain threshold and everything to do with self-belief. Maybe you didn't trust yourself enough to lead your team back against Aaron Rodgers and a 14-0 halftime deficit you helped create with an interception. Maybe you hid behind a knee that no doubt was hurt ...

It sounds like ol' Skip is having some difficulty keeping his story straight.

Many times you have completed "Wow Factor" throws that have made you a ton of money. Too many times, you have thrown it to the wrong team or waited too long for a deep route to develop and gotten the ball swatted from your careless grip.

This is literally what everyone said about Jay Cutler while Skip Bayless was defending Cutler. It seems nothing has changed, Skip Bayless has just decided it's in his best trolling interest to change his mind about Jay Cutler to represent the point of view he once derided.

I still haven't quite recovered from this season's opener at home against Buffalo. Your two interceptions canceled your 349 yards passing and two touchdown passes and helped cost your team a 23-20 loss to Buffalo.

It's not about Jay Cutler's performance, it's about how Jay Cutler's performance made Skip Bayless feel.

After a decade of bleeding Vanderbilt black and gold for you on "Cold Pizza"/"First Take," I'm now mostly bleeding guilt, Jay.

I can't imagine a society where anything Skip Bayless has written so far would be considered to be top-notch sportswriting. So far it's been the ramblings of a fickle Jay Cutler fan who is overly-emotional about his hero's failings.

It started your junior year at Vandy, when I boasted on air about how you could be the next Brett Favre, and I pretty much got laughed off the debate desk.

This is usually how I laugh at Skip Bayless when I would watch him on "Cold Pizza." There is nothing really funny about his trolling opinions. It's sad to see a grown man work so hard in order to get attention.

What amazed me most was you played SEC football with the arrogance of the pre-med National Merit Scholars with whom I had to compete in freshman biology. You did my heart proud, Jay.

But now you are becoming the kind of quarterback that Skip Bayless can't support, due to your success, so he's going to have to take the contrarian opinion. See, you aren't a gunslinger anymore who commits too many turnovers, except when you were a gunslinger in the first game of the season and committed too many turnovers, so how is Skip supposed to get attention by advocating for you?

But when Denver coach Mike Shanahan traded up four spots to take you with the 11th overall pick in the draft, right behind Heisman winner Matt Leinart, I looked pretty good.

And that's really what it is about, isn't it?

But once you got to Chicago, where I have lots of media friends,

No you don't. Don't lie. No one likes you.

the arrogance that mesmerized me at Vandy began to alienate reporters and teammates alike. You often refused to accept any blame after multi-interception losses. You sometimes showed up teammates by chewing them out in plain sight during games.

Yes, and we all know no real leader ever shows up his teammates or coaches.

It's always interesting how some quarterbacks are uber-competitive and yell at their teammates, while other quarterbacks chew out teammates because they aren't accepting any blame. Players yell, it happens. Narratives don't have to be written.

Have you been using your arrogance as a shield to cover your insecurity?

You are not a psychologist. Don't try to be. Don't use Cutler's insecurity as a shield to cover up for the fact you are switching your position on Jay Cutler in order to gain attention.

In your ninth NFL season, the Bears have invested once again in your prototypical potential, your perennial on-the-verge-ness, your 57 career wins (!) and 49 career losses (?), your 161 career touchdown passes (!) and 114 career interceptions (?).

But all of this arrogance and gunslinging is just a way to cover up for your massive insecurity. Skip Bayless has you all figured out, Jay Cutler! And as a result, Skip Bayless does not like competing with other insecure people, so he will now not like you anymore.

So Monday night against Rex Ryan's Jets defense, will we see the Buffalo you or the San Francisco you, Jay? Did you finally "get it" against the 49ers? Or was it just another misleading tease, compliments of "Jay" Kaepernick?

Go play in traffic, Skip. Really, please. Do it. Your arguments make no sense. When Cutler is careless with the football you like him, but once Cutler isn't as careless with the football you accuse him of being insecure because you need to manufacture a few more debates for "First Take." Cutler is overly-confident, unless he isn't, which means he's insecure and Skip Bayless can't ride that train.

I minored in history at Vandy, Jay. Yours tells me you will be what you've always been.

That is interesting, because I feel the same way about Skip Bayless. It's sad to see a 62 year old man want attention as badly as Skip Bayless does. Skip talks about Cutler being a "misleading tease," but this is the person he has defended over the past eight seasons. Why is it now a bad thing? Because Skip feels the tide turning and has to take a contrarian view on Cutler? It's that important for him to stay relevant that he will completely change his mind under the guise of Cutler being too insecure to succeed. 

6 comments Rick Morrissey Is Outraged at The Way Marc Trestman Runs His Chicago Bears Team

It gets to be a slow time in the few days before the NFL season opens. Sometimes in order to get a full quota of columns written for the week, a sportswriter has to stretch a little bit and get outraged over something that isn't even close to being worthy of being outraged by. Rick Morrissey is confused, outraged, hurt, violently offended, and head-scratchingly angry over Marc Trestman's decision to allow Lance Briggs to attend his restaurant opening rather than come to practice. It makes no sense to him why Trestman would do this. Doesn't Trestman care about the slippery slope involved with this situation? One minute he lets Briggs out of practice for the opening of his restaurant and the next minute Jay Cutler isn't showing up for games on Sunday because he wants to be there early and beat the church crowd to get his favorite booth at Applebee's .

I’ve heard of an excused ­absence for a pulled hamstring. But for pulled pork? No.

Brilliant beginning. Briggs is opening a BBQ restaurant and Morrissey leads off with a strong "pulled pork" joke. If only Morrissey believed this joke couldn't be topped and then just quit after this first sentence. Alas, it was not to be.

That’s what Bears coach Marc Trestman gave linebacker Lance Briggs, who missed practice Monday to be at the opening of his new barbecue restaurant.

How dare Marc Trestman exercise his authority as the head coach of the Bears in order to allow one of his veterans to have the day off from practice to begin a new business venture! Does Lance Briggs want to work in a restaurant? If so, he should put an apron on and start washing dishes. Otherwise, strap on a helmet and come to practice on-time, everyday. What kind of example is this? Can Matt Forte be excused from practice to stand in line for the iPhone 6?

Maybe I expect too much from the Bears. 

Maybe you are making a big deal out nothing. No, check that, definitely you are making a big deal out of nothing.

Maybe I put too high a price on things, such as the importance of NFL practice, especially the first practice of the week of the first regular-season game, particularly for a defense that looked ghastly at times in the preseason.

Or maybe you just have higher standards for your Chicago Bear defensive players. Maybe allowing Lance Briggs to skip practice the week of a game is a great reason why Marc Trestman will never cut it as an NFL head coach. If only the world could live up to the standard Rick Morrissey sets for other people to meet.

Maybe Trestman was absolutely right to allow Briggs to skip practice for the opening of Double Nickel Smokehouse in Elk Grove, Calif.

Is it too much to ask for Rick to set a standard for others to meet and then hold them accountable when they don't meet the standards he sets for others but doesn't have to meet himself? You already know the answer to that. No, it is not too much to ask.

The horror of the good people of Briggs’ hometown being deprived of their hero’s presence obviously trumps the needs of a professional football team playing the Buffalo Bills on Sunday and coming off one of the worst defensive seasons in its history.

It's his restaurant and he wanted to be there for the opening. It's not like Marc Trestman allowed Lance Briggs to go to his restaurant opening rather than playing in a regular season game or anything. Most of all, I can't tell if Rick Morrissey is being sarcastic? Is he being sarcastic?

Sarcasm? Oozing like the sauce at Briggs’ restaurant.

Smothered in sarcasm like the BBQ spare ribs that sell for $24.99 at Briggs' restaurant. Goodwill Trestman had with Rick wiped away like the sauce on a customer's mouth is wiped away with a napkin at Briggs' restaurant. Everything Rick believed was true about what is the right decision for a head coach to make the week of a game chopped up and shredded like the pulled pork sandwich featured on the menu at Briggs' restaurant. Belief in Trestman's leadership tossed aside like the bones of a rack of ribs served at Briggs' restaurant. Everything is broken and nothing can be fixed, except nothing at Briggs' restaurant should be broken because it just opened and nothing should be broken or requiring fixing. But if Lance Briggs needed something at his restaurant fixed, then Rick Morrissey has no doubt Marc Trestman would give Briggs the day off practice to ensure it got fixed.

Unless there’s something more to his absence than another ­athlete opening another eatery, this is just bizarre.

There probably is something more to this story. Something more illicit and has nothing to do with BBQ, restaurants or sauce. I'm sure there's more to the story than Trestman decided to give a loyal veteran player a day off.

