If you have to explain your jokes then the joke was never funny in the first place. So I am not going to explain my title, just say that I think "Dumb and Dumber" was the funniest movie of the 90's so I wanted to reference it. Yes, I realize I sound a little bit like Bill Simmons but it is the perfect comedy because it has Jim Carrey when he wasn't in his "I have to be overly outrageous in every scene I am in" mode, the surprising ability of Jeff Daniels to be funny, the Farrelly Brothers before they decided the best way to do comedy was through controversial jokes that felt slightly forced, it is insanely quoteable, and it had an actual plot that moved along with very few slow points.
It has every funny situation in one movie. Road trip movie? Yes. Outsiders trying to fit in? Yes. Stupid guy chasing a girl he will never have? Yes. Two idiots involved in a misunderstanding that lead to comedic consequences? Yes. That's all the Simmonizing I am going to do today. I would just like to think when asked how the Phillies were going to get Jamie Moyer out of the rotation, Ruben Amaro Jr. looked at his questioner with a mouthful of food and in a proud moment said, "Uh, I took care of it."
What's the opposite of someone having a good point? Whatever it is, that's what Mike Celizic has. He is comfortable talking about the Yankees and the Red Sox and that's about it. Even though he really sucks at it, he at least says some stupid things that can be defended by other people with their brains turned off. Then there are other times he is just critical to be critical (I don't know anyone else like that) and he loses his point or never even has a point. He doesn't like the Pedro signing for the Phillies. In fact he thinks it is a desperate signing...mostly because John Smoltz didn't work out for the Red Sox. So I guess everything does come back to the Red Sox or Yankees for Hat Guy in the end.
OPINION
By Mike Celizic
What it should be called:
IDIOCY
By Mike Celizic
The NL East should be wrapped up by now.
No, it should not be wrapped up by now. It is mid-August and simply because the Mets are struggling this year due to injuries, it doesn't mean there are no other good teams in the NL East.
And it would be except for the fact that the Phillies, like all Philadelphia sports teams, have a congenital need to make everything harder than it has to be.
False. The NL East is not wrapped up by now because the Braves and Marlins are 7-3 and 6-4 over their last 10 games, while the Phillies are 5-5 over their last 10 games. The teams are also 5 and 4.5 games out respectively, and this is with a massive Phillies win streak back in July. This race should actually be just as close as it is, if not closer.
The front office, too, is feeling the heat generated by a team that has everything a team needs to defend a championship except the most vital ingredient of all — pitching.
That is why they traded for Cliff Lee.
And so, after their deadline trade for Cliff Lee, the Phillies have rolled out their latest hope — some might call it more of a prayer — to solve their pitching problems.
I am on record as not being in mad love with Pedro Martinez at this stage of his career. I am also on record as saying he is a great fit for the Phillies because they can score runs and just need a guy to give them 5-6 innings and only give up 3 runs. The Phillies have enough offense to carry a pitcher.
Removing a guy who has a 5.00+ ERA from the rotation is a smart move and signing someone who can beat that ERA is nowhere near a prayer.
It is a gamble of the sort that rarely works.
What sort of gamble is this and when has it rarely worked? I still don't see how signing a guy for $1 million dollars to get 7 starts before the end of the season and replace the worst starter in the National League is a gamble.
There is really no precedent for this, unless you want to count Clemens signing with the Yankees mid-season.
The Red Sox, another team undergoing a late-season meltdown, ran a similar experiment with John Smoltz that blew up in their faces.
I don't see the similarity between these two situations. The Red Sox signed Smoltz way back in February or March and knew he wasn't going to pitch until June at the earliest. In retrospect it didn't work out too well, especially for the money they paid him, but they didn't sign Smoltz because they were having a late season meltdown and wanted to see if he could help stop it, they signed him before the season even started.
Hat Guy needs to get his facts and timeline straight. I have come to the conclusion most sports columnists can pretty much write whatever it is they want and no one will correct or question them. Accuracy be damned, that column is going out.
But when you have gaping holes in your starting rotation and a team ERA that’s among the worst in the league, these are the sorts of things you do. You grasp at straws — or aging pitchers — and hope for the best.
They signed Smoltz way before they had these rotation problems. In all honesty, the Red Sox rotation looked great going into the season and Smoltz was just a cherry on top.
See how quickly Celizic gets back on the topic of the Red Sox and Yankees?
When the Phillies get everything together, they look like the defending world champions. They last did that from July 3-28, when they went 19-3, including 10 straight wins and a streak of 14 out of 15. At the end of that streak, they had a seven-game lead in the division.
I am still wondering how Celizic expects the NL East division race to be over by now. The Phillies went on a streak of winning 14 out of 15 games when there was no other team in the division playing exceptionally well and still only had a 7 game lead at the end of that streak.
And so we end up with Pedro, determined to prove that last year’s 5-6 record and career-high 5.61 ERA with the Mets were a mirage and that he can still get people out in the big leagues.
He is no longer the Pedro that everyone has been in awe of in the past but he can still get batters out for 5-6 innings and that is all the Phillies need.
He pitched decently in his debut, allowing three runs in five innings and benefiting from a 12-run output from Philly's offense.
That is exactly what they need from Pedro. Granted, the Phillies aren't going to get 12 runs every game, but how is signing Pedro a desperate move if he gave them the exact thing that he was signed to give them?
He struck out 11 Class AA minor leaguers in his last rehab start and managed to crank his fastball up to 93 mph.
Of course he did. I sort of disparaged him a few days earlier for not being a great pitcher anymore. When I publicly knock a player, he will immediately start playing well. I am personally responsible (along with PED's) for Javy Lopez's 2003 season and his big contract with the Orioles. He owes me at least 1% of the contract amount. I was at a Braves game in 2003 and said the Braves may as well put a pile of shit on the plate and let it hit in place of Javy...and then he hit a home run while all the Braves fans around me looked at me like I was an idiot.
So it doesn't shock me Pedro pitched well after I said he was done...which he is done. His "done" is just better than another player's "done."
It’s asking a lot, but if you’re going to ask anybody to take on that job, Pedro’s your man.
Remember the premise of this column is that signing Pedro was a desperation move for the Phillies. Now you will find Celizic saying that Pedro can still be a good pitcher. He can't even stick to the premise of his own column.
Unlike Smoltz, a power pitcher who lost his power, Pedro is a thinking man’s pitcher.
No, no, no, no. This is blatantly incorrect. In nearly every single Smoltz start when doing their 25 minute analysis of John Smoltz and the Red Sox baseball game that was played that day, SportsCenter highlighted two things for nearly every single John Smoltz pitch they showed...the location and the pitch speed. The location was down the middle of the plate and the pitch speed was 93 MPH. Smoltz is 42 years old and he is a power pitcher but he did not lose his power, he lost his ability to control the location of his pitches. I don't even know how this guy has a column at this point. I just assume whatever he writes is going to be wrong, and generally I am right.
When he was young, he blew people away. As he got older, he learned to trick them into submission, serving up a baffling variety of pitches thrown on the edges of the zone at widely varying speeds. If you watch him long enough, you’ll be convinced that he could get people out if he had to lob the ball underhand.
Celizic has Amelia Bedelia'd his way through half of his column already and we still don't know why signing Pedro was a desperation move for the Phillies. So far the only conclusions I can draw is that Mike Celizic doesn't pay good enough attention to what is happening in a baseball because he doesn't understand why the Phillies signed Pedro. He also needs to stop talking about all the ways Pedro Martinez can get hitters out because he is completely undermining his column's premise.
