6 comments Flaming Hot Takes on Deflated Balls and the New England Patriots

I have a history of hating the Patriots. They have been too good at football over the last decade and a half and they beat my favorite team in the Super Bowl, which did not please me. I almost got in a fight with three Patriots fans in Charleston, South Carolina in the early 2000's because I insisted Tom Brady wasn't as good as he's given credit for while arguing with them and waiting in line for a hot dog from a street vendor at 2:30am. I was very inebriated AND wrong, which are two states of being that go hand-in-hand well. I'm still not a huge fan of them, partly because of their famous fans (Hey, Bill Simmons!), but I get over it and I'm more impressed by their long-term excellence at this point. So it turns out they deflated footballs against the Colts (at least during the first half) in the AFC Championship Game against the Colts. They then used regular footballs in the second half and buried the Colts. It seems like they played better without the deflated footballs. Either way, this is not legal and they are being killed by the general public. By "the general public" I mean "sportswriters with hot takes." I'm not going to defend cheating and I do believe the Patriots will be and should be punished in some way, but it's never enough with the media for the Patriots to get punished, something VERY SEVERE must be done. Sportswriters say this is the ABSOLUTE TURNING POINT AND HERE'S SOMETHING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION THAT'S BEING WRITTEN BY ME RIGHT NOW SO PAY ATTENTION. That's how hot takes happen.

Again, I'm not going to defend cheating, and once they figure out who deflated the balls then the punishment needs to be handed down, but these draconian hot takes just make me laugh. I can still agree the Patriots were in the wrong while also laughing at those who react strongly to the Patriots being in the wrong. They'll be punished, it's just a matter of when and how badly. It's fun to discuss sportswriters freaking out over the integrity of the game being ruined. I love a good disaster.

I'll start with Gregg Doyel, who spent most of the week up to the AFC Championship Game getting in contrived and immature fights with the New England media as a way of getting the word out there that he now works for the "Indy Star" and furthering his burgeoning brand/app/whatever. There's no such thing as bad press and Doyel got some press for getting in pissing contests with the New England media. So of course he jumps on the story of the Patriots deflating footballs.

Here's the thing about DeflateGate, this silly idea that the New England Patriots used under-inflated footballs in the AFC Championship Game against the Colts:

It's not silly.

It's the Patriots.

Gregg seems to use this reasoning a lot. It's not whether Gil Hodges should be in the baseball Hall of Fame or not, it's that he is Gil Hodges and that's why he should be in the Hall of Fame. The state of existing is the only reasoning Gregg needs.

Lots of people will forever believe the Patriots cheated the Colts on Sunday. Why? Because it's the Patriots.

Insightful. It needed to be mentioned twice apparently that the Patriots are the Patriots. I feel prepared to move on now.

Either you are, or you are not, willing to cheat.

And Belichick is. The NFL found him guilty of – even responsible for – the Spygate scandal during the 2007 season.

And yet, Belichick managed to escape the death penalty. How could that be?

With very few exceptions, people can be divided into various either/or categories: Employed or unemployed. Smoker or nonsmoker.

Cheater or not a cheater.

Yes, with very few exceptions there are no shades of gray. It's one extreme or another. This is EXACTLY how life works. No areas for maneuvering between two extremes. Welcome to the Gregg Doyel reality, now have a seat on the couch or chair, but don't even think about putting your feet on the loveseat because it doesn't exist in his reality. There's a couch or a chair. Choose one.

Indiana knows about this. The Hoosiers hired Kelvin Sampson in 2007, shortly after he had been busted for NCAA recruiting violations involving impermissible phone calls at Oklahoma. The idea in Bloomington, surely, was this: No way he'd do it again.

Since coming to work for the "Indy Star" Gregg has also been doing a lot of this "I'm an Indian/Indianaite/Indianan like you and here is an example specific to Indiana" stuff.

He did it again.

Oops.

Cheaters cheat. It's what they do.

Now then, is that a definitive statement that Bill Belichick or the Patriots cheated the Colts on Sunday? Nope. It is not.

Yes, it is a definitive statement. Cheater or not a cheater. Belichick has been proven to be a cheater so that's what he is. Remember, "divided into either/or categories" that's how it all works?

But it's a definitive statement that his past history of cheating makes this allegation – which is ludicrous and absurd and really, really, hard to believe – not so ludicrous. Not so absurd.

Specifically if you are still a little butt hurt that you talked trash all the way up to the AFC Championship Game about how the Colts would win and then they got their ass kicked. It makes it easier to believe the allegations are not absurd in this instance.

Butt hurt or not butt hurt. That is the question. Choose one. 

This sort of thing has happened before. Deflating a football is a thing, thanks to Lane Kiffin's 2012 USC Trojans, who were fined and reprimanded by the Pac-12 for deflating footballs against Oregon. Kiffin denied it. A team equipment manager was fired. Was the equipment manager acting on his own? Well sure, that's possible.

Just like it's possible the Patriots are utterly and completely innocent of the allegation against them now, that they deflated one or more footballs on the sideline after NFL officials had examined them before kickoff.

Maybe Lane Kiffin did it. Bill Belichick is close to Nick Saban and Lane Kiffin is Nick Saban's offensive coordinator and Lane Kiffin has deflated balls before. Where was Lane Kiffin on Sunday evening?

First, any idea how easy it is to deflate a football?

No Gregg, I have no idea how to deflate a football. It sounds like a complicated procedure.