Three weeks ago, Showtime announced that Bears wide receiver Brandon Marshall would be a regular on “Inside the NFL,’’ its weekly show. He will have to fly to New York on Tuesdays during the season for the program. Trestman said he didn’t have a problem with it, noting it was usually the team’s day off and that he trusted Marshall. Three weeks later, it still sounds like a distraction the team doesn’t need.

Much like the situation surrounding Michael Sam, Brandon Marshall's absence will be a distraction the Bears team doesn't need because the media will constantly bring up the fact Brandon Marshall is in New York on Tuesdays doing "Inside the NFL." They will keep talking about it until it is a distraction.

Would I want my favorite team's best receiver doing a television show during the season? Probably not. The Bears are Marc Trestman's team and he is entitled to run this team as he and Phil Emery see fit to the run team. If the team doesn't play well then the ones who will pay for this are Marc Trestman and Phil Emery. So if Marshall going to New York is a distraction the team doesn't need, and it results in the Bears losing games, then Trestman will be fired. It's his team to coach, he bears (no pun intended) the burden of his decisions.

Together, the two situations raise a simple question: What could Trestman possibly be thinking?

He's thinking these players asked if they could take time to do these extra activities and he said "yes."

We’re seeing where Trestman’s noble philosophy of treating players with respect and humility clashes with the reality of pro football, with all its demands and rules. There’s a reason football gets compared to the military: It’s incredibly structured, with practice drills scheduled right down to the minute.

It's not like Marc Trestman has never been a head coach before. He's only been a head coach in the NFL for one year, but he was a head coach in the CFL from 2008-2012. I'm sure he has an idea of what he is doing. Maybe Canadian football players are just nicer and his philosophy won't work in the NFL. If not, Trestman gets fired. He's running the Bears his way, which is what they hired him to do by the way.

In the same way you’re not likely to see a commanding officer let a soldier out of war-games exercises to attend his niece’s birthday party, you won’t often see an NFL coach allow one of his defensive leaders to skip practice for a restaurant opening.

Comparisons of sports to the military when coming from a sportswriter always feels clumsy to me. Practice isn't a war-game exercise. Sports are entertainment, while war is not entertainment. They are two different types of things. Comparing them seems a bit clumsy and heavy-handed to me.

“I had communication with him three weeks ago about it,” the coach said. “We talked about it. And I excused him for personal reasons.

This was very clearly a decision made with much forethought and discussion about what excusing Briggs from practice would mean for the team, as well as expectations for Briggs' performance after missing a day of practice. I don't see the big deal. Of all the defensive players on the Bears roster, Lance Briggs isn't one of those whose performance I would question.

We’re at the point at which it’s worth asking what would make Trestman question a player’s commitment to the team.

We're also at the point where a veteran getting an excused day off to open a restaurant in his hometown shouldn't cause anyone to question that player's commitment to the team if the head coach is fine with it.

Jay Cutler joining the cast of “Deadliest Catch”?

Charles Tillman, flask in hand, tailgating before games?

Robbie Gould taking up competitive wall-kicking?

Alshon Jeffery declaring, “I have zero commitment to the team’’?

Not that Rick Morrissey is being over-dramatic like another more famous Morrissey is known for being. Allowing Lance Briggs to miss one practice is the exact same thing as another player drinking before a game or stating he has no commitment to the team. Great comparison. Very on-point. 

But this isn’t just about him. It’s about 11 starting defenders learning to play together. There could be six new defensive starters Sunday at Soldier Field. Fellow linebackers Shea McClellin and Jon Bostic are raw and can use Briggs’ help at all times.

And he will be there every other day in practice and during games to help them out. The idea Lance Briggs can't miss practice because he has to pick up his fellow defensive players is sort of weak to me. If Bostic and McClellin can't live one day of practice without Briggs then this would concern me for their future as NFL players. Besides, it may be good for them to go a practice without Briggs helping them. It could help them grow as players and leaders.

If you saw the Bears’ first-team defense give up 31 first-half points against the Seahawks in the preseason, I share your cluster headaches. But from that experience, you know the Bears can use all the cohesion time they can get their hands on.

Cohesion, like how the BBQ at Lance Briggs' new restaurant will stick to every customer's stomach lining.

I don’t care what players do with their free time, as long as it doesn’t affect the team. That’s my beef brisket with Marshall, who says taking two flights on Tuesdays won’t have any effect on him or the team. But it could, potentially.

I thought this article was supposed to be about Lance Briggs and the horrid decision Marc Trestman has made in allowing Briggs to take a day off practice? It seems Rick Morrissey has a variety of issues with how Marc Trestman runs his team.

Travel issues, fatigue, stress — all of it could be a part of Marshall’s Tuesdays.

It is Marshall's day off, so while Rick Morrissey claims he doesn't care what players do with their free time, he clearly does care what a player does with his day off. Also, Marshall will be traveling from Chicago (presumably) to New York every Tuesday. It's not like he is traveling from Chicago to London every Tuesday. If Marshall can't handle stress and fatigue then I don't know how he has made it this far as an NFL player if he can't manage his time and stress. After all, isn't an NFL practice incredibly structured and detailed down to the minute?

As for Briggs, there wasn’t another day to have a grand opening? Nobody on his restaurant team looked at the Bears’ schedule and saw that maybe there was a better time for it?

Let's see, Rick Morrissey is bitching that Brandon Marshall is using his day off on Tuesday to do "Inside the NFL," but he suggests there could be a better time for Lance Briggs to open his restaurant. When would that time be then? January or February?

Like on an off day for the football team?

Like Tuesdays when Brandon Marshall is going to New York? But that won't work because Rick Morrissey says that's a distraction the Bears team doesn't need. So again, when is the best time to open the restaurant? Morrissey has essentially ruled out every day until the end of the season or the Bears' bye week.

As I said earlier, maybe it’s me.

It is. It's one practice that Briggs will be missing.

Maybe I’m too demanding with other people’s time.

Yes, perhaps you do have too high of standards for what others should be doing with their time and their football team. It's easy and fun to tell others what they should be doing.

I always thought practice makes perfect. Now I see it’s the perfect time to start a side business.

Lance Briggs will be missing one practice. One. Practice does make perfect, which is why those defenders who are not veterans and need the practice reps attended practice on the day Lance Briggs went to the opening of his restaurant. It's not the end of the world or the Bears' season. 

5 comments MMQB Review: Peter Struggles with the Definition of a "Fact" Edition

Peter King described the joy he feels when walking in New York City last week in MMQB. Well, he likes to walk, but only when he can't catch a cab. Catching a cab is always preferable to walking, but walking is great too, as long as Peter doesn't have to walk too much. That's just annoying. Peter also described Tom Brady's offseason workout and asked Brady to state SPECIFICALLY what he has done to improve himself in the offseason. Peter also seemed confused as to how the Charlotte Hornets got their nickname, but thought the "Pelicans" is a great name for an NBA team. When I think of pelicans, fear strikes my heart. This week Peter talks about how great Brian Urlacher is (but leaves out how he didn't like Urlacher coming out of college and thought the Bears didn't make a good move when they drafted him...can't make himself look bad can we?), re-prints some commencement addresses given this year, and can't figure out why Jesus Montero isn't the starting catcher for the American League in the All-Star Game. Apparently in the past two weeks Peter has gone from not knowing exactly where Manny Machado came from, to now he is the lead scout for the Seattle Mariners. Why do prospects not work out? WHY? ANSWER ME UNIVERSE!

I'm going to write about Brian Urlacher today, but before I do, a note about the day. It's Memorial Day, and that's not just the first day of the beach season.

Never underestimate how stupid Peter King believes his MMQB audience truly is. What? Memorial Day isn't just about remembering those days when we couldn't go to the beach? Give us some perspective on this day Peter, as you only you can.

It's a day we remember all those who have served in the military, and those who continue to serve today. It's also my annual survey of some of the best commencement speeches to the Class of 2013.

Read that sentence again. Memorial Day isn't only remembering those who have served in the military, but also is the day Peter reveals his annual survey of the best commencement speeches to the Class of 2013. So we remember military members who have served, but at the same time look forward to Peter's annual survey of commencement address. Memorial Day is about honoring the military AND honoring Peter's annual commencement survey being released. Memorial Day is an important day to remember the troops while reading Peter's annual commencement survey on the beach while drinking an Allagash White. That way all three major reasons for Memorial Day to be remembered can be enjoyed while drinking the greatest beer ever made.

The explosion killed McGinnis instantly; the other soldiers in the vehicle got, at worst, shrapnel wounds they all recovered from. One of the men, Army Staff Sgt. Ian Newland, told USA Today: "Why he did it? Because we were his brothers. Everyone always tells their friends, 'I'd take a bullet for you.' I've read books and seen plenty of movies about it. But to actually live through a situation like that, have someone do that, is just -- there's nothing else more courageous that a person can do in their entire life. So basically, I try not to live my life in vain for what he's done."