That’s not true, of course, and his experience with the Mets last year is proof enough of that. And his minor-league starts show that he’s not going to go deep into games anymore.
I am repeating myself now. He doesn't have to go far into the games with the Phillies. His job is to give 5-6 innings and give up 3 runs and then hope the bullpen can hold the lead or the offense can win a close game. This is not a desperate strategy in hoping to get this from a 5th starter, this is a calculated risk. This option easily surpasses the other option which was to hope Jamie Moyer doesn't get hit too hard in the first couple of innings so the Phillies offense can come back and win the game.
And the Phillies are in such a dither that they were willing to banish their winningest pitcher, Jamie Moyer, to the bullpen to make room for him in the rotation.
Dammit! Wins are a horrible way of deciding whether a pitcher is any good or not. A freaking horrible way. I wish wins and saves would just go the hell away. They are misleading statistics designed to get players new, larger and better contracts. The mere fact a guy with a horrible ERA like Jamie Moyer has also has 10 wins should really get more people on board the "anti-win" train with me.
Despite his 10 wins, the 46-year-old junk-ball artist has a 5.47 ERA and gives up a frightening number of hits.
This sentence should read, "Despite the fact the 46-year-old junk-ball artist has a 5.47 ERA and gives up a frightening number of hits, he still has 10 wins. This is a testament to how potent the Phillies offense can be and shows why the Phillies believe having a guy like Pedro is good for the team."
What the Phillies are saying is that they believe that’s a bar that Pedro won’t have a great deal of trouble clearing.
This sentence should read: "He would be like a quarterback in the NFL whose job is to manage the game. He won't make huge mistakes to get the Phillies behind, but he is also capable enough to make make great pitches when he needs to. Mostly his job is to make sure the Phillies stay in the game."
That is a much better group of sentences. Considering Moyer was the worst starter in the National League, Pedro should not have to struggle to clear the 5.47 ERA bar.
And there’s the problem. Even if Pedro pitches well, he’s going to be gone after six and then it’s going to be in the hands of a shaky bullpen with a Styrofoam anchor — Lidge.
The fact the bullpen is shaky right now really has very little to do with the signing of Pedro Martinez. The bullpen is going to have to perform at some point during the season regardless of who is pitching for the Phillies.
This doesn't make the Pedro signing a massive risk or a desperation move because this is going to be a problem the Phillies have with Jamie Moyer on the mound as well. The Phillies signed Cliff Lee to be the ace of the staff, they don't need Martinez to be that guy anymore...mostly because they know he can't be.
Jamie Moyer last threw a complete game in 2007. He was averaging about 5 2/3 innings per start for 2009, 6 innings per start in 2008, and 6 innings per start in 2007. The odds are that if they had kept Jamie Moyer in the rotation he would also be gone after 6 innings, except he would have given up more runs than Pedro Martinez would. It would have been desperate to keep Moyer in the rotation.
There doesn’t seem to be a solution, unless it’s moving starter Brett Myers back to the bullpen, where he was last the closer in 2007, picking up 21 saves in 24 opportunities.
Celizic is confusing the issues here. The issue is whether signing Pedro Martinez was a desperation move for the Philadelphia Phillies, not whether the bullpen is any good for the Phillies. No matter who starts for the Phillies if the bullpen really stinks then the team is not going to succeed. Unless Cliff Lee and Cole Hamels plan on throwing 15 complete games before the end of the season.
If the bullpen stinks, then the bullpen stinks, but this should not be a reason to forgo improving the starting rotation. There aren't too many starters available that will be able to pitch 9 innings every start and take the shaky bullpen out of the equation.
Right now, it’s all about a team trying desperately not to fall into old Philadelphia habits and gag on what once looked like an insurmountable lead.
What the hell is he talking about? The Phillies have come back from behind the past two seasons to take the division from the New York Mets AND they won the World Series last year. Maybe other Philadelphia teams have choked in the past but the past couple of seasons the Phillies have not done so. Has Celizic even paid attention to baseball over the past couple of seasons?
Right now, it’s all about the newest savior on Broad Street, Pedro Martinez.
He's not a savior. He is a 5th starter and he is a better option than Jamie Moyer.
-I am sure everyone heard that Mike Vick signed with the Eagles.
This surprised me a little bit. My initial thought was, "crap the Panthers play the Eagles first game of the season. I bet they are going to have all kinds of tricks up their sleeve for the game." Then I realized Vick will be suspended for the first games of the season. I guess I still have bad memories of Vick when he played for the Falcons. If I never saw him play football again, it would be too soon.
My second thought was that I was completely right and Michael Smith was completely speculating on ESPN the other night when he said the Panthers would sign Vick and I am glad I don't have to shave words into my head.
Donovan McNabb also "signed off" on this acquisition and I can't help but think that is bullshit. McNabb has sort of been on the chopping block in Philly at times over the past couple of seasons. I just can't imagine he would want the guy who used to be the poster child for the NFL coming on the Eagles roster. If McNabb struggles aren't the fans going to clamor for Mike Vick to be playing? Especially if Vick comes out and plays well over his first couple of games and McNabb struggled a bit while Vick was suspended. I don't personally care if there is a quarterback controversy but since McNabb got all bent out of shape when the Eagles drafted Kevin Kolb, I just don't see how he would sign off on the Vick acquisition.
The Falcons tried so hard to draft good, young receivers early in the NFL Draft to put around Vick and the Eagles do have guys like DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin around Vick when he is activated. I found the parallel of Vick having high draft pick receivers to throw to in Atlanta and now in Philadelphia to be interesting. The Eagles have a lot of playermakers on that roster this year and they could be interesting to watch but there is only one football and I wonder how creative they are going to be to get the ball to everyone.
I thought the Eagles were an odd team to sign Vick...especially to a 2 year contract. The second year is an option, so I guess that makes some sense. I guess the Eagles wanted someone who could make an impact as a backup QB.
My favorite part about all of this is many analysts are going to try and predict how the Eagles are going to do this year based on this acquisition and will analyze how this affects the NFC East. How the hell do they know for sure? Vick hasn't played in two years, so any predictions on how this will affect the Eagles are not even educated guesses, but just pure guesses. Things are going to be interesting in Philadelphia this fall, I know that much.
Showing posts with label Jamie Moyer may or may not be on steroids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jamie Moyer may or may not be on steroids. Show all posts
Friday, August 14, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
22 comments Super Bowl Super Chat with Bill Simmons
LarryB (if that is his real name) at FireJay has already covered parts of this chat but I wanted to try and tackle the parts that he did not do. Basically, I don't want to cover the same ground he does but I really, really want to do a Bill Simmons chat, so I will. FireJay is like the evil corporation that has more people working for it, better writing, more people prefer it, and they offer just a better overall product, while this blog is a one man shop that is just barely staying a float because of loyal customers (defined as, "they keep forgetting to delete the link and putting it in their recycle bin") and good customer service (this being defined as, "I make mistakes my readers catch"), not to mention at one point J.S. at our blog hinted that Jamie Moyer may be on steroids and even put a tag up about it. That has to be worth something. This comparison really made more sense in my head and has gone downhill quite quickly. My point is that I try to not cover items that are already covered by other blogs that I link to, but I am making an exception for this one.