It requires one little needle. That's it. Hold the ball, jab the needle, listen for the hiss. Take the needle out.

Take the needle out or don't take the needle out. One or the other.

Second, any idea how awkward it feels to write this story from here, in Indianapolis, as if deflated balls might be the reason this city's team lost on Sunday? The footballs aren't the reason. That game wasn't about the Deflatriots. It was about the Patriots. They're better than the Colts, so much better than lots of us – the line starts right here – had given them credit for. The Patriots were tougher, more skilled, more poised and more innovative. In hindsight the Colts had no chance.

Nice way to bring the story of the Patriots deflating footballs back to you, while also linking your old hot takes. Really the deflating of footballs was about Gregg Doyel more than anything.

Third: What if?

Great point. It gives me a lot to think about.

What if the NFL finds that the Patriots were in fact using a football that was deflated below regulation levels? Maybe the NFL won't be able to determine when or how it happened.

What then?

Obviously Belichick will have to be stripped of his hoodie and forced to work slave labor in the mines of whatever country has the most dangerous mines to work in.

Maybe then Belichick will get the black lung after a day or two of working in the mines and he'll die. Because that's what Belichick deserves, to die.

I'm kidding of course. Doyel's suggestion isn't this extreme, but is equally as stupid.

I'll tell you what should happen: The Patriots should be removed from the Super Bowl. Which means the Colts should be going to Glendale.

An Indianapolis writer thinks the Colts deserve to go to the Super Bowl. Homer or not a homer? Choose one and there is no gray area.

Someone on the Patriots deflated those footballs, but I'm not sure that was the difference in the game nor does a satisfactory punishment seem to be to allow an unworthy team to be in the Super Bowl.

Will this happen? Of course not, which is why I'm mentioning it way down the story – it has to be said somewhere – but not starting this column with that idea. Because it's a preposterous idea, not worthy of the headline. The NFL would never, ever remove the Patriots from the Super Bowl, even if it does find they were using illegal footballs.

Nice troll job, Gregg. Here's how this troll job worked.

-Gregg says what SHOULD happen.

-Gregg says this won't happen.

-Gregg says his own idea of what should happen is so preposterous it doesn't deserve being mentioned in the headline.

-But again, the preposterous idea of what should happen wasn't so crazy or unworthy that Gregg doesn't think it shouldn't happen.

It's a nice way of coming up with a crazy punishment and then not standing by it.

Cheating can't be tolerated. Simple as that. A team can't use an under-inflated football, get caught, and then be allowed to play its next game – a game it reached by winning the one with the deflated football – as if nothing happened.

Cheating can't be tolerated. I can agree with that. But I thought sending the Colts to the Super Bowl was an unworthy idea that didn't merit a mention. Now all of a sudden it's the idea Gregg is building the end of this column around.

Contradictory or not contradictory. Choose one and there is no gray area.

Not a fine, not a docking of draft picks, not even a lifetime suspension of Belichick, though I would support all three, if the Patriots are found guilty of cheating. Sorry -- left out a word. If the Patriots are found guilty of cheating … again.

So the preposterous idea that won't happen and doesn't seem worthy of a headline is the best punishment for the Patriots in Gregg Doyel's opinion. I wonder if he understands how stupid this sounds.

Meantime, allow the system to run its course. The Patriots are innocent until proven guilty. They deserve that.

Even if lots of us have made up our minds already.

Because the Patriots deserve that, too.

(Bengoodfella burns himself closing the article because the hot take is still simmering)

Now Bob Kravitz chimes in with his own hot take about what should happen to the Patriots.

If the NFL deems that the Patriots doctored the footballs to the team's advantage in Sunday's game, one of two things must happen:

Indianapolis writers are all about there being two options. Obviously the two options here are:

1. Death penalty

2. Life imprisonment without parole

If Patriots owner Robert Kraft has an ounce of integrity, he will fire Bill Belichick immediately for toying with the integrity of the game for the second time in his otherwise magnificent career — the first issue being the SpyGate fiasco that earned Belichick and the team fines and a forfeited first-round draft choice.

Okay, that could happen. It sounds sort of dramatic though.

If Roger Goodell has an ounce of integrity,

We could stop here. The answer to this is known already. If it helps the NFL, Goodell does it. If it hurts the NFL, Goodell Jedi-waves it away.

and he's not spending all his time going to pre-game soirees at Kraft's mansion, he will not only fine Belichick and take away draft choices, but suspend the head coach for the upcoming Super Bowl.

Does this sound excessive?

The whole "ounce of integrity" thing sounds a bit dramatic.

It is very hard for me to believe — no, it's impossible for me to believe — that this was one large, cosmic accident. A deflated football, and we're talking about two pounds worth of deflation,

Yes, but not a real two pounds of deflation. A typical football weighs less than a pound. Otherwise quarterbacks would be slinging just short of the equivalent of two newborn babies around the field in the form of a football. So two pounds of air isn't two pounds like most people think of pounds. It's noticeable, but not to the extent Bob Kravitz paints it as being. The Colts-Patriots officials touched the football after every play and managed to not notice the ball was semi-deflated.

It's very hard for me to believe that some rogue ball boy, acting on his or her own, unilaterally decided to use a pressure gauge to independently take some of the air out of the ball.

There's only one way this could happen, and that's with Belichick's full knowledge and approval.

Nope, it could also happen with the approval of Josh McDaniels without Belichick knowing. Think Jon Gruden knew that Brad Johnson took air out of the football during the 2003 Super Bowl? Maybe, maybe not.