Good advice on a day we should never take for granted.

We shouldn't take Memorial Day for granted. The beaches aren't open forever and Peter's annual survey only can be read in one MMQB per year.

First, some football. Then, Oklahoma. Then, some more wisdom from commencements.

I believe I said it last year (and possibly the year before that), but couldn't Peter simply link these commencement addresses in MMQB rather than write them (almost) verbatim in MMQB? I think it would be easier to link the commencement addresses, as well this would prevent MMQB readers from having to go through walls of text. I get that some of MMQB isn't football-related, but when Peter does the commencement address survey probably 50% or more of MMQB becomes non-football related. Are there really people who read MMQB and want to read more commencement addresses and other non-football related news? It's supposed to be a football column.

In retirement, remember Urlacher's best game.

While remembering the troops and the fact Memorial Day is the first day of beach season. More importantly, name three SPECIFIC THINGS that you remember about Brian Urlacher's game!

The defensive stat line for Chicago linebacker Brian Urlacher from Week 6 of 2006 in a Monday night game at Arizona:

Solo Tackles-Assists  Total Tackles   Sacks   QB Hits  Passes Defensed  Forced Fumbles 11-8    19    0    3    2    1

He is who we said he was! Well, Urlacher isn't who Peter said he was. Peter used to grade NFL Drafts (which a post about that is to come...don't pretend you aren't excited) and he didn't give the Bears a good grade for drafting Urlacher. Again, let's gloss over this to talk glowingly about Urlacher's career. In reality, we SHOULD gloss over Peter's evaluation of Urlacher coming out of college to review Urlacher's NFL career, but I wish Peter would mention the draft grade he gave the Bears upon drafting Urlacher. I just want to read him saying he was wrong. Of course we don't have room for Peter to admit he was wrong about Urlacher because there are Tweets of the Week and some non-football related notes that Peter has to fit into this MMQB. There's only so much room for football-related stuff in this column. Peter HAS to fit in a Quote of the Week and his own personal thoughts on the movie he watched this past weekend.

"That game,'' said then-Bears defensive coordinator Ron Rivera, "epitomized Brian as a football player. If anything, the numbers don't do justice to what Brian did on the field that night, especially in the second half."

I imagine Ron Rivera was so motivated by Urlacher's play in this game he stared even harder at the football field with a blank look on his face while coaching the Bears defense.

There was a subplot to the Bears-Cards game on the night of Oct. 16, 2006. Arizona coach Dennis Green provided it. The Bears, 5-0, were already being compared to the '85 Bears around Chicagoland, and Green, in his pre-game production meeting with the ESPN Monday night crew, was incredulous. "Denny couldn't believe it,'' play-by-play man Mike Tirico told me Friday. "The Cards were 1-4, and they'd played Chicago tough in the third preseason game that year. Denny was coaching at Northwestern at the time of the '85 Bears, and he didn't think this current team compared to the '85 team. At our meeting, he said, 'People are trying to crown their ass.' He couldn't believe it."

This really wasn't a subplot to the game since the viewing public didn't know about Dennis Green's disbelief at the Bears being crowned as great so early in the 2006 season. The general public found out after the game, but Green's feelings prior to the game weren't a subplot since few people were aware of Green's feelings. Maybe it was an unknown subplot, but the general viewing public wouldn't have known about this prior to watching the game.

Then the Cards, who started neophyte quarterback Matt Leinart and whose defense abused Chicago quarterback Rex Grossman, bolted to a 20-0 halftime lead. When I think of that Chicago team, I think how amazing it is that it made the Super Bowl that season with such a poor offense. That offense was in full bloom by halftime, with two Bears first downs, two Grossman interceptions and two Grossman fumbles lost. That's where I'll let Rivera take over.

As a Panthers fan, let me warn you, it isn't smart to let Rivera take over. Fourth quarter disasters will occur.

"I went to Brian and told him, 'Brian, you've got to take this game over. We've got no choice. Just go do it.'

Life as a Bears fan with Rex Grossman as the quarterback. It had to be super fun.

Rivera was in his coaches' office in Charlotte when we spoke, and he pressed a few buttons on his computer and called up the coaches' video from that night.

Well I'm glad he has that video ready at the touch of a button. If only Rivera had the video of the Panthers' poor safety play ready to view at the touch of a button then he may not have chosen to reinforce that position with Mike Mitchell and not much else.

And you remember Green going off after the game, reprising the crown-their-ass rant for future generations to chuckle over. He was in such a state because in the last 16 minutes, Urlacher choreographed the Bears D into a scheme that led to one touchdown, had 10 tackles and two passes defensed and a forced fumble. He had five tackles of James after a one-yard gain or less.

And of course part of the reason Brian Urlacher was free to tackle James so close to the line of scrimmage is because Tank Johnson and Tommie Harris did their job keeping the Cardinals' offensive linemen from blocking Urlacher and gave him freedom to run around. This needs to be acknowledged. You can't tackle a ball carrier if you are being blocked.

Rivera sent Urlacher a text message when he heard about his retirement.

"Heard the news,'' he texted. "Sad for football. But honored to be able to be your coach."

Urlacher texted back: "I'm proud I got to play for you."

Maybe next year if Urlacher comes out of retirement he can find out which team Rivera is working for as a defensive coordinator and play for Rivera once again.

Tomorrow, I'll check in with some thoughts on the Charles Woodson signing.

We wouldn't to spend precious time in MMQB discussing an actual NFL signing when this space is better used for transcripts of commencement addresses, transcribing and explaining other people's Tweets, and complaining about cab drivers. Football-related thoughts are found outside of MMQB.

Now for those commencement addresses.

I've picked a few that I thought had some good messages. Hope you enjoy them.

11 commencement addresses. Peter transcribes all of or part of 11 commencement addresses. I'm not a brain scientist (I heard a girl use this phrase in one of my college classes and sort of adopted it. She mixed up metaphors saying "I'm not a brain surgeon" and "It's not rocket science."), but I don't know if "a few" of anything could be classified as 11 of those things. If I have "a few" drinks then I am probably not drinking 11 beers. Not unless I am lying about how many drinks I have had, of course.

Ben Bernanke, Federal Reserve System chairman, Bard College

"Innovation, almost by definition, involves ideas that no one has yet had, which means that forecasts of future technological change can be, and often are, wildly wrong. A safe prediction, I think, is that human innovation and creativity will continue; it is part of our very nature. Another prediction, just as safe, is that people will nevertheless continue to forecast the end of innovation. The history of technological innovation and economic development teaches us that change is the only constant. During your working lives, you will have to reinvent yourselves many times.

Very true. Sometimes you have to be the mild-mannered Federal Reserve Chairman and other times you have to (allegedly) threaten the CEO of Bank of America as it pertains to a potential merger.

Michelle Obama, First Lady, Bowie State (Md.) University

"When it comes to your own kids, if you don't like what they're watching on TV, turn it off. If you don't like the video games they're playing, take them away. Take a stand against the media that elevates today's celebrity gossip instead of the serious issues of our time. Take a stand against the culture that glorifies instant gratification instead of hard work and lasting success.

Take this advice from the person who presented the Best Picture award at the Oscar ceremony this past year. I like Michelle Obama and appreciate the work she does to combat childhood obesity, but her telling an audience of students to ignore celebrity gossip and focus on the issues of our time is interesting to me. She has quite the reach and following in Hollywood and hasn't seemed afraid to embrace her (and President Obama's) connections to celebrities.

"I love the head coach. I mean, I love the head coach. He already has this team wrapped around his finger."

-- Arizona quarterback Carson Palmer, to Mike Silver of Yahoo! Sports, on new coach Bruce Arians.

I wonder how long it will be before Carson Palmer realizes opposing defensive linemen are going to have him wrapped around their arms and he demands another trade without the media calling him out for being selfish? Actually, the Cardinals offensive line has improved, but the Cardinals are Palmer's third team in three years and he basically demanded a trade out of his previous two situations. He's not a malcontent though, because the media likes him, so they don't call him a malcontent despite any evidence that he may be.

"It's going to be interesting to see if this style of offense projects to the NFL. I'm going to say no. I just don't see NFL passing concepts in this offense. It's a movement offense by the quarterback, off the run-action, off the read-action. A lot of short, quick passes, dart routes, bubble screens. Very few plays down the field with NFL passing concepts."

-- Ron Jaworski, on coach Chip Kelly's new offense with the Eagles, to radio station 97.5 The Fanatic in Philadelphia.