Alex (Olathe, KS): When your daughter makes the WNBA a legitimate sport, are you going to cover it as objectively as Larry Fitzgerald Sr. is handling the Super Bowl?
Since when has Bill Simmons covered anything objectively? The answer: Never. He would make out his daughter to be the greatest and most wonderful WNBA player since Lisa Leslie and then compare her to Larry Bird and make up a corollary about her.
Anthony (Solon, IA): Disagree about Mo Williams. I've added and dropped him from my fantasy team roster, and finally decided that he isn't worthy of a roster spot on my team. A guy who isn't good enough for my fantasy team isn't good enough for the All-Star game. My wife just added Williams to her fantasy team, which means he will never be on the waiver wire again. And yes, my wife plays fantasy hoops with me. Feel free to be jealous now.
Why would anyone be jealous that this guy's wife plays in his fantasy league? Do you think she tells her friends, "go ahead and be jealous of me that Anthony comes to the Tupperware meetings with me," I seriously doubt it. A woman being in the same fantasy league as her husband is cool...and also borderline controlling if she only does it to monitor his activity. You see a really cool girl and I see a woman who wants to control everything.
Everyone thinks their wife/significant other is cool. If they thought they sucked that person would not be with their significant other, unless they hated themselves or had a air tight pre-nuptial agreement that would cause a massive loss in income should a divorce arise.
Bill Simmons: See, this is why I hate arguing about All Star teams. I couldn't agree more with Kenny Smith - it's EASY to put up good stats on bad teams or mediocre teams.
You mean like Kevin Durant on the Oklahoma City Thunder???? I busted you Bill Simmons! If it is so easy to put up great numbers on a bad team then how the hell is Kevin Durant underrated?
The answer is that he is not and you are not smart. I own you now.
Paul (SF): Should the Red Sox put a clause in Varitek's contract that says he doesn't get paid if he hit less that .150?
Bill Simmons: So I think they appeal to his pride as a man and say, "We'll give you 10 million." But if you aren't hitting .220 at the All Star Break, you HAVE TO RETIRE.
Retire?...but Varitek is so good at handling a pitching staff and they trust him. Why would he retire when he is performing at such a high level? Can anyone else believe the Red Sox gave Varitek $5 million dollars and made him the 7th highest paid catcher in baseball? Look here.
If his name was Frank Griffin he would get a 2 year $3 million deal and back up some young guy coming up from the minors.
Conrad (Phila.): Sorry about the Dooze. As someone who watched his dog get run over by a car, losing a dog before they're supposed to is tough. Now that that's out of the way, you're an idiot -- Manny Ramirez is perfectly rated. He's just a nut case. That's why nobody wants him; nobody doesn't say he isn't like one of the top 10 hitters in baseball EVER . . .
Conrad, I don't like your name, but now that we have that out of the way, thanks for bringing this to Bill's attention.
Bill Simmons: But he's not! He is NOT properly rated! Here is a guy who got on base 24 of 36 times in the 2008 postseason and the fans of teams like Anaheim and Texas and San Fran aren't clamoring for their GM's to sign him.
Really? What about this and this?
It's a smear campaign. How could anyone NOT think this guy would produce for 3 years if you gave him $75 million... in a league that's given AJ Burnett and Barry Zito huge money? I am just flabbergasted by this whole thing. His teams have won everywhere he's gone. Without fail.
There is no question about whether Manny is a great hitter, no one doubts that, the question is whether he is worth $20+ million dollars. Also, his teams winning also have something to do with the other players on the team. It's not like you could throw him on the Texas Rangers and they would be in the World Series. Sometimes its like Bill doesn't even want to pay attention when he potentially could be wrong.
Bill Simmons: Manny got manipulated by his agent. We know that much.
How the hell do we know that much? When I google "Manny manipulated by agent" up comes Bill's column first. We don't know that much simply because Bill Simmons is a first grade homer who has no inside information and lives 3,000 miles away from Boston and he says it is so.
The Sox did neither. They let him twist in the wind. Did he deserve that after giving them 7 HUGE years and helping them win two titles? I say no.
Twisting in the wind? Sort of what the Red Sox did this winter with Varitek and the "take or leave it" contract offer? Of course, Bill doesn't say anything about that and seems to actually agree with the position the Red Sox took with Variteak because it is not a question of treating a baseball player right, it is really a matter of production.
Pflug (Queens, NY): I am totally with you on Manny, I think he's going to absolutely rake wherever he winds up next year (crossing my fingers for the Mets to pony up the cash). If he stays in the NL for a full season, is there a chance of him hitting .400?
Who the hell is arguing that Manny will not rake wherever he goes next year? I want to meet this person that is furthering this myth because I am very tired of someone arguing this point in the "Is Manny overrated" argument.
Zo (Arlington, VA): So, you have started a new Hall of Fame: The Donovan McNabb Comedy Hall of Fame for athletes/entertainers who try to be funny in such an awkward manner that it is actually more creepy than anything. So, you have McNabb and Kobe. I would also throw in Superbowl Week with Kurt Warner as well. Who else joins the club?
(Spitting up bile on keyboard)
I just started a new Hall of Fame: The Bill Simmons' Same Stale Joke Reader Regurgitation Hall of Fame and Zo, you just made it! Congratulations, now go drink Drano and think about what a tool you are.
Tom (Meridian, Idaho): Bill. We haven't heard your thoughts on Jim Rice FINALLY making the Hall of Fame. What's the over/under on the length of his speech? 5 minutes, 10? My bet is he says thanks, then sits down and lets Ricky talk for the next hour.
Bill Simmons: Talked about it on a podcast a little. My thoughts go like this: If he wasn't a HOFer for 14 years, why is he one now?
Bill and I can agree on this together.
Sean (New York, NY): Speaking of books, What's your take on the new Joe Torre book?
Bill Simmons: I just don't think someone like Terry Francona would write a book throwing Sox players under the bus in 5 years. He has more respect for the job than that.
Terry Francona would not write a book throwing Red Sox players under the bus because that is Red Sox management's job. All I hear Bill talk about in regards to Manny Ramirez is how he got smeared by Red Sox management and now no one will sign him. Francona doesn't have to write a book because the front office is able to throw players under the bus just fine without his help.
Chris (Carson City, NV): Hey, has any "rivalry" over the past 10 years been as much of a one-sided beat down as Spurs/Suns? I almost feel bad for Nash and them. Almost.
Bill Simmons: Agreed. It's definitely "feud" and not a "rivalry."
You mean kind of like the Yankees and Red Sox were for almost 90 years before 2004? Yet, the "rivalry" was pumped up constantly by the media. This is not Bill's fault, but I felt the need to point out how much I hate the hype filled media again.
Ryan, Chapel HIll NC: If Kobe wins a ring without Shaq, where does he go down in NBA History? Is he in Bird and Magic's class (top 5-7 in history)?
Bill Simmons: He moves into the top-12. Not sure where. Definitely not higher than 8.
At that point he moves into the top 12. He will never surpass Bird or Magic because they are the best ever, even though it would be pretty impressive if Kobe won a title without another Hall of Fame type player on the team, which is something Magic and Bird never did.
Jamie, Milton, MA: The Bruins need you....
Does this sentence end with, "to stop hopping on the bandwagon, you bag of douche?"