Go ahead and chalk it all up as sour grapes on the part of the Colts, who would have lost badly had they used a beach ball, a hockey puck or a badminton shuttlecock. But, the Colts noticed something odd about the football when D'Qwell Jackson intercepted Tom Brady. Jackson himself told me he didn't notice anything strange, but, then, the Colts want to distance themselves from this thing as much as they can.

So D'Qwell Jackson did or didn't notice something strange? Kravitz says Jackson noticed something strange, but Jackson claims he didn't notice something strange. Of course, Kravitz assumes Jackson is lying in order to show his ounce of integrity in protecting the very same cheaters that Kravitz claims lack integrity for covering up the use of deflated footballs. Jackson is either lying or he isn't.

General Manager Ryan Grigson walked over to the Colts public relations spot and took a phone call, and seemed quite perturbed. This was very unusual for a general manager who spends his time quietly watching the game from the press box.

Was this investigation inspired by the Colts? I have no doubt that it was.

So if Jackson is lying about noticing something strange, what does that say about his integrity? Or does he have integrity by staying out of his whole thing? What if Tom Brady is lying about noticing whether the football was deflated or not? Is he staying out of it or lacking an ounce of integrity?

This was cheating — pure and simple.

And either Kraft or Goodell have to do something very dramatic to make it clear that this kind of nonsense will not be tolerated.

If it was anybody but Belichick, if it was a coach who has no history of attempting to circumvent the rules, it would be worth a fine and maybe a draft choice.

See the penalty of deflating footballs isn't such a big deal, but because it's Bill Belichick it becomes a much bigger deal. Because as sportswriters love to point out, sports doesn't deal with innocent before guilty, but apparently sports does have an off-the-books "three strikes" or "repeat offender" rule that should be used for Belichick's latest transgression.

And here, too, is the shame of it: Belichick doesn't need to cheat. His team is that much better than anyone else, save the Seattle Seahawks. We'll find out more about that next Sunday.

Not if Gregg Doyel has his way.

Let's be honest about this: If the balls were properly inflated this past Sunday, the Patriots would have won…um…45-7. The footballs had little or nothing to do with the outcome. The Pats simply ran over the Colts. They out-coached them and out-played them. Badly.

Which is why it would be stupid to remove the Patriots from the Super Bowl.

Winning without honor, without integrity, is not winning. (Unless you're a myopic Patriots fan).

I can agree that winning without integrity isn't winning. To deflate a football against the rules is to lack integrity. I can't figure out how much integrity it really shows is lacking. The Patriots didn't win because they deflated the football. That much is agreed upon. Is deflating the football lack as much integrity as a baseball groundskeeper who landscapes the foul lines to favor the home team's hitters (such as helping the ball stay in play on bunts, etc)? Is deflating the football lack as much integrity as the Minnesota Twins starting fans behind home plate when the home team is at-bat? If Clayton Kershaw was found to have scuffed a baseball during a playoff game and the Dodgers went on to win the series, should Kershaw not be allowed to play in the next series when the Dodgers advance? Should the Dodgers even advance to the next series because they had a player cheat in the previous playoff series? I don't know the answers to these questions, so that's why it is hard for me to jump on the "LOOK AT THE LACK OF INTEGRITY!" train because I have no idea how deflating a football equates to other equal or non-equal minor changes that are legal or not legal in other sports. Does it lack integrity that Boise State's uniforms blend in with their playing surface, thereby giving the team a slight advantage at home?

It was instructive to spend early-morning Wednesday on a couple of Boston radio shows. They wanted to know if Aaron Rodgers should be penalized for admittedly over-inflating footballs. (Not if they're within the prescribed PSI). One wanted to know if Pete Carroll should be fired because so many Seahawks have been popped for using performance-enhancing drugs. One moron even rolled out the Nixonian “well everybody cheats'' argument, which inspired blind laughter on my part. All deflections from the issue at hand.

They are deflections, but also legitimate questions that need to be asked. If Seahawks players were busted for PED's, doesn't that lack integrity too? Why shouldn't Pete Carroll pay for this transgression? If a head coach knows the football his team is using was partially deflated, then wouldn't that same coach know his players are using PED's? Maybe.

Kraft needs to do the right thing. Goodell needs to do the right thing. Belichick should not be coaching in the Super Bowl, or worse.

Or worse. What's worse than not coaching in the Super Bowl? Should the Patriots be forced to trade Tom Brady? Perhaps the Patriots should be stripped of all draft picks until Bill Belichick is publicly drawn and quartered. Bob Kravitz knows deflating the footballs had no impact on the Colts-Patriots game and there is really no precedent in the NFL for deflating footballs, but one thing is for sure. The response must be severe, swift, and be "the right thing" even though few people even know what the fuck that is.

Chris Chase chimes in with his own hot take about how the Patriots should be disqualified from playing in the Super Bowl.

Cheat on a test in school? You fail, no questions asked.

Really? No questions asked? No questions like, "How did you cheat?," "Was anyone else cheating?," nothing like that?

Cheat on your taxes, the IRS will find you. It won’t be pretty.

They may not find you. I've seen plenty of people who cheat in minor ways on their taxes who have never been caught or audited.

The New England Patriots cheated in the AFC championship. As such, the team should be disqualified from the Super Bowl.

(The hot take sizzles on the ground)

Deflating 11 of 12 balls in Sunday’s game, as has been reported by ESPN, is a major violation and something that had a great affect on the game.