But, but, but...Chip Kelly is an offensive mastermind who is going to turn Mike Vick into an accurate passer and his offense is going to revolutionize the NFL as we know it. Haven't all of these national NFL writers told us how great Kelly's offense is going to be? It can't be true his offense may not work in the NFL because that's contrary to the line the public is being fed.

Snark aside, I have no idea if Chip Kelly is going to work out in the NFL or not. What I do know is that Chip Kelly seems to be a very smart man who wouldn't run the exact same offense he ran in college because he doesn't have college-level talent anymore. Kelly is going to adapt his system to the NFL and to the players in the NFL, which (at least in my mind) would feature more down the field NFL passing concepts. After all, he has Jeremy Maclin and DeSean Jackson at wide receiver, so it only makes sense. So I don't think looking at tape of his college offense is going to entirely show what his NFL offense will look like. I find Ron Jaworksi's criticisms and comments to be premature and not relevant to what Kelly's Eagles offense may look like.

Factoid of the Week That May Interest Only Me I

In the wake of the Achilles tear to wide receiver Michael Crabtree (he had surgery last week; rehab is expected to put him back on the field in six to eight months, meaning he could play the last six or seven weeks of the regular season -- emphasis on could), I ask this question: Is it now possible that Anquan Boldin could contribute more to the 49ers' offense in 2013 than Percy Harvin will contribute to Seattle's?

So how is this hypothetical a "factoid?" I realize Peter has a lot of respect for his own opinion, but since when does a hypothetical question become any sort of fact?

Unlikely, certainly. With the compensation paid for both in 2013 offseason trades, it'll be amazing if Boldin's production is competitive with Harvin's.

So Peter has just posed a "factoid" in the disguise of a question, then answered his own question in a definitive manner. At this point, he is not only confusing facts and questions but he is essentially posing questions to himself that he himself answers. It's the journalistic equivalent of a six year old girl having a tea party with her stuffed animals.

The 49ers traded the 199th pick in the 2013 draft (a late sixth-round pick) to Baltimore to acquire Boldin. He'll make $6 million this year, the last year of his Ravens contract.

But Boldin is coming off an ironman season for Baltimore (19 games, 58 snaps a game), while Harvin missed eight games due to injury last year, including the Vikings' wild-card round loss to the Packers.

Harvin turns 25 tomorrow. Boldin is 32.

"Here's another factoid...what are the odds both Boldin and Harvin play 16 games this entire season? Not good. It won't happen. That's a stupid question I just asked myself."

They are different receivers, Harvin a smurfy, make-'em-miss, speed type, and Boldin a physical possession guy with deceiving downfield ability.

Take a step back, this is analysis from a professional! We don't want anyone to get hurt while chewing on these factoids.

There's no doubt anyone would want Harvin for the long haul. But with Crabtree likely out for much of the season (and who knows how healthy he'll be, trying to return from an Achilles injury in midseason), it's going to be very interesting to see which receiver shines brightest for the full season this year.

Here's a factoid for everyone to enjoy...with David Garrard now retired, which quarterback is going to have a better year? Tom Brady or Peyton Manning? Brady plays for the Patriots and throws the football with his arm, while Peyton Manning plays for the Broncos and also throws the ball with his arm, but can't throw it quite as far as Brady. It's going to be an interesting year to find out which quarterback shines brightest.

Factoid of the Week That May Interest Only Me II

Another non-factoid coming right up!

I wrote on SI.com last Tuesday about my feeling that the league was making a mistake in moving the draft back three weeks, into mid-May, next year. More chance for the hype machine to pump out more coverage of what is already the most over-covered event on the football calendar, the draft, I contend, and less time for the scouts, coaches and football people to live normal offseason lives.

I wrote: "How much hype is enough? How big does the league need the golden goose to get? Silly question. We see it answered every day by an insatiable league.''

Beneath that was a link to SI.com's Chris Burke's 2014 mock draft.

I guess the fact Chris Burke's 2014 mock draft existing on the CNNSI.com site is a fact, but this is pretty tenuous. Peter could say any link exists on the CNNSI.com site, and if it does indeed exist call this a "factoid." It seems Peter has once again put down his opinion that scouts will have less time to live normal offseason lives with the NFL Draft being pushed back as a factoid. It's very possible teams could give scouts some time off early in February or in March (maybe a week) that the scouts would normally get in May or June. Maybe not, but the proposing of scouts having less time for normal lives isn't exactly a factoid quite yet. I think Peter is still giving only giving an opinion or making an observation more than relating a fact.

Mr. Starwood Preferred Member Travel Note of the Week

In northern California for a few days. Family vaca of sorts. In a Starbucks an hour north of San Francisco Sunday, I was amazed at Giants fever. Woman with a Brian Wilson jersey walked in. Guy with a Giants hoodie looked up and said: "How 'bout that game! What a finish!'' Talking about the walkoff, inside-the-park home run by Angel Pagan that won the game Saturday.

BREAKING NEWS: Local fans enjoy talking about a professional team that has been successful recently.

Another woman, not in Giants gear, walked out of the store a few minutes later and said to a guy with a Giants World Series t-shirt reading the San Francisco Chronicle at a table near the door: "Think Cain can win it today?'' Matt Cain, she meant.

Thanks for clearing that up, Peter. I thought she was talking about the no-holds barred steel cage match between Biblical brothers Cain and Abel. It turns out it was Matt Cain she was referring to. Without Peter's baseball knowledge, we would all be lost and think Cain and Abel had risen from the dead to have a death match.

Driving through the Giants-garbed city Saturday and listening to the chatter an hour away on Sunday, I thought: Hard to imagine a region in the country right now more excited about its baseball team.

Quite possibly. Would Giants fans be as excited if their team had not been successful lately? We should file this under: "Fans get excited when their team wins the World Series and the team continues to be successful."

Ten Things I Think I Think

1. I think I like the NFL continuing to press the issue of no HGH testing. As NFL.com reported, the league sent a new proposal to the union April 24 to adopt a testing plan. As any dimwit can see, it's patently absurd that professional football does not test for human growth hormone. It's obviously an unfair advantage to use it. Even baseball and basketball, with testing programs part of their protocols, see the importance of it. There's no excuse, none whatsoever, for the 2013 season to be played without players being tested for HGH.

Another factoid from Peter.

2. I think I would ask the Jets this question after reading ESPN New York's excellent summary of the incredibly troubled adult (that may be using the adjective loosely) life and times of free agent running back Mike Goodson, who, according to a police affidavit, was found on May 17 "incoherent, slobbering and vomited all over himself" in a car stopped in the middle lane of a New Jersey interstate with a bag of marijuana in his pocket and a handgun with hollow-point bullets found in the glove compartment:

Take it easy on him. Hasn't everyone been found in a car incoherent, slobbering, vomiting with illegal drugs and a gun in the car with them?

Did you know all of what ESPN uncovered? And if so, how can you defend hiring Goodson at all, never mind handing him a $1 million signing bonus?

I'm pretty sure the Jets gave him that signing bonus before he was arrested with the gun in his car and before he was found in a state of inebriation. As far as the past stuff that Goodson has been dealing with, it was past rent due and past child support due. The Jets signed him because he has talent and teams take a chance on players who have outstanding child support if that player has talent. Those were the only issues Goodson had at the time the Jets signed him to the $1 million signing bonus. Goodson isn't the first player to have a chance taken on him when he has child support or legal issues. Just last year Peter was complimentary of the Rams basically taking the payment of Janoris Jenkins' child support out of his hands. Peter never questioned the draft pick by the Rams when he had some child support and legal issues. I guess not every player is lucky enough to have a team willing to set up a system to remove the burden of life so that player can focus on football.

3. I think the Cardinals were probably fair to both sides -- themselves and highly risky third-round defensive back Tyrann Mathieu -- by tying 60 percent of his signing bonus to roster bonuses over the life of his four-year contract. This way, if Mathieu has a rerun of his myriad off-field problems at LSU, the Cardinals will be protected in not having to pay the pro-rated portion of his bonus in the final three years of the deal.

I'm not sure that's exactly being "fair" to Mathieu to not compensate him in the same way other third round picks are going to be compensated, but it is fair to the Cardinals and probably a smart move. I guess whether this deal is fair to Mathieu depends on your definition of "fair."

5. I think the best thing on TV last week had to be Mark Mulder of ESPN's Baseball Tonight breaking down the mechanics of Seattleite John Clayton throwing out the first pitch Friday night at Safeco Field. 

This was the best thing on television last week? Were all other channels besides ESPN just showing static for the entire week?

6. I think quite a few of you (who can research, apparently) got the answer to my Twitter quiz pretty quickly on Saturday. I asked: Who threw the first NFL pass that was intercepted by Charles Woodson?'' Answer: Dallas coach Jason Garrett (no -- he wasn't the Dallas coach then!),

Well, thanks for clearing that up. I was confused because I thought Jason Garrett had gotten fed up with Tony Romo throwing interceptions and just put himself in as the Cowboys starting quarterback.