Bill Simmons: I will be there in April. I can't start watching hockey until after March Madness. I am monitoring from afar and couldn't feel more proud for the long suffering fans. The bottom line is that the salary cap has eliminated the franchise's biggest obstacle for the last 30-plus years: The cheap-ass owner. So the B's actually have a shot at winning a Cup.
Bill can't cheer for a team unless the owner is able to spend more money than God to acquire players for the team. What's the point if you are only cheering for a team that can't outspend everyone, and the salary cap finally evened the playing field and now Bill is able to hop back on the bandwagon. This is one of the worst examples I have heard of a writer jumping off a bandwagon and then publicly jumping right back on the bandwagon. Basically this is like if I started cheering for the New Orleans Hornets.
Lino Viola (Boston, MA): Who wins in a seven game series- Last years Celtics or the '86 Celtics?
Do you know who loses on this question? The public when Bill creates an entire column around this premise. It is coming, just hold on and wait for it.
Daniel (Heidelberg, Germany): You've written before about the impact you believe the performers at halftime of the Super Bowl have had on the game. In light of that, which songs do you think Bruce is going to perform at the game, and which team will potentially benefit from those songs?
Bill Simmons: let's say the Cards are up 14-10 at halftime, the question would be, what would be the best Bruce song at halftime to make their fans believe that the impossible was about to happen (ala "Beautiful Day" for the 2001 Pats). For some reason I feel like it woulkd be "Badlands." It's a happy/energetic song but at the same time, the Cards franchise has really been the "Badlands." if he breaks that one out and Zona is in the game, I am banging Zona for the second half.
You have to be stupid or Bill Simmons to think the halftime music really makes a difference. Were the Giants pumped last year by hearing Tom Petty sing "Running Down a Dream" at halftime? Probably not, because they were so focused on the actual football game that was going to be played in 20 minutes. It is insane to think the fans can make a big difference in the outcome of the game. It is also ridiculous to think the music makes a difference. The fans may actually think something good will happen based on the music, but the fans have no bearing on the players and how they play in a football game, I saw that first hand earlier this January.
Brock (Idaho Falls, Id): So Pujols is lobbying to have the Cardinals offer Manny a contract. Now this is a long shot, no scratch that, a looooooooooong shot, but would that be the greatest 3-4 hitter combo in history?
Bill Simmons: If that is true, God help the National League. I do wonder though how these mid-market teams (like STL or Det) aren't going to get just murdered by the recession with their ticket sales this season.
I am not sure if Bill has heard, or he has his head too far up his ass, but the St. Louis Cardinals have a wonderful fan base that always support their team and show up for games religiously. I know the Red Sox have such a WONDERFUL fan base that is unique in that they are able to constantly acquire new fans through winning, but for baseball knowledge and loyalty to their team, I would put the Cardinals near the top. I don't think St. Louis is going to struggle too much. More on this in a few months, but Detroit could rebound this year, which means they would be a good team and may actually get fans to the stadium.
Bill posted a semi-decent pseudo hindsight 20/20 diary of the Super Bowl. It was not that bad but there were parts that annoyed me.
I spent most of my night talking to friends and having inane conversations such as when my friend Ace and I tried to figure out if there was a sports equivalent to Sondra Locke's career.
I am just amazed Bill has loser-ish friends that debate this type stuff with him. Does anyone have a friend named Ace who does not have a ponytail? Every Ace I can think of either had long hair or a ponytail.
9:03 -- Warner to Boldin for a first down. Madden attributes Warner's recent resurgence to the fact that he's playing with gloves and he's 22 pounds lighter than he once was.
I don't like it when quarterbacks play with gloves on their hands. It annoys me for some reason. Maybe it was the David Carr experiment. I still have nightmares of him and his long hair and white gloves dodging defensive tackles while he crouches in the pocket begging someone to just sack him.
9:19 -- Warner to Urban for 17 … and the Cards finally go no-huddle. That took only three quarters. (I mean, wasn't this the ideal no-huddle scenario? Safeties playing deep, veteran QB capable of calling his own plays, four-receiver shotgun --
I too thought the Cardinals should have done this much earlier, like the start of the game. Are w sure Todd Haley is a good offensive coordinator, that he is not actually bad? Are we really, really sure about this?
9:33 -- Well, MacGruber changed his name to "Pepsuber" and did a Super Bowl ad for Pepsi with the real MacGyver. And I enjoyed it. I continue to hate myself.
I am surprised to see Bill did not mention that Richard Dean Anderson, the real MacGyver, is overweight now and then make jokes about him using food to break out of situations. I am surprised but not necessarily sad he did not include this.
9:57 -- Here's where the ginormous Holmes play happens: Nice catch on an in route, quick pivot, defender falls, suddenly he's sprinting down the sideline and Al Michaels is going Gus Johnson on us. He's tackled at the Zona 7 … followed by Pittsburgh calling its last timeout. (Terrible. With 52 seconds left, why not hustle everyone down and run some clock off? You don't want to score too fast, right? So many bad coaching calls in this game.)
That's definitely what you want to do when there is less than a minute left in the Super Bowl and your team is down 3 points and inside the 10 yard line, rush a play at the line of scrimmage where Roethlisberger could throw an interception or the ball could be snapped poorly because everyone is in a hurry. By the time the entire offensive line is down the field and everyone is set at the offensive line, there will be about 30 seconds left in the game, maximum. Then you get to hurry up and get a play off.
I am not sure at this point, leaving too much time on the clock is not a top priority for the Steelers since they do have the #1 defense in football. A timeout here allows the clock to stop and gives the Steelers a chance to plan a couple shots into the end zone. Do Steelers fans really want Roethlisberger at the line of scrimmage yelling out a play with the game clock running down? I don't think so.
because the NFL is officially as unpredictable as March Madness and that's just the way it is.
It's not March Madness, it is the NCAA Tournament, and stop talking about it because you literally know nothing about college basketball. Also, last year all #1 seeds made it to the Final Four, so the only thing that was not predictable was that all the best teams would make it to the Final Four. I don't know if the NFL is quite in the class of unpredictability the NCAA Tournament has.
I can't wait for college basketball to start. I think Bill Simmons is going to fall in love with a young man in college basketball and then serve as his personal PR rep for his entire NBA career. I can't figure out who it will be though. Maybe he will throw a change up on everyone and choose an "older" young man, Blake Griffin. I really thought it was going to be Jrue Holiday, B.J. Mullens, or DeMar Derozan, but I could be wrong. We'll all stay tuned to see which bandwagon Bill chooses to jump on.
Alex (Olathe, KS): When your daughter makes the WNBA a legitimate sport, are you going to cover it as objectively as Larry Fitzgerald Sr. is handling the Super Bowl?
Since when has Bill Simmons covered anything objectively? The answer: Never. He would make out his daughter to be the greatest and most wonderful WNBA player since Lisa Leslie and then compare her to Larry Bird and make up a corollary about her.
Anthony (Solon, IA): Disagree about Mo Williams. I've added and dropped him from my fantasy team roster, and finally decided that he isn't worthy of a roster spot on my team. A guy who isn't good enough for my fantasy team isn't good enough for the All-Star game. My wife just added Williams to her fantasy team, which means he will never be on the waiver wire again. And yes, my wife plays fantasy hoops with me. Feel free to be jealous now.