Apparently it has a 30+ point effect, even though the Patriots only used the deflated footballs during the first half.

Given the number of deflated balls, it’s almost impossible this was accident, meaning that someone in the New England organization willfully tampered with the rules to give his team an advantage.

Not exactly. Given that nearly all of the footballs were inflated to the wrong pressure it could show this was an accident. If the gauge measuring the pressure in the ball was in error or the person pumping up the balls had the wrong pressure (by accident) then it was a consistent error. If the footballs were all at different pressures with only half of the footballs at the wrong pressure then I could see how the rules have been tampered with. 11 of the 12 footballs being at the wrong level could speak to a consistent error in measuring the pressure. Of course I don't believe this happened, but a consistent error like this could show malfeasance or possibly just a basic error that caused the balls to be improperly inflated.

Of course, it’s not realistic to disqualify New England from the Super Bowl.

Why do the sportswriters who first suggest banning New England from the Super Bowl follow it up with "That's not realistic"? Stop suggesting this solution if the solution isn't realistic.

But, again, they should.

But, again, it's not realistic. But, again, they should. You know, if it weren't unrealistic. But, again, they still should. Though it is unrealistic. It's probably a good penalty. Even though it is unrealistic. Still, the NFL should ban the Patriots from the Super Bowl. It's just not realistic to do this. But, again, it should happen. If only it were realistic. Which it isn't. Though it should be.

The defenders of New England have been even more laughable than they were during the videotape controversy of 2007. “It doesn’t even help that much!” Sure it doesn’t. That’s why they were doing it. Of course it helps. Deflating gave Brady an easier grip on the ball (at least in the first half; there’s question about whether the balls were re-inflated at half time when it was 17-7).

I'm not a defender of New England. I simply know it was an advantage that didn't seem to show up too much on the scoreboard in the first half as compared to the Patriots performance in the second half without the deflated footballs. New England re-inflated the balls at halftime and began to destroy the Colts from that point on...with re-inflated footballs. I have no idea how much a deflated football affected this game and I don't know if anyone else has this answer either.

If it’s found out that Bill Belichick knew anything about this, even after the fact, Draconian sanctions are the only way to go...If Sean Payton gets suspended for an entire year because of Bountygate, Belichick deserves at least the same thing. He affected the sanctity of the game and fairness of one of the three biggest battles of the year.

I would disagree with this. I think intentionally injuring opposing players is worse than deflating footballs. I know deflating footballs involves the whole "integrity of the game" thing, but intentionally injuring opposing players is causing physical harm outside of the game being played. I think that's worse.

Draft picks should be taken away, not for one year, but for two or three, because the Pats are always picking toward the end of the first round anyway. Or take away some salary cap space, like the league unjustly did to the Washington Redskins and Dallas Cowboys.

Yes, the NFL should choose to take away salary cap space in the same injust way they did it to the Washington Redskins and Dallas Cowboys.

But I’ll happily blame the Patriots for being skeezy once again. I’ll blame Belichick because, as Goodell said about Payton during Bountygate, the head coach is supposed to know what’s going on with his team.

Oh, so you are going to use Roger Goodell's words as it pertains to knowing exactly what a supervisor's knowledge concerning his underlings actions should be? Okay then.

I’ll blame Tom Brady who clearly knew the balls were deflated but is getting off scot-free in this controversy because he’s the Golden Boy and is handsome and is married to a supermodel. (It’s amazing how no one criticizes Brady. He’s just as guilty as the others.) But there’s blame for others too.

How about the Patriots' center who handled the football on every play? How about the officials who handle the football after every play? The officials are there to enforce the rules and since deflating footballs by two or three pounds is just SO FUCKING NOTICEABLE one would wonder why the officials didn't notice.

But in the here and now, if the report is true, the New England Patriots should be hit hard. But they won’t and the Pats legacy will grow even more.

This will not deflate the Pats legacy.

With a Super Bowl win in two Sundays, people will be inclined to say Bill Belichick is the greatest coach of all time. But at what?

The greatest coach at football. I can't wait for Belichick to be up for Pro Football Hall of Fame induction. The NFL gets it's very own asterisked PED user when Belichick comes up for enshrinement.

Mark Kiszla is also prepared to blame Tom Brady and wonders why nothing ever sticks to him. Kiszla says Brady is like Barry Bonds. Yep, those words were written.

As I was writing this post, I found these words from Boomer Esiason. It doesn't excuse what the Patriots did or didn't do, but it shows there is more than the "It's just like the Patriots to stretch the rules" narrative that is being pushed. It seems other quarterbacks had an issue with the integrity of the game, including Saint Peyton Manning, who wanted to be allowed to scuff up the football. I'm sure he never scuffed it up without permission though.

Tom Brady is too good to be true. At age 37, the sexy quarterback of the New England Patriots looks cool, whether wearing a championship ring on his finger or Uggs on his feet. He married a supermodel straight from the pages of the Victoria's Secret catalogue. And his hair is perfect.

Not really. In his long hair phase, it was pretty disgusting. 

Too good to be true. Isn't that what we once believed about Tiger Woods and Lance Armstrong?

Deflating footballs is now equivalent to using PED's, slandering others when they choose to call you out on using PED's, and cheating on your wife. Got it. At least Kiszla comes out swinging and throwing his hot takes around. I'd be disappointed otherwise. 