Does Peter really feel the need to clarify that Jason Garrett was not the coach of the Cowboys when he was intercepted by Charles Woodson? Does he believe his readers are THAT stupid?

10. I think these are my non-football thoughts of the week:

a. Man, if you can figure out the story behind Jesus Montero's failure, please illuminate me.

Prospects don't always pan out and Montero was more of a risk to fail anyway because he isn't really a very good defensive catcher, so that leaves much of his value to the Mariners as a DH. So if Montero can't hit the ball then he has very little value to the Mariners and since Montero is young, he hasn't figured out how to hit MLB pitching consistently yet. There, I just figured it out.

It's the mystery of sport why he isn't the starting American League All-Star catcher, but rather the starter for the Triple-A Tacoma Rainiers.

It's not a huge mystery. He can't hit MLB pitching. This happens quite frequently with highly touted prospects. Besides, when did Peter become an MLB scout? Just a few weeks ago he didn't know where the hell Manny Machado came from, but now he knows enough about Jesus Montero to be confused as to why he isn't the best catcher in the American League.

g. Coffeenerdness: I urge you, Peet's -- move east. Rapidly. Great, great coffee.

The coffee still smells like ass...but still, move east so Peter can spend $4.00 on a cup of coffee everyday. That should be enough daily revenue to justify putting a store in New York, right? 

i. I think Julia Louis-Dreyfus is better in Veep than she was in Seinfeld.

Factoid.

j. How do you not admire the Pacers? What a game Friday night. What an incredible game.

You can not admire the Pacers if you aren't a Indiana Pacers fan or are a Miami Heat fan. How do you not watch the NBA all year, admit you know nothing about the sport, and then make statements based on one game as if they are supposed to be facts?

k. If you'd have told me on April Fools' Day that the Red Sox would have been 30-20 after 50 games, with more wins than all but three teams in baseball, well, I'd have signed for that right there.

Sounds like Peter is back on the Red Sox bandwagon. I'm sure he'll jump back off and swear his brother-in-law isn't renewing his season tickets once the Red Sox get caught drinking beer in the clubhouse or don't make the playoffs.

The Adieu Haiku

No Crabtree 'til Nov.?
Huge injury, we all think.
Jim Harbaugh shruggeth.

What's Harbaugh going to do in front of his team? Start panicking? The 49ers signed Randy Moss and Mario Manningham last offseason, as well as drafted a wide receiver in the first round of the 2012 NFL Draft, so they at least have some depth to combat the injury to Crabtree. Any smart NFL coach would acknowledge the injury and then try to motivate his team to play past these injuries, as opposed to making the team feel like the season is over before it even began. 

5 comments Scoop It's Not Unfair, It's Just Business

I was thinking of tackling the Bill Simmons-Malcolm Gladwell litany of emails today, but even I don't hate myself that much. There's probably three posts worth of discussion contained in the emails sent between two people who count themselves as their own biggest fans. I'm not sure I can subject myself to that much self-congratulatory and backslapping among two writers who have the potential to break the Insufferability Scale, which is a scale I just created. Fortunately, Scoop Jackson is always here to help us out in a pinch. He thinks its just so unfair these games NFL front offices play with running backs. He uses Matt Forte as Exhibit A when it comes to players who suffer because of these games, mostly because there is really only an Exhibit A (Forte) or Exhibit B (Ray Rice) in regard to this issue. Most other elite running backs have gotten paid handsomely for their services, which calls the idea NFL teams are constantly playing games involving contract extensions for elite running backs into question. Of course Scoop admits $7.7 million is a pretty nice figure for one season, but it just covers up the unfairness of this entire contract mess in his opinion.

And yes, if I was Matt Forte I would want a new contract. And yes, if were the Chicago Bears I would be slightly nervous about giving him a new contract.

Let's put this Matt Forte dilemma into a different perspective.

Apparently Bill Simmons wrote this part of the column because there is a long, drawn-out analogy that not only appears to serve no purpose other than to kill space, but it isn't a very good analogy either.

Say you are a young chef doing a stint at a very successful restaurant,

Ok. You are a young chef doing a stint at a very successful restaurant.

Now the restaurant isn't yours and you aren't the head chef, but you are at the sous level. The plates you create begin to get recognized around the country and you are being called one of the nation's best young chefs -- one most other five-star restaurants would kill to have in their kitchens. You're career is beginning to buzz.

As is my brain buzzing because I would most likely be sampling the wine as I cook the food. In related news, I would probably be a terrible chef who cooks while drunk. Carry on with your long, drawn-out analogy.

Say the restaurant at which you work recognizes your talent, but doesn't honor it.

Ok. The restaurant at which you work recognizes your talent, but doesn't honor it. What's the point of me saying these things again?

"We need to take these people to a hospital."

"A hospital? What is it?"

"It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now."

The owner, perhaps the chef whose name is on the establishment, doesn't necessarily want you to leave, but he's not giving you any reasons to stay. You have options and are in demand. So you leave. Time to test the market.

But what if the chef offers you a 1100% raise to stay at the establishment for one more year? I can't believe the horror this scenario creates! Not only would you have to continue working the same job you have worked at for the past few years, but you would get a large raise to do this. How unfair is this?

(I've gone ahead and spoiled the point of this story. This is a long, drawn-out example to prove how unfair the Bears have treated Matt Forte. Of course, in order to prove his point Scoop Jackson leaves out the part where the chef would get a 1100% raise to essentially do the same job. See, that would help to sink Scoop's point. As we've learned repeatedly when dealing with sportswriters, they leave out facts if these facts don't support their position.)

Say you then open your own restaurant, and within a few years, you get the James Beard Foundation Award as the best chef in America and after that your restaurant is voted the best restaurant in America by Gourmet, Food and Wine and Travel and Leisure magazines.

This would be a shocking turn of events for a chef who cooks drunk and his specialty dish would be white rice, butter, cayenne pepper and salt mixed in.

A few years later Time includes you in the TIME100, a list of the "100 most influential people in the world."

I would prefer to be on People Magazine's "100 Most Beautiful People List." I'm willing to have my picture taken without any makeup on, if necessary.

The point?

There is no point of course! Scoop just managed to kill space AND our brain cells while making such a terrible comparison. Two birds. One stone. Zero grade for the bad analogy.

Finding your true worth when others might not see or fully appreciate it has its privileges.

I'm not sure if there is a worse analogy than comparing Matt Forte's inability to get a contract extension from the Bears, followed by him getting hit with the franchise tag, to a chef who becomes very good at his job and opens up his own widely successful franchise. Maybe a worse analogy would be comparing Matt Forte to an aging pornstar, but I know Scoop doesn't want to infringe on Bill Simmons' copywritten vaguely sexist material of athlete/pornstar comparisons.

(Sometimes I think if Bill Simmons got fired by ESPN he would end up writing his own blog which at some point would feature a20,000 word column on pornstars and who their athlete comparable would be.)

Sometimes, it becomes your blessing in disguise. In the case of Matt Forte with the Chicago Bears, he may need to follow that lead.

Absolutely he should do this. Matt Forte should leave the Chicago Bears the first chance he gets to sign a contract with another team. He will do this. Right now, he is getting paid $7.7 million dollars to play for the Bears next year and he should enjoy this pay raise while he can and hope he doesn't get hurt this season. Scoop will now begin to whine about how unfair Forte is being treated, but it is business. The fact Forte can go somewhere else in one year (assuming the Bears don't franchise him again) shows you this is a business.

Follow the path of a world-class chef and use it as a guide and inspiration for what can happen to someone when he does the opposite of what everyone seems to be telling him to do.

What? No one in Scoop's analogy told the chef to stay at his current restaurant and not try to open his own restaurant. Why do I remember Scoop's analogy better than he does?

Sometimes it's just not smart to listen to the world when your heart is telling you to do something different.

The world seems to be telling Forte to take what the Bears are currently offering him and run. And catch … and block … and continue to be the second-most important offensive player on the roster.

So it would be smarter to hold out of training camp in order to demand a new contract or just ouright demand a trade? How's that working out so far for Forte?

Stop holding out and accept the franchise tag, which will pay him $7.7 million this season (a significant upgrade from what he made last season, when he was paid $600,000), have the same season he had last season before he was injured then come back to the table and get the contract from the Bears that he was looking for when this whole thing began.

Matt Forte can do whatever he wants. So far he hasn't accepted the franchise tag tender and that is his choice. $7.7 million is a lot of money to do the exact same job he was doing last season and I think the odds of the Bears franchising him two years in a row aren't exactly great. I could be wrong. I know Forte wants to get paid, but $7.7 million for one year would make him one of the highest paid running backs in the NFL. Then next season he can chase his big contract. Yes, it will suck he gets a contract one year later than he wants, but $7.7 million can buy a lot of other things Forte wants.