Why would anyone be jealous that this guy's wife plays in his fantasy league? Do you think she tells her friends, "go ahead and be jealous of me that Anthony comes to the Tupperware meetings with me," I seriously doubt it. A woman being in the same fantasy league as her husband is cool...and also borderline controlling if she only does it to monitor his activity. You see a really cool girl and I see a woman who wants to control everything.
Everyone thinks their wife/significant other is cool. If they thought they sucked that person would not be with their significant other, unless they hated themselves or had a air tight pre-nuptial agreement that would cause a massive loss in income should a divorce arise.
Bill Simmons: See, this is why I hate arguing about All Star teams. I couldn't agree more with Kenny Smith - it's EASY to put up good stats on bad teams or mediocre teams.
You mean like Kevin Durant on the Oklahoma City Thunder???? I busted you Bill Simmons! If it is so easy to put up great numbers on a bad team then how the hell is Kevin Durant underrated?
The answer is that he is not and you are not smart. I own you now.
Paul (SF): Should the Red Sox put a clause in Varitek's contract that says he doesn't get paid if he hit less that .150?
Bill Simmons: So I think they appeal to his pride as a man and say, "We'll give you 10 million." But if you aren't hitting .220 at the All Star Break, you HAVE TO RETIRE.
Retire?...but Varitek is so good at handling a pitching staff and they trust him. Why would he retire when he is performing at such a high level? Can anyone else believe the Red Sox gave Varitek $5 million dollars and made him the 7th highest paid catcher in baseball? Look here.
If his name was Frank Griffin he would get a 2 year $3 million deal and back up some young guy coming up from the minors.
Conrad (Phila.): Sorry about the Dooze. As someone who watched his dog get run over by a car, losing a dog before they're supposed to is tough. Now that that's out of the way, you're an idiot -- Manny Ramirez is perfectly rated. He's just a nut case. That's why nobody wants him; nobody doesn't say he isn't like one of the top 10 hitters in baseball EVER . . .
Conrad, I don't like your name, but now that we have that out of the way, thanks for bringing this to Bill's attention.
Bill Simmons: But he's not! He is NOT properly rated! Here is a guy who got on base 24 of 36 times in the 2008 postseason and the fans of teams like Anaheim and Texas and San Fran aren't clamoring for their GM's to sign him.
Really? What about this and this?
It's a smear campaign. How could anyone NOT think this guy would produce for 3 years if you gave him $75 million... in a league that's given AJ Burnett and Barry Zito huge money? I am just flabbergasted by this whole thing. His teams have won everywhere he's gone. Without fail.
There is no question about whether Manny is a great hitter, no one doubts that, the question is whether he is worth $20+ million dollars. Also, his teams winning also have something to do with the other players on the team. It's not like you could throw him on the Texas Rangers and they would be in the World Series. Sometimes its like Bill doesn't even want to pay attention when he potentially could be wrong.
Bill Simmons: Manny got manipulated by his agent. We know that much.
How the hell do we know that much? When I google "Manny manipulated by agent" up comes Bill's column first. We don't know that much simply because Bill Simmons is a first grade homer who has no inside information and lives 3,000 miles away from Boston and he says it is so.
The Sox did neither. They let him twist in the wind. Did he deserve that after giving them 7 HUGE years and helping them win two titles? I say no.
Twisting in the wind? Sort of what the Red Sox did this winter with Varitek and the "take or leave it" contract offer? Of course, Bill doesn't say anything about that and seems to actually agree with the position the Red Sox took with Variteak because it is not a question of treating a baseball player right, it is really a matter of production.
Pflug (Queens, NY): I am totally with you on Manny, I think he's going to absolutely rake wherever he winds up next year (crossing my fingers for the Mets to pony up the cash). If he stays in the NL for a full season, is there a chance of him hitting .400?
Who the hell is arguing that Manny will not rake wherever he goes next year? I want to meet this person that is furthering this myth because I am very tired of someone arguing this point in the "Is Manny overrated" argument.
Zo (Arlington, VA): So, you have started a new Hall of Fame: The Donovan McNabb Comedy Hall of Fame for athletes/entertainers who try to be funny in such an awkward manner that it is actually more creepy than anything. So, you have McNabb and Kobe. I would also throw in Superbowl Week with Kurt Warner as well. Who else joins the club?
(Spitting up bile on keyboard)
I just started a new Hall of Fame: The Bill Simmons' Same Stale Joke Reader Regurgitation Hall of Fame and Zo, you just made it! Congratulations, now go drink Drano and think about what a tool you are.
Tom (Meridian, Idaho): Bill. We haven't heard your thoughts on Jim Rice FINALLY making the Hall of Fame. What's the over/under on the length of his speech? 5 minutes, 10? My bet is he says thanks, then sits down and lets Ricky talk for the next hour.
Bill Simmons: Talked about it on a podcast a little. My thoughts go like this: If he wasn't a HOFer for 14 years, why is he one now?
Bill and I can agree on this together.
Sean (New York, NY): Speaking of books, What's your take on the new Joe Torre book?
Bill Simmons: I just don't think someone like Terry Francona would write a book throwing Sox players under the bus in 5 years. He has more respect for the job than that.
Terry Francona would not write a book throwing Red Sox players under the bus because that is Red Sox management's job. All I hear Bill talk about in regards to Manny Ramirez is how he got smeared by Red Sox management and now no one will sign him. Francona doesn't have to write a book because the front office is able to throw players under the bus just fine without his help.
Chris (Carson City, NV): Hey, has any "rivalry" over the past 10 years been as much of a one-sided beat down as Spurs/Suns? I almost feel bad for Nash and them. Almost.
Bill Simmons: Agreed. It's definitely "feud" and not a "rivalry."
You mean kind of like the Yankees and Red Sox were for almost 90 years before 2004? Yet, the "rivalry" was pumped up constantly by the media. This is not Bill's fault, but I felt the need to point out how much I hate the hype filled media again.
Ryan, Chapel HIll NC: If Kobe wins a ring without Shaq, where does he go down in NBA History? Is he in Bird and Magic's class (top 5-7 in history)?
Bill Simmons: He moves into the top-12. Not sure where. Definitely not higher than 8.
At that point he moves into the top 12. He will never surpass Bird or Magic because they are the best ever, even though it would be pretty impressive if Kobe won a title without another Hall of Fame type player on the team, which is something Magic and Bird never did.
Jamie, Milton, MA: The Bruins need you....
Does this sentence end with, "to stop hopping on the bandwagon, you bag of douche?"
Bill Simmons: I will be there in April. I can't start watching hockey until after March Madness. I am monitoring from afar and couldn't feel more proud for the long suffering fans. The bottom line is that the salary cap has eliminated the franchise's biggest obstacle for the last 30-plus years: The cheap-ass owner. So the B's actually have a shot at winning a Cup.
Bill can't cheer for a team unless the owner is able to spend more money than God to acquire players for the team. What's the point if you are only cheering for a team that can't outspend everyone, and the salary cap finally evened the playing field and now Bill is able to hop back on the bandwagon. This is one of the worst examples I have heard of a writer jumping off a bandwagon and then publicly jumping right back on the bandwagon. Basically this is like if I started cheering for the New Orleans Hornets.
Lino Viola (Boston, MA): Who wins in a seven game series- Last years Celtics or the '86 Celtics?
Do you know who loses on this question? The public when Bill creates an entire column around this premise. It is coming, just hold on and wait for it.