In a league ruled by quarterbacks, made filthy rich by quarterbacks and personified by quarterbacks, Brady is the undisputed king. Oh, Peyton Manning might sing about chicken parm in a television commercial. It's Brady, however, who owns three Super Bowl rings. He's the No. 1 quarterback of his NFL-crazy generation.

Every generation is QB-crazy. It's the most publicized position in the NFL, which explains why fans are QB-crazy. 

Before any knucklehead calls for disqualification of New England from the Super Bowl tournament because the Pats played with squeezably soft footballs inflated significantly below the league requirements, let's make it clear the Colts, the Broncos or anybody else weren't going to win in Gillette Stadium on a rainy evening in January.

Because that's unrealistic. Though it should happen. But, again, it is unrealistic. Still, it should happen. 

But as defensive tackle Terrance Knighton, the social media conscience of the Denver locker room, declared on Twitter: "If the footballs were deflated by that amount, it's definitely cheating. Harder to fumble, easier to catch, and helps you throw further."

Who would benefit the most from the deflated footballs?

Brady.

As well as Blount and the Patriots' receivers. They would all benefit the most. Though I would also add that if the football is easier to catch then the opposing team's secondary should find it easier to intercept a pass, right? Maybe D'Qwell Jackson made the interception because the ball was deflated so much. 

Long on the record with his affinity for throwing with an underinflated football, Brady tossed three touchdown passes against Indy in wet conditions where having a firm grip on a slippery pigskin definitely could have helped him.

Peyton Manning is on record as liking a scuffed ball. If the Broncos ended up using a scuffed ball, does that mean Manning did it? 

But let me humbly ask: If suspected cheaters in baseball are treated with such disdain in Hall of Fame balloting and Armstrong fell so hard from grace for the same transgressions committed by so many cyclists in a tainted sport, then why is there not more outrage about the Patriots?

Oh dear God. Because using a deflated football is the same thing as using performance enhancing drugs? The are equivalent misdeeds? That's really what Mark Kiszla is claiming? This seems like a pretty tenuous comparison to me. 

Because cheaters never win. Or so are we were taught in elementary school.

It's not the truth that hurts. It's the shrapnel from the shattered myth that makes us bleed.

I have known for years that cheaters do win. No shattered myth here. 

Not all forms of cheating are created equal. But, in his heart, maybe, just maybe, Brady isn't all that different from Barry Bonds.
 
Yes, maybe Tom Brady is exactly like Barry Bonds. Really there is no difference in these two athletes. It's like Kiszla has a hot takes handbook with key words in it and he found the name "Barry Bonds" in the book, so he felt like adding Bonds' name to this column for maximum hot sports take result.

Maybe Tom Brady is more like Bernie Madoff. Brady asks for his fans to buy into him as a clean-cut guy who plays the game "the right way" but he's really taking the fans investment in him and then selling that investment to Satan himself, while continuing to ask for more investment in him as a football player and person, all while putting on a public face of being an angel. This public face of an angel tricks his investors into thinking Brady is doing something with their investment of love and fandom that he really isn't doing. At the end of the day, the fans have nothing to show for their investment in Brady, while he rides off into the sunset with Super Bowl trophies, MVP trophies, and his name as one of the greatest quarterbacks ever. Tom Brady is Bernie Madoff. 

Tom Brady you are a PED user who ran Ponzi Scheme so evil, which affected the outcome of the AFC Championship Game in such an obvious way, that even the officials who touched the football after every offensive play didn't know you were obviously taking the air out of the football. Go train for the upcoming baseball season with Barry Bonds and Alex Rodriguez and may the fates deal with you as they see fit.

3 comments Shut Down the Presses, Mark Kiszla Has the Hottest Sports Take the Interwebs Can Handle

I'm not sure if you heard or not, but LeBron James is going back to Cleveland to play for the Cavaliers. This news may have slipped through the cracks. Either way, prior to LeBron announcement he was going back home to Akron to play in Cleveland for the Cavaliers, Mark Kiszla had a hot sports take about LeBron. Wear your flame retardant suit, please, because this retardant take is extremely hot. See, LeBron may think he is the King, but Tim Duncan has the rings. It rhymes AND it's a play on "King James." It probably took 5-7 seconds to think of this brilliant column idea.

The NBA has a problem. His name is LeBron James.

The NBA's problem is that LeBron James is too good at playing basketball and brings too much interest to the NBA. He stays out of too much trouble and is too much of a role model for kids. He must be stopped immediately. Where's Tim Tebow when you need him? How dare LeBron inadvertently create interest in the NBA.

The league has sold its soul to the cult of King James. 

When the NBA sold its soul to Michael Jordan, that worked out terribly. I mean, there was all this interest in the NBA and one of the NBA's greatest players was winning titles. (Shudders) What a dark period that was. 

Remember when what happened on the court actually mattered in the NBA?  

Yes, I do remember late June. Do you remember when LeBron James played basketball (right now) and he became a free agent (this just happened) and he was able to choose a new team to play basketball for (this just happened)? This resulted in LeBron James joining the Cleveland Cavaliers (he's coming home) and improved the product that they will put on the court (coming this 14/15 NBA season) and that's why his free agency mattered, because he is going to make the team he chose matter on the court this upcoming season. 

These days, the only thing that really counts in the NBA is the courtship of the King. The wooing of James got so ridiculous, so fast, it even made 69-year-old Pat Riley look as desperate as a nerd begging for a date to the middle school dance.  