But when Forte's contemporaries around the league are continuously being compensated with more secure, long-term packages, why should he be the one in the group to settle for less?

Because it doesn't appear as of now he will be getting a long-term contract whether he signs the franchise tender or not. It is June, so it is still early. That's important to know. There is still time for an agreement to be reached. I'm not saying it is right or it is wrong, but the Bears and Forte can't come together on a deal, so Forte may not get a deal. Why not get paid $7.7 million to play this year and hope to become a free agent next year?

Take a look at these deals:

LeSean McCoy, Philadelphia (five-year extension/$45M/$20M guaranteed)

Chris Johnson, Tennessee (six years/$56M)

Adrian Peterson, Minnesota (seven years/$96M)

Arian Foster, Houston (five years/$43.5M)

McCoy and Foster are younger than Matt Forte and they both got the shortest deals among these four running backs. Not to mention, the Chris Johnson contract may only serve as a warning to NFL teams wanting to prevent a player from continuing to hold out by giving him a large contract. I feel like this is important to know.

His play has earned him the right to be in the same conversations with those other running backs. His play has also allowed him to decline the "strong offer" (words of former GM Jerry Angelo) Chicago initially put on the table or the franchise tag that they've placed on him since his initial decline of that offer.

At least Chicago has shown some willingness to negotiate. That's somewhat of a good thing. I agree that Forte's play has earned him the right to be in the conversation with those other running backs. He believes this too, which is why he hasn't signed the franchise tender yet. At a certain point, and we aren't at that point yet, he is going to have to decide whether it hurts him more to sit out or hurts him more to be on the field making $7.7 million. For Scoop Jackson, this seems like an easy decision, but I would argue the Bears and Matt Forte need Forte on the field for the first game of the season.

They have options.

And the reason they are continuing to hold out is because they are tired of the games.

It's not games. It is business. Refusing to give a player a long-term contract and offering him the franchise tag isn't a game. It is a strategy the union has approved of by approving the use of the franchise tag. The Bears can't agree to a long-term deal with Forte, so they offer him a lucrative one year deal in lieu of a long contract extension.

Games -- not all, but too many -- teams play in which they want the player to overproduce and when the player does they hold it against them in contract negotiations;

Teams do tend to use running backs a lot and then worry about the mileage on that running back once he is prepared to be a free agent. Think of it this way though...if a running back like Forte doesn't get as many touches he has gotten over the four years, then he may not be among the best running backs in the league and may possibly not be due such a large contract. It goes both ways. If Forte's receptions and rushing attempts are decreased for each season, he may not be considered an elite running back. Maybe he would be. Maybe he would be Michael Turner or DeAngelo Williams and still receive a good contract offer when he is a free agent because he doesn't have a lot of mileage on him. It's hard to say for sure.

ownership saying the "shelf life of a running back is short" as a new way of devaluing a player regardless of what he does and using it as leverage against the value of the player's pending contract.

Unfortunately, this is true. Running backs do have a low shelf life. Teams use this against a player in negotiations. Of course, as Scoop Jackson pointed out, this is simply a negotiating tactic and it hasn't prevented NFL teams from signing running backs to large contract extensions prior to this season.

But in the contract talks, the team will bring up the fact that Rice has averaged over 280 carries and 72 receptions a year over the past three seasons.

So now he's overworked. Now, they'll use that as the reason Rice's 25-year-old body is closer to 32 in football years.

While this does sound silly, Ray Rice is a small running back so there has to be a natural concern about the beating his body has taken. Again, if Rice were used less then he may have less value on the free agent market or the Ravens may be less inclined to offer him a large contract.

And the reason he's damaged? The same people refusing to extend his contract are the people who had coaches call his number and run plays for him to outperform his previous deal.

The idea Ozzie Newsome is telling John Harbaugh what plays to run and who to run those plays for is sort of laughable to me. The Ravens have used Rice a lot, but Ozzie Newsome isn't dictating to the Ravens coaching staff how often they have to use Rice. The Ravens coaching staff use Rice because he is a great running back. Let's not forget the Ravens have so far refused to extend Joe Flacco's contract as well, so the Ravens aren't exactly handing out money right now.

(If this is the new standard procedure of how NFL teams are going to monetarily access running backs, the entire structure of rookie contracts for players at that position needs to change.)

So is Scoop Jackson suggesting running backs should receive more money in their rookie contracts because they have a shorter shelf life? If he thinks the market for running backs being taken early in the draft is soft now, just wait until running backs request bigger contracts or more guaranteed money in their rookie contracts. Teams will definitely not be eager to draft running backs high in the draft at that point.

It's straight games.

It's really not straight games though. It is business. No, NFL teams don't always treat their players kindly. The Bears are concerned with giving a declining running back big money in a new contract. The Bears claim to be concerned that Forte's knees won't hold up. This may be a real concern or it may be a bullshit reason given by the Bears so as not to offer Forte a long-term contract. I don't believe it is "straight games" any more than it is "straight business." I think Forte has earned a long-term contract, but his worth to the Bears doesn't seem to match Forte's own perceived worth. The Bears do have an obligation to their fans to spend money on players the Bears deem worthy of money being spent on. The Bears can't only do what the fans want. Many fans are idiots. They want Forte re-signed, but will immediately criticize Forte and the Bears if it turns out he struggles and isn't able to live up to his contract.

Games that the NFL seems to be playing, games certain players are tired of having to play.

Talk to the union about that. I believe there was a great chance for something to change last offseason during the lockout. If the players are tired of games, that was their chance to say so and they didn't do it.

Players in the NFL already have very little power. The only true leverage they have in contract negotiations is the value of their past productivity.

Most employees of any company have very little power. I can't demand a raise or simply not show up to work because I want more money. If anything, Forte has more power because he has a specific set of skills that allows him to be highly compensated by his current team and greatly wanted by other teams. $7.7 million is nothing to sneeze at and Forte doesn't have to worry about being fired if he doesn't show up for work in August because other teams will make offers for him immediately should the Bears release Forte. So I would argue while Forte is stuck with the Bears for the time being, he has more power than the average American employee has. He can not show up for work and doesn't have to worry about the results of being fired due to his specific set of skills. Forte has some sense of leverage.

But then again this is business, and we are dealing with an organization that underpaid -- and at times undervalued -- Walter Payton.

Let's remember that right now the New Orleans Saints have franchised Drew Brees and appear to be undervaluing him, if you believe the low contract offer is why Brees hasn't signed their contract offer yet. Brees is a quarterback, one of the top 3 players at his position and the Saints are not exactly piling money up at his door (in Brees' opinion) to re-sign him. Organizations franchise their best players and sometimes have tough negotiations with these players. NFL teams want to pay as little as possible for as much production as possible and NFL players want as much compensation as possible for their skills. Sometimes each sides reach an impasse and this is business.

So regardless of how you feel about Matt Forte and how he and his agent are handling this contract situation with the Bears, understand this: They have just as much right to hold out as the Bears do to play the contract game the way they seem to be playing it.

I'm not sure anyone is arguing otherwise. Understand this: The fact Forte can hold out shows how much leverage and power he truly has as an employee. If Scoop Jackson refuses to write for ESPN.com because he wants more money, he is getting fired. If I refuse to work until I get a raise, I am getting fired as well. The difference in Forte, Scoop and myself is if Forte gets fired he gets exactly what he wants, which is free agency, and he will probably be signed by a team within two weeks while probably making more guaranteed money than he has ever made before. He would get exactly what he wants. If Scoop and I get fired there is no guarantee we aren't collecting unemployment for six months hoping someone will hire us, while also praying we make as much money in our new job as we made in our old job. Forte has bargaining power and he is currently using it. I don't cry for him.

No side is right in this situation, but Forte shouldn't be looked at as being wrong. He is standing his ground and doing what he feels is necessary for his career.

It's his career. Just as it is their team.

Which is why you shouldn't accuse the Bears of playing games by negotiating difficultly with Forte. It seems Scoop sort of understands the position the Bears are in, but he doesn't want to fully acknowledge the business aspect of it, but instead accuses them of playing games. It stinks for Matt Forte the running back market is soft and the Bears aren't handing out huge extensions to running backs easily. He is making $7.7 million this year and will be a free agent next year. It's not a terrible short-term or long-term situation to be in as long as Forte has another great year for the Bears.

1 comments J.S.' NFL Power Rankings: Week Fifteen

I hate the new rules regarding physical contact in the NFL. I come from a country where this happens. There are 400 tackles in a rugby league match, on average, and while, yes, it is not of the "11 guys coming for one ball carrier" nature and there is no blocking, they also play 24 regular season games a year. Without protection, you may notice.