Daniel (Heidelberg, Germany): You've written before about the impact you believe the performers at halftime of the Super Bowl have had on the game. In light of that, which songs do you think Bruce is going to perform at the game, and which team will potentially benefit from those songs?
Bill Simmons: let's say the Cards are up 14-10 at halftime, the question would be, what would be the best Bruce song at halftime to make their fans believe that the impossible was about to happen (ala "Beautiful Day" for the 2001 Pats). For some reason I feel like it woulkd be "Badlands." It's a happy/energetic song but at the same time, the Cards franchise has really been the "Badlands." if he breaks that one out and Zona is in the game, I am banging Zona for the second half.
You have to be stupid or Bill Simmons to think the halftime music really makes a difference. Were the Giants pumped last year by hearing Tom Petty sing "Running Down a Dream" at halftime? Probably not, because they were so focused on the actual football game that was going to be played in 20 minutes. It is insane to think the fans can make a big difference in the outcome of the game. It is also ridiculous to think the music makes a difference. The fans may actually think something good will happen based on the music, but the fans have no bearing on the players and how they play in a football game, I saw that first hand earlier this January.
Brock (Idaho Falls, Id): So Pujols is lobbying to have the Cardinals offer Manny a contract. Now this is a long shot, no scratch that, a looooooooooong shot, but would that be the greatest 3-4 hitter combo in history?
Bill Simmons: If that is true, God help the National League. I do wonder though how these mid-market teams (like STL or Det) aren't going to get just murdered by the recession with their ticket sales this season.
I am not sure if Bill has heard, or he has his head too far up his ass, but the St. Louis Cardinals have a wonderful fan base that always support their team and show up for games religiously. I know the Red Sox have such a WONDERFUL fan base that is unique in that they are able to constantly acquire new fans through winning, but for baseball knowledge and loyalty to their team, I would put the Cardinals near the top. I don't think St. Louis is going to struggle too much. More on this in a few months, but Detroit could rebound this year, which means they would be a good team and may actually get fans to the stadium.
Bill posted a semi-decent pseudo hindsight 20/20 diary of the Super Bowl. It was not that bad but there were parts that annoyed me.
I spent most of my night talking to friends and having inane conversations such as when my friend Ace and I tried to figure out if there was a sports equivalent to Sondra Locke's career.
I am just amazed Bill has loser-ish friends that debate this type stuff with him. Does anyone have a friend named Ace who does not have a ponytail? Every Ace I can think of either had long hair or a ponytail.
9:03 -- Warner to Boldin for a first down. Madden attributes Warner's recent resurgence to the fact that he's playing with gloves and he's 22 pounds lighter than he once was.
I don't like it when quarterbacks play with gloves on their hands. It annoys me for some reason. Maybe it was the David Carr experiment. I still have nightmares of him and his long hair and white gloves dodging defensive tackles while he crouches in the pocket begging someone to just sack him.
9:19 -- Warner to Urban for 17 … and the Cards finally go no-huddle. That took only three quarters. (I mean, wasn't this the ideal no-huddle scenario? Safeties playing deep, veteran QB capable of calling his own plays, four-receiver shotgun --
I too thought the Cardinals should have done this much earlier, like the start of the game. Are w sure Todd Haley is a good offensive coordinator, that he is not actually bad? Are we really, really sure about this?
9:33 -- Well, MacGruber changed his name to "Pepsuber" and did a Super Bowl ad for Pepsi with the real MacGyver. And I enjoyed it. I continue to hate myself.
I am surprised to see Bill did not mention that Richard Dean Anderson, the real MacGyver, is overweight now and then make jokes about him using food to break out of situations. I am surprised but not necessarily sad he did not include this.
9:57 -- Here's where the ginormous Holmes play happens: Nice catch on an in route, quick pivot, defender falls, suddenly he's sprinting down the sideline and Al Michaels is going Gus Johnson on us. He's tackled at the Zona 7 … followed by Pittsburgh calling its last timeout. (Terrible. With 52 seconds left, why not hustle everyone down and run some clock off? You don't want to score too fast, right? So many bad coaching calls in this game.)
That's definitely what you want to do when there is less than a minute left in the Super Bowl and your team is down 3 points and inside the 10 yard line, rush a play at the line of scrimmage where Roethlisberger could throw an interception or the ball could be snapped poorly because everyone is in a hurry. By the time the entire offensive line is down the field and everyone is set at the offensive line, there will be about 30 seconds left in the game, maximum. Then you get to hurry up and get a play off.
I am not sure at this point, leaving too much time on the clock is not a top priority for the Steelers since they do have the #1 defense in football. A timeout here allows the clock to stop and gives the Steelers a chance to plan a couple shots into the end zone. Do Steelers fans really want Roethlisberger at the line of scrimmage yelling out a play with the game clock running down? I don't think so.
because the NFL is officially as unpredictable as March Madness and that's just the way it is.
It's not March Madness, it is the NCAA Tournament, and stop talking about it because you literally know nothing about college basketball. Also, last year all #1 seeds made it to the Final Four, so the only thing that was not predictable was that all the best teams would make it to the Final Four. I don't know if the NFL is quite in the class of unpredictability the NCAA Tournament has.
I can't wait for college basketball to start. I think Bill Simmons is going to fall in love with a young man in college basketball and then serve as his personal PR rep for his entire NBA career. I can't figure out who it will be though. Maybe he will throw a change up on everyone and choose an "older" young man, Blake Griffin. I really thought it was going to be Jrue Holiday, B.J. Mullens, or DeMar Derozan, but I could be wrong. We'll all stay tuned to see which bandwagon Bill chooses to jump on.
Monday, September 15, 2008
1 comments 9=8x3=27!
Let's wind up the baseball season. Come on now, let's put some real thought into it. We're professional journalists, with a world of baseball resources at our fingertips, we can get some really unheralded story out there that offers a unique perspective. I mean, day after day we hear the same old stories, and that's fine, but this once, with the entirity of the baseball season now in the rear view mirror, let's dig deeper and find something really profound, original. Just this once, let's not take the easy way out and beat something even further into the ground than the mineshaft that it has become.
Sigh.
In a season of feel-good stories, no team shined brighter than the Rays
...alternatively.
NEW YORK - The baseball Story of the Year? The worst-to-first Rays, of course.
you were a fool to even ask, morons.
The team that never before exceeded 70 victories still leads the Red Sox, already has buried the Yankees and is basically guaranteed a playoff spot thanks to its young roster, an almost-as-young baseball front office and a can-do attitude that began in spring training and has carried throughout the long season.
not mentioned; 3.65ERA, tops in the AL, quite literally worst to first, a drop of 1.88.
not mentioned; .715OPSA, third in the AL, a drop this time of one hundred and eleven points. To put it another way, last year, every hitter facing Tampa was Derek Lee, this year, Mark Teahen.
not mentioned; 1.28WHIP, lowest in the AL, again, worst to first, a drop of three baserunners per game, which is quite amazing when you think about it.
not mentioned; 80 errors, third in the AL behind New York and Boston (didn't expect to see the Yankees there huh!), down by 37 from the previous year
and probably like a billion more advanced metrics that I don't quite understand or know where to find. In fact, not a single number, even runs scored or allowed appears in this paragraph. Wake up sleepyhead! The Rays have always had a young team, Joe Maddon and his "can-do attitude" (215-256 record with this team, an average record of 74-88, but don't let that stand in your way Jon) have been there for the last three years. Basically, Heyman is suggesting that the Rays just fucking decided to win this year and so they have. Ugh.