Pat Riley planned for two years to wait for LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, and Chris Bosh to be free agents so he could sign them. This resulted in four NBA Finals appearances and two NBA titles. But yeah, the fact Riley wanted to spend a day convincing LeBron to win more NBA titles, that was so pathetic. What a loser that Pat Riley is to court the best basketball player on the planet and try to convince him to come back and re-join the Heat. He should have played it cool like Dan Gilbert is known for doing and acted like an adult.  

James is either going back to Cleveland. Or he isn't. Next on "SportsCenter"!

Why is it LeBron James' fault that everyone (myself included) were speculating where he might end up signing? He has the right to take his time and choose the right team for him. 

Well, the San Antonio Spurs won their fifth championship of the Tim Duncan era with some of the most beautiful basketball ever seen. But that's trivial stuff. 

Because Tim Duncan has everything to do with where LeBron James plays during the 14/15 season.

So LeBron James is to blame for the speculation, and as Kiszla points out, Tim Duncan has won five NBA titles and plays beautiful basketball. That's totally relevant to the subject of LeBron James' free agency. 

While the world of social media spins out of control 24/7, one truth regarding sports remains the same, forever and always: It's all about the scoreboard, baby.

Okay, so while Tim Duncan is the king then that means Bill Russell has the rings, right? Or is it while Tim Duncan has the rings, Michael Jordan is the king and has the rings? Scoreboard, baby!

When that ceases to be the case, we might as well be watching Miley Cyrus twerk.

I don't really understand this reference. It seems like a forced pop culture reference to me. 

King James has no clothes.

I'm sure he can afford some now that he will be making $20+ million per year. Besides, it's the emperor who has no clothes, not the king.

And the NBA has been exposed as little more than his prop.

No, the NBA has been exposed as a league whose best player was a free agent and there was a lot of interest in where the NBA's best player would end up in free agency. Funny how this Denver-based writer didn't think the NFL wasn't Tim Tebow's prop during his time playing with the professionals. The interest in where LeBron ended up doesn't make the NBA a prop, it increased interest in the NBA.

To be sure, the two NBA championships won by James are nothing to sniff at.

Well, I'm glad he has your approval. I am sure it means a lot to LeBron to know a hack writer validates his championships as nothing to sniff at. 

That gives the King one more ring than Dirk Nowitzki. And one ring fewer than Brian Shaw earned as a player.

And still fewer rings than Robert Horry. ROBERT HORRY IS A BETTER PLAYER THAN LEBRON JAMES BECAUSE HE MORE CHAMPIONSHIP RINGS! SCOREBOARD, BABY!

Everybody in the league puts life on hold for LeBron.

The best basketball player on the planet is a free agent for the second time. This never happens. It never happens that the best basketball player on the planet is a free agent once, but to happen twice, and for him to go back to the team that originally drafted him? It's an interesting story. Dismiss it as uninteresting or an example of the NBA as a prop, but it's a unique situation. Also, what the hell happened to the Tim Duncan strawman argument? I was looking forward to criticizing that line of thought for it's randomness.

The King builds teams as he sees fit.

He had the right as a free agent to choose his next team and he took his time, smartly I might add, choosing his next team. Criticizing James for wanting to play for a winning team surrounded by other quality players is hypocrisy when talking about Tim Duncan playing a beautiful game of basketball. Tim Duncan wants to play for a winning team and he helped build the Spurs team as he saw fit by giving the team cap room to add other players on the roster. 

Hey, Houston Rockets, do you mind if free agent forward Chris Bosh puts you and your piddling $88 million offer on hold until James tells him it's OK what to do?

LeBron James didn't tell Chris Bosh to wait for him to make a decision. That was Bosh's decision to not sign with the Rockets until James chose a team. You can't blame everything on LeBron James. 

Wait until you check out the unbearable case of inferiority complex the Timberwolves would acquire if Kevin Love forsakes them for Cleveland, all because James snapped his fingers.

I'm pretty sure Minnesota already has that inferiority complex due to Kevin Love essentially saying he would never re-sign with the Timberwolves and Kevin Garnett leaving for Boston a few years ago because Danny Ainge promised him a dream team with the Celtics. 

Now, like some jealous little kid, Melo is afraid to announce whether he's staying in New York or joining the Lakers in the same news cycle as Decision 2.0 by James.

Carmelo's decision didn't have anything to do with LeBron. It had to do with him not being sure he didn't want to play in Chicago. Carmelo isn't sure where he wants to play. What a shock though. A Denver-based writer bashes Carmelo Anthony. 

James broke the hearts of Cleveland when he took his talents to South Beach in 2010. What he's doing now is making a mockery of the games, all the flyover franchises and NBA stars groveling to be LeBron's wingman.

No, he's choosing his next team. All of this other ancillary stuff wasn't his fault or his doing. He has a right to choose his next team in free agency and shouldn't be on Mark Kiszla's time table simply because Kiszla doesn't like the impact around the NBA LeBron's choice had. 

I don't begrudge James his power.

Mark Kiszla doesn't begrudge James his power, yet this entire column is Kiszla begruding LeBron James his power and criticizing James for taking time to make a decision in free agency. But no, he doesn't begrudge LeBron...just as long as you ignore this article as a great example this statement is a lie.

More power to him. James didn't write the rules of the collective bargaining agreement; he merely exploited them.

But you are acting like LeBron wrote the rules, forced NBA writers to speculate on his destination and intentionally isn't making a decision so that the entire NBA will revolve around him more than it already does. You also randomly bring up Tim Duncan in the conversation to show how LeBron doesn't have the rings worthy of being discussed at such length. 