So spare me the sob stories for football players. They are well compensated, just like miners, or acrobats, or ice road truckers or whatever. They happily take on the risk for money, and it just so happens that unlike those professions, they also get fame, adulation, and a fundamentally fucking fun job. Some calls like facemasking and unnecessary roughness I can deal with. But the roughing the passer stuff is absolutely absurd at times. So is this new ridiculous "defenseless receiver" shit. If you have the ball in an NFL game, expect to get tackled. I'm so sick of people talking about the "toughness" of QB's, like we heard non stop with Favre. He's literally playing in the position with the least amount of physical contact on the field. To the point where they actually keep statistics on the amount of time he is literally touched. Iron man for playing 200 odd games straight? Talk to me abou the defensive tackles or running backs that do the same.

While I am on a rant, bitching about rules, the new kickoffs suck so, so hard. Initially we were told that it would be fine, that returners were getting more speed up and it might encourage returns, remember that? Kickoff TDs have been cut in half. The most exciting play in the game. I still cannot believe taunting is a thing, being too happy is actually a penalty in the NFL. Just absolutely absurd.

They also need to do something about pass interference. Should be 15 yards unless it's flagrant, in which case, spot of the foul. This "he did have his hand on the shoulder for a second and a half, 47 yards!" is just obviously stupid. Anyway, please, save me the bleeding heart Costas style monologues about what this says about society, they are grown men, making a consensual decision.

/rant

1 - GREEN BAY (-)
13-1, 1st NFC NORTH
L 14-19 @KC, next vCHI

Was Greg Jennings more important to this offense than previously thought? Green Bay's receivers were awful, giving away rarely spotted offensive pass interference calls, a whole bunch of drops, leading to Rodgers going 6/17 (seriously!) for just 59 yards in the first 35 minutes of this game. The Chiefs brought a shit ton of pressure (4 sacks, 9 hits), for those looking for blueprints, but I've seen pressure on Rodgers before with minimal impact. Ditto their terrible defense (cheated up all day, forgivable in the first half, but were beaten deep time after time in the second when it became a joke), that's always there (only redzone ineptitude made the score look reasonable, they gave up 438 yards to the Chiefs - the Chiefs!). They tried rollouts, way more play action than normal, a QB draw or two. I mean the Packers ran the Wildcat in this one! The fucking Packers! Utterly bizarre.

2 - NEW ORLEANS (-)
11-3, 1st NFC NORTH
W 42-20 @MIN, next vATL

This is the carnage (Brees went 32/40 for 412!!! yards and 5!!! TDs) that ensues when the second best quarterback in football meets the worst secondary in football (yes, even worse than New England's).

3 - BALTIMORE (-)
10-4, T-1st AFC NORTH
L 14-34 @SD, next vCLE

I really didn't think they played that badly, despite the score. My worry remains Flacco's ineffectiveness (is he really better than Sanchez? Sanchez 82.2 vs Flacco 80.0). A lot of poorly thrown balls out there. But this was just a bad day. I've been hard on Baltimore, but I won't crucify them for this effort.

4 - NEW ENGLAND (-)
11-3, 1st AFC EAST
W 41-23 @DEN, next vMIA

What's amazing is how unprepared New England appeared to be for Denver running the ball. I know the secondary is bad, but I'd prefer to live with being beaten with Tebow throwing it than allowing runs. Just terrible reads by the defense, especially the linebackers (even you, Jerod Mayo) on play recognition. Denver had 133 yards rushing on their first two drives! How is that even possible? Dudes were running into each other, grabbing at air, it was Three Stooges like stuff at times. Aaron Hernandez (9 receptions for 129 yards) was jaw droppingly amazing, including a 46 yard grab where he made three Broncos miss, a 4th down reception and a TD (and should have had two, I was amazed Belichick didn't challenge that catch). Defense really is a big, big problem, it's embarrassing, amateurish for too many plays of every game. Loss of Carter will not help.

5 - HOUSTON (-)
10-4, 1st AFC SOUTH
L 13-28 vCAR, next @IND

Glass half full? Arian Foster ran for 109 yards on 16 carries (he also had 5 receptions for 58 yards). I had been worried about him of late gaining just 217 yards on his last 68 carries (3.2YPC), although Carolina's defense is hardly the best test. On that point, the glass half empty is that Yates threw two picks into one of the worst secondaries in the NFL and were awful containing a *gulp* running QB (Newton had 55 yards on seven scrambles). Let's...let's just not even go there ok?

6 - SAN FRANCISCO (+2)
11-3, 1st NFC WEST
W 20-3 vPIT, next @SEA

Seven straight possessions for the Steelers started at their 20 or worse. Andy Lee was the most valuable 49er all night (he is 6th in the league in inside 20's and 1st in net yards this year). Couple the incredible field position with the turnovers (including one in the red zone) and a Suisham missed field goal and you had the difference between these teams. Special teams and turnovers is a somewhat unreliable formula for success...we'll see. The red zone problems (San Francisco is 30th in converting red zone trips to TDs) are real - especially for a team with so little offense (25th in YPG and 14th in the more forgiving PPG).

7 - PITTSBURGH (-1)
10-4, T-1st AFC NORTH
L 3-20 @SF, next vSTL

Roethlisberger probably shouldn't have played. Was seriously restricted in his movement all night. He threw three picks and was hit 11 times (9.5 alone by the incredible Aldon Smith).

8 - ATLANTA (+1)
9-5, 2nd NFC SOUTH
W 41-14 vJAX, next @NO

Better than Jacksonville...my enthusiasm is overwhelming.

9 - JETS (-2)
8-6, 2nd AFC EAST
L 19-45 @PHI, next vNYG

Some dumb mistakes (Santonio Holmes and Sanchez' fumbles in particular) along with some dumb luck (the Holmes drop that led to an interception) made this look worse than it probably was. But what I'm more concerned about is that they still, after 15 weeks, cannot run the football. They had just 3.5YPC in this game against a team that is 22nd in YPC against (4.3). They cannot win a playoff game (assuming they can even muscle past Cincy) unless they can run the football, and there's just no reason to believe they can.

10 - DALLAS (+1)
8-6, 1st NFC EAST
W 31-15 @TB, next vPHI

Sleep walked (slept walked?) through this one and were allowed to. Hold the advantage, not only with the win, but the Eagles next week are an easier draw than the Jets (yes, I still believe that). A see saw, fascinating battle.

11 - DETROIT (+1)
9-5, 2nd NFC NORTH
W 28-27 @OAK, next vSD

Calvin fucking Johnson (9 receptions, 214 yards, 2TDs, 69 yards on the game winning drive).

12 - GIANTS (-2)
7-7, 2nd NFC EAST
L 10-23 @WAS, next @NYJ

New York is not good enough to take mediocre or slightly below average teams lightly. Particulary in a divisional contest and particulary in the midst of what is probably the tightest of all the playoff races. It does show you just how bad they are, as foreshadowed, if their passing game (Manning 23/40 for 257 yards and three picks) and pass rush (1 sack against a team that surrendered 9 against fucking Buffalo, who by the way are last in the NFL in sacks) is not there. In short, an unmitigated disaster.

13 - SAN DIEGO (+3)
7-7, T-2nd AFC WEST
W 34-14 vBAL, next @DET

A truly brilliant performance from a patchwork offensive line. San Diego's offensive line coach, whoever he is, must be great, it's always really presentable at least, and against one of the best pass rushing teams in the league, it was superlative in this game (1 hit and no sacks!). Rivers (17/23 for 270 yards and a TD) took advantage, as did Vincent Jackson (84 yards on three receptions), who has been in the middle of anything meaningful San Diego have done this season. It is a shame that San Diego don't get to play Denver head to head for the AFC West title, they are matter/anti-matter like versions of each other. Rivers really has looked incredible recently (132.2 rating in his last three games! He hasn't thrown a pick in a month), it may be too late, but they are absolutely coming after a playoff spot.

14 - DENVER (-)
8-6, 1st AFC WEST
L 23-41 vNE, next @BUF

Elvis Dumervil's sack on Brady in the fourth quarter might have been the best hit I have seen all year. Just had me shaking my head muttering "that's a great hit". Anyway, a cautionary tale of what happens to this team when they do turn the ball over. New England might be the worst team in the NFL against which to have turnovers. Obviously their offense makes you pay, but it's crushing because you know the defense is so bad (much worse than Green Bay or New Orleans) you almost know you can get points on nearly every drive if you just hold onto the ball. New England scored 27 straight points on what was a previously excellent defense. It makes me laugh that the Broncos were so dominant early and terrible the rest of the game, I am absolutely bursting with schadenfraude. While, yes, perhaps I am a terrible person, give me a break, after what I've gone through the last eight weeks with this fucking team, I've earned it. If they can't beat a bad Buffalo team, they don't deserve to win, even the shitty AFC West.