"It's crazy,'' Rays owner Stu Sternberg, a New York investment banker, agreed on Sunday at Yankee Stadium, where a sellout crowd came to say good-bye to a storied place and team, both on the way out, and generally ignored the story of the year.
and we come to the third point of this holy trinity of, apparently, inexplicable winning, the "almost-as-young" front office. Which is fucking stunned at the success. Never planned on it, shocked as anyone. Basically throwing it's hands up and going "fuck me...never thought we would actually win games!" Maybe Stu is like a male, less hot Rachel Phelps and assumed he could get some kind of buy-out or something. Yes, the Rays fans were wise to hitch their wagon to his star.
Rays players quietly went about their business so as not to anger or disturb their rich fourth-place sad-sack hosts while Rays' team hierarchy beamed in the hot rays.
I've discovered the secret behind journalism - use as many emotive adverbs/adjectives as humanly possible, forget about anything approaching analysis. Here is the same sentence with the emotive bullshit highlighted.
Rays players quietly went about their business so as not to anger or disturb their rich fourth-place sad-sack hosts while Rays' team hierarchy beamed in the hot rays.
Also, Jon, that "hot Rays" thing. Genius dude.
Sternberg, a native of Canarsie in Brooklyn, who grew up a fan of the Amazin' Mets and is old enough (barely, he's 49) to recall the Impossible Dream Red Sox of 1967, was looking for the one descriptive word to characterize his Rays. "If you can think of an adjective, let me know,'' he said.
finally, a job Jon Heyman is eminantly qualified for - finding adjectives, no issue with that at all.
Sternberg suggested the Improbable Rays. But that doesn't quite do it, not for me anyway. They are at least as impossible as the '67 Red Sox,no?
anyone else think people are going a bit overboard with the whole "no one saw the Rays coming!" angle?
In 2006, ESPN ranked them 22nd in the Majors despite coming into the season with the second worst record in baseball.
Yahoo Answers has a post from seven months ago asking who would be the surprise team in 2008, the answer was Tampa Bay.
The time? 2/4/2008. The place? The official website of Major League Baseball.
"Time to settle some scores? The rest of the AL East is concerned. In fact, Toronto general manager J.P. Ricciardi has frankly branded the Rays a team "no one will want to face."
...it could be graduation time for the guys who've endured growing pains together for years -- Carl Crawford, B.J. Upton, Jonny Gomes and, health willing, Rocco Baldelli. Ricciardi hits the nail. No team will eagerly enter a Tampa Bay series, knowing it is certain of seeing at least part of the top of the Rays' rotation, Scott Kazmir, James Shields or Matt Garza.
To tie it all together, Tampa Bay has brought in its own bullpen therapist (see: 2007 Reds). While trailing the Majors with 28 saves last season, the Rays lost 42 games in which they held a lead -- not too firmly, evidently. Enter Troy Percival, of whose 324 career saves 316 came in the presence of manager Joe Maddon, while he was an Angels coach."
Look, I know that the Rays were a surprise, but it simply isn't true that people weren't picking them this year, in fact, people had picked them as a sleeper for several years, eventually they had to deliver.
Manager Joe Maddon on Sunday agreed at least that the emergence was "a little bit of a surprise.'' But Maddon is the one who instilled a feeling of belief in the spring when he told the team "9 equals 8,'' a motto that became the clubhouse catchphrase. The saying suggests not only nine players working together for nine innings but also a team aiming for nine more wins via each of three categories: pitching, defense and hitting. For those scoring at home, that's 27 more wins, which is thought in most parts to be an impossibility.
wow, that's so retarded not even I know where to start.
The players seemed to catch on a few months into the season. Clubhouse leader Cliff Floyd said they "got that swagger'' in June and are now happily taking an "arrogant'' or even "cocky'' attitude into games for the first time in their mostly sorry history.
they actually started "pitching" better which "led" to them "winning" more "games".
Floyd said, "Everbody's stoked that 'postseason' is in our vocabulary".
hard on for quotation marks.
2. Cubs. The rise of the star-crossed franchise in the 100th anniversary of their last title will add intrigue to the postseason. Perhaps Carlos Zambrano's no-hitter was a sign of the magic to come. Rays-Cubs World Series, anyone.
yeah that's it. The no-hitter. What about the eighty-seven other wins Jon?
3. Cliff Lee, Indians pitcher. He's 22-2 for a losing team, not all that far off the unbelievable achievement of Steve Carlton, who won 27 games for the 59-win 1972 Phillies, as Mike Lupica pointed out in Sunday's New York Daily News. With the Giants' Tim Lincecum, we should probably have two Cy Young winners on losing teams. (Even if Brandon Webb should win in the NL, well, the Diamondbacks may have a losing record, too).
say what you will about wins in pitching, and I get it, really, but if you didn't go "holy shit Cliff Lee is 22-2" right there, I dunno what to tell you, this is pretty fucking amazing IMO.
5. Josh Hamilton, Rangers slugger. Recovering drug addict finally showed the world his talent, including on the big stage of the All-Star Game at Yankee Stadium, where he put on the greatest Home Run Derby display ever.
look, I mean this in the very best possible taste, but Josh Hamilton is to baseball what Ellen is to comedy. If he wasn't a recovering drug addict and she wasn't a lesbian, no one would give a shit. I'm not comparing the two on their own merits, I'm just saying that both careers are pretty "gimmicky". I'm impressed with Hamilton's season too, but I wanna see if this is a season and a half fluke or what. Juan Gonzalez etc.
6. K-Rod, Angels closer. Broke Bobby Thigpen's save record en route to free-agent riches.
quite literally a record that would not exist if his offense was better.
8. Dustin Pedroia, little Red Sox hitter. White Sox motormouth manager Ozzie Guillen called him a jockey, but as former White Sox minor leaguer Michael Jordan can tell you, height does not a hitter make.
I know readers, we've danced this dance before but still, fucking ridiculous, all of this, vomit inducingly bad.
14. Jamie Moyer, Phillies starter. He turned in a stellar season at age 45 (14-7, 3.68 ERA) and gave hope to all us older guys.
look, I don't wanna hang a guy with literally zero evidence, but we are generally aware now that steroids help more in recouperation than actual strength when it comes to baseball. And thus are generally more of a benifit to pitchers, who do far more damage in far more intense a way, to their bodies, than hitters. I'm saying someone like Moyer, with his stuff, posting an era a full run below that of his last sixty-six starts (hell, .41 below his career average)...let's just see how that plays out before worshipping it as a great "feel-good" story.
There's more, there's always more. We keep shovelling it away, they keep bringing it back in.
Sigh.
In a season of feel-good stories, no team shined brighter than the Rays
...alternatively.
NEW YORK - The baseball Story of the Year? The worst-to-first Rays, of course.
you were a fool to even ask, morons.