But any league where the whim of one man is more important than the final score is dribbling down the wrong path.

The whim of James isn't more important than the final score. The season is over. There are no more games. There is no final score. There is no reason James' decision had anything to do with the final score of anything. You have no point. Stop writing crap like this. 

Anybody, however, who tells you James is as great as Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Bill Russell, Oscar Robertson or Hall of Famers who relished competition instead of moving on to whatever's convenient fails to realize how hard a meaningful legacy is earned in sports.

It does help that Bill Russell, Larry Bird, and Magic Johnson didn't have to leave their teams to find great Hall of Fame teammates. Check out the teams that LeBron carried on his back in Cleveland prior to 2010. Heck, compare the Heat teams from 2011-2014. The Celtics and Lakers teams with Russell, Bird and Magic had as many Hall of Fame players (and other quality NBA players) on the roster during the years they won titles as the Heat had during their four year run with LeBron. Whatever though, make up your own narrative through revisionist history. 

James wins Twitter.

Duncan wins rings.

Tim Duncan is also 37 years old. He had three NBA title at the age of 29 and LeBron James has two NBA titles at that same age. Randomly comparing Duncan at the end of his career, in terms of championship rings, to LeBron James in the prime of his career is a misleading comparison. 

You tell me who the real king is.
 
Um, Bill Russell or any other NBA player with more than five NBA titles on his resume? 

4 comments ...And From the Heavens Came a Tebow To Rescue Us All From the Sin of Losing

It's that time of the week again. It's time for a Denver columnist to suggest that the Broncos start Tim Tebow. I will apparently be writing about this continuously until it stops...and it must stop at some point. This time it is Mark Kiszla, and not Woody Paige (who seems to have learned that Orton should and will be the starter), who suggests this desperate move.

The title of this article is "McDaniels' Last Salvation--Tebow," which buys into the whole "Tebow is a Christian" theme where there seems to be an almost Christ-like adoration from those who write about him. I can't help but laugh at the use of the word "salvation" regarding Tebow becoming the starter. The use of semi-religious imagery when talking about Tebow is great in my book (by "great" I mean "slightly nauseating).

Kyle Orton is done as the Broncos' quarterback. He just doesn't know it yet. So what's the hang-up getting the Tim Tebow era started?

That small little detail that Tebow doesn't seem to be ready to be the starting quarterback of an NFL team yet. There is also the detail that Kyle Orton hasn't been the reason the Broncos have been losing games. The Broncos defense has given up 24, 14, 27, 20, 31, 24, and 59 points this year. They have won two games. I will let you guess which games they won based on the points they gave up.

(Spoiler alert: It's the two smallest numbers: 14 and 20)

As bad as the Broncos have been so far, the leader in their division is 4-2 and there doesn't seem to be an extraordinary strong team in the division. The division is still there for the taking. Sure, it will take some work, but it could be had. Orton is worth much more as a starter right now and Tebow will learn much more not being on the field right now as well.

Coach Josh McDaniels doesn't have the guts to tell his players their NFL season is dead.

NFL players aren't stupid, they would know if the season was over. So they know, they don't need a sports columnist telling them this. Putting Tebow in the game wouldn't do anything to make the players think the season is not over.

Good heavens, can Tebow save us from this mess?

He uses the word "heavens" when talking about Tebow. Every column pertaining to Tebow is like an allegory.

The humiliation of a 59-14 loss to Oakland will forever be stamped like an "L" on the forehead of Orton so long as he wears a Broncos uniform.

There's no bouncing back from this? Much like when the Cardinals got beat 47-7 by the Patriots in December 2008. Kurt Warner immediately went home and committed suicide...wait, no that's not right. The Cardinals recovered a few weeks later ended up going to, and almost winning the Super Bowl. So yes, there is no recovery from this loss if you want to be a drama queen about it.

It is not Kyle Orton's fault the defense gave up 59 points. He threw one interception. He could not have been able to keep pace with an offense that scores 59 points. Anyway, the Kyle Orton era is over because the Broncos defense sucks.

This defeat will leave a scar on true blue Broncomaniacs, and the rout was on from the instant Orton threw a pick-six that staked the Raiders to a two-touchdown lead before Denver could run its second offensive play from scrimmage.

Clearly, it is Orton's fault then. He gave up one of those pick-six's that results in the other team scoring 52 points for one interception. Notice the Broncos were already down 7 points when he threw this back-breaking interception...how did the other 45 points get scored? Is that Orton's fault too? Why do I get the feeling if Tebow was the QB then this article would be about how bad the defense was and how they let Tebow down by not supporting him?

His role is as a gimmick. That should not be the role of a first- round draft choice on a losing NFL team.

This statement leads to two conclusions:

1. The Broncos coaching staff has no clue how to evaluate quarterbacks by not knowing Tebow would play well while on the field.

2. Tim Tebow is not ready to be on the field as a starting quarterback.

Only Tebow can save McDaniels now.

Tebow can "save" McDaniels. He is EXACTLY like Jesus Christ, just much better looking and with bigger biceps.

But here's the tricky part: If Tebow can't play, then McDaniels is done in Denver.

Here's the really, really tricky part: What???

We won't know if Tebow can play for at least another season or two. How is this such a difficult concept to grasp? McDaniels may be done in Denver, but even if Tebow came out and looked good, if the defense isn't holding up its end of the deal then McDaniels still gets fired. It's like zero Denver-based sportswriters can understand this. Tebow was a first round pick, but he isn't ready to start right now. He may turn out to be a great quarterback, but it is going to take time to find out for sure. So it is borderline retarded (and I don't mean to insult any mentally handicapped people by comparing them to what Mark Kiszla is writing) to think if Tebow can't play THIS YEAR then he is a bust and McDaniels should be fired based on this.

McDaniels could have given the die-hards one reason to cheer by inserting Tebow at quarterback. McDaniels never made the move. Stubborn and stupid is no way to go through life.

Stupid and wrong is much more preferable to Kiszla.

"That's not really the time that I'd want (Tebow) to get work," said McDaniels, explaining why Orton played to the bitter end, at a time when the only dramatic thing Orton could have done was get injured during the final minutes of a blowout.

It sounds a little bit like Kiszla was hoping for Kyle Orton to get injured. If so, that's not cool at all.

What hope does McDaniels have to sell to franchise owner Pat Bowlen or all those people who bought No. 15 jerseys after Tebow was drafted?

It has not even been 7 months since Tebow was drafted. Give Tebow more time. Josh McDaniels is paid to win football games, not make the fan base happy by allowing the players the fans want to see in the game. If McDaniels panders to the fan base then he should just go ahead and fire himself. It doesn't matter how many jerseys with No. 15 on them were bought if Tebow isn't ready to be an NFL starting quarterback. That's the bottom line. Pander to the fan base and get fired. Make smart football decisions and you could still have a job.

I know what you are asking yourself? What does Peter King think about all of this? Peter was asked about whether the Broncos should switch QB's in his MMQB mailbag and he said:

If Orton is benched anytime soon, McDaniels should be fired. I believe his job is safe after the season unless he has a few more Sundays like the one he just had. Re the D, I think the losses of Elvis Dumervil and Robert Ayers have been debilitating.

This is coming from a Grade-A Tebow lover. Peter has been on record as saying he thinks Tebow appears to have a bright future in Denver. He also knows it wasn't Orton's fault the game ended up the way it did.

Although they have a flight scheduled to London, the Broncos aren't going anywhere this season.

Seriously, this was a sentence in this column. The Denver Post's editors have essentially given up by now, between editing crap like this and Woody Paige's columns.

Finishing 8-8 would be a major accomplishment. So why not let Tebow actually throw his first NFL pass or start his first league game?

Because 8-8 could win the division. I don't see the logic that because the Broncos are struggling they should put their second best quarterback in the game. Mark Kiszla is talking about sending messages to the team, what kind of message does that send to the defense? Does he believe they will try harder if Tebow is out there? Does he has some inspirational skills that will help the defense play better?

"Hey, I know you guys have been struggling defensively, but I am going to make your job a little bit harder. Don't bother thanking me, that look of disgust is thanks enough."

After a great showing in September, Orton has completed a pathetic 41 percent of his passes for an average of barely 200 yards per game in consecutive losses to the New York Jets and Raiders that have ripped the heart from Denver's will to win

This is shitty journalism at its best/worst. The Broncos offense had 5 turnovers in those two games. They had 8 fumbles in the game and lost 4 of them. The team around the quarterback position was bad as well in both games. Orton threw one interception and put up 20 points against the Jets. He could have played better in that game, but it is not just his fault the Broncos lost. The game against the Raiders is in no way his fault because the Raiders scored 59 points on the Broncos. That's not on Orton.

As soon as McDaniels gives a start to Tebow, the coach basically informs 37-year-old safety Brian Dawkins and 34-year-old nose tackle Jamal Williams the Broncos are playing for a future in which it's impossible to imagine how they fit in.

And this would be a good thing for the Broncos? So the solution to the problem is to insert Tebow as the starting quarterback so the offense can regress and the defense can become demoralized?

Go with Tebow as the starter, and Bailey might be glad Denver pulled that offer of a contract extension from the table, so the veteran cornerback can find a franchise closer to championship contention as a free agent.

We all know chasing away somewhat quality defensive players is the key to creating a successful team. Champ Bailey isn't stupid. He knows if this Broncos team is going anywhere or not. He doesn't need Tebow starting to tell him this. He is a free agent after this year, so he doesn't need a sign from the Broncos to find a franchise closer to winning a championship, he can do that on his own in a couple of months.

As soon as Denver starts Tebow at quarterback, the clock starts ticking on McDaniels' last chance to show he is competent at building and coaching a successful NFL franchise.

This logic may be correct, so why would McDaniels put Tebow out there if he isn't ready to be out there? This is a better argument to keep Tebow on the bench, yet somehow Kiszla sees it as a reason to start him.

Sooner rather than later, the lone way McDaniels can silence the booing of Broncomaniacs directed at him will be to send Tebow marching into the Denver huddle.

If Pat Bowlen bases his coaching decisions on who the fans want to see coaching the team then this franchise is destined for failure. What will happen is Tebow will get sent out to start a game, he will probably not be incredibly impressive and then the fans will hate McDaniels anyway because he is a quarterback coach who can't coach quarterbacks. I can already see the article getting written with this very sentence in it.

The Broncos are in a shit-load of trouble if they lose another game, but the latest loss was not the fault of Kyle Orton because he doesn't play defense. If Tebow is ready to start, then absolutely start him, but Orton has shown himself to be competent enough at this point and the Broncos probably should not be making changes this early in the season that indicates they have given up on the season. Everyone seems to believe Tebow is the answer to all that ails the Broncos. I actually want him to play 2-3 games just to show them perhaps they are wrong.