15 - SEATTLE (-)
7-7, T-2nd NFC WEST
W 38-14 @CHI, next vSF

Marshawn Lynch now has TD's in 10 straight games (picking up two here, though he struggled generally with just 2.1YPC). I cannot believe I am typing those words, but he really seems to be...well...good now. David Hawthorne was also notable here, making a number of very big tackles (he had 6.5 in total). Who would have thought Seattle was in the top half of NFL teams at the start of the year (I had them as the worst team in the league after Week One)?

16 - ARIZONA (+2)
7-7, T-2nd NFC WEST
W 20-17 (OT) vCLE, next @CIN

Skelton (28/46, 313 yards a TD and a pick) does it again! Each week this becomes slightly less sarcastic and mean spirited.

17 - CINCINNATI (-)
8-6, 3rd AFC NORTH
W 20-13 @STL, next vARI

Honestly, with every passing game, Cincinnati looks more offensively inept. They have not passed 300 offensive yards in any of their last three games. Here, Dalton was 15/26 for 179 yards with a pick and Benson and Scott combined for 29 carries for just 96 yards (3.3YPC) against St. Louis of all teams (worst in total yards rushing against). Only the Rams inefficiency on third down (2/13) and the red zone (0/2) could save them.

18 - TENNESSEE (-5)
7-7, 2nd AFC SOUTH
L 13-27 @IND, next vJAX

While this game will be pointed to as the definitive reason the Titans are not going to the playoffs this year, Donald Brown (161 yards and a TD on 16 carries) is the symptom, not the cause. Tennessee has given up 545 yards rushing in its last four games at over 5 yards per carry. The pass defense (6th in YPA with 6.5) and Locker (108 yards on 16 throws with a TD, in what should be Hasselbeck's final game) make this team viable for future seasons.

19 - WASHINGTON (+1)
5-9, 4th NFC EAST
W 23-10 vNYG, next vMIN

I was genuinely surprised by how willing people were to look past the Redskins in this game. I guess the Giants were a party to that as well. As I said last week, Washington is a much improved football team. The secondary in particular comes in for congratulations, they had 10 defensed passes and three picks in this game.

20 - CAROLINA (+1)
5-9, 3rd NFC SOUTH
W 28-13 @HOU, next vTB

Only Wes Welker has more receiving yards than Steve Smith (1,217) this year. He is on pace to have his best year since 2005 (12 TDs, 1,563 yards). He's all the way back.

21 - PHILADELPHIA (+2)
6-8, 3rd NFC EAST
W 45-19 vNYJ, next @DAL

Vick (15/22 for 274 yards a pick and a TD) looked amazing in this game, quick and back to his best. His game against Dallas back in Week Eight was officially the last
vestige of hope for this Eagles team. He threw for an outrageous 12.5 YPA into an exceptional (usually) pass defense. Still too late. Yes - it is, don't do this to yourself.

22 - MIAMI (+2)
5-9, T-3rd AFC EAST
W 30-23 @BUF, next @NE

Reggie Bush ran for 203 yards. Matt Moore passed for a 122.3 rating. The Dolphins scored 30 points despite being 0 for 4 in the red zone. Guess which defense is getting a Christmas card from Todd Bowles this week?

23 - OAKLAND (-1)
7-7, T-2nd AFC WEST
L 27-28 vDET, next @KC

Oakland have led the AFC in penalties every year since 2003 (they had their usual ten in this game for 86 yards). That's incredible. To the point where I literally wonder if anyone in their organisation actually knows the rules of the game. For all the smoke and mirrors of the Palmer trade, the speed outside, the allegedly dominant front four (who are last in the league in YPC against with 5.2)...no Darren McFadden, no Oakland Raiders.

25 - KANSAS CITY (+5)
6-8, 4th AFC WEST
W 19-14 vGB, next vOAK

Jesus Christ, how much of an epic fucking douchebag must Todd Haley have been?

26 - CHICAGO (-6)
7-7, 3rd NFC NORTH
L 14-38 vSEA, next @GB

Hanie really had his moments here, particulary outside the pocket (as the Bears old offensive line problems reappeared, conceding 4 sacks and 9 hits, as they do occasionally). The first half was his best of the season (7/13 for 94 yards a TD and INT and 21 yards rushing)...then the second half happened. It's easy to forget (I might be guilty of this) that he has no one to really throw to. It's a really bad set of receivers. They miss Forte more as a receiver than a running back, as Barber, Colorado insanity aside, has done a servicable job running the football, but he couldn't catch a ball to save his life. The Bears could have survived without Cutler, they might have been able to survive without Forte, but without both, they needed a couple of extra wins pre-injury to stumble into the playoffs. A sad story.

26 - JACKSONVILLE (-1)
4-10, 3rd AFC SOUTH
L 14-41 @ATL, next @TEN

Atlanta was missing it's top corner, as well as its talented nickel back (I bet you've never read the words "talented" and "nickel back" in the same sentence before) in this game (Grimes and Hayden) and Jacksonville still had just 24 yards passing in the first half.

27 - BUFFALO (-1)
5-9, T-3rd AFC EAST
L 23-30 vMIA, next vDEN

Tarted up the final scoreline with meaningless points in the final 3 minutes after falling behind 30-13. CJ Spiller showed some development with 166 yards from scrimmage (including 7.6YPC against a team that is 3rd in YPC against with 3.6), but this has been an eye opening season for backers of Ryan Fitzpatrick. After opening with a 97.7 rating over the first seven games, he has a 66.2 rating since. Even New England might fancy stopping him in Week Seventeen.

28 - MINNESOTA (-1)
2-12, 4th NFC NORTH
L 20-42 vNO, next @WAS

Minnesota have a functioning offense (18th in YPG) which is something very few of the 5 win or less teams can boast. They have a top flight pass rush, led by Jared Allen (17.5), but with contributors from Brian Robison (6.0) and Everson Griffen (4.0) which ranks 4th in the league with 45 sacks. Despite losing Pat Williams, they are 6th in YPC against (3.8). The secondary is just that bad, even Tebow took them apart. Losing Winfield for the season isn't enough to explain, they were bad even when he was in there. The team should lose both him and Griffin (both were always overrated anyway), who are aging and rebuild from scratch, it's cost this team way too many games. They aren't a 2-12 team.

29 - CLEVELAND (+1)
4-10, 4th AFC NORTH
L 17-20 (OT) @ARI, next @BAL

If you feel like the Browns haven't played anyone of note this year, you're probably a hypothetical interlocular in my head I have fabricated to make a point. Outside their division, Cleveland has played Jacksonville, St. Louis, Seattle (in Ohio), Oakland, Tennessee, Indianapolis, Miami and Arizona. They have won their four games by a combined sixteen points.

30 - TAMPA BAY (-2)
4-10, 4th NFC SOUTH
L 15-31 vDAL, next @CAR

Where to begin? Were dominated in every facet of the game. Dallas had 90 yards rushing on 16 carries in the first half, Romo completed 18 throws on 22 attempts for three touchdowns and 189 yards. On the other side of the ball, they had 14 yards on 4 throws (they didn't throw the ball until they were down 14-0) and 1, yes, 1 first down in the first half. This game was over at 28-0, and yet probably the worst of it all was the red zone defense. Three different receivers, Austin, Bryant and Robinson, had TD receptions, and on none of those receptions, was a red shirt within about eight yards. Horrible, looked like the worst team in the NFL.

31 - ST. LOUIS (-)
2-12, 4th NFC WEST
L 13-20 vCIN, next @PIT

They are a Phil Dawson botched snap away from 1-13. It should be noted that Kellen Clemens (25/36 for 229 yards and a TD) passed for a higher rating (95.6, against a reasonably solid Cincinnati defense) than Sam Bradford has all year in 10 games. Hmm.

32 - INDIANAPOLIS (-)
1-13, 4th AFC SOUTH
W 27-13 vTEN, next vHOU

I don't want to alarm you Colt fans, and I don't know what the tie breakers for draft picks actually are, but you are one Blaine Gabbert 10/29 day away from losing that number one pick you covet so badly. For what it's worth, I agree with Ben in that the Colts should trade the pick for multiple picks. I'm not sure why you would be so keen to kick Manning out on his ass...hasn't the lesson from this debarcle been that he's pretty good? This injury being some retirement level injury seems bullshit to me. It seems you could get basically an entire offensive line or new linebackers or functioning defensive tackles for trading Luck and having a superior QB come in anyway.