The team that never before exceeded 70 victories still leads the Red Sox, already has buried the Yankees and is basically guaranteed a playoff spot thanks to its young roster, an almost-as-young baseball front office and a can-do attitude that began in spring training and has carried throughout the long season.
not mentioned; 3.65ERA, tops in the AL, quite literally worst to first, a drop of 1.88.
not mentioned; .715OPSA, third in the AL, a drop this time of one hundred and eleven points. To put it another way, last year, every hitter facing Tampa was Derek Lee, this year, Mark Teahen.
not mentioned; 1.28WHIP, lowest in the AL, again, worst to first, a drop of three baserunners per game, which is quite amazing when you think about it.
not mentioned; 80 errors, third in the AL behind New York and Boston (didn't expect to see the Yankees there huh!), down by 37 from the previous year
and probably like a billion more advanced metrics that I don't quite understand or know where to find. In fact, not a single number, even runs scored or allowed appears in this paragraph. Wake up sleepyhead! The Rays have always had a young team, Joe Maddon and his "can-do attitude" (215-256 record with this team, an average record of 74-88, but don't let that stand in your way Jon) have been there for the last three years. Basically, Heyman is suggesting that the Rays just fucking decided to win this year and so they have. Ugh.
"It's crazy,'' Rays owner Stu Sternberg, a New York investment banker, agreed on Sunday at Yankee Stadium, where a sellout crowd came to say good-bye to a storied place and team, both on the way out, and generally ignored the story of the year.
and we come to the third point of this holy trinity of, apparently, inexplicable winning, the "almost-as-young" front office. Which is fucking stunned at the success. Never planned on it, shocked as anyone. Basically throwing it's hands up and going "fuck me...never thought we would actually win games!" Maybe Stu is like a male, less hot Rachel Phelps and assumed he could get some kind of buy-out or something. Yes, the Rays fans were wise to hitch their wagon to his star.
Rays players quietly went about their business so as not to anger or disturb their rich fourth-place sad-sack hosts while Rays' team hierarchy beamed in the hot rays.
I've discovered the secret behind journalism - use as many emotive adverbs/adjectives as humanly possible, forget about anything approaching analysis. Here is the same sentence with the emotive bullshit highlighted.
Rays players quietly went about their business so as not to anger or disturb their rich fourth-place sad-sack hosts while Rays' team hierarchy beamed in the hot rays.
Also, Jon, that "hot Rays" thing. Genius dude.
Sternberg, a native of Canarsie in Brooklyn, who grew up a fan of the Amazin' Mets and is old enough (barely, he's 49) to recall the Impossible Dream Red Sox of 1967, was looking for the one descriptive word to characterize his Rays. "If you can think of an adjective, let me know,'' he said.
finally, a job Jon Heyman is eminantly qualified for - finding adjectives, no issue with that at all.
Sternberg suggested the Improbable Rays. But that doesn't quite do it, not for me anyway. They are at least as impossible as the '67 Red Sox,no?
anyone else think people are going a bit overboard with the whole "no one saw the Rays coming!" angle?
In 2006, ESPN ranked them 22nd in the Majors despite coming into the season with the second worst record in baseball.
Yahoo Answers has a post from seven months ago asking who would be the surprise team in 2008, the answer was Tampa Bay.
The time? 2/4/2008. The place? The official website of Major League Baseball.
"Time to settle some scores? The rest of the AL East is concerned. In fact, Toronto general manager J.P. Ricciardi has frankly branded the Rays a team "no one will want to face."
...it could be graduation time for the guys who've endured growing pains together for years -- Carl Crawford, B.J. Upton, Jonny Gomes and, health willing, Rocco Baldelli. Ricciardi hits the nail. No team will eagerly enter a Tampa Bay series, knowing it is certain of seeing at least part of the top of the Rays' rotation, Scott Kazmir, James Shields or Matt Garza.
To tie it all together, Tampa Bay has brought in its own bullpen therapist (see: 2007 Reds). While trailing the Majors with 28 saves last season, the Rays lost 42 games in which they held a lead -- not too firmly, evidently. Enter Troy Percival, of whose 324 career saves 316 came in the presence of manager Joe Maddon, while he was an Angels coach."
Look, I know that the Rays were a surprise, but it simply isn't true that people weren't picking them this year, in fact, people had picked them as a sleeper for several years, eventually they had to deliver.
Manager Joe Maddon on Sunday agreed at least that the emergence was "a little bit of a surprise.'' But Maddon is the one who instilled a feeling of belief in the spring when he told the team "9 equals 8,'' a motto that became the clubhouse catchphrase. The saying suggests not only nine players working together for nine innings but also a team aiming for nine more wins via each of three categories: pitching, defense and hitting. For those scoring at home, that's 27 more wins, which is thought in most parts to be an impossibility.
wow, that's so retarded not even I know where to start.
The players seemed to catch on a few months into the season. Clubhouse leader Cliff Floyd said they "got that swagger'' in June and are now happily taking an "arrogant'' or even "cocky'' attitude into games for the first time in their mostly sorry history.
they actually started "pitching" better which "led" to them "winning" more "games".
Floyd said, "Everbody's stoked that 'postseason' is in our vocabulary".
hard on for quotation marks.
2. Cubs. The rise of the star-crossed franchise in the 100th anniversary of their last title will add intrigue to the postseason. Perhaps Carlos Zambrano's no-hitter was a sign of the magic to come. Rays-Cubs World Series, anyone.
yeah that's it. The no-hitter. What about the eighty-seven other wins Jon?
3. Cliff Lee, Indians pitcher. He's 22-2 for a losing team, not all that far off the unbelievable achievement of Steve Carlton, who won 27 games for the 59-win 1972 Phillies, as Mike Lupica pointed out in Sunday's New York Daily News. With the Giants' Tim Lincecum, we should probably have two Cy Young winners on losing teams. (Even if Brandon Webb should win in the NL, well, the Diamondbacks may have a losing record, too).
say what you will about wins in pitching, and I get it, really, but if you didn't go "holy shit Cliff Lee is 22-2" right there, I dunno what to tell you, this is pretty fucking amazing IMO.
5. Josh Hamilton, Rangers slugger. Recovering drug addict finally showed the world his talent, including on the big stage of the All-Star Game at Yankee Stadium, where he put on the greatest Home Run Derby display ever.
look, I mean this in the very best possible taste, but Josh Hamilton is to baseball what Ellen is to comedy. If he wasn't a recovering drug addict and she wasn't a lesbian, no one would give a shit. I'm not comparing the two on their own merits, I'm just saying that both careers are pretty "gimmicky". I'm impressed with Hamilton's season too, but I wanna see if this is a season and a half fluke or what. Juan Gonzalez etc.
6. K-Rod, Angels closer. Broke Bobby Thigpen's save record en route to free-agent riches.
quite literally a record that would not exist if his offense was better.
8. Dustin Pedroia, little Red Sox hitter. White Sox motormouth manager Ozzie Guillen called him a jockey, but as former White Sox minor leaguer Michael Jordan can tell you, height does not a hitter make.
I know readers, we've danced this dance before but still, fucking ridiculous, all of this, vomit inducingly bad.
14. Jamie Moyer, Phillies starter. He turned in a stellar season at age 45 (14-7, 3.68 ERA) and gave hope to all us older guys.
look, I don't wanna hang a guy with literally zero evidence, but we are generally aware now that steroids help more in recouperation than actual strength when it comes to baseball. And thus are generally more of a benifit to pitchers, who do far more damage in far more intense a way, to their bodies, than hitters. I'm saying someone like Moyer, with his stuff, posting an era a full run below that of his last sixty-six starts (hell, .41 below his career average)...let's just see how that plays out before worshipping it as a great "feel-good" story.
There's more, there's always more. We keep shovelling it away, they keep bringing it back in.